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Dating: Tease or mixed message?

It’s the start of a new year and some singles are already experiencing a dating dilemma! We have a young man, David (27) who met a woman at a Halloween party. They have gone out a couple times and over the Christmas holiday, he invited her over to his house. Now, David figured she felt comfortable with him so he made his move. She turned him down, yet her behavior turned more playful and teasing.

Fast forward to New Year’s Eve and they made plans to see one another. The whole night she flirts and sends him racy text messages. He waits for her to give the green light and nothing. Then she comes over to his place and they just crash.

David said that he wants to be a gentleman but he believes that he is getting mixed messages from her. He also wonders if this the behavior of women who just tease men for kicks?

Have you ever dated someone who led you on but didn’t really make any move towards anything?

Have you ever been called a tease? What do you think is teasing behavior?

177 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

January 6th, 2014
6:19 am

YesSheIsCute

January 6th, 2014
6:20 am

You know what they say, If you see a sucker lick ‘em. Ride it out as long as you can because once he hits that (and it’s good) it’s over.

lee

January 6th, 2014
7:06 am

Lets see since oct to dec they went out a couple of time which means 2 , and she is the tease… please stfu

Now if they were going out steady for several months and that happened i would say yes he is getting taken for a ride being teased but that is not what was stated, so it seems he just wants to take her for a physical ride and it didn’t work out now he has the blues…

Its cold out there everyone bundle up and be safe

YesSheIsCute

January 6th, 2014
7:15 am

Hey Lee! :)

I think your scenario sounds plausible now that I re-read what was written. It says they have gone out a couple of times. Does that mean 2 dates? Does that mean they met up for coffee 2 times? It doesn’t sound like he was really trying to get to know her and be affectionate……. but then again I don’t really know what the scenario is. It sounds like because she accepted the home invitation he assumed that she was willing. Just because I step over your threshold and onto your carpet doesn’t mean I want to. It’s cold outside man!

Speaking of thresholds, I still haven’t gotten my first male guest for the year for good luck.

Single and Happy

January 6th, 2014
7:32 am

Hello everyone

Whatever happened to just asking someone where you are? Instead of trying to read someones mind.

YesSheIsCute

January 6th, 2014
8:04 am

@SH that’s why I said a lot of Wise Diva’s readers with questions are better off asking the horse’s mouth. Why doesn’t he just ask her what the deal is? It’s a lot of grown arse children running around. An adult would just come out and ask what the deal is or state their case. You can ask for my opinion in how to handle it, but asking me what that person means by it is backwards….

Button

January 6th, 2014
8:06 am

They’ve only gone out a couple of time since October? wow, there’s not much to get mixed up about. She likes to flrit, he wants to smash. They are both playing with each other. They need to go their separate ways. He could be a bad boy and take it but then he might catch a case so it’s good to know that he’s not that type of guy.

Single – I’m with you @asking.

Good morning!

Button

January 6th, 2014
8:47 am

David is 27 and the girl is probably the same age or younger, so with that I’ll give them both a pass for their silliness.

SlimNu

January 6th, 2014
8:50 am

If you see a sucker lick ‘em

I have NEVER heard this before but it has me tickled. lol

SlimNu

January 6th, 2014
8:57 am

Ole girl seems to be acting very childish if yo ask me…at first, I was thinking maybe she was not ready to go there with him but still flirted so he’d at least know she’s interested. But to go so far as to send racey texts but shuts down in person, i’m like (insert rolling eyes here)..I mean, you’re with each other on NYE, and she still sends texts to him when he’s right in front of her??? Seems like she just gets off on the build up or his response to her ways. Some chicks make it bad for the rest of us with this stupid behavior. You get mad when a dude treats you like a piece of meat, but then feels some kind of way if he tries to be a gentleman with you throwing the bacon bit all up in his grill with temptation, like a dog chasing the rabbit at the dog track. Pick a lane and stick to it. Stop trying to pass on the right or even in the emergency lane. lol

Leggs

January 6th, 2014
9:16 am

“Now, David figured she felt comfortable with him so he made his move.” – DAMN, when will a man get out of the mentality of since the woman agreed to come to his house she’s down for the get down. Not all women do that. This is the #1 reason why a woman shouldn’t go to a man’s house right out the gate. The stigma has already been set! Now, if she went over there 1:00 in the morning, that would be a different subject.

