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Dating: Magic Number Conundrum

When you are in a brand new relationship, you may convince yourself that knowing every single thing about your new love is important. I am here to tell you that this can be dangerous. Especially when you get in to the magic number conundrum: Do you reveal your body count when asked how many partners you have had? Well, for starters, I don’t think it is a good question to ask in the beginning. New romances need time to cook, as it were, and it is already a fragile thing. Why muck it up with all kind of dirty details of your past?

I have a friend Tim, who has a bad habit of wanting to know the exact magic number. He actually believes that this information is necessary and important, so he asks the women he dates almost immediately. When he gets the response that doesn’t “sit right with him” he starts acting like a jerk to the poor girl. I ask him all the time, “Why ask the question if you may not want or like the answer??” To add insult to injury, Tim is no saint and has his own sexual baggage, so I really don’t get how he sits in judgment of anyone.

Is it fair to ask about the magic number? Would you be totally honest if someone asked you yours? If you aren’t ashamed of the number, should you be bothered when someone asks?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

177 comments Add your comment

Single & Happy

December 3rd, 2013
5:20 am

hello everyone

Magic number, easy, don’t ask, don’t tell. Somethings are just really none of your business!!

lee

December 3rd, 2013
6:53 am

Morin

There is no magic about the number. It is what it is for you.

Is Tim telling all before he asks or is he just nosey so he can pass judgement on other?. btw I don’t believe in that double standard men can do all but women can not. Tim go kick rocks in traffic maybe you will develop some wisdom. smh

Miss Moni

December 3rd, 2013
7:37 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

The good ole “Magic Number” question. . . My take on it is, don’t ask a question that you aren’t prepared to hear the answer for. Your journey in a NEW relationship begins when YOU meet the person. As long as they are STD free, then it really shouldn’t matter about their sexual history. Tim is being delusional.

MsAtl

December 3rd, 2013
8:29 am

Morning All!

I am not ashamed of my number. Do I think it is fair to ask? No; does it have any bearing on who the person is or what they are doing today? Is it relevant to the relationship? Once you get past a certain age, you would expect that anyone you date will have a sexual history. Communicate, get tested, and go from there. Tim needs to go sit down somewhere!

Miss Moni

December 3rd, 2013
8:33 am

“Tim needs to go sit down somewhere!”

-MsAtl EXACTLY!!!

SlimNu

December 3rd, 2013
8:43 am

No no nooooo, my whole post went into the black hole :cry:

YesSheIsCute

December 3rd, 2013
8:45 am

Is that still important? I agree with MsAtl and Miss Moni.

disco

December 3rd, 2013
8:46 am

good morning. tim’s date ought to flip the script. when he starts talking about number she should start talking about numbers. ask tim his income, his savings balance, his credit limit, his credit score. ask him about his retirement plan and his insurance policies. if you want to cut, ask him how many inches he toting in his draws. shoot, I got some numbers for his behind. tell tim “don’t start none won’t be none”.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 3rd, 2013
8:58 am

Ahhh, Disco…

A grown man don’t mind sharing any of those numbers, and don’t care about the other one.

All I need to know is that she’s done it enough to like it and be good at it.

Reio

December 3rd, 2013
9:05 am

Morning all.

Well, Tim can ask what he wants. She doesn’t have to answer. What does it matter anyway?
Suppose she tells the truth? How can Tim Verify it?
Suppose she tells a lie? How can Tim verify it?

Tim’s a fool. Asking a question, to which, there is no way to verify the answer.

If I am a teenager, my parents leave on Friday to attend the funeral of one of their childhood friends that was recently involved in a car crash with a train in which this friend was killed and his brains, guts, legs, arms, blood and guts were strewn along the tracks for a half mile. But before they leave, they tell this teenager to get up the following morning before eight and make breakfast for his younger sister. They return Saturday evening and ask him if he got up before eight like he was instructed. He answers “Yes”. How can they verify this? No way, so why even ask. Jus sayin.

