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Are you too raunchy for your date?

My friend Chris is new to the city so he has been meeting women in different places. Recently he met “Kelly” at the gym and asked her out. Kelly told him that she wanted to pick the location and so he agreed to pick her up. She gave him turn by turn directions and they ended up at some kind of adult entertainment venue.

Chris is super straight laced and not into that scene at all so he insisted that she pick another activity for them. She obliged but he said that the entire evening she said some really raunchy things.

Now, in Kelly’s defense, when Chris is in his workout gear, you can’t tell that he is conservative. Apparently she didn’t gather that from the few conversations they had before the date either. So know we have two people with extremely different viewpoints on a date. Awkward!

I think if Kelly had saved her raunchy side for later, he could have discovered other things that they had in common. He decided with absolute certainty that there won’t be a second date, though.

Do you ever get turned off when someone you just met gets to raunchy?

Guys, how would you have reacted in this situation?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

187 comments Add your comment

lee

January 8th, 2014
6:42 am

WoW
I don’t care for raunchy or dirty talk, it turns me right off. I don’t know why someone you barely know you would feel ok talking like that, thats just weirdo to me -> time to run away from that person

hagd

Exiled!

January 8th, 2014
7:26 am

straight laced? Da he ll !

What became of ‘give the woman what she wants?!’ :lol:

Chris has to realize that this here is the A..not the corn filled,cow dung infested lands where he came from where the women wear Amish gear!

He needs to wise up!

What was he gon do with the lady if he had won her over??

Diva? please give Kelly my mobile# and email add.. :lol: she wants her cobs ruffled! :lol:

Good morning MIA!

SlimNu

January 8th, 2014
8:20 am

WTF! I guess it’s different strokes for different folks but I’m having a hard time thinking an adult venue as a great place for a first date. That would not even cross my mind…

YesSheIsCute

January 8th, 2014
8:28 am

Wow. I wish women like that would deal with men like that and vice versa. Instead of women like that preying on straight laced men and vice versa.

Yes I get turned off if men are raunchy too soon or talk about sex before even asking things about me like my birthday, hobbies, etc. I do however value their honesty. Please let me know that’s all you care about before I sleep with you so that I can send you on your merry way to someone like Kelly. You win, she wins, I get to keep my cobwebs and watch Netflix. We all win. :D

SlimNu

January 8th, 2014
8:42 am

I assume that they didn’t do many phone conversations, if any, prior to the actual date. But some girls just want to have fun.

Button

January 8th, 2014
8:42 am

Too raunchy too soon is a turn off, I like dirty talking but when we are in an established relationship though. I always waited a while before I release my inhabitions in a relationship, (not dating) don’t want to scare the guy off! Kelly should’ve waited to release her wild side, not every guy can handle it. btw Kelly is a brave soul to invite a stranger to her home. IMO Kelly is pushing the envelop a tab bit too much.

Good morning!

Single & Happy

January 8th, 2014
8:47 am

Hello all

Nothing wrong with what she did, they found out early they’re not compatible! If he’s as straight laced as diva claim “Now, in Kelly’s defense, when Chris is in his workout gear, you can’t tell that he is conservative.” it wouldn’t have made a difference when he found out. Now I don’t know how you can tell by what someone is wearing how conservative they are but, hey I guess that’s why so many get fooled.

Do you ever get turned off when someone you just met gets to raunchy? Sex has never stopped me from getting to know someone if I wanted to know them

Guys, how would you have reacted in this situation? Would have went right on in and had a great time.

Yes, this was their first and seems only date, how were they supposed to know each others personality. That’s what dating is about.

DuShawn

January 8th, 2014
8:48 am

I do raunchy……the sooner the better.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

January 8th, 2014
8:52 am

Short answer: no

Long answer: Hell no.

Though, I used to try to have that conversation about “expectations” and I talked myself out of a lot of good times. Then I stopped and had a few more good times.

