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Should you befriend married?

There is this young man who said that he met someone and discovered that she is not single. She has a husband but they are legally separated. His interest in her has waned a bit but she is pushing for a relationship with him. He wants to just be friends with her and she wants him to be there for her romantically.

I think this happens a lot with single people. We meet someone great and things start off well, then we get the surprise I’m actually not even single bomb. It’s rude and selfish to get involved with someone when you are married. This is why many people are hesitant to even become friends with someone who is married. So many times it starts as a friendship but things get blurred and lines are crossed.

Should married people have a lot of single friends?

Do you believe in dating people who are “barely” married or married but unhappy?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

141 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

January 23rd, 2014
5:35 am

Good morning! I have never been married but I don’t think married people should have a lot of single friends…even less single friends of the opposite sex. I just don’t see the point. But again, I’ve never been married so what do I know?

YesSheIsCute

January 23rd, 2014
5:54 am

Just looked at the blog posts from the last two days. Y’all talking about a woman ordering two steaks made me want some steak for dinner. :?

As far as paying for dates either do something within your means or do something free. But I’m not paying. If I’m expected to pay it’s not a date.

lee

January 23rd, 2014
6:47 am

Do you believe in dating people who are “barely” married or married but unhappy? There is only one kind of married, how they feel about their marriage is something else–NO Thanks i do not care for all that drama of dating a married person take that mess somewhere else. Now friends if you had them for a long time i do not see the big deal, but to go out and find new friends of the opposite sex you are looking for drama

Single & Happy

January 23rd, 2014
8:06 am

Hey all

Yes so our trip wouldn’t be a date :-D

I’ve dated someone separated, No big deal. I didn’t find out until I was in a relationship. There are alot of people that separate and never bother to get a divorce for whatever reason. Usually money that one usually refuses to pay because they think they will be doing the other a favor. Married people can have friends, don’t have to let go of old ties, and you’re going to to meet new people as life goes on. Especially if you have different interest!

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
9:40 am

This is a slippery slope. Legally separated for years, perhaps. But more importantly, why not go and get a divorce? If finances prevent you from getting a divorce, why not save up because in all those years you’re legally divorced, you could actually be divorced!

“Do you believe in dating people who are “barely” married or married but unhappy?” Who gives a rat’s a$$ if you’re unhappy. If that’s truly the case, then do something about it. Don’t bring you unhappy a$$ to me. Whatever your reasons are for remaining unhappy, that’s on you. Do something about it and stop pissing in the same corner.

If you befriend a married person, you need to befriend both of them. If not, someone is up to no good.

Good morning.

Button

January 23rd, 2014
9:46 am

Should married people have a lot of single friends? It depends, were they friends before marriage? if so, then yes they are entitled to have as many friends (single) as they please as long as it doesn’t interfer with the marriage. I have a bunch of friends that have followed me thur my marriages. I see it like this: your friends are my friends and my friends are your friends.

Do you believe in dating people who are “barely” married or married but unhappy? No such thing! either you’re married or your not. I wouldn’t date someone who is separated bc they are sitll legally bonded to said person. It’s so much drama.

Good morning!

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
9:53 am

O/T: Have you heard that Captain and Tenille are getting a divorced after 38 years of marriage? Both are in their 70’s…wow!

Reio

January 23rd, 2014
9:54 am

I’ve got one single friend, male. Known him since high school. He’s never been married, no kids. Wonderful fella. Smart, logical, common sense….But, puts up with no bs from women. He has complained a lot over the years about the women he has met. And the complaints that seem to come up more often than others is “She’s too pushy. Wants to move too fast. To clingy” He’s pretty much given up. Don’t care anymore. My wife knows him. And thinks he would be an excellent mate for a good woman. She says that if she were some of these women, she would, more than likely, be guilty of the same things, just because, she, just like those other women, would know right away that they had it the jackpot, and would do whatever it took to get and keep him.

I’m not aware of any male friends that my wife has. None to my knowledge. I am void of any female friends. We both have acquaintances of the opposite sex, but no friends. If I were single, I’d never be friends with a married/separated woman. She might get the urge to unzip my pants, or I might get the urge to pull her dress up. When one is married and the other is not, too much can happen.

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
9:58 am

Reio ~ how old is your friend? Give him my number…I kid. No, I’m not!

