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Dating debate: It’s just a TOY

I received an email from a reader who wanted to get some feedback from the Misadventures in Atlanta blog community. Rayna is a 26 year old woman who is dating Keith, a 31 year old. They have been involved for a year now but he is just now telling her something that is bothering him: her collection of bedroom toys is too much.

Now Rayna has been a toy enthusiast long before she met Keith. She said that when she was single for a long time, it became a necessary tool. Keith feels that now that he is in the picture, she should have no need for the collection, especially one as big as hers (No pun intended, really).

So dear readers, I post this question to you: Are toys necessary in a committed relationship? Does Keith have a right to request disposal of Rayna’s collection?

Would it bother you if your partner had toys but did not really use them when you were together?

I know the topic is adult-themed, but let’s keep it PG as possible, please and thank you.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

212 comments Add your comment

lee

December 12th, 2013
6:56 am

Yikes, Toys ? Lee needs to get educated didnt know there is more than one kind.

Rayna what is it that you seek? In a relationship for a year where do you want that to go?

I would of had them boxed up and put away he would never of saw them.

One more day

Single & Happy

December 12th, 2013
7:38 am

Hello all

One of those simple things, does she want to keep the toys, or does she want to keep Keith, which one is more important! Sounds like Keith is a little insecure, and controlling, It’s been a year, so she really needs to start paying attention to his actions because the real person has shown up.

Miss Moni

December 12th, 2013
7:56 am

Good Thursday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Toys. . . This should be interesting. . .

Single & Happy

December 12th, 2013
7:59 am

Would it bother you if your partner had toys but did not really use them when you were together? We could use them together! The question I have for Rayna is how did he find out about them, were you trying to bring a little spice into the bedroom, is he that boring? Or were they on you dresser displayed for everyone to see?

Exiled

December 12th, 2013
8:05 am

Toys. . . This should be interesting. . .

co-sign Miss Moni

lemme grab a cup of coffee,sit my azz on the chair and jes refresh my browser…the toy masters wil be here in a minute.. :lol: they will xplain and elucidate this for us…

Toys ha? Keith feeling like he is being supplemented by a toy.. lol

what kind of other toys are there anyway,other than the zzzzzzz machine that needs batteries?

Are there some labia relaxers,romancers toys,vag manipulators etc also?

questions,questions,questions,? :lol:

Exiled

December 12th, 2013
8:05 am

Toys. . . This should be interesting. . .

co-sign Miss Moni

lemme grab a cup of coffee,sit my azz on the chair and jes refresh my browser…the toy masters wil be here in a minute.. :lol: they will xplain and elucidate this for us…

Toys ha? Keith feeling like he is being supplemented by a toy.. lol

what kind of other toys are there anyway,other than the zzzzzzz machine that needs batteries?

Are there some labia relaxers,romancers toys,vag manipulators etc also?

questions,questions,questions,? :lol:

Button

December 12th, 2013
8:37 am

Are toys necessary in a committed relationship? I don’t think they are necessary but if both parties are into them go for it.

Does Keith have a right to request disposal of Rayna’s collection? He can request all he want but it’s her decision of what she will do with them.

Would it bother you if your partner had toys but did not really use them when you were together? Yes. just like p0rn. I would feel a certian way if my SO were to used it to get off.

I’m not into toys, never understand how one can get off on plastic. I guess it’s all mental. I need the real thing, body, heat and secretion.

Good morning!

Button

December 12th, 2013
8:43 am

I visited starship once and saw a portable vjay jay. talk about a shock.