The funny thing is, when I stopped talking myself out of the good times, I ran into a few of the women from the past. They commented (generally) on self loathing, a history of abuse, and poor self esteem. #dodgedafewbullets

morning

Button

January 8th, 2014
9:08 am

Maybe Kelly wanted to take Chris to her favorite place. How many ppl go to an adult entertainment establishment for a first date? well one for sure – Kelly. :lol:

Most respectable men would not want a woman who is a free spirit.

czBrat

January 8th, 2014
9:13 am

I think if Kelly had saved her raunchy side for later, he could have discovered other things that they had in common.
ya think?

Do you ever get turned off when someone you just met gets to raunchy?
to each his/her own, but I have to be loooong into you (get the dirty image out your mind!) before i’m comfortable with “raunchy”. in my world, that’s one short rung above filth.

Slim!! Me-lo!!
HiYas! =)

DuShawn

January 8th, 2014
9:14 am

If a female invited me to a strip joint on our first date, I’m thinking I lucked out. Personally, I would’ve been flattered and thought she probably worked there(with a hook up at the bar.) If he knew what I knew, he would’ve taken her inside, told her to find something she likes and bring it back to the table.
Some people take dating to serious. You don’t have to marry her. Lighten up and have some fun. “Not into that scene at all so he insisted that she pick another activity for them……” She should’ve dropped him off at bible study.

czBrat

January 8th, 2014
9:17 am

Please let me know that’s all you care about before I sleep with you so that I can send you on your merry way to someone like Kelly. You win, she wins, I get to keep my cobwebs and watch Netflix. We all win
luv this ^ :lol: :lol:

Single & Happy

January 8th, 2014
9:18 am

Du you might need to tell them again I don’t think they heard you (LOL)

Some people take dating to serious. You don’t have to marry her. Lighten up and have some fun. “Not into that scene at all so he insisted that she pick another activity for them……” She should’ve dropped him off at bible study.

Single & Happy

January 8th, 2014
9:21 am

CZ if he’s so conservative that he insisted she find somewhere else, what do you think they would have in common? Her raunchy side would have always been a problem for him!

czBrat

January 8th, 2014
9:32 am

single, isn’t it possible the dude just wanted to get to know the chick in a less sexually charged atmosphere and without pillow talk leading the way? doesn’t mean they couldn’t possibly have ANYTHING in common (clearly they both workout …. and date :shock: ).
she just took the wrong approach … with him.

YesSheIsCute

January 8th, 2014
9:35 am

@Button I was taken to somewhere similar on a first date (we did a meet and greet first). I honestly wasn’t put off until he suggested our next date be some clothing optional club. That’s when I realized that he had lost his mind in various ways.

MsAtl

January 8th, 2014
9:36 am

While I am all for having fun dating, I would be offended if straight out the gate a man started with the raunchy talk. I don’t find that flattering. Let me get to know you first. If we are in a relationship, then by all means, fly your freak flag and let’s have some fun, but first date? Ummm, no.

DuShawn

January 8th, 2014
9:45 am

“I would be offended if straight out the gate a man started with the raunchy talk…….”Let’s be clear, if a guy does that…..he’s a perverted idiot. If a chick does it, she’s confident and uninhibited. What would really be cool is if on the next date she invited him to a play or a museum, then maybe to church. Most men would be intrigued by her diversity. Not to mention if she made him wait a while to get some, she could be a keeper. You can’t always judge a book by its raunchy cover.

Button

January 8th, 2014
9:51 am

Yes – Did you know he was going to take you there? was it a surprise?

Leggs

January 8th, 2014
9:52 am

How did she hide her raunchy side from the few conversations they did have and what made her feel comfortable enough to become raunchy on their first date? Sounds like he was a bit too uptight to go with the flow of new experiences, new positions (lol).

I recently told a gf that I had lunch at Strokers one time and she immediately turned her nose up saying how can you eat with the stench of puddy in the air? Told her it smell like that to me when I was there. She immediately said all strip clubs smell like that. If you hadn’t been to all of them, don’t make that statement. Closed-minded….I guess at lunch time the girls are just getting started and the air is still clean (lol).

