accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Love or loneliness?

The other day, I read something that really caught my attention. I’m paraphrasing but it was something like “Until you become comfortable with being alone, you will never know if you are choosing someone out of love or loneliness.” Do you agree with this?

There is something that clicked when I read it because I know that being single has its challenges, but being with the wrong person is my personal version of hell.
Perhaps it is my inner commitment phobia that causes that anxiety.

I have gone for long periods of time without a serious relationship. When I meet someone great, I feel pretty confident that I am not picking that special person because I am lonely. I have done that before and it did NOT end well. Thankfully, I can recall that awful situation every time I feel tempted to call the toxic bachelor who is a bigger commitment phobe than I am or the now married ex-boyfriend who still carries a torch.

Do you ever wonder if you are dating simply out of loneliness? Does the fear of being alone make you endure way too much unnecessary dating drama?

HAPPY MONDAY!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

191 comments Add your comment

Single & Happy

December 2nd, 2013
6:02 am

Hello everyone

I tell people something along these lines all the time.

If you don’t know how to make yourself happy, how do you expect someone else to know how to do it!!

The same goes for being lonely, If you know how to make yourself happy, you will never be lonely. you won’t expect someone, or something to fill a void in your life, instead they will enhance your life. Because you will be picking them for that reason.

Does the fear of being alone make you endure way too much unnecessary dating drama? For some people, yes but not for me, Love will, but no way for loneliness.

lee

December 2nd, 2013
6:55 am

Single stated it all in his post.

I know several people who are utterly alone and miserable in their marriage, yet they stay because they do not want to be alone.

I maybe alone but im not lonely, doing things that make me happy all the time

Hope everyone’s Turkey was great.

Miss Moni

December 2nd, 2013
8:12 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-) *My co-worker got breakfast for the office, so I’m all smiles!*

Do you ever wonder if you are dating simply out of loneliness? Nope, I’ve learned from previous experiences that I’d rather WAIT for quality versus just dating anybody. I’ve seen people choose someone based on lonliness and sooner or later it just doesn’t go well. When the REAL reasons come out as to why they are together, someone’s feelings gets hurt.

There is a BIG difference between being single & enjoying your singleness versus being single & thirsty/desperate!!!

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
8:54 am

Good morning MIA, I hope you all enjoyed the holiday.

It’s a terrible feeling to be with someone you want to be with and still feel alone.
Anyway, i’m still on an insomnia kick and only really got one night of sleep in over a week. I think i’m going to go postal pretty soon. I just don’t want to get in the habit of taking something just to catch some zzzz’s :???:

Miss Moni

December 2nd, 2013
8:59 am

-Slim Please get some sleep ASAP! Lack of sleep is the cause for people doing a many of things. . . You may just need to try something small like change your pillows.

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
9:12 am

Moni – I know it’s important to get sleep but it really is catching up to me…I do not feel like my usual fun loving self. It’s funny you mentioned pillows, because I have noticed i can’t seem to get comfortable anymore. I have those temper-pedic pillows but maybe it’s time for some new ones even though they aren’t that old at all. I’m feeling like Pookie right about now. :shock:

Reio

December 2nd, 2013
9:14 am

Morning all!!

Hope everyone enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday. I did. We went out to Marietta. My daughter said it’s actually in Kennesaw (wherever that is). But it was nice. Got there Wednesday and left Friday. She lives in some area called ‘Chastain’ something or other. It was wonderful.

Anyway; Don’t know much about being lonely. Particularly when I was younger, during my dating years, I could always look people up for anything. I never did, but I could even look up some women to pass the time with(I believed). There were a number of them that I felt would spend some time with me, no string attached. But, I suppose, knowing that that option was available was more than enough to keep me grounded, and not go out to find someone to use. Even if she was willing to be used. I got the feeling that they(these women), didn’t really care about a relationship, as long as I could show up, with some regularity, and give them what they wanted, or felt they needed.

And I agree that there are a lot of lonely people out there because they have yet to discover a way to make themselves happy, which leads them to seek it in others. Too bad. So sad.

Miss Moni

December 2nd, 2013
9:20 am

Awwww, I understand. I’m so not a nice person when I don’t get my sleep. You may want to consider having a deep tissue massage as well. That has been known to help one get a good night’s sleep.

