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Dating: How honest should we be?

Everyone says that relationships work better when there is honesty. Oddly enough, honesty can have the opposite effect in dating. Can you remember the last time you were totally honest on a date? Do you know how someone would react if you said exactly what you were thinking?

I think everyone tries to filter themselves and put their best foot forward. This usually means we aren’t saying the total truth because the whole truth could get…well rather awkward! So when it comes to dating, how honest should we be and how long should it take for total honesty?

Do you think that people can handle honesty?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

236 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
8:02 am

Hey everyone

In my experience, people confuse honesty with opinions. If someone ask you something then that’s the time to be honest. But if they don’t ask and you tell them anyway, and then don’t understand why they get mad with you, It’s not because they can’t handle the “truth” it’s because they didn’t ask your opinion.

I’m a firm believer in if you can’t handle the truth, don’t ask the question.

I think everyone tries to filter themselves and put their best foot forward. I’m going to be myself regardless, if someone doesn’t like it, not my problem.

how honest should we be Need to know basis!

how long should it take for total honesty? some questions will never be answered. just like there are some questions I will never ask.

lee

November 25th, 2013
8:06 am

What you are thinking is most likely an opinion –opinions are best to keep to yourself in my opinion.
I am not sure how the truth can be awkward, whatever you did or didn’t do not sure how that can be awkward, unless you just a nasty person of some kind–then its not awkward, you are disturbed

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
8:21 am

Morning all!

Blogging from home today. Just got too much stuff I need to handle to concentrate on work today.

Single – Your post said it all for me. Especially the honesty versus unsolicited opinion! Nothing more really to add, loved it.

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
8:21 am

Morning all!

Blogging from home today. Just got too much stuff I need to handle to concentrate on work today.

Single – Your post said it all for me. Especially the honesty versus unsolicited opinion! Nothing more really to add, loved it.

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
8:21 am

Morning all!

Blogging from home today. Just got too much stuff I need to handle to concentrate on work today.

Single – Your post said it all for me. Especially the honesty versus unsolicited opinion! Nothing more really to add, loved it.

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
8:21 am

Morning all!

Blogging from home today. Just got too much stuff I need to handle to concentrate on work today.

Single – Your post said it all for me. Especially the honesty versus unsolicited opinion! Nothing more really to add, loved it.

Button

November 25th, 2013
8:23 am

Do you think that people can handle honesty? Yes, I think we can handle honesty much better than we give outselves credit. I don’t expect a man to give me his whole llife story upfront but I do expect him to be as honest as he can be when I as him a question. And if I ask the same question later down the road I would expect to get the same answer each and everytime.

Good morning!

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
8:23 am

Sorry about that! Hate blogging from the iPad!

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
8:27 am

Button – I agree that folks can handle the truth more than given credit. What I think can be the issue is some people can’t handle the other person’s reaction to the truth!

Miss Moni

November 25th, 2013
8:32 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! *My daughter’s birthday weekend was a huge SUCCESS!* :-D

Single made a great point, if you can’t handle the truth then don’t ask the question. I was told this years ago and I keep it in the forefront when getting to know someone. I’m not good at masking my facial expressions & true feelings about something, the type where you don’t have to wonder. If you ask me a question, if I choose to answer trust me it’ll be an honest answer.

Button

November 25th, 2013
8:47 am

Kimme – exactly! ppl think that by being honest will cause some kind of reaction but it’s not the case all the time.

Button

November 25th, 2013
9:00 am

I guess if there is an ongoing lie then yes there maybe some repercussions ie..screaming, crying, throwing things, storming off.

Button

November 25th, 2013
9:01 am

heck you might even get shot…slow driving, sad songs.

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
9:18 am

Morning All!

I believe in being honest and if I bother to ask a question, I am not going to give a false answer. Like single said, I may not tell you everything I am thinking, but that does not mean I am being dishonest. Agree with your post Single.

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
9:21 am

Button – some want to be able to disrespect & do whatever they want & when the mess hits the fan almost try to pass it off on u. Say “I would have told u xyz but I knew u would get mad” . It’s like they want to control your reaction. U can’t control how someone will react to things. If u r big enough to do it, be big enough to handle the consequences of your actions.

Button

November 25th, 2013
9:26 am

some ppl are not even honest with themselves.

