accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: How honest should we be?

Everyone says that relationships work better when there is honesty. Oddly enough, honesty can have the opposite effect in dating. Can you remember the last time you were totally honest on a date? Do you know how someone would react if you said exactly what you were thinking?

I think everyone tries to filter themselves and put their best foot forward. This usually means we aren’t saying the total truth because the whole truth could get…well rather awkward! So when it comes to dating, how honest should we be and how long should it take for total honesty?

Do you think that people can handle honesty?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

236 comments Add your comment

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
12:44 pm

Ex – As is your right, you can bypass the question….just like many folks do when it comes to some of your comments. Thank you kind sir, please proceed to the left. ;-)

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
12:44 pm

That is some BS right there, disco. Do not EVER call me with a hardship story and when I offer to pay the bill for you instead of giving you the cash and you don’t have your information on hand, I’m going to blast you. I know everyone isn’t like me, but my gas account, electric account, cable account, credit card numbers, expiration dates, delta skymiles numbers are all in my head. Remember your numbers.

She was trying to get a quick loan from her brother and it backfired.

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
12:44 pm

MsAtl…..your “brother-in-law”???? I’on give a damn how I might fall short, it would be hard for me to ask a female for loot….however, there was this one time, when my sister called, and asked me what was up (guess she heard I had a situation going on), she asked me what I needed….I beat around the bush about how much I really needed, and she flat out said, “how much you need?” …..I still didn’t ask tho…

Exiled

November 25th, 2013
12:47 pm

Slim..I will answer it….if i give u money but u got a dude,then I am making sure ur puddy is in lockbox,sooner or later…

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
12:48 pm

I’m guilty of trying to do more for others than I do myself. Always trying to help when I can but when it comes to me, i’m slow to do it.

kimmie

November 25th, 2013
12:51 pm

Disco – I don’t help folks with husbands or that are shacking. When I was single, my family had my back, even if I was dating someone. My close girlfriends and I, when single, would help each other out if our families could not. Just a pride thing, I guess. Once folks marry or shack, all bets are off.

2C – I can respect your 12:44.

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
12:52 pm

I’ain gon lie…..If I know you got a dude, and you ask me for money, yep, I do expect to get some….real talk….hell, he gettin it for free, but you want me to cake you? hell naw!

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
12:53 pm

2C- Yes, my ex’s brother. we knew he was going through a hard time & he didn’t think his brother would help so he called me. I never helped him again after that. And it was always, I will send you $50 a week to pay it back. Man, please! Still waiting on that $500.

disco

November 25th, 2013
12:56 pm

2C – wish you were my brother. that joker recently called me because he needed deposit money for an apartment. a whopping $100 and he was short. I gave him that with the quickness though. at least I know you won’t be trying to run a sob story to come stay with me. smdh.

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
12:57 pm

kimmie, cause my folks know how I get down…..if I’m on my d!ck, they know it’s only for a hot second….and on the other hand, they know I’ll give them (and their kids!) whatever! I got young relatives that’ll call me before they call thier parents….

“Uncle “2″, can you send me this……” and I do it too…..

disco

November 25th, 2013
12:57 pm

leggs – my girl and I go way back but the one time I lent/gifted money to her I sent the money directly to her momma. daggone shame but I simply don’t trust her to do what needs to be done. heck, if she was handling business she wouldn’t be short all the time.

disco

November 25th, 2013
12:59 pm

2C – I don’t mind my niece and nephew calling me for stuff. what I do mind is my sorry brother not being able to meet their needs/wants and telling them to call me. one time my nephew needed money for football registration calling me asking for it talking about his dad told him to call me because “I’m rich”. this is why I would sometimes like to bust my brother right in the jaw. lol.

Exiled

November 25th, 2013
1:00 pm

If I know you got a dude, and you ask me for money, yep, I do expect to get some….real talk

…..I think the real talk is that it is naive for any grown woman(24+) to expect otherwise…or to expect that if her dude found out that she was getting grant money from an ex or another man,it is an arms length transaction and he should not be angry or dismiss her because ..there was no shenanegans!

