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Never called back

Do you believe that it is necessary to let someone know you lost interest in them? I have heard guys say that they just stopped calling and let the woman sort of just figure it out. I guess that’s one way to handle it but why can’t there be some kind of way to just say it?

When you meet someone and you are both trying to figure out if there is something there, isn’t there time to end things? I am not a fan of disappearing acts especially when there has been some kind of intimacy.

When do you think it is ok to just stop calling? What happens if you run into the person somewhere and they ask you why you stopped calling?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

228 comments Add your comment

lee

January 17th, 2014
6:28 am

What happens if you run into the person somewhere and they ask you why you stopped calling? Turn that around and ask them that same question, if they were wondering why-why didn’t they call… i can’t stand that i will turn those questions right around on you.

When do you think it is ok to just stop calling? When they say they just want to date nothing serous –why call a person who is seeing or wants to see a list of people–go ahead and go but do not think for one minute i will be ringing your phone–im not crazy or going out of my way for you. haha
TGIF

Button

January 17th, 2014
8:23 am

When you meet someone and you are both trying to figure out if there is something there, isn’t there time to end things? yes when you figure out there’s nothing there.

When do you think it is ok to just stop calling? 1. when you see that it’s not a match. 2. When he’s a jerk.

Good morning!

Kimmie

January 17th, 2014
8:37 am

Morning all! Blogging from home today.

Unless we were really serious, no biggie if dude decides to stop calling. I get the message quick & I’m not one of those “closure needing” women. And if I ran into him out somewhere, I would not ask him why he didn’t call. Would not give him the satisfaction of thinking I care that much. And if he had the nerve to come up to me and ask why I haven’t called him, which I have been asked before from a dude that went ghost on ME? I laughed & kept it moving, leaving him looking stupid!

Coach

January 17th, 2014
8:38 am

When they stop calling then you get the idea. In my mind they have done you a favor. At least you dont have to try to figure out where they are coming from.

Kimmie

January 17th, 2014
8:38 am

Oh and yes I’ve stopped calling or taking a dudes call before. No big deal, easier on everyone involved.

Button

January 17th, 2014
8:42 am

one thing I don’t like is when I used to give my number to a guy and when it’s “holiday” he send out text msg saying happy whatever.

SlimNu

January 17th, 2014
8:45 am

Morning,

Um, if we are newly dating and i’ve figured out soon on that we probably won’t mesh, I tend to slow down on any calls. We are not really obligated at this point unless of course a significant amout of time has been shared with the other. But as far as a few dates here and there, naw, my lack of interest pretty much speaks for himself.

SlimNu

January 17th, 2014
8:46 am

itself…not himself

Reio

January 17th, 2014
8:54 am

Morning all!

If they just stop calling without any notice, well, you get the message. If this happens to you, what you had, was a little girl/boy on your hands, and the fact that they just stopped calling, is proof of that.

Be glad. Even if you hoped that maybe this could go somewhere, you have just found out that this person was nothing more than an immature child. Void of the courage, wisdom, respect for you, and self respect needed, to truly proclaim themselves to be a full grown man or woman.

MsAtl

January 17th, 2014
8:56 am

Morning All!

I also am not a fan of disappearing acts depending on the level of situation intensity. Case in point, I went on two dates with a guy and he expressed interest in dating. We had several phone conversations and a few text conversations. He would go for 2 weeks with no contact. When he told me it was a busy time on his job, I informed him that may be but if there is an interest, it does not take more than a few minutes to make a quick phone call or send a text. When another 2 weeks went by, I didn’t bother to call or text him to see how he was doing because clearly he was either uninterested or too busy to date. He had expressed that he wanted a woman who would uplift a man and have his back but in my opinion, you have to get to that point first.

MsAtl

January 17th, 2014
8:57 am

The rest didn’t come through…

Now, if we had been going hot and heavy, then I think either one of us should give the other the courtesy of expressing that there was no longer any interest.

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
9:12 am

I can truly say I’ve never been a victim of a dude getting ghost. NEVER gave up the draws, as in “one hit wonder” only to see buddy done left the scene….lol I’m all about folks doing their thing, but I don’t want to hear any whining when you’re left high and dry. I believe in taking things slow, I believe in looking before you leap. It’s your job to guard and protect not only your heart, but your body as well.

