accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: When do you back off?

Sometimes a guy is getting the run around from someone he is pursuing but he doesn’t realize it. One of our readers wants to know when or if he should back off from a young lady he met last year. He has spent time with her but only if he initiates. His efforts are not reciprocated so he wonders if he should cut his losses and move on.

There are women who enjoy the whole process of being pursued and courted. Then there are those who will use a guy for attention, meals, and even sex. Guys have to be careful not to waste their efforts on the wrong women.

So how do you know when to back off? What if the person gives mixed messages?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

142 comments Add your comment

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
10:50 am

Disco, if they’re washing in the cold and that’s how they make their living, why would it be disrespectful

Slim/Disco, now you guys know a good flunky is not hard to find, now a good one that you don’t mind being seen with that’s a different story

SlimNu

January 31st, 2014
10:53 am

disco – I feel ya on the car wash deal because right now my car looks a hot mess. It still has big chunks of dirty black ice stuck to the bottom of it. I’m just glad I don’t drive a white car right about now. The silver hides the dirt pretty well. ;-)

As far as the topic goes, many dates have fizzled due to the lack of interest on my part or theirs. Lack of communication or desire to try to see each other, means we just aren’t that into the person, to me. Like disco said, it would be a break in case of severe boredom lol

SlimNu

January 31st, 2014
10:54 am

Single – All flunkies aren’t hideous though lol

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
10:56 am

Slim, that’s why I said one you want to be seen with, you have had several good flunky offers, but you turn them down because of age. And disco, has plenty of flunkies, they just need to offer something other than dinner.

disco

January 31st, 2014
10:56 am

single – I get your point but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. at everyone’s job/in everyone’s life there comes a point when they say “bump this.” I imagine washing cars in 10 degrees is a “bump this” moment (it would be for me). I’d hate for some little kid to lose their job because I wanted my car washed. lol.

disco

January 31st, 2014
10:57 am

single – did you check out the flunkie checklist? Just because a dude is willing to be a flunkie doesn’t mean he’d make a good flunkie.

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
10:58 am

Disco, if they’re open then they are willing to wash it, Around here if it’s too cold their not open.

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
10:59 am

disco, like most times we’re typing at the same time, almost saying the same thing (LOL)

Leggs

January 31st, 2014
11:00 am

disco ~ you’re on teammate!

disco

January 31st, 2014
11:04 am

single – if they are open, those jokers are just at work clocking in hours hoping nobody comes in wanting to get their car washed. now granted, I know some folks do and will take their cars, I’m only saying I couldn’t bring myself to do it. guess I do have some empathy after all. lol.

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
11:05 am

Disco has a heart :-)

disco

January 31st, 2014
11:09 am

single – yep. and disco doesn’t want to realize weeks later that dude at the car wash tucked a sardine in my back seat thinking to himself “I’ll show this heffa”. lol.

Leggs

January 31st, 2014
11:11 am

disco ~ I’m laughing that you’re so concerned over someone’s hands being cold washing your car in the cold. I’m sitting here thinking any minute you’re going to say something along the lines of you knowing it’s cold, they’re cold no way they’re going to give 100% because they too want to get back to the warmth of inside. You pay, you get a good 85% quickie.

kimmie

January 31st, 2014
11:11 am

tucked a sardine in my back seat thinking to himself “I’ll show this heffa”

:lol:

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
11:12 am

Disco, if these places are open when it’s freezing, they would have to be using warm water so it doesn’t freeze. so it wouldn’t be that bad. Now a car wash being open with no cars to wash??? that’s like a car wash being open on a rainy day, just doesn’t happen around here. (LOL) well at least not the ones I pass by.

disco

January 31st, 2014
11:14 am

Kimmie / leggs – like I said, we all have our “bump this” point. Why push people to their limits?

kimmie

January 31st, 2014
11:14 am

Disco – I agree with Single they are probably using warm water. I’m sure they probably have on thick waterproof work gloves too.

They are probably happy to get a customer to get some tips!

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
11:15 am

Leggs, I don’t take my truck to get it washed, because they’ve always did 75% job didn’t make a difference what the weather was. I’ve only had this one guy that did a good job, but he was one of those side of the road car washes. but those chains never do a good job for me.

disco

January 31st, 2014
11:19 am

Y’all gone make me ask the car wash guys how they really feel. lol.

single – I’m not overly picky re the car wash. as long as I can see the difference from before and after I’m pretty happy. I had a friend who was super picky. I told her she went to the car wash and expected to leave with a paint job. She told me I was positive about the wrong things (a jab at my negative personality – lol). If my car wasn’t so grimy I’d wait until my service appointment next week. I always have those jokers wash my car.

SlimNu

January 31st, 2014
11:21 am

I think about their hands freezing too, which is why I would not want to work at a car wash. lol

SlimNu

January 31st, 2014
11:21 am

disco – So would you tip the washer more due to the cold weather?

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
11:22 am

Disco, I’m not super picky, but if I’m paying it needs to be better than if I did it at home. I won’t take it back, I just don’t go back.

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
11:23 am

Slim bring your car over I’ll wash it (flunky) LOL

disco

January 31st, 2014
11:25 am

single – I don’t wash my car so I’m good if you just knock the dust off it. now, I do keep the interior clean on my own. I have a car vac and wipes and all plus I rarely have passengers so the inside is good.