2CPTG©

January 23rd, 2014
9:59 am

2CPTG©

January 23rd, 2014
10:00 am

I’mma gon’ head and beat disco to the punch….

“grown folks gon’ do what grown folks gon’ do.”

Single & Happy

January 23rd, 2014
10:00 am

Leggs I guess love won’t keep you together forever (LOL)

Sassy Me

January 23rd, 2014
10:03 am

Should married people have a lot of single friends?

There are several questions that could/should be asked: 1. Were they friends before or after the marriage? and 2. Are these friends of the opposite or same schex?

Every situation is different and if the married person and the friend were long standing friends before said marriage then I think that should be ok….so long as they’ve been introduced to the S.O. But that may still lead to problems.

If the friend is of the opposite schex…that in itself could be a problem and could make the S.O. feel some type of way.

But as it’s been said…that’s a slippery slope.

Do you believe in dating people who are “barely” married or married but unhappy?

If they are legally separated then I don’t see a problem but if not then no I couldn’t do it. Plus I don’t know how many sad sob stories I’ve heard like that…only to NOT be true…they’re just tryna get over.

Celisea

January 23rd, 2014
10:04 am

NO, married folks and single folks just don’t mesh well, not as friends….MOST OF THE TIME. I have a couple of bffs that are guys, that are married, but we are nowhere near close like we use to be out of respect. Respect for everyone. I can say though, I’ve been super super cool with a married dude that I pulled back from cause it got too close for comfort.

For my critics, take that anyway you want….I’on mind, judge me. :mrgreen: Nope it wasn’t adulterous, tawdry, none of that. Just got too close for comfort. I made the decision to do the right thing :)

Regarding divorce and separation, for me (per the good book), you’re married….still. The good book says til death do you part. You can’t heap new vows on top of the ones you didn’t finish. No judge or piece of paper can annul what God commanded. I know folks will say it’s not their interpretation, yada yada yada, but according to the scriptures, it’s crystal clear.

Button

January 23rd, 2014
10:06 am

When I was married, I made friends and so did he. It wasn’t a big thing. Like I said earlier, as long as they respect the marriage, it’s all GOOD! Being new to a city, we went for more ppl that were in a relationship rather single ppl and if they happened to be single then we would introduce them to someone in our group that was single also.

Celisea

January 23rd, 2014
10:07 am

And I’m still cool with my married bff (dudes), but the dynamics of how we interact have changed. Now, when we get together, everyone is included. Not just me and them. IMO, we are human and you can’t create or dabble in stuff and it not eventually bite you in the but. Some things can be avoided if done the right way.

This dude should move it along….period, point blank. If he’s single, there are PLENTY of single women he can entertain, rather than some married chick. “She married”, bump the so called separation.

kimmie

January 23rd, 2014
10:10 am

Morning Gang!!

Never dated married of any form. And it blows my mind the folks that claim they “can’t afford” to get a divorce over several years, but they find money to do everything else they want to do. Miss me with that. If you can’t afford a divorce, then you can’t afford to date! And Leggs, I am with you, I don’t give a flying flip if you are married and “unhappy”!

The friends that I have that are single are friends I’ve had for years, before I married. All except 1 are divorced and are women. The one single male is a family friend and is like a play brother. Nobody gets discounted as being a friend because they are single. Me & my hubs both know how to conduct ourselves. No suspicious, inappropriate behavior that disrespects the marriage. Plus, just because someone is married it does not mean they are automatically appropriate to have as a friend. Folks can be disrespectful whether single or married.

Single & Happy

January 23rd, 2014
10:10 am

if they happened to be single then we would introduce them to someone in our group that was single also and if it didn’t work out, or they didn’t want to be introduced, we’re they expelled from the group until they found someone (LOL)

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
10:15 am

Single ~ I said the same thing when I heard.

kimmie

January 23rd, 2014
10:19 am

Leggs – That’s sad about Captain & Tenille.

Button

January 23rd, 2014
10:28 am

Single – LOL no they were not.

2CPTG©

January 23rd, 2014
11:05 am

re: Capt, and Tennille

I’ve said it before……

let me be married for umpteen years, and she come tombout she wanna divorce……bih, if you don’t go si’down somewhere…..yo ‘ol ass…ye’en gettin no divorce! better go play Bingo, and let that sh!t go……

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
11:05 am

kimmie ~ what’s happening here is sad!

