accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Get under another rule

You know that saying, “The only way to give over someone is to get under another someone” has always bothered me. Well, until I found myself faced with wanting to check out of heartbreak hotel. In retrospect, I am not fully convinced that this is a suitable strategy.

Is using sex as a distraction from your ex ever a good idea? Do you tell the person that you are using them as a virtual palate cleanser?

I remember hearing a guy tell his friends that he stopped using that get under another rule when he ended up in a rebound relationship that he never really wanted. He felt guilt over using her so he stuck around too long and she started to catch feelings for him. All the while, he hadn’t completely got over the previous girlfriend. What a mess! Has this ever happened to you?

Happy New Year!!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

189 comments Add your comment

lee

January 2nd, 2014
6:56 am

Happy New Year!!! May everyone have wealth, health, love, and happiness.. in this new year.

People need to do what is right for them, nothing wrong with a little sex everyone needs some kind of loving touch but when you have truly loved someone the only thing that is going to work is time. Start doing things you love to do and do a lot of it, as time goes by you will think less of that person and move on to a healthy state of mind and ready for that next adventure into love…
Have a wonderful day

SlimNu

January 2nd, 2014
8:29 am

Happy New Year folks!

As far as using sex as a distraction from heartbreak, I’d say that would be a bad idea. It only adds to the confusion on things, as least as far as i’m concerned anyway.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
8:40 am

good morning. I can already see I’m going to be on the other side of this discussion. can sex be a distraction? it sure can if it’s really really good. thing is there’s no guarantee it will be really really good. it might just be a waste of your time, energy and new underwear.

Single and Happy

January 2nd, 2014
8:45 am

Hello everyone

Now even though I’ve heard this, never done it myself.

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
9:00 am

Morning all! Blogging from home today. It’s nasty out there!

I did this once many years ago. Didn’t work, only made me sadder. Partly because, as Disco said, no guarantee the new new is gonna be good & it wasn’t! Which made me sad cause my ex at the time was better & made me miss him. Second, I just was never cut out for such. Like Lee said, I do better just chilling over time till I’m over the ex.

YesSheIsCute

January 2nd, 2014
9:01 am

Happy New Year everyone! I missed you all. I wish everyone a prosperous and successful 2014! :D

I have tried dating (going out there and meeting new people) to get my mind off of heartbreak. Didn’t work. I wouldn’t know about “getting under a new person”. I know of guys that use/have used this tactic. I really don’t see how it works. They just appear like they don’t care but at some point they are going to have to sit down and deal with their feelings (the feelings they pretend they don’t have).

Single and Happy

January 2nd, 2014
9:15 am

I guess when you look at sex and just sex. It would be hard to use it to get over someone.

Celisea

January 2nd, 2014
9:20 am

I’m working from home today!! :)

Honestly, this mentality is just sooo immature. Who does this but the young, “can’t get over him/her”, and the lonely? Grown folks don’t dabble in such….not grown folks. We already know such shenanigans just gone make matters worse.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
9:24 am

single – I think for the theory to work it depends on the mindset / personality of the person involved. for instance, I have one friend who is in love with every single guy she sleeps with. not saying that she falls in love and then sleeps with them just saying that she seems to be in love with each guy she’s with. guess this method would definitely work for her.

speaking of my friends. I mentioned the chick doing online dating who met a guy who claimed to be a navy seal. same chick was supposed to be going out on a first date with a doctor. I was immediately suspect and asked if she verified that he was a doctor. of course not. I haven’t heard about the date yet. smdh.

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
9:31 am

Morning all! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

My biggest problem with doing this, way back when, was, I don’t remember getting so involved with someone that I felt the need to get “under/over” someone to help me get past a failed relationship.

Not only that, but, what about her? She(the new one) has feelings too. To her, you just might be exactly what she is looking for. Not knowing that all you are doing is using her. Pulling her dress up to get a whiff or two, and then leave. Could never do that. I’d feel guilty. Much too guilty to even contemplate doing so.

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
9:35 am

Disco – wonder if it’s the same supposed Navy Seal I met out at a club about 10 years ago? The more I talked to him the more I realized he was a con artist! Lol!

Cel – it is a little tired and kinda sad, isn’t it? Must be why the only time with me was in college!

disco

January 2nd, 2014
9:38 am

kimmie – child who knows but I can’t wait to hear about “the doctor”. shoot, she’ll be lucky if dude actually works in a doctor’s office. I can just imagine some line like “a doctor? you thought I was a doctor? no what I had said was that I’m adopted”. lol.

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
9:43 am

Celisea

January 2nd, 2014
9:45 am

Kimmie – Definitely. Chile, things don’t work out, just move on. Don’t be some “should know better”, way too grown person out there committing shenanigans…lol Just sad, if you gotta get under another to get over. Shoot, I’m hoping Diva’s “retrospecting” is going back to her college years.

But, I get it….it’s today’s topic.

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
9:47 am

ummm Diva, that had to have been the worst piece of writing I’ve ever seen from you….that post was all over the place…..

other than that, hunh, what was your question again?

Miss Moni

January 2nd, 2014
9:54 am

HAPPY NEW YEAR MIA!!! :-D

Is using sex as a distraction from your ex ever a good idea? No it certainly is not! Sex wasn’t designed to be a “distraction” but a beautiful and pleasurable act designed to be shared between husband and wife. It saves heartache and time when you just wait for the right person versus randomly having sex just because.

That really is my Name!!!!

