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Dates: Are we expecting too much?

I overheard a woman at the nail bar complaining about a recent date. What she described actually sounded pretty awesome to me, so I was kind of confused what her real gripe was about. She wasn’t complaining about the amount of money he spent/didn’t spend. She said that he took her to a part of town that she never explored before. There was live music, good food, and a late night stop for desert. I seriously wanted to ask her, “What more do you want?!”

I know single women like to say that they have “standards” and I get it, I really do. I just wonder if some take that idea too far. If there is someone who asks you out, shows up to the date with an actual plan for the evening, what else is really needed? This is the kind of thing that makes dating unnecessarily difficult. Unrealistic expectations from both sides and people start to feel disappointed.

What is a reasonable expectation for a nice date? While we are on the topic of realistic expectations, should sex be something you expect on a date? I ask because someone asked me if I ever worried when a man would too much on a date to impress me because he had one goal for the night.

Do you think we are expecting too much from dating? Are some of us in need of a healthy dose of reality?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

197 comments Add your comment

lee

December 4th, 2013
6:57 am

Wise Diva you should of asked for his number from her, lol

Some people do not have standards oh they say they do, but what they is is a case of “miserable” nothing is ever good enough for them. Yes both men and women need a healthy dose of reality.

Dating should be fun. Sex well that is the main goal isn’t for both sooner or later , do it when you want to.

Regarding December as the best time of year: I hate this month, rude people everywhere i swear xmas brings out the worst in people all for some junk made in Twain , and i hate xmas music it should only be played dec 24 , and traffic gets crazier ugh
Getting closer to the weekend oh ya

Exiled!

December 4th, 2013
7:38 am

It’s not that the lady was expecting too much…I think..she was disappointed because she wanted something meeting her own sub par(below the guy’s) standards.

It was a bad fit,Period!

Nothing wrong with both people,they just don’t vibe nor enjoy the same things.

As for sex on the first date?

I wil expect it if our prior interaction(maybe by phone,email,text) before the date suggested that you were open to it or Easy!

I may have read u wrong,it happens but I MA go for the Title anyway if my prior analysis suggests ima git

Exiled!

December 4th, 2013
7:55 am

Exiled!

December 4th, 2013
7:57 am

Why uall so late?

There is no traffic out there so what’s the deal?

Ima play with Lee until we get disturbed…and see if she more than flirty.. :lol:

Coach

December 4th, 2013
8:32 am

I wonder why she’s single? *shrugs*….Good Morning!

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 4th, 2013
8:36 am

some people want the world, and only want to give a little in return.

Chick sound like one of those people.

Maybe she needed to know his savings/credit balances, and FICO score.

YesSheIsCute

December 4th, 2013
8:42 am

Well at least there’s no wonder why she is still single. She is just miserable in general. I work with someone like that. Nothing is ever good enough and she complains about EVERYTHING. If you don’t give her a gift you’re rude, if you give her a gift it’s never to her liking or it’s obviously “cheap”. If you give her a card, she says you could have bought her a gift. Again, no wonder women like that are single.

I won’t just settle for anything just thrown at me and called a date but I am very appreciative of genuine thoughtfulness and creativity. It sounds like that guy went over and beyond and she just wasn’t satisfied.

Single and Happy

December 4th, 2013
8:48 am

Hey all

Just another case of someone who likes things to be complicated, when they should be easy. She just likes to find something to complain about.

disco

December 4th, 2013
9:03 am

good morning.

ex – it’s too early for you. lol.

re old girl’s date. I’ve said time and again, sometimes it’s a date. sometimes it’s just two people grabbing a bite to eat (or whatever). people go out with other people for all sorts of reasons. perhaps it wasn’t dude’s actions (i.e. the date itself) that put her off. maybe she really wasn’t all that into him. sure you ask – why did she bother to go out with him? well, that right there may be the million dollar question. lol.

2CPTG©

December 4th, 2013
9:06 am

a reasonable expectation? shiiiid, be glad somebody asked yo ass out, how bout that!

disco

December 4th, 2013
9:07 am

we need a top 10 list. reasons why folks go out with folks they really aren’t interested in. feel free to chime in. lol.

1. nothing better to do
2. free meal / entertainment
3. just trying to be open minded and get out of their “date box”
4. trying to prove they aren’t too picky
5. just in it so they have a story to tell when everyone else is talking about their dates
6. networking. let’s face it. people always know other people you don’t know
7. pity (I’ve never done a pity date but I’m sure someone has)
8. because they are friends with wise diva and know she’s needs input
9. on a dare / made a bet (okay, I’m reaching but only so far).
10. I’ll leave that one up to y’all.