David said that he wants to be a gentleman – Really, he now wants to be a gentleman after trying to make a move on her with her first visit to his house.

but he believes that he is getting mixed messages from her. – He is getting mixed messages probably because he already tried getting in her pants so now she’s seeing how far she can dangle him and what fruits of her labor she can extract from him.

He also wonders if this the behavior of women who just tease men for kicks? – No, this is the behavior of tricks who tease men to see how weak or strong of a man or plaything he’s going to be! Apparently, she turned him down with his first attempt and couldn’t have been offended since she’s now sending flirty texts. They’re both trying to see which rudder on the cow produces the best tasting milk.

Good morning.

Robert

January 6th, 2014
9:39 am

“she comes over to his place and they just crash”

I will give you the benefit of the doubt and allow you to “crash” 1 time only at my house especially if we have not been intimate. After all I am a gentleman and will respect your wishes.

Know if this is a pattern and she is seeking more attention or trying to play hard-to-get then I will have to take control of the situation. All good women need a “Great Man” to train them on – how to take off her panties. The next time she comes over to my house I will make it easy for her. I will open the door dressed only in my bathrobe. I will sit on the couch and put her head on my lap, exactly where it belongs. The best way to train a new woman is to demand respect at all times. If she still is “bucking” show her the front door and let the door knob hit her where the dog should have bit her – in the butt.

“If you think you are lonely know, wait until the night time”

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
9:56 am

Now if they were going out steady for several months and that happened i would say yes he is getting taken for a ride being teased

and

I will give you the benefit of the doubt and allow you to “crash” 1 time only at my house especially if we have not been intimate

I’m not understanding. When has NOT giving up the draws been “playing games?” Is it not a woman’s right to abstain, refrain? I’m mean when did it become a “requirement” that a woman hand out the goods and daggonit in a certain amount of time? Dude can go along or get on somewhere, but talking like “oh you get a pass once” is unbelievable. It’s a woman’s body to do want she want…or not! You can stick around or get on somewhere :)

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
9:58 am

And I’ll beg to differ from Diva and whomever else said it….David ain’t being teased, David just ain’t been made to wait or been told no. Big dummy!!

Single and Happy

January 6th, 2014
9:59 am

So what’s wrong with a little flirting. Cause Imma flirt!!

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:00 am

Frankly I don’t believe the woman is being a tease. The woman is probably being a woman, feeling him, digging him BUT NOT READY YET!!! Being a tease would be dropping your pants and saying (literally) I’m ready and snatch it back. But just beause she’s “RESPONDING” TO him and ain’t did it don’t make her a tease.

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:02 am

The best way to train a new woman is to demand respect at all times. If she still is “bucking” show her the front door and let the door knob hit her where the dog should have bit her – in the butt.

“If you think you are lonely know, wait until the night time

Oh lawd, on this note, I’m gone…..hiiiiilarious!!!

Reio

January 6th, 2014
10:05 am

Morning all.

Robert – I’on know bout all that, but , ok. I guess.

These are two naïve individuals. Each seems to make one mistake after the other. Sounds like, given their limited time together(2 dates), she should not have gone to his place. And he was wrong to assume that just because she accepted his invitation to visit him at his home, that she would be ready to pull her dress up as well. This relationship is going nowhere. He appears to be the aggressor, so he should leave her alone and find someone more suited to his taste. Next time, make sure he goes out a bit more with her. And for goodness sake, find out her thoughts on intimacy. What’s wrong with asking? And what’s wrong with the truth?

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:07 am

He appears to be the aggressor, so he should leave her alone and find someone more suited to his taste.