January 2nd, 2014
10:04 am

Ok… I read you guys often but almost never comment… But in this case, Here I go. Using sex as a distraction really does work as long as you are mindful of what you are doing and who you are doing it with. As a single man in Atlanta, I am keenly aware that not every woman is looking for a relationship and as long as I choose to “work” that circle, a little ( or a lot) of physical distraction is just what this Dr. ordered……

Button

January 2nd, 2014
10:05 am

Never happened to me, but it is what it is. People do a lot of things to get over an ex and if getting under someone helps ease the pain then who am I to say they are wrong for doing it. Some ppl hit the bottle a little to heavy to get over an ex. Some resort to sulking. Some have even hurt themselves. I think the best distraction for getting over an ex is to excercise or get into other activities that will get you too tired to even think about the ex. I know this one guy said he hummed everytime he thought about his ex. I LOL because dude hummed darn near all day!

Good mornning!

Celisea

January 2nd, 2014
10:05 am

Off topic:

I can tell I’m getting older….I was in Lowe’s about 4 hours shopping yesterday AAAANNNNDDD enjoyed every bit of time spent in there. Got to chatting with the chick that helped me and her hubs work in my building. Use to be a skirt chaser (didn’t tell her that though), not so sure about now. We’ve been there the same amount of years and he’s gotten older. I do know though, that he flirts like crazy with the brash coworker (’member her). I called and said guess who’s wife I met today??? D’oh!

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
10:08 am

Miss Moni – Sometimes you just want to get back at folks. Doesn’t make it right, but, especially when you’re young, doing something like this can be viewed as just what the doctor ordered.

I will say this though. There were a couple of instances where I gave someone the boot because of a lie or two they told. I wanted to inflict pain on’em. And to be honest with you all, in both instances, the one way that I knew that I, well, maybe not KNEW, but maybe, suspected, that I could inflict the most pain, was by pulling up their sisters(yes, sisters) dresses and getting a whiff or two. That would have really hit each one of them stankin heffas right between the eyes.

Thought about it really seriously in one instance. Came damn close in another. But I thought better of it, in each case, in the end. Hurting their sisters like that was much to problematic for me. The sisters were much nicer (seemingly) than they themselves were. I was very angry. And quite young and foolish. I regret even having thought about doing that to this day. Never told anybody, except you guys this morning. Kinda funny too, I found out about one of the lies from one of the sisters.

Hell, the sisters may even have knocked me in the head for even “going there” with them. I don’t know. We were all young. Although, at the time, I strongly suspected that I may have been able to “con” them into doing something. Now that I think about it, even if the sisters slapped my face, and then went back and told their sister(the one I dumped) about what I tried to do, THAT, would have been hurtful enough to them, to cause them to regret having told those lies. But that was a long time ago. Live and learn.

That really is my Name!!!!

January 2nd, 2014
10:12 am

My 10:04 should have read ” That every woman in Atlanta is NOT looking for a relationship”… OK.. back to just reading……

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
10:14 am

“The only way to give over someone is to get under another someone” has always bothered me. – Me too. Never, ever believed in that thought process

Is using sex as a distraction from your ex ever a good idea? – I don’t think so. All you’re doing is putting a Band-Aid w/o any medication over the wound. Do you really expect to heal? When you’re finished, you loins feel good but your heart is still in pain.

Do you tell the person that you are using them as a virtual palate cleanser? – Hell no! Honesty is good, but I see no need to share that. Get under these covers with me and let’s go HAM!

Good, good morning!

Miss Moni

January 2nd, 2014
10:17 am

-Reio I understand your point. I’ve learned though that getting back at folks can take way too much time and energy that I can use more effectively to focus on another area to help improve my own life.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
10:20 am

hey leggs – actually I don’t think the average guy cares if you tell the truth about “using” them or not. shoot, some might even prefer it that way. lol.

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
10:24 am

Like Leggs said, in so many words, the actual act itself tends to be fairly brief, hopefully fulfilling and gratifying, but brief nonetheless. So, now what? I did it. Wasn’t bad. Pretty good actually. Looking forward to the next time. But, damn, I’m still not over the other one. I just ain’t. Hell.

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
10:28 am

disco – You’re right most guys don’t mind being used like that. Telling them that you are/wanting to use them in that way, would be just fine with them. No problem. Just say when. I’ll be there every time. Probably get a speeding ticket on the way there. Hell. Use me, baby. use me UP!!

SlimNu

January 2nd, 2014
10:29 am

Trying to get over someone sucks…you just never know how long of a process it can actually be. One day you’re good, not even thinking about it, then the next something reminds you of a good time and you’re feeling some kind of way again. *sigh*

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
10:37 am

“…you thought I was a doctor? no what I had said was that I’m adopted”. – For some reason, I’m reading this hearing the person talk as if they had a lisp…First laugh of the morning.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
10:42 am

obliviously that concept has worked for some, been hearing that saying for eons.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
10:45 am

getting under someone to get over someone = having to go take dna to prove who’s the baby father and having kids with someone you don’t even love….plenty of one night stands….stds

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
10:50 am

ladies, when do y’all know, that you’re over a dude? seems to take y’all forever to get over someone….

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
10:56 am

disco ~ while typing my post I thought the same. A guy probably wouldn’t mind knowing that cuz he could care less. What’s pressing at hand is clamping down on the new new!

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
11:03 am

R.I.P James Avery (Uncle Phil) and Juanita Moore (Mama on Imitation of Life)!

I know I’m over you when you no longer invade my every thought and dreams at night!

