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Dating: New relationship paradox

The dating game can be really fun but we all know how quickly it can turn into some drama. The fun part is when two people connect and have great chemistry. The drama happens when a person feels entitled to a relationship even when the other person clearly shows that they are not interested in the same.

I know a lot of people preach to singles about starting out as friends first and taking things slow, but if you ever wonder about how your best relationships start, check your dating history.

Some people have started out as hook up buddies and it got serious. Others put a lot of time and energy on focusing on building a “solid” foundation so the relationship had the best chance of survival. The reality is that I have seen relationships start in many ways and still manage to be a healthy and happy one.

My friend Ray told me his best relationship was with a woman who approached him and asked him out. Yet he still claims that women that take the lead are not his type. So, he would rather not have that happen again even though he considers his ex the prototype.

If you think about the best relationship you ever had, how did it start? Have you considered repeating history so that the next great relationship you have can begin with that blueprint?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

142 comments Add your comment

lee

December 17th, 2013
6:57 am

If you think about the best relationship you ever had, how did it start? Have you considered repeating history so that the next great relationship you have can begin with that blueprint?
Well since my best relationship ended i would not call that success. They say if you want different results do something different. I find that some people are just lucky they are in the right spot at the right time so it is not so much were you met that matters, it matters where you are both going…

Single & Happy

December 17th, 2013
7:53 am

Hey everyone!

My best relationship started out as friendship and turned into a relationship. I consider them successes because every relationship isn’t going to end in marriage, they are life lessons that hopefully you learned a little more about yourself.

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
8:20 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

If you think about the best relationship you ever had, how did it start? It was strictly and purely COINCIDENCE!!! I was home from college on Christmas Break & my mom suspected that we had a carbon monoxide leak in the house. So she called the Health Dept/Environmental Services to send someone out to check. I had plans to go hangout with my friends, but my mom asked me to stay home & wait on the inspector because she had a funeral to go to. (Really mom, you didn’t know about the funeral before you arranged the appointment!)

Anyway, he literally knocked on my front door and as soon as I opened it I was like WOW, where have you been my whole life, LOL! Of course I played it cool & needless to say, he asked for my number before he left. He called later that evening, we talked on the phone for hours & long story short, that was the start of a beautiful relationship!

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
8:21 am

I don’t know how to re-create a coincidental meeting. Some things are just meant to happen!!! ;-)

SlimNu

December 17th, 2013
8:43 am

Moni – Awwwww, sounds like a Tyler Perry movie :lol:

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
8:46 am

-Slim Thanks. Sometimes I wonder if that was a once in a lifetime moment, or will I meet my guy that way again. I’m not the type to force things, I love when things naturally come together. It allows me to see the beauty in how God works things out!!! :-D

SlimNu

December 17th, 2013
9:00 am

Moni – So how long did that relationship last and what ultimately ended up causing it to end?

disco

December 17th, 2013
9:06 am

good morning.

I have to say my best was a guy that I picked up at the gym about 15 years ago. I know – kind of cliché – but back in the day I was sort of a gym rat and I’d been eyeballing dude for awhile. apparently he wasn’t checking for me or maybe he really didn’t notice me but I’ve never been one to let that stop me (at least not back then – lol). I stepped to him at a weight machine, we chatted, exchanged numbers and ended up going out for some time. of course, this was before I was “ready” and ultimately he went on and married the next chick that he’s still married to today. for a long time I didn’t try to recreate the guy or how we met but I spent a lot of time hoping to recreate the “feeling”.

would I use the same approach again? yep. I’ve never been shy about stepping to men and I’ve never been on that let a man approach me mess. I get it and I understand it and all but I’m on team “closed mouth don’t get fed” when it comes to saying what you want. I’d much rather approach one man that I think I want than have to reject a dozen men that I don’t want to be bothered with.

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
9:11 am

-Slim It lasted a couple of years. I caused it to end, due to becoming pregnant by the guy I was cheating with. I know young and dumb, but I lived and definitely LEARNED!!!

-Disco Nothing like meeting a really good guy and not being ready. . .

SlimNu

December 17th, 2013
9:15 am

Moni – wow…do you and Mr. Wonderful ever talk anymore?

disco

December 17th, 2013
9:16 am

moni – my 20s were chock full of good guys. my 30s had me looking around like it was the apocalypse. no idea what to expect out of 40s but I do know to keep my expectations in check lol.

MsAtl

December 17th, 2013
9:18 am

Morning All!

Moni- Wow! I met my last guy the same way, except that he had come to do some work in my basement. I had asked a friend if he knew anyone who could do the work and the next evening someone was knocking at my front door. It seemed took me a minute when he asked if we could continue to talk after the work was done, but I said yes and we talked for 3 months before we began dating.

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
9:28 am

-Slim He actually called to check on me a few weeks ago. He’s married now with 3 kids and seems to be enjoying his life, like I am mine. He’s the one who asked me to come to his mom’s funeral 2 years ago. I can honestly say that I’m over him, however I believe that we’ll always care.