LOL.

SlimNu

December 4th, 2013
9:13 am

People like that need to be smacked in the mouth with a dirty flip flop. I can’t stand ungrateful/unappreciative folks. I just wasn’t raised like that….

Morning folks…just thinking about trying to date makes my head hurt because it’s like it’s a whole other world out there full of aliens and zombies. Where are all the normal, good-hearted, genuine folks hanging out?

disco

December 4th, 2013
9:18 am

I went on a “non-date” last night to the movies. panera bread is next door. I got there early and called dude and asked if he wanted me to order him something to eat before the movie. I go in order, pay and wait for him. granted it’s only panera bread but hey – they don’t have a dollar menu. lol. I didn’t say anything about paying. in fact, I offered and it’s really no big deal. still, before we went in the movie dude offered me my money back and, yep, I took it.

MsAtl

December 4th, 2013
9:31 am

Morning All!

“Should sex be something you expect on a date?” No!

Do you think we are expecting too much from dating? Yes, I think some people expect too much from dating and need of a healthy dose of reality? I know one woman who goes out on lots of dates and finds something wrong with every lase one of them. One guy was written off because he wore shades at night. I think that is a bit petty, just ask him to remove them if it bothers you.

It is fine to have standards, but when you have a “list” a mile long and you can’t even meet them yourself, then you need to go sit down somewhere.

Reio

December 4th, 2013
9:32 am

Morning all!

I can’t remember any women complaining to my face about a date. I suppose some did, but they never did it to my pace. There were times when, during the course of a date, I could tell that she was either not enjoying things, or, she was expecting more. I knew not to ask, cause on the few occasions that I did, they would always respond with “Oh, I’m enjoying this”, or, “This is fun.”, or, “I’m glad we did this.”, or, “I’m glad we came here.”……Some were lying, I could tell. But, when later asked if she wanted to go out again, they seemed to perk up and enthusiastically respond with “Of course!!” or, “Yes. Looking forward to it.”, or “Sure, just call me!” So I didn’t know what to make of those kinds of dates. Why would she appear somewhat disinterested or disappointed, yet, respond so enthusiastically at the prospect of going out with me again? That’s always been a question I wanted an answer to, but never asked. I still don’t know. Maybe it’s a ‘woman thang’?????

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
9:32 am

Morning All!!

Disco – Why was it a non-date? Dude sounds like a stand-up guy, offering your money back. Are you just not feeling him like that?

On topic – I think this might have been a case of the 2 just not being a fit for each other. Sounds like she’s one of those folks here in the A that are hung up on “what side of town” something is on, no matter how nice the place might be. For example, my hubs & I have this couple we love to double date with because they always seem to know about cool places and events happening around town that you would not normally know about. Not obvious places you see advertised all the time. We went to this mystery food event the local foodies have every month at a different spot. It was over in VA Highlands/Midtown area, off the beaten path. There was a cool, eclectic, creative crowd there, the food was great and The Food Network was doing some filming nearby. We had a ball. Now we have some other boughie friends that are fun, but they would have died if we had taken them there. If there is no fine china and white tableclothes, forget it. Some folks just don’t vibe. Next.

Or it really could have been a case of the chick was just someone that is hard to please. That could be the reason she’s still single or not. It’s somebody out there for her too. Just not the particular guy she went on the date with.

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
9:35 am

Reio – Maybe those ladies didn’t necessarily like the place you went to, but still liked you and enjoyed your company. They were being polite.

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
9:44 am

MsAtl – The wild part to me about that lady you mentioned that complains all the time? In spite of her attitude, she still gets asked out often! So somebody likes what she’s selling even if its just for one date! If she stopped getting asked out, or ever gets tired of only going out on first dates, she’ll change it up. Until then, whatever she’s doing is working for her. I also know other folks that beyotch and moan about a hair out of place, but they got a man that’s crazy about their complaining behinds!

I know folks that, on the outside looking in, seem perfectly nice and are attractive, yet they have trouble getting asked out even once.