Now, having said all that, it would be nice if folks would “have the talk”, but the reality is….they don’t owe you jack. IJS And I’m sure I can see where a dude is coming from, cause I’m one that will up and stop answering your calls (never been one too much that did the calling or pursue….just not how I was reared, not in my DNA), when I’m not feeling him. All he has to do is be cheesy, say something cheesy, don’t have potential (back then, cause good and grown folks should be well on their way), come off as who-ish, etc etc etc. I’m a funny person, I can get turned off on a turn.

Anyhoo, like I said, common courtesy goes a long way and just may keep the door open in the future, be again the reality is, folks don’t owe you a thing, IMO unless married. Otherwise….all is fair in love and war

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
9:13 am

And I can’t say what I’d do if I ran into someone what just stopped calling….never had that happen to me

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
9:14 am

And yes, I meant “draws”, not drawers….lololol

DuShawn

January 17th, 2014
9:19 am

Déjà vu all over again. These comments are so predictable.

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
9:21 am

I remember when Silky first showed interest and would text/call me. He eventually said, “you shole don’t believe in calling a brother.” That’s the second time a dude has said that to me. And really, I don’t think I was cognizant of it, until he spoke it into the air. He always called. I always knew he’d call. I’m being serious and honest, I never thought twice about “should I call him”, cause….he always called and it felt natural that way. I laughed though when he said it and told him, never really thought about it cause you always call me (insert smile here).

When a dude is feeling you, ain’t playing games, not the type that gets tired after he’s done hit, split and quit it, he won’t get ghost on you.

Reio

January 17th, 2014
9:35 am

“… would uplift a man and have his back ..”

Da hell does that mean? Damn you. Damn uplifting. damn yo back. Uplift yo own azz. Just do it elsewhere. Weak stankin fugga.

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
9:38 am

Déjà vu all over again. These comments are so predictable.

Not mine. Shoot, I’m team “get over it.” Folks don’t owe you nothing. It’s your job to pay attention and watch your steps. We already know folks lie, are fake, tell you what you wanna hear, play games, etc etc etc. Most times when I’ve been talking to a dude (say a past potential), I hear Charlie Brown’s teacher until his actions synch up with all that stuff he’s telling me.

Reio

January 17th, 2014
9:41 am

The only thing kinda related to this that I can recall was a time years ago when I was seeing a young lady. Wouldn’t call it dating cause we never went out(I don’t think. Been a while.). Seems like she couldn’t find a babysitter (a young son, maybe 4), so I went to her apartment on a few occasions in the evenings. Sat around talking, laughing…Don’t recall ever pulling her dress up (I may have, just don’t remember.) Anyway, she stopped calling. I would call her and leave messages (No cell phones yet) on her answering machine. A week. Two weeks. Nothing. Still another week went by. Nothing.

Well, she finally called, and explained to me that she was at the hospital with her son. He had surgery on his spleen. I remember this cause that was the first time that I had heard of spleen surgery. He had been in ICU for a few weeks cause he was quite young and didn’t handle the surgery well. Slow to recover. He was discharged and she and I resumed what we were doing over time, but it sorta fizzled out. No harm done. I had decided that she had dumped me, but didn’t have the courage to tell me. But she did eventually call. Seems like she could have at least called and left a message for me during those weeks, but, at the same time, her baby was in ICU, ill, and very young. Being a mom was all that mattered. “This relatively new fella, whom I like, but don’t really know that well, and proly only wants to pull my dress up anyway, ain’t important.”, is more than likely what she was saying to herself, in between praying for her son. I understood.

MsAtl

January 17th, 2014
9:49 am

Reio- Lol. I’m saying! If we are in a relationship then sure I will have your back when your job is busy and stressful. By the same token, if you are too busy to date, then don’t date. You expressing interest don’t mean a hill of beans to me if your actions show otherwise.

kimmie

January 17th, 2014
9:51 am

The calls start falling off, even if one doesn’t completely go ghost, if the interest is no longer there. It’s the universal sign of “I’m not interested anymore”. Whether the guy was immature or whatever never mattered to me. What did matter was that I get the message as soon as possible that you’re not into me anymore.

Reio – A situation like you described, or the guy in question is incapacitated himself, is the only one I would accept. I’ve had a few to claim things got real busy at work. Nope, not a good enough reason. You’re not interested anymore and that’s fine. I keep it moving.