Lady~

December 12th, 2013
8:50 am

Morning! I went to a Pure Romance party recently and I enjoyed more than expected. It was a good alternative. ;) I am just embracing toys is my point~ I am learning masturbation doesn’t hurt hahahaha~

Lady~

December 12th, 2013
8:51 am

hmmmm as far as a relationship #shrugs I doubt it but I am not against it~

Celisea

December 12th, 2013
9:03 am

I’ve always felt you would get an infection from toys and not cleaning then….lololol No toys, ever…never ever

Celisea

December 12th, 2013
9:05 am

My former booghie group never got no man action…..not for very long for the dumb choices they made. They always kept toys…lol I might be wrong, but if you’re getting action, then really toys? That’s just me though. I tend to be more narrow minded than the average person. Anyhoo, creativity comes from within….not Starship hahahahaha

YesSheIsCute

December 12th, 2013
9:05 am

As a woman, yes it would bother me if someone I’m dating had a toy. I just can’t imagine a straight man wanting to use something like that. But maybe I’m just still under the rock my grandmother had me under growing up. IDK. I don’t have any, don’t know how to use them, I can’t even go with my girlfriends to stores that have such devices. I just get so uncomfortable and wait outside.

Funny story about Starship (since it was mentioned). I was dating this guy and we were talking about places he could take me. So I was like well I’m relatively new to Atlanta (at the time), I’ve never been to the Georgia Aquarium or the Coca-Cola Factory, etc. So he says you know where I should take you, I should take you to Starship. I didn’t know what it was so I figured since we were talking about places of interest I guessed it was a Planetarium of some sort so I was like I like astronomy I think we should go. He laughed and asked me if I knew what it was I was like no, but it sounds like a planetarium. Needless to say it was not. END.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 12th, 2013
9:09 am

Um, I have never had a problem with “toys”.

I don’t have self-esteem issues either though, so there’s that.

Button

December 12th, 2013
9:13 am

Yes – lol @starship. I was shocked to see the vjay device sitting up there on the shelf. If I ever saw a man buying or dated a man with that thingn or the blow up doll I would run and never look back. I can sorta understand p0rn to a certian degree since he’ll use hand action.

Button

December 12th, 2013
9:14 am

Dan – what does self esteem issue have to do with toys?

Sassy Me

December 12th, 2013
9:39 am

what does self esteem issue have to do with toys?

I was wondering the same thing…

Are toys necessary in a committed relationship?

They’re not necessary per se` but if BOTH are into it then why not?…it can definitely make for some fun times.

Does Keith have a right to request disposal of Rayna’s collection?

No…he sounds insecure and a tad controlling. If he’s lacking or feels that he is then that’s something perhaps he should discuss with his lady…but to request that she get rid of the toys also smacks of a little immaturity as well. Has she tried to introduce said toys to him in a way he found offensive and/or is he just not used to them. Maybe he’s just apprehensive…or maybe he had a bad experience in the past…

Plus the fact that he waited for almost a year is leads to another discussion..

2CPTG©

December 12th, 2013
9:41 am

so we’ve become the “Strawberry Letter” of the cyberworld…..

Rayna, keep ya toys; Keith, you didn’t put in on ‘em, so you no right to tell her to dispose of them! Are they necessary? If they deem so; and who’s to say Keith is gonna stick around? Keith prolly jealous cause the “jack rabbit” is gettin more play than him…..dude, get over yourself, and join in the fun!

MsAtl

December 12th, 2013
9:43 am

Morning All!

No toys are not necessary in a relationship. However, the parties could use them to play, explore, etc. as long as both are comfortable with it. I’m also wondering whether Rayna had her collection on the dresser like a figurine display.

Button- I’m like you; I would feel a certain way if my SO had a toy store and used them to get off. My ex had more than 5,000 pictures and videos on his computer and acted like he didn’t understand why it bothered me. He took them off his computer like I asked, but moved them to an external hard drive. -_- Not to mention, as I found out, some of the pictures were of his patients and our accountant.

YSIC/Button- My ex-bf & I went to Starship once. Who knew? Lol

disco

December 12th, 2013
9:44 am

good morning.

lololol. in all likelihood dude is insecure. he’s probably coming up short. he’s wondering if he can really satisfy her. he wonders what she’s doing with those toys when he’s not around. he wonders who else has been able to play in the toy box. he really needs to grow up and get some business. I don’t know what toys old girl is working with but it sounds like she takes them seriously which means she probably doesn’t have the cheap stuff. I would not get rid of my collection because he couldn’t deal.

