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Are you intellectually matched?

I received an email from a reader who is considering dumping someone that she thought she liked. Although they seemed to have a good connection, she is starting to notice that he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean. She has never dated anyone who wasn’t equally intelligent as she was.

Is that something that could be a deal breaker for you? I think we all want to have a partner that can hold conversations that won’t bore us to tears. Lacking intellect would definitely make it difficult to be more attracted to them.

Have you ever dated someone who you believed was not your match intellectually? Did you regret it?

How do you know if you two are compatible when it comes to intellect?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

166 comments Add your comment

lee

December 19th, 2013
7:24 am

Dear Lord,
No one has complete knowledge of everything in this world.
So he is not up to her standards intellectually, so i guess he speaks in grunts, and when you first met him as he was taking you out here and there you didn’t notice… hmm
I would of like an example

My day off feeling good, enjoying a cup of green tea and cake for breakfast… then i shall work out for balance in my life.

Miss Moni

December 19th, 2013
8:25 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! *Holiday Luncheon at work is TODAY!* :-D

Have you ever dated someone who you believed was not your match intellectually? Yes I have.

Did you regret it? No, it just taught me a lesson for the next time around.

How do you know if you two are compatible when it comes to intellect? When you don’t have to water down your word selection so that they’ll understand what you’re saying. When you can talk for hours, engaged in an enjoyable conversation.

YesSheIsCute

December 19th, 2013
8:35 am

Good morning everyone!

I have dated people that I feel were intelligent in a different way/knowledgeable and resourceful regarding different things. Not to say they weren’t intelligent, I feel like everyone has their strong points. For instance, I’m dumb when it relates to cars. But some people are really well versed and intuitive with them and have a great creativity for solving problems with cars. Just because they don’t speak another language or know 5 syllable words doesn’t make them stupid. Their intelligence and aptitude is just expressed in another way.

However if a person just lacks overall common sense, doesn’t seem to be able to think ahead, and just is dumb as a doorknob that is a completely different story and I can see where the unparalleled thinking power could become taxing to deal with.

Reio

December 19th, 2013
9:16 am

Morning all!

I’ve always looked for women that I felt were on the same level or higher than me. Now, this is not to say that she had to be a college graduate or, at the time, and, for that matter, even a college student.
But there is one thing I knew then and something that I taught my daughters. And that is,” America does not reward you for a high school diploma.”

In other words, if you don’t graduate from college, that’s fine. Just remember, that your prospects in life, here in America, will be severely limited. Hell, even with a degree, there are no guarantees. But the truth is, with a degree, you automatically become, at least, eligible for a number of positions that would not be open to you otherwise. Again, no guarantees, but why chance it, if you can attend college.

I’ve dated women of all stripes intellectually. No one really stands out, as I recall, on any level. My big thing was whether she had, and exercised, common sense. Some of them were quite bright. Actually, a couple of them were quite bright indeed. But didn’t always use good judgment. Or failed to think things through. Others were, well, shall I say, a bit slower than some. But for most of the slower ones, it had more to do with their early childhood and life experiences, and exposures, than anything else.

Celisea

December 19th, 2013
9:36 am

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me…..degree or no. One thing I know and have really come to understand here of late (these last few years), if you make the effort to put him first he’ll give you favor, wisdom, knowledge. He’ll do and grow in ways not possible to man or in ways that folks that “don’t know”, won’t get. They’ll wonder how are things possible cause in their minds you’re limited. Limited in education, limited financially, etc. All you can do is give praise to the Almighty cause he brings to past and into existence those things impossible to man. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

Not knocking Reio’s post but his writings sort of sent me in this direction. If people only believed…..HE ain’t like man. HE far exceeds any way or place the natural kind can go, your bank account can stretch. Miracles and blessings. ;)

On topic, no dumb bots…lololol

Off to enjoy my day…..toodles!!

Celisea

December 19th, 2013
9:38 am

Mind not kind

Reio

December 19th, 2013
9:59 am

Many of my dates, and eventual relationships, were either set up by a friend, family member, or acquaintance. I never told them (the set uppers?), about how important intelligence was to me. Those that did try and “fix” me up seemed to assume that I was looking for someone very intelligent. Which was true, but not quite as high on my list as they seemed to think. For instance, I can recall a number of conversations that I had with each of my sisters over the years with respect to this. One such conversation went like this over the phone.

