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Dating: Stress-free holiday?

This time of year is supposed to be fun and relaxing. Everyone is in a good mood and a couple of days off should bring good cheer. So why are so many people stressing over what to buy their significant other?

It is especially hard when they aren’t truly that significant…yet. How do you figure out the most appropriate thing to do with your new love? Should you really talk about gift exchange? Are you obligated to spend leisure time with them if you had plans that were made way before you met them?

Sandra, a 31 year old from Alpharetta said that she had booked and paid for a ski trip with friends when she was still single. She did not expect to have a new man in her life and now he is making her feel bad for missing their “first” holiday apart. Would you cancel a trip that you had already planned to take to make your new love feel important?

Then there is the dreaded feeling of give a gift that is waaaay over the top compared to what they gave you. Do you think a price limit should be set on gifts so that this doesn’t happen?

How do you take the stress out of your holiday dating?! Please say drinking is involved. I can get on board with that kind of tip.

Happy Friday!!!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

152 comments Add your comment

lee

December 13th, 2013
6:37 am

1. Sandra go on your trip. He needs to put on his big boy pants, if he is so upset why doesn’t he look into going with you.

2. Do what you want with gifts. You know its the thought that counts or it should be. You are not supposed to say, i gave you $100 give and you gave me a $20.00 gift. Do something for someone because YOU want to.

3. I do not Stress out at the holidays.

4. I never stressed out buying a gift for my partner, i knew what he wanted , if you know someone it should not be that hard.

5. Thank GOD its Friday!!!!

Single and Happy

December 13th, 2013
7:30 am

Hey all

First Sandra’s new man needs to get a life!! But if she decides not to go, I hope ole boy is willing to reimburse her.

Diva why can’t these people recognize control issues??

Stress over the holidays? Nah us scrooges don’t do that.

When I do give a gift, it’s because I want to, not for what I’m going to get in return.

Button

December 13th, 2013
8:27 am

Sandra go on your trip. The new beau will be ok. No need to offer for him to come along just tell him you wish he could be there and leave it at that. I wouldn’t put a trip off for a new beau, esp if plans were made before him.
I’m with Single, it appears the new guy has control issues.

Would you cancel a trip that you had already planned to take to make your new love feel important? Nope. I would however tell him how I wish he was coming blah blah blah kissy kissy kissy to smooth things over.

Good morning!

MsAtl

December 13th, 2013
8:40 am

Morning All!

She should go on the trip. It was planned and paid for prior to him; they can plan to do something when she returns.

I give whatever gift I want to give. If it is a new relationship, chances are you are not going to give an over the top gift anyway.

Hmmm, a margarita or a glass of Roscato will relieve holiday stress and they are in keeping with Christmas colors too.

Check you all out later.

Miss Moni

December 13th, 2013
8:40 am

“if she decides not to go, I hope ole boy is willing to reimburse her.”

BINGO!!! If he plans on staying around, then there will be more holidays to share together. He should be understanding and/or compensating. Asking Sandra to miss her trip & NOT offering a reimbursement is pure selfish!!! Sandra if you’re reading this, and he hasn’t even suggested anything about what I previously mentioned, go on your trip and have the time of your life!!!

disco

December 13th, 2013
8:51 am

good morning.

single – scrooges unite!!!!

moni – re your advice to Sandra. you should have added “go on your trip, have the time of your life AND FIND A NEW MAN WHILE YOU ARE THERE”. lol.

Button

December 13th, 2013
8:58 am

disco- hahahah I like that idea! she should find an new man clearly the new one is a bit controlling and a big ol baby at that!

Miss Moni

December 13th, 2013
9:00 am

Thanks Disco for adding that in, LOL!!!

Reio

December 13th, 2013
9:02 am

Morning All!

“…….and now he is making her feel bad for missing their “first” holiday apart……”

What? Really? Sandra should tell him to roast in hell. And take his mama wit’em.

. This fella is nothing more than a manipulating, control freak. She should run, not walk, away from him. Just think about it for a minute. They meet, talk, go out, seem to have something going, but not quite that familiar with each other. Yet, he has the audacity to say or do something that makes her feel bad about going on a trip that she had planned, with friends, before she ever met him.

During this phase of a relationship, people tend to be on their best behavior. He is already telegraphing the fact that he wants to control her, and wants to replace her friends with himself.
I can just imagine what this relationship will be like a year from now. He’ll be telling her what to wear, where to go, “Shine my shoes”, “Wipe my butt”, “Kiss my feet”, “Go to Wendy’s and get me a triple with extra onions”, “Yo azz put too much sugar in the Kool-Aid”, “Run my bath water, heffa”, “This damn kitchen floor needs mopping…” Dump his stankin azz now!! Worthless fugga.

