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Dating: Social media penalties

There has to be some kind of rule about social media that everyone has to follow to avoid dating drama. Something as small as a flirtatious comment left on a Facebook wall or a suggestive remark on an Instagram photo can actually become a problem.

A reader emailed me asking for our opinion about what she should do about her boyfriend. After seeing the pictures she has put on different social media sites, he told her that since she isn’t single, she should be careful about what she posts. She thinks it is harmless and said that although she is in a relationship, she isn’t MARRIED.

Do you think people who are in relationships should behave differently online and on social media sites than singles? Does the internet and social media sites become the “gateway drug” to hooking up or cheating?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

238 comments Add your comment

YesSheIsCute

December 5th, 2013
6:01 am

YesSheIsCute

December 5th, 2013
6:04 am

The only time I behave differently on social media is if the person that I’m dating is following me or has added me. I feel censored in the things I want to say, which is why I also have a second account under a false name. So that I can truly be uncensored when I feel randomly uncouth. Social media only a gateway drug to hooking up or cheating if you are the cheating kind. Obviously if you are satisfied with what you have, dangling that carrot in front of me is NOT enticing.

lee

December 5th, 2013
6:54 am

Facebook is drama all by it self .. use with care.

Morning everyone another rainy day it seems.

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
7:19 am

Hey all

Facebook is not drama, some of the people on facebook like to try and cause drama like they do everywhere else!!

As for posting things, I wouldn’t have a reason to behave differently, because I’m not about to be posting to much of anything besides pictures.

Does the internet and social media sites become the “gateway drug” to hooking up or cheating? Hmmm just look at MIA :-D

Reio

December 5th, 2013
9:05 am

Morning all!

Don’t have a Facebook, Twitter, ….account. Couldn’t care less. My wife does, however. She even set one up under my name, and uses it. So I can’t really comment on this. I suppose I can chime in later, if things change. I see it as a total waste. But, that’s just me.

disco

December 5th, 2013
9:16 am

good morning.

reio – I’m with you. I don’t have any doings with social media at all. could care less about what all folks are doing, talking about, posting. some folks sure do get bent out of shape about it though. lol.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 5th, 2013
9:18 am

As in real life, never put something on the innanets that you wouldn’t want to be seen.

Exiled!

December 5th, 2013
9:24 am

MIA is social media,ain’t it?

Disco,wanna hook up? :lol:

But for me,this enough. If i wanna comment on abything,I can do it here with some of uall,my lovebirds.

Twerking,Tweaking,tweeting,stuttering,toodling,tweninglus and all that aint for me!

Good morning MIA!

2CPTG©

December 5th, 2013
9:32 am

Dear Reader,

Of course you can do whatever you want, because as you stated, you are not married; However, if you are indeed in a relationship, and value such, and hope to have a lasting relationship that may evolve into something more, then govern yourself accordingly. The slightest “poke,” “like,” or flirtatious innuendo may give off a bad vibe, especially if your significant other is amongst your group friends. If it’s your desire to be a social media harlot, then block your boyfriend from your posts.

Yours truly,
2CPTG©

P.S. Put on your big girl panties and join the fray so you can interact with us, and give us your side of the story.

kimmie

December 5th, 2013
9:32 am

Morning All!!

Same here Reio. My hubs has a Facebook and he posted a few family pics, announced our engagement and posting some wedding pics, according to our friends. I wouldn’t know cause I never go on it. I set up a FB about 7 years ago, no pictures on it and never go on it, so it’s a waste. I get friends requests all the time and updates, that I ignore.

Shrugs

Be back when the subject changes.

SlimNu

December 5th, 2013
9:33 am

I don’t have issues with social media….I only have a fb page and an old unused myspace page…I don’t do twittter or instagram or anything else they’ve come out with. I think i have enough out there already in the innnent world as it is.

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
9:34 am

I don’t have any doings with social media at al lmao, what a strange thing to say on a social media site Hey disco

Reio, so were you upset or happy on Sat?