Reio

December 4th, 2013
9:47 am

Kimmie – Well, I guess so. Although I sure would have liked to have known that. Cause I would ask, in most cases, what they would like to do next time. Some would offer suggestions, most would come back with “Oh, I don’t care. What do you want to do?”…Or words to that effect. I tended to walk away convinced that they liked me, but to what degree? I wasn’t sure. I was perplexed. Would concern myself with it through out the week. What to do? Where to go? How much to spend?……Just never really knew. Of course, this was a time when women weren’t as open as they are today. So, they tended to be fairly well raised, and were reluctant to say much that could be construed as negative, just as you suggested.

disco

December 4th, 2013
9:48 am

kimmie – pretty much. if I have no romantic interest then it is a “non-date”. dude is stand up. like I mentioned before, I don’t deal with sorry men (unless I’m related to them – lol).

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
9:54 am

if I have no romantic interest then it is a “non-date

Disco – Gotcha. Understandable.

Leggs

December 4th, 2013
9:59 am

I think the problem lies with her. If all that took place on the date, why she griping? Seems like she’s placed a value on herself that he clearly does not see. Sounds like she liked the date but I sense she was put off by being on “the side of town she never explored before.” She sounds uppity and couldn’t get past being on that side of town thereby not allowing the date to easily flow. Perhaps she needs to continue and date herself.

Good morning!

Leggs

December 4th, 2013
10:05 am

“People like that need to be smacked in the mouth with a dirty flip flop.” – Damn, SlimNu, but yeah!

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
10:10 am

She sounds uppity and couldn’t get past being on that side of town thereby not allowing the date to easily flow

Leggs – I agree, that’s what I was talking about in my post. Some folks are like that though, if it’s not Buckhead or Johns Creek, it’s “the ghetto”. They can’t let their hair down anywhere that might be very nice and clean and interesting, but not “perfectly manicured”. They have to find other uppity, like-minded people to hang with. I’m not one of them though!LOL!!

MsAtl

December 4th, 2013
10:10 am

Kimmie- “somebody likes what she’s selling. ” Lol. I guess so! I don’t know if a two-week period goes by where she has not had a date, sometimes 3. But like you said, they are always first (sometimes 2nd) dates.

MsAtl

December 4th, 2013
10:12 am

Kimmie/Leggs- I have a co-worker that turns up his nose at anything outside the Perimeter.

disco

December 4th, 2013
10:15 am

if she is uppity and against all things perceived as ghetto I guess I can’t say I’m mad at her. she’s entitled. heck, I am self-proclaimed ghetto and one time on a humbug I called a cousin to meet up for a drink. I figured we’d hit a restaurant or even a neighborhood bar. that fool had me up in an illegal liquor house where they were serving drinks in plastic Dixie cups. I went bougie-ghetto real quick talking about I didn’t drink and drive. meanwhile a whole grip of men who obviously have little to do other than hang out at the liquor house was all up in my face talking about “what’s up with you”. lol.

Celisea

December 4th, 2013
10:18 am

I hope that chick ain’t reading. Especially if what’s being drawn ain’t exactly what went down.

There was live music, good food, and a late night stop for desert.

Diva, is this what you heard verbatim or was this what translated? Once again, we have a post with not enough details and we can chose to go one way or the other. Think Imma be team girl on date.

I won’t be one to knock ole girl….maybe she likes what she likes and what she likes, he wasn’t it….IJS To each his own.

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
10:21 am

MsAtl/Leggs – That uppity couple I mentioned earlier? Well we were all going to a concert at Philiips Arena a few years ago. I worked at CNN for awhile and one of my benefits was a free monthly Marta card. Many a day I would park my car at the station and ride the train into work, which let you out right there at CNN. There were other professionals doing the same every morning. It was going to be mad trying to find parking at that concert so we suggested doing the same, parking at a station and riding the train in. OH NO, Mrs Uppity absolutely refused to go anywhere near the train. She just would come to big, bad, dangerous downtown Atlanta for the concert, much less ride that horrible TRAIN!!LOL!!!

2CPTG©

December 4th, 2013
10:26 am

sometimes I love the challenge of “uppity” gals…..I know going in that ain’ no love connection, but you wanna let ‘em know they ain’t hittin on sh!t…

disco

December 4th, 2013
10:26 am

kimmie – I have one friend who says I’m getting my “bougie” on when I say I don’t eat mcdonald’s. this chick loves mcdonald’s like she’s a little kid looking for a happy meal toy. I may get some fries and a chocolate shake at mcdonald’s once or twice a year.

SlimNu

December 4th, 2013
10:29 am

disco – I loooove me some Panera Bread. Whenever I go to see my mom she always wants me to pick her up something. I be looking like, um, I want to be reimbursed when i get there. lol

Leggs

December 4th, 2013
10:32 am

MsAtl ~ your co-worker probably sleeps with a plastic doll most nights!!!