Miss Moni

December 3rd, 2013
9:06 am

YES Disco is READY for battle!!! Bring on Tim, LOL!!!

SlimNu

December 3rd, 2013
9:20 am

I mean, at a certain age you pretty much know whoever you deal with is not a virgin. Unless you’ve heard many stories from others being with the chick, wtf cares? I know in the world of men, many feel that if a woman has a plethora of bedded men, she’s considered a garden tool. If he, on the other hand, has slept with just a many folks, he’s considered a playa/pimp.

Lovely morning isn’t it? (this is me faking it until i make it)

Reio

December 3rd, 2013
9:40 am

When I dated, I used to ask a lot of questions. Never this one though. All I wanted to know is whether she was against being intimate before marriage or not. Her past was never a concern of mine.

Of course, had she asked me the same question, I would have given her the actual number(If I could remember the actual number), or given her a good estimate. Why? Cause when I dated, I didn’t give a damn. She got the truth from me. That way, if she decided to continue the relationship, I would know that it was because of an interest in me, and not lies that I had told her. I never lied. You got a problem with the truths that I told? Hit the road little girl. And don’t look back. I’ll do the same.

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
9:40 am

number? who cares…..

wait, I wanna know the number of folks this innanet gal, Sharkeisha don’ knocked out!!!

disco

December 3rd, 2013
9:43 am

dan – a grown man doesn’t mind sharing those numbers? well heck, let me get a glass of water, wet my whistle, and get to asking. ijs.

slim – even a man who ain’t hardly getting any likes to fancy himself a player or pimp. even the dude who is signing over his check to some chick likes to fancy himself a player or a pimp. the poor male species. lol.

SlimNu

December 3rd, 2013
9:46 am

disco – you’re a trip! :lol: Save their souls lol

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
9:47 am

Morning All!!

Wonder what Tim would say if he asked the question and the answer was “I don’t know”? LOL!!

I don’t recall off-hand what my number is. Not because it’s so MANY, but because I’m no spring chicken and it’s been many years since losing my virginity at age 19. If I sat and thought about it, I could come up with one. It’s just that I don’t dwell on the past. When I’m done, I truly let you go, body, mind and spirit.

Tim sounds like a silly young dude or a silly old dude with nothing else to occupy his time and his thoughts. Maybe that’s why he’s still single. Other than a woman’s health status should they decide to “go there”, Tim should concern himself with getting to know other things about the ladies he dates. But the fact that he flips over the answers tells me he’s cray cray!! :shock:

MsAtl

December 3rd, 2013
9:49 am

2C- It took me a minute to figure out who this Sharkeisha was that everyone was talking about. I’ve seen the video- lil vicious trop-mouth heathen! Fighting over a boy instead of digging in them books, now her tail is going to jail or juvie over some mess. I’m glad that poor Shamichael is okay.

Celisea

December 3rd, 2013
9:49 am

When he gets the response that doesn’t “sit right with him” he starts acting like a jerk to the poor girl

Ummm, Tim ain’t met the right one yet….IJS Also, how old is Tim?? Seriously

MsAtl

December 3rd, 2013
9:50 am

Kimmie- I know what the number is, but who really cares???

Single & Happy

December 3rd, 2013
9:51 am

Dan, who shares those numbers, those are none of your business either, unless we’re getting married.

I wonder if the number would matter if it’s was 1000 times with 1000 men, or 1000 times with one man?? it’s still the same number!!

disco

December 3rd, 2013
9:52 am

kimmie – see your post made me think of crazy answers. I could see me looking at tim and going “hmmm. your brother tony, that’s one. I slept with two of your frat, that’s 3. remember that guy benny that used to work on your car. that’s 4. your cousin mike mike. that’s 5. mike mike was something boy (with a big old smile on my face). do you know that cat up he way they call skittles? the one that got out of jail? yeah, I used to kick it with him. wait. give me a minute. let me think”.

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
9:53 am

MsAtl – Well, Tim cares, but who is he?LOL!!!!!

