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Dating: Magic Number Conundrum

When you are in a brand new relationship, you may convince yourself that knowing every single thing about your new love is important. I am here to tell you that this can be dangerous. Especially when you get in to the magic number conundrum: Do you reveal your body count when asked how many partners you have had? Well, for starters, I don’t think it is a good question to ask in the beginning. New romances need time to cook, as it were, and it is already a fragile thing. Why muck it up with all kind of dirty details of your past?

I have a friend Tim, who has a bad habit of wanting to know the exact magic number. He actually believes that this information is necessary and important, so he asks the women he dates almost immediately. When he gets the response that doesn’t “sit right with him” he starts acting like a jerk to the poor girl. I ask him all the time, “Why ask the question if you may not want or like the answer??” To add insult to injury, Tim is no saint and has his own sexual baggage, so I really don’t get how he sits in judgment of anyone.

Is it fair to ask about the magic number? Would you be totally honest if someone asked you yours? If you aren’t ashamed of the number, should you be bothered when someone asks?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

177 comments Add your comment

SlimNu

December 3rd, 2013
10:58 am

disco – I just get tired of hearing all the Christmas music…get’s old to me quick.

disco

December 3rd, 2013
11:02 am

leggs – beautiful? beautiful? usually we track on so many things but I’m not co-signing on December being a beautiful month. bump that. my scrooge is already in full effect.

2C – nothing against December. after all, what is it really? now, I feel some kind of way about what it represents. the holiday madness (which I do not partake of but still can’t avoid). the year end reflection (which I simply cannot help). December makes you start evaluating some things and well, I’m not in the mood for evaluating things.

disco

December 3rd, 2013
11:03 am

slim – I think I watched dvds all weekend because I got sick of Christmas commercials real quick.

YesSheIsCute

December 3rd, 2013
11:04 am

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 3rd, 2013
11:11 am

@Disco

December is the end of the bugeting year, time to spend out on the savings, pay down the debt, make the plans for next years budget and sleep. Reminiscing and “evaluation” have their place all year round – as drivers for production. Now is the time that I personally reflect, plan, and rest for it is done.

Leggs

December 3rd, 2013
11:13 am

disco ~ well it’s a beautiful month for me because I was born in December. While living in NY, although I hate snow, it’s beautiful when it first falls. December reminds me of snowy days and house tops dusted or piled high with snow. Snow covered trees, it’s beautiful to me for at least a few hours, then it becomes annoying!

Hey YSIC! I wanted to wait until my daughter came home to see Catching Fire, as we planned. The knucklehead saw it online for free before coming home!

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
11:15 am

disco, gal, sounds like your soul is uneasy……ijs

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
11:23 am

you see what therapy has done for Celie……again, if you ever wanna talk, my door is open….

disco

December 3rd, 2013
11:26 am

2C – I am one of the most self aware people that I know. I won’t say my soul is uneasy but I am on “team resolution” at new years. I always find at least one something to eliminate or one goal to conquer when the year rolls in. that always calls on some reflection and (in my case) there is usually some collateral damage. lol. for instance, I recently joked with a broke friend that I was going to have to cut out all these broke azz heffas in my life. on the one hand, I was joking. on the other hand, I was serious. still, ultimately, I’m a loyal type so I end up consistently fussing about broke folks in my circle. lol. I’ve found that the giving something up resolution is relatively easy for me once I commit to it. the conquering of goals, I’ve determined, isn’t always based upon my own actions. sometimes you do everything right but it’s not for you. yeah. I put my thinking cap on in December. I start planning and making check lists in December. lol.

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
11:30 am

disco, I’mm go out on a limb and ask this…..does December “depress” you because this is a time of year usually relegated for “love”, and since you aren”t in love, or the loving mood, you tend to dismiss this time of year????

disco

December 3rd, 2013
11:34 am

2C – naw. I think that’s the cliché canned response that people expect. every single person is supposed to be depressed and/or suicidal during the holidays. naw, it ain’t even like that with me. for instance I have a home improvement checklist. I’m not promising to commit to the whole thing (I think there are 10 projects on the list, some small, some larger) but I figure if I knock out three of the things on the list I’m good. a few years back, I resolved to one weekend getaway every other month. that worked out well but now I’m upping the stakes on that one to taking 3 “real” trips per year.

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
11:36 am

here’s a blog hug for all y’all blog gals that may be feeling some type of way this holiday season…..from me to y’all….

