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How well do you know them?

Have you ever met someone and it felt like you two have known each other for a really long time? I mean, it’s kind of great when this happens because you feel comfortable with then almost immediately. People tend to let their guard down faster when they feel that sense of familiarity. There still should be some caution though because the reality is that you’ve only just begun to peel the layers back.

This begs the question, “How long does it take to really to know someone?” and when do you feel at ease with them?

Honestly, I’ve met married couples who seemed to know very little about one another and they seem to be getting along! Do we ever truly know who we date? Do we have some mental checklist of things we try to learn to hone in on who they really are?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

235 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

January 27th, 2014
6:38 am

Good morning! I heard that there will be snow tomorrow and wednesday night??!!?

Getting to know someone is like trying to bail the ocean with a teacup. It takes forever. Just when you seem to think you know someone you don’t. Even siblings, parents or other family members will surprise you occasionally. So, no, you never TRULY know a person or what they are capable of, but you can have a very good idea about what they would normally be inclined to do.

I don’t have a mental checklist of what I should try to learn first but intuitiveness is very valuable in any aspect of learning, whether it is about a person, place, or process.

lee

January 27th, 2014
6:56 am

Good morning,
You never fully know someone, you can have all the check lists and still end up with a bad mate. Its a gamble some hit the jack pot and more than often people don’t (cause if they did there would not be such a high rate of divorce). Go with your gut feeling if its wrong step away.

Button

January 27th, 2014
8:03 am

You can never know everything about someone but you can know/learn their habits.

Yes – I co sign.

when do you feel at ease with them? when I have a good feeling about them, they have a pleasant spirit.

Good morning!

Miss Moni

January 27th, 2014
8:09 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

How long does it take to really know someone??? That’s so dependent on the person. . . I will say this, take your time to really get to know them. Pay attention to what they say AND what you actually see!!!

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
8:42 am

Hey everyone

The thing about this topic is to remember you never really know anyone, no matter how much you seem to have in common when you meet!! Remember the best cons and users no how to feed of as little information as you give them.

Yes, snow in the winter around here, wow that’s never happened before (LOL)

SlimNu

January 27th, 2014
8:49 am

Good morning all

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
8:57 am

Hey Slim you feeling better?

disco

January 27th, 2014
8:58 am

Good morning. I agree with the general consensus in that you never truly get to know someone. Heck, I think most folks will die never even really fully knowing themselves.

I’ve met a few folks that provided that instant comfort level. Both male and female. Sometimes some people just tend to click. Often we take to some folks and don’t take to others.

SlimNu

January 27th, 2014
9:05 am

Single – Yes, much better, thanks for asking.

disco

January 27th, 2014
9:27 am

Well I guess everyone is off getting to know someone this morning.

Reio

January 27th, 2014
9:30 am

Morning all.

I suppose we are all stating the obvious. You can never really know someone. Although the longer you are around them, different settings, around friends, family…..the better you can gauge who they really are. We tend to be on our best behavior in the beginning. One good way to get to know someone is to determine how much they are listening to YOU. During a general conversation, in person, if they throw out something like “A few weeks ago, you mentioned something about your first job interview after finishing college didn’t go as well as you wanted. We were interrupted and you didn’t finish. You want to finish telling me what happened?” Something along those lines is a good indication that this person is interested in you, and, in many instances, can serve as a helpful barometer in your efforts to get to know them better. Primarily because people that show a genuine interest in you, tend to be a bit more open to you, and less likely to be as guarded as perhaps they might otherwise be. IMO.

disco

January 27th, 2014
9:34 am

Reio – either that or they are just nosey or they’d rather talk about you to avoid talking about themselves. I have one guy friend that I’ve been friends with for years. He’s always commenting that I know so much more about him than he does about me. all I can tell him is to quit telling me so much. lol.

Exiled!

January 27th, 2014
9:38 am

How well do you know someone?

It sure takes more than three months….but u don’t have to take all year long before you two compromise each other..da he’ll,where is the fun if you too tight with your candy? :lol:

Phaedra married her boo the same year nikka gotta outta jail even…..now that’s either being dickwhooped or in with the crime!

Good morning!

Reio

January 27th, 2014
9:43 am

disco – Yes, point well taken. Just seems to me that, unless they are extremely cunning, the average fella (from a guy’s perspective) won’t even bother to remember or recall anything a woman has said for the sole purpose of deflecting attention away from himself. It happens, of course, you alluded to that, but it’s been my experience, that displaying a genuine interest, tends to be just that, a genuine interest. Although, some players are quite good at disguising their true intentions and motivations, and the less experienced, less savvy, less street-wise individuals, can be easily deceived. Fo sho.

YesSheIsCute

January 27th, 2014
9:46 am

@disco that can be true too. I noticed after I started trying to get people to talk about themselves more and less about me how nosy they really are because they keep redirecting the conversation about me. Most people like to talk about themselves, so if they don’t they are either an introvert, being nosy, or collecting data for later usage.

