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Archive for February, 2014

Why won’t women approach more?

Atlanta is full of successful, attractive and driven women. Women who run households, businesses, and hold political offices. These are the same women who would scoff at the suggestion that they approach or ask a man out. Why is that? Such go getters in professional life but not their love life.

I believe many of them think they don’t have to approach men. They are so used to getting hit on or approached, they expect to sit and be courted. What happens when they see someone who turns their head and he does not make a move first? Often times they let them go and wonder what could have been.

My guy friends tell me the get approached by women at times but it is rare. They feel flattered when it happens and it usually ends in a date getting scheduled. Why don’t women approach men? Surely in 2014, we don’t think this is a man’s job do we?

Guys when a woman approaches you, are you surprised? Do you usually end up asking for her number and asking her out if she made the first …

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Are you a placeholder date?

Single people have to become really adept at figuring out who the time wasters are. There are some folks who have no real interest in dating someone for a relationship. They see dates as opportunities to gain attention, pass the time, or get meals and entertainment.

Some people even play the dating game so well, they just mastered the art of pretending to be really into you. While you believe you are getting closer, they are already plotting their exit. They are constantly on the look out for “something better” and you become the placeholder.

How can you determine if you are just a placeholder date? I can think of a few: They rarely ask you questions about your life. They don’t bring their friends or family around you. You don’t here about future plans beyond a week or two.

Have you ever been a placeholder date for someone? How can you tell when you are being used?

By Wise Diva

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Dating: Out of your league

The competition of the dating scene in Atlanta can get stiff for some people. Finding ways to stand out and get noticed can be hard for some. That does not mean it is impossible, just challenging. This is why some people are better at it than others.

Have you ever spotted a couple and one them seems way more attractive? Ever wonder why a short man with little money has a super gorgeous tall woman? Have you seen a homely looking woman on the arm of a fine as wine man? How does that happen? It’s because looks are not all that it takes to get someone’s attention.

Sometimes sex appeal, confidence, and personality can make a person get noticed. My friend Kevin says that he sees so many guys “dating out of their league” here and it is becoming more commonplace.

When it comes to attraction, do you think dating in your league is a myth?

Aside from someone’s physical appearance, what else catches your attention?

By Wise Diva

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Decision time: Calling it quits

When you have given a new romance ample time to bloom and it isn’t going anywhere, do you know when it’s time to call it quits? There are some single people who bail at the first sign of incompatibility, but there are others who don’t. When you are trying to figure out if you should stay or go, how do you know for sure which way to go?

My friend Jay says that if the sense of humor is not there, he knows they won’t last. I have another friend Crystal who believes that a man who complains about her pet dog can’t be the one for her. These are valid reasons for them but some people don’t see them as reasonable.

What are valid reasons to call it quits when you are trying to decide if you should be with someone? If you have any doubts, is that confirmation that it isn’t meant to be?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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New romance? Get off social media

I have watched so many romances get derailed because they don’t understand how social media works. If you are a jealous person, prone to getting an attitude over minor stuff, stay off social media when you have a new partner.

Actually, working on your jealousy issues should be your first order of business but until you slay the green dragon, know your limitations! The innocent flirting on Facebook, the random tweets from someone you don’t even know in person, can lead to a ridiculous fight.

One friend decided he would unfollow his new girlfriend because she had too many male friends and social media connections. While he trusted her, he didn’t like the “slick” comments he would see. I think it was a smart move because they were bickering over it too much.

Do you believe that social media and technology makes it even harder to get a new relationship started?

Have you experienced any setbacks in dating because of social media habits?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in …

Continue reading New romance? Get off social media »

Mystery or History?

I have met people who refuse to go out with anyone without pre-screening them. They don’t do minor social media checks or a simple google search, either. They have major skills in doing background checks which include public record searches, criminal history checks etc.

I figure they just have zero confidence in their judgment and instinct. Of course some things can and should be verified, but some mystery can be sexy! Part of the fun in dating someone new is peeling all the layers to get to the real person. One who hopefully won’t terrify you, of course!

When you meet someone, are you determined to learn a lot about them before investing just a little time? Do you prefer a little mystery until you get a better sense of who they are?

Do you like to be a bit of a mystery to the people you date? Would it bother you if they asked your history and background before you even scheduled a date?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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Is love hard to find?

The question that I hear from single people so often: “Why is it so hard to find love?” They want a meaningful relationship but they are not able to meet others who want the same. Many of my male friends say that because sex is so easy to get without love, finding someone to love is harder.

I’m not sure if I agree with that. The people who just want to hook up probably are not interested in relationships at all regardless. I doubt that having access to multiple people is keeping them from finding love. Granted, some single people enjoy playing the field until they feel ready to settle down, but does that become a hinderance?

Do you believe that love is hard to find because sex is so easy to find?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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Dating in self-preservation mode?

When you are on the dating scene, you will sometimes come across single people who have their guards up. The type that keeps things close to the vest, revealing as little as possible in the beginning. These are folks who are dating in self-preservation mode.

You have probably been there before or you are there now. You trust no one. That’s all fine and dandy until you meet someone you actually like and they like you back. You can’t take things to the next level in self-preservation mode!

Eventually you have to decide if you want to give someone a chance to establish trust and consistency. How long should this take, though? If you are seeing someone you connect with, does it take you a long time to shift out of self-preservation mode?

Do you think that people who don’t trust easily are this way because they are the ones not trustworthy?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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Dating: Guilty of giving passes?

I think we all can admit to picking people to date based solely on superficial things. We rationalize that we are attracted to them for many reasons but deep down we know the main reason is looks, money, or sex. This often leads us to staying with people for these superficial reasons and giving them a pass when they mess up.

I have watched guys put up with really ratchet behavior from women because she is “that fine” or has skills. I’ve also seen them give a pass to women who emasculate them publicly because she has a lot of money.

We tend to give passes and allow bad behavior to continue because we picked these people for the wrong reasons in the beginning. What should you do when you realize this?

Do you think there is usually a time limit in giving people passes?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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Blurred line: Lover and friend

Have you ever had a “friend” who you felt a strong attraction to but didn’t want to cross that line? Do you think it is ever worth it to risk the friendship for a great relationship?

I know we have debated whether or not men and women can just be friends, but can they be lovers, break up, and go back to friends? Things can get dicey if the lines are blurred and communication goes bad. Still, I’m a romantic and I would always take a shot at true love.

Do you have a friend who is a former fling?

If you developed a strong attraction to one of your friends, would you tell them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading Blurred line: Lover and friend »