accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Are they loyal?

My friend Sam always tells me that a dog is man’s best friend because dogs are loyal. To guys, loyalty is everything. This means that if a man believes that the woman he is seeing can’t be loyal to him then he won’t trust her. If he won’t trust her then the relationship won’t progress.

Sam tells me that this is one of those “very simple things” about men that is pretty cut and dry. I think some men believe that getting respect from the woman they are in relationship ranks higher than getting love from her. Some even decide to test loyalty in different ways.

How important is loyalty to you? Have you ever dumped someone because you felt they were disloyal?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

150 comments Add your comment

Single & Happy

December 11th, 2013
7:00 am

Hello all

I don’t like dogs, soooooooo. Don’t even understand what this means.

lee

December 11th, 2013
7:01 am

GoodMorning,

Ha! Someone can be very loyal as long as when one needs are being met. As for a test – don’t ever let me find out

I don’t really have anything to add, people can think all day long how a person is, but only time will tell

lee

December 11th, 2013
7:05 am

Thinking how can Single not like a cute puppy/dog… :|

Kat

December 11th, 2013
7:30 am

He should marry a dog then. He will get unconditional love and affection from him/her.

Women worry about emotional cheating. Men worry about physical cheating. Both should demand “respect” either way.

Coach

December 11th, 2013
8:08 am

Good Morning, Respect is of the utmost importance. People will tell you they “love you” but disrespect you by, a. talking down on you, b. putting hands on you c. disrespectful behavior. The cornerstone to a relationship is respect.

Miss Moni

December 11th, 2013
8:16 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Loyalty is very important from both ends! If I can’t trust and you can’t trust me, then we don’t need to be together! I don’t have time to be suspecting that the guy I’m in a relationship with is plotting my demise or working against me. If you ever feel one or the other I just mentioned, then it’s time to move on!!!

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
8:22 am

Most people (mainly men) want a loyal significant other but tend to be not trustworthy or loyal themselves.

Loyalty is very important in a relationship. Relationships have ended due to betrayals. I have ended relationships due to betrayals.

To tag onto what Kat is saying about unconditional love….most people love conditionally in relationships (i.e. I love you as long as the situation is conducive to that. As long as you don’t make mistakes that hurt me, in other words be human, I will love you). I had this conversation with my daughter the other night. In my understanding love has no conditions.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 11th, 2013
8:42 am

Miss me with the “marry a dog” mess.

If you plan to be in a relationship – of any kind – (and not die a lonely bitter person) having and showing loyalty and respect is tantamount.

Oddly enough, both are attributes that propogate outward.

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
9:28 am

If you plan to be in a relationship – of any kind – (and not die a lonely bitter person) having and showing loyalty and respect is tantamount.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
9:35 am

Morning All!!

Yes – I think you can love someone unconditionally, but you don’t have to stay with them unconditionally. In other words, I don’t think it’s asking too much to expect loyalty and respect from someone you love. In the absence of those things, I might not instantly stop loving you, but it will be from afar. Just like to err is human, it’s also human to be hurt by someone else’s mistakes. Are you expected to stay around and continue to be betrayed, all in the name of “unconditional love”? I can’t hang with that.

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
9:40 am

Morning All!

I think that trust, loyalty, and respect are necessary components in any relationship and go hand in hand with love. I wouldn’t want my relationship to be without either. If I do not believe I can trust you, then I do not want to be with you. No one has time to be peeking around corners or checking pockets.

It is said that “A woman’s loyalty is tested when her man has nothing. A man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything!”

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
9:54 am

To guys, loyalty is everything.

You know, I wasn’t gonna comment, but reading this sentence, I just gotta say it. Most men ain’t loyal their dang selves so how it is that loyalty is everything to guys? Loyalty is everything when you first are and learn to be. If you ain’t loyal, please miss me on what you require. You should require what you’re first willing to do. IJS

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
9:55 am

And miss me with all the sappy….lol

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
10:04 am

Dan said it, and Slim reiterated….

next!

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
10:06 am

And for me, lying, acting out a lie, (outright) acting, pretending, hiding, throwing rocks and hiding are all shady characteristics that segue into disloyalty, jacked up behavior, liar, cosigning your own self….well there you have it. Get all this stuff in ya character fixed before you speak to being disloyal.

Oh, this is no one here….just giving my thoughts.

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
10:06 am

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
10:08 am

2Can, we should dismiss a topic based on two posts?

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
10:09 am

wonder where are Diva’s friends that be giving all this “advice”…..Sam, are you lurking?

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
10:10 am

2Can, we should dismiss a topic based on two posts?

yeah….whatchu got? :)

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
10:12 am

Celie…..is the new and improved “you” carrying over to your personal life as well? does your boo thang recognize the change in you?