As (he) should be, but just because you don’t get a yes the first time, don’t mean it’s not your job to pursue and it don’t mean she’s not interested. Easy chicks have really skewed the game. Got dudes believe a woman is obligated to smash and when he says so, at that!

Single and Happy

January 6th, 2014
10:07 am

Reio “the truth! the truth! you can’t handle the truth! “ (LOL)

Reio

January 6th, 2014
10:13 am

Celisea – It appears to me that he wants it, and is expecting it. now. Doesn’t appear that she is ready now. Therein lies the problem. She need s a fella that’s truly given to show her the proper respect, and he needs a gal that’s ready, now, to give him what he wants, now. Obviously she’s not the one.

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:18 am

Reio – I don’t understand that mentality. What’s wrong with waiting??? This mindset of folks nowadays is just amazing. Cause a woman won’t drop her drop on a dime means she’s not the one? How do you know, if you’ve not given it time and effort? Amaaazing and unbelievable. I don’t know any man that doesn’t want it, but because you can’t get it on a dime, date one, when you just think it, cause you said so, cause ya needing some, etc etc etc ain’t got nothing to do with her and whether or not y’all are compatible. That’s just you (the man) wanting cause you said so. How about respecting a woman, her body, her wishes, y’alls future relationship by allowing her to grow and get in synch. I wish a dude would demand ass from me, I would take no issue sending him skipping. That said, it don’t though we couldn’t have been a good fit or compatible. It simply means he’s selfish and impatient.

Good things always come to those who wait.

kimmie

January 6th, 2014
10:29 am

Morning All!!

A whole lot wrong with this picture. Button, dude is damn near 30, and imma assume the woman is around the same age. These are not teenagers, they are adults so they don’t get a pass from me. You can’t pick & choose when you want to behave like an adult or be treated like one. You can only play that “I’m young & naive” card but so long, at least with me.

If you ask me, both are sending mixed signals and playing games. She probably doesn’t take dude serious because since October they have barely seen each other. She obviously likes him and wants to keep dude around, but isn’t ready to go there with him. Personally, If I’ve only gone out with a guy 2 times over a 2 month period, I’m not thinking about getting intimate with him. As for the racy texts, I don’t read much into that. That seems to be the thing these days. She’s a product of this generation and many don’t know how to be cool with the flirting. Dude probably calling her a tease because he’s all frustrated at not getting what he wants. He’s going about pursuing her half backwards and expects her to drop her drawers just cause he invited her to the batcave. Dude needs to be a man about it. Talk to her about what it is they are doing and where they both want to go with it. Grow the heck up.

Reio

January 6th, 2014
10:31 am

Celisea – Perhaps you may have misunderstood me. Since I agree with all that you have posted. But, the truth is, there are guys like that out there, and for those fellas, my advice would be to move on. Leave THIS one alone. keep looking. He’ll be disappointed a lot, but at least he won’t be wasting either of their times by hangin around, if all he wants to do is pull her dress up. How wonderful it would be if guys like this would just move on instead of hangin around, sayin all the right things, doing all the right things, getting a whiff or two, then leave, when all he wanted to do is get that whiff in the first place. That’s all I’m sayin.

Robert

January 6th, 2014
10:37 am

@Celisea – Happy New Year!!!…

When I was a young man my Big Sister told me this fact –
” A woman can tell within the first 5 minutes if she wants to be intimate with a man she just met. Men can do all the wining and dining they want and it will not make a difference”. He can be rich or poor. If she wants him she will “submit” to him.

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:41 am

But, the truth is, there are guys like that out there, and for those fellas, my advice would be to move on. Leave THIS one alone. keep looking

Most definitely!! And really my point was, it’s not her, it’s him

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:43 am

A woman can tell within the first 5 minutes if she wants to be intimate with a man she just met.

Annnnd?? Still, ain’t got nothing to do when she’s actually ready.

