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Your year in dating

It almost time to say goodbye to 2013 and I, for one, am happy to see it end. The great thing about closing out a year is taking time to reflect. What did we get right? What did we get wrong? Before the new year arrives, why not take the lessons that you learned to improve your chances of successful dating in 2014?

So what has been your best and worst dates of 2013? Which experiences do you think taught you the most valuable lesson?

When you look ahead to 2014, what new things are you planning to try?

Happy Monday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

176 comments Add your comment

SlimNu

December 30th, 2013
8:47 am

Wow, am I really? Could it be that I……first?

Um 2014, is the year of SlimNu….all about Me, myself and I. Always want to be a better me….once I’m a better me, then I can be a better friend, sister, auntie, shoulder etc. :-D

disco

December 30th, 2013
8:58 am

good morning slim. glad to see this place is back open for business.

as for the topic and reflecting on dating – I didn’t have a single date all year and I’ll be the first to say that’s messed up. now, I did go out with some folks but didn’t call it a date because I knew going in it wasn’t like that. with a track record like that 2014 has definitely got to be better.

I did see some good plays, decent foreign films and got a few trips in during the year. didn’t attend any concerts this year.

SlimNu

December 30th, 2013
9:01 am

disco – I almost didn’t know what to do with myself those two days after Christmas with no blog. I actually had to do some work, imagine that! lol I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you get in a least one REAL date in 2014 :lol:

disco

December 30th, 2013
9:06 am

slim – if not, it’s all good. I’m hoping to get in 3 decent vacations next year. I’ll take a decent vacation over a mediocre date any day. lol.

MsAtl

December 30th, 2013
9:10 am

Morning Slim & Disco!

I was on the tail end of a relationship this year. I also went out on a couple of dates, using the term loosely. I would have to say the worst date was where the man bought his own tickets and snacks only, although I have to say the movie was pretty good.

I guess one thing I have to do in the coming year is to ask more follow up questions (like, but did you actually graduate?) and actually get out more. Otherwise, I will continue to enjoy life and have fun.

Reio

December 30th, 2013
9:11 am

Morning SlimNu!

Didn’t date in 2013. Haven’t dated for many years, so I can’t offer anything along those lines
.
Years ago I learned that it’s probably wise to know what you are looking for. I understand that this can be a little tricky for women. Primarily because men are the ones that initiate things. And as a result, have somewhat of an advantage, in that, once they decide that she ain’t right, they can just move on to initiating something with someone else.. Women, on the other hand, once they decide he ain’t right, can end it and move on, but will have to wait for someone else to come along.

Hold on a minute. I can just hear some of you(women) now, “Da hell you talkin bout? “Wait for someone else to come along.” Well, it’s true. I would guess that for 99% of men, if approached by a woman, will see her as either desperate, or just looking for something physical. That’s the truth. Certainly not be for all men, hell, even that 99% I mentioned earlier is much too high of a percentage, but from my experience and conversations over the years, this is the case.

But it is still wise to know what you want, and be willing to end it as soon as you realize that this person is not right for you. Better o be alone than with someone that you’d rather not be with. Just my opinion.

disco – Just hang in there. Still some good fellas around. But since you are comfortable and content alone, you can do just fine, alone. No one needs a stupid damn fool in their lives.

disco

December 30th, 2013
9:18 am

atl / reio – welcome back!!!!

reio – trust me when I say I’m cool. I may not necessarily like the situation each and every day but I have most definitely come to terms with it. I’m good. if anything, I think I’m more perturbed at the folks who constantly give me the speech re my standards being too high. (I swear I’ve had the conversation at least twice in the past week.) I find myself wishing I could just knock their teeth out sometimes. lol.

Reio

December 30th, 2013
9:24 am

“….ask more follow up questions…”

There you go. Always, always, ask questions. Listen to their answers, and if they need a follow -up, ask that one too. By doing so, you put them on the spot and require them to open up. A good man won’t mind questions, so long as you don’t ask the same ones over and over. I know I did. I wanted to know as much about them as I could. Their pasts weren’t as important as their present, unless their past could have some bearing on them/us going forward.

