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Dating: Hard time taking it slow?

One of our readers is actually complaining about a guy who is taking his sweet time with her. He has not made any moves in the two months they have been seeing one another. She doesn’t know what part of the dating game this is. Apparently, her dating experiences have not included taking things slow. Can you relate to this? Do you have a hard time taking things slow?

When you are in a new relationship, it can be easy to get caught up in all the euphoria that a new romance can bring. Believe me, this is the phase you should savor because when things are new, it allows you to build the attraction even more.

Part of her concern is worrying about mixed signals. According to her, if a guy hasn’t tried to get physical with you, he isn’t truly interested in you at all. I happen to disagree, but what do you guys think?

I know a lot of guys who take it really slow in dating. They are cautious and very careful about letting women in their lives without fully vetting them. I get that, I am the same way.

What is wrong with taking it slow?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

105 comments Add your comment

lee

January 3rd, 2014
7:02 am

people need to start learning to enjoy the good things in life

Its friday yaaa
Have a wonderful weekend everyone

YesSheIsCute

January 3rd, 2014
8:44 am

Good morning! Happy New Year! :D

Sounds like she bases her worth on her ability to be sexually objectified. It’s okay many women struggle with this b/c they weren’t taught better growing up. She needs to be glad he’s taking things slow with her. If he didn’t like her he wouldn’t be spending any time with her. I know it seems like mixed signals but she should really appreciate this. Maybe he’s the type of person that allows the woman to take the lead so he doesn’t feel like she’s rushing. A lot of problems could be avoided if the readers maybe communicated with whomever they were dating instead of asking Diva to ask us. But then there wouldn’t be a blog and I wouldn’t be able to communicate with all of you.

SlimNu

January 3rd, 2014
9:08 am

I wish Diva asked more questions to provide more background on this blogger submissions.

Leggs

January 3rd, 2014
9:09 am

“Do you have a hard time taking things slow?” – I would prefer this instead of him wanting to jump to the drawers 1st date.

Dang YSIC, get out of my head. Yes, seems she’s valuing herself on her sexuality and feels less than womanly since he hasn’t made any moves on her. Why can’t a woman look at this as being respectful and wanting to take the time to know you? Dropping your drawers quickly definitely will define you.

Reader: have you guys at least kissed, cuddled, held hands, anything??

Good googly moogly, it’s colder than a witch’s tit. Hmmmm, how do we know a witch’s tit is cold? Bet the guy who coined this phrase was thrown in her boiling cauldron after touching it.

Ok, I’m being silly! Good morning!

Button

January 3rd, 2014
9:29 am

Can you relate to this? I can’t but a gf of mine can. The same exact senerio,well kinda sorta. The guy is dragging his feet to take her on a date. They’ve been talking for 2 months and nothing, no date, no photo exchange, nada! she has already given up on hopes of meeting him in person. They met online.

Do you have a hard time taking things slow? I like taking things slow, the older I get the slower I want things to happen. when I was younger, heck naw, I wanted it like BAM!!!! right now!

According to her, if a guy hasn’t tried to get physical with you, he isn’t truly interested in you at all. I happen to disagree, but what do you guys think? I understand where she’s coming from. if the guy isn’t making any passes her way then he must not find her attractive. and who dosen’t want to be touched when they are with someone they are digging? I know I do. hold my hand, touch my shoulder, brush my neck with his lips, something to say hey you light my fire.
sometimes is dam if you do and dam if you don’t.

Reio

January 3rd, 2014
9:30 am

Morning all!

“…. According to her, if a guy hasn’t tried to get physical with you, he isn’t truly interested in you at all”

What? Say that Again. Huh? And if he does try and get physical with you, that means he IS truly interested?
Look, there are many types of men around. Take me for instance. During most of my dating years, quite a few of my dates/relationships occurred as a result of someone turning me on to her. I had quite a few meetings with women after she was recommended by mutual friends/acquaintances.
So, as a result, I saw them for the first time, on the first date. I didn’t have time to “check her out” before I met her. The physical attraction wasn’t what led me to introduce myself. It was the recommendation of others and the ensuing phone conversation(s) that led to our meetings. Obviously I was not blind; I saw what all other guys saw. Usually, there was a physical attraction, but that was not what peaked my interest. The physical attraction was an added plus.