{{{{{{{us}}}}}}}}

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
11:38 am

gal, you’sa strong one…..I’m taking my hat off in advance to the dude that gets you on his team!!!!

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
11:40 am

The time around the holidays can be a little depressing for some that have lost love ones around that time. My grandmother says she gets a little sad because that’s when her mother died, around Christmas.

While I love December & the holidays, they are not the same since my parents & youngest brother passed. My mom did so much to make the holidays and the house so beautiful and my dad and brother were so much fun. My mom’s favorite Christmas cd was Nat King Cole’s & she would have it on the stereo all over the house. I can’t quite take hearing Chestnut’s Roasting on the radio without getting a little misty.

disco

December 3rd, 2013
11:47 am

kimmie – I’ve never been a fan of the holidays. I think mostly because my family was just so big and (even as a child) all those people got on my nerves. the holidays were madhouse and while I know many love the hustle and bustle I absolutely hate it. plus I was the “good kid” who stayed behind to help grandma get her house/kitchen back in order.

kimmie – I know I said I was out the “party game” but I was actually considering an “accessory swap” gathering around new years. not a gift exchange but a chance for chicks to clean out their closets and trade purses, belts, scarves, costume jewelry etc that they don’t use anymore. I’m still twirling it around in my mind.

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
11:47 am

Disco – I read you as very organized & December is the time you do your “organizing” for the year. Sounds like you’re just not in the mood to do all that thinking and organizing right now.

Mrs. SexyCool

December 3rd, 2013
11:49 am

Is it just me or does Wise “know” a lot of lame @ss dudes?

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
11:49 am

Disco – That sound like a fabulous idea!! Although for me if I went, it would be more unloading that swapping. I really need to clear out alot of things I’m either tired of or will never get to using!!LOL!!

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
11:50 am

SCool – You read my mind! :shock:

Miss Moni

December 3rd, 2013
11:53 am

-Disco Your accessory swap is a great idea. You should do it!!! :-)

-Kimmie I’m an organizer by nature and December in my mind means gearing up for the new year in all aspects of your life. Time to update vision boards and goals, you know make sure I got my “stuff” together.

disco

December 3rd, 2013
11:56 am

moni – the problem is I’m “funny acting”. on a good day I’m like “yeah, I’m’a do it”. on a not so good day I’m like “those chicks need to host a party. always sitting around waiting on me to do it”. it could go either way. lol.

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
11:57 am

Moni – I know that’s right. I like to hear folks that got it together or at least are trying to get it or keep it together! Self-improvement should always be an on-going project.

YesSheIsCute

December 3rd, 2013
12:01 pm

Leggs, ain’t that a b? LOL Are you still going to go see it? It was so good! I think I wanna read the books. I can’t wait til November 2014 and November 2014 for part I and II of Part III.

My male best friend made me promise not to see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” without him and that once he got out the halfway house we would see it. Needless to say he forgot all about that and saw it with his next girlfriend. I still haven’t seen it. Maybe it’s on Netflix…..

Sassy Me

December 3rd, 2013
12:02 pm

Is it just me or does Wise “know” a lot of lame @ss dudes?

I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking this…sounds like they need to grow a pair..

Miss Moni

December 3rd, 2013
12:04 pm

-Disco LOL at “funny acting” but I do understand.

-Kimmie I already purchased wall calendars for my house, 2 weeks ago. :-)

disco

December 3rd, 2013
12:12 pm

FYI – I don’t know if any of you are cruisers but princess has a deal through the end of the month on select sailings where you get your cruise fare back as a future credit on your next cruise. whatever you pay now, your next cruise (to be taken in 2014) is discounted by that amount.

YesSheIsCute

December 3rd, 2013
12:19 pm

@disco link me up

MsAtl

December 3rd, 2013
12:22 pm

Ummm, I’m thinking that maybe the bride should have asked the groom his number???
http://bcove.me/29lbvpk8

disco

December 3rd, 2013
12:23 pm

yes – I don’t even know what that means.

Mrs. SexyCool

December 3rd, 2013
12:24 pm

disco – the accessory swap idea crossed my mind just yesterday.

Mrs. SexyCool

December 3rd, 2013
12:32 pm

And I’m not even into accessories like that.