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
10:33 am

Disco – LOL!! With me it depends on what I have a taste for and what’s available. There are times when I want boughie, other times I want fast food fries. Since I’m trying to eat healthier, a lot of places just don’t have anything I can eat much or often, but I go there for a treat. Like I would not get a salad from Dairy Queen, it’s something about salads from places like that that turn me off. Like they offer it just so they can say they have something “healthy”, but they are really just a greasy spoon type place. Naw, I stick to Blizzards and sundaes and cones from DQ.

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
10:34 am

Slim – Panera and Atlanta Bread Co are both the bomb to me.

disco

December 4th, 2013
10:35 am

slim – I just got an email from my credit card talking I get bonus cash back for making a purchase at panera bread. a win-win. lol.

kimmie – those blizzards be hitting the spot.

Leggs

December 4th, 2013
10:36 am

kimmie ~ if only she’d realize it’s Smarta to ride Marta (lol).

disco ~ I hate McDonald’s. I might get fries every five years from there. No can do! Can’t believed I absolutely loved those quarter pounders with cheese!

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
10:37 am

Disco – My mom’s favorite was the Peanut Buster Parfait sundaes!

kimmie

December 4th, 2013
10:41 am

Leggs/Disco – For some reason, I have to have the Egg McMuffin every now and then. They do it for me! What I cannot stand are the chicken “nuggets”. I got sick off them years ago in college and have not been about to do them since. They taste like chicken flavored sponges. My hubs & son love those things. Yuck!

disco

December 4th, 2013
10:41 am

kimmie – that’s my go-to when I don’t get a blizzard. lol.

okay sounds like we are about ready for some random topics. anyone?

SlimNu

December 4th, 2013
10:41 am

disco – You remind me of those commercials they have out now about getting so many points for dining out with your card. lolol

SlimNu

December 4th, 2013
10:43 am

kimmie – You sound like me with reference to Micky D’s…i used to work there in college and quickly grew tired of that food. I’ll do a mcmuffin every now and then, or at the very least, a cup of coffee. I likes theirs. Same goes for Papa John’s when I worked there. Used to bring home pizza’s, bread sticks etc…now i’m like ewwwwww.

2CPTG©

December 4th, 2013
10:46 am

random topic???

I wanna hear some of y’all gals’ rejection stories…when y’all was into a dude and just wasn’t feeling you…or how he broke your heart…

SlimNu

December 4th, 2013
10:46 am

Are we ready for a topic change already? lol Hmmmm how about, what are the MUST-HAVE’s in a relationship for you?

I MUST HAVE – ability to communicate with you
I MUST HAVE – affection, honesty, and support
I MUST HAVE – a guy with a good personality & moral character/family oriented

Exiled!

December 4th, 2013
10:47 am

This thing ain’t moving…we sure am on molasses speed!

Howdie gents and ladies?

disco

December 4th, 2013
10:48 am

slim – I be serious about working my cards. I make it a point to check each card to see what their bonus spots are and try to work with them when I can. this year’s stocking stuffer is going to be buck knives. I get 10% cash back at sports authority who has an okay selection of knives so i guess that’s where i’m shopping.

2C – dang. the mood is light up in here. you want us to break out the lighter fluid. jeez. lol.

SlimNu

December 4th, 2013
10:49 am

(THey say the key’s to a successful relationship should have the 4 C’s: Committment, Cooperation, Communication and Community) just fyi lol

disco

December 4th, 2013
10:50 am

slim – I’ll say dude:

must have some sense
must have some money
must have a freaking backbone
must read something sometimes other than the occasional magazine or sports page

2CPTG©

December 4th, 2013
10:51 am

nah, not like that disco, it’s usually the fellas with the juicy stories….while y’all just sit back, and either don’t say anything, or tell us how wrong we were…..

disco

December 4th, 2013
10:54 am

slim – I’ll go on to add:

must have a passport (I know he can get one but if he already has something that says more than him jumping up to get one because I mentioned it – lol)

must have his own housing and transportation

must not be a punk azz momma’s boys.

2C – it’s the double standard. y’all can tell player stories and be looked at as players. we can’t tell hooker stories and be looked at as non-hookers. hence, we keep our stories to ourselves. (not saying we have hooker stories but if we did this is why we’d keep them to ourselves).