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
9:23 am

Moni – I know something that could put me to sleep but um… :???:

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
9:32 am

Reio

December 2nd, 2013
9:32 am

” I know something that could put me to sleep but um… :???:

Sounds like the same remedy my wife uses…heheheee.

But, you know what I heard? People that can’t get much sleep in December 2013 are actually dying, and have only 6-10 days left to live. Think I read that somewhere. So, get your will in order, along with your personal effects, cause the grim reaper has just parked in front of your house, threw it in park, cut the engine, removed the keys, opened the door, and put his left foot on the ground. Your final hour approaches. You’ll be missed……Hehehehehe.

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
9:33 am

Reio – Well dayum! Go ahead and throw the dirt on me why dontcha. :roll:

Reio

December 2nd, 2013
9:36 am

“Well dayum! Go ahead and throw the dirt on me why dontcha”

Won’t have to. Cemetery workers are paid to do that. They’re pros. You just pick your lot out as soon as you can. Leave the rest up to them. Ok?

MsAtl

December 2nd, 2013
9:44 am

Morning All!

Well damn Reio- can she at least enjoy her last Christmas? Lol.

Slim- Seriously, get some sleep. Try the eucalyptus pillow mist from Bath & Body works or some chamomile tea.

On topic- Good post Single- I say the same thing; you have to be comfortable being alone. Sometimes folks are not happy being alone and try to make other people responsible for their happiness, which ends up making both people miserable. Alone does not mean lonely. Hell, I feel less lonely now than I did in my marriage and I certainly was not alone then.

Btw- Yes, I ate too much over the holiday. I hear the Wii calling me…

Reio

December 2nd, 2013
9:47 am

I enjoyed all the food out there in Marietta. The only thing that I didn’t like immediately, was my daughter’s string bean casserole. Had some kind of soup or creamy stuff in it. Less creamy stuff and more string beans is what I thought it needed. But who am I? I can boil water if someone is watching and helping me do it.

Miss Moni

December 2nd, 2013
9:47 am

-Slim Don’t go there, LOL!!!

Single & Happy

December 2nd, 2013
9:48 am

Hey slim, is everything all right? is something not letting you sleep?

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
9:48 am

Reio – I don’t have the energy for you this morning….In my mind, i’m smashing your head between my pointer finger and thumb. Anyway….

moving right along

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
9:49 am

Moni :lol:

Single – Not really sure but I had hoped it would pass by now. Something just doesn’t feel right.

kimmie

December 2nd, 2013
9:53 am

Morning Lovely Blog People!!

I had a nice T-day, quiet. My first stab at making dressing and pumpkin pie were a smashing success, I believe! I got compliments!

Reio – Did your wife go thru with her baking plans?

On topic – I understand it can be tempting to latch on to someone out of loneliness, especially for those that are not comfortable being by themselves and especially during the holidays. I have been there. Please resist the urge at all costs. It will just lead to a whole new set of issues. So much that lonely will start to look real good to you again! I learned to get busy doing something, anything, to occupy my time. Get a hobby, go grab your neice or nephew and hang out with them, just get busy. You’ll soon find that you don’t have time to be lonely.

Miss Moni

December 2nd, 2013
9:53 am

I can honestly say that I did NOT overeat during Thanksgiving! :-)

Reio

December 2nd, 2013
9:53 am

SlimNu – Don’t worry. If you wait long enough, you’ll fall asleep, and you’ll feel fine. At least you know what will work. Just get that, and you should be fine. It’s worked in the past, sounds like.

Single & Happy

December 2nd, 2013
9:56 am

MsAtl, you should have joined me at the gym Thurs morning, burn the calories before I put them on.

Slim, are you used to sleeping alone?

MsAtl

December 2nd, 2013
10:02 am

Single- Oh sure, now you tell me!

Reio

December 2nd, 2013
10:04 am

” Did your wife go thru with her baking plans?”

Well, kinda, sorta. As the holiday approached, she did the usual, Showing up at Publix and pretty much buying them out. Bring all kinda sh!t home and leaving it out. Not putting stuff away in the pantry like she usually does. But for some reason, she didn’t bake anything yet. I suppose our going out to Georgia had a lot to do with it. But there is still a bunch of vanilla extract, self rising flour, butter, baking chocolate, eggs, Graham cracker pie crusts…out the azz, in the kitchen. And that bag of sweet potatoes is still on the kitchen floor. I ain’t asked no questions, but looks like it might be a tough Christmas season coming up. I just hope she talks to our daughter, and find out how to make sure the pie crusts are baked under the bottom like her’s was.

kimmie

December 2nd, 2013
10:04 am

Single – I went out for a walk in the sunny but freezing morning of T-day. My hubs thought I was crazy, but it was exhillerating! That would not have been something I would have normally done, but I am really making an effort to not only drop a few pounds, but just lead a healthier lifestyle. It’s working because I am really feeling good!

