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Dating: How honest should we be?

Everyone says that relationships work better when there is honesty. Oddly enough, honesty can have the opposite effect in dating. Can you remember the last time you were totally honest on a date? Do you know how someone would react if you said exactly what you were thinking?

I think everyone tries to filter themselves and put their best foot forward. This usually means we aren’t saying the total truth because the whole truth could get…well rather awkward! So when it comes to dating, how honest should we be and how long should it take for total honesty?

Do you think that people can handle honesty?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

236 comments Add your comment

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
11:04 am

I can confirm the validity is good!

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
11:04 am

2C- “but folks don’t want the truth”
Nah, I know the truth can hurt, but I would rather get the truth and have it cut and heal than depend on lies and be left with permanent scars.

Leggs- Yes, too much too soon.

Slim- I agree! I should NOT have to ask if you have kids, especially if we have been talking for a minute- although I do ask.

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:06 am

Leggs, that sounds like the women who I’ve meet that could only talk about marriage and having family on the first date. don’t think there will be a second date.

abc

November 25th, 2013
11:14 am

This is a matter of upbringing. The way I put it across to my kids is, if you think you’d lie about having done it, don’t do it. Pretty good rule of thumb. It didn’t stop them from lying to me like the teenage children they were, but the point got across.

If whether to lye or not is an issue for you, I’d say that’s self-explanatory and self-descriptive. It’s a pretty good chance you should clean up your act. If you already have, then fine, still no need to lie about the things about yourself that you’ve improved upon.

Me personally, even considering that I have to keep up some lie is not acceptable. If you ask, you’ll get the truth, so if you think you might have a problem with the truth, don’t ask.

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
11:14 am

Single ~ Reio would probably disagree, although I see nothing wrong with wanting to get married and screen out those who don’t, why can’t the first date just be about the two of you getting to know each other with the deep, deep questions coming with the second date. First date let’s enjoy the moment together and let all dates thereafter start the interview process. Shouldn’t the first date be the determining factor on whether an interview is warranted? You mail in your resume (first date) and you’re granted a 2nd interview (2nd date) which hopefully will land you that full-time job.

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
11:14 am

Single – I see your point and raise you one. lol

disco

November 25th, 2013
11:15 am

single – on the one hand I can see that being a big turn off. still, from their perspective and depending on their age (good old biological clock – lol) I can see some women just cutting to the chase. time’s a wasting. lol.

disco

November 25th, 2013
11:17 am

random – last week I put my matchmaker hat on. I haven’t heard from either party. not sure if this is good or bad. no “thanks for the hookup”, no “that chick is crazy”, no “why did you give him my number”. nothing. hmmmm…..

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:21 am

Leggs, Disco, even if the clocks a ticking, aint my fault you waited so long. (LOL) at least get to know my last name before you start talking about taking it. For some people this may work out, but I’ve seen some who ‘thought” they were on the same page because that’s what they both were looking for only to find out later that’s all they were on the same page about.

Slim I know a guy, that unless he’s changed, didn’t consider them his children unless they lived with him, and he has 5 or 6

disco

November 25th, 2013
11:23 am

single – why you really upset? because of her expedited screening process in general OR because her expedited screening process concludes that you ain’t getting none? lol.

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
11:25 am

MsAtl, not necessarily lies…..but “crimes of ommission.”

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
11:30 am

nothing. hmmmm…..

disco ~ because they haven’t come up for air!!!!

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
11:30 am

Single ~ did you see that I was agreeing with you?

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
11:31 am

Single – HUH, what, Really?!!!! Oh heyal naw!!

Reio

November 25th, 2013
11:33 am

Morning All!

“…… and how long should it take for total honesty?”

What’s wrong with right now? This was my biggest problem during my dating years. I told my wife/girlfriend, “Ask me a question? Expect the truth.” I’ll admit that I needed to be schooled a bit on the meaning of the word ‘tact’ by sisters, but I still had a habit of telling the truth to women that I dated. Rarely seemed to be what they were expecting, and even more rarely, what they wanted to hear. But I did anyway. Consequences were never a concern of mine. I figured that the worst case would be that she would decide not to see me again. Oh well.

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
11:34 am

Single – I dated a guy and at some point he told me he had a son and a daughter (different baby mama’s)…that sort of turned me off a bit but what did it was when he almost blamed the women for having the kids and having to pay child support. One of the mother’s ended up opening her own hair salon. He seemed bitter about that basically saying his child support was helping her to be successful when he had a job he didn’t necessarily like. He did praise one chick that was in school…said she had sense enough to get an ab or t i o n.
TURN OFF!