“Hello.”, “Hey Re, how ya doin?, “Ok. Still tryna jury-rig this damn gas line on this weed eater.”, “Oh yeah? What’s wrong?”, “This little gas line leaks. There’s a small split along the side of it, and I’m tryna come up with some’n to replace it with. Nothing’s worked so far. What’s up?”, “Well, you know Mona don’t you?”, “Mona who?”, “Mona Gibson.”, “Oh, yeah yeah. That’s Slab and Mike’s sister, right?”, “Yeah, that’s her.”, “What about her?”, “Well I saw her in Bruno’s(supermarket) a couple of days ago, and she asked about you.”, “Me? How’d my name come up? I barely even know her.”……

Anyway, she went on and on bout how Mona was nice and smart and just finished her masters…and wondered if I would be interested in seeing her. “What? She lookin for somebody?”, “yeah, kinda. Just somebody nice, that she can talk to, and spend time with. You know.”, Yeah, I know alright. Mona wants somebody to pull her dress up for her azz.”, “Boy, hush. She ain’t like that. I told you she’s smart….”
Mona was smart. Quick witted. Articulate…but not for me. It didn’t go anywhere. Never really got off the ground with her. Didn’t even get the chance to pull her dress up either. Heheheh. Oh well.

MsAtl

December 19th, 2013
10:01 am

Morning All!

Have you ever dated someone who you believed was not your match intellectually? Yes, I have.
Did you regret it? I wouldn’t say I regret it, but it was a different experience.

My ex was my match intellectually, but I told him on more than one occasion that he would be great if he used his powers for good, not evil. He used his intelligence to manipulate and harm.

The man I dated was not my match intellectually. While we had some good conversations, there were times that he asked me to use simpler words. While he was definitely smart when it came to his field, I didn’t feel I could share my day/trials with him beyond a certain point.
While being intellectually matched is not the main focus, it is definitely something to think about. You don’t need to have a Ph.D. but you need to have some sort of education and have the ability to understand what I am saying.

2CPTG©

December 19th, 2013
10:16 am

morning…..

book sense vs. common sense…..I’ll take common for $200.

Sassy Me

December 19th, 2013
10:28 am

Have you ever dated someone who you believed was not your match intellectually?

Thankfully no…but I have met a few along the way that were questionable. I don’t think anyone wants to date a person with the IQ of a rock…college degree or not. Plus having a degree doesn’t automatically equate to having intellect…I work with alot of Ph. Ds who demostrate this daily…

DuShawn

December 19th, 2013
10:38 am

“book sense vs. common sense…..I’ll take common…” You don’t have to have a formal education to be intelligent. You don’t have to speak grammatically correct to sound smart. For me, it comes down to ignorance vs. stupidity. Ignorance is simply not knowing. We are all ignorant on some level. Stupidity is not wanting to know or being content with your own ignorance. I could have a relationship with an ignorant chick. I can expose her to the things she does not know. If a chick is stupid, we can’t have a relationship…….we can only have relations.

Reio

December 19th, 2013
10:39 am

All a degree does is say, basically, that, this person, whose name appears herewith, has taken a lot of classes at this university, junior college,….and passed them all. That’s it. That’s all.

What’s inferred, however, by prospective employers, is that, this person is probably a bit sharper than most. And therefore, are willing to give you a chance, based on their assumptions.

A good strong intellect is always good, but having a degree, or, an advanced degree, does not shield one from being, or, becoming, a muthafuggin damn fool. Jus sayin.

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
10:44 am

Morning All!!!

There is a lot that goes into this whole “intellectually matched” thing. Absolutely I need a man with common sense. But I also need someone that’s had a similiar level of exposure and experiences to be able to relate to him. Yes, I’ve known plenty of people that did not go to college, for various reasons. But, they had a natural intellectual curiosity about themselves. They read alot, were up on current and past events, maybe had done some traveling, had training in something even though they did not attend college. They had some life experiences that shaped them in a positive way. They are truly interesting people.

I once briefly dated a guy that was a little challenged intellectually. Sweet guy, but I had to let him go before I pulled out all my hair out of frustration. I could get more interesting conversation out of some 8 year olds than him!