Bottom line; the advantage I had over other guys was that I, after a brief period on the wild side, had learned that being physical with women was a wonderful feeling, but after the “act”, what is there? Some guys understand this. And aren’t as eager as their peers to undress women and get a whiff. It’s just that simple.

Button

January 3rd, 2014
9:31 am

meant to say – this is one of those dam if you do and dam if you don’t kind of thing.

SlimNu

January 3rd, 2014
9:32 am

have you guys at least kissed, cuddled, held hands, anything??
Exactly Leggs…and how often have they gone out during this time frame? What kind of dates have they had? Are they spending time at each other’s home, spending the night etc… QUESTIONS

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
9:35 am

Morning All!

Good cold Friday morning!

There are a lot of ways to look at this, though I would like a little more info. If dude is affectionate, but just has not tried to jump her bones, it could be she’s just not used to guys behaving that way. It’s also completely understanding. In this day and age, a guy wanting to take his time and be respectful is almost unheard of, so it might make a woman wonder. I’m not quick to say she’s valuing herself on her sexuality. She just may be feeling him that way and is ready to go there quicker than he is. That doesn’t make her any less a respectable woman just because she might be ready before he is. If they have been dating and seeing each other steadily for 2 months, maybe she feels she knows everything she needs to know to make that decision.

If there has been no affection whatsoever, after 2 months, sorry but that’s just a little weird to me. If I’m attracted to you like that and you won’t even hold my hand, I’m taking it you are just not that into me. Which is fine, but I can hang out with a family member or a coworker platonically.

It’s fine to proceed with caution, smart even. But some take it to the extreme. I don’t know about others, but it doesn’t take THAT much to “vet” me. I’m not applying for a job with the Secret Service or the FBI. If I need a security clearance for you to be comfortable taking it to the next level with me, let’s just be friends, okay? :shock:

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
9:37 am

and who dosen’t want to be touched when they are with someone they are digging?

Button – Okay??? Yes, I totally agree, was trying to say this very thing! Come on, dude!!

Button

January 3rd, 2014
9:37 am

hmmm dating a guy for two months and he hasn’t made any passes….hmmmm, she’s ready to get down and he knows it. lol. She’s given him the green light and he’s just bashing in her longing for him. I bet his head is inflated.

Button

January 3rd, 2014
9:43 am

Kimmie – smh, this dude is a dud or he’s stringing her along. Dude is not simple at the least bit. Maybe just maybe he’s not attracted to her. that could very well be the case. Did he tell her he’s practicing celibacy? That sex outside of marriage is against his religion/beliefs? There is very little info to go on other than they’ve been dating for 2 months. I wonder how often they see each other. Let the guy tell it, they are just friends.

Reio

January 3rd, 2014
9:44 am

Not all men are dogs.
Here’s another thing. Some fellas are so respectful of women that they are afraid to “move” on her for fear that she will immediately see him as being “just like all the other dogs out there.” The thought of a woman, any woman, viewing them in this light is so strong that it takes them much longer to actually “move” on her in that way. It’s true. Believe it or not.

I will say this though. If this woman decides that on the next date she is going to lure him to her place, and put the move on HIM instead, she’ll be pleasantly surprised at how quickly he whoops it out and lets her have it. Jus sayin. Hell, she might even be walking funny for 45 minutes or so afterwards (She would if it was me). Fo Sho.

Leggs

January 3rd, 2014
9:45 am

“…spending the night etc.” – Umm, that would definitely make matters worse if they’ve spent the night together and he didn’t try anything. Doesn’t sound like any spending the night has happened just yet (lolol).

Button ~ not necessarily. He also may be completely turned off because she wants to do the do so soon. He may even be contemplating breaking up with her.

Button

January 3rd, 2014
9:46 am

maybe he’s following the 90 days rule.

SlimNu

January 3rd, 2014
9:51 am

That’s why I say we need more details in order to come up with a more realistic debate. I can’t rush to say that buddy isn’t into ole girl after two months if they’ve at least kissed or what not. But we don’t know at this point what has taken place yet.

Reio

January 3rd, 2014
9:53 am

Still another thing.

How many of you women have brothers? Sons” Nephews?…..If you know anything at all, you know that in many instances, these young male relatives of yours were taught to not only respect women, but, respect themselves as well.

Well guess what? Many of these young fellas grow up and forget all of those teachings. The dirty dogs. But, thankfully, some of these young relatives of yours actually remember those teachings and are strong enough to resist the temptation to try and jump women’s bones early in a relationship.