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
11:04 am

Didn’t mean to hit submit….actually If I broke up with you, I’m over you as soon as you’ve vacated my space because you’ve already been dismissed in my mind and heart.

If you break up with me, only time can tell.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
11:06 am

2C – are you inviting a top ten list? you know you are over him when:

1. you stop fantasizing about running him over with your car
2. you stop hoping the next chick makes him pee razor blades
3. you stop wanting to roll your eyes when folks ask what happened to y’all
4. you stop cursing his momma for having him in the first place
5. you stop associating everything with him (we did this, that or he had a car like that)
6. you stop comparing potential new guys to him
7. when hearing his name doesn’t irritate you anymore
8. you stop hoping he calls to get back with you
9. you stop strategically trying to put yourself in his path to prompt #8
10. you simply no longer give a damn

Button

January 2nd, 2014
11:09 am

I know I’m over you when I no longer desire you. I gave myself a grace period to sulk and go thru the motions, 1 week for every year we’ve been together after that then I’m good.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
11:16 am

“1 week for every year we’ve been together after that then I’m good.” – Interesting.

So, if you’ve been together for 3 years, you grieve for 3 weeks and then BOOM, emotions are back in check?

disco ~ your top ten says it all…

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
11:21 am

Great list disco!

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
11:28 am

interesting…..

Button

January 2nd, 2014
11:29 am

Leggs – yep, it’s all about mind control. I only had to do it a couple to times and it did work for me. I get it all out of my system in the beginning and when time is up (I marked my calendar) I snap out of it and I’m good.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
11:32 am

it’s like a placebo. you believe that by taking meds it will make you feel better in such and such of time and boom you feel better in such and such of time.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
11:52 am

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
11:53 am

disco…..new year, and I still haven’t got none yet….da hell is this world coming to?????

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
11:53 am

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
11:54 am

also, for the NY superstitious folks, with today being the 2nd, I still haven’t had a visitor to my house yet…..does the first guest still have to be a dude?

disco

January 2nd, 2014
11:56 am

2C – dang you must be falling off your game. I’m sure that NYE was chock full of drunk, lonely women that were ripe for the picking.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
11:57 am

In your case, 2C, the 1st person should be a woman.

YesSheIsCute

January 2nd, 2014
11:58 am

@SlimNu it happens. I remember when I first broke up and moved out from my ex last year. I was in the car belting out and blasting “Single Again” by Trina with the windows rolled down and my belongings in the car riding to my new place. The next day “I’d Rather Be With You” by Bootsy Collins (one of his favorite songs) came on and I was crying like a baby. It happens….

YesSheIsCute

January 2nd, 2014
11:59 am

@2C I forgot about that. I need to have someone come over to my house. But I don’t know any guys! lol

disco

January 2nd, 2014
12:00 pm

yes – that’s funny because when I hear that song I only think of snoop in baby boy.

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
12:03 pm

dang you must be falling off your game.

least I ain’t shufflin!!!!!!

disco

January 2nd, 2014
12:04 pm

2C – I hope you aren’t shuffling. a new shuffle (that you haven’t noticed or acknowledged yet) could be part of why you have fallen off your game. ijs. lol.

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
12:05 pm

in an ode to Slim…..I done already had to tell some mufvckas NO, that wanted favors…..felt pretty damn good too!

disco

January 2nd, 2014
12:08 pm

2C – who you tell no? what did they want?

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
12:08 pm

actually disco, it’s not that I’ve fallen off my game, it’s that I’ve Upped my game!

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
12:11 pm

who you tell no? what did they want?

the usual….thirsty, no future havin ass folks, wanting to borrow money…

Durty Burd

January 2nd, 2014
12:15 pm

Good Afternoon Folks! :smile:

WD look like she was about to admit to getting some strange on New Years, then she stopped and went to the sex subject.

This does happen for those who have not reached a level of maturity and common sense regarding how to handle/conduct themselves after a break-up.

Men do it all the time, mostly to keep getting it on the regular, heck I have been that dude, I was done with my relationship but I loves me some sex so I ventured over to the next one who had been showing interested….

Women do this as well, they just don’t know where to place their emotions, everyone is going to have a moment where something reminds of the ex, just don’t over analyze it, it just a moment of remembrance. Don’t give it power, have something in place to get you onto the next task, because it is over time to turn the page.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
12:15 pm

2C – certainly not the detail I was expecting. the last person to ask me for money was a friend who wanted to borrow $50 to keep her lights on (or so she says). thinking back I’m surprised no one asked to borrow money to get their holiday layaways out. lol.

YesSheIsCute

January 2nd, 2014
12:19 pm

What’s “shuffling”?

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
12:19 pm

disco, the funny one was, a “friend” wanted to use my truck to move from one, one bedroom apt, to another….I was like man, you better put that sh!t in the backseat of your car!

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
12:22 pm

YSIC ~ “shuffling” is the “old man’s walk.”

disco

January 2nd, 2014
12:22 pm

yes – shuffling is when dudes start aging and lose that pep in their step. their walk loses its swagger and they start to shuffle along.

2CPTG©

January 2nd, 2014
12:22 pm

Cutie….it’s what the dudes at the VFW be doing….

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
12:23 pm

2C ~ didn’t your friend have a bed, a couch?? :lol: :lol:

disco

January 2nd, 2014
12:24 pm

yes – the science isn’t exact but it appears to me that shuffling tends to kick in around the mid 50s. sometimes sooner, sometimes later. lol.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
12:24 pm

leggs – that’s what they sell bungee cord for. better strap it to the roof of the car and drive slow. ijs.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
12:25 pm

YSIC ~ what’s funny is watching one “shuffle” and they don’t think they’re shuffling! I was on a date a few months back and noticed his “shuffle” while he tried his best to maintain a cool walk. It wasn’t happening.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
12:29 pm

2C – see leggs’ post. you might want to ask a trusted friend to evaluate your stride and let you know where you stand. lol.

