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Paying for dates

The costs of dating can get expensive so it’s understandable that people are selective about who they date. It makes sense not to sink a bunch of money into dating someone you aren’t truly interested in. One of my guy friends has some kind of system where he limits the amount of money he spends on first and second dates.

Do you think you should go Dutch and pay your own way on dates? Does it help to split the costs so that neither of you feel the pressure to always pay?

I try to at least reach for the check and I fully expect to pay. I think guys appreciate this and usually they insist on paying. I often offer to cover the tip in those cases.

How many dates should you pay for before sharing or splitting the check starts?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

269 comments Add your comment

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:49 am

Now if you go out, and the women orders two steaks, one to eat there and one to take home, Make it Clear to her that you will not pay for not tom-foolery like that.

I’m all about chilvary and taking care of your woman (cause I know that it comes back four-fold from a woman that truly appreciates…trust), but that ain’t got nothing to do with letting a woman take advantage of you. No a man should be subjected to “paying for stuff” cause he’s paying. I’d tell ole girl, you getting one steak, and act right or else it will be chop steak….lol But naw, she wouldn’t be getting a “to-go” plate on me (if I were a dude), all the while eating at the table. That’s greedy and using folks.

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:51 am

But….if you’re over 35, then you should be able to spring for a nice date. I didn’t say expensive, I side nice. If you cannot, and again over 35, you need to go sit down somewhere and get it together first!!

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:51 am

That’s .04 cents huh?

Reio

January 22nd, 2014
10:53 am

disco – This guy sounds persistent. Years ago, my plan was to ask only once. If she accepted, and I felt something, I’d ask again. Fortunately for me, they all agreed to see me the first time. Hell, they may have been disappointed afterwards, but they DID agree the first time. Had any of them declined, for whatever reason, they would not have been asked again. There were a couple of occasions where she declined, but suggested another time, or, declined, but asked that I call her to arrange something else. At least in those instances, she wanted to, but was unable to, at the time I wanted. Which was just fine. Never had a woman say “no” and leave it at that. Cause if they had, I would have done exactly THAT. Left it alone. I’ll pursue you, but I won’t chase you, if that makes any sense.

kimmie

January 22nd, 2014
10:54 am

Morning All!!

Hey Disco!! Congrats to your son and congrats to you on a job well done raising such an amazing young man! As for attending graduations, yeah they are boring. You said you were going to this one and he’s your only child, so his graduations are the only ones you are obligated to go to as far as I’m concerned. So unless he goes for a PhD, you can chill!LOL!!

On topic – You all have heard my stance on this before. Dutch is not a date. Yes, the proper way things are understood is that whomever does the asking does the paying. First few dates it’s all on him, I never asked a guy out unless we were already dating. I don’t even like doing the tip thing, especially since folks don’t do cash much so usually the tip would be added in and charged to a card. I don’t like this “chipping in” thing, not elegant. I will pay for the ENTIRE meal or BOTH the movie tickets, like that. And yes, once we get established I will do that, no doubt. Now if I wasn’t feeling a dude like that, I would not pay or go Dutch to send some type of message – I just didn’t go out with him. I can hang with platonic friends or coworkers, but if you were “feeling” me and I was not, I declined all offers. Never was that hungry for a free meal either.

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
10:55 am

That’s MY .04 cents and I’m sticking to it :mrgreen:

Coach

January 22nd, 2014
10:57 am

@Celisea

It just depends on what you consider nice. My grandma really likes piccadilly, so to her thats nice. Some people consider Red Lobster really nice. I have been to Ruth’s Chris and my fries came out cold and my steak wasnt cooked the way I said even though some folks would consider that a nice place.

A nice place to me would include Agave on BLVD, Pizza Vesuvius on Edgewood, Kiku For Hibachi, Or Tin Lizzy’s on Memorial for drinks.Corner Tavern is nice too in East Point for shooting pool. This is what I like, others may consider these places as below their standards. Its really a personal preference.

Exiled!

January 22nd, 2014
10:58 am

If she orders two steaks,one for immediate consumption and the other for later?

