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Dating: Are they loyal?

My friend Sam always tells me that a dog is man’s best friend because dogs are loyal. To guys, loyalty is everything. This means that if a man believes that the woman he is seeing can’t be loyal to him then he won’t trust her. If he won’t trust her then the relationship won’t progress.

Sam tells me that this is one of those “very simple things” about men that is pretty cut and dry. I think some men believe that getting respect from the woman they are in relationship ranks higher than getting love from her. Some even decide to test loyalty in different ways.

How important is loyalty to you? Have you ever dumped someone because you felt they were disloyal?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

150 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
11:42 am

@MsAtl I whole heartedly agree. I think a lot of men feel like women will jump ship as soon as the boat gets rocked when that is far from the truth. My ex told me a lot of his coworkers feel that way and his friends do too. Even after I stayed with him through his hospitalization due to mental issues, he had the nerve to say he feels like if he lost his job I would just up and move out. Seems like men want to believe what they want to believe about women, as long as it allows them to sleep easier at night about their agendas.

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
11:43 am

MsAtl ~ 2C was just reflecting (lol).

Exiled

December 11th, 2013
11:47 am

MsAtl…I have to differ with u on 11:30 am…

Yes,most men I know have no problem supporting their wives if she dont have a job. A lot of wives dont work anyway,so for men,it is very easy. And u are not going to hear a man give the calibrated excuse u are giving,of “he needs to be actively looking for work as well as contributing in other ways”

The thing is,most women have their eyes focused on paper..not the relationship. And they tend to give that line u gave as a justtification for their shenaneegans later.

Where is the unconditional love?

In sickness and in health..Anyone!? well most of u dont get it anyway.

In other news.Ladies..i still got some batteries 4 ya!

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
11:51 am

reflecting, Leggs? yeah, kinda……gal, you know how much a well manicured yard costs here in FL? anywhere from 100-200 a pop….and imagine about 5 of those per day……easy money…and that’s a small scale operation….

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
11:54 am

Exiled- I don’t feel it is asking too much to expect someone to actively look for work. Unless the still working party is balling, the bills still need to be paid. When my ex was out of work for a year, I held it down. It was not easy with 3 kids. However, he was not working, not because he couldn’t, but because he could not have the job he wanted and he felt other jobs were beneath him. He refused to work for DFCS with a Master’s degree, so he simply stayed home. I still helped the kids with their homework when I got home from work and still cooked and cleaned. In my opinion, that was not fair and I voiced that to him. He had held it down when I was not working, but you’d better believe, the house was clean, meals cooked and family taken care of as well as grass cut, edged, etc. All things considered, I worked harder at home than I would have at work.

I don’t know these women you speak of Ex…

Exiled

December 11th, 2013
12:01 pm

I don’t know these women you speak of Ex…

@MsAtl..because u only know One man who did what u profess! :lol:

and all that u explain bout u and u hubby household is because that is how ur household was set up.U could have told ur hubby to wash the dishes and clean to the best of what he could.

I have been in the same situation as u describe. I may cook but not often even when I am not working…I may not clean because she cleans better..I will vaccuum. There are other things I can do around the house even when not working..as long as she does not nag me because I am not working.
It becomes a problem when a woman nags the man..and her attitude changes when he is unemployed. That is the “paper” attitude i speak of.

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
12:09 pm

Ex- Obviously we disagree. I don’t know the women you speak of because there are no women in my circle like those you describe. I am not saying that I have not heard of women who want to sit at home and be taken care of but won’t have the man’s back. Of course I do; we all do. You are reading too much into it.

As far as knowing one man who did what I profess, I personally know more than one man where the woman works while he is unemployed. And if you read all of my post, you would have seen that I DID voice my expectations to him. therefore, that is not the way my household was set up, but rather I worked with what I had. I didn’t leave a marriage because he was unemployed for a year or because he did not help out. I understand the concept of good times and bad and better or worse. Voicing my expectations does not equate to nagging. Or is it your opinion that whenever a woman voices an opinion, it rises to the definition of nagging???

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
12:15 pm

@2C ~ that’s a good hustle.

“..as long as she does not nag me because I am not working.” – What if she lost her job, would you nag her about how long it’s taking her to find another?