2CPTG©

December 30th, 2013
9:27 am

damn a date, I haven’t hunched in seems like ages……c’mon 2014!!!!

2CPTG©

December 30th, 2013
9:29 am

if I don’t get any within the next two days, we4 gon’ have proble4ms!

Reio

December 30th, 2013
9:30 am

disco – Ok, so you have high standards. Nothing wrong with that. A good fella won’t have much trouble living up to those standards. I wanted a woman that had high standards. I felt that I had a lot to offer, and that not “just anybody” would do. So, over the years, I had several that didn’t last very long. Felt kinda bad after ending a few, but I knew in my heart, it was best for both of us.

Reio

December 30th, 2013
9:32 am

2C – Still a few days left in 2013. Don’t know what to tell ya.

2CPTG©

December 30th, 2013
9:33 am

Slim, specifically, what changes do you want to make in 2014?

disco, if you haven’t had a “real” date by March, hit me up, ok?

SlimNu

December 30th, 2013
9:40 am

2C – Specifically, what changes do you want to make in 2014?

disco

December 30th, 2013
9:46 am

2C – that’s funny. earlier I was thinking to post that if I didn’t have a real date soon I’d be tempted to email you. then I thought it was too early to be picking. lol.

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
9:51 am

Haven’t really had bad dates, just never made a connection. I jumped in the pool and I’m still swimming. All that matters is I haven’t drowned and still willing to swim in the deep waters.

Which experiences do you think taught you the most valuable lesson? – The #1 lesson learned is to stay true to myself and not settle to be with someone simply because they want to be with me. I’ve encountered quite a few who appeared to offer me a quasi-emotional relationship, but since I recognized it for what it was worth I happily skipped to the tune of K.I.M…..

Good, good morning!

Reio

December 30th, 2013
10:01 am

Obviously, I don’t need to mention this to any of you, but I’ll do it anyway. Many guys would rather not commit to one lady, cause that would mean that would have to slow down, and stop trying to hit on everything they see. So, they fain seriousness with you, get what they want, and move on. Yall need to be on the look-out for this. Some guys are quite good at “fakin” it. Dirty fuggas.

SlimNu

December 30th, 2013
10:06 am

unclear why you’re trying to call me out

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
10:07 am

Reio ~ I’m cracking up because I tried to be nice with my post, but you nailed exactly what I feel…thank you!

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
10:15 am

Reio ~ here’s one that’s probably already on the books. Not sure if you were around last week when I spoke on this guy who showed a lot of interest in me only to find out he’s living with a woman he’s “about” to end it with and wanted ME to make “adjustments” to be with him. I’m still laughing at that statement. Anyway, I gave him a piece of my mind and told him to find someone else willing to be his side chick. This man called me the day after Christmas whining, actually whining on how he thinks of me and wants me in his life and that he’s ending his relationship after NY. (Picture me looking around the room making sure I haven’t stepped into the Twilight Zone!) Again, I had to inform him that I’m no young buck just waddling into the dating pool, nor am I thirsty, desperate or lonely enough to even consider his chopping down on the bait he’s dangling. He asked if he could call me next week after he ends his relationship. I could only laugh and click off. Yes, I hung up. You think he got the message? Probably not! In your words, dirty fuggas!

Reio

December 30th, 2013
10:19 am

Think I mentioned on here before, that I used to wonder about my oldest daughter. As an older teen and younger adult, her azz went through men like a steel bowling ball through shallow water. No stopping. I used to kinda wonder a little. And, yes, way, way, in the back of my mind, I wondered if this heffa was just a loose chick, gittin all she could and then some. But, I knew her, I raised her, so I knew that she didn’t have much patience when it came to men. I simply chalked it up to her just being her.

She would bring one around, and, oh, I don’t know, maybe, nine weeks later, here comes another one. I can remember saying to myself, on more than one occasion, “Sh!t, seems like a month ago there was another fella in the living room. Now, this jackazz is here. Da hell?”

But seems like it worked out ok. The one she settled on, appears to be a decent fella. Been married a while, no signs of trouble, so, maybe she was just not settling, and dismissed them as soon as she saw something she couldn’t/wouldn’t tolerate. Had me wondering, kinda, sorta, for a while though.

