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Paying for dates

The costs of dating can get expensive so it’s understandable that people are selective about who they date. It makes sense not to sink a bunch of money into dating someone you aren’t truly interested in. One of my guy friends has some kind of system where he limits the amount of money he spends on first and second dates.

Do you think you should go Dutch and pay your own way on dates? Does it help to split the costs so that neither of you feel the pressure to always pay?

I try to at least reach for the check and I fully expect to pay. I think guys appreciate this and usually they insist on paying. I often offer to cover the tip in those cases.

How many dates should you pay for before sharing or splitting the check starts?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

269 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

January 22nd, 2014
6:10 am

How many dates should you pay for before splitting…?

Seems this is reversed..do u mean how many Dutch dates before u start paying for her…?

I think a dude must only date those chics he intends to pay for…Dutch is classless and cheap.
Now,if it is just your long known home girl and u two wanna go watch a game at the sports bar,yeah,u can do Dutch.

Don’t invite a new new gal for a date and then go Dutch….

Ummm,that is self elimination from the Coochie race! :lol:

And no hating fellas!

If u can’t spoil them,stay on the periphery.

Reminds me,back in the day before plastic money. When I took a gal out,my walllet would be thick. I always made sure,somehow,the chic sees the thick wallet. :lol:

When her mind is at ease because she knows the evening is covered,her coochie is less guarded! :lol:

Too funny! :lol:

Good morning MIA!

Cheap dudes don’t smash!

lee

January 22nd, 2014
6:54 am

Good morning, what happened to our 68 degree we had on Sunday?!, ugh

Dutch is for friends, i would not call that a date, i would believe he wasn’t interested and therefor he is in the friend zone. Now if we are in a relationship i will gladly take you out…until then unless it is your b-day that is not going to happen

Try to stay warm everyone

Button

January 22nd, 2014
8:14 am

I’ve never split a check or went dutch on a date. The guy pays for all the dates until we are exclusive then I’ll pay for some dates, no problem. I’ll offer to leave a tip.

Good morning!

Button

January 22nd, 2014
8:21 am

Some men are cheap cheap cheap! how can you invite a woman on a date and expect her to split the check or even go dutch? talk about a loser!
Also women stop reaching for the check, let the guy properly take you on a date. IMO two dates is too soon to start paying for his meal.
A man should show that woman that he is capable of taking care of his affairs and not needing her to pitch in and help esp to feed his gut.

Single & Happy

January 22nd, 2014
8:23 am

Hey everyone

Lee, it is WINTER time, it’s supposed to be cold. We just got you used to those abnormal winters! (global warming) LOL

As far as dates, he who asks, pays!!!

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
8:35 am

Good morning all,

Been on the sick and shut-in list for the last few days and I’m soooo over being sick. Missed ya’ll though!

Single & Happy

January 22nd, 2014
8:42 am

Slim you poor baby, need me to come take care of you :-D

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
8:49 am

Single – Um….maybe. Me don’t fweel guuud :cry: I’m pretty sure folks at work thought I called off on purpose since Monday was the MLK holiday. lol

Single & Happy

January 22nd, 2014
8:53 am

Slim what you need, some soup, some otc meds? I’ll even pay for it (LOL)

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
8:56 am

Single – Uh-oh, you paying for it?…um…usually there’s a catch at the end of that rope. I’ll need to really think about that. lol

Single & Happy

January 22nd, 2014
8:58 am

Slim the catch is you must try and get well! Think you can handle it?

Exiled!

January 22nd, 2014
9:01 am

Slim…next october get a flu shot!

This is the second time u sick in 4 months.

And stop those noodle diets! :lol:
fruits and veggies,fruits and veggies,fruits and veggies…..say it!

Reio

January 22nd, 2014
9:22 am

Morning all!

I’ve always paid on dates and expected to pay. No problem. I’m interested in her, so, I pay. Simple. I never expected anything in return. Beyond her being herself and answering some questions (My attempt to get to know her better), I had no ulterior motives. Never set out to wine & dine for the sole purpose of pulling her dress up and getting a whiff at some point. Dutch? Gonna have to be fairly comfortable with her before I allow that. Even if she insists.

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
9:39 am

Ex – I won’t ever get a flu shot again…no sireee. And I couldn’t tell you the last time I had some noodles lol

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
9:39 am

Single – Um…I’m trying…I think I can, I think I can.

Single & Happy

January 22nd, 2014
9:42 am

Slim you had a bad experience with a flu shot, I’m with you never ever again, I’ll take my chances :-D so what you do you need me to bring you :-D

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
9:49 am

Single – Well, I’ve ran out of kleenex so you can start there…make sure it’s soft but not with that lotion in it. Aloe Vera will do ;-)

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
9:49 am

“Does it help to split the costs so that neither of you feel the pressure to always pay?” – Of course, if you’re in an exclusive relationship. While we’re getting to know each other and you ask me out, I certainly expect you to pay. I will leave the tip. If we’re going “dutch,” we’re just two people hanging out together. No law that the man has to pay for all the dates, unless you’re dating Daddy Warbucks.

Glad you’re feeling better, SlimNu.