MsAtl

December 5th, 2013
9:36 am

Morning All!

I think in general, you should be careful about what you post on social media. I have a FB, but none of the other sites (Instagram, Twitter, Myspace, etc.). I am conscious of the fact that when I put something up there, it is on the web forever. If you are ashamed of it or don’t want someone to see it, don’t put it out there. In the past, I had to get at my ex for something he posted on FB about our sex life. I don’t find stuff like that flattering nor cute.

Do you think people who are in relationships should behave differently online and on social media sites than singles? In theory yes. However, I am not going to post pics of my @$$ on FB when I am single, so there is nothing I need to change if I am in a relationship.

Does the internet and social media sites become the “gateway drug” to hooking up or cheating?~ I agree with YSIC; it is a gateway if you are the cheating kind. Otherwise, no. If you are not that type, you won’t cheat merely because you are on FB.

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
9:40 am

The slightest “poke,” “like,” or flirtatious innuendo may give off a bad vibe, especially if your significant other is amongst your group friends. If they can’t handle it, then get off the page! this falls under the same stupid category of when people get in a relationship all of a sudden they should be invisible to the rest of the world. “Man why you looking at my girlfriend”

Reio

December 5th, 2013
9:40 am

Single and Happy – Happy!! The game, I take it, is what you’re referring to?

disco

December 5th, 2013
9:42 am

single – touché. I suppose I should have clarified and said nothing that I need an account and password for. lol.

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
9:44 am

Yea Reio. wish I had been (LOL)

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
9:48 am

Disco, that and you can’t post pictures here is the only difference between the 2

Reio

December 5th, 2013
9:49 am

disco – Yeah, this blog is nothing like social media as we’ve come to know it. I can’t send pictures, can’t “friend” someone, can’t invite others into my page and leave others out, don’t have a separate account(what gets posted, everybody see’s………, can’t send messages either). So this is ok for me.

Now, if I came out there and met summa yall, well, things could change You women on here might try to hurt me.

kimmie

December 5th, 2013
9:51 am

2C – I like your letter to Reader.

Folks kill me with the “we’re not married” excuse. Thing is, you really have to be “married” in your mind before you take the actual step. Meaning you need to have that level of commitment to that other person and the relationship. Nothing is going to magically change that mindset on Wedding Day. If you’re a cheat & a ho during the courtship, how you think things are gonna change “overnight” once you marry? Now if Reader’s pics truly are harmless and her boyfriend is just being possessive and controlling, well that’s a whole nother subject. But if they are slutty, Reader needs to grow up. Like MsAtl said, why post slutty pics while you are single, only to have to make a dramatic “change” once you are in a relationship? Heck, even if you stay single, think of how those pics could backfire on you professionally, cause you know that happens all the time these days.

Reio

December 5th, 2013
9:53 am

Single and Happy – Yes. Was glad to see it. You know that player, Chris Davis, that returned that missed field goal, played here in Birmingham, and so did, Jamise Winston, the Florida State Seminoles quarterback.

kimmie

December 5th, 2013
9:54 am

Reio – Don’t be scurred. :wink:

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
9:56 am

Kimmie, it’s not an excuse, it’s a fact! Just like you’re not going to marry everyone you date. If someone likes to dress or take “slutty” pics they shouldn’t change because they get in a relationship, instead find someone with like taste. Just like you shouldn’t expect someone to change when you get in a relationship, that’s how they were when it started.

Any pic can backfire on you, no matter how harmless you think it is, someone can take it and twist it.

disco

December 5th, 2013
9:59 am

reio – don’t listen to kimmie. you should be scared. very, very, very scared. lol.

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
10:00 am

Reio, I lived in Auburn for awhile, and I’m from Opelika, been to more Auburn games, (cheered for the other team of course) Hate em, Old school Ala fan, my 2 favorites teams are Ala, and anybody that’s playing Auburn! (LOL)

Reio

December 5th, 2013
10:03 am

disco/Kimmie – Well, I’ll have to find time and set something up. I don’t live there, so some planning will have to be done. You “big city” women got some wicked ways. Fo sho.