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
11:16 am

2C ~ I’m getting ready for work thinking “you’re in your 70’s and wanting to get divorced, why not ride it out?” Guess she didn’t want to die unhappy?? Captain said he didn’t see it coming.

Button

January 23rd, 2014
11:18 am

I’m not surprised by the captian and tennille divorce, if it can happen after 72 days of marriage then it can happen after decades of marriage.

Anybody seen the show my 90 day fiance?

Reio

January 23rd, 2014
11:19 am

legs – He’s 53.

I can only imagine how I would feel if I’m at home, phone rings, a male voice on the other end, a friend, and after small chit chat, he goes “Let me speak to your wife.” Or the same scenario, minus the chit chat, and he wants to speak to my wife. Makes no sense to me. Unless there is some kind of event or upcoming ‘thang’ that we are all aware of….Would seem odd to me. However to my wife’s credit, as soon as the phone conversation was over? She’d say “Guess what that stankin, good for nuthin, ho-hoppin,….said to me”….I’d know right away if he was up to something. It’s happened before.

DuShawn

January 23rd, 2014
11:20 am

Marital status has absolutely no bearing on who I choose to befriend. I don’t give a dayum if you got a wife, a girlfriend or nobody. That has nothing to do with me or my situation.

YesSheIsCute

January 23rd, 2014
11:20 am

@2C is that what you’re going to tell me? :lol: I don’t get people who want to divorce after a 20+ bid. Why?!?!?!

Button

January 23rd, 2014
11:21 am

Leggs – maybe she found another captian to sail her ship LOL

Sassy Me

January 23rd, 2014
11:26 am

Anybody seen the show my 90 day fiance?

~Button—I haven’t watched a whole episode but I’ve see enough of the previews to get the jist of the show. There’s no way in Hades I’d marry someone I’ve only been around for 90 days. Some of the relationships may be genuine, albeit, long distance so who knows. I also think that some of those looking to get married are also looking for a green card or an escape from their country to the U.S. aka the Land of Milk and Honey…who knows what their true intentions are?

90 days just isn’t long enough.

Sassy Me

January 23rd, 2014
11:28 am

I don’t get people who want to divorce after a 20+ bid.

:lol: @ “20+ bid”…sounded like they were locked up…then again, it might’ve felt that way, hence the divorce.

kimmie

January 23rd, 2014
11:31 am

Leggs – Someone on another site I was looking at said they are not surprised. They said over many years they would always see Tenille out by herself. Said Captain never wanted to leave the house. I heard they are still living together and even recording a cd last year. Alot were saying Captain has Parkinsons and the divorce is for insurance purposes.

Who knows???

2CPTG©

January 23rd, 2014
11:35 am

Cutie, yep!!!! be like, you better take yo ass to that pilates class you be tombout, and get rid of that tension you got goin’ on…..

kimmie

January 23rd, 2014
11:35 am

Button – I saw 90 Day Fiance. It is a trip. All the dudes come off as losers and socially awkward. The women come off as standard mail order brides, I don’t care what those dudes say. Although that chick from Columbia is not as naive as the others. She’s a little more high maintenance and wordly and I see her skipping out on that country Oklahoma dude if she can find a sponsor with deeper pockets and one that’s wilder. Oakie dude almost comes across a little “sweet” to me.

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
11:37 am

Guess we’ll know soon enough. I just read an article that said they were still living together, but it didn’t mention anything about him being sick. .

Button

January 23rd, 2014
11:40 am

Sassy- my thougths eggsactly! those ladies are looking for a meal ticket. The pink ppl ahem (white men) will go to the ends of the earth and pay big bucks for a wife aka mail order bride. That one guy that lives with his parents reaks ghey ghey ghey.

Button

January 23rd, 2014
11:44 am

Kimmie – yeah that’s the one, he is ghey and I think the latina knows it too but what does she care, as long as she gets in the US it’s all good. She’s no dummy, and yes she is wordly and money hungry. I think the lil russian girl will bail.

kimmie

January 23rd, 2014
11:55 am

I think the lil russian girl will bail.

Button – Me too. Poor thing looks like a scared mouse!