I’m so done with this issue. It’s a woman’s perogative to do as she pleases with her body. And just know, coochie ain’t for sale, but it ain’t free, so miss me with the wining and dining. Imma telling now (about me), if you ain’t willing to spend, you definitely ain’t getting none. IJS

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:44 am

2CPTG©

January 6th, 2014
10:46 am

If a broad sends me a text, and I’m standing right in front of her, she’s immediately tossed in the “juvenile” category….now, it can be a sexy prelude if she’s gonna follow up on whatever she wrote, but to just text for the sake of it, is silly, and dumb!

Cutie, I got desk drawer full of blow-pops…what’s up?

SlimNu

January 6th, 2014
10:46 am

A woman can tell within the first 5 minutes if she wants to be intimate with a man she just met

I don’t get this comment….I need waaaaaay more time than that.

kimmie

January 6th, 2014
10:49 am

Reio – You are right. Life is alot easier for all involved when you make your intentions clear early on. I’ve known alot of guys that don’t want anything serious and just looking to hit. If they don’t get it after the the first few dates, they get ghost. Not really cool, but at least they are not wasting anyone’s time. If it’s not the woman’s thing to do that with him, she can tell him to get to stepping, she’s not the one.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

January 6th, 2014
10:51 am

I guess the relevant point about them only seeing each other a “couple” of times since October is why he’s been pushed off.

In truth, if he wanted to GTD he’d have been more persistent about spending time with the chick. A “few” “outings” doesn’t mean jack – especially around the holidays.

Though, I’d have to disagree with the sentiment that if we’ve crossed the threshold of seeing each other’s home, that there is no expectation. More respect would have been given to old girls “righteousness” if she hadn’t crossed that boundary not once, but twice.

At a certain point, if you in my house like that we “go together”, if only for one (or more) nights.

Happy New Year everyone!

kimmie

January 6th, 2014
10:51 am

but to just text for the sake of it, is silly, and dumb!

2C – I was thinking this too, but some of these folks out here today are silly like that. It’s not just the younger crowd either.

Button

January 6th, 2014
10:52 am

Kimmie – let’s say the woman is under 27, let’s say 25, she’s the one sending racy texts and flirting with the guy and then to go to his house regardless of what time of day/night. She is immature imo. He’s only human. She’s sending a mating call but he’s supposed to be on his best behavior? no ma’am. I was giving them both a pass bc of their age, I was being light about the situation. You don’t play with fire and not expect to get burned.

Robert

January 6th, 2014
10:54 am

@Celisea – “coochie ain’t for sale, but it ain’t free”

Since wining and dining you will not be enough what will it take? What are you looking for?

1. a man who will text you and talk you to death?
2. a man who will allow you to wear the pants?
3. a man who will be humble?
4. a man who will be dependent upon you? (aka – most men in GA)
5. a man who will accept you as you are?

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:54 am

Well, if I’m at your house and you say “we go together” and “expect” something from me, you’d better respect a no. Otherwise, you’re gon’ catch a case number. But, being the respectable woman I am, no way I’m going to your house early on and no way I’m going to your house and you ain’t really even dated me. Guess that’s what set the good women apart from the chicken heads

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:56 am

Robert – Here’s where you’re wrong, I didn’t say wining and dining wasn’t sufficient. I said don’t start with the old diatribe that he bought a burger. Again, “annnnnd?” So what he bought a meal or two. That ain’t a right of passage to the drawers coming off. How bout we go there, when I’m ready, when I feel you, when you’re “guud?” What’s up with the doing it early cause you know nothing about waiting and patience?

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
10:58 am

David probably got a text that said “hey sexy”….lololol From there or that, let the smashing commence? Getouttahere Well, I think ole girl should resolve to keeping it to such things as “hey, how’s your day”…that kind of stuff. Cause if she trys to warm up a bit, she’s gon get accused of being a flirt.