SlimNu

December 30th, 2013
10:23 am

Leggs – He probably didn’t get the picture at all…it’s a different challenge or a welcome challenge he may not have gotten in a while. lol He’ll be back…he’s trying to review his playbook to see what his next move should be. I’m thinking there’s a bit of dust on his special plays :lol:

SlimNu

December 30th, 2013
10:23 am

Leggs – He probably didn’t get the picture at all…it’s a different challenge or a welcome challenge he may not have gotten in a while. lol He’ll be back…he’s trying to review his playbook to see what his next move should be. I’m thinking there’s a bit of dust on his special plays :lol:

MsAtl

December 30th, 2013
10:26 am

Leggs- I am laughing at your story. Can he call you next week after he ends his relationship? Lolol The bold nerve! And why do you think he has that attitude? Because he has found other women willing to take on that role. No ma’am!

Reio

December 30th, 2013
10:28 am

Leggs – Sounds like you did the right thing. I always wondered why some people, men and women, won’t just tell this other person, in so many words, “roast in hell.” Don’t mean no harm, but some people ain’t worth a damn. Imagine, wanting you to hold on, til he dumps the present one. What? Da hell? Ain’t no way. Move on, little boy. Take your train set, and little fire truck on down the road. This ain’t no playground. Stankin two-legged pig.

kimmie

December 30th, 2013
10:34 am

Morning All!!! Back from FLA!! Had a wonderful holiday vacation!

Disco – Folks kill me trying to counsel YOU on YOUR standards! If you ask me, I think in general, more women’s standards could use some RAISING, not lowering. But naw, if you are single, you simply MUST be asking for a bit too much. MISS ME WITH THAT!!LOL!!!

While we got a few in this year, I want hubs and I to have more date nights in 2014. I get tired of “wishing” every time I see a cool restaraunt I have not tried or a concert I want to catch. Like I said, we did a few things, but this year – much, much more!!

Leggs – Naw girl, just face it. You’re a challenge. :) Dude is intrigued cause he don’t know what to do. Too bad, sucks to be him!!LOL!!

kimmie

December 30th, 2013
10:36 am

Stankin two-legged pig.

:lol: :lol:

Reio, you have a way with words. And in his case, you’re being generous!!LOL!!

Celisea

December 30th, 2013
10:48 am

Helllllooooooooooooo!

Vacay was faaaaantab! Too back I’m all congested and stuff, my first day back. 2013 was a great year….in every way :mrgreen: That’s all I got on the topic.

Got my itinerary for our first trip. St. Augustine, FL Casa Monica Hotel…..simply splendid. Next month! Can’t wait!!!

Celisea

December 30th, 2013
10:49 am

dern….”too bad” not too back

Celisea

December 30th, 2013
10:49 am

Oh, and if I win any categories in y’alls superlatives, I will wear it with a badge of honor :mrgreen:

Reio

December 30th, 2013
10:50 am

Leggs – Now, you already know all you need to know bout this fella. But if he calls back, you’ll know even more. Just a mere phone call, is enough, to confirm the fact that all he wanted to do anyway, was to pull your dress up, get a whiff, and leave. Why else would he call back after having been hung up on? I actually expect for him to call again with “Well, at least I told you about her, and my plans to end it”, to which, I suspect, you will respond with “Drop dead. You weak-kneed, runny-nose, bubblegum chewing, feeble-minded little boy. Unlike you, I’m grown. I don’t play. Don’t call back.” Then, hang up in his face again. Maybe that’ll do it, if he calls again.

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
10:57 am

What amazes me is this guy actually thinks by saying he’s ending his relationship after NY I’m panting and cant wait to chomp.

“Imagine, wanting you to hold on, til he dumps the present one.” – I feel sorry for the person who believes the man when he says he’s ended his previous relationship. Mere words, baby, mere, empty words! I’m not the low dangling fruit he seems to be used to. My feelings aren’t even hurt anymore because I can actually laugh at the stupidity of this grown a$$ man coming at me like I’m young, dumb and thirsty…gotta laugh at dumb men who, like SlimNu says, has dust on their playbooks!!!