Well..,plan on putting her to work so when you make her hungry later,she can dine on ur dime…Again! :lol:

disco

January 22nd, 2014
11:00 am

Reio – dude knows I’m funny acting. He’s got a better chance of me accepting if he catches me in the car or out and about. If I’m inside chilling it’s not likely that I’ll get dressed to step out to meet him. It is what it is.

hey kimmie!!!!!

Reio

January 22nd, 2014
11:00 am

Leggs – “Never set out to wine & dine for the sole purpose of pulling her dress up and getting a whiff at some point.”

What I intended to have this interpreted as was, “I” never set out….. It’s akin to saying. As a child, I didn’t put a tooth under my pillow. Never believed in the tooth fairy. Read “I” never believed in..

kimmie

January 22nd, 2014
11:03 am

Coach – I love Agave’!! That’s one of my favorite spots in the city.

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
11:03 am

Coach – Definitely. Remember, “nice” does not equate to expensive. My point was, a grown man should be able to comfortably have a nice evening out. And a grown man should know the kind of woman he’s dating. Shoot, I can roll with Picadilly, Red Lobster, a pizzeria, a pool hall, you name it.

Me and the kid’s dad would shoot pool all the time. I’m not that great, but he was my boo, so I enjoyed it for him. Please no one run with that….I did it for him, and yet enjoyed it.

MsAtl

January 22nd, 2014
11:03 am

Morning All!

I believe that a man should pay. That said, when I asked a man on a date, I did pay because I asked. He actually called me on it because he had his card in his hand when the server took my card. I explained to him that although I believe that generally a man should pay, I asked so I paid.

Disco- No judging here! Congratulations! I did laugh at your post though, because I was waiting for my own graduation to end, lol.

Reio

January 22nd, 2014
11:04 am

disco – Well, if he knows you’re “funny acting”, I guess he knows he should expect the unexpected. Mo power to him. Maybe he has a chance, and knows it.

kimmie

January 22nd, 2014
11:06 am

Cel – Go on girl and make it a nickel!!LOL! I agree with what you’ve said though.

disco

January 22nd, 2014
11:08 am

random: guys have you ever been interested in a girl who isn’t interested in you the same way? Scratch that. I’m sure you all have been at some point in time. How do you feel about that same chick discussing the guy that she is interested in with you? Do you shut it down quick? Do you go along with it? Do you offer advice? Do you just straight block? Do you admit that it has you feeling some kind of way?

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
11:11 am

I agree whoever asks for the date should pay.

Reio ~ I understand and knew you would say “I,” but your comment was “no” guy. You are a guy right (lol). I gotcha…

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
11:13 am

Reio

January 22nd, 2014
11:17 am

disco – Not experienced with this. But if I’m with her and she starts talking about some other guy that she is interested in, I’d go along with it, and suggest, in my own way, that this fella is the one she needs to be seeing, not me. I’d never be rude, interrupt, and tell her to shut up about that guy. However, that would be our last date, by the way. Her azz would get dropped. Same night/day.

MsAtl

January 22nd, 2014
11:18 am

Celisea- “Please no one run with that….I did it for him, and yet enjoyed it.” Run with it? I don’t have an issue with it. I agree that you should try things that your mate finds enjoyable; that’s called compromise and not being selfish.

disco

January 22nd, 2014
11:21 am

Reio – I asked because I see that with “friends” all the time. One friend is way more into the other and the other is always checking for someone else. Both men and women seem to often think that if they stick around they may eventually “win” by default.

Atl – I was invited to see lone survivor. Wasn’t familiar with it. told dude I would look into it. he asked about it again and I was like “heck naw I ain’t going to see that mess”. What’s funny is this same dude will follow me to foreign films in polish/French/whatever that he has zero interest in. I say – shame on him. Lol.

MsAtl

January 22nd, 2014
11:23 am

Disco- meh. If you were in a relationship with him, I would say you should have seen it…

disco

January 22nd, 2014
11:28 am

Atl – I’m not in a relationship with him but even if I was there’s just some stuff I’m not going to do – not even for the team. I enjoy movies too much to sit through a movie that doesn’t interest me at all when I could be across the hall watching something I want to see. I don’t do sports so I’m not watching the game. I may sit in the same room while he watches the game but he bet not expect me to participate in his excitement re the game.