Reio – No, a high school diploma does not carry the same weight that it once did, but there is not jack you can do WITHOUT one. Period point blank. No, college is not for everyone, for various reasons. But no training, certifications or work skills whatsoever in nothing is not going to work for anyone unless you are born wealthy. Even then, you need some basic skills to manage your money and get thru life.

There are certain fields you are not going to be able to participate in without a college degree, no way around it. There are certain fields you don’t need a college degree for but you need training and/or some type of certificate or license or certification in. Then there are fields that you don’t necessarily “need” a degree in, but you are going to have to work your behind off and catch some breaks along the way to get where you want to get faster since you didn’t go to college.

As with many things in life, you can choose the steady, sure path. You will have to pay some dues along the way and make some sacrifices, but you’ll get there. Or you can try some shortcuts – but you’ll still have to pay one way or the other down the line. Or you can fly by the seat of your pants and hope you win the lottery!LOL!!

2CPTG©

December 19th, 2013
10:56 am

I learned everything I need to know, in night school….GED!!!!!!! as so eloquently stated by Chris Rock.

SlimNu

December 19th, 2013
10:57 am

Howdy folks :-) One more day until a 5-day weekend Yuuuup

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
11:01 am

Reio – A college degree shows employers other things as well. It shows you can set a goal and start something and see it thru to completion. You would be surpriseed how many people can’t do this. I’m not talking about folks who started college but could not afford to finish either.

It also indicates a basic level of knowledge and competency in certain fields that on-the-job training won’t provide.

I work in accounting and finance for a telcom company. Some of the clerks that don’t have degrees have been doing their jobs for years and are good at producing widgets the “company way”. There is very little they do that could be transferred to another company because it’s an internal process. Some of them compain about the “college folks with degrees”. They complain and say they spent all that money going to college but can’t do the “job”. The degreed, CPA folk actually understand what the numbers mean. They are not stupid just because they don’t know how to do some internal process. If they lose their job, they can use their certification and skills at any company, unlike those clerks.

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
11:03 am

2C – I’ll take a GED over a ZERO any day of the week!!

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
11:20 am

Come on guys, where are you???!!!!

Reio

December 19th, 2013
11:22 am

Kimmie – I agree. Out of all of the people in the world, the one that I considered to be, and still do, the most intelligent, was my grandfather. My mother’s father. Born in 1905, third grade education, smoked, and rolled, unfiltered cigarettes practically all of his life.

He had more to do with who I am than anybody. Even my mother. My father wasn’t sh!t, he deserted us. Anyway, my grandfather had very good common sense. He was uneducated, but very wise. Hard working, reliable, dependable. And probably just as importantly, predictable. When it comes to women, he’s the one that taught me and my brother that “Yall gon hefta not worry too much bout what them gals be sayin and doin. They’on mean no harm. They’s jus gulls. Gulls gon always be gulls. Jus gits a education. That’s what all yall needs….”

In other words there are certain things about women that we, my brother and I, should try and overlook. Some are smart, some, not quite as sharp, but we need to pay attention, watch, listen and make our minds up about each one we come in contact with. But don’t put them down, or look down on them just because they may not see things the same way we did. “Ain’t nuthin wrong wit schoolin.”

After all “Gulls gon always be gulls.” Hehehehehe….

disco

December 19th, 2013
11:22 am

good morning. this is definitely a “relative” topic. we are all smarter than some and dumber than others. education has it’s place but at the end of the day all it means is that you didn’t quit. you could have graduated (high school or college) with a 1.0. the point is you didn’t fail so you passed. education doesn’t necessarily equal smart. sure the fact that you didn’t quit could mean you set a goal and followed through or it could mean you were the kid who went to school just for free breakfast and lunch. or, in the case of college, you stayed in just so you could cash those tuition refund checks each semester. as for common sense, every one has it. the issue is that what’s common for one isn’t common for all.

having said all that – heck naw I don’t have time for no ding dong dumb azz dude. uggh. it’s bad enough I tolerate a few friends and family members who are almost a waste of skin.

disco

December 19th, 2013
11:25 am

I have met a few dudes who have been through bankruptcy and consequently put bankruptcy on my deal breaker list. yeah I know there can be extenuating circumstances leading to bankruptcy BUT if you end up filing bankruptcy just because your reading comprehension is off and you sign some mess you should not have signed, well, you are not the one for me.

disco

December 19th, 2013
11:26 am

if you haven’t read a book since you finished high school (and have the nerve to not be ashamed to admit that fact) I’m not going to call you dumb but I am going to say that you are not the one for me.