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
10:13 am

@kimmie you don’t have to be in a relationship to love unconditionally. Loving unconditionally doesn’t mean putting yourself in a position to allow them to hurt you. You can still love someone and not be with them or love them from afar as you stated. But there are people who are fairweather lovers only. The minute the weather is no longer fair they don’t love you. To me that’s not really love.

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
10:20 am

To guys, loyalty is everything. – I thought it was “respect” and knowing his woman has his back.

Loyalty is a two-way street! Too many don’t understand the concept of reciprocity. Infidelity is plaguing so many relationships, but one wants loyalty.

Good morning.

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
10:24 am

2Can – My boo “knows” me. There’ s nothing new and improved about me. I am what I am…and proudly. I go along with your therapy to appease you :) He ain’t like you (if I may). He knows I’m not one that gives a happy to much what folks thinks, he knows I keep it real. He’s a man’s man. He’s good with me and likes and appreciate me. He would NEVER ask me to change to appease other folks and be socially graceful, according to how others think I should be. He already knows I know how to conduct myself, but that ain’t got nothing to do with keeping it real and not doing/being fake fake. Which is what I chaulk therapy up to…..you want me to be fake and go along to get along.

There, I said it. We still good? LOLOLOL

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
10:30 am

Good morning Leggs! When are you going to have that celebratory dinner? Or did you do it yet?

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
10:33 am

Loyalty is a two-way street! Too many don’t understand the concept of reciprocity. Infidelity is plaguing so many relationships, but one wants loyalty.

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
10:35 am

well I’ll be damned……said as I look at you bewildered….umm, yeah, we’re cool…..

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
10:35 am

Yes – Can you stand the rain. That’s what sets The One apart from all the others. In the course of dating, you will find most are fairweather. You see what folks are really made of when the going gets tough.

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
10:38 am

Coach ~ I see we are seeing eye to eye. Loyalty is cool, but w/o respect, you have nada!

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
10:41 am

@SlimNu Leggs and Dan SAID that!

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
10:43 am

YSIC ~ you do know I’ve been celebrating since last Friday (lol). I will be celebrating the rest of December. I will have that dinner this Friday (but it’s with a gf).

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
10:46 am

looks like my therapy calendar is now empty…..new clients, please inquire:

tnymcky2000@yahoo.com

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
10:48 am

That is funny, 2C. I’m literally laughing out loud.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 11th, 2013
10:49 am

“Can you stand the rain?”

Sheeeeiiiiitttt, not only one of the best songs ever written (and performed for my tastes), but one that you appreciate more every year.

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
10:50 am

2Can, do I get a refund…..since apparently my sessions didn’t work. See, this why you need Jesus rather than a therapist. They can’t tell if you’re faking….or not. hahahahaha

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
10:51 am

And in other news…..

vacay countdown.

2Can – Part of my point….the part of me that you’ve enjoyed (your words) were really me, nothing to do with out sessions. :)

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
10:51 am

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
10:52 am

Dan – I agree, singing that song in my head right now!!

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
10:54 am

Dang, I’m singing it in my head too!

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
10:57 am

Leggs/Kimmie- I am singing it while picturing the men’s performance in Best Man Holiday, lol.

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
10:58 am

Yes – Yeah i’m playing echo today lol

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 11th, 2013
11:02 am

Danm the singing in the head, it’s why I bought an iPhone.

Playing that jawn on repeat.

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
11:05 am

See, this why you need Jesus rather than a therapist.

they didn’t call him “counselor” for nothing!

Exiled

December 11th, 2013
11:13 am

Women worry about emotional cheating

@Ladies?

Is this true ladies?

where is Disco? I know she aint the sappy one so she obviously dont care for this foolishness of emottional stuff. How bout u other blog ladies?

On topic:

Loyalty means in good,bad and poor times. And aboslutely NO hunching another man.

Some women bail out when he gets broke or times are rough financially.

Tuurrible!

good morning ..To the Loyal blog ladies Only! :lol:

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
11:22 am

Emotional cheating? Why use limiters such as emotional physical and/or mental. Cheating is cheating. But yes, even if you aren’t physically cheating, sharing, caring and being lovey dovey with another person behind my back constitutes betrayal. You don’t need to share and care with no one else. And if so, then I’m not enough for you please let me know I can move on to someone else who thinks the world of me.

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
11:26 am

then I’m not enough for you please let me know I can move on to someone else who thinks the world of me

don’t believe Durty, he lyin!!!!

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
11:30 am

Ex- Like I quoted earlier, “A woman’s loyalty is tested when her man has nothing. A man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything!”

I believe that if you are in a relationship, you roll with the bad times (financially) just like you flow with the good times. If my mate loses his job, I am not going to just jump ship. That said, he needs to be actively looking for work as well as contributing in other ways, not lying around or playing video games. There is no time for woe it’s me, get back out there…

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
11:32 am

but MsAtl, he may need to recoup, and gather his thoughts….his “therapy” may very well be in the form of video games, and lying around….he might be twerkin that unemployment…..