YesSheIsCute

December 3rd, 2013
12:43 pm

@disco “link me up” means to include the link. Or you can send to my email inga.maraj@gmail.com either way. I would like to go on a cruise.

disco

December 3rd, 2013
12:48 pm

yes – lol. girl you know I’m “old school”. how about you just go to the princess website and take a peek. lol. i read about it over the weekend, emailed my travel agent for details and just heard back. that’s why I thought about it. I do know it’s for select 4-5 night cruises. they have to be booked by 12/31/13 and the future discounted cruise has to be 7 nights or more and booked by 12/31/14.

Button

December 3rd, 2013
1:03 pm

It’s not my business to know a new flame number, that’s just tacky and silly to ask a person how many lovers they had. Unless he/she is a PROVEN virgin then it’s no one’s business. I always suspected that my ex had a number above 1, my only conern would be his STD status, nothing else.

Good afternoon!

DuShawn

December 3rd, 2013
1:13 pm

Magic Number? I lost count when I was a teenager. Grown folks have no interest in such foolishness.

Kat

December 3rd, 2013
1:23 pm

I think I know why Tim is still single.

DuShawn

December 3rd, 2013
1:45 pm

I think a more revealing question is how many different people have you had sex with in one day? Personally, that’s a number that I’m ashamed of. However, at the time I was proud as hell.

Single & Happy

December 3rd, 2013
1:50 pm

Hey again everyone,

Disco twin, you’re scrooge, I’m the grinch, :-D

Du Shawn, why you shame?

DuShawn

December 3rd, 2013
2:25 pm

S & H I was a young dude, and had wild house party. Ashamed is too strong of a word. Time has a way of changing your opinion. Back then I was proud of the way I manipulated those women, now I realize that’s nothing to be proud of.

Leggs

December 3rd, 2013
2:29 pm

YSIC ~ yes, I’m going to see the movie, probably by myself.

2C ~ I’m with disco in feeling that not every single person not in a relationship has to be feeling some kind of miserable. I love myself and usually have a good time with myself. I do feel sorry for those who become suicidal or depressed over the holidays. All that tells me is that their mindset is muddled and the succumb to the belief that if you’re not with anyone over the holidays you’re worthless. Hell, their self-esteem had to already have taken a deep cut before the holidays arrived.

DuShawn ~ I think that is THE question of the day!

disco ~ I’m actually laughing at you not knowing what “link me up” meant!\

MsAtl ~ that footage was crazy, however, I would have loved to have been there watching that fight. Unfortunately, the other woman was pregnant so no joy in that, but I do love a good fight.

DuShawn

December 3rd, 2013
2:33 pm

answer it Leggs……what’s your magic number (at the same time don’t count). I won’t judge.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 3rd, 2013
2:34 pm

Hey, I’m willing to answer…but not be first….

Single & Happy

December 3rd, 2013
2:37 pm

DuShawn ~ I think that is THE question of the day! so leggs, whats your number (LOL)

Exiled!

December 3rd, 2013
2:40 pm

U still on numbers?

Damn,I was too busy.

Disco..I’m gon give u my personal Cel# so u call me next time when we got a good one.

I hate being late!
Damn.. :lol:

Adam

December 3rd, 2013
2:41 pm

I know I certainly don’t want to be with someone who has been a “Door Knob” I know people can change but that is just gross. My parents didn’t raise me to be a whore, but raised me to have integrity and reserve, which ALLOT of people lack. Sex is special not just something to do that feels good.

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
2:45 pm

Yes – They show Forgetting Sarah Marshall on cable all the time, if you have it. I mean, I don’t think a good 2 weeks go by that I don’t see it when I’m flipping thru the channels. I like that little movie though, it’s cute.

As for telling your number or any other personals, I think it’s just tacky to have your business all in the street like that. I mean this stupid Tim dude is asking that mess coming out the gate. Why would you expect someone to share such personal business with someone they barely know? That’s like sleeping with someone you met 10 minutes ago. Then have the nerve to expect them to be pure as the driven snow. Dude better go sit down somewhere!

disco

December 3rd, 2013
2:48 pm

leggs – I ain’t even shame. my first inclination is to just look something up on my own OR if I had to ask, I’d be all proper about it talking about “can you send me a link?” told y’all I’m both crooked and straight. lol.

disco

December 3rd, 2013
2:49 pm

ex – call you? so I can have some loud African lady cussing at me in English, French and Swahili? I pass.

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
2:51 pm

The question is “what is YOUR definition of a ho?”. Ho is more than a number. Somebody could be the biggest ho in the world and their actual number of folks they slept with is 2 or 3.

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
2:53 pm

Disco – My auntie signed up for that cruise special. She’s taking hers next fall on a ship she’s been dying to get on.