SlimNu

January 2nd, 2014
12:33 pm

Yes – That’s exactly how it goes :lol:

SlimNu

January 2nd, 2014
12:39 pm

2C – Dang folks on ya already? They don’t believe in giving folks a break do they :lol:

Durty Burd

January 2nd, 2014
12:40 pm

YSIC…Send me your address and I will stop by! :wink:
I must not be shuffling yet, the young ladies keep smiling at me! hehehehehe!
Or maybe they think I have some money! Dang-it

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
12:47 pm

2C – it’s been my observation that men don’t necessarily get over stuff quicker than women. Just because u run out and “get up under” someone else doesn’t mean u r over an ex. I’ve seen some seem to never get over certain ones even though they move on & may even marry someone else. What u might see as taking some women a long time is simply her dealing with it head on, for however long she needs & then once she’s done she’s done. My opinion & experience of course.

When do i know I’m done? When I’m completely indifferent about u. I don’t wish u harm, I just don’t wish anything. Your sight, your number on caller ID does nothing for me.

How long it takes for one to get over folks usually correlates to how much that person meant to them & the place they had in their heart.

Durty Burd

January 2nd, 2014
12:55 pm

Mrs. Kimmie…Women do take a the longest time getting over an ex. Men are able to move on because we replace her with another one. Men usually have perceived ownership issues, thinking that she belongs to me, that is simply a misguided thought process. Men reflect on the pass, women are emotional about the past and they have issues sticking to a plan, thus the reason sorrow dude is able to keep coming back into their lives….

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
1:11 pm

Durty – I said men don’t necessarily get over an ex quicker, especially just because they rush out to replace. The operative word in my post was “necessarily”.

“Some” women have a problem sticking to the plan. “Some” men also have a problem when they come across a woman that DOES stick to the plan & will move on, replacing his sorry azz & rejecting his attempts to come back! :)

YesSheIsCute

January 2nd, 2014
1:13 pm

Thanks Guys! Learned something new…again.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
1:16 pm

Durty – you font as if all of that is true. People handle break ups differntly. some actually believe that getting under some one is a way of getting over the ex and it works for them, while others linger on and on mualing over the ex. Not all women are emotional some are straight up gangsta. I’ve been invited to a divorce party by the ex wife. I didn’t go, something about it just didn’t sit well with me about it.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
1:16 pm

“Men are able to move on because we replace her with another one.”

I agree with kimmie, just because you’ve “replaced” her doesn’t mean you’re over her! Durty, I must be different because when I’m done with you, I’m done…none coming back swapping spit or any other body fluids w/me!

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
1:22 pm

Button – so true, folks handle break ups differently & in their own way.

My experience discovering I was the rebound woman, even after much time had passed, blew that “men get over quicker” theory out the water for me a long time ago.

Plus I think if u r truly over someone, when u start a relationship with someone new, the new person is not a “replacement” or seat holder for the ex.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
1:26 pm

Plus I think if u r truly over someone, when u start a relationship with someone new, the new person is not a “replacement” or seat holder for the ex.

AMEN!

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
1:28 pm

Leggs – I’m a “when I’m done I’m done” woman too. But even if y’all double back & bump uglies, doesn’t mean it’s not over & you r still in love & getting back together. Don’t get it twisted dudes, she just might have wanted to get broke off just like u. Like Button said, not all women r emotional.

Durty Burd

January 2nd, 2014
1:29 pm

Kimmiye and Leggs (gangsta)…My reasoning is men take a while to really believe that person is the one. I am not dismissing the notion that men are not affected by the break-up, but it is usually for different reasons.

Button…True that all women are not waiting around for dude to come around, but is women who is most likely to give dude another opportunity to get them panties. I bet each and everyone you can testify to that happening even though you knew the relationship was still going to end…

Button

January 2nd, 2014
1:30 pm

there’s always going to be something that reminds you of an ex, specially if there are kids involved and the kid looks just like the ex!

Button

January 2nd, 2014
1:35 pm

Durty – well if she is giving it up then he must be asking right! yesh it happens all the time. Dudes that keep coming back isn’t necessarily over the lady either.

YesSheIsCute

January 2nd, 2014
1:37 pm

Completely off topic, but I took my daughter to the mall to get some Jays. Now she so hyped all she keeps singing is that “23″ song everytime she puts the shoes on. She’s always like “Jays on my feet, Jays on my feet.” SMH but I’m glad to see her happy. She made out like a fat rat. She got a pair in a 4.5 in kids for $70 bucks.

SlimNu

January 2nd, 2014
1:40 pm

What did ya’ll do to bring in the NY? I went to church first, then got wasted later…spent yesterday hungover in bed. :oops:

YesSheIsCute

January 2nd, 2014
1:42 pm

@Kimmie I go through that sometimes when the nights are dark and cold (not necessarily wanting to get back just get some). I ultimately don’t call him because I already know how that story is going to end (it’s only a 50 percent chance of light rain :lol: ) so I will just continue hold out for a better experience.

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
1:42 pm

Dirty – men & women r different, so naturally they r affected by relationships differently. I think what is unnatural is for either gender to expect the other to think and react to things in the same way.