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
11:34 am

2C- Then he can play video games when he comes in from pounding the pavement looking for work.

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
11:37 am

Ain’ gon lie, one time I got laid off in the spring, and I got the max unemployment…..and I had (still do) a nice clientele of landscaping customers….milked unemployement til the end of grass cuttin’ season, I came up like a fat rat….mailbox money, and straight cash!!!

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
11:40 am

2C- But you were doing something to get income and contributing. I am referring to those who do nothing. You can’t sit and do nothing while I go to work every day.

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
11:42 am

@MsAtl I whole heartedly agree. I think a lot of men feel like women will jump ship as soon as the boat gets rocked when that is far from the truth. My ex told me a lot of his coworkers feel that way and his friends do too. Even after I stayed with him through his hospitalization due to mental issues, he had the nerve to say he feels like if he lost his job I would just up and move out. Seems like men want to believe what they want to believe about women, as long as it allows them to sleep easier at night about their agendas.

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
11:43 am

MsAtl ~ 2C was just reflecting (lol).

Exiled

December 11th, 2013
11:47 am

MsAtl…I have to differ with u on 11:30 am…

Yes,most men I know have no problem supporting their wives if she dont have a job. A lot of wives dont work anyway,so for men,it is very easy. And u are not going to hear a man give the calibrated excuse u are giving,of “he needs to be actively looking for work as well as contributing in other ways”

The thing is,most women have their eyes focused on paper..not the relationship. And they tend to give that line u gave as a justtification for their shenaneegans later.

Where is the unconditional love?

In sickness and in health..Anyone!? well most of u dont get it anyway.

In other news.Ladies..i still got some batteries 4 ya!

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
11:51 am

reflecting, Leggs? yeah, kinda……gal, you know how much a well manicured yard costs here in FL? anywhere from 100-200 a pop….and imagine about 5 of those per day……easy money…and that’s a small scale operation….

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
11:54 am

Exiled- I don’t feel it is asking too much to expect someone to actively look for work. Unless the still working party is balling, the bills still need to be paid. When my ex was out of work for a year, I held it down. It was not easy with 3 kids. However, he was not working, not because he couldn’t, but because he could not have the job he wanted and he felt other jobs were beneath him. He refused to work for DFCS with a Master’s degree, so he simply stayed home. I still helped the kids with their homework when I got home from work and still cooked and cleaned. In my opinion, that was not fair and I voiced that to him. He had held it down when I was not working, but you’d better believe, the house was clean, meals cooked and family taken care of as well as grass cut, edged, etc. All things considered, I worked harder at home than I would have at work.

I don’t know these women you speak of Ex…

Exiled

December 11th, 2013
12:01 pm

I don’t know these women you speak of Ex…

@MsAtl..because u only know One man who did what u profess! :lol:

and all that u explain bout u and u hubby household is because that is how ur household was set up.U could have told ur hubby to wash the dishes and clean to the best of what he could.

I have been in the same situation as u describe. I may cook but not often even when I am not working…I may not clean because she cleans better..I will vaccuum. There are other things I can do around the house even when not working..as long as she does not nag me because I am not working.
It becomes a problem when a woman nags the man..and her attitude changes when he is unemployed. That is the “paper” attitude i speak of.

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
12:09 pm

Ex- Obviously we disagree. I don’t know the women you speak of because there are no women in my circle like those you describe. I am not saying that I have not heard of women who want to sit at home and be taken care of but won’t have the man’s back. Of course I do; we all do. You are reading too much into it.

As far as knowing one man who did what I profess, I personally know more than one man where the woman works while he is unemployed. And if you read all of my post, you would have seen that I DID voice my expectations to him. therefore, that is not the way my household was set up, but rather I worked with what I had. I didn’t leave a marriage because he was unemployed for a year or because he did not help out. I understand the concept of good times and bad and better or worse. Voicing my expectations does not equate to nagging. Or is it your opinion that whenever a woman voices an opinion, it rises to the definition of nagging???

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
12:15 pm

@2C ~ that’s a good hustle.

“..as long as she does not nag me because I am not working.” – What if she lost her job, would you nag her about how long it’s taking her to find another?

Exiled

December 11th, 2013
12:16 pm

@MsAtl..No..but i have certainly seen instances where the woman’s demenour and attitude towards the man changes..and u assume its because he has no paper….I have observed that in my family and extended family and in friends relationships as well. Even when the man is doing all he can to get back up speed.

Now,to be fair, i have seen ride or die women as well. But the general observation is not good..especially for these New age women..they understand paper like the Kardashians!