Good Freaking Cold Hump Day Morning!

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
9:56 am

Thanks Leggs!

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
9:56 am

Where is everybody?

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
9:56 am

SlimNu ~ I’m with you, Kleenex with lotion in it is the PITS!

Single & Happy

January 22nd, 2014
9:57 am

Slim just email me your order and address, and I’ll be on the way :-)

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
9:58 am

It was like this yesterday…I think we only had two pages of posts.

DuShawn

January 22nd, 2014
10:00 am

If I can’t afford to pay, I don’t go. Even with wifey. Occasionally, after I done made a couple of mortgage payments and a car note, my bread may be a little light. I’m trying to hold on till next payday without touching the savings. She may want to go out and I’m like “Baby, I’m broke”. This is her thing: “I got money…..I’ll pay, let me take you out.” I’m always hesitant to except because I know how this plays out. Once we get out and I order a few double XO’s (15 bucks a piece), she be like “how many of those you plan on having?”….”Dayum, you gonna get an appetizer and an entrée?” I can’t spend freely on her dime. I got to get her approval to a certain degree. Although I appreciate her effort, I find the entire experience degrading, humiliating and emasculating. Consequently, I don’t want her to pay nor contribute. I need to have my own bread so I can pay for everything. If not, I ain’t going.

disco

January 22nd, 2014
10:05 am

Good morning. Who pays is one of those tricky situations for me? In general, I would be on team “he pays” BUT I also agree that the person who asks should pay. If she’s woman enough to ask, she should be woman enough to pay. ALSO, there are times when I just really don’t like a dude and sometimes that can go either way. I can let him pay just to take advantage OR I can pay to send the message that I don’t need jack from him. As you can see, I’m all over on this one.

Button

January 22nd, 2014
10:06 am

Leggs – there is a law that states that the man is to pay for ALL dates unless otherwise noted. If you have no money, you don’t need to date. period. I know women lib has played a huge part in women paying for dates but not all women are on board with it.

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
10:06 am

Dus – Dang, even after all that time together she’ll still monitor what you spend when she pays? When you’re paying, does she order all that extra stuff?

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
10:08 am

If i’m out with a male friend and I want to ensure he doesn’t have any crazy ideas, i’m definitely paying for myself. Shole don’t want anyone to think that because they paid that I like them like that or that any sexual pay-back is happening down the road. lol

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:13 am

First let me say, I’m surprised at Diva…she’s “around” our age, and our generation KNOOOOWS, well most of us, that WE DON’T PAY and we don’t play that. As I’ve said a gazillion times on here, I wasn’t bred to take care of a dude. And if I gotta, I’m going without. I just hate somewhere in time things reversed. Cause really, a good dude wouldn’t dare allow his woman to pay. And an even better dude wouldn’t feel right about it.

I’on do cheesy….and cheesy for me means, playing the “my turn, your turn” game….ain’t happening. I’m not just typing words. I mean that to my core. Calling (i.e. hounding) and paying/taking care of a dude AIN’T EVA happening for me. Don’t get me wrong, (and like I’ve said as well), I’m good hooking you up every now and then for being the good dude you are :mrgreen: but all this “feeling guilty” cause a dude is doing his job?? Please…miss me with that foolishness. What I just hate about (some) women is the fact that they don’t even know it was put in him, as a man, when man was created, to do all the things we’re now asking “should we feel guilty” about….it’s his job. God gave it to him. I’on care what nobody says, I don’t care if a man wasn’t necessarily “taught” this, if you be the woman you SHOULD BE, oh he’s gon’ be the man God made. Being the woman you should be, he can’t help it. Pursuer, nurturer, care taker, the head, the leader…all of these things God placed in man. Shoot, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Single & Happy

January 22nd, 2014
10:14 am

Button we’ll use your law, and with your law, you’re happy with going to Krystal, because that’s all he can pay for (LOL)

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
10:15 am

DuShawn ~ when you put it that way, I can see your pout (lol).

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:15 am

Now, if I’m just “hanging out” with friends, then I pay for mine and you pay for yours….oooor, we’re cool and you get it one time and I’ll get it the next. But trust, that’s only in the scenario where we’re just buds.

DuShawn

January 22nd, 2014
10:16 am

We complement one another like that. She likes to save, I like to ball. Even when I’m paying she’s a cheap date. She will 2 for $20 your azz to death. I often tell her, you get what you pay for….this top shelf diznic I consistently sling is costly.

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:16 am

Oh, and being just buds, if it’s my turn and you run up a likka tab, you gon catch that part of it. Unless we both drinking, I’m not paying for your $50 beer/liquor portion.

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:18 am

She will 2 for $20 your azz to death. I often tell her, you get what you pay for

Yeen never lied. I’m all about saving and being able to fund the things I need to fund or do, but when I go out or want something, I wanna do what I want, with no thought about skimping. That’s not limited to food. That include “things” as well. And if I can’t get what I want, then I don’t settle for less than. I wait.

Exiled!

January 22nd, 2014
10:19 am

I need to have my own bread so I can pay for everything. If not, I ain’t going.

@Du…u speak the truf…me too, i wont do it.