Exiled

December 11th, 2013
12:16 pm

@MsAtl..No..but i have certainly seen instances where the woman’s demenour and attitude towards the man changes..and u assume its because he has no paper….I have observed that in my family and extended family and in friends relationships as well. Even when the man is doing all he can to get back up speed.

Now,to be fair, i have seen ride or die women as well. But the general observation is not good..especially for these New age women..they understand paper like the Kardashians!

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
12:56 pm

MMeello – Loyalty means in good,bad and poor times. And aboslutely NO hunching another man.

MMeello, I agree. Question for you though….does it apply to men as well….absolutely no hunching, that is?? I’m just wondering cause I know from my relationships that most times, there’s absolutely forgiveness (and naw I ain’t cheated). You know from your dude whether or not he’s one that don’t play that….all my dudes have been quiet, soft spoken in nature, but don’t play that foolishness.

So, MMeello, you think that should be an absolute for men as well? I like have realitistic convos? Like for real, for real…

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
12:58 pm

absolutely “no” forgiveness

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 11th, 2013
1:10 pm

@Ex

It’s a double standard, one that reveals character; but has to be dealt with in the due course of the relationship (right after dude gets back on his feet).

@MsAtl

I get where you’re coming from, but *how* that conversation is handled is of importance. Set out expectations and follow-up, but getting belligerent or not backing the dude up (for at least a little while) does not end well.

Mrs. SexyCool

December 11th, 2013
1:17 pm

Loyalty – interesting word. I dated someone who expected me to remain loyal to him while he was cheating on me. #@ssWipe

In fact, it was 5 years ago this week that the whole “McDonald’s on Godby Road” incident happened – that most of you know about.

When I think about how different my life is now, my soul cries out “Hallelujah!!!”

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
1:19 pm

Dan- I agree. It is not a good idea to get belligerent, which leads to resentment and does not resolve the issue. That calls for sensitivity (particularly as I believe a lot of men feel emasculated when they are unemployed) and a plan of action.

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
1:22 pm

And speaking of money- have you all noticed that the Mega Millions jackpot is $400 million?

Mrs. SexyCool

December 11th, 2013
1:23 pm

But really…if you are in a committed, faithful relationship, isn’t loyalty a given?

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
1:24 pm

Mrs. SexyCool- I would hope so.

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
1:24 pm

I dated someone who expected me to remain loyal to him while he was cheating on me. #@ssWipe

MrsSexyCool – You too huh? lol

When my ex and I lived together, he lost his job so I had to hold the fort down. It was soooo stressful especially when he wasn’t actively trying to find a job to help alleviate the burden off me. I’m picking up applications (before everything went via internet) and I’d find them crumbled up on the floor in the back seat of the car. Or he would use the gas money I gave to find jobs, to go to his buddy house to smoke herb and play video games all day. Dayum right I was ticked off!

Mrs. SexyCool

December 11th, 2013
1:26 pm

“Some even decide to test loyalty in different ways.”

Please miss me with insecure little boy games and foolishness.

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
1:32 pm

Your soul should be singing, SexyC! Glad you’re in such a more delightful and loving environment with a good person.

MsAtl ~ when I heard no one won the money I thought of Reio saying, guess he’ll be taking a drive to buy some tickets. I remember telling a friend if I ever won I would pay for her nose job. I know she’s going to hold me to it when it happens (lololol).

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
1:35 pm

To kick a person when they are down is alwasys bad. A job loss is stressful on everyone. That is when you see what all parties are made of – the “rain” I asked earlier if you can stand. My hubs lost his job about 4 months after we started dating. He did not miss a beat – in fact you would have never known unless he told you. He had planned for a rainy day and his bills continued to be paid, his kids wanted for nothing and we still dated within our means. I had no problems picking up the check sometimes when we went out. During that time, he did not slack off or get a stank attitude with me, though he admitted to me it was stressing him out. I saw a side of him I might not have gotten to see until years down the line. I saw how he handled himself in a crisis. Calm and about business, with a plan. He secured another job in a few months time.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
1:43 pm

On in contrast – years before I had dated a guy that lost his job a few months into our dating. He showed his azz. He BS’d around and yeah, played video games all day. He moved back in with his parents, so he didn’t have any real bills other than his student loans & car insurance. His car was paid for, but he bounced checks all over town and 2 banks cancelled his checking accounts. He let his student loans go into default even though I knew someone high up in the student loan business that was going to help him with a deferrment until he got back on his feet. He had a stank attitude toward me even though I did everything I could to be understanding and helpful. When he finally got a job, he was getting paid well but would blow his money on games & BS. Just straight up irresponsible. I should have left him, but he dumped me. Good riddance!