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
12:56 pm

MMeello – Loyalty means in good,bad and poor times. And aboslutely NO hunching another man.

MMeello, I agree. Question for you though….does it apply to men as well….absolutely no hunching, that is?? I’m just wondering cause I know from my relationships that most times, there’s absolutely forgiveness (and naw I ain’t cheated). You know from your dude whether or not he’s one that don’t play that….all my dudes have been quiet, soft spoken in nature, but don’t play that foolishness.

So, MMeello, you think that should be an absolute for men as well? I like have realitistic convos? Like for real, for real…

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
12:58 pm

absolutely “no” forgiveness

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 11th, 2013
1:10 pm

@Ex

It’s a double standard, one that reveals character; but has to be dealt with in the due course of the relationship (right after dude gets back on his feet).

@MsAtl

I get where you’re coming from, but *how* that conversation is handled is of importance. Set out expectations and follow-up, but getting belligerent or not backing the dude up (for at least a little while) does not end well.

Mrs. SexyCool

December 11th, 2013
1:17 pm

Loyalty – interesting word. I dated someone who expected me to remain loyal to him while he was cheating on me. #@ssWipe

In fact, it was 5 years ago this week that the whole “McDonald’s on Godby Road” incident happened – that most of you know about.

When I think about how different my life is now, my soul cries out “Hallelujah!!!”

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
1:19 pm

Dan- I agree. It is not a good idea to get belligerent, which leads to resentment and does not resolve the issue. That calls for sensitivity (particularly as I believe a lot of men feel emasculated when they are unemployed) and a plan of action.

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
1:22 pm

And speaking of money- have you all noticed that the Mega Millions jackpot is $400 million?

Mrs. SexyCool

December 11th, 2013
1:23 pm

But really…if you are in a committed, faithful relationship, isn’t loyalty a given?

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
1:24 pm

Mrs. SexyCool- I would hope so.

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
1:24 pm

I dated someone who expected me to remain loyal to him while he was cheating on me. #@ssWipe

MrsSexyCool – You too huh? lol

When my ex and I lived together, he lost his job so I had to hold the fort down. It was soooo stressful especially when he wasn’t actively trying to find a job to help alleviate the burden off me. I’m picking up applications (before everything went via internet) and I’d find them crumbled up on the floor in the back seat of the car. Or he would use the gas money I gave to find jobs, to go to his buddy house to smoke herb and play video games all day. Dayum right I was ticked off!

Mrs. SexyCool

December 11th, 2013
1:26 pm

“Some even decide to test loyalty in different ways.”

Please miss me with insecure little boy games and foolishness.

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
1:32 pm

Your soul should be singing, SexyC! Glad you’re in such a more delightful and loving environment with a good person.

MsAtl ~ when I heard no one won the money I thought of Reio saying, guess he’ll be taking a drive to buy some tickets. I remember telling a friend if I ever won I would pay for her nose job. I know she’s going to hold me to it when it happens (lololol).

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
1:35 pm

To kick a person when they are down is alwasys bad. A job loss is stressful on everyone. That is when you see what all parties are made of – the “rain” I asked earlier if you can stand. My hubs lost his job about 4 months after we started dating. He did not miss a beat – in fact you would have never known unless he told you. He had planned for a rainy day and his bills continued to be paid, his kids wanted for nothing and we still dated within our means. I had no problems picking up the check sometimes when we went out. During that time, he did not slack off or get a stank attitude with me, though he admitted to me it was stressing him out. I saw a side of him I might not have gotten to see until years down the line. I saw how he handled himself in a crisis. Calm and about business, with a plan. He secured another job in a few months time.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
1:43 pm

On in contrast – years before I had dated a guy that lost his job a few months into our dating. He showed his azz. He BS’d around and yeah, played video games all day. He moved back in with his parents, so he didn’t have any real bills other than his student loans & car insurance. His car was paid for, but he bounced checks all over town and 2 banks cancelled his checking accounts. He let his student loans go into default even though I knew someone high up in the student loan business that was going to help him with a deferrment until he got back on his feet. He had a stank attitude toward me even though I did everything I could to be understanding and helpful. When he finally got a job, he was getting paid well but would blow his money on games & BS. Just straight up irresponsible. I should have left him, but he dumped me. Good riddance!

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
1:47 pm

Slim/Kimmie- And that is what I was referring to when I said they need to be actively looking for work. In a relationship, you hold each other down and have each other back. However, you have to work together to get through it with few scars. No, you don’t bail on someone when they are down and out, but you also don’t show your @$$ when someone is trying to help you through either.

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
1:52 pm

@kimmie that’s a great story. I think how a person handles a crisis or an extenuating circumstance says a lot about their character. It reminds me of my mom stating that’s what the military is all about. I mean sure you can pass a fitness test and maintain operation security but can you still pass these tests when you are sleep deprived, deprived of water and malnourishment? Can you still pass these when you are experiencing extreme physical pain?