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
11:36 am

2C- These days an omission can get you a charge too.

disco

November 25th, 2013
11:36 am

leggs – they live in 2 different cities although only about 2 hours apart. I guess I’ll just have to be patient.

all this withholding re the kids. if I met a really great guy today I wish he would not tell me about his kids for about a month or so. at least then I can have 4 weeks of fun before I have to cut him loose. lol.

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:41 am

Disco, I don’t get upset, I just know it’s time to move on.

Oh leggs, my bad :-)

Slim had coworker complain about his children’s mom driving a new car, and getting a new house off his child support. I told him if she can do all that with that little bit of money, I need to meet her (LOL)

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:42 am

Disco, why you going to have to cut him loose?

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
11:43 am

Single – I know right…lolol Wasn’t like he was balling or anything. :roll:

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
11:45 am

I have an O/T question but should I ask or wait at least till after lernch?

disco

November 25th, 2013
11:47 am

single – because I don’t want to be bothered with young “still in the pocket” kids. I don’t even want to be bothered with grown “still in the pocket” kids but the little ones and me? aww heck naw. lol.

lee

November 25th, 2013
11:49 am

seems my comment did not post. so i shall try again.

Disco, i did not mean if someone ask for your opinion on a topic. it was more of what swirls though ones mind, saying out loud “look at the fat chick” , “dude do you usually take a bath with cologne ” ewe just use soap, no need to express everything that runs though your mind.

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:50 am

Disco, you remind of the women who wouldn’t date me because I had kids, only to find out the guy she chose was a dead beat dad after she had twins (LOL) If he’s handling his business, why would it bother you?

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
11:51 am

disco ~ I was talking to this guy online a few years back but when he asked if I had children and I told him she was graduation from h.s. in a few months he said he couldn’t date a woman with children still living at home. I did say she was going off to college in a few months, but he said I fell in the category of children at home and he wasn’t swaying from his criteria. Oh I could go was wish him well and whisper under my breath (you just let a good one walk away..lol. Yes, I see nothing wrong with tooting my own horn!).

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:52 am

Lee that’s those folks who think it’s their 1st amendment right.

Disco I meant woman.

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:53 am

Slim, it’s not to early, shoot!!

disco

November 25th, 2013
11:53 am

single – because I am admittedly selfish. because I don’t want your kids at my house every other weekend and a month in the summer and every other christmas. because your child support money is taking away from our household bottom line and I’m bringing home 100% of my income and you might only be bringing home 60-70% of yours. I could go on but I’ve already answered the question. purely selfish reasons. lol.

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:56 am

Disco, be honest (LMAO)

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:57 am

Disco, what if my 60 to 70% is twice as much as your 100% would that still make a difference?

disco

November 25th, 2013
12:00 pm

single – re my honesty, just trying to stay on topic. lol.

single – I’ve been posed that question before. no. it still wouldn’t make a difference. the issue would just change. now I’m irked that some other woman besides me is in your pockets like that. lol. the general answer remains the same. selfish.

once I was dating a single parent father. we decided we are going on a cruise. midway through the planning he decides he wants to bring his kids. I’m like “screeeeeech”. pump the brakes. oh heck naw. my friends were like I should just appreciate that he could afford to take all of us. I was like “whatever”. lol.

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
12:04 pm

Ok….menfolks, how do you feel about another dude giving money to your significant other? Would you find that suspicious, would you think buddy has a hidden agenda or what?

Womenfolk, how would you feel about a dude giving you money under the basis to just be nice? Would you tell your SO? Not accept it or what?

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
12:05 pm

Disco, that’s one thing I’ve never done, unless it’s an emergency, (which I’ve never had) didn’t let my kids interfere with my relationship, and didn’t let my relationship interfere with my kids. Yea you selfish (LOL)

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
12:05 pm

disco ~ I can see you pumping the brakes. Going a cruise with the person you’re dating is not same as going on a cruise with him and his children. The dynamics drastically change where all you too had to look after was one another, now you throw in the kids, make sure they’re eating, neither is trying to throw the other overboard, they’re safe from predators on the cruise, etc all while trying to not drink too much is a bit draining (lol).

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
12:06 pm

Slim that happens all the time, they call them suga daddies (LOL)

disco

November 25th, 2013
12:07 pm

slim – depends on who the man is. if my grandpa is giving me money, my man bet not say nothing. if one of my “way back” exes is giving me money then the answer may depend on why. he may know my situation and only intend to help or he may be needing me to hold something for him (don’t ask – lol). if some joker who is trying to push up and thinks he can buy me (think cutty – dead presidents), well, then that dude right there is just dead wrong and my can handle his business with that one.