Ethically,it crossed the line.

disco

November 25th, 2013
1:03 pm

2C – or how come, when my brother and I (the good one) buy my mom stuff we always put that “other” one’s name on the card just to make my mother feel better. she knows her son ain’t worth a dang. sorry summ-a-ma…

ex – I have a gang of cats I can get “no strings attached” money from if I am ever in need. some may crack the occasional joke about getting some but like I told one “you couldn’t get with me if you were adam and I was eve”. it just ain’t going down. EVER.

kimmie

November 25th, 2013
1:04 pm

his dad told him to call me because “I’m rich”.

Disco – Now I would have a major problem with that!! But we have relatives that used to do just that to my parents. Hell, they were trying to raise US to be self-sufficient so why you think they supposed to be helping you?!!!

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
1:14 pm

Disco, you know you got it, you aint got nobody but yourself to take care of (LOL)

Exiled

November 25th, 2013
1:15 pm

I have a gang of cats I can get “no strings attached” money from if I am ever in need. some may crack the occasional joke about getting som

@Disco…but u know you are sepcial so u get a break..

besides u aint got a man(one man!) ….u got a gang of jokkers and freelancers :lol:

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
1:39 pm

Ex ~ how are the men in disco’s life freelancers?

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
1:45 pm

Single – that’s another thing that used to irritate me! Folks thinking just cause u single u got money and time to burn! They don’t know what have going!!

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
1:51 pm

Kimmie – Just recently my mother rubbed me the wrong way. I just given my sister some money to catch up on school for my neice….i’m in the store buying groceries just two days later and I get a text from madukes…she’s saying that I guess my nieces school pics came back but they were outrageously high and my sis couldnt afford to buy any and to call her. I’m thinking, um….heyal naw. I just gave her some money. What I look like? lol

Mrs. SexyCool

November 25th, 2013
1:53 pm

I, too, am of the school of thought that if you have a husband or are shacking or have a man that you are laying up under regularly and he ain’t coming through in a bind – he is not the one you need to be with. Because if there is any asking or borrowing to be done, HE needs to be the one doing it.

One the other hand – I am certainly grateful to be in a position that I am no longer “the borrower.”

Exiled

November 25th, 2013
1:56 pm

Leggs….he men in disco’s life ..?

so at least we agree,Disco got men not a man in her life? :lol:

anyhoo….theyre freelances because they dont seem to have their own gals…..at least Disco has not disclosed that….they seem broke up guys in themselves..u know,those good for nothing fellas who cant seem to hold a gal down because of lameness even though they may work and make decent money.

Listen to Disco when she talk and how she descibes them. :lol: always putting them down.

I think its a lucrative scavenger hunt for Disco,no doubt.

Lame folks always and consistently getting outta pocket because of the same dern crafty gal! :lol:

..and No puddy! :lol: …theyre always smiling….grinning ear to ear even,when she show up next time! :lol:

Exiled

November 25th, 2013
1:58 pm

if there is any asking or borrowing to be done, HE needs to be the one doing it.

see,this is a grown Married Woman!

thanx Sexxy!

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
2:03 pm

You assumed it was a matter of asking or needing money in a bind. BUddy just wanted to shell out some dollars. Just didn’t make must sense to me. There would have to be an invisible string lingering somewhere

Exiled

November 25th, 2013
2:09 pm

BUddy just wanted to shell out some dollars

there is no assumption that she needs it…Every woman wants diamod and gol..figuratiively speaking..we menfolks know that.

so Buddy will offer it..to entice!

If a man wants to lure the kitty….flashing gol will elicit some attn..maybe a thirsty look from a gal. :lol:

The trick is not to accept..whether u are in a bind or not..

its neither here nor there

DuShawn

November 25th, 2013
2:15 pm

“I have a gang of cats I can get “no strings attached” money from if I am ever in need.”…….There are a few females out there that are so cool with me they can get “no strings attached” loans. The operative word is “loans”. If we ain’t f*&ckin, oh trust, imma want my bread back…….with interest. And don’t try to give me the azz afterwards thinking that will negate your fiduciary obligation. Keep the puddy…run me my money.