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
1:54 pm

Good Afternoon loyal bloggers of MIA! :)

MsAtl…Words of wisdom as usually… This is for you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zfxZRBm3EY

I would say respect and loyalty are required and most important for men to have in a relationship. If respect and loyalty are very important to you in a relationship, then please be sure you provide that to your SO.

Christmas time is romance time! Time for romance eventhough you may have little finance….hehehehehehe!

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
1:55 pm

I remember this guy liking me who was unemployed when I first arrived to Atlanta. I had my own apartment and he did his best to try and bamboozled me. We went out once and that’s when I found out he was unemployed. He borrowed money to take me to dinner. Guess he thought I was FOB being only 20. To be honest w/you, I don’t know any savy NYer’s FOB! I guess the operative word is “savy.”

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
1:57 pm

no romance w/o finance…according to Gwen Guthrie!

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
1:57 pm

MsAtl – Girl you don’t have to explain, I totally get and agree with what you said. Exiled always appeals to the lowest common denominator and stereotypes. Yes, we all know of folks that will cut and run when all the stars are not lined up just so. Those folks don’t care about you and were probably just looking for an excuse to leave anyway. I mean, if you are truly a golddigger and that’s what you are about, why stick around when the money is gone? What more was expected of you? But naw, I know too many women with men that are irresponsible as H and they love their dirty drawwers. They are just glad to have somebody. If dude had a piece of a job and lost it, she’s not going anywhere. But there are some out here, like you and I and other blog ladies that expect a man to be responsible and hold up his end of the bargain. Sure I might let you wallow a day or 2 and lick your wounds, but after a point, get up dust yourself off and come up with a plan. That’s part of holding it down that you would expect of any responsible adult, man or woman really.

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
2:00 pm

Durty- Cannot get over that voice! I recall having concert tickets to see him (a million years ago) and it was cancelled because he became ill.
And I agree, reciprocity is key. You shouldn’t expect something if you are not willing to give the same.

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
2:04 pm

Dang it Mrs. Kimmie you did not know how to pick em early on huh! You dated some real LOSERS. When you were experiencing all this negative reaction from this guy, what made you stay? Have you figure out or overcame this weakness?

Women for some reason even though dude might have planned well with his money, the woman still don’t know how to communicate support because dude is not working. Happened to a guy I know this year, dude received a severance pay-out, had over $60,000 in checking and saving. Stated he is going to chill for a month a two to gather his thoughts. They lived in his house where he still paid the majority of the bills and she still complained in month 2 when are you going to look for a job.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:05 pm

I don’t know if anyone heard it, but on Steve Harvey this morning they had this “situation” they were discussing. This married couple ran into each other at a hotel. The husband was with the chick he was messing with & the wife was with the dude she was messing with.

What would you do in that situation? A lot of men were playing the old double standard, saying they would show out and beat up the other dude, even though they were caught cheating too. Figures, smh!!

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
2:06 pm

Christmas time sucks. Bah humbug. I might go to Savannah for Christmas just because I feel like I already want to take another vacation.
Leggs what’s FOB mean?

Sassy Me

December 11th, 2013
2:10 pm

you don’t bail on someone when they are down and out, but you also don’t show your @$$ when someone is trying to help you through either.

Church…

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
2:11 pm

“When you were experiencing all this negative reaction from this guy, what made you stay? Have you figure out or overcame this weakness?”

2C ~ sounds like Durty is opening up a practice next door to yours.

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
2:11 pm

FOB = fresh off the boat

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
2:12 pm

MMeello, where did you go?

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
2:13 pm

@kimmie is that even salvageable. I’m sure they both felt some type of way.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:15 pm

Durty – Oh yes, I got rid of all the earlier chicken dinners and got me a winner!!!LOL!! Yes, they were losers and I put up with bs early on, but only to a limit. No guy ever got near my money or hit me or talked to me nasty or anything like that. I came out of all the bad situations in tact.

I stayed because like most relationships, everything was great in the beginning. I thought, hey he’s a nice guy from a decent family and he’s just going thru a rough patch right now. Once he gets a job he’ll be back to the way he was. But weeks turned into months, I was dealing with some family deaths and illnesses myself and things dragged on longer than they should have.

Some women might not know how to communicate support and some dudes don’t know how to accept support either. In your example, even though dude had a handle on things, somehow he was not able to reassure his lady he had it handled. It’s not just on her.

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
2:19 pm

Dang-it..Both are cheating at the same hotel…Now that is a T.V. reality show waiting to happen. Someone knew the other person frequented that hotel.

Mrs. Kimmie I am justing picking on ya! :wink: you tight!