SlimNu

January 31st, 2014
11:27 am

Single – Where and when? :oops:

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
11:28 am

Slim I’m still waiting on your email :-D

disco

January 31st, 2014
11:29 am

single – speaking of flunkies. Dude asked me to go see lone survivor a couple weeks back. I responded with I’m not sitting through that mess. Find someone else. He finally grew a pair and TRIED to flip the script. He asked if there was anything I wanted to see. I mentioned a Portuguese film I planned on seeing. Told him he was welcome to come along. He claims to have a dental appointment. Maybe he does or maybe he’s sick of reading subtitles or maybe he just wanted to feel like he rejected me. I don’t know.

SlimNu

January 31st, 2014
11:32 am

Single – Now i’m waiting on yours ;-)

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
11:34 am

Slim see leggs (LOL) ( she turns me down for everything else, but will let me wash her car) hmmm get in where you fit in (LOL)

SlimNu

January 31st, 2014
11:41 am

Single – Sounds like you’re well on your way to make a great flunkie hehehehehehe…I mean, be the best of whatever you can be right? :-D

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
11:48 am

Slim I believe in being the best at what ever I set out to be (LOL)

2CPTG©

January 31st, 2014
11:48 am

Leggs, did dude hook up your pipes yesterday?

Exiled

January 31st, 2014
11:50 am

Cel…the chic is playing games so I play games too…

Why u moaning?

:lol:

Now,the real playa will play games with her games, without her realizing that her game has been gamed!

:lol:

DuShawn

January 31st, 2014
12:00 pm

“there was anything I wanted to see. I mentioned a Portuguese film I planned on seeing….”lol …that couldn’t have been me. Ida been like trick please, a “Portugese film” …..with sub titles…Hyall nawww!! That too much f*&kin work reading all that shid. Take your boougie azz own somewhere. I’m bout to go see Ride Along.

disco

January 31st, 2014
12:03 pm

D – he mentioned ride along. I said I would wait for that to hit the dollar movies. I’ll watch it, just not at full price. Not even on someone else’s dime.

Leggs

January 31st, 2014
12:33 pm

disco ~ do you have ever, ever yield to another? No doubt it’s on that particular person to sit through something you like and they don’t, but do you ever do the same? Out of the “flunkies” who abide by you simply to be in your company, do you ever show them that you’re even slightly thankful for the time and money they’ve spent on you by engaging in some boring isht that they like?

“Slim see leggs (LOL) ( she turns me down for everything else, but will let me wash her car)” – Have I missed something.

2C ~ he did. Had to go to Home Depot twice and wound up charging me an additional $40 for two pipes he had to buy. He’s coming back out after work to make sure everything is running smoothly and I will pay him them.

Leggs

January 31st, 2014
12:34 pm

2CPTG©

January 31st, 2014
12:36 pm

do you have ever, ever yield to another?

The $64,000 question……

2CPTG©

January 31st, 2014
12:37 pm

I refuse to believe a chic that bad, to have mu’fuggas akkin a fool like that……but….if you got it like that…..go ‘head on lil mama!!!

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
12:39 pm

Leggs, see you to get my email address

disco

January 31st, 2014
12:44 pm

leggs – I understand the whole compromise theory but no, I do not go to movies that I don’t want to see. Heck, when my kid was little I’d have other people take him to see what he wanted to see. I once sat in the lobby while he watched pokemon. By the same token, I can respect if a person doesn’t want to see what I want to see. I’m just as good (often better) watching it alone anyway. who needs the whispering and asking of questions. I’m here to watch a movie and have found that seeing movies alone is often the better experience. I don’t watch sports. I don’t generally go to games. I don’t think going as a compromise benefits either party. You enjoy it, go do it.

disco

January 31st, 2014
12:45 pm

2C – who’s bad?

2CPTG©

January 31st, 2014
12:48 pm

disco….you gotta be bad…to call shots the way you do (at least that’s what you tell us), and have dudes still go for it…but again, no hate, cause like they say, “it ain’t bragging if you do it!”

Leggs

January 31st, 2014
12:48 pm

Single ~ gotcha (lol).

disco ~ my post wasn’t necessarily geared just toward movies. Just doing something someone else likes because they want you in their company too. They want to experience whatever that outing is with you. But back to movies, quite sure those times they went to foreign movies with you, if you looked at them you would see one eye open, one eye close. I have no doubt some enjoy foreign movies, but I’d bet they went along to be with you. Yes, yes, yes I know, that’s on them. Again, go back to my first sentence in this post.

2CPTG©

January 31st, 2014
12:50 pm

Leggs, if disco had nuts, she’d make one helluva pimp…..ice water running thru her veins…

disco

January 31st, 2014
12:52 pm

leggs – do I ever yield? Depends on the situation. I know the world does not revolve around me but I recognize that my free time and how I spend it is my choice. I choose not to do things that don’t interest me. now I’m not saying I wouldn’t try new things but things that I already know I don’t want to be bothered with I’m not going to be bothered with. Another person choosing to do something that they didn’t want to do is shame on them. I don’t make them and really don’t care if they do or if they don’t. ijs.

Single & Happy

January 31st, 2014
12:54 pm

Umm 2C she’s single (LOL) IJK disco

2CPTG©

January 31st, 2014
12:54 pm

disco, you ever been in love? had your heart broken?

disco

January 31st, 2014
12:55 pm

leggs – this isn’t just me with guys. this is with friends and family as well.

disco

January 31st, 2014
12:57 pm

Why drag someone along who is clearly not interested? Why go if not interested? i understand wanting to share experiences but if you want it to count it needs to be an experience everybody involved wants to share. How you gone have folks under duress? That’s just wrong. Some people are willing to suffer through things, I’m not. lol.