Reio

January 22nd, 2014
11:29 am

Leggs – You’re right. I did say “no” guy…And I am a guy. I was talking about guys in general, and me specifically. I don’t recall going on multiple dates with women that I also didn’t want to bend over. Hell, if a relationship was to develop, I would also need to be attracted to her, in that way, as well.
Can’t imagine going on multiple dates with a woman, and feeling no attraction to her. She may be the most kind, articulate, loving woman in the Milky Way galaxy. But , if I have no desire whatsoever to pull her dress up? Guess what? “Ain’t gon be no relationship.”

DuShawn

January 22nd, 2014
11:30 am

discussing the guy that she is interested in with you?……..heyalll nawwww!!!! How you gone use my time with you to discuss the next man. My advice was always the same concerning another dude. “You’re making a mistake. He’s a pusazz dude, I’m hatin on him, you need to get rid of him and let me hit that.”
Re: Paying for Dates, when I was dating I almost always paid for meals or events, but I used to get them back on hotel rooms, “Baby, go head and find a spot, check in, get comfortable and text me the hotel and room number.”

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
11:32 am

MsAtl – :mrgreen: And it’s funny cause he’s been the less “booghie” of them all. And for the mindset we both had back then, we had a blast most of the time, during the good years. Things went south when I grew up and got a clue…and he didn’t….hahahahaha Otherwise, it was fly by the seat of our pants, from swanky to hole in the wall, to cheesy (sometimes), to naughty.

No regrets.

Sassy Me

January 22nd, 2014
11:33 am

whoever asks for the date should pay.

That’s the bottom line….however some folks still don’t get it.

kimmie

January 22nd, 2014
11:33 am

Disco – A good friend of mine used to do that, talk about other dudes she was seeing to a guy friend of hers. At first he couldn’t really do anything about it because he was married, then going thru a divorce. He finally was free and clear, but she was still not seeing him as anything other than a friend. I mean she would go into detail with him like she would a girlfriend, talking about how big a dude’s thang was & what he did with it, stuff like that. Finally he had enough and told her he didn’t want to hear anything else about this other dude’s wang. Something clicked with her, and she accepted his invitation of an official “date” and not just the usual hanging out they would sometimes do.

They are now married with 2 kids. :)

disco

January 22nd, 2014
11:33 am

D – so in short, you are the blocker? lol. did it make any difference at all if the dude she was into was one of your boys? Did you try to hype him up or did you block against him too?

LeeH1

January 22nd, 2014
11:34 am

Gender equality is wonderful except in dating. women used to not be able to get good paying jobs or paid on the same level as men, and so depended on men to squire the ladies about.

Now that men and women are on an equal basis, and when often the women make more money than the men do, gender equality just doesn’t seem to have caught up to the changes of financial equality. End result: women would rather stay single than date guys who make less money than they do, and can’t pay for their dates in a manner in which they are entitled.

Women marry up the financial ladder, not down. Dating simply shows where the man is on the totem pole.

disco

January 22nd, 2014
11:34 am

Kimmie – wow. I thought it was just a story to tie in. didn’t expect nuptials at the end. You just never know.

Button

January 22nd, 2014
11:36 am

Single – Krystals have a mean chilli pups ohhh wee good!

It’s an age old question of who pays and when do women start paying for dates. I’m a firm beiliever that men should pay for all dates and when it becomes a real relationship then if the women chooses to she can spring for dates, I know I do. I have absolutely no problem taking any man I’m in a real relationship out for dinner/breakfast/lunch/movies etc etc bc we’re in this together. Now if we’re just kicking it/ hooking up or what have you – aint know way I’m opening my wallet. A real relationship is about give and take. I believe in share and share alike.

Button

January 22nd, 2014
11:39 am

disco – congrats to your son! gone head and support your son by attending his graduation. He will be proud if you do.

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
11:40 am

That’s the bottom line….however some folks still don’t get it.

Hahaha, my time to exit.