Durty Burd

January 2nd, 2014
1:42 pm

A lot of women try to be gangsta,but like Button stated if they have something that reminds them of dude then her emotions keep in and she starts reminiscing about those good times. Most times for dude its about I want to bust one and can I get a good cooked meal. lol hehehehehe!

You ladies have always stated women are more emotional that is why they don’t need to have sex early in the dating process. Now that the relationship has taken place those emotions are at a fever pitch….Bammmmm!!

O/T. Colorado just opened their first marijuana stores for retail purchases….It going to on and poppin now! SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY! Weed is good for the soul….hehehehehehe!

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
1:43 pm

I bet each and everyone you can testify to that happening even though you knew the relationship was still going to end…

Yes sir, I can testify, sworn oath that when I knew it was ending, no bump and grind. I don’t “need one for road” so to speak.

YSIC ~ I must be old because I never heard of Jays and was thankful you said they were for her feet (lolol). Do they go by any other name?

Celisea

January 2nd, 2014
1:45 pm

there’s always going to be something that reminds you of an ex, specially if there are kids involved and the kid looks just like the ex!

Only while you’re still hung up on them. Moving on means moving…in every way. My kid looks like and have her dad’s mannerisms, etc, but I don’t have one thought of him through her. Not anymore, I just don’t.

It’s just not like some are saying. I think much of what’s been said has to do with youth, mindset, mind games, etc. I think though once you reaaally grow up, all that animosity, being hung-up, letting folks hit just cause, all goes out of the window. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t get hung up on folks. Chile when it’s time to move on, move on.

Durty Burd

January 2nd, 2014
1:47 pm

Mrs. Kimmie…That is spelled DURTY! lol… I agree with that statement regarding thinking and reacting the same way!

Ummm YSIC….What did you learn today?

Slimnu…Make this the last time you drink without me! lol

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
1:48 pm

“Colorado just opened their first marijuana stores for retail purchases” – I saw the news coverage and I was cracking up at the long lines. Soon, people walking around with squinty eyes in a daze is going to be commonplace.

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
1:51 pm

Yes – Lol!! I’ve been there!!

I knew a guy who was so full of himself. He had the idea that once a woman had him she was incapable of getting over him. He told me he knew his baby mama would come back to him if he just said the word. Never mind she had moved on and married a FIONE naval officer & seemed quite happy & in love. He said she would divorce dude if he asked. Never mind he was a commitment phoebe who said he would never marry. He told me another one of his exes, whom he had dated years before, was only getting married because she wasn’t over him! I would just shake my head & laugh at him. :lol:

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
1:53 pm

Enter your comments here

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
1:54 pm

Oops, sorry Durt!!! Lol

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
1:58 pm

It’s nothing wrong with emotions in their proper place. Where the problems come in is when u allow emotions to take over, make decisions based solely on emotions, and expect other folks to excuse your out of control emotions!

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
2:00 pm

Now, she’s just calling you DURT! Funny…

Button

January 2nd, 2014
2:00 pm

Durty – if they have something that reminds them of dude then her emotions keep in and she starts reminiscing about those good times.<——I did not say all of that! lol

Button

January 2nd, 2014
2:02 pm

to me breaking up is letting go of a lifestyle, a habit that you formed with another. Some habits are hard to break. I don’t know which is worst, a sudden break up or one that was in the works for a while.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
2:04 pm

not all reminders of an e have to be bad reminders. Surely there are some good ones to remember.

Durty Burd

January 2nd, 2014
2:06 pm

Leggs…Mrs. Kimmie….Is just plain ole dogging me, I need to go smoke a blunt right now! :)

Button…Your 2:02 is right on point! So the ex who is nosey and still calls what category does he fall in? Is he sniffing to see if he can reconnect?

Good point Kimmye…Don’t let your emotions control you! hehehehe!

Durty Burd

January 2nd, 2014
2:08 pm

Mrs. Kimmye…What attracted you to the vain dude?

Button are you getting married this year?

Leggs what are we playing in the new year?

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
2:13 pm

Durty – Mr Vain was a set- up, a coworker of one of my best friends. Of course she had only seen the work side of dude. He was a decent enough person, I just never could take him serious.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
2:17 pm

durty – I guess I’m that gangsta chick because as far as I’m concerned sex and emotions don’t have to have anything to do with one another. emotions are personal. I can always, always, tend to my own emotions. now, I suppose I can tend to the other thing on my own as well but it just ain’t the same. lol.

SlimNu

January 2nd, 2014
2:20 pm

Durty – I’m glad I don’t have the smoking bug…just don’t have a desire for it at all. But I saw the pics of folks in line and was like WOW, is it that serious? lol

disco

January 2nd, 2014
2:21 pm

I recall a conversation with a guy once where he was trying to get me to say that I loved him and the most I would do was say that I had love “for him”. he sure as heck wasn’t feeling that. I believe there is definitely something to the theory that men attempt to control or get the upper hand on women by way of emotions. men talk about and put down emotional women but they understand that. give a man a woman whose emotions aren’t typical and he doesn’t know what to do.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
2:23 pm

slim – I don’t even smoke but I think if I were somewhere where it was legal I’d stand in line to get some too.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
2:24 pm

Durty ~ I’m starting off with 371.

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
2:25 pm

Disco – yes, give a man a woman who doesn’t react in a predictable way and he is all discombobulated!! Lol!!

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
2:28 pm

I’m not standing in line to buy weed! Heck, I barely stand in line for much of anything these days.