Hey there, czB. Good to read you.

Good, good morning!

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
9:55 am

Morning Gang!

Wise Diva, you should have Chris introduce Kelly to David, from our topic on Monday!LOL!! David certainly would not accuse her of sending “mixed messages”!LOL!!

Let me get my thoughts better together on this topic before I answer.

Hey Brat, good to read ya!!

Celisea

January 8th, 2014
9:57 am

She should’ve dropped him off at bible study.

Where I would have been ready and waiting for him :mrgreen:

MsAtl

January 8th, 2014
9:59 am

DuShawn-…….”Let’s be clear, if a guy does that…..he’s a perverted idiot. If a chick does it, she’s confident and uninhibited.”
Nah Du- she nasty.

Leggs

January 8th, 2014
10:02 am

it DIDN’T smell like that….

SlimNu

January 8th, 2014
10:05 am

cz – Wzup, wzup, wzuuuuup ;-)

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
10:07 am

Most respectable men would not want a woman who is a free spirit.

Button – I guess it depends on ones definition of a free spirit. I personally define it just as someone who marches to the beat of their own drum. They don’t feel the need to always follow the status quo and do what is “expected” all the time. I find free spirits are usually more artistic and creative. They are no less respectable than anyone else. They seem to live life to the fullest. They will wear bright yellow while everyone else is wearing beige.

I fancy myself to be a bit of a free spirit. I caused a bit of a stir with my parents when I didn’t want to go to the “expected” college they initially wanted me to attend. I made my case, and they came around and respected my choice. Where I messed up was choosing a “safe” and boring major. I find I am happiest when I follow my free spirit instincts. Like wearing a pink wedding dress instead of the traditional white. :)

SlimNu

January 8th, 2014
10:10 am

….I guess at lunch time the girls are just getting started and the air is still clean Falling out :lol:

DuShawn

January 8th, 2014
10:10 am

“Nah Du- she nasty………” it’s rare, and kinda odd, for a female to start talking about sex right off the rip. Although I have dated a few that immediately begin describing what they would do to me and the positions they liked etc. My initial thoughts where “wait a minute, this is too easy, something ain’t right”.

2CPTG©

January 8th, 2014
10:11 am

Du…..I concur with all of your statements!

so, riddle me this, what did they talk about during those phone convos? As Ex stated, Chris is prolly one of those dudes from a lil small town who ain’t used to gals comin at him so boldly….hell, Diva, why didn’t you school ya boy on the ways, and wiles of these Atl gals???

SlimNu

January 8th, 2014
10:14 am

I’m thinking that timing is everything. I’m not a prude nor am I against going to strip clubs. However, if a dude took me to one as a first date, i’d be totally turned off. Now if we’ve been dating, built up our comfort level and were vibing, then I would be more open to hitting up a strip club for a date later on down the road. It’s that Strip-club-out-the-gate part that would make me frown up my face thinking, “whatchuthinkthisis fool!”. But if he said they were going to be having bible study at the club, then maybe I’d be more relaxed. j/k

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
10:22 am

It takes all kinds to make the world go round in an interesting manner. If nothing else, Kelly sure gave Chris(and the blog) something interesting to talk about! :)

Having said that, what Kelly did was a little over the top, and a little risky for a woman to do with someone she doesn’t know. I’m citing the safety factor of it all. The freak factor, well I’m sure she’ll have no problem finding someone willing to go along with it. Chris is just not the one, especially coming out the gate. Maybe he might have been more willing down the line. He might even turn out to be a bigger freak than her. A lot of times, the straight-laced, quiet types are the ones you gotta watch more than the bold, outgoing types. :wink:

They could have ended up being perfect for each other. But first impressions are everything.

Dirty talk before you know me like that has never been my thing, but I do appreciate finding out early exactly where one is coming from.

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
10:28 am

why didn’t you school ya boy on the ways, and wiles of these Atl gals???