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
10:59 am

kimmie ~ glad you had a blast! You got it, make that date night come alive more often in 2014. I’ll babysit for the mini adults (lol).

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
11:05 am

Celisea ~ speaking of the blog awards, I am going to post the categories again after NY. Unfortunately, a sign of the times with people not wanting their email addresses out, because not one vote came into my email account!

Reio ~ not sure if I could say all that to him w/o laughing, but please believe I will have words if another call comes in confirming what I already suspect.

kimmie

December 30th, 2013
11:14 am

Leggs – Mini adults is right, they really think they are grown!LOL!!

Leggs – Dudes like him are why I really think women as a whole should raise their standards. We have lowered things so bad now that men think they don’t have to put forth any effort and come at you with no respect at all. And the sad truth is that in more cases than not, they can get away with it. Just like you and I and others we know won’t tolerate the BS, it’s just as many women out there that will, and that needs to come to a screeching halt! Plus, too many of us sanction the BS by telling our sisters to lower their standards. Yes, some of us need to get it together ourselves, I got that. But too many have allowed dudes to call the shots and dog everything we do and say we don’t deserve to be treated like ladies because we don’t act like ladies. Sure some don’t, but many, like you Leggs, are the definition of a lady and still dudes think they can step to you half-azzed!! Now who is the one not deserving of respect? It certainly isn’t you!

Okay, off my soapbox for end of 2013!! :lol:

Reio

December 30th, 2013
11:19 am

Well, that bag of sweet potatoes I saw on the kitchen floor before Thanksgiving, that disappeared, never resurfaced. So, that’s good. Also, my wife didn’t try and bake cakes and pies like she normally does. Threw together some funny looking cinnamon, kinda round, semi-hard cookies. Kinda, sorta. I guess. I think I saw that little cashier in WalMart, that pinched me earlier, months ago. If it was her, she was about four aisles over, and didn’t see me. Although, it’s possible that it wasn’t her. Turnover is high at WalMart, I heard, and some of those little girl cashiers(very young women actually), look alike to me, so maybe I was seeing things.

Kimmie – Your post just gave me an idea as to how to get rid of my wife(should I ever want/need to)
Just come in the house and say “Honey, how bout me and you go check out a movie tonight!”. She would drop to the floor from a massive cardiac arrest. Dead before she hits the floor. Lol. We really need to get out more as well though. I’ll look into that in 2014.

kimmie

December 30th, 2013
11:27 am

Reio – LOL!! Glad you didn’t have to endure the homemade “goodies” this holiday season! I made us my special vanilla poundcake yesterday. I have not done one in a long time and want to keep up my skills!

Yeah Reio, take you lady out. Ease into the invitation so she won’t pass out from the initial shock!LOL!! We ladies love a chance to dress cute and go out with our men.

Reio

December 30th, 2013
11:29 am

Kimmie – It’s a deal. Thanks!

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
11:31 am

kimmie ~ x o x o x o x!

Reio ~ sounds like you have a NY resolution even if you don’t make resolutions!!!! What a nice one to adopt, “date your wife more!”

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
11:36 am

kimmie ~ I did my special sour cream poundcake and it was DELICIOUS. I was very proud. Always wonderful when you make something from scratch and everyone pounces on it (lolol).

Reio

December 30th, 2013
11:39 am

Well, actually, those homemade “goodies” would more than likely be pretty good, if she wouldn’t wait 365 days between baking sessions. She gets rusty and then tries to pick up again during the holidays, and it never turns out well. I know better. I’ll never get in there and try to cook stuff. I don’t have a clue. All I know about cooking, while growing up around three older sisters, a mother, and grandmother is “Boy, yall get out of this kitchen!” or “Close that oven door!” or “Git away from there. It ain’t ready yet!” or “Go sit yo azz down somewhere, and stop worrying me bout these damn pork chops!….” That’s my and my brother’s cooking experience.