2CPTG©

December 5th, 2013
10:07 am

Reio, I got on my FSU gear today, cause today the State Attorney announces what everyone already speculates, that he ain’ got sh!t on Jameis, and ain’t bringing forth any charges!!!!!

Go Noles!!! We gon’ blast Duke on Saturday, then rest til the Nat’l Championship!!!!

disco

December 5th, 2013
10:10 am

2C – my son just got tickets to that game.

Reio

December 5th, 2013
10:11 am

Single and Happy – Well, BAMA’s had a very good run, obviously. But it had to happen sooner or later. Kinda funny though. Most people, including most Auburn fans, felt this year would be a rebuilding one. But those that knew, saw that they had top 5 recruiting classes for the past several years. Hell, they had anywhere from 12 to 15, 4&5 star, players either leave, or get kicked off, or run off by coaches. Some broke team rules, some didn’t qualify academically, some transferred, quit…..But people said that all they needed was a good coach/leader and they could do quite well because of the talent. Didn’t see this coming, but many aren’t surprised. Including me.

Exiled!

December 5th, 2013
10:13 am

Reio..you can send pics and befriend folks on this social media site!

How u think some of us,ummmm,cough,spit,,,smashed fellow bloggers?

The functionality of this blog is different to tweeter and facebk but where there is a will there is puddy! :lol:

Exiled!

December 5th, 2013
10:16 am

2C…so this Jameis dude did the ‘crime’ but they intimidated the girl…,seems?

If he goes scot free and goes to NFL he is just another Rapersburger..that dude from steelers!

These ignants get away with murder all the time

YesSheIsCute

December 5th, 2013
10:16 am

Totally random but I’m so psyched for my trip to Miami tomorrow. My daughter and I are going for the weekend. Only difference on this trip is that this is my first time renting a car. I feel oh so grown now :D

MsAtl

December 5th, 2013
10:21 am

Single- You are the only person I have heard of being from Opelika outside of my Godsister’s father.

Kimmie- A agree, you don’t change from a single to a committed mindset on the day of the wedding. We’re not married is no excuse for certain behaviors.

Exiled!

December 5th, 2013
10:21 am

How old u are Yes?

..don’t take the kid to the beach in Miami…..near naked folks there. :lol:

Celisea

December 5th, 2013
10:23 am

Do you think people who are in relationships should behave differently online and on social media sites than singles?

I think people in relationships should behave like people in relationships….period. People in relationships behaving like people in relationships, turn into people who are married, respecting the marriage. I’m a big believer that you don’t wait until the day of the wedding to become committed. The committment starts well before then. I’m team boyfriend today. You do should the same things that you expect (in return). Without too much details, she seems like a loosy goosey and just need a reason to flaunt. I’m with ole boy, clean it up or get ta stepping!!

2CPTG©

December 5th, 2013
10:23 am

Reio…..while not knocking Auburn’s run, c’mon, you gotta admit, y’all are 2 plays from having 3 losses….the hail mary fluke against UGA, and last week’s last minute play against bama….however, I do believe Malzhan is the x-factor, because he has the same players that Chizik had, but htey were just outta position. Y’all QB, wasn’t he a receiver last year? But he was recruited as QB, and when Malzhan came back, he put him back at the postions he was brought in for….correct?

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
10:26 am

2C he was in JC last year, recruited as a receiver a GA

Reio, you know us Bama fans think we’re supposed to win all the time (LOL)

DuShawn

December 5th, 2013
10:26 am

A couple of years ago I was in my basement bored, so I started a FB account. Within an hour, I found an old flame that I had not thought of in years. We exchanged information so we could communicate offline. Later on that day, my wife says “I see you’ve been reaching out to your old girlfriends”. I deleted the account.