SlimNu

January 17th, 2014
9:55 am

Yeah, imma have to call bs on ‘busy at work’ excuses, unless you’re a brain surgeon or something. I then, can see why you wouldn’t be able to text me at that time. However, it doesn’t take a damn hour or more just to keep in touch. Plus, if you’re really interested, you’ll make time. There’s all kinds of ways to communicate in this day and age. No communication means no real interest (for the most part anyway)

Reio

January 17th, 2014
9:56 am

MsAtl – I’m saying, even if you have been together for a while and there is mutual “like” (at least) between you, be a man. Da hell you want a woman to have yo back for? Have yo own back. Stand up. Be responsible. Be respectful of, not only her, but yourself as well. Hell. Or, maybe I still don’t get what you’re saying, MsAtl. I don’t know. Damn his back. Tell him to roast in hell, in any event. Jus sayin.

Leggs

January 17th, 2014
10:00 am

“Do you believe that it is necessary to let someone know you lost interest in them.” – No, not at all. You don’t need to hear that someone has lost interest in you. You don’t hear from them or see them should speak volumes to you. This isn’t rocket science. If you’re newly dating and s/he becomes “ghost,” chalk it up to they’re no longer interested.

“When do you think it is ok to just stop calling?” – Whenever you feel like it. But in all seriousness, if you two went out on a few dates and one realizes they really aren’t interested in going any further, silence will inform the other that this thing has come to a screeching halt. Now, if you’ve been in relationship for some time, I would hope grown folk will have had a conversation. Most know the relationship is over before the words are spoken. Again, actions speaks volumes if you’re paying attention.

” What happens if you run into the person somewhere and they ask you why you stopped calling?” – I’d hope one wouldn’t ask, but if one should get the nerve to ask please be prepared for the answer.

My computer literally just blew up. There was a loud BOOM. Now, I’m typing on this teeny tiny loaner laptop from IT….uuuggh!

Good morning.

Reio

January 17th, 2014
10:03 am

kimmie – Yes, I understood. She was fearful for her son. Worried. Sad. Confused…I did see her son after they got home and I visited. I watched her change the dressing on his surgery scar….So I was more than forgiving (Not that she needed to be) for her lack of communication during that time.

Button

January 17th, 2014
10:04 am

I don’t think the topic is about going ghost after schex but rather getting ghost after a few phone calls. It first initinal phase of getting to know. Maybe after the first date. I don’t have really much else to add other than it is what it is. Sometimes he/she will not call back or obligated to do so either, no commitment.

DuShawn

January 17th, 2014
10:06 am

“immature child. Void of the courage, wisdom, respect for you,” -Reio- you have a tendency to go over the top with your comments. However, there is some truth to your position. If a guy stops calling a female, it has little to do with maturity, courage or wisdom. It’s strictly a respect issue. Like Big Mama used to say…..”what you don’t say, says it all.” Few men are afraid to tell a chick he’s no longer interested. If they fail to do so, it’s because they have concluded that she wasn’t worth the time or the words. Obviously he had little respect for her in the beginning and even less at the end. I guess if he was mature, brave and wise he would call her up and tell her that…….On second thought, maybe he should just stop calling.

DuShawn

January 17th, 2014
10:10 am

“I don’t think the topic is about going ghost after schex but rather getting ghost after a few phone calls.” Now I’m confused. What’s the proper protocol. If we had sex a few times, and then I stop calling you…..I’m wrong for that, but if we just went on a few dates and I stop calling then I’m good?

Button

January 17th, 2014
10:13 am

Du – I’ve heard men say they stop calling out of fear of the backlash from the woman, you know crying asking why, questions. Him having to explain the reason he’s dipping.

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
10:15 am

And really, a woman with pride ain’t gon run no joker down tryna find out why. Shoot, she’s like yeen gon have me breaking down like that. I’d be lying if I’d say I wouldn’t feel some kind of way after a dude has gone ghost. But, if I were ever in that situation, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing it stung a little.

Button

January 17th, 2014
10:17 am

Du – sticking with the topic at had, Diva didn’t say whether the no call was after a date, schex or a simple call. My thoughts are pointed never called back after a few phone conversations.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

January 17th, 2014
10:19 am

Yeah, not having that convo is….kinda smelly IMO.

If I’m not feeling you like that, I owe it to you (and me) to be upfront about it; and vice versa.

Fading off (even when I was guilty of it), seemed like a cop-out.

Reio

January 17th, 2014
10:21 am

“…. -Reio- you have a tendency to go over the top with your comments…”

Well, I just post my opinion. Not really out to create a stir or get approval. Just typing my thoughts and clicking ‘Submit Comments’ That’s all. “Over the top”? Well, ok. But, I’ll never change. Might leave. But I’ll never change.