Button

December 12th, 2013
9:52 am

MsAtl – 5,000 pictures and videos? wow that’s a lot. Was it an addiction?

Why does everything have to be about insecuries? Some things are not for everybody and just bc you don’t agree with something doesn”t mean you’re insecure. I don’t like my man using toys and it’s not bc I’m insecure it’s bc I think it’s weird!

Sassy Me

December 12th, 2013
9:52 am

lol @starship.

:shock:

One of my gfs took me to one in Midtown…and a queen working the counter showed us a Gonzo with a suction cup on the end…(s)he took it and went WHAM!!(I screamed)..on the side of the display case to show that you can “use it anywhere”. I had no words…

kimmie

December 12th, 2013
9:53 am

Good morning Gang!!

I see a few issues here. Single, I am surprised you didn’t get on the “why should she have to change” train you usually get on!LOL!! But, that begs the question, why? He has been seeing her for a year, so it’s nothing new she just sprung on him. This is Rayna. She likes toys. Either he can roll with it or not. Maybe he tried to get into them and just couldn’t. That’s fine, but asking her to get rid of them all together cause Big Keith is in the picture? How would he feel if the situation was reversed? Like he was really into porn, she tried to get into it and share it with him but just couldn’t. Then she asks him to get rid of it all. Doesn’t sound quite right, does it? It doesn’t to me.

She had the collection before he came along, so unless he really feels he’s not pleasing her and she has to supplement with the toys, he should not take it personal. Or maybe he’s one of those dudes that can’t really handle a woman that’s sexually confident. Or maybe she’s sort of a nympho so no matter how fantastic Keith might be, either she uses the toys to supplement or find a few dudes on the side to make up the difference. :shock:

Seems like they could come to a compromise. She keep them but out of his sight and only use when he’s not around.

Keith has a right to make any request he wants, and Rayna has a right to honor the request, or not. I mean, not like they are married or anything, right? :wink:

Sassy Me

December 12th, 2013
9:54 am

I’m also wondering whether Rayna had her collection on the dresser like a figurine display.

:lol:

I almost sprayed my monitor reading that…

disco

December 12th, 2013
9:56 am

button – there’s probably a double standard in here. lol. females with toys? not so bad. men with toys? kind of creepy.

MsAtl

December 12th, 2013
9:57 am

Button- I am hesitant to use the word “addiction” because too many people use it as an excuse for their behavior (Eric Benet anyone?). I will say that he has an illness.

disco

December 12th, 2013
10:00 am

sassy – one year I gave a newly divorced friend one for her bday. leading to her bday she was talking about needing new running shoes so I put the “toy” in a reebok box and let her open it front of a room full of people. we had some good laughs and she joked about wishing it had a suction cup on it so she could stick it against a wall and back up on it. lol.

kimmie

December 12th, 2013
10:02 am

I’m also wondering whether Rayna had her collection on the dresser like a figurine display.

:lol: :lol:

Button/Yes – I went to Starship with a past boyfriend once. He said he couldn’t take me anywhere, cause I clowned like you would not believe!LOL!! I was making all kinds of jokes about everything. I remember sitting on this green chair shaped like a peter! It didn’t help I was a little tipsy going in anyway. I don’t knock others, but it’s not my thing and not my hubs thing either. This is part of finding someone with similiar interests!lol

disco

December 12th, 2013
10:06 am

my very first trip to a toy store was the hustler store in west hollywood. I don’t know what was freakier – the items in the store or the people in the store.

disco

December 12th, 2013
10:12 am

wait. I’m just now having this thought. I must be discombobulated this morning. you mean dude didn’t want to watch? lol. almost every guy I know hears a chick has toys and asks if he can watch her use them.

Sassy Me

December 12th, 2013
10:12 am

~kimmie…nice 9:53. Yep a compromise needs to be reached in that regard…

~disco…your friend would’ve liked that Gonzo for sure. It was a thickun’ and had these veins on it…and…well y’all get the point.

I went to a Pure Romance party recently

I’ve heard of these but haven’t been to any…

Exiled

December 12th, 2013
10:12 am

especially one as big as hers (No pun intended, really).