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
11:32 am

a waste of skin.

Disco – LOL!!! That is funny. Yeah they are family so you gotta tolerate them, but a dude? No way could I imagine you with a dummy, no way.

What you said also about all this being “relative” is so right! I saw some of all you mentioned along the way. Thing is, just hope that 1.0, thank you Lawdy grad is not your accountant or your attorney. That 1.0 won’t get you in medical school though, thankfully!!LOL!!

Sometimes too, you can plan and train and do all you can, but you can’t control good breaks or good luck!

disco

December 19th, 2013
11:36 am

kimmie – my grandma would say they ain’t worth the spit it would take to cuss them. lol.

I’ve mentioned having one friend who talks like archie bunker. what I mean by that is every now and again she tries to use a big word but she always messes it up. it’s close enough that you know what she means but I stopped shaking my head a long time ago. sometimes you have to take folks as they come.

Reio

December 19th, 2013
11:40 am

I guess I’ve always been somewhat on the cerebral side. Even back in college, I didn’t party nearly as much as my peers. I enjoyed all of the many ’skull’ sessions that me and a few dorm mates would have on a regular basis. Believe it or not, we predicted the downfall of the Soviet Union, long before it happened. Not taking credit for it, of course. But we expected it to come crashing down, and it did.

We weren’t bookworms, mind you. We got out and pulled our share of dresses up, just like the other fellas, but we tended to gravitate towards the more intellectual ladies and spend time with them, cause it was, for me anyway, more fulfilling. Hell, use your mind. That’s what God gave it to you for.

disco

December 19th, 2013
11:43 am

reio – not to be contrary but that’s what God gave you other body parts for too. lol. ijs.

disco

December 19th, 2013
11:46 am

kimmie – speaking of medical school. let’s be real. do any blog folks resort to old school, passed down home remedies for anything? I know plenty of people who set more store by home remedies that “new-fangled” over priced medicine.

Reio

December 19th, 2013
11:46 am

disco – Yeah. and I used every part I was blessed with. Some, more than others. Gon keep on using them too. Hehehehe…. Use it till the sh!t falls off or stops working altogether.

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
11:49 am

Disco – Not to be contrary, but he gave you all the body parts to use. So don’t let the mind sit dormate while you wear the rest of your body out! If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it!LOL! :)

disco

December 19th, 2013
11:49 am

reio – when it falls off or stops working maybe you can chime in on the toy topic. do you throw in the towel or do you go buy a replacement? ijs. lol.

Reio

December 19th, 2013
11:51 am

disco – No, seems like the old school, home remedies have kinda fallen by the wayside. I remember Turpentine, Cod liver oil, Epsom salt,…..all faded with the old folks. Never to return.

Reio

December 19th, 2013
11:52 am

disco – What kind of replacement?

YesSheIsCute

December 19th, 2013
11:53 am

@disco I don’t really know any home remedies for much…but when I was younger the adults used to do home remedies on us for almost everything.

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
11:53 am

Disco – Coming from a medical family, I have a healthy respect for both. My dad was frank about everything and let us know what home remedies to use and when. But for some stuff, home remedies are just not gonna work and for those things I respect science. That’s what I got good insurance for.

disco

December 19th, 2013
11:55 am

kimmie – that’s just it though. relativity remember? just because they aren’t using their minds in a way that we (whoever “we” is) deem fit doesn’t mean they aren’t using them. some folks really be figuring and pondering and scratching their heads over the most mundane things. mundane to me? complicated to them. lol. ijs.

Reio

December 19th, 2013
11:55 am

disco – I think I know what you’re asking. Ahhh, yeah. Hell. I’ll do whatever I/she needs to get off, and put us to sleep. I’on give a damn. Never did.

disco

December 19th, 2013
12:00 pm

y’all can’t imagine the giggles I’m having in my mind re some folks who just come off as dumb. It takes all kinds. I’m fairly certainly if you polled folks who know me and asked them to use one word to describe me, dumb wouldn’t be the word. now I might get some other negative words (I won’t go into all that – lol) but not dumb.

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
12:08 pm

Disco – While we all might have a “brain fart” every now and then, if one has to ponder over mundane things on a regular basis, I would say they are “slow”.