The thing with the ladies is ,when its them with the money..they make u really know it…

Reio

January 22nd, 2014
10:19 am

Button – “there is a law that states that the man is to pay for ALL dates unless otherwise noted…”

Could not have said it better. I agree completely.

Reio

January 22nd, 2014
10:20 am

There is the school of thought that basically says, from a man’s perspective, that if she attempts to pay and genuinely wants to pay, that’s her way of saying “Uuum, this fella ain’t bad. Might wanna keep his azz around a while. Caint really tell HIM that, so I’ll pay for a few things here and there, maybe he’ll be sharp enough to get the hint. I hope.” Some guys see this and arrive at that conclusion, rightly or wrongly.

But, ladies let’s just tell it like it is. If you get to a second or third….date with a fella, it’s because he is interested. If he has no interest, he won’t go out and spend money on you, or anyone else that he’s not interested in, for that matter. Now, the problem for you, is, you don’t know if the interest is actually in YOU, or your stuff. Because we’ll pay either way. An even bigger problem for women, or, should I say, an even more complex problem for women, would be the situation where he starts out with an interest YOU, but after a brief while, looses interest in YOU, but still wants your stuff. And by the way, no guy will ever go out with you, unless he wants to bend you over. So, that’s a given. In other words, he’ll never ask you out unless he wants to pull your dress up (Obviously, a blind first date would not qualify). it’s difficult for some women to tell what his intensions are. One good way, since there are no sure, bona fide ways to tell, is to gauge how well he listens and remembers what you say. How engaged is he in the conversation. Here is a MAJOR key to doing this, does he ask follow up questions, given your answers to HIS questions. Because, if he does, you can be fairly certain that he is interested in YOU, in addition to being interested in pulling your dress up (He wants your dress up as soon as possible).

So, a guy paying?, says he wants to get a whiff, that’s a given. But, how engaged in conversation, listening, follow-up questions…often, is a given that he is interested in YOU as well. Any guy that asks you out and expects you to pay half or part, ain’t sh!t!! Don’t go out with him again, and if he asks why tell him that “ Yo azz wanted me to pay half or part of the tab last time. You ain’t sh!t. And yo mama ain’t worth a damn either!! And yo daddy is a drunk, cheap, inexpensive, three and four timing shyster from way back, as well!!” Hell.

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:21 am

The thing with the ladies is ,when its them with the money..they make u really know it…

I don’t, cause we ain’t gon ball on my money. We can be married and put it together, but long as we ain’t married, ummm we ain’t balling on my money. Therefore, I don’t have a thing to throw up at you :)

Exiled!

January 22nd, 2014
10:22 am

@Du…this top shelf diznic I consistently sling is costly.

@lol:…!

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:23 am

That’s my .02 cents for today :mrgreen:

disco

January 22nd, 2014
10:27 am

Random – my son will be graduating soon with his master’s. don’t judge me but I told him I am not going to any more graduations after this. I hate graduation ceremonies. Wasting perfectly good vacation time for some boring mess.

SlimNu

January 22nd, 2014
10:30 am

disco – Congrats to your son!

Single & Happy

January 22nd, 2014
10:32 am

Disco, you just mean, ( I agree with you) but you still mean (LOL) I didn’t even attend my own graduation after High school.

disco

January 22nd, 2014
10:33 am

Re dates: dude asked me to dinner Monday night. I initially replied with maybe. Call me later. He called me later and I didn’t feel like it. Tuesday he asked again. I declined again. Lol. at this point I’d give up on me but he won’t. I told him way back he’s got to up his game from dinner. Dinner really is for folks who want to talk to one another (i.e. get to know one another). We cool but I don’t want him so he needs to find an alternative way to entertain me. Sitting across the table from someone for an hour to two hours can be torture when you ain’t got nothing to talk about. Lol.

Slim – thanks but what about me? Airfare, time off that could go to better use (lol), going to a city that I’d rather not visit for various reasons. Dude is wasting my time. Maybe I should make him get me a graduation gift to make up for it.

Coach

January 22nd, 2014
10:41 am

If you call up a women and invite her out, then you are paying. Bottom line. Now its up to you to plan out where to go and what to do according to your budget.
They have very good inexpensive places that are nice where you can go. You can go to an expensive place it just all depends on what you want to do.
Now if you go out, and the women orders two steaks, one to eat there and one to take home, Make it Clear to her that you will not pay for not tom-foolery like that.

Single & Happy

January 22nd, 2014
10:44 am

Coach what about when the woman calls and drops those subtle little hints?

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
10:44 am

“And by the way, no guy will ever go out with you, unless he wants to bend you over. So, that’s a given.”

So, what happened to this sentiment → “Never set out to wine & dine for the sole purpose of pulling her dress up and getting a whiff at some point.”

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
10:46 am

Congratulations to your son, disco! Major accomplishment.

Coach

January 22nd, 2014
10:49 am

@Single and Happy

It really depends on your budget and level of interest. If you have some extra money and are interested then take her out and observe her, if you dont have the money then let her know going out on your ticket is not feasible at this time and you will contact her and let her know when its good for you.