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
9:30 am

-Disco LOL at “my 30s had me looking around like it was the apocalypse”. I’m 34 and I totally understand that statement!!!

-MsAtl Like I said, I truly believe that some things are just meant to be. You will meet the person you’re supposed to at just the right time! ;-)

Kat

December 17th, 2013
9:34 am

@Miss Moni: Funerals are not changeable things; neither are carbon monoxide leaks that can cause death to the residents!

disco

December 17th, 2013
9:36 am

moni – that statement is the truth. brothers were locked up (literally and figuratively) in the 30s. I’ve joked that 30s is the decade of waiting. waiting for them to get out of jail or their momma’s house (lol), waiting for them to get divorced, waiting for them to grow up. I could go on.

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
9:37 am

-Kat That I do know, which is why I said it was coincidental.

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
9:38 am

-Disco Waiting in the 30’s is an understatement, story of my life, LOL!!!

Kat

December 17th, 2013
9:39 am

I was referring to your bashing your mom regarding the double-booking.

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
9:41 am

-Kat It was a sarcastic joke.

SlimNu

December 17th, 2013
9:45 am

Moni – Gotcha ;-)

MsAtl

December 17th, 2013
9:46 am

Disco- ” waiting for them to get out of jail or their momma’s house (lol), waiting for them to get divorced, waiting for them to grow up. I could go on.”
Wow! You may be on to something there…

disco

December 17th, 2013
9:49 am

atl – just my observations. if anyone has any observations on the 40s, please post them. lol.

SlimNu

December 17th, 2013
10:13 am

Well, I guess that about sums that up (topic)….our blog suffers from premature commentation :lol:

YesSheIsCute

December 17th, 2013
10:16 am

The best relationship that I’ve had thus far was with my ex from Texas. We probably would have gotten married but I really couldn’t get with the idea of forsaking all others for him for the rest of my life. However our partnership was great, he respected me, he was romantic, he was thoughtful, we enjoyed each other, I learned a lot from him and he learned a lot from me. He’s the reason I no longer am gung ho about having kids. Prior to him, all I wanted to do was have kids. Anyway, I met him online, but I don’t know if history necessarily repeats itself….

Leggs

December 17th, 2013
10:21 am

MissMoni ~ that was an eye opener for any relationship. Do you regret, not regret because you have a child, but do you wish….never mind, you have a daughter out of it all and that was a blessing.

I enjoyed my 40’s. Body was tight, I had peace of mind, but I still found the men to be callous, shallow, pushy right out the gate looking for someone to take care of them or support a particular dream they have. I’m not sure what the culprit is, but I’ve met a good 3 men w/o cars or the inability to drive either due to a DUI, car in shop (been nearly a month), or just down own their own wheels. I have 2 gf’s w/o cars and that is weird too. All I can say is dating is weird.

Good morning.

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
10:26 am

-Leggs I actually get what you were trying to say. I’ve learned that I don’t have regrets in life, just learning experiences. As the saying goes, when you know better, you do better. :-)

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
10:28 am

-Leggs On the topic of grown adults not having cars, that is a bit weird, especially if they live in the South, which is not equally equipped with full-time public transportation as the North. Do your gf’s plan on getting a car at any point?

Sassy Me

December 17th, 2013
10:48 am

On the topic of grown adults not having cars, that is a bit weird, especially if they live in the South

When I used to live downtown it wasn’t a problem b/c I was walking distance from 3 different MARTA stations but when I bought my house having a car was a must b/c I live in Clay Co. I feel bad for people(especially women w/children and elderly) standing at bus stops sometimes…more so in the colder months.

I couldn’t imagine wanting to go somewhere and having to “catch a ride” or have someone drive me around like Ms. Daisy…

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
10:54 am

-Sassy My point EXACTLY!!! If don’t live by a MARTA station, then you’re either spending money on a taxi cab OR depending on someone to give you a ride OR just stuck in the house.

MsAtl

December 17th, 2013
10:56 am

Leggs- I must say I find that weird also. My last guy picked up 3 of his workers on a regular basis because they either didn’t have cars or didn’t have driver’s licenses.

As far as dating, one guy (60 years old) wanted to move too fast, asking to meet my family within a month and another (37 years old) found out I was older than him and said “so that means don’t step to you with any games huh?” to which I replied yes. We had a few phone conversations but never made it to a first date because he would text and say he would call at a certain time but not call. After 2 times, I was done.

Leggs

December 17th, 2013
10:59 am

Do your gf’s plan on getting a car at any point? – No, these two do not. One is 15 and the other is 43. They see no reason in learning how to drive at their ages. That’s why I’m limited when I want to hang out with them because I have to pick them up and drop them off. Hell, I have to worry about myself getting home safely, and 8x out of 10 not in the mood to worry about another. I learned how to drive here, didn’t need a car back home, but I’d be damn if I had to depend on taxis and friends to get me from A to B. I hate being on someone else’s dime!