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
2:16 pm

Ex ~ I listen to disco. I get what she’s saying about her “sponsors.” I don’t see them as the freelancer. She’s freelancer and they’re doing their best to bark up her tree!

DuShawn

November 25th, 2013
2:21 pm

man that you are laying up under regularly and he ain’t coming through in a bind – he is not the one you need to be with……I agree. If a man refuses to help a woman he’s sleeping with and has the means to do so, she has mistakenly overestimated her value. If he gave a dayum about you, he would help.

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
2:36 pm

DuShawn ~ that definitely hits home. When my home was broken into and I had wood up against the back window until I was able to buy a window there was a man interested in me. He came over after the incident and saw the wood and asked how much it would be to repair it. I told him and said the insurance company would reimburse me. Next thing I knew he had changed the topic. That didn’t sit well with me. No, I didn’t expect him to pay for fixing the window, but since he so desperately wanted to get in my panties he could have offered. That’s how I saw that.

disco

November 25th, 2013
2:41 pm

ex – re that 1:56 – just so you know I don’t deal with sorry dudes UNLESS I am related to them. that’s just different. lol. see earlier emails re my brother. the dudes I deal with are cool. I just don’t want them. I don’t understand why you don’t understand that but I won’t worry myself with it.

Mrs. SexyCool

November 25th, 2013
2:43 pm

M did something for me that was really big financially in the first year of our relationship. It was not a situation that I did not have well in hand. I was paying an IRS bill that I was managing with no problem. He made the decision to give (not loan) me the money to pay it in full because he didn’t want that hanging over me.

It let me know that not only was he willing to have my back, he was able to do so.

And THAT is a sexy @ss feeling.

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
2:44 pm

but since he so desperately wanted to get in my panties he could have offered.

you won’t admit to it, but this is a prime example of putting a price tag on the kitty….

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
2:45 pm

Leggs- He could have seen it as a loan since you were getting reimbursed. I know someone who is always going on about needing a good woman but don’t have 2 nickels to rub together (as grandma used to say) and no in-kind skills. So, ummm, what exactly are you offering a so-called good woman? a puff of your blunt?

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
2:48 pm

MsAtl….why he gotta smoke weed? ‘just sayin…..as y’all can prolly tell, I’m a staunch advocate for pro cannabis……

as Outkast said, “is every nikka wit dreads for the cause, is every nikka wit gold teeth for the fall? naw! ……”

DuShawn

November 25th, 2013
2:49 pm

I can remember the first time wifey came to my house; she met me at this barbershop in the hood, left her car there and rode out with me. When we got back someone had smashed her window and broke in her car. She was so upset, dayum near bout to cry. I calmed her down, made a few calls and had a glass man there to repair her car within an hour (I paid for it). In comparison, this other chick I was sleeping with asked me to pay her cable bill once…..I never called her again.
She overestimated her value.

Mrs. SexyCool

November 25th, 2013
2:50 pm

Du – boy…that, too, was sexy as h#ll….

disco

November 25th, 2013
2:51 pm

SC – that’s a lesson I got from my grandma before I was even old enough to understand the lesson. don’t ever be with a man that can’t or won’t do for you.

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
2:54 pm

free game for you ladies…….

if a dude is willing to speand money on you after y’all have had sex, he’s interested in you; if not, as Du stated, you’ve overestimated your value (btw, I like that!!!!)

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
2:55 pm

2C- Because he does.

Disco- I get that; especially the part where he can do for you and won’t.

DuShawn- Great job!

disco

November 25th, 2013
2:55 pm

2C – that ain’t free game cuz us real grown women know these jokers shoulda been done came out of pocket for something before it even got that far. lol.