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
9:33 am

Kimmie – Yeah, I think we got it…you’re blogging from home today. lolol

I’m not good at masking my facial expressions & true feelings about something, the type where you don’t have to wonder

Moni – That’s me exactly…i can’t really hide how I feel. It’ll stew and stew in my mind until i just have to talk to you about it.

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
9:43 am

I meant if I bother to answer a question. Don’t worry- coffee injection is going in now…

I can’t stand folks who always find a way to lie and skirt the issue. I asked one guy what high school he graduated from and he said oh, I went to xxx. Come to find out, he didn’t have a high school diploma. See, that’s that ish that ticks me off! And I don’t want to hear, well he didn’t lie because he didn’t say he graduated, because if I ask you what high school you graduated from and you tell me where you went then that is assumed that you graduated, especially when it was in the context of us talking about you going to college.

Exiled!

November 25th, 2013
9:43 am

@Diva…If you choose to elevate honesty but suppress deception some folks are gone go thru the cracks…their excuse is,’you didn’t aks me!’ :lol:

Withholding the truf is deception.

Nobody is going to be 100. Nobody!

Everybody is looking out fir their best interest so they won’t disclose what the other may want to know un order for them to make their decision.

What’s your Number? …a dude won’t get told this! :lol:

Honesty?!

There is goal specific honesty. That’s what’s most folks are comfortable with.

Not Total honesty!
It’s a Game.

Morning MIA!

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
9:47 am

Exiled – can’t stand the old ‘ you didn’t ask me’ excuse! I’ll respect u more if u just admit u were wrong & deal with it.

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
9:49 am

MsAtl – did he have a GED?

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
9:59 am

Seems the only time “you didn’t ask” would apply is if you’re married, or in a relationship. Other than that if you don’t ask, why would they tell you?

MsATL yea those evasive answer will get you every time (LOL) most people don’t listen to the words, then complain about the answer later on.

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
10:05 am

Kimmie- No, he didn’t.

Single- I did listen to the answer but did not ask specifically “well did you graduate?” because he was saying he had to go BACK to college to FINISH up his degree. So, hells yeah, I complained about the answer…

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
10:13 am

MsAtl, so he was just trying to impress (LOL) didn’t know who he was talking too (LOL)

Exiled!

November 25th, 2013
10:14 am

If her dad is locked up because he was a serial killer,I wld want to know this;for example..assuming we are just starting to date and we seem to like each other.

How I process that knowledge is on me but she will have done her part but being honest.

And so on and so on as it relates to other relationship matters.

Just speaking for myself,if she has a slew of folks in her family that do crime or are locked up,please tell me. It’s most likely I may not want to deal with her further.

I know a family.a whole family that has a history of mental issues. Most of the family members seem to take turns going on the streets,bezerk! I grew up on the same street with the folks.

U try to date the daughter…u wldnt wanna know this? :lol:

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
10:16 am

Single- Lol. Okay. But, Im’ma (yes, Im’ma) need folks to be real and not try to impress me. Really, if you want to impress me, be real. I am rather down to earth. I value education, so while I may call you on it if you say someone went TOO the store to BY THERE food, I won’t put you down for not having a degree.

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
10:17 am

Ex- I am laughing at your post. Yeah, you might want to know if your maybe on day father-in-law is a serial killer so you won’t be one of his future victims if it doesn’t work out. And the family taking turns nutting up? You have to be joking, lol.

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
10:22 am

Hey! Where is everyone???

Posted by Michael Baisden this morning:
“Whether you want to admit it or not…dating is an interview! Pay attention to every detail such as hair, clothing, hygiene, how they treat the waiter, and ask lots of questions. If they complain that you’re being too nosy…look them straight in the eyes and say, “I don’t know you fool!” lol”

disco

November 25th, 2013
10:22 am

good morning. I am ALMOST always totally honest. I may omit some stuff or refuse to answer some questions but that’s not being dishonest. lol.

lee – what’s the point of having an opinion if you don’t get to share it? “what do you think” is one of the best questions out there imo. what a person thinks about a particular topic/issue speaks volumes.

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
10:24 am

Ex if I wanted to know I would ask. Who goes around telling their family history or anything else in the beginning? That has nothing to do with being honest. I would never judge someone by what their family does.