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
1:47 pm

Slim/Kimmie- And that is what I was referring to when I said they need to be actively looking for work. In a relationship, you hold each other down and have each other back. However, you have to work together to get through it with few scars. No, you don’t bail on someone when they are down and out, but you also don’t show your @$$ when someone is trying to help you through either.

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
1:52 pm

@kimmie that’s a great story. I think how a person handles a crisis or an extenuating circumstance says a lot about their character. It reminds me of my mom stating that’s what the military is all about. I mean sure you can pass a fitness test and maintain operation security but can you still pass these tests when you are sleep deprived, deprived of water and malnourishment? Can you still pass these when you are experiencing extreme physical pain?

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
1:54 pm

Good Afternoon loyal bloggers of MIA! :)

MsAtl…Words of wisdom as usually… This is for you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zfxZRBm3EY

I would say respect and loyalty are required and most important for men to have in a relationship. If respect and loyalty are very important to you in a relationship, then please be sure you provide that to your SO.

Christmas time is romance time! Time for romance eventhough you may have little finance….hehehehehehe!

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
1:55 pm

I remember this guy liking me who was unemployed when I first arrived to Atlanta. I had my own apartment and he did his best to try and bamboozled me. We went out once and that’s when I found out he was unemployed. He borrowed money to take me to dinner. Guess he thought I was FOB being only 20. To be honest w/you, I don’t know any savy NYer’s FOB! I guess the operative word is “savy.”

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
1:57 pm

no romance w/o finance…according to Gwen Guthrie!

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
1:57 pm

MsAtl – Girl you don’t have to explain, I totally get and agree with what you said. Exiled always appeals to the lowest common denominator and stereotypes. Yes, we all know of folks that will cut and run when all the stars are not lined up just so. Those folks don’t care about you and were probably just looking for an excuse to leave anyway. I mean, if you are truly a golddigger and that’s what you are about, why stick around when the money is gone? What more was expected of you? But naw, I know too many women with men that are irresponsible as H and they love their dirty drawwers. They are just glad to have somebody. If dude had a piece of a job and lost it, she’s not going anywhere. But there are some out here, like you and I and other blog ladies that expect a man to be responsible and hold up his end of the bargain. Sure I might let you wallow a day or 2 and lick your wounds, but after a point, get up dust yourself off and come up with a plan. That’s part of holding it down that you would expect of any responsible adult, man or woman really.

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
2:00 pm

Durty- Cannot get over that voice! I recall having concert tickets to see him (a million years ago) and it was cancelled because he became ill.
And I agree, reciprocity is key. You shouldn’t expect something if you are not willing to give the same.

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
2:04 pm

Dang it Mrs. Kimmie you did not know how to pick em early on huh! You dated some real LOSERS. When you were experiencing all this negative reaction from this guy, what made you stay? Have you figure out or overcame this weakness?

Women for some reason even though dude might have planned well with his money, the woman still don’t know how to communicate support because dude is not working. Happened to a guy I know this year, dude received a severance pay-out, had over $60,000 in checking and saving. Stated he is going to chill for a month a two to gather his thoughts. They lived in his house where he still paid the majority of the bills and she still complained in month 2 when are you going to look for a job.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:05 pm

I don’t know if anyone heard it, but on Steve Harvey this morning they had this “situation” they were discussing. This married couple ran into each other at a hotel. The husband was with the chick he was messing with & the wife was with the dude she was messing with.

What would you do in that situation? A lot of men were playing the old double standard, saying they would show out and beat up the other dude, even though they were caught cheating too. Figures, smh!!

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
2:06 pm

Christmas time sucks. Bah humbug. I might go to Savannah for Christmas just because I feel like I already want to take another vacation.
Leggs what’s FOB mean?

Sassy Me

December 11th, 2013
2:10 pm

you don’t bail on someone when they are down and out, but you also don’t show your @$$ when someone is trying to help you through either.

Church…

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
2:11 pm

“When you were experiencing all this negative reaction from this guy, what made you stay? Have you figure out or overcame this weakness?”