Not salvageable…keep on walking and act like you don’t even know each other. Why start tom foolery in public, when you are doing tom foolery…

Leggs….Oh yes you can romance with little finance…Women get emotional around the holidays, spending a little can get you one of FOB…hehehehehe!

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:21 pm

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:23 pm

Yes/Durty – Naw, only way to salvage that is just do like Durty said, pretend you don’t see each other. Then when you get home just agree to have an open marriage. Shrugs!

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
2:23 pm

They lived in his house where he still paid the majority of the bills and she still complained in month 2 when are you going to look for a job.

Durty – Well did he communicate it to her that he was going to take a 2-month break? And you realize that if you take 2 months off, THEN decide to start looking, that you are not guaranteed a short time of finding one. Some folks take MONTHS or even over a year to find another job. So women, yes, do tend to think ahead…we’re always thinking of something. (maybe why many chicks are better at cheating than men because of that very reason – not condoning that of course)

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
2:25 pm

Kimmie- Oh damn! I missed the SHMS this morning. Now that is some crazy mess. And to tie it in to the blog, so neither one of them had a job to go to? Lol

Leggs- Competition! Now which one of them takes insurance?

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
2:26 pm

Durty ~ didn’t say you couldn’t with “little” finance. I said with “NO” finance!

kimmie ~ I didn’t hear that. Bet that was a juicy conversation on Steve Harvey. Did a brawl break out?

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
2:28 pm

Durty, opening a shop next to mine? hmmmm….that may work….

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
2:30 pm

Durty – So what are you getting me for the holiday’s?? This broken heart could use a little pick me up. hehehehehe :oops: jk

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:34 pm

Leggs – To hear Steve and some of the men calling in, it would be a brawl!LOL! It was not the Strawberry letter, but I think some email somebody sent Steve or Nephew Tommy.

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
2:34 pm

Mrs. Kimmie the only way to reassure her was going back to work. It did not matter that his unemployment and severance pay cover the bills for 6 months. If I show you $60,000 in checking and saving and $80,000 in my 401k how much do I have to reassure you. That is a you problem!

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
2:36 pm

2C…We could get this ladies on track, we should partner up….Blog ladies you know have 2 male prespectives to get you going on the righ track..

Um 2C…I will need to have YSIC sit on my couch as well!

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
2:38 pm

Sorry..I had some bizz to handle!

@Cel …and we were saying ?

Absolutely No hunching question?

It depends on the relationship. If u really want to know the real truth,ask other married African American women..of ofcourse some may not tell u the real truth.

Abs trust,there is a difference in how women address that issue when:
1) dude is not rich…just comfortable versus

2) dude has significant assets

Or 1) there are no kids

2) there are kids

:lol: don’t laugh!

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
2:39 pm

2C… Can you schedule an appointment for SlimNu she has a broken heart!

SlimNu..Why do you you have a broken heart? Umm don’t answer that question, this is a private issue we need to work on…Dr. Durty at your service! :wink:

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
2:47 pm

I always appeal to the lowest common denominator..

A good line of attack(I must admit) when we are disagreeing,I guess.

@Kimmie..

Typical divide and conquer tactic. :lol:

Durty:meelo,u stole my money,gimme my money.

Exiled: Durty,never mind ur money,u know Slim is cheating on u? :lol:

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
2:50 pm

MMeello – If what you listed isit, then it’s not loyal. Even so, you didn’t answer my question. Never mind…lololol

Loyalty is what it is…not conditions (for being loyal), not stipulations (for being loyal), you just either are or not. Nothing to do with kids, money, if it’s okay for a man to not be, blah blah blah

See, this is why I say maybe folks need a course first before demanding or professing to be. And as I figured (not you MMello), but folks in general.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:51 pm

Durty – I was speculating about that situation, but it still depends on the people involved and their situation. Like Slim said, sometimes it can take months or going into a year before you find another job depending on the industry you’re in. In some, you need to get right back out there asap. The 80k in the 401k should not be touched unless an extreme emergency so why let it get to that point? That would not be very reassuring. The 60k sounds good, but that depends on the kind of bills they have. He said it will cover 6 months – meaning their monthly bills are around 10k a month. What happens if he doesn’t get a job by the end of the 6 months? You only heard his side of the story, which is understandable.

I actually had a friend that when thru almost exactly the same thing with her husband. He went into a depression and ended up going over a year before he got another job. She had taken 3 years off work with a difficult pregnancy and a 3 months too early premature baby. She had to get back out there and hold it down, trying to be understanding and deal with the depression.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:52 pm

Durty,never mind ur money,u know Slim is cheating on u?

Exiled- I must admit, this had me cracking up!LOL!!!

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
2:55 pm

I don’t have issues with being loyal, other than i’m loyal to a fault. hmph!

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:56 pm

I just told one of my coworkers about the Steve Harvey situation. She said if it were her & her husband she would just say EVEN!!lol!!