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
12:09 pm

SlimNu ~ if you have a SO, I see no reason to accept money from someone else. I would tend to think there’s a hidden agenda. Especially a woman doing it. I can see some men offering to help out because that particular couple may be going through a rough patch and truly simply want to help. Those are rare, but it happens. But a woman offering money to a couple? All I can see is she’s put a down payment on her honey pot. I know, I know, double edge sword, but women are a little more sneakier than men.

Damn it, damn it, where is that darn vest??

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
12:09 pm

Slim as for me, I would have more of a problem with her needing, or taking money from someone all the time.

disco

November 25th, 2013
12:09 pm

leggs – all I know is if that was a test I failed, failed, failed, failed, failed. lol.

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
12:19 pm

You didn’t fail…you passed because you were honest. Can’t feel bad when you’re being true to yourself.

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
12:21 pm

Slim, as disco said, picture Cutty in Dead Presidents….if dude ain’t bringing in enough dough, then his ol gal gon’ go to someone who is……should he feel less than a man, ummm yeah! Because he should do whatever it takes to ensure his ol lady ain’t going to the next dude for money….that opens the door for other things….cause after awhile, the dude that’s handing out the loot gon’ be like, da hell you with that buster for if you gon’ keep running to me everytime you’re in a bind?

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
12:24 pm

Slim- Womenfolk, how would you feel about a dude giving you money under the basis to just be nice? Would you tell your SO? Not accept it or what? Hmmm, I would wonder what his agenda was…

kimmie

November 25th, 2013
12:25 pm

Single – That’s the thing, I DID’NT ask, my bad! He supported her but had nothing to do with her, he said, since the mom didn’t tell him he had her until she was about 2. Now that is neither here nor there, because some folks feel as long as you are sending those checks you are not deadbeat. I beg to differ, but that is not the point I was trying to make.

I guess you had to be there, seems weird an almost 40 year old man after a year not even mentioning it. Like I said, it was a sign of more to come – always sneaky and undercover with shid instead of just being out with his shid.

disco

November 25th, 2013
12:26 pm

leggs – your post brings me to a whole nother point. SOs who ain’t handling business to begin with OR chicks who are too dumb to get what they need from their SO. case in point, a friend called me a couple of weeks ago wanting money for her electric bill. I politely told her no and that she should ask that joker she was screwing. just last night I was talking to a guy who said his sister called with that same electric bill mess while she got a man (wonder if there is an electric bill scam going around – lol). anyway, he said he didn’t trust his sister to give her money directly but instead asked for her account number and the number to the electric company. she claims she had to get back to him with all that. as far as I know, she hasn’t got back to him. lol.

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
12:37 pm

Disco- Methinks she just wanted to go Black Friday shopping. My brother-in-law had asked me to pay a phone bill, which I did. I also paid an electric bill. Okay, so the next time he asked me to pay his phone bill, I told him I wouldn’t do it because if he needs it paid every month then he can’t afford it. This joker calls the phone company and tells them to use the same card from the previous month (which wasn’t supposed to be kept on file). Well, don’tcha know, I told my bank they better get my money back even if they have to prosecute him! I never helped him again.

Exiled

November 25th, 2013
12:37 pm

Slim..how old are u?

:lol: ..re: your questions? 12:04 pm

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
12:39 pm

Ole girl didn’t ask the guy for money…a conversation came up about buying clothes so he took it upon himself to ‘gift’ it to the chick. I would personally asssume the guy had an hidden agenda especially knowing she is dating someone. I mean do fella’s really just doyle out monetary gifts just to be genuinely nice?

kimmie

November 25th, 2013
12:41 pm

Slim – Unless he’s yo daddy, brother or other blood relative, no dude gives a woman money “just to be nice” with no expectation of anything in return. He’s a sugar daddy. I would not accept it. I don’t see how if I had an SO how I would allow a guy that close to me to even get the opportunity. So it would have to happen out of the blue, which the chances are slim to none of that happening, so if it did, I would laugh about it to my SO.

I’ve always been too proud to take money from men I dated, but it’s due to my upbringing. And I always thought that if he’s good enough for me to allow him to spend money on me, then he’s good enough for me to do other things with. Otherwise, it’s basically a hooker situation.

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
12:42 pm

MsATL Dang, not your bro!