2C – Hey wait a minute! This is the first Atl girl I’ve heard of doing such! Don’t get it twisted. Kelly probably isn’t even from the Atl herself. Conservative Chris bet not think it’s gonna be like that with all the women in the A.

Small town or big city, that was unexpected what Kelly did.

Exiled!

January 8th, 2014
10:29 am

Hey Brat!

@DuShawn..she should have dropped him at bible study! Hilarious.

Leggs

January 8th, 2014
10:35 am

SlimNu ~ I fell out when I typed it (lol).

kimmie ~ I was thinking of your pink wedding dress when you were talking about being a free spirit. Glad you mentioned that amazing fact!

czBrat

January 8th, 2014
10:39 am

co-signing slim’s 10:14

hmm. maybe she just wanted to shock him out of his comfort zone. great idea for ice-breaking on a first date, but I wouldn’t quite go THAT route.

hola, chicas! good to be read. 2013 was just too dang long.
wishing us all a fab ‘14 =)

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
10:40 am

How did she hide her raunchy side from the few conversations they did have and what made her feel comfortable enough to become raunchy on their first date?

Leggs- Didn’t we have a topic a few months back where some guy took a woman to a strip club on a 1st date or was that just a story one of the bloggers posted? Either way, I remember a few of the guys on here saying that the woman in that case just had to have done/said/dressed/acted in a way that made the dude think she would be down for that type of thing. Basically put it on the woman that she didn’t warrant the respect of the guy so that’s all he thought she was good for.

Well, Chris must have said or done something to make Kelly think he would be down for some adult entertainment. I mean, Wise does say that by the way he dresses at the gym you wouldn’t think he’s so straight-laced…….hmmm :wink:

Double standard much?

Button

January 8th, 2014
10:40 am

Kimmie – yes free spirit is one who is not restrained, as by convention or obligation; someone who lives by their own wishes and is unconstrained by society. I used to be a free spirit, always went against the grain. eccentric but it got me into a bunch of trouble so I retired the cape and now live as a prude. lol

2CPTG©

January 8th, 2014
10:41 am

kimmie, see, right now y’all good gals are in the majority…..when we get more than the same 10 gals commenting, you’ll understand where I’m coming from.

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
10:42 am

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
10:42 am

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
10:44 am

DuShawn

January 8th, 2014
10:50 am

“Wise does say that by the way he dresses at the gym you wouldn’t think he’s so straight-laced…….” That’s a kinda wierd statement. Dude must have been bench pressing with a thong on.

Leggs

January 8th, 2014
10:50 am

kimmie ~ yes, we did. You’re right, many said she either dressed that way giving off the wrong impression or something in her made him feel it was cool to go there for their first date. Now, a woman is taking a guy there for a first date and nothing in his “being” said he was asking for that. Double standard don’tcha think. I guess it being stated he’s very conservative shut down such labeling….yeah right!

czBrat

January 8th, 2014
10:51 am

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
10:53 am

Dude must have been bench pressing with a thong on.

Du – That’s the visual I conjured up!LOL!! If so, Freaky Kelly looked at dude and said “it’s on!”

Mrs. SexyCool

January 8th, 2014
10:55 am

Mrs. SexyCool

January 8th, 2014
10:59 am

Kelly was looking for a jump-off. Chris was looking for a girlfriend.

“This was not a Love Connection.” #Next

Oh…and they sell “conservative” workout gear?!? Who knew?!?

And last but not least…somebody’s filter was off. Was it Kelly’s for not picking up on Chris’ conservatism? Or Chris’ for not seeing Kelly’s wild side coming?

Leggs

January 8th, 2014
11:00 am

Button ~ you’re about to get married, right? Well, you need to dust off that cape and douse some of that prude. Keep parts of her, but surprise your hubby with that eccentric, free spirit person.

“… Dude must have been bench pressing with a thong on.” – I’m cracking up because when I read that I thought of him working out in a wetsuit.

kimmie

January 8th, 2014
11:03 am

SCool – Ain’t nothing “conservative” if it’s 2 sizes too small!LOL!!