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
2:59 pm

Cel…are u looking to get married?
If you are,then I can borrow u for a minute(from 2Can) and have u for a rose tint removal session..then therapy afterwards. :lol:

Marriage ain’t no joke!

Mrs. SexyCool

December 11th, 2013
2:59 pm

Yeah…I keep thinking about the word of the day. And somehow, it’s just not a word that I associate with a romantic relationship. I guess I’m more comfortable falling back on words that have loyalty built in as a part of the deal.

Loyalty reminds me of pets (well, dogs – who ever heard of a loyal cat?) and sports fans.

In short, loyalty is necessary and desired, but it ain’t sexy. (lol)

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
3:05 pm

Cel…are u looking to get married? If you are,then I can borrow u for a minute(from 2Can) and have u for a rose tint removal session..then therapy afterwards

I don’t think I’m wearing rose tinted glasses. I’m a realist. What I do know is that it’s possible. Never believe it’s all sappy, happy, slappy, but I do know no matter the ups and downs, loyalty is what it is….

Yeah, borrow me and teach me a thang or two. I’ve never been one that operated much off of delusions. And that included relationships. While not the same as “marriage”, it still take that level of “goodness” to keep true.

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
3:06 pm

And honestly, if you can’t do it before, not sure if you can afterwards…just saying

Sassy Me

December 11th, 2013
3:14 pm

She said if it were her & her husband she would just say EVEN!!lol!!

:lol:

Even swap no swindle…win,win for all involved. I wonder who got home first and what that conversation must’ve been like. Matter of fact…do you segue into a conversation like that, or just dive in?… :mrgreen:

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
3:16 pm

Loyalty is very sexxy(for a man at least) when u know ur woman got ur back. Its worth Even more,when a man is down or a lil incapacitated and she holding the fort.

I ain’t talking bout taking advantage of a woman. I am talking bout getting actions of loyalty from a loving wife.

I know a dude that’s going thru it right now. Upstanding dude,MBA but been in the water financially for just a minute. Big mortgage.

The wife is a real biastch!

But dude chose his bed. Now he knows,it’s thorny! :lol:

I tell ya..

daddy swiss

December 11th, 2013
3:19 pm

Totally off topic observation:

IT people at law firms, schools & non-profits are highly likely to be completely incompetent. That is all. lol

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
3:19 pm

Exiled – She was a beyotch before his financial issues, but he probably found it sexy and spicy then. Now, not so much! :(

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
3:23 pm

True

@Kimmie.

That’s why I always ask folks with girlfriends/boyfriends:’u 2 ever had a serious argument?’

Because u can never truly know somebody if everything is lining up,u got food,rides,money and sexxy is copious.

When ur azz is naked(figuratively,whatchu thinking),that’s Shen folks get exposed for who they are!

(ofcourse it applies literally when that wig is off too) :lol:

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
3:24 pm

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
3:25 pm

I will admit ,pudy is a he’ll of a drug!’

How is ding to u ladies?

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
3:27 pm

Exiled:

Suuuunnneeeey days!
Everybody loves them
But tell me baby
Can you stand the rain????

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
3:38 pm

Related to today’s topic:
I don’t know if I have a problem or what should I call it. I’m 26 years of age soon to be 27. I been in a relationship for the past two years going into our 3rd year. I don’t know how should I put this. My boyfriend and I do not seem to get along with some things In our relationship. I have one boy he is 8 starting Grade 4 next year. My boyfriend has 3 kids. 1 from he’s ex girlfriend and 2 from his ex wife (our kids does/did not stay with us). Me and my boyfriend used to stay together until three months ago when things did not go too well. He just fell out of love with me well in fact that’s what he said. The problem is; whenever I come home to visit my mother he used to have a problem with me going to visit my family or my friends I don’t know if I’m too immature or too much of a social person. Or is there something wrong with me talking to people. He will text or call me the whole day or night. Asking when r u going home? Why are u still there? And then well end up having an argument over it. And I will feel all embarrassed in front of my friends n family having to explain what I’m doing with them. I really don’t know if I’m at fault or if I’m over reacting in all of this. We have a lot of difficulties in our relationship like finances, most of the time I was the one that had to pay the rent, the food and the car. Then I lost my job 5 months ago. Then things started changing to the worse. He promised to pay for my studies which never happened I had to ask from my family for assistance. I just can not seem to find a reason to why am I still with him. For me it was never about money. I was never about the car. I just feel like the way he is treating me is not the way I imagined myself to b treated. Is love suppose to be this way? I recently moved out of his house and when I looked back I did not see any furniture that I could say this belongs to me. I was too busy spending my money on our daily expenses. Now I’m wondering why is he still with me? Am I taking care of him in this relationship or us? I’m so confused. Does he really love me the way I think he does.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
3:41 pm

He just fell out of love with me well in fact that’s what he said.