2CPTG©

December 5th, 2013
10:28 am

Ex, gotta disagree with you there; Jameis didn’t rape that girl; her, and her sorority sisters even had a twitter nickname of “cleat chasers”!!! Go figure; but ol girl knew Jameis’ main girl was cominginto town that weekend, and got upset because she, being a side piece, was kicked to the curb, so she out to ruin him….even her own sorority sister, and roommate admitted as much; she initially told the police that she didn’t know him, yet, there were pics, and tweets, of the two of them together AFTER she went to the cops with this bullsh!t….the only reason ths came out 11 months after the alleged crime is because TMZ went digging for dirt; the TPD knew there was no basis for the allegations and they told the State’s Attorney this…

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
10:30 am

2C didn’t you know this is America, you are guilty until proven innocent, then you just got away with it!!

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
10:31 am

@Dushawn, that damn facebook (LOL)

2CPTG©

December 5th, 2013
10:33 am

MsAtl, help me out…..doesn’t the legal mantra go some’n like, “it ain’t what you know, but what you can prove?” his DNA being found in her panties only prove sex occurred…..not rape, or forcefully taking…..

2CPTG©

December 5th, 2013
10:37 am

Single…..oh, I know bruh……”beyond a reasonable doubt” nonsense is just that!!! If annn juror has any inkling that the defendant didn’t do it, then that’s reasonable doubt…..but you’ll have some overzealous prosecutor, or judge, who’ll send the jury back in to deliberate to force them into a verdict…..which, to me, is total bullsh!t…they’ve already said they have doubts…so that should be it….

Celisea

December 5th, 2013
10:37 am

Social media is overrated. There are some folks that can only shine on social media. They are dull in their real life so, behind the screen they can be “da man.” Caped Crusader, that dude or woman that’s knocking ‘em dead beind the screen, allat and a bag of chips, the perfect persona. Getting kudos and high fives from fellow social media-lites…lololol Big words, great posts/writings…..hooray!! Po thang(s).

If the only place you can get your shine on is behind a keyboard, sorry for you. King (or queen) of the screen! LOLOLOL Sum’in ain’t right. Believe it or not, some folks LIVE for being the perfect “on screen” character. I’d say in real life, they ain’t got a life.

I would let ole girl and her pics shine and kick her to the curb :mrgreen: Shine on! But yeah, she ain’t the only one getting glory on a social site…..there are plenty folks that do that. Shoot, folks even high five their own posts or writings. Guess cause that’s the only place they feel like somebody. And really, it’s a sad sad day when you’re giving praise to your own self or wake up every morning, headed to your favorite site (lol), looking for that acknowledgement. Social media is a death trap to some.

Celisea

December 5th, 2013
10:38 am

Oh, my bad, I was still commenting on the topic. Didn’t realize the topic had changed

Single and Happy

December 5th, 2013
10:41 am

2C a few months ago during a certain trial, I told a friend of mine that it was darn shame that I didn’t know anyone that I would want to be on my jury if I was in trouble, because once they got it in their mind of how it went down, that’s how it was no matter what the evidence said.

Leggs

December 5th, 2013
10:41 am

“There has to be some kind of rule about social media that everyone has to follow to avoid dating drama.” – The rule is simple: Don’t Date on FB!” One shouldn’t be carrying on flirtatious conversations on social media. Call up your intended target and talk. It’s absolutely asinine the fights, the stalking, the name calling done on social media. Get a life and get off FB airing your dirty laundry!!!

Good morning!

MsAtl

December 5th, 2013
10:41 am

2C- You are correct, it only proves that sex occurred. The prosecutor still has to prove that it was nonconsensual.

Celisea- NP, you can still comment on topic. Yep, someone 6 feet tall on social media can turn out to be the midget from the Wizard of Oz.

Lady~

December 5th, 2013
10:43 am

Hi there C & MIA~ Wht’s poppoin’?!? Interesting topic~ :)

MsAtl

December 5th, 2013
10:43 am

Leggs- Yesterday a relative (of my ex) was cussing up a storm, having an all out fight on FB with another family member and this morning she is “blessed.” I fell out!