@Diva..u meant as big as His,right? i think that was a typo…

which brings me to Keith….like Kimmie observed…get on the program buddy or ship out!

and his Boy aint as big and useful as he thinks it is…

There….I am on Team Gals today..on this topic!

Sassy Me

December 12th, 2013
10:13 am

almost every guy I know hears a chick has toys and asks if he can watch her use them.

Uhh huh…

2CPTG©

December 12th, 2013
10:15 am

kimmie, the reason Keith reeks of insecurity is because most men don’t frown on women having toys; as disco stated, there’s a double standard in there. Hell, most dudes get turned knowing his lady has no inhibitions…..and yeah, a dude with a “pocket pouch” would be looked at with the weird face…..

Exiled

December 12th, 2013
10:15 am

Pure Romance party recently and I enjoyed more than expected. It was a good alternative
@Lady?

are u and ur guy done…??

or boy..i hate for u to be lonely during the winter.

Another loss to the Big gals Winter brigade! :lol:
hmmpfffff

Exiled

December 12th, 2013
10:16 am

Button

December 12th, 2013
10:16 am

Kimmie/Yes – I was nervous as a bug going into starship. I didn’t know what to expect but I was curious as to what all was in there. when I got in there I saw all kinds of devices and gadgets of pain bc I couldn’t see anyone getting pleasure from them. The lady behind the counter was a hoot though. It was an adventure I’ll never forget.

YesSheIsCute

December 12th, 2013
10:19 am

MsAtl/Kimmie/Button I didn’t go inside though. I asked someone what it was and they told me. I don’t think I have the courage to venture inside there yet.

Exiled

December 12th, 2013
10:20 am

Not to mention, as I found out, some of the pictures were of his patients and our accountan

@MsAtl..that is clearly a crime!

MsAtl

December 12th, 2013
10:21 am

Button- “devices and gadgets of pain ” Lol. I knew someone who had a large wooden cross in their home so I asked them why they had a crucifix. They said it was a sex toy. Pass the smelling salts!

MsAtl

December 12th, 2013
10:22 am

Ex- Yes. That is why he lost his license, but he was not prosecuted.

And to clarify, I am talking a really big wooden cross. Like 7 feet tall!!!

kimmie

December 12th, 2013
10:28 am

2C – I didn’t ask about dude’s possible insecurity. I just made observations!LOL!!!

kimmie

December 12th, 2013
10:29 am

2C – I agree with both your posts, by the way. Dude either get with the program or find someone you’re more compatible with!

Button

December 12th, 2013
10:30 am

MsAtl – dominatrix? bondage? lol some ppl are into that pain stuff. I like a lil spanking though *sigh*

Button

December 12th, 2013
10:34 am

MsAtl – how was he able to get pictures of patients and your accountant? did he have cameras installed in the restroom? That’s a huge lawsuit.

Yes – I was curious that’s why I went in. I went in alone. I was curious about the strip club so I went there too with my ex of course. I had a date asked me to go to a swingers club but I wasn’t that curious about it so I declined.

kimmie

December 12th, 2013
10:39 am

Button – One of my friends I used to work with went to a swingers club with a guy she was seeing and gave me the play-by-play, so that satisfied any curiousity. I also had some coworkers go to a strip club, the old Gold Club to be exact, and they gave me the play-by-play on that. So I’m good!lol!

kimmie

December 12th, 2013
10:40 am

Button – I thought is was just me – alot of that stuff looked very painful if used in Starship.

Exiled!

December 12th, 2013
10:41 am

Big wooden cross

@MsAtl..?

seems a lot of ladies are into this exploring stuff.

Was that a girl?

Button

December 12th, 2013
10:44 am

Kimmie – I went to body tap. smh I tell ya my curiousity over dosed that night.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 12th, 2013
10:46 am

“Some” guys feel threatened by the use of the “toys” – the “I am/ should be enough” for her not to need toys (ancedotal evidence).

I don’t ever have that ^^ concern.

I do what I can, and well, frankly, if/when it’s not up to snuff….I don’t mind a toy playing cleanup