Sassy Me

December 17th, 2013
11:05 am

My last guy picked up 3 of his workers on a regular basis because they either didn’t have cars or didn’t have driver’s licenses.

I hope they at leasat compensated him for his gas/time…

he would text and say he would call at a certain time but not call.

He just showed his age…and that stunt was dumb. Maybe he thought you’d be panting, waiting by the phone…or at least hoped you would. I’ve also met guys who’ve tried similar tactics b/c they wanted to be chased…chile puhleaze.

SlimNu

December 17th, 2013
11:07 am

On the car front, I must say that I’ve been blessed with some wheels to drive even when I didn’t have my own car. Family members just so happened to have an extra ride that I could use until I got another vehicle….so I was super excited when I finally got my own set of wheels. I couldn’t imagine having to stand at the bus stop or try to do some shopping and have to tote all that mess around. Thank the lawd for 4 dependable wheels aaaamen!

MsAtl

December 17th, 2013
11:12 am

Sassy- Nope! They did not and I told him it was not good business sense to keep hiring folks without their own transportation. On one hand, he was trying to help them, but on the other, it subtracts from your profits.

I don’t know whether he wanted to be chased, but I certainly was not going to chase him. Because he had given me his number, I obviously made the first call. I suggested that we meet for coffee and he said he had to check his schedule at work. My view is that if you are interested, you will pursue. Otherwise, I assume you are just blowing smoke.

MsAtl

December 17th, 2013
11:13 am

SlimNu- ” Family members just so happened to have an extra ride that I could use ”
Lucky you! I dreamed that I lost my car and had to borrow my nephew’s Little Tykes truck to get up and down the highway. I woke up madder than a wet hen that nobody would loan me a car when I knew someone had to have an extra sitting in their garage.

SlimNu

December 17th, 2013
11:16 am

MsAtl – “Madder than a wet hen”? lololol Yeah my pops let me borrow his Explorer but you better believe I took over the insurance and had to get a $500 brake job…so it was not free and clear. lol

Leggs

December 17th, 2013
11:21 am

I meant one is 51….

Mrs. SexyCool

December 17th, 2013
11:21 am

Leggs – you meant 51, right? :-)

Mrs. SexyCool

December 17th, 2013
11:21 am

lol…gotcha..

Sassy Me

December 17th, 2013
11:21 am

My view is that if you are interested, you will pursue. Otherwise, I assume you are just blowing smoke.

True..

Mrs. SexyCool

December 17th, 2013
11:21 am

My best relationship…I met him at a bar.

Leggs

December 17th, 2013
11:25 am

“I woke up madder than a wet hen that nobody would loan me a car when I knew someone had to have an extra sitting in their garage.” – You should have been mad at having to ride a Little Tykes truck, but thankful you could get your grown self in it!

Leggs

December 17th, 2013
11:29 am

SassyMe ~ that’s my stance. Show me interest and we can pursue each other. I will not be calling you all the time and all you do is return a phone call. Me no can do.

MsAtl

December 17th, 2013
11:30 am

Leggs- Lolol. That was one crazy dream! Those things aren’t even motorized. I told my sister in law the dream so she bought her son one for Christmas- just in case. She got jokes!!!

Leggs

December 17th, 2013
11:39 am

MsAtl ~ :lol: :lol: :lol: I would have done the same thing. Seriously!

Sassy Me

December 17th, 2013
11:40 am

Leggs, it definitely has to be a two way street, because no one likes to feel as though they’re doing all of the work and expending the most effort.

But as I’ve said and experienced, some men want to be chased. I had one guy tell me that(really he did) and I abruptly stopped calling him RIGHT after that convo. I let him chase me for a little while until he got the point…that I was no longer interested in him or foolish games.

Mrs. SexyCool

December 17th, 2013
11:41 am

DEAR ABBY: I recently went on a first (and last) date with a “gentleman.” He ordered himself a beer and a prime rib dinner. He never asked me if I wanted anything to eat or drink.
As flabbergasted as I was, I have a theory: Men today are different from those of the past, and my guess it’s because the pierced and tattooed gals today speak and act like sailors, therefore ruining it for the rest of us. Am I right? — PUZZLED IN FLORIDA

Huh? What kind of doormat sits at a table with someone that she is supposed to be on a date with watches them eat and drink, but says nothing?

And isn’t it understand that if we are on a date WE are BOTH eating?!?!?!?

Miss Moni

December 17th, 2013
11:47 am

-Mrs. SexyCool I’m reading the Dear Abby letter like this can’t be real, SMH!!! I don’t personally know any woman who would’ve did that! I like to eat wayyyy to much to watch my “date” eat and drink while I just sit there hungry. The waiter usually takes the woman’s order first, so did he just jump in and place his order and say that will be all??? I need more details, LOL!!!

Mrs. SexyCool

December 17th, 2013
11:50 am

Good point, Miss Moni. Can’t be real…