This guy just may be one of’em. It could be as simple as that.

Two months is a while though. The average fella(including me) would have had this heffa’s dress up a while back.

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
9:56 am

He also may be completely turned off because she wants to do the do so soon. He may even be contemplating breaking up with her.

Leggs – Sorry, but that sounds weak as all get out!! Either you gonna do tha dang thang or you’re not! Sure, if she was offering the panties after the first date. But 2 months?? I’m feeling like Button here – I bet he’s stringing her along. If he told her he’s celibate/religious this would not be a topic of discussion today.

Reio – A dude like you describe, afraid of his own shadow, is weird and a turnoff to me! Can’t speak for other woman, but there is nothing sexier than a confident man. One that has the balance just right- respectful but knows how to let you know he’s feeling me like that without being creepy.

These dudes that talk on the phone with you for 6 months and don’t try to set up a date or those that move slower than molassas – sorry just give me someone normal!!

Button

January 3rd, 2014
9:57 am

Leggs – that could be it too. too may could be, maybe for this situation. Not enough info.

Button

January 3rd, 2014
10:01 am

Leggs – even is he was trying to break things off with her, turmed off by her why drag the situation? why not just dip? Is she instigating the outings and he’s a yes man well except for getting physical. lol

Leggs

January 3rd, 2014
10:06 am

kimmie ~ that’s part of stringing her along. He may have no intention of ever sleeping with her but he’s receiving some type of perk. He could simply like her but if she’s talking to him about his frigidness it could be turning him off. Hell, I need to meet him and she needs to meet the ones I’ve thrown back.

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
10:17 am

He could simply like her but if she’s talking to him about his frigidness it could be turning him off.

Leggs – That doesn’t make sense either. She’s writing Diva & the blog for advice. If she was talking to him about it, she’d already know why he hasn’t made a move.

Reio

January 3rd, 2014
10:17 am

There is something else I see going on here. Just based on the limited information given.

Over the years I’ve heard it said that women crave attention. They want to feel wanted. Desired. They want men to be attracted to them. This seems to explain why so many women will go out with men who, on their initial meeting, compliments her on her looks.

This particular gal equates how eager a man is to pull her dress up, with how attractive she is. Sad. A guy that doesn’t try and bend her over the coffee table within a specified timeframe (which she chooses), is lame? What a joke. What a sad joke indeed.

Single & Happy

January 3rd, 2014
10:17 am

Hello all,

A simple answer, just ask him!

SlimNu

January 3rd, 2014
10:27 am

Single – How would she pose such a question? Um, sweet nips, I know we’ve been seeing each other for about 2months. And well, things are good but i’m curious….why haven’t you tried to fugg me? I mean, am I not attractive enough? Do I not make you rise up like the Falcons? Are you…maybe….ghey?

Leggs

January 3rd, 2014
10:33 am

kimmie ~ I was hoping she had spoken to him. After being together for two months, I think it only natural to talk on something you’re uncomfortable with. I’d imagine she had said something about them not bumping and grinding and what his issue might be. But, since we don’t ever get enough details, we’ll never know.

Reio

January 3rd, 2014
10:34 am

Single – You stole my next post.

I was going to say that if she was really feeling this fella in this way she could say this: “Ahh, Joe, how long have we been seeing each other?”, ” Oh, I guess it’s been a couple months.”, “Yes two months. And I was wondering…can I ask you a question?”, ” Yeah, sure.”, “Well, so far you haven’t approached me to become physical with you, why is that?”

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
10:34 am

Reio – I’m on team reader lady. Unless I get more information, I’m not throwing her under the bus and chalking her situation up to low self-esteem. Folks seem too eager to do that with women.

A lot of people still don’t feel comfortable with a woman being confident about her own sexual needs, even other women. I’m more progressive-minded than that. Everyone is fine with a woman that decides she wants to take things slow, but she also has the right to want things to go at a faster pace if she desires too. And not be put down because of it. She knows what she wants.

This sounds like the behavior of youngsters. A real man will let her know what his intentions are. He will tell her he’s really into her and wants them to really get to know each other on a different level before they go there. She would not have to question his feelings for her because he would make it known. If he has religious or spiritual reasons for holding off, he would be mature about it and talk to her about that. He might even want to see if she wanted to go on that spiritual journey with him. It would make them that much closer as a couple. Let her decide if that is something she would be interested in.