Reio

January 6th, 2014
10:59 am

Ya know, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 419 times, or, well, I guess it’s 420 times now, but, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 420 times; “What’s wrong with the truth?” You both lay your cards out on the table, early, you both know where each stands, and if you both agree on what you expect, you can go ahead and be yourselves and see how things go. Hell, why lie? Pretend. Only to be disappointed later at what you ‘thought’ you had going.

Bathrobe Billy

January 6th, 2014
11:00 am

This is a prime example of kids pretending to be adults…… If she is not interested in getting physical, she should not have an issue saying that.. If he wants to be intimate, then he should have no problem sitting down with her and saying whats on his mind. I will never understand why women feel like satisfying one their most basic needs is such a taboo….. Based on the info provided, she is no some high school virgin…. either she is ready for to get down like grown folks or she needs to go back to the park and jump rope with the rest of the kiddies…..

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
11:02 am

And one more….for Rob

I’on never wanna wear the pants, but you better come correct….it’s a requirement. And naw, I’m not taking care of a dude and naw, he ain’t gotta text/talk me to death. But, if he ain’t patient, then we need a couple of board games or something. Cause what ain’t gon happen is smashing and I just met him or he’s only taken me on two dates.

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
11:02 am

Nothing wrong with the truth, but don’t spin things and say we ain’t compatible or she’s a tease or she’s a flirt…cause ya didn’t get laid on our second meeting.

2CPTG©

January 6th, 2014
11:05 am

kimmie,….. I’ve been with a chic before, and the vibe had already been established…we’d be out somewhere together, and I’d send a racy text to let her know what the nightcap was gon’ be like, and for both of us, it acted as a form of non-intimate foreplay…..just the lil cheesy grin she makes when she reads the text can get the party started….

Robert

January 6th, 2014
11:07 am

@Celisea – “So what he bought a meal or two. That ain’t a right of passage to the drawers coming off”

lol. If you came over to my house for a home cooked meal I hope by the time we finished with dinner and wine you would show your appreciation by offering yourself for desert by the fireplace. There is something about a roaring fire on a cold Georgia night. It makes the perfect mood and hopefully you will feel like taking mines and your “drawers” off.

kimmie

January 6th, 2014
11:08 am

Button – I agree she is being immature, both are really to me.

I agree about playing with fire too. I’ve never agreed with or liked “teasing” or even flirting too much if I’m not ready to follow thru. But, I recognize that everyone was not brought up old school like me. Maybe she wasn’t taught better. And I don’t really understand the etiquette on texts or social media nowadays. It’s so much mess out there, I wouldn’t put much stock into it.

Their age doesn’t get them a pass from me though.

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
11:09 am

Rob – LOLOLOL…..that one made me laugh….you win my man, you win with that one.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

January 6th, 2014
11:10 am

@Cel

Really? A case number? For what?

I don’t take anything from anyone that isn’t offered (personally), and I have no respect for, nor do I associate with people of that mindset. So for me and my friends, if the words “case number” – shoot even “case” – came out of any of our interactions, we (have) rightfully ceased all contact. Because clearly one person in that interaction is off base, and (again, personally), accusing me of anything remotely “case”-worthy means that I didnn’t communicate effectively enough to her that I’m a man of principal, morals, and convictions. Thus, however brief our encounters were, that message wasn’t received, and at the use of the word “case” indicates, the attempt to communicate did not continue.

That said, I did/do respect a woman’s position and experience that there are dudes out there like that, though, if she didn’t realize that the D wasn’t one, she was allowed to move forward in life and love…..with the hope that she spoke to somebody (professionally) about her trauma.

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
11:11 am

Rob – Just know, if I came to your house, I already know you’re gonna put the moves on me. So having said that, Imma make sure enough time has passed, we’ve done and interacted enough and my level of comfort is at an all time high. Cause if I’m feeling enough to go over your house, knowing you gon put the moves on me, Imma let you in.

Celisea

January 6th, 2014
11:12 am

Dan – I had to laugh at your post….okay.

kimmie

January 6th, 2014
11:13 am

2C – See that’s grown & sexy. No way I’m sending you something like that but have no intentions of going there with you, though.