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Archive for January, 2014

Dating: When do you back off?

Sometimes a guy is getting the run around from someone he is pursuing but he doesn’t realize it. One of our readers wants to know when or if he should back off from a young lady he met last year. He has spent time with her but only if he initiates. His efforts are not reciprocated so he wonders if he should cut his losses and move on.

There are women who enjoy the whole process of being pursued and courted. Then there are those who will use a guy for attention, meals, and even sex. Guys have to be careful not to waste their efforts on the wrong women.

So how do you know when to back off? What if the person gives mixed messages?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading Dating: When do you back off? »

Declining the move-in offer?

A friend of mine wanted to move in with his long-time girlfriend this year. When he first brought the idea up, she told him she was in love with him but she didn’t want to live with him. Even though he spends a lot of time there, he feels that this is a bad sign for their relationship.

I wonder if the fact that he suggested cohabitation instead of marriage is the real sign here. If you turn down an invitation to move in, does it leave your relationship in jeopardy?

When you discover that you aren’t on the same page, what do you do?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading Declining the move-in offer? »

Relationship dilemma: Bedroom politics

I received an email from a young woman who said she has a relationship dilemma. Her boyfriend of four months asked her to try something in the bedroom that she really wasn’t into. They discussed it and she told him no, but he seemed relentless about it. After really breaking down the reasons why she had that “boundary”, he kind of sulked about it. Now, he gets an attitude with her and tries to make her feel guilty. What should she do about it?

I haven’t given her a response yet because I wanted the blog to discuss bedroom politics. Should there be a power dynamic in the bedroom? Do you think that who is in “control” is important? If your partner prefers to do or not do something, shouldn’t you be able to communicate and find a way to compromise?

I also wonder if pouting and sulking when you don’t get your way is a red flag? It kind of reeks of immaturity, in my opinion. It definitely would put a damper on my attraction to a guy if he threw a tantrum over sex. Like, what …

Continue reading Relationship dilemma: Bedroom politics »

How well do you know them?

Have you ever met someone and it felt like you two have known each other for a really long time? I mean, it’s kind of great when this happens because you feel comfortable with then almost immediately. People tend to let their guard down faster when they feel that sense of familiarity. There still should be some caution though because the reality is that you’ve only just begun to peel the layers back.

This begs the question, “How long does it take to really to know someone?” and when do you feel at ease with them?

Honestly, I’ve met married couples who seemed to know very little about one another and they seem to be getting along! Do we ever truly know who we date? Do we have some mental checklist of things we try to learn to hone in on who they really are?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading How well do you know them? »

Whose bank account is bigger?

There are many successful women in Atlanta who purposely hide their success from men they date. Well, I should say the men they meet and begin to date don’t know their coin status. I wonder though, is that really necessary?

Do you think men even have an issue dating a woman with more money, generally? I ask because from what I have seen and heard, men aren’t pick about the finances of their women.

The fact that a woman can financially support herself does not deter a man from pursuit as often as people think. The women with big bank accounts won’t necessarily require men to make the same as they do.

Do you think women having a larger bank account adds a different dynamic to their dating relationships?

Do men believe that a woman with more money should be treated any differently?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading Whose bank account is bigger? »

Should you befriend married?

There is this young man who said that he met someone and discovered that she is not single. She has a husband but they are legally separated. His interest in her has waned a bit but she is pushing for a relationship with him. He wants to just be friends with her and she wants him to be there for her romantically.

I think this happens a lot with single people. We meet someone great and things start off well, then we get the surprise I’m actually not even single bomb. It’s rude and selfish to get involved with someone when you are married. This is why many people are hesitant to even become friends with someone who is married. So many times it starts as a friendship but things get blurred and lines are crossed.

Should married people have a lot of single friends?

Do you believe in dating people who are “barely” married or married but unhappy?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading Should you befriend married? »

Paying for dates

The costs of dating can get expensive so it’s understandable that people are selective about who they date. It makes sense not to sink a bunch of money into dating someone you aren’t truly interested in. One of my guy friends has some kind of system where he limits the amount of money he spends on first and second dates.

Do you think you should go Dutch and pay your own way on dates? Does it help to split the costs so that neither of you feel the pressure to always pay?

I try to at least reach for the check and I fully expect to pay. I think guys appreciate this and usually they insist on paying. I often offer to cover the tip in those cases.

How many dates should you pay for before sharing or splitting the check starts?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading Paying for dates »

Dating: Snap judgments

The Atlanta dating scene can be fun and exciting, yet we also manage to make it difficult and challenging at times. The way we kind check each other up and scrutinize every single thing to come up with some kind of snap judgment about people to discount them is unfair. I think we believe it is necessary though!

Think about how we look at the way someone is dressed or how they speak. We can tell without knowing more about them if we are interested in going on a date with them. At least we convince ourselves that we know enough to weed them out.

Is this really fair though? I remember meeting someone who had a lot of tattoos and piercings on Marta. He is sitting there trying to get my number and all I could think of was what would we even have to talk about ?! I am a raging nerd who would faint at the sight or a tattoo needled and my ears aren’t even pierced! So are snap judgments kind of useful?

Do you believe your first impression of a person should inform your opinion …

Continue reading Dating: Snap judgments »

Never called back

Do you believe that it is necessary to let someone know you lost interest in them? I have heard guys say that they just stopped calling and let the woman sort of just figure it out. I guess that’s one way to handle it but why can’t there be some kind of way to just say it?

When you meet someone and you are both trying to figure out if there is something there, isn’t there time to end things? I am not a fan of disappearing acts especially when there has been some kind of intimacy.

When do you think it is ok to just stop calling? What happens if you run into the person somewhere and they ask you why you stopped calling?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading Never called back »

About last night redux

I attended a prescreening for the film About Last Night yesterday. The film stars the very hot Michael Ealy and his dreamy eyes, Joy Bryant, Regina Hall, and Kevin Hart. The film is a remake of About Last Night with Demi Moore and Rob Lowe. I am a big fan of to original and I don’t like remakes, so I was skeptical. It was pretty good though! Once I stopped comparing to the original, I was entertained.

The film kind of explores how single people try to have one night stands that actually turn out to be one month stands! Hooking up with no plans to get serious often backfires. This happens a lot and we have no one to blame but ourselves.

What do you think about one night stands? Do you think people still set out to have them intentionally or have we evolved? Are we more cautious about one night stands?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

Continue reading About last night redux »