Speaking of line, my daughter went last week and she said there were three lines ($20, $40 and $60). The $20 line was wrapped around the building, the $40 line was long too, but the $60 line was an immediate get in and no one was in line (lololol).

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
2:28 pm

BTW, her and her crew didn’t stand in any line. They left.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
2:29 pm

Durty – the ex that still calls fall in the category of still wanting to get in where he/sh can fit in. I bumped into my ex the other day. The last darn thing I wanted my eyeballs to see. anyway he’s been calling every day ever since. Left me this sorry ass vm saying he wanted to know if we can have a drink or go for something to eat. now this fool know darn well I don’t want anything to do with him but he keep trying to get back in. That is one dude I wish would just fall off the end of the earth!

Yes, we set a date for 8-23-101, it’s going to be very small and initmate Now we have to find a garden to hold the ceremony.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
2:29 pm

oops meant 8-23-2014

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
2:31 pm

meant daughter went OUT….

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
2:32 pm

I like that 823 or 283…

SlimNu

January 2nd, 2014
2:35 pm

Leggs – At first I thought your daughter went to stand in the weed lines :lol: :shock:

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
2:41 pm

SlimNu ~ I know! I read that post back and said I needed to clarify…smdh (lololol)

disco

January 2nd, 2014
2:45 pm

leggs – there has got to be a celebratory feeling in that line. a sense of comraderie akin to how folks were feeling at Woodstock. shoot folks can relax and get high in peace. lol.

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
2:46 pm

You know, guys don’t seem to discuss this sort of thing much. But, being men, we tend to want to come up with solutions. I guess. Easing up on Sally, cause we just broke up with Jane. Happens more than we are willing to admit.

Here’s another thing. Guys, quite often, jump at the chance to help another fella. Conversations tend to go something like: “Yo slick, what’s up?”, “Cain’t call it man, cain’t call it.”, “What’s goin on?”, “Aw man I had to put the ole girl down.”, “Who? Julie?”, “Yeah.”, “You put her down or did she finally tell yo azz to go to hell?”, “Wellllllll.”, “Wellllll hell, she told yo bullsh!tin azz to go to hell, didn’t she?”, “Yeah. Kinda.”, “That’s what I figured. So wat-cha gon do?”, “Hell, I’on know. Need to figga some’em out though.”, “Well, wha-cha could do is holla at ole girl Veronica.”, “Veronica?”, “Yeah Veronica.”, “Hell, ain’t she married?”, “Naw, she aint neva been married. You know she used to fvck Slim, then Katt was easin up on her for a while, but she ain’t changed.”, “I’ll be damned, I thought she was married.”, “Naw man. Had two babies, but she ain’t changed much.”, “No sh!t?”, ”No sh!t, matter of fact, she still run wit Peggy nem.”, “Oh yeah? I remember Peggy azz was game for anythang.”, “Hell, she still is, for as I know.”, “Yeah but Veronica is the one I wanna try out. Kinda forgot all about her azz.”, “Well sh!t, umma tell Peggy you asked about Veronica. Tell her you wanna holla at Veronica. See what she says.”, “Yeah man, do that. Preciate it.”…..

See, the tendency for men is to automatically try and help out. We don’t want to help you get back with the ex, but we are more than willing to help you find another “piece” for the time being. We tend to know the names of one or two that will more than likely be willing. Long as you do your part (power bill, car note…..). As disco has said on many occasions on here, guys are more than willing to pay, although they’ll go to their graves denying it. Jus sayin.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
2:47 pm

button – the quickest way to get a dude like that to get ghost is to ask for something expensive. if he can’t deliver you don’t talk to him. if he does deliver, well, that’s different. lol. usually they don’t deliver though. they just trying to hit right quick and sure ain’t trying to come out the pocket.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
2:49 pm

reio – now it’s messed up we were both posting about me talking about dudes spending money. that’s real messed up. lol.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
2:52 pm

disco – this dude a straight up cock roach! lol I just smh at his pittifulness. He had his cnace, he didn’t follow thru with the ultimatum and now he’s sitting on the sidelines like a sad puppy. Well too dam bad for him! I guess he thought I would wait forever and a day on him to decide whether he wanted to marry me. Too bad too sad. I told him what he won’t do someone else will gladly. I am not one to waste my precious time with a man. I don’t believe in long term dating. Either we going to do this or Im bouncing.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
3:01 pm

disco ~ probably so. Then you have folk checking out all the walks of life and ages of folk who still smoke (lol).

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
3:03 pm

Ya know, if you’re one of those “Quick to come out of his pockets” kinda fella, within small circles, word gets around. And some women, most won’t admit it, don’t mind sharing a guy, long as he comes through for them. In other words, Brenda and Janis is sharing Redd and Greg, and all four of them know about the other three. But Brenda’s and Janis’s power ain’t been turned off in over two years, and they only been late with the car note only once last year, all because of this casual relationship with Redd and Greg. They all know the deal.

Adam

January 2nd, 2014
3:05 pm

Maybe 20 years ago I’d say yes, but now that I know what I know and 40 being around the corner, not a chance. I have been looking for something more solid and like the good book says, there is a time to let childish things go. Besides using sex to get over a heartbreak does not work.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
3:05 pm

she told yo bullsh!tin azz – see, here I thought you said “bullsh! tin azz since “tin” was on another line on my screen (lol).