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
9:47 am

See disco I know you (LOL)

Leggs

January 27th, 2014
9:47 am

“People tend to let their guard down faster when they feel that sense of familiarity.” – Not meaning to start on a negative tone, but this is the strength of many con artists! It’s never good to become completely comfortable with a person right out the gate. Watch, observe and listen before putting your all out there.

“How long does it take to really to know someone?” – I don’t think one can fairly put a time frame on this. It happens over time, but it doesn’t happen the first couple of weeks.

“…and when do you feel at ease with them?” – Again, only time will tell. People can feel at ease upon first encounter; however, to remain at ease and let your guard completely throwing caution to the wind is not a smart thing to do. My point is don’t be quick, thread water carefully.

Good morning.

disco

January 27th, 2014
9:50 am

Hey leggs – I actually didn’t consider comfortable from that same perspective. I guess because I tend to naturally play things close. I took comfortable to mean that you just felt comfortable, more relaxed in their presence. You weren’t nervous or wary or all on guard. I know as a woman it’s messed up to admit that most times when I meet a guy I go on the defensive immediately. I mentally start prepping myself to get ready for the words that are about to come out of his mouth. lol.

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
9:59 am

Disco I had a friend that had the bag switch done on her, what you said about comfortable is exactly how she said the woman took advantage of her.

kimmie

January 27th, 2014
10:00 am

Morning All!!

One good way to get to know someone is to determine how much they are listening to YOU.

Reio – I agree. In fact, it still amazes me how much my husbands remembers things I’ve said, especially things I said early on. I’ve known other men longer than I’ve known him yet they never came close to being as observant as he is.

The general consensus on here today is that you never really know someone. My take on it is that if you’re lucky, you find out all you NEED to know. Beyond that, you might find out things that may be interesting or nice to know, but is it really going to make a difference had you never found out certain things? Probably not.

And yes, I agree Disco, that some folks you just take to right away. Others, you can literally grow up in the same household and never really mesh. That’s why some people can meet and click right away. They find out everything they NEED to know to make an informed decision to be togther and marry. Other people can date for 10 years and still cliam they don’t know each other. I don’t really believe that, by the way. They do KNOW each other, for some reason they just don’t click, don’t work well together.

disco

January 27th, 2014
10:02 am

Single – so what had happened was what? Someone took her purse? Her luggage? What? How did the swindle go down?

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
10:07 am

Disco she was at the mall Christmas shopping, this woman started talking the her and they ended up shopping together for a few hours. somewhere in that time her bags got switch, and she didn’t have a clue of when it happened. The woman even walked her to the car.

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
10:10 am

Kimmie, Reio, cons and users are the best listeners (LOL) you would be surprised at how much information someone can get out of innocent conversations

disco

January 27th, 2014
10:12 am

Single – so did you laugh when she told you that story? I might have laughed.

Reio

January 27th, 2014
10:12 am

I used to ask a lot of questions. Hoping to get honest answers. I saw early on that most of the women would answer. As opposed to saying, “‘I’d rather not talk about that now…” or words to that effect. Some would frown or smirk before answering, but answer anyway. I saw that and took it as a clue to back off a bit. My wife was the one that, I thought, really opened up to me, and said some things that let me know, oh, I don’t know, if I had to put a percentage on it, about 85% of all I needed to know about her, in one statement she made during one of our conversations.

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
10:13 am

Disco, It was so long ago, but I probably did. So disco has anyone every told you getting information out of you is like pulling teeth?

kimmie

January 27th, 2014
10:14 am

Single – That’s jacked up, but like Leggs said, is one of the oldest tricks in the book used by con artists.

Though not the same situation it reminds me of something that happened many years ago on another job I had. This young lady had gotten engaged and was proudly showing off her ring. She took it off and was letting some ladies try it on and it got passed around. She lost track of who had the ring last…and you all know the rest. It was a really nice ring too. Luckily her fiance’ had gotten it insured and got her another, but it wasn’t the same ring and wasn’t as pretty, to me. I remember thinking while it was all going on that I would have never taken my ring off and I was not among those trying it on either.

By the way, I had a STRONG feeling about who I think took it. Could not prove it, but I had my suspicions.

disco

January 27th, 2014
10:17 am

Single – I hear it all the time. thing is, in general I play things close but with some folks I’m wide open. I talk a mile a minute and very little is off limits. Guess it all goes back to comfort levels. I tell folks that if I get quiet around someone then I don’t know them, don’t like them or don’t trust them.

Kimmie – that’s messed up. I might have got fired that day for trying to fight every chick in the line. lol.

2CPTG©

January 27th, 2014
10:19 am

ain’t got nothin to add…..

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
10:20 am

Kimmie now if I had been the fiance, I would have had to rethink that, cause she was a dumb ass!! So how do you have a strong feeling about who did it, I would have thought it could be any of them. I don’t put nothing past anybody!