2C ~ sounds like Durty is opening up a practice next door to yours.

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
2:11 pm

FOB = fresh off the boat

Celisea

December 11th, 2013
2:12 pm

MMeello, where did you go?

YesSheIsCute

December 11th, 2013
2:13 pm

@kimmie is that even salvageable. I’m sure they both felt some type of way.

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:15 pm

Durty – Oh yes, I got rid of all the earlier chicken dinners and got me a winner!!!LOL!! Yes, they were losers and I put up with bs early on, but only to a limit. No guy ever got near my money or hit me or talked to me nasty or anything like that. I came out of all the bad situations in tact.

I stayed because like most relationships, everything was great in the beginning. I thought, hey he’s a nice guy from a decent family and he’s just going thru a rough patch right now. Once he gets a job he’ll be back to the way he was. But weeks turned into months, I was dealing with some family deaths and illnesses myself and things dragged on longer than they should have.

Some women might not know how to communicate support and some dudes don’t know how to accept support either. In your example, even though dude had a handle on things, somehow he was not able to reassure his lady he had it handled. It’s not just on her.

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
2:19 pm

Dang-it..Both are cheating at the same hotel…Now that is a T.V. reality show waiting to happen. Someone knew the other person frequented that hotel.

Mrs. Kimmie I am justing picking on ya! :wink: you tight!

Not salvageable…keep on walking and act like you don’t even know each other. Why start tom foolery in public, when you are doing tom foolery…

Leggs….Oh yes you can romance with little finance…Women get emotional around the holidays, spending a little can get you one of FOB…hehehehehe!

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:21 pm

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:23 pm

Yes/Durty – Naw, only way to salvage that is just do like Durty said, pretend you don’t see each other. Then when you get home just agree to have an open marriage. Shrugs!

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
2:23 pm

They lived in his house where he still paid the majority of the bills and she still complained in month 2 when are you going to look for a job.

Durty – Well did he communicate it to her that he was going to take a 2-month break? And you realize that if you take 2 months off, THEN decide to start looking, that you are not guaranteed a short time of finding one. Some folks take MONTHS or even over a year to find another job. So women, yes, do tend to think ahead…we’re always thinking of something. (maybe why many chicks are better at cheating than men because of that very reason – not condoning that of course)

MsAtl

December 11th, 2013
2:25 pm

Kimmie- Oh damn! I missed the SHMS this morning. Now that is some crazy mess. And to tie it in to the blog, so neither one of them had a job to go to? Lol

Leggs- Competition! Now which one of them takes insurance?

Leggs

December 11th, 2013
2:26 pm

Durty ~ didn’t say you couldn’t with “little” finance. I said with “NO” finance!

kimmie ~ I didn’t hear that. Bet that was a juicy conversation on Steve Harvey. Did a brawl break out?

2CPTG©

December 11th, 2013
2:28 pm

Durty, opening a shop next to mine? hmmmm….that may work….

SlimNu

December 11th, 2013
2:30 pm

Durty – So what are you getting me for the holiday’s?? This broken heart could use a little pick me up. hehehehehe :oops: jk

kimmie

December 11th, 2013
2:34 pm

Leggs – To hear Steve and some of the men calling in, it would be a brawl!LOL! It was not the Strawberry letter, but I think some email somebody sent Steve or Nephew Tommy.

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
2:34 pm

Mrs. Kimmie the only way to reassure her was going back to work. It did not matter that his unemployment and severance pay cover the bills for 6 months. If I show you $60,000 in checking and saving and $80,000 in my 401k how much do I have to reassure you. That is a you problem!

Durty Burd

December 11th, 2013
2:36 pm

2C…We could get this ladies on track, we should partner up….Blog ladies you know have 2 male prespectives to get you going on the righ track..

Um 2C…I will need to have YSIC sit on my couch as well!

Exiled!

December 11th, 2013
2:38 pm

Sorry..I had some bizz to handle!

@Cel …and we were saying ?

Absolutely No hunching question?

It depends on the relationship. If u really want to know the real truth,ask other married African American women..of ofcourse some may not tell u the real truth.

Abs trust,there is a difference in how women address that issue when:
1) dude is not rich…just comfortable versus

2) dude has significant assets

Or 1) there are no kids

2) there are kids

:lol: don’t laugh!