Cel – I really would like to know his age too!!

Wise Diva, please tell us how old this dude is!!!!!LOL!!!

Celisea

December 3rd, 2013
9:55 am

Kimmie – If he’s about Diva’s age (being her friend or in her circle), I’m giving the side eye. Dude is too old for this kind of mess. First for asking and secondly for acting janky. It’s folks like this that need to be lied to. Tell him what he want to hear.

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
9:58 am

Disco – LOL!!! Knowing me, if a dude came out with that stupid question out the gate, like Tim, before I have even decided I want to GO THERE with him, then it’s over before we even get started. So might as well have some fun with it and really give him something to clown about!LOL!!!

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
10:00 am

Cel – I don’t even know what he wants to hear though! I gotta feeling Tim doesn’t even know what he wants to hear!!LOL!!

Reio

December 3rd, 2013
10:01 am

“Wonder what Tim would say if he asked the question and the answer was “I don’t know”? LOL!!”

Yes, Kimmie, good question. I was wondering the same thing. If she says “I don’t remember”. What now?

My big problem with this, is not the question, cause, like I said, Tim can ask whatever he wants. It’s up to her as to whether she answers or not. But my problem with this is
“When he gets the response that doesn’t “sit right with him” he starts acting like a jerk to the poor girl”

Why do this? Why not inform her that the answer she gave was not satisfactory, and he would be terminating the relationship, as a result. Don’t start acting like a jerk and treating her badly cause she did not respond with a answer to your liking. Just foolish.

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
10:02 am

Tim wanna know how many dudes she slept with cause he’s tired of folks laughin at him when he’s with ol girl in public……bout like Kanye, and Kim K……damn gal, where you learnt that at?

Celisea

December 3rd, 2013
10:02 am

Kimmie – I’m guessing he wants the low number but the all out experience. Big dummy!!

I have NEVER been asked such a question. I wish a dude would. That’s a cause for getting dismissed….with the quickness. IMO, dudes that worry about such is placing too much emphasis on the wrong thing and sitting ready to pass judgement. Just like he don’t want a “slut” per se, I don’t either. Don’t nobody want no dude that’s slept with every woman in America? IJS So, if I’m not asking (while not really wanting a male ho), then please, don’t ask me.

Celisea

December 3rd, 2013
10:04 am

Kelly Price’s version of Ave’ Maria is awesome. Got me buying it on iTunes.

Leggs

December 3rd, 2013
10:07 am

“…you may convince yourself that knowing every single thing about your new love is important.” – I never thought this.

First, no one should ask what’s your body count. All you need to know is I wasn’t a virgin when you met me. Thank goodness, I’ve never been asked that question because although I don’t know how to give the “stink eye,” I will if asked!

Good morning! WTH is wrong with 285 almost every freaking morning!!!

Miss Moni

December 3rd, 2013
10:11 am

-Disco Cracking up at your 9:52. You definitely would ruffle Tim’s feathers.

-Kimmie I too was 19 when I lost my virginity, which seems like so many moons ago.

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
10:12 am

what if you don’t ask, but later find out your dude, or gal, is a slut? Do you break it off?

Reio

December 3rd, 2013
10:13 am

What she should say is :

“Don’t know. Must be dozens. I’ll say, Oh, I don’t know, maybe, forty three or so? Oh, and by the way, give your brother my number. Tell him to call me. He’s cuter than you anyway. Stankin fugga.”

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
10:18 am

Cel – I was asked one time by a boyfriend after we had been dating over a year. He was a little nosey about alot of things. He was freinds with one of my younger brothers. He made a comment before that my family was private about alot of things, like me nor my brother would tell him our salaries! He asked me the number of guys I had been with and I hit the roof and asked him why he needed to know. He said it just got on his nerves that me & my brother were so “secretive” about things. I told him some shid was none of his damn business!! At the time, he was only my 3rd, but I didn’t tell him!

Sassy Me

December 3rd, 2013
10:19 am

if you want to cut, ask him how many inches he toting in his draws.

