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Archive for January, 2014

Dating: Ask about intentions?

The way dating works can really leave a lot to decipher, which can be tricky. Sometimes people start off in hot pursuit and then it gets less hot. Or perhaps you get all kinds of mixed signals and don’t know what they really want. So is it really best to just come out and ask the question?

I remember asking a guy if he was just looking for a hook up partner or fling. After conversations we had started to show be didn’t want to really get to know me, I needed to be sure. He didn’t like that I asked but he was able to be honest. He wanted a fling with the potential for more. We were not on the same page so I kept it moving. I saved my time and unnecessary energy figuring out his intentions!

If you are not sure of someone’s motives, is it a good idea to inquire about intentions? What if you don’t like what they tell you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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Keep the ex on back burner?

Some of us have exes who should never be spoken to again. You know, that one dreadful relationship that ended with protective orders and damaged property. It is clear that you two can’t be friends again! What about the one that got away? Or the one with whom you just had bad timing?

I was having dinner with a group of friends and one of them mentioned that he had an ex who he sort of keeps on the back burner. Even though he has a girlfriend, he thinks that keeping his ex as an option is just smart dating.

I was prepared to go full on men are no good rant mode until our friend Laura admitted to doing the exact same thing. She has a man but she likes to keep her ex as an option. She actually called it her “In case of emergency, break glass” kind of back up plan. So is this a thing now? Do we keep some exes around just in case?

Do you think using your ex as a safety net is a good way to conduct your current relationship? Isn’t it kind of self sabotaging?

When you end a …

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Dating: Does being nice still work?

The dating scene can get confusing at times. Between mixed messages and crazy rules, it’s a wonder that we make it progress to a relationship. One of the complaints I hear is that when you try to be nice and respectful, you get walked all over. Show a detached attitude or be nonchalant, then you spark their attention more.

So is there really such a thing as being too nice? If you show genuine effort and kindness, do you think people take you for granted?

I believe it has more to do with picking the wrong people to pursue, but how can you tell if they are the type to get turned off by “nice” or kind?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Dating: Does being nice still work? »

Solely dating for looks?

This is not breaking news but there are singles who still date people based solely on their looks. It is something that we all do at one point because we are some shallow jerks when we want to be. Admittedly, the physical attraction to your date is very important but we all know it isn’t enough to sustain a real relationship.

When you focus on the looks you tend to overlook the awful personality, the big red flags, or glaringly obvious incompatibility. So why do we still get so distracted by the shallow stuff? How important are looks to you?

I know a lot of women who say they meet a guy and he doesn’t appear all that attractive in the beginning but over time their attraction to him grows. Does that happen for men as well? Do you think dating based on looks is something we should evolve from at some point?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Solely dating for looks? »

Do you ever think of payback?

Sometimes relationships end badly and you just have a hard time getting past your negative feelings. I know many people say that the best revenge is living a great life, but do you ever think about handing out a little retribution?

It is not the most mature way of handling things but I do want to know if it actually helps you “feel” better so you can move on. Can payback be worth it?

I am not talking about crazy schemes that would be a misdemeanor charge in Gwinnett county! Perhaps something juvenile and silly.

Have you ever regretted dating someone because it ended so badly? Do you ever think about giving them a little taste of their own medicine?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Do you ever think of payback? »

Are you too raunchy for your date?

My friend Chris is new to the city so he has been meeting women in different places. Recently he met “Kelly” at the gym and asked her out. Kelly told him that she wanted to pick the location and so he agreed to pick her up. She gave him turn by turn directions and they ended up at some kind of adult entertainment venue.

Chris is super straight laced and not into that scene at all so he insisted that she pick another activity for them. She obliged but he said that the entire evening she said some really raunchy things.

Now, in Kelly’s defense, when Chris is in his workout gear, you can’t tell that he is conservative. Apparently she didn’t gather that from the few conversations they had before the date either. So know we have two people with extremely different viewpoints on a date. Awkward!

I think if Kelly had saved her raunchy side for later, he could have discovered other things that they had in common. He decided with absolute certainty that there won’t be a second …

Continue reading Are you too raunchy for your date? »

Dating: Character checks

When I was young and dumb, my Mother offered me loads of great advice about what I should observe about men that I dated. It was never about finding the flashiest guy or the life of the party. She always encouraged me to use caution and look for signs of his character. I shorthanded this to doing random “character checks” so I could pay attention when I needed to.

I recall two specific character checks that have stayed with me: Mother Wise Diva said to pay attention to how a man reacts when his not able to reach you. Also, observe what happens when he doesn’t get his way. It sounds very simple, I know, but let me tell you the bullets I have dodged with these!

Can you think of other ways to do a character check? Of course we are all flawed and humans, but there are certain traits that we just know won’t make a good match.

Do you think we overlook poor character traits too much in dating?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Dating: Character checks »

Dating: Tease or mixed message?

It’s the start of a new year and some singles are already experiencing a dating dilemma! We have a young man, David (27) who met a woman at a Halloween party. They have gone out a couple times and over the Christmas holiday, he invited her over to his house. Now, David figured she felt comfortable with him so he made his move. She turned him down, yet her behavior turned more playful and teasing.

Fast forward to New Year’s Eve and they made plans to see one another. The whole night she flirts and sends him racy text messages. He waits for her to give the green light and nothing. Then she comes over to his place and they just crash.

David said that he wants to be a gentleman but he believes that he is getting mixed messages from her. He also wonders if this the behavior of women who just tease men for kicks?

Have you ever dated someone who led you on but didn’t really make any move towards anything?

Have you ever been called a tease? What do you think is teasing …

Continue reading Dating: Tease or mixed message? »

Dating: Hard time taking it slow?

One of our readers is actually complaining about a guy who is taking his sweet time with her. He has not made any moves in the two months they have been seeing one another. She doesn’t know what part of the dating game this is. Apparently, her dating experiences have not included taking things slow. Can you relate to this? Do you have a hard time taking things slow?

When you are in a new relationship, it can be easy to get caught up in all the euphoria that a new romance can bring. Believe me, this is the phase you should savor because when things are new, it allows you to build the attraction even more.

Part of her concern is worrying about mixed signals. According to her, if a guy hasn’t tried to get physical with you, he isn’t truly interested in you at all. I happen to disagree, but what do you guys think?

I know a lot of guys who take it really slow in dating. They are cautious and very careful about letting women in their lives without fully vetting them. I get …

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Get under another rule

You know that saying, “The only way to give over someone is to get under another someone” has always bothered me. Well, until I found myself faced with wanting to check out of heartbreak hotel. In retrospect, I am not fully convinced that this is a suitable strategy.

Is using sex as a distraction from your ex ever a good idea? Do you tell the person that you are using them as a virtual palate cleanser?

I remember hearing a guy tell his friends that he stopped using that get under another rule when he ended up in a rebound relationship that he never really wanted. He felt guilt over using her so he stuck around too long and she started to catch feelings for him. All the while, he hadn’t completely got over the previous girlfriend. What a mess! Has this ever happened to you?

Happy New Year!!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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