DuShawn

January 17th, 2014
10:24 am

I’ve heard men say they stop calling out of fear of the backlash …….there is some truth to that, but I don’t think it’s a lack of courage, it’s more of a “I don’t feel like hearing all that shid”

Mrs. SexyCool

January 17th, 2014
10:25 am

“What happens if you run into the person somewhere and they ask you why you stopped calling?”

This makes me think of Martin Lawrence’s Jerome character.

“You can’t CAAAAALLLLL nobody?!?!?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbV5GCWi68U

Reio

January 17th, 2014
10:27 am

Leggs – Sounds like your tremendously overwhelming and spectacular inner beauty, once again, has filled the air and disrupted normal flow of electrons and information through your computer. Or, the grim reaper entered your work area, and decided that you will die this evening on your way home in a violent collision in which you will be decapitated, with blood and guts all over the road. A loud BOOM from a computer, is a sure sign for either of these. We’ll have to wait and see.

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
10:28 am

Or, the grim reaper entered your work area, and decided that you will die this evening on your way home in a violent collision in which you will be decapitated, with blood and guts all over the road

:shock: I’on be playing with stuff like this….IJS

Leggs

January 17th, 2014
10:28 am

Reio ~ don’t leave. I enjoy reading you.

Mrs. SexyCool

January 17th, 2014
10:29 am

On the other side of this coin are the “unanswered calls.”

I used to be the queen of the DNA numbers saved in my phone. Then, I just decided to tell them jokers to stop calling. Saved time out of my life and theirs.
#ProblemSolved

DuShawn

January 17th, 2014
10:31 am

Just an insignificant observation……..I have also noticed it really kicks in when you discuss males that lack moral fiber. You will string together about ten descriptively degrading adjectives in one sentence. I do think you write well though. By the way, you have my approval. You can continue to participate. (I’m just f&*kin wit u man)

Mrs. SexyCool

January 17th, 2014
10:31 am

O/T – I was supposed to be cutting out my one cup of morning coffee this morning. Um…yeah…I made it until 1024a.

Leggs

January 17th, 2014
10:32 am

Oh snap, Reio ~ I forgot about the static electricity comment yesterday. To come think about it, that might have been a sign that somethng was amiss under my desk. Now today, my computer blows! My legs are stretched out under my desk and my radio is fine.

Reio ~ I’m with Celisea on that one. Just for the record, I never play around with death, never joke about, deathly afraid of death. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am!

disco

January 17th, 2014
10:34 am

Good morning. I understand the phone calls dropping off. I dubbed it “the fadeaway”. Personally I hate it and as such I don’t generally do it. I’m more likely to just out and out say “look. I’m not feeling this, I don’t like your conversation, your situation is less than ideal for me or whatever. Long story short – this ain’t going to work”.

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
10:34 am

I LOVE keeping my DNA list. Them jokers eventually get it. And what I like about my phone, a blocked number means no texts coming through either :) Save my breath of even having to have that convo

Remember the Waffle House dude? I blocked him (my other phone) and I can tell he “figured” as much cause he sent a text like “what’s up?” sorta asking. I was like “morning!” Yeah, Imma let you ride that ride til you get it.

Leggs – You shouldn’t be afraid of death (well none of us should be), it won’t hurt. It’s just a transition to the next life. That’s the scary part….

MyThoughtsAreMyOwn

January 17th, 2014
10:35 am

Soon there will be an App for this social entity.
Yep, instead of a text msg the App sends an imaged picture of a talking (male or female) saying – “Don’t call me anymore” with music of your choice.

Yep – soon there will be an App.

2CPTG©

January 17th, 2014
10:36 am

chic: why ye’en called me….
me: :shock:
chic: so what, you’on like me
me: :shock:
chic: well?
me: :shock:
chic: guess not…..

Reio

January 17th, 2014
10:36 am

Celisea – ” I’on be playing with stuff like this….IJS”
When your final hour approaches, it comes. No amount of posts, no kind of posts, on a blog, can neither expedite nor delay it’s eventuality Just the way it is. IJS..

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
10:37 am

Reio – True… Death is just so, what, final? I’on wanna play with that.

Button

January 17th, 2014
10:39 am

Reio – now that was deep and creepy.

Celisea

January 17th, 2014
10:39 am

I heard a preacher last Sunday saying he use to be deathly afraid to fly. Then he realized that God placed him down here to do a work and until the time of his appointment with death, he ain’t going nowhere. No plane, train or any other matter will take him before then.