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
3:07 pm

I was going to give you props, Reio, for that colorful phrase.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
3:09 pm

reio – sho nuff. I could name the big spenders from my heyday right now. you knew who was balling and who wasn’t. you also knew who was a greedy, selfish bastid and who wasn’t. you also knew who had a tiny thing and paid extra to make up for it. yeah, women talk about men talking but women be running it too. lol.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
3:10 pm

Reio – I dated (played) with an old cat who paid all my bills except for the phone bill. I asked him why not my phone bill? his response was bc I’m not paying for another man to talk to you. He was a much older guy. He paid my bills bought me a car, the whole nine except for my phone bill. I was young and money hungry….eons ago. I last heard he had lung cancer so I suppose he’s not deceased.

YesSheIsCute

January 2nd, 2014
3:10 pm

@disco I will try that next time someone starts contacting me that I don’t want to. I’ll ask for something expensive and hopefully he should be ghost.

@Button I never said this but every time I see your moniker I think of that song “Button” by Shanell

Button

January 2nd, 2014
3:11 pm

meant now deceased

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
3:11 pm

Leggs – Yeah, “tin” was part of “bullsh!tin”

But those are exactly the kinds of conversations guys have. Without solicitation. If any help is offered, it’s the kind that directs a buddy in the direction of least resistance. Never towards a high maintenance or needy chick. We guys can be so shallow and uncaring sometimes. Kinda amazing, if you really think about it.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
3:12 pm

disco – also knew who had a tiny thing and paid extra to make up for it. BINGO!!!!

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
3:13 pm

Button – does he know u r engaged?

Button

January 2nd, 2014
3:16 pm

Yes – Inever heard the song but I bet it’s cute :lol:
I picked button bc folks are always pushing one of my buttons. :mrgreen:

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
3:16 pm

Kimmie/disco – Yall quit talkin bout huys like that.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
3:17 pm

Kimmie – we’re from the same town know the same circle of people. Plus he’s nosy as hell always in folks business. Loves to gossip.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
3:18 pm

reio – you making the menfolk sound all helpful and noble and whatnot. you are failing to mention that while they may send a buddy to the everybody can hit chick the average man is a straight blocker. a man will make a referral to the low-level chicks but try to keep the upper tier chicks on lock. like it’s his to lock down. smdh.

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
3:21 pm

That’s a cute moniker, Button.

Reio – what’s up with the moniker Reio?

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
3:24 pm

disco – I agree. No doubt about it. You can be sure he won’t turn his buddy onto the one’s high on HIS list. But fellas will tend to try and help, usually by directing a buddy in the direction of someone they both know, and someone that they both know might be willing to go along with the program. The average fella that’s between relationships will take what he can get. For now. Hell, ask Dwayne Wade. Hehehe….

disco

January 2nd, 2014
3:25 pm

reio – talking bout guys like what? truthfully? lol.

YesSheIsCute

January 2nd, 2014
3:25 pm

@Button it’s cute the way she sings like a kids song, but it’s actually a sexual song.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
3:25 pm

Kimmie – thanks :lol:

what about your moniker?

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
3:26 pm

Disco – u read my mind. Miss me with the “just tryin to help a dog” routine!lol

Button

January 2nd, 2014
3:26 pm

Yes – I have to google Button and listen to it.

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
3:27 pm

Kimmie – “Reio” is a nickname. Kinda long and involved story behind it. Perhaps I’ll reveal it at some point. It’s not a secret, mind you, just a bit involved. And quite funny to boot.

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
3:27 pm

Button – came up with Kimmie out of laziness! Lol, short for Kimberly.

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
3:30 pm

disco – “…knew who had a tiny thing and paid extra to make up for it. ”

Like that! Hell, a fella cain’t hep what he’s got. Just let’em be. Ok?

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
3:33 pm

Reio ~ did something happen to you while you were in Rio De Janeiro (lol). That’s what I think of when I see your moniker.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
3:34 pm

reio – you right. I will let him be. I’ll let him be up in somebody else’s face. on 3 kimmie. 1, 2, 3, “miss me with that”. lol.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
3:37 pm

Kimmie – gotcha!

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
3:39 pm

Leggs – Never been to Rio De Janeiro. Had this nickname since adolescence. It started within my family and pretty much stuck. Could never shake loose from it. Pronounced ‘Ree-o’, or just ‘Ree’ for the closer friends and relatives.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
3:42 pm

reio – speaking of nicknames. I was in the mall yesterday and heard someone call my nickname. very unusual as I don’t even share my nickname with new people. turned around and there was a chick I grew up with. haven’t seen her in about 15+years.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
3:44 pm

at what age do you stop using nicknames? to be called p’nut at 40 doesn’t sit well with me. Slim, fat, big money grip, pumpkin, nana, flip. I know a p’nut and I bet his name is Levelle or something like that lol

disco

January 2nd, 2014
3:48 pm

button – never. nicknames are for life and I for one absolutely love them. government names are for the general population. nicknames are for friends/family/folks who knew you “when”.

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
3:50 pm

Button – The people that use your nickname will use it till you die, or, they die, whichever is first. Newer friends may use a different nickname, or use your given name, but the friends and relatives from years ago? Will always use that nickname, whether you like it or not, whether you’re 22 or 68, they don’t care.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
3:53 pm

disco ~ so was it good seeing her or did you have a knee jerk reaction like “oh snap, not her again?”