But if someone asked me those questions in the beginning of a relationship, the answer would be, you will find out in due time.

disco

November 25th, 2013
10:25 am

do I think people can handle honesty? some people, maybe even most people. some people need to be left right where they are in denial, make-believe, everything is coming up roses land. too much honesty and they might explode into tiny little smithereens.

disco

November 25th, 2013
10:27 am

atl – I’m the chick who would say “Well he didn’t say he graduated, he said he went to”. when he answered “I went to instead of I graduated from” I would have immediately followed up. lol. it’s sort of like homecoming season. everybody and their momma wants to go and some of them never got to be second semester freshman. gone head with that. lol.

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
10:28 am

Why can’t folks just be normal? SHeeesh!

disco

November 25th, 2013
10:30 am

slim – because there really is no such thing as normal. there’s normal for me and normal for you and normal for them but no general, all around, across the board normal. lol.

disco

November 25th, 2013
10:31 am

atl – where’s Michael baisden? where’s he posting at? haven’t heard from/about him since his show got dropped.

MsAtl

November 25th, 2013
10:33 am

Disco- He has a FB page. If he hadn’t said he was in college, that would have been an appropriate follow-up question. I bet I learned that day!!!

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
10:37 am

disco – dayum, dayum, dayum lol

disco

November 25th, 2013
10:38 am

atl – some days I feel like I’m missing out on so much because I’m not on facebook. other days I’m like “later for all those busters on facebook”. maybe I’m bi-polar. lol.

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
10:39 am

Single – I dated a guy whose sister married a cousin of mine. They were friends of the family & we kinda lost touch until about 10 yrs down the road we met back up at the wedding. I was not as diligent with him as I normally am, I admit. But after almost a year of dating heard thru grapevine he had a 4 yr old daughter. No mention, no pictures at his house, nothing. When I asked why he didn’t mention her, he laughed at me & said I didn’t ask. It was just the beginning of a lot of deception from him. But I never let my guard down before that or after in doing due diligence. Lesson learned.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

November 25th, 2013
10:40 am

I think honesty is always the best policy, the issue is can people handle it?

Brutal honesty is one thing, but being forthright in both accuracy and content is more important.

Kimmie

November 25th, 2013
10:44 am

Disco/Atl – I get madder at the skirting around and twisting words. I’d rather u just say its none of my business. Don’t insult me like that!

2CPTG©

November 25th, 2013
10:50 am

haven’t even read all the comments, but folks don’t want the truth…..they cain’t take it raw and uncut, they want it gift wrapped, and nicely presented, which, sometimes, ain’t the case, cause the truth can be ugly as hell;

Exiled!

November 25th, 2013
10:53 am

The think is,u can never be able to ask a potential,every lil and big question there is to ask.
A lot of times,based on emotional feelings,we gloss over some thinks,even subconsciously. This is where it ought to joust the ‘hobest’ person to share what they think the other party may value.

It does not mean it will matter much to the other person. But it may!

May dad is locked up,I got two close cousins who murdered blah blah and they locked up.
My family has a serious history with this disease a b c d.

Now,some may say,nonchalantly,’it ain’t nobody’s business!’

I respect that too.

But I may not have chosen you if I knew that beforehand.

@MsAtl..based on my understanding of African culture,I think there was a murder in that family. That kinda of sheenanegas does not go away even when the culprit is not caught.
That is the literal meaning of ‘haunted’

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
10:55 am

I’m sorry but if you’re dating, one should NOT have to ask you about kids for you to disclose that information. Unless, you’ve knocked up the 1st lady and it’s a matter of national security, you need to let it be known, period!

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
10:55 am

Well, my detailed post got eaten.

Honesty is always the best route to take. However, no need to put all your cards/thoughts/opines on the table first date. I knew someone who when asked if she wanted children explained that she had four forced miscarriages and now feels she’s ready to be a mother. She was being honest, but couldn’t understand why she wasn’t asked out on a second date. That was too much information too quickly.

I said more, but my short term memory isn’t working.

Good morning.

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
10:56 am

Kimmie, did you ask? it seems like he wasn’t a good father, so why would he mention it? Not deception, just a dead beat dad!

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:00 am

Disco “what do you think” is asking for your opinion, but these days people seem to think it’s their first amendment right to give it to you with out you asking.

SlimNu

November 25th, 2013
11:01 am

Leggs – Verifying the mail I got with just links from you….would you please confirm and/or deny their validity?

Single and Happy

November 25th, 2013
11:03 am

Slim, if a person refused to acknowledge, or support their kids, why would they tell anyone they have kids?

Leggs

November 25th, 2013
11:03 am

I see we can’t type the word a b o r t i o n s!