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
10:05 am

Single – Um, i’m used to both. lol

Single & Happy

December 2nd, 2013
10:07 am

msAtl, I thought everybody knew that (LOL)

Robert

December 2nd, 2013
10:07 am

” Does the fear of being alone make you endure way too much unnecessary dating drama”

Women “fear” being alone especially during the holiday season. Some women will settle for less and share a man (married/single/down-low) regardless of the consequences of their actions.

Men “fear” having to live up to the expectations of being in a serious relationship especially during the holiday’s (visiting his/her family, friends, etc.). Some men will try to buy their woman’s love and affection (money, flowers, etc.) as a substitute for real love hoping their women will choose his financial strengths (job, money, etc.) over his relationship weaknesses ( insecurity, trust, etc.).

The solution for women is “do not settle for less” (married/single/down-low). Any man that does not value you, does not deserve you.

The solution for men is “don’t try to buy your woman’s love and affection” (money, flowers, etc.). Any woman will recognize the difference. Money is not a substitute for real love.

disco

December 2nd, 2013
10:10 am

good morning.

first things first, as long as folks recognize that alone and lonely aren’t the same thing we’re all good. I’ve been alone and not lonely and with folks and lonely as heck. I’ve been talking to folks (friends/family/male suitors) and wondering why the heck I’m wasting this time in my life talking to them. not being lonely is about a connection that doesn’t necessarily come from there being more than one person around.

disco

December 2nd, 2013
10:11 am

reio – dang is right re slim. I read a book recently that was narrated by the grim reaper. dude gets a bad rap. no one understands just how hard he works AND he never gets time off. food for thought. lol.

Single & Happy

December 2nd, 2013
10:12 am

Kimmie, I was surprised by how many people were at the gym. guess alot of people had the same idea. I’m not a big eater, so the holidays are not a problem for me.

kimmie

December 2nd, 2013
10:13 am

Reio – LOL!! The only thing I’m scared of on that list is the self-rising flour. The only thing I use that for is making biscuits. I’d feel better if she had cake flour, like Swans Down. That is good not only for cakes, but cookies and breads and pie crusts too. Nice and feather-light. If she’s fooling with self-rising and not that experienced baking, well that concerns me. Baking is really chemistry, after all…….

Miss Moni

December 2nd, 2013
10:14 am

-Disco Hey!!! I definitely don’t believe in wasting my time. Some folks will spend time with someone who they aren’t interested in at all, just so they won’t be alone. Ain’t nobody got time for that, LOL!!!

disco

December 2nd, 2013
10:16 am

I know both men and women who are way past a certain age (40s, 50s 60s) who have never in their entire lives lived alone. some folks are definitely a lot more comfortable with it than others. I have friends/family members that keep what I call “open houses” because they like having people around. me? if you don’t call, you don’t get it. there will be no random drop bys and my house will never be the hangout spot. different strokes.

Miss Moni

December 2nd, 2013
10:16 am

-Kimmie I would love for Reio to take pics of what she actually creates/bakes. . . Sounds like it’s going to be real interesting.

-Reio Just smile and eat it anyway! :-D

disco

December 2nd, 2013
10:18 am

moni – lol. I spend time with folks I’m not interested in but it’s not about a lonely/being alone thing. it’s because we cool and can hang out but I just don’t like them “like that”. I actually prefer time alone. I have to be in a certain frame of mind to go be around folks which is why I decline a lot of invitations especially to holiday gatherings. my logic is I don’t want to be bothered with my family, why go through the motions with someone else’s family.

MsAtl

December 2nd, 2013
10:25 am

Disco- I know what you mean. My last holiday company leaves tomorrow and all I can think about is being alone, getting into a t-shirt and short, putting on some music, and cleaning up after my company, lol.

Single & Happy

December 2nd, 2013
10:27 am

Disco, people don’t seem to understand that I’m not lonely. and I let them have that, not my problem.