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
3:56 pm

disco ~ nevermind. Since she knows your nickname I sense you guys were close. You’re not a hugger, so did you hug her since it’s being over 15 years since you’ve seen each other?

disco

January 2nd, 2014
3:58 pm

leggs – I was happy to see her. when I say we go back – we go way back. heck, we’ve known one another since before our memories kicked in. our grandparents lived on the same block. our mothers grew up together. we go back. lol.

leggs – yes, I did hug her.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
3:58 pm

Ok, I’ve got the eating bug. Every once in a blue moon I can’t stop eating…today is that day. I wish I had another hot turkey sandwich.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
4:03 pm

leggs – to add to the story, my son is pondering a job offer in the city she lives in and was going on about he didn’t know anyone there. I told him that just because he didn’t know folks didn’t mean folks didn’t know him and mentioned that she lived there. (she was just here visiting which made it so odd that I ran into her).

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:04 pm

Yay, my co-worker just gave me a bag of pistachios.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:05 pm

It always amazes me when things like that happen. You talked her up and Poof, there she is. Everything happens for a reason.

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
4:06 pm

Well, that’s too bad. Cause if they called yo azz Zip at 12, they’ll be calling you Zip at 66 too. Ole stankin, snuff dippin, no teeth, damn near blind, deaf, right foot infected, broke, dirty, 74 year old azz Zip. Just the way it is.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
4:07 pm

leggs – did she say “I got something you can snack on. dese nuts?” lol. okay. sorry. I’m being silly. goodness I used to hate when folks said that.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:08 pm

You ran into her at the mall, do you think she would have looked you up during her visit???

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:10 pm

disco ~ she was walking by and I asked if she had something to snack on. She came back with pistachios…yum!

disco

January 2nd, 2014
4:11 pm

reio – by high school zip probably started calling himself Z and Z stuck and more people end up calling him Z than zip but, yeah, you right, he’s always “little zippy”. lol.

leggs – nope and I’m okay with that. I would much rather hear that folks were here than they call me and tell me they plan to be here.

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
4:11 pm

I started calling my daughter Pumpkin & sometimes Lil Bit. She doesn’t care much for pumpkin, says they r short & orange, lol, but she answers to it. She loves Lil Bit though. Said she wants a Falcons jersey with that on the back.

disco

January 2nd, 2014
4:12 pm

leggs – 9 times out of 10 when folks tell me they are going to be here I’ll be like “Really? that’s too bad. I’m going to be in Atlanta that weekend”. lol. I generally don’t want to be bothered.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
4:13 pm

I lol at Squeak when she stood up and said that “may name is Mary Agnes” eveybody looks at her in awe. -Color Purple

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:15 pm

I hear ya, disco!

kimmie ~ I good friend of my mother’s used to call me lil bit, along with mouth o mighty.

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
4:16 pm

“….Said she wants a Falcons jersey with that on the back.”

Well bless her heart. Precious Lil thang. I’m sure she realizes, however that the Falcons ain’t sh!t!!, and them DAWGS ain’t worth a flip either. Surely she knows this.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:19 pm

I’m munching on ice right now so I know something is wrong with me. Iron must be low.

Button

January 2nd, 2014
4:20 pm

Reio- your love for the falcons speaks volume.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:20 pm

“Well bless her heart. Precious Lil thang. I’m sure she realizes, however that the Falcons ain’t sh!t!!, and them DAWGS ain’t worth a flip either. Surely she knows this.” – Perhaps I shouldn’t have repeated this, but it sure was funny!

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:21 pm

And especially to you kimmie (Dawgs fan for life).

disco

January 2nd, 2014
4:27 pm

I just read an article about a dude who served 19 years for a crime he didn’t commit. now he just got sentenced to 12-24 months for a crime he did commit. frankly I think he should get time served. after 19 years dude deserves a pass. ijs.

SlimNu

January 2nd, 2014
4:28 pm

Button – It’s very rare that anyone calls me by a nickname. Slim is not even mine but a few customers will call me that, probably because they don’t recall my name. lol

Kimmie

January 2nd, 2014
4:28 pm

Reio – take yo tired behind to Rio, if they will have you!! She loves the Falcons & the Dawgs, she is not a fair weather, only when the team is good or the flavor of the month, type of fan, just like her mama!!lol

SlimNu

January 2nd, 2014
4:28 pm

disco – What did buddy do?

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
4:29 pm

What crime DID he commit?

Reio

January 2nd, 2014
4:31 pm

Kimmie – There ya go!! Stick with’em. Through thick & thin. Way ta go!!

disco

January 2nd, 2014
4:32 pm

personally I don’t think it matters what crime he committed if the sentence only warranted 12-24 months. that’s county time, not even state time. I feel like I should be able to amass at least 19 years worth of offenses but that’s just me. lol. but since y’all asked, illegal possession of a firearm and drug possession (drug not specified).

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:39 pm

disco ~ not only that, it’s hard for someone who’s been locked up for 19 years to not repeat. Adjusting back to society is hard enough, let alone staying out of trouble with all this stimuli in front of you. Do you know how long he was out before getting caught up again?

Button

January 2nd, 2014
4:42 pm

SlimNu – I’ve noticed that men tend to call ladies slim if she is slim. also men tend to call other men chief.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:44 pm

It’s been a minute since I’ve heard “chief.”

disco

January 2nd, 2014
4:45 pm

leggs – not repeat? he didn’t do it in the first place. lol. I’m not sure when dude did the original 19 years. DNA got him off a sexual assault charge. even considering the fact that he got paid doesn’t give him his time back PLUS he was in on a sex crime!!! frankly they should have thrown this piddly charge out as a goodwill gesture. they probably just mad cause he got almost 4 million dollars from the state.

Leggs

January 2nd, 2014
4:55 pm

disco ~ you’re right, not repeat. I stand corrected.