2CPTG©

December 13th, 2013
9:08 am

glad I don’t have this problem!!!!

but ummm, If I were to buy you an expensive gift, and you gave me some cheap drug store cologne (referencing disco’s post from yesterday talkin bout the 1/5 compromise) I’ll just chalk it up to “yo ass ain’t gettin sh!t in the future!”

Button

December 13th, 2013
9:11 am

Reio – you’re so illustrative :)

How long have they been together for this dude to even utter a word about her going on a trip? some information is missing but I’ll take a guess of less than 3 months. Still for the guy to give her gripe about going on a trip, making her feel bad about the “first” holiday is controlling and childish. He appears needy too.

SlimNu

December 13th, 2013
9:12 am

Um, girl go on with your trip…I can almost bet that if the situation was on the other foot, he’d leave your ass and see ya when he got back. lolol I wouldn’t even fix my mouth to even propose something like that that was already planned prior to our courtship. Matter of fact, I was in this very same situation…buddy already had a Vegas trip planned and you best believe he carried his little happy self right on to Vegas. However, he did make sure he called me often and let me know he was having fun but looking forward to seeing me upon his rtn. That’s all I could’ve asked for

Button

December 13th, 2013
9:24 am

are they even in a relationship or are they just dating? there are so many questions. I don’t even see why Sandra is even entertaining this guy and his temper tantrums. At least she has a clue of what kind of guy she’s comng back to.

Reio

December 13th, 2013
9:30 am

…..now he is making her feel bad for missing their “first” holiday apart…..”

Sounds like he has already gotten to Sandra. He’s not “trying” to make her feel bad, he, “IS making her feel bad…”

Well, just a word or two about Sandra. Wonder why she’s feeling so bad? Hell, they don’t really know each other yet. Haven’t had the chance to gauge one another’s personalities yet. But she feels bad nonetheless. I suppose it’s possible, just guessing here, that they have already been intimate, and dude is “packin sho nuff”. Perhaps she is concerned that he may elect to forego the relationship, if she goes on the trip, and she won’t have access to his truly wonderful, fantastic, and massive wang.
It’s just a thought. Maybe a stretch. I don’t know. Just wondering. Da hell she feelin so bad about?

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
9:30 am

She did not expect to have a new man in her life and now he is making her feel bad for missing their “first” holiday apart. Would you cancel a trip that you had already planned to take to make your new love feel important

Ummm, can’t he book a flight and tag along? Why the extreme? I mean can’t he camp out on the couch (if it’s a lodge), if she’s in the room with others…oooooor change up the bunking arrangement? This is a really easy one.

Whoo hoo, I’m headed for vacay for two weeks. My plans were set a few months ago :mrgreen: Countdown….

Button

December 13th, 2013
9:33 am

SlimNu- you got that right! dude would go on his trip. I’ve been thru that a couple of times. The guy had a trip planned, he went and how could I even fix my mouth to ask him not to go. One went on a cruise and told me all about it when he got back. I didn’t feel no kind of way about it, shoot we were just dating. There was the one who had a trip planned to los cabos and asked me if I would like to come. Even though we’ve been dating for a while I declined the invitation bc I wasn’t ready to take a trip with him just yet. Plus that was in mexico and I was too far from home to be with a guy I hardly knew that well, even well enough to take a trip with.

One the flip side I don’t like when the relationship ends and we had trip planned. The awkwardness of going on a trip with an ex.

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
9:34 am

Y’all are hilarious. Diva’s post said nothing about ole boy being insecure, jealous, a big baby nothing. It just said Sandra is enjoying this new love so much, that she hates he can’t get in on the fun of a trip already booked. That’s what I heard. Her new dude ain’t even mentioned and y’all ragged on him. SMH

AFGF

December 13th, 2013
9:34 am

I agree with everyone. It was impossible to know when planning the trip that a new boo would come along. I had a similar issue but it was not around Christmas or a holiday. I had a trip planned to the Cayman Islands before me and my guy started dating. Luckily, there was no drama. I went solo and had a blast!

Leggs

December 13th, 2013
9:36 am

Should you really talk about gift exchange? – I see nothing wrong with talking about it. However, if you feel compelled to get the new person in your life a small gift, do so w/o expecting anything in return if you’re truly compelled. If gifts are exchanged in a new relationship, they don’t need to be extravagant, perhaps some cologne, perfume or a special night out on that person’s dime.