Reio

December 2nd, 2013
10:27 am

I was a bit ticked off though. Although I didn’t let on about it. But would you believe my daughter and some of her buddies actually Bar-B-Cued, Wednesday? Yes, they did. Only problem is, on Thanksgiving, I didn’t find out about it till later that night, when one of the guests had, what looked to be, a rib bone in her hand as I rounded the corner coming from the living room.

“Excuse me, is that Bar-B-Cue you have?”, “Yes.”, “Where’d you get it?”, “it’s over there in the oven.”, “Oh yea? Which one?”(Daughter has a double oven), “The one on the bottom.”

I walked over to the ovens, bent down, opened the bottom door, saw the pan, pulled the foil back, and sure enough, Bar-B-Cue ribs for days! Sh!t!! All this time, I coulda been chowing down on ribs. Didn’t even know they were there. I found room for a little though. But Friday morning? I got up, found them ribs in the fridge, heated some up, and had at it.

My wife came in. “Boy!, What wrong with you? Eatin ribs this early in the morning.”, “Found out about’em late last night.”, “Oh, you didn’t know?”, “No. I didn’t know.”, “Well, I thought you did. They were here all along. She didn’t tell you?”, “Naw. Heffa didn’t tell me nuthin……..” Great ribs. Greens were quite delicious as well. Best breakfast in years.

disco

December 2nd, 2013
10:30 am

reio – you sound like my house. we had “thanksgiving breakfast”. lol. why not? all the food’s done. why sit around waiting for the afternoon when all the food is done by 10am. lol.

kimmie

December 2nd, 2013
10:34 am

Reio – Dang, that sounds good!!!

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
10:34 am

I was surprised by how many people were at the gym

Single – Well be prepared for an influx of newbies in the gym. It’s almost that time for the New Year Resolutioner’s lol

Miss Moni

December 2nd, 2013
10:35 am

-Disco Trust me, I totally understand having to be in the right frame of mind to be around folks. Some days you just don’t want to be bothered. I enjoy my “Me Time”! :-)

Single & Happy

December 2nd, 2013
10:37 am

Slim, there will be a few, but you don’t get that many at 5 am, most of them show up in the evenings. Takes real dedication to be there before it opens.

Disco, my sister from another mother (LOL) food is done, get it while it’s hot (LOL)

disco

December 2nd, 2013
10:38 am

random: my neighbor got engaged over the holiday weekend. my first thought was “Dang. she’s going to move and either sell or rent her house” followed by a quick prayer “dear god, please don’t let me get another janky neighbor”. hey, I already have one irksome neighbor, I can’t be sandwiched between two.

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2013
10:41 am

disco – Well congrats to your neighbor and fingers crossed you won’t get a cray cray replacement. lol

Exiled

December 2nd, 2013
10:43 am

Uall just make it too hard for urselves…u Siingle and Lonely folks!

nothing wrong in being lonely and wanting somebody to come fill the void….nobody says it has to be Anybody!

..starting on the defensive after Thanksgiving? smdh

I wld rather folks admit theyre lonely than pretend that u single and happy!

I know a single lady that always visiting folks..etc..and she says she aint lonely…swearing in the face,”I aint lonely!” hmmmpfff

Some people! :lol:

Hello MIA

Reio

December 2nd, 2013
10:47 am

Sent my azz to Kroger’s once, Wednesday. Shortly after we arrived. “Dad, I need you to do something”, “Yea babe, what’s that?”, “I need you to go to Kroger’s for me.”, “Kroger’s? What’s that?” (Ain’t no Kroger’s in Alabama. Used to be, back in the 60’s. Had forgotten all about it). “It’s a grocery story.”, “Oh,yea,yea. Sure, what’ll you need?”, “Some white vinegar, and heavy duty aluminum foil.”, “Ok. Just tell me how to get there.” Question. Ladies, what’s so special about white vinegar and heavy duty aluminum foil? What’s wrong with regular vinegar(If there is such a thing), and regular aluminum foil?

MsAtl

December 2nd, 2013
10:50 am

Ex- Why do you believe that a single person cannot be happy? I am single and I am happy. That is not to say that I don’t have fleeting moments of happiness, but my general disposition is one of happiness. I also value my space and quiet time. While it would be nice to have someone for certain times, generally I am fine in the space I am in right now. Later? Who knows, we are ever evolving…