MsAtl

December 30th, 2013
11:49 am

Kimmie- Exactly! Men have gotten used to being able to get over. I had one man tell me that either people accept him as he is or fc em because he isn’t changing for anyone and that love should be unconditional. Well then I guess its fc you buddy, because you could stand some improvement. Love may be unconditional but your presence is conditional upon your behavior and actions.

kimmie

December 30th, 2013
11:52 am

Reio – I was watching some of my favorite cooking shows yesterday while I made dinner. I tell people that “baking” is a different animal from regular “cooking” all the time. It’s a chemistry to baking that you have to get right or the finished product is almost inedible. Baking some chicken or some pork chops or tossing a salad is nothing compared to baking. Anyway, one of the chefs on one show I was watching is sometimes a judge on Top Chef. She confirmed what I said about baking. Baking or “pastry” as they call it, is actually a separate specialty in culinary training and not all professional chefs are trained in it. She said they don’t do desserts much on Top Chef because alot of chefs are not pastry chefs.

It’s something that if you don’t use often enough, you can lose your hand at it and have to learn all over, so I can understand the issues your wife is having with it.

kimmie

December 30th, 2013
11:54 am

Love may be unconditional but your presence is conditional upon your behavior and actions.

MsAtl – Now that’s a great end-of-year blog statement!!

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
11:57 am

“Love may be unconditional but your presence is conditional upon your behavior and actions.” – And that’s the bottom line. It’s such a turnoff to see that so many do not want to put the time and effort into getting to know someone. No doubt there are many men and women out there, but when you find yourself backtracking to that person you didn’t want to put effort into, what does that say about you?

No doubt both en and women both do it, but when you realize it’s time for you to pump your breaks, what do you see in front of you….a barren landscape!

Mrs. SexyCool

December 30th, 2013
12:00 pm

M and I had GREAT dates this year. Next year, we pledge to do even better.

And I agree, lately, I have been toying with the idea of asking him to give me a performance evaluation on how I do as a wife. (I kid. I kid.)

In fact, we communicate quite often about what is working and what is not in our relationship.

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
12:03 pm

kimmie ~ I told my ex the same thing when he ate a slice of cake. Just because I’m a very good cook, it has nothing to do with “baking.” Baking is a precise science not much improvisation when you’re missing a key ingredient. With cooking, there’s a plethora of ways to supplement a missing ingredient. How you going to make a cake w/o flour, but you can make gravy w/out frying your flour!!!

Leggs

December 30th, 2013
12:07 pm

MrsSC ~ Not that you asked, I see nothing wrong with that. If people can take compatibility tests in magazines and so forth, why not take one from your mate. No guessing what needs improving (if anything). And, what about those blazing highlights you might get in other departments you didn’t think were a strong suit of yours? What an emotional impetus to get to a higher rung on the successful ladder called “marriage!”

Reio

December 30th, 2013
12:07 pm

I remember many years ago, my brother and I were being particularly bothersome that day in and out of the kitchen. My grandmother cussed a blue streak(she was already upset about something else) and ran us out the back door. So we just sat under the shade tree, it was summer, and a few minutes later, one of my sisters came out with what looked like two napkins with something in them, one in each hand. “Here, she told me to brang yall this.”, “Oh yea?. What’s this?”, “What’s it look like?”, “Cookies? (Ginger Snaps) Just three?”, “That’s all she gave me.”, “What are we gonna do with just three little Ginger Snaps?”, “If yall don’t want’em, I’ll take’em back and see what she says then.”, “No,no we’ll eat’em, but three ain’t nuthin……” I was mad. Three little bitty Ginger Snaps. Hell, I could put all three in my mouth at once, if I wanted to, my brother could too. “We ain’t no little boys.”(We were, actually. Just, maybe, 7&8), but I’ll always remember those three little Ginger Snaps and wondering did my sisters hijack some of them on her way out to bring them to us. They probably did, looking back on it. Thieving heffas.

kimmie

December 30th, 2013
12:12 pm

Leggs – Exactly, especially when knowing how much baking powder or baking soda or salt to use, or how long to mix, etc. That’s what I was trying to explain to hubs why I had no real use for salted butter. It’s fine on vegatables or spread on baked bread. But there is no way to measure the salt that’s in it for a cake or cookies. And there is nothing you can do with a salty cake except throw it out!