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
10:22 am

Disco, that’s what a guy at work told someone about me, They said they thought I didn’t like them, they said if he didn’t like you he wouldn’t talk to you.

disco

January 27th, 2014
10:25 am

Kimmie – how was the tension in the office after that? I’m sure everybody was side-eyeing everybody.

Single – some days I be dying to get someplace where I can open my mouth and talk after I spend a whole day not talking to folks (lol). I will take the silent treatment to a whole new level. If I don’t eff with you, I don’t eff with you and I don’t always need a reason. if you rub me wrong, you just rub me wrong.

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
10:26 am

Disco I know that feeling, and that’s usually the day no one wants to answer the phone (LOL)

kimmie

January 27th, 2014
10:31 am

Single – You are right, much can be revealed in innocent conversation. When I get to know someone, thats how I get most of my information. I actually ask very few questions. I get most of my info in natural give and take. A lot is revealed by what people DON’T say in innocent conversation. For example, one guy I dated would just leave town or even the country on a whim. When I couldn’t reach him, he would say he was not “obligated” to tell me anything because we were not married and he was grown and could come and go as he pleased and even his own mother didn’t need to know. He also admitted other women did not like it when he did that and told him it was just a courtesy to mention he was going out of town. I told him I just thought he was playing games by being evasive. If I’m going out of town, it’s probably going to come up naturally in conversation unless I’m trying to keep it secret. I told him I would not worry if I could not reach him, no big deal!

I guess I was kind of conditioned to think that men really don’t listen to women. I’ve heard men on here say all the time they think women talk too much and wish they would shut up. They talk about how they tune women out or just say “yes dear”. Like what she has to say really doesn’t matter. That’s why I find it so refreshing when it’s obvious my husband was not only listening to me, but remembered.

disco

January 27th, 2014
10:31 am

Single – OMG. Sho’ you right. Just last week I had one of those days driving home from work. I hit up the usual suspects (my real friends). No answers. I wasn’t in the mood for parents/grandparents because that’s a whole different kind of conversation so then I went through a few cousins. No answers. Lol. I finally started working my way down the casual acquaintance list. Still no answers. I was starting to contemplate getting brand new and not answering my phone when folks called me. after I made it home though, my phone started blowing up with folks calling me back.

SlimNu

January 27th, 2014
10:32 am

2C – So how was your weekend? Anything eventful or blog worthy of discussing? lol

Single & Happy

January 27th, 2014
10:36 am

Kimmie, is it we don’t listen, or we get tired of hearing the same ole thing all the time. (LOL)

Catch you guys later.

kimmie

January 27th, 2014
10:40 am

Disco – Yeah the tension you could cut like a knife that day.

2CPTG©

January 27th, 2014
10:40 am

weekend was cool, Slim….but ummm,

Anything eventful or blog worthy of discussing?…..always!!!! don’t wanna say nuttin, and then get a gazillion questions……

Reio

January 27th, 2014
10:42 am

disco – Sounds like you and I have a similar problem. My close relatives all have phones, but when I call, invariable there is no answer. Not only that, they don’t return the call either. I guess I’m somewhat taken aback because my philosophy is, why have that thing if you won’t answer? I can understand if you are driving, meeting…but, hell, return the call when you can.

kimmie

January 27th, 2014
10:45 am

Disco – I remember thinking that same thing, I would have turned that office out that day over my ring. No work would have gotten done until I either got it back or they escorted me out!!

SlimNu

January 27th, 2014
10:47 am

2C – mmmmk then.

kimmie

January 27th, 2014
10:49 am

Disco/Reio – There are just certain relatives and friends I know are not going to call me back. I mean some I don’t care how many times I call or how important the message I leave. I handle them accordingly too. I don’t want to hear “nobody told me”, “I wasn’t invited”, etc. Naw buddy!

daddy swiss

January 27th, 2014
10:49 am

“don’t wanna say nuttin, and then get a gazillion questions…”

2can — That’s true, ‘cos if you said you were “nuttin’” this weekend, you would get a gazillion questions, I’m sure.

disco

January 27th, 2014
10:50 am

Reio – you already ahead of the game. Your peeps all have phones. You’d be surprised at the number of folks I know that don’t even have phones – home or cell. Even more surprising is that their kids have phones. I said I wish I would get a kid a phone and I didn’t have one but I guess that’s just me. then I’ve got a whole batch that have phones but never have minutes. You can only text them.

daddy swiss

January 27th, 2014
10:54 am

Speaking of nuttin… You know, if Mrs. Swiss & I were so inclined, we’d have at least 3 different niche p0rn genres covered if we accidentally leaked a home video… Just call me the Interracial Preggo MILF Slayer. lol

2CPTG©

January 27th, 2014
10:54 am

Slim, what about your weekend….ye’en give none of these blog dudes your address did you? thought I was gon’ have a conniption when I saw that last week….

Celisea

January 27th, 2014
10:56 am

I hope it snows tomorrow :)

SlimNu

January 27th, 2014
10:57 am

2C – Nope…

Leggs

January 27th, 2014
11:00 am