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
2:56 pm

Now one thing I always thing about when these folks need some help, whether it me my woman, my friends, or my family. WHO can I call if I never needed any help, usually the ones asking don’t ever have anything to help with. I’ll just keep mine for my rainy day.

See Disco, I’m selfish too (LOL)

Mrs. SexyCool

November 25th, 2013
2:56 pm

disco – it was a turn around for me. I had to learn that “taking care of my man” did not mean coming out of my wallet all willy-nilly – and yes, there have been times, in the past, that I have done that.

And please believe that my husband can get anything I’ve got.

However, there was a time when I was mistaken about how finances played into a **growing** relationship and what I should have been doing (or more accurately NOT doing) for someone who had not earned that kind of support from me.

Exiled

November 25th, 2013
2:58 pm

he dudes I deal with are cool

@Disco..

theyere NOT cool in most mens eyes unless they are getting some for it!

You aint dealing with wealthy folks..u dealing with average joes like myself…..and I dont care where on earthu are..no man dispenswes with money like that without expectation….unless ofcourse theyre lame.

COOL is a term ur mindset categorizes them in..because the act of getting money is good for U….but u are a scavenger hunter..so u wont see it any other way…i can understand that! :lol:

@Leggs…u read Disco too, yes..do the men she gets free money from sound like they have girlfriends/wives..has she shared that..maybe i missed it…refresh my memory! :lol:

disco

November 25th, 2013
3:01 pm

SC – I have male friends that I will do what I can to help. honestly, a guy I’m dating, especially if it’s relatively new, will get nothing but side eye coming to me for financial assistance. it’s just not a good look. he better have friends, family, frat an ex-girlfriend or somebody but I can’t be giving up my money to no man. just not my style. now I can pick up the tab here and there or but a token gift or something but we won’t have any misunderstandings about how I feel about females supporting men. no sirreee bob on that one.

ex – almost every man alive has been where “my dudes” are. he may not stay there. he may not be there constantly but almost every single one has been there at some point in time. as has been stated before, I’m not the only chick got it like this which stands to reason there are many, many more men out there like that. why does this perturb you so?

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
3:02 pm

MsAtl…..I remember back in the days when I was smoking weed, I had a hook-up with a blog gal….she was bragging bout how good she looked, and the whole nine…well, she lived in Clayton County, and I lived in Cobb….so prior to the meeting, I rolled a nice one, and put it in my center console, so after the “date” and I dropped her off, I had one on deck; lo and behold, chic looked a hot mess! I was like, OMG, how do I get out of this…..so when we got in my car, I simply fired that mugg up…she was like, what are you doing??? I said, I’m bout to smoke one….she said, not with me in the car! screeeeech! hooked a U-turn, and dropped her ass right back off, not even a block from her house….she disappeared from the blog after that!

DuShawn

November 25th, 2013
3:03 pm

Disco – c’mon now. I’m sure a few men done talked you out them panties without spending a dime.

Exiled

November 25th, 2013
3:03 pm

and Disco..I aint hating on ya side bizz…just calling it the way i see it.

If u start real gol digging from folks who dont trick because they got it….I will upgrade my valuation of ur side bizz! :lol:

when u start bragging about u hanging with real ballers and business folks in ur hood..I will have an elevated opinion of ur hustle! :lol:

Chink

November 25th, 2013
3:04 pm

disco

November 25th, 2013
3:04 pm

ex – I am not currently dating. not dating a married man, a single man, a man with a live in girlfriend, a man across town, a man across the country. none of that. NOW if you really wanna know how I do, IF/WHEN I’m in the mode – at the end of the day I will let it be known that I don’t give a rat’s behind about a girlfriend. she’s not a wife. as far as I’m concerned she and I are equal – two chicks trying to get the man. some women don’t like that. they are entitled. I’m just telling you how I get down (when I’m getting down – lol).

Mrs. SexyCool

November 25th, 2013
3:04 pm

Toucan – are you talking about that chick with the bubble gum body?