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
12:00 pm

Since you guys are talking about shows, I would like to mention a scene from The Haves and Have Nots. When the mother was in the waiting room talking to God, I almost teared up. She was pouring her out to God. Although she was acting out a scene, it was heartfelt! How about when she sits down next to this woman, the woman never looks at her, blink, nada. I thought that strange because most would either look at the woman as she sits and offer at least a terse smile. I realize this woman was a seat filler, but she really wasn’t even needed for that scene (lol). Guess that’s why I’m “directing” from my office making little money and TPerry is “directing” from his studio making millions (lol).

Celisea

January 23rd, 2014
12:06 pm

How about when she sits down next to this woman, the woman never looks at her, blink, nada

LOL….I saw that and thought the same thing. I’m like yeah, it’s a show being tapped, but please, make us believe what we’re watching…

I didn’t like that whole scene. She overacts….IMO You ain’t gotta scream at God. He hears and is every present. Shoot you an’t gotta say nothing. The dad (Tony) is a trip. Want his son to die so he can snatch his organ….dern shame. Where is the freaking love???

Celisea

January 23rd, 2014
12:10 pm

Oh and what else need tweaking?? The staff, the help calling the shots. I’on care if you did screw my husbands, that’s all the more reason you would NOT be working there. I can’t really get with that storyline. Both the husband and wire tolerating the mistress cause she gon tell? Who the heck cares? So you paying this trick to stay on AFTER she had an affair with you husband???

That ain’t a natural fallout, I’on care how much dirt she got. You getting my money after you did my husband? C’mon TP!!! Make me believe the story, please

Sassy Me

January 23rd, 2014
12:10 pm

That one guy that lives with his parents reaks ghey ghey ghey.

Probably…and they’re pressuring him to get married, so since he’s living with them he’s going to acquiesce and marry a “beard”…cause that’s all she’ll be. And if she knows he ghey, then yeah she probably knows he won’t want a whole lot of schex…if at all(he might gag or something). So she gets to come to America, without a job BUT with a husband, a place to stay and a whooole lot of opportunities.

YesSheIsCute

January 23rd, 2014
12:27 pm

LMAO I actually laughed out loud @ you 2C b/c I wholeheartedly believe you will say that.

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
12:30 pm

Celisea ~ the dad is a trip. He has a lot of nerve to think after all those absent decades he never saw his son or cared for his son, that he can actually make a decision concerning his son’s welfare basically dismissing anything I say. Where they do that? That scene pissed me off.

Button

January 23rd, 2014
12:32 pm

Sassy -surprisingly that’s the only couple I think will get married, the others are a lost cause. One guy is too controlling, one has bad body image and the other has an angry ex wife with 2 bad azz kids.

Sassy Me

January 23rd, 2014
12:38 pm

One guy is too controlling, one has bad body image and the other has an angry ex wife with 2 bad azz kids.

Which is why they’re looking to marry some desperate, thirsty woman who’ll put up with their insecurities…

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
12:44 pm

Celisea ~ the wife said she kept the maid on to watch her and to rub it in her face that she knows about their little affair. I don’t know what she’s rubbing in her face, because that woman has too many liberties in MY house.

Loved the line Mrs. Cryer said to #9. Something about her making a chess move in her living room, game on!

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
12:48 pm

O/T: I just received a call from California saying I was selected to receive $7,898 from the government. I was told that “the government” randomly selects 500 people every year who (1) pays their taxes on time, (2) hasn’t filed for bankruptcy within the year, and (3) doesn’t have a criminal record. This man goes on to say that the money can be used for home improvement, pay off bills, anything that isn’t deemed illegal. I’m trying to speed him along and ask “what do I need to do to get this money.” Mind you now, I have no intention of claiming this money!

This fool tells me he would need either my banking information or my credit card information. I already knew this was the bottom line. I ask why would he need my credit card info. He said they would put the money on my credit card. There’s only one thing I can do for someone “hoping” they reached an idiot…..CLICK!

Leggs

January 23rd, 2014
1:18 pm

Oh, I thought my eyes were deceiving me so I refreshed twice only to realize there hasn’t been any activity here.

cba

January 23rd, 2014
1:20 pm

Leggs, I feel cheated. Arbitron only sent me $1, but it was a very crisp $1 :-)