—————–flatline—————-

That’s what I’m talking about…flip the script and see exactly how fast he changes his tune..

From his credit score down to the twiggs n berries…

Good post disco…cosign with that ALL day..

On topic: Some things are better left unsaid. People ask questions that hurts their feelings when they get the answer and it just leads to a host of other issues/questions/hurt feeling, etc…

disco

December 3rd, 2013
10:20 am

reio – re brothers. I have one ex that I constantly torment by saying I wish I had met his brother first. if I even so much as ask how his brother is doing or if he’s talked to his brother he starts feeling some kind of way. just the other night I was speaking with another ex and was telling him how this chick used to tell me she was afraid of his brother. I blurted out “shoot, I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I would have been all over that”. I had to laugh and then go back and make sure he didn’t take it the wrong way. he was cool. that other dude. man he would have been ready to cry had I said that about his brother. lol.

Sassy Me

December 3rd, 2013
10:21 am

*hurt feelings*…I digress

Reio…you wrong for that :lol: :mrgreen:

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
10:23 am

kimmie…really? what dude asks another dude how much money they make????

MsAtl

December 3rd, 2013
10:33 am

2C- “what if you don’t ask, but later find out your dude, or gal, is a slut? Do you break it off?”
Whether it was 2 or 20 in the past, if they are a slut now, then yes, I break it off!

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
10:33 am

2C – I don’t think he had the cajones to flat out ask him. Thing is, he use to brag and floss all the time about shid and volunteer information and felt like others should do the same. How much money he was making, how much he paid for his car, outfit, etc. He came from a decent family, but acted like he wasn’t used to anything nice. Me & my family were different. Quality speaks for itself, you don’t have to brag. Only time I mention how much I paid for something is if I caught some kind of monster sale at Macy’s or something.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 3rd, 2013
10:34 am

@SH

I’m all about honestly bruh, the D has nothing to hide.

Giving her PII like social DOB (with year) is where the personal comes in but 742 is not a problem for me to give to anyone…..I’m proud of it

Reio

December 3rd, 2013
10:36 am

disco – Well, I can remember a period ,years ago, when my brother had a girlfriend. She had a sister. On many occasions, not all the time, but on many occasions, she would come over and bring her sister. And on many occasions, if I just happened to be in the same room when my brother would leave for the bathroom or go check on some burgers or dogs on the grill, her sister would say “You the one she needs to be wit instead of him.” And then his girlfriend would say “Yeah, you nicer than him. He kinda mean.” They said this quite often. Each time, only once per visit. It was not like he would leave the room five times, and they would say it five times. They said it the first time he left, and didn’t repeat it on any other times he left the room during any given visit. I laughed it off each time. Never told him about it though. He actually could be kinda mean, however . Funny.

Celisea

December 3rd, 2013
10:37 am

Kimmie – Your 10:18, you should have told him, it ain’t a secret, it’s just private….nunya

disco

December 3rd, 2013
10:42 am

does anyone other than me have a slight attitude when they look at the calendar and see December?

kimmie

December 3rd, 2013
10:42 am

Cel – I told him that & more!LOL!

Anyway, whatever the question is, I don’t have to lie and I don’t have to answer either.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

December 3rd, 2013
10:45 am

@SH

I will agree that the income, savings, balance, and credit limit(s) -(really, who only has one) – are a bit much, but I could tell her that too, don’t mean she gets access to any of it.

And, the moment she got moist hearing all those numbers she’d eventually hear one mo: 4(f).

1. find ‘em
2. fool ‘em
3. fugg ‘em
4. forgit ‘em

2CPTG©

December 3rd, 2013
10:46 am

disco, why don’t you like December?

Leggs

December 3rd, 2013
10:48 am

“does anyone other than me have a slight attitude when they look at the calendar and see December?” – Probably just you….December is a beautiful month (lol).

Reio

December 3rd, 2013
10:50 am

DAN – Yoosa fool!!