Are you obligated to spend leisure time with them if you had plans that were made way before you met them? – The operative word here is obligated. You’re not obligated to anyone. But back to the question. NO. For him to adamantly state his displeasure and attempt to make her feel bad over plans she made before even knowing him is preposterous. I would let him wallow in his dismay all by his lonesome self and go about my plans. Not saying I’m not concerned about his feeling, but after telling him my plans upfront and he still attempts to crap on my plans, I doubt we would go much further. If he’s having a hissy fit because they are not spending their first Christmas together he needs to get some business and find something to do. To make someone feel bad over plans already in place is childish and reeks of control.

Good morning.

Button

December 13th, 2013
9:37 am

Sandra should not have to change her plans around to accomdate some crying dude Point. Blank. Period. He need to have several seats somewhere in the corner, face the corner.

Button

December 13th, 2013
9:39 am

Celisea – what part of he is making her feel bad did you miss? Clearly he’s not making her feel good about her planned trip.

Leggs

December 13th, 2013
9:42 am

“Diva’s post said nothing about ole boy being insecure, jealous, a big baby nothing” – Yes, it did, Celisea. “…and now he is making her feel bad for missing their “first” holiday apart.”

For me that implies more than one comment has been made about her trip. To try and make one feel bad over a trip planned before you were in the picture is acting like a big baby. There are many degrees of having tantrum and I sense he’s have a big baby adult one. Perhaps he mentioned his displeasure only once and that one statement has her feeling bad, but I doubt it. I get the sense he’s throwing salt in the wound he purposely opened up.

Reio

December 13th, 2013
9:43 am

Celisea – Actually her new dude IS mentioned, when Sandra tells dive that “… he is making her feel bad for missing their “first” holiday apart….”.

“….It just said Sandra is enjoying this new love so much, that she hates he can’t get in on the fun of a trip already booked..”

What? Where’d you read this? Can’t find that part in the post.

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
9:47 am

I took that to mean things are great. I didn’t take that to mean he’s playing ahead game, a boob, a crybaby. I don’t see him having a tantrum. Like I said, apparently they’re having a grand ole time, and danggit she’s gon be gone for a minute…..he’s gonna miss him and she’s feeling bad cause she’s having an equally good time.

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
9:48 am

But she feels bad nonetheless. I suppose it’s possible, just guessing here, that they have already been intimate, and dude is “packin sho nuff”

Well Reio, I shole didn’t get all of this out of it….lololol

SlimNu

December 13th, 2013
9:49 am

Leggs

December 13th, 2013
9:49 am

Things can’t be great when you make a person feel bad.

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
9:50 am

I beg to differ. If things are going great and you have to put a break in that to get away, I can see feeling bad.

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
9:51 am

But hey, to each his own (interpretation)….

kimmie

December 13th, 2013
9:55 am

Morning Gang!!

Would you cancel a trip that you had already planned to take to make your new love feel important?

In a word, No. Cause like a few of you have said, you best believe if he already had something planned, the thought would never occur to him to cancel just cause he met her. Even if he offered to reimburse me the answer would be no. She booked the trip months in advance so you know it’s somewhere nice. It wouldn’t be about the money for me, it’s the experience. If nobody else is bringing their boo and it’s just a girls trip, naw he can’t go either. My hubs and I had been dating 3 months when our first Christmas rolled around and he had already planned a trip to Florida with his family. We spent New Years together when he got back. I went to Florida with them the following year. :) Dude needs to chill. If things work out, they’ll be planning a holiday trip together next year if he plays his cards right. But right now, he’s not playing with a full deck!lol!

Diva why can’t these people recognize control issues??

Single – My sentiments too, especially when CONTROL is in big flashing red lights!!LOL!!

Leggs

December 13th, 2013
9:55 am

I don’t stress over the holidays. I have one child I buy for, no grandchildren, siblings grown, don’t buy for friends anymore. Well, I do buy for one friend and then there’s Mama. That’s it (3 people). I will invite friends to my house for dinner and that is a gift in itself since I’m paying for all the food.

Reio

December 13th, 2013
9:56 am

Celisea – Well, I’m just trying to figure why Sandra would feel so bad. The trip was already planned, yet he is making her feel bad about going? In other words, he actually said something to make her feel bad about going. The “packin sho nuff” comment was just my, apparently failed, attempt to arrive at a plausible explanation as to why Sandra feels so bad, in such a new relationship. That’s all.