Yeah, it’s relative. And it’s someone for everyone. The one you call slow someone might love them for their “deepness”.LOL!!

I prefer the one that gets more use from their brain though.

Reio

December 19th, 2013
12:08 pm

I can remember one young lady I met in college. Had the same chemistry class. Sat next to each other in the auditorium. Gave me her dorm room number, so I could call her after the next class session, cause she was going to miss it. And wanted to meet with me to get the class notes for that day. We met and I gave her the notes, and she asked if it would be ok if she could call me from time to time. I agreed, of course. Hell, I thought she wanted me to eventually pull her little dress up for her. It never came to that(sh!t), but we talked quite a lot. Very enlightening and fulfilling conversations. She was a very very bright young lady. Can’t remember her name though. Would have gladly pulled her dress up too, if she wanted me to. She never really went in that direction, during our conversations. But each one was refreshing and pleasant.

disco

December 19th, 2013
12:12 pm

kimmie – you sound like nephew tommy. “that ain’t deep, that’s stupid”. lol.

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
12:20 pm

Disco – LOL!!! Speaking of Nephew Tommy, he went over the top with one of his prank calls the other day. It was actually a 2-parter. He mailed this woman some men’s drawers and rose petals. Then called her a week later, talking about how he sent them and has been “watching and admiring” her from afar(stalking). How he wanted to show her how he felt. She went off, talking about the week of hell she’s been going thru with her husband, trying to explain she has no idea where the drawers came from. He says he apologizes that he didn’t know she was married, but please can she send him a pair of her panties!!LOL!! She is going off!! Finally, he told her who he was and that her sister planned the whole thing!

That was risky, cause they didn’t know what husband might would have done! I just knew her husband had to have been in on it, but he wasn’t!!

disco

December 19th, 2013
12:27 pm

kimmie – I heard that one and the one that he played trying to tell that boy he wasn’t graduating. that boy went through all the emotions on that call. he was cool, calm and collected trying to reason with tommy then he went straight hood to I will whoop your… and then he was almost ready to cry. yeah. tommy gone mess around and prank the wrong one.

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
12:30 pm

Yeah, they replayed the graduation one this morning. I got his first cd set of prank calls he put out a few years ago.

Single and Happy

December 19th, 2013
12:30 pm

Hello everyone

Intellectually matched, yes I’ve been on the other end of that spectrum. Sometimes it sort of a stereotype. My ex acted like I was beneath her because I don’t have college degree, yet this same chick couldn’t follow directions to go around the block (LOL)

LeeH1

December 19th, 2013
12:33 pm

I never date women who don’t have books in the house, either by the bed or on bookshelves. Women who don’t read and constantly learn don’t interest me.

One of the first things I do when I visit a woman’s home is to scope out her bookshelf, and see what kind of person she is by the things she reads. More information about a personality can be found by seeing their reading habits than by the experience of a number of different dates.

And remember, dull women usually marry dull men and have dull children. Lots of ‘em!

kimmie

December 19th, 2013
12:37 pm

Single – I won’t lie, I’m not the best with directions either. But I got sense enough not to look down on anyone, especially one that could help me find my way!lol. A wall full of college degrees won’t help me if I’m lost….. :)

disco

December 19th, 2013
12:39 pm

lee – I get the point of your post. I really do. still it sounds “robert-esque”. lol. just because one is reading doesn’t mean they are reading anything of substance. they could have a shelf full of what I call “junk books”. would that matter to you or do you at least have to approve of what they are reading? and dull, marrying dull and having dull, well I suppose that could be true but it could just as easily not be true. and what does dull have to do with how many kids someone has? ijs.

single – dingbats abound.

Single and Happy

December 19th, 2013
12:40 pm

Kimmie I hope you’re not as bad as her. She didn’t know if you went south somewhere you had to go north to get back. Like 2C stated, give me common sense over book sense any day

disco

December 19th, 2013
12:41 pm

single – re the blue collar / no collar man. just this morning on my drive in there was a construction crew out getting it in. in my mind I had a flash of how my construction working man would leave home in the morning with an old school flip top lunchbox with the metal clasp. and time permitting, I’d be the chick swinging by the site at lunch time with a plate. what? lol.

SlimNu

December 19th, 2013
12:42 pm

O/T: Guys, when you are single, what’s the average number of different chicks would you says is typically in the bed rotation?