Does he really love me the way I think he does.

:shock:

MsAtl – I’m so confused too.

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
3:48 pm

Kimmie- That was one long letter! She confused me too.

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
3:57 pm

That’s kinda typical with most chics…self doubt that is induced by desire to be loved.

Plus dude with 3 kids must be smashing her good.

That’s an explosive and confusing chemical reaction.

God’s Nuclear bomb! :lol:

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
4:00 pm

Exiled – I don’t know about “most” chicks, but no dude’s stuff is THAT good, to put up with such stupidity – and spend MY money!

At least you guys can’t say she isn’t LOYAL!!LOL!!!

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
4:00 pm

She said if it were her & her husband she would just say EVEN!! – Good one. Now, both have to get through the aftermath of being faced with the confirmation of the sexual/emotional betrayal. The man may have a harder time adjusting the picture in his mind of his wife laying up with another.

“…whenever I come home to visit my mother he used to have a problem with me going to visit my family or my friends I don’t know if I’m too immature or too much of a social person.” – Well, if you obliged him, you’re easily controllable and immature. After reading the entire letter/post, I’m confused. Neither one needs to be in a relationship.

Oh, I see you guys are confused too. She moved out, wondering now why is he still with her, is this the way love is supposed to be…if you have to write a letter like that you already know the answer.

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
4:04 pm

The hook made her Loyal
@ Kimmie

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
4:06 pm

Leggs- nah, if you write a letter like that, you need to go visit 2C or Durty, lol.

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
4:08 pm

Your absolutely right, MsAtl. That is crazy!!!!

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
4:14 pm

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
4:27 pm

You can “freely” walk outside and feel the breeze through your hair and the sun’s warmth on your skin.

Be Thankful.

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
4:27 pm

Slim…should I schedule you an appt?

Durty, cutie has to sit on my lap couch first…..

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
4:30 pm

Send her my way, I will get her straight. MsAtl…You will get a referral gift…Barry White’s greatest hits! :wink:

SlimNu and Kimmie…. His severance and unemployment covered the bills for 6 months, without having to touch the savings. This is over thinking the situation which make men RUN FOREST RUN! Dude stated I am going back to school I will take at least 6 months off and she could not handle..

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
4:32 pm

Celisea you are kinda surly, fiesty and spicy all in one…Man if I knew this back in 2009 you would have been mine! hehehehehehe!

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
4:34 pm

Durty – your last post is making my head hurt lolol

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
4:35 pm

MsAtl…Is grown and mature have the conversation, believe and support the plan without nagging and you might have a winner. Like MsAtl stated as long as he is doing leg work to get to the next level, the nagging would not have been a requirement.

GOOOOOD GROWN MATURE WOMEN deserve GOOD GROWN MATURE MEN!

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
4:36 pm

SlimNu…Which one?

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
4:37 pm

SlimNu I am just trying to dominate the blog, so anything might be typed today! :)

We still need to have that conversation off-line!

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
4:37 pm

Slim….who’s the culprit that broke your heart?

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
4:42 pm

Durty – I was referring to the one about your friend taking extra time to chill in between jobs.

Hmm, what will be my drink of choice tonight? Think i’m feeling some hot sake or a nice glass of wine :oops:

2C – The Grinch that Stole Christmas lol You know imma bounce back ;-)

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
4:47 pm

Slim, purely hypothetical, let’s say I was in your ‘hood, and knowing the grinch stole your christmas, would you care to partake of some wine with me? you know I hate to see you sad….

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
4:50 pm

2C – Hypothetically, I just might to get my mind off of things….

Anyhoo, ya’lls have a guuuud evening now ya hear.

daddy swiss

December 11th, 2013
4:52 pm

Another totally off topic rant:

There is a reason log files exist. It’s so that you can check them instead of asking me what happened every time something doesn’t work as expected. But then, I guess that wouldn’t be lazy or stupid enough, so where’s the fun in that? lol

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
4:56 pm

Well narcissistic might be too strong of a word…also I spell it wrong at 4:55…my bad.

Night :)

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
4:58 pm

Celie, who would you recommend? I need some new clients……

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
4:58 pm

Huh??? what was that about? Did I miss something???

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
4:59 pm

daddy swiss…not sure how well that’s gonna go over while sitting in your lap couch

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
4:59 pm

If you gotta ask, apparently so….hahahaha

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
5:00 pm

Chile it’s 5:00, I’m gone home…can’t wait to climb on my bed and chill :)

Toodles!

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
5:05 pm

I’m not even about to go there with you….i’m out.

daddy swiss

December 11th, 2013
5:06 pm

Um, Cel… the post was prefaced with “totally off topic rant” for a reason.