Before I leave I’ll say, us classy women not only “get it”, but we get it and with no quams. Sorry if one can’t “pull” like the rest of us. Sorry if you’ve been relegated to sponsorship-dom (can I say that)and supporting ya boo. He’s no doubt sponsoring some other chick that require, and have standards. That’s the money he could be spending on you. Some of us are above that….

“Sigh” and exit!!!

MsAtl

January 22nd, 2014
11:40 am

LeeH1- I date guys who make less money than me and I would marry a guy who made less money than me if all other things were great. However, I am not going to waste my time with a man who is intimidated by a woman who has her own mind and uses it. I will not dumb down to satisfy anyone’s ego (man or woman).

kimmie

January 22nd, 2014
11:43 am

Disco – YOU didn’t expect it? Well I didn’t expect it either!! I was kinda friends with both of them, but I thought they would always be platonic cause he was a bit of a dog. He got his stuff together though. I was blown away when she called and told me they were dating, then told me they were getting serious and next thing I know he’s calling me asking me to find out her ring size cause he was taking her to Aruba and asking her to marry him!!

Celisea

January 22nd, 2014
11:43 am

Oh, maybe cause I don’t (have to) ask for dates. Ooooh, now I get it. Hahahahaha. Like I said, no calling, hounding and asking for dates. I’m the askee not the asker. But yeah, guess that makes sense then…folks that asks should pay.

disco

January 22nd, 2014
11:44 am

Lee – I ain’t balling but I really don’t prefer to date a guy who makes less ESPECIALLY if he’s supporting other folks with that less. Still, a little bit less, no biggie. A lot less, we might have a problem.

DuShawn

January 22nd, 2014
11:44 am

disco – Personally, I’ve never been in that situation, but if she chose one of my potnahs, I would help that happen. More power to him. If I can’t get it, that’s the next best thing. I would suggest however, that she allow me to test drive that azz, so I can honestly give her a glowing endorsement when I speak to my homie. I mean, I can’t recommend something I have no firsthand knowledge of. That’s false advertising and quite frankly threatens my integrity.

disco

January 22nd, 2014
11:45 am

Kimmie – that’s what’s up. she got a trip to aruba, a ring, and a husband. Old girl was on her game. Lol.

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
11:46 am

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/teen-partner-43-died-consensual-sex-act-article-1.1587371

How does this happen? The mother was home? The teen called the mom and the mom called the police to the home? Huh? Was the 16 year old living on her own or did the girl call her mother from her cellphone upstairs in the bedroom? Choking and cutting? There’s some perverted folk walking amongst us. If you need to choke or be choked to “get off,” please bypass me!

Sorry, just ranting.

disco

January 22nd, 2014
11:48 am

D – well you go. In my experience men block the hardest when it comes to their boys or their brothers. I did have one guy friend eventually hook me up with a friend of his. It took for me to befriend his wife before he became that open minded. Lol. we joke about it now. (he, I and his boy – his wife was never hip to the fact that he tried to holler).

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
11:50 am

Button ~ what is a chili pup?

MsAtl

January 22nd, 2014
11:50 am

Leggs- That is some crazy mess!!!

kimmie

January 22nd, 2014
11:52 am

Leggs – I know you asked Button, but a Krystal chilli pup is a mini chilli dog. They are good too!

Exiled!

January 22nd, 2014
11:53 am

Disco…it depends on the type of gal…some chics will mouth that likeness for another dude in ur presence because they’re comfortable with you…

I dont see a random chic saying that to me.

Whenever I stuck around a chic that was not responding the way I wanted,it was because I could see an opening.

If a chic is accepting my dates on the regular and Iam paying,I got a shot…Period!

…..the timing maybe a lil off,she ain’t closed her other deals etc but as long as we going out on dates,it means she is comfy with my company.

I think some men got better game than others.

Leggs

January 22nd, 2014
11:54 am

OH, thanks kimmie!

Exiled!

January 22nd, 2014
11:58 am

Any gal that asks for a date from potential suitor is desperate!
@Disco

Button

January 22nd, 2014
11:58 am

Leggs – it’s a small hot dog – mini dog. very tasty.

Sassy Me

January 22nd, 2014
11:59 am

:lol:

Note to self: Whatever you did…do it more often.