Button

December 13th, 2013
9:57 am

bahhhh humbug!

YesSheIsCute

December 13th, 2013
9:59 am

Good morning! I know I’m late but I had a first thing in the morning meeting.

Anyway Sandra’s beau is wilin. She paid for the trip he’s just going to have to understand. Why should she cancel the trip (which is probably non-refundable) all because of a fluffed out propogated meaning of a holiday? They can do something better when I get back. The end.

I usually don’t have problems with gift giving when it comes to significant others (if I have any around that time). I try to get them something that they mentioned in the past that they liked or would like to get. It’s the thought that counts. I had one problem last Christmas…obviously because I broke up with him and became single. Wow in 7 days I’ll be single a whole year….

kimmie

December 13th, 2013
10:03 am

Cel – That’s another way to look at it!

New Dude: Dang baby, I’m really enjoying spending time with you. Sho wish you weren’t leaving in a week!

Sandra – I know! I was looking forward to chillin with my homies in Vail, but being up there in them cold mountains without you to cuddle up next too isn’t sounding real inviting now! Dang Boo, you look so sad with those puppy dog eyes!

New Dude – Imma miss you gurl!!!

:lol:

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
10:04 am

Honestly Kimmie, that’s how I took it.

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
10:05 am

Maybe how we interpretated is a reflection of love (or not) in our lived :mrgreen:

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
10:05 am

lives…I meant

Maybe some folks only saw grimm cause, well, IJS…….ha ha ha, I kid I kid

Miss Moni

December 13th, 2013
10:09 am

I’ve never seen the point in stressing over the holidays. They are meant to be relaxing and peaceful. I don’t surround myself with people that are going to take away from that.

kimmie

December 13th, 2013
10:10 am

Cel – I think it’s the nature of the “misadventures” blog. Most stuff brought here is a misadventure! Kind of like a Strawberry Letter. We’ve kinda been programmed to look at everything brought here sideways, up & down. The glass is most likely half empty, not half full. It may or may not reflect whats going on in our lives personally.

Leggs

December 13th, 2013
10:11 am

Celisea/kimmie ~ I can definitely see it that way. The way I’m feeling is because she wrote in to get advice. If it was truly that simple, you’ll just go with it. There’s more to it than just that sentiment of wishing you weren’t going and I’m going to miss you. Seems he’s going in on making her feel and she may be a crossroad. Why else write in for advice on something so simple as wishing you were going with me and I’m going to miss you??

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
10:13 am

Leggs/Kimmie – Gotcha

Single and Happy

December 13th, 2013
10:14 am

She did not expect to have a new man in her life and now he is making her feel bad for missing their “first” holiday apart

Now how yall get this

New Dude: Dang baby, I’m really enjoying spending time with you. Sho wish you weren’t leaving in a week!

Sandra – I know! I was looking forward to chillin with my homies in Vail, but being up there in them cold mountains without you to cuddle up next too isn’t sounding real inviting now! Dang Boo, you look so sad with those puppy dog eyes!

New Dude – Imma miss you gurl!!!

Out of what was stated?

YesSheIsCute

December 13th, 2013
10:14 am

@Leggs I agree there was obviously something said. She said he is trying to make her feel bad. So that means he is putting effort into this task. Not that he just flippantly said he will miss her it’s a shame they’ll be apart or something of that nature. I could be wrong, but I guess it’s just the context clues lesson that I learned in elementary school that has me contemplating juxtaposition of words and word choice.

kimmie

December 13th, 2013
10:15 am

But even if it is how Celisea & my skit say it is, still wouldn’t be no cancelling of the trip. :)

YesSheIsCute

December 13th, 2013
10:15 am

Oops that was someone else’s comment he isn’t trying he’s actually making her feel bad.

Button

December 13th, 2013
10:18 am

That’s not what I got from the very brief story about sandra and I’m a romatic at heart. Giving a hard time is giving a hard time but I get the jist of turning the table.

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
10:18 am

Kimmie – Oh, no….no cancellation would be happening. Either book a flight or squeeze in (if road trip), or Imma see you when I get back.

kimmie

December 13th, 2013
10:19 am

Single – I made up a skit to illustrate Celisea’s take on it. But I agree with Leggs, if she took time to write for advice, Sandra’s feeling some kinda way.

Celisea

December 13th, 2013
10:20 am

Lawd….how many times have I told someone good news and they reacted like “dern, hate I can’t go or do (whatever the news)” and I, in turn said, “now you making me feel bad???”