They need to talk.

Leggs

January 3rd, 2014
10:43 am

And that’s the bottom line, kimmie. They need to talk.

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
10:50 am

Over the years I’ve heard it said that women crave attention. They want to feel wanted. Desired.

Reio – Don’t men want the same thing? Attention from the person they are interested in?

Single & Happy

January 3rd, 2014
10:54 am

Slim that’s too many words. Just ask, how do you feel about? Where is this going? or if it’s sex she needs, seduce him!

SlimNu

January 3rd, 2014
10:55 am

kimmie – Exactly…who DoEsn’t want to feel desired by their significant other.

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
10:57 am

Single – You are right, it doesn’t have to be long and drawn out and complicated.

I personally, would just want to know what’s going on. Somebody needs to speak up.

YesSheIsCute

January 3rd, 2014
10:58 am

It’s possible he is sexually immature or not affectionate in the least. Again as I stated if most of Wise Diva’s readers spoke to the horse’s mouth instead of asking US they’d get their answer. But then again I love interacting with you guys so much. I missed the blog over the break :cry:

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
10:58 am

Slim – That statement from Reio just rubbed me the wrong way. Like most women are 2 year olds and need to be the center of attention!

YesSheIsCute

January 3rd, 2014
11:00 am

I will be honest if he was at least being affectionate I would be riding this out (no sex) for as long as I can. She should be enjoying this really.

Single & Happy

January 3rd, 2014
11:10 am

I’m slow when it comes to someone I’m into. I’ve had them just ask, and even seduce me, it’s not that complicated.

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
11:12 am

Yes – Imma need to know I’m dealing with a normal, red-blooded man so dude better speak up(respectfully). I don’t want to be wasting my time with a weirdo.

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
11:31 am

Dang guys, is it one of those days? Where is everyone?

Leggs

January 3rd, 2014
11:36 am

Friday after the holidays and many taking RDO, it’s a ghost town here.

Celisea

January 3rd, 2014
11:36 am

Where is Dushawn and MMeello?

Single & Happy

January 3rd, 2014
11:40 am

Kimmie what’s a weirdo?

2CPTG©

January 3rd, 2014
11:52 am

there’s a reason ‘ol boy ain’t rushing to smash……is she a ho? bad rep? stank cootie? bad breath? too many unanswered questions.

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
11:52 am

Single – The definition varies from person to person. What’s weird to me may be normal to you.

Fear of ending up with what I call a weirdo is why I could never have been one that waited until marriage to know what a man is working with in the bedroom. Sexually immature, like Yes mentioned, a member with eyeballs on it, some strange odor, you name it. I need to know we are compatible in that area. If we are vibing in every way, I want nature to take it’s course. Otherwise I need to know what’s going on.

2CPTG©

January 3rd, 2014
11:53 am

shiiiid, hit me up, I’m going thru a drought!

tnymcky2000@yahoo.com

kimmie

January 3rd, 2014
11:55 am

2C – Yeah, she might not want to rush it with dude. He might be a ho with a bad rep, or stank down there too!

Leggs

January 3rd, 2014
11:57 am

Anybody here watch Mob Wives? One of the characters, Renee, is having an emotional breakdown because another cast member, Natalie, told her date he smelled “delicious.” This comment turned Renee into a green-eyed monster. Doesn’t help she’s quick to anger but Renee went off IN FRONT of her date. She acted like an immature 13 year old. What I find amazing is Renee keeps harping on her date being called “delicious” when in actuality, she should be upset at herself for running him off after their 2nd date by going ballistic in public. What man wants a woman that will react like that in public.

Sassy Me

January 3rd, 2014
12:02 pm

True…Renee could’ve/should’ve handled herself MUCH BETTER than she did. Nat was a tad out of line for saying that, but Renee went off the deep end for sure. That being said…dude was kinda cute though :mrgreen:

Leggs

January 3rd, 2014
12:11 pm

Dude was cute! Good thing Nat didn’t say “you LOOK delicious!” A new war would have broken out. It’s a darn shame Renee let that stupid incident put her back to popping Zanax and drinking. Deep down she knows the issue isn’t necessarily Nat. It’s her own fault she’ll never be with what she calls “a normal” man. Not many can handle spitfire.

YesSheIsCute

January 3rd, 2014
12:58 pm

@2C you’re experiencing a drought? ok.