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Should men be protectors?

I got a couple of text messages from my friend Felicia the other day. She was kind of freaking out because her new boyfriend did not “defend” her when they were out on a date recently. They were sitting in a movie theater when some jerk said something rude and a little threatening. Not only did her guy not say anything, he implied that she should watch herself with strangers.

Felicia is very traditional and she believes the man should take a leadership role as protector and provider. Needless to say, she is considering breaking up with this guy because she believes his character is lacking to let something like this happen.

I wonder if women today still think men are our protectors? Should a guy defend his woman’s honor in our so called modern society?

Ladies, is it important that you feel safe around the man you are dating? If he shows any kind of weakness, does it mean he is not a suitable mate?

Guys, do you hesitate to play the role of protector with women you date? Is it something that comes naturally to you? Do you embrace the leadership role?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

165 comments Add your comment

Lee

November 20th, 2013
6:58 am

Not everyone likes conflict some will not engage in that behavior. Then there are some that wait so they can and live for conflict. If Felicia guy responded “watch yourself”, i am wondering who started the war of words… You mean out of the blue for no reason on this earth a man just starts to talk crazy?! I doubt it … and Felicia guy might be thinking hope this doesn’t happened every time we go out.

I for one do not like conflict. Best grown response is to walk away, let the idiot speak but ignore it … Oh i do like to be protected or that feeling of safe but i don’t want a rambo loud mouth guy either talking poopoo just because he has a voice ( had one of them –didn’t feel protected at all i felt was embarrassed )!

hagd

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2013
8:12 am

Hello All

Should a guy defend his woman’s honor in our so called modern society? all depends on the situation. These days with people thinking they can voice their opinion about anything to anyone, I can see someone saying something stupid out of the blue, is it worth getting in a confrontation over, I don’t think so.

Guys, do you hesitate to play the role of protector with women you date? Just what is the role of protector? Sometimes you have to know when to walk away, or maybe run away.

Do you embrace the leadership role? what does this have to do with protecting someone?

Exiled

November 20th, 2013
8:39 am

If Felicia is a loud mouf who mistakenly thinks that she can pop off nonsense and expect dude to be her back up,ummm..she needs to find someone else..a hood hood rat,prolly carrying an illegal glock.

It is embarrassing being with an ignant with a loose mouf,even an informed but opinionated,mouf popping woman is an embarrassment.

It is an honor coming to the aid or protection of a classy lady!

I think Felicia’s ‘new’ dude must let her call the popo if she wants protection. :lol:

And he calls it quits,Not her!

Reio

November 20th, 2013
8:53 am

Morning all!

I’ve always thought it best to walk away, if at all possible. Don’t engage in a war of words. In all too many instances, words turn into something dangerous. Words can’t hurt you, but a sawed-off, double barreled, 12-guage, pump shotgun, with a pistol grip, can. Jus sayin.

YesSheIsCute

November 20th, 2013
8:56 am

Good morning everyone.

Depends. If she is known to pop off at the mouth then yes, she needs to watch herself. Otherwise he should defend her. Point blank.

I went on a date with a guy who while we waited for a table was going to let these people just walk up and get served a table. I stepped in and was like no we’ve been waiting before they got here. I was turned off at that. Come on, be a man. State your claim. I don’t need a submissive guy like that.

Button

November 20th, 2013
8:59 am

a few details are missing from the story…. I’ll say that the guy did what he should’ve done and that’s ignore the jerk and let it be. Unless the jerk invaded his space by touching him or his date, it was cleary no need to get into a shouting match or an altercation which would’ve caused other problems. Sometimes you have to be a mature adult and let things go. He picked his battles and I guess not getting into it with the jerk was clearly not one he wanted to battle.

Yes men should be protectors and he should also know what is worth fighting over and what is worth letting go.

Good morning!

Button

November 20th, 2013
9:06 am

Felicia must be looking for a warrior, barbaric man who will beat the crap out of ppl for even looking at him or her the wrong way. She want a man that’s not even tempered but hot headed, quick to fight, quick to anger.

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2013
9:06 am

Yes, by your first statement, I have to ask this question, did you give the guy a chance to step up, or did you just jump in as some women do then complain that he didn’t step up.

Celisea

November 20th, 2013
9:06 am

They were sitting in a movie theater when some jerk said something rude and a little threatening. Not only did her guy not say anything, he implied that she should watch herself with strangers

I’m still looking for the piece in Diva’s post that said Felicia was popping off at the mouth Just looking to see how that assumption got pulled in.

Celisea

November 20th, 2013
9:08 am

Maybe, juuuuuust maybe the guy was a jerk for real, with no help from Felicia (as in popping off at the mouth) in bringing out his bad behavior…

Am I missing something here?

Let me go get coffee and get to work….lolol

Button

November 20th, 2013
9:19 am

most ppl just don’t go popping off for no appearant reason, Did Felicia invade the jerk space? did she step on his toe and didn’t say sorry? did she mush his face with her backside while trying to get pass him? so many questions.

When I’m at the movies I can’t stand when someone are on their cell phone, the light is so disturbing. Or when the peron behind me keep nudging the back of my seat. there was a time or two I wanted to pop off but I didn’t.

YesSheIsCute

November 20th, 2013
9:22 am

@Single and Happy I’m used to a guy stepping in and saying we were waiting first or we were next or etc. So when he didn’t I was actually surprised when he was going to just let those people get a table before us that’s when I stepped in. Not to be a b-i-t-c-h but it’s the principle of the thing when it comes to people who think they can waltz in and skip you in line. Don’t think you’re going to skip me. I know you saw us sitting here waiting. A well-mannered person would have at least asked are you guys waiting for a table?

Donell

November 20th, 2013
9:33 am

I’m not one to flip too much over words. People are gonna say what they want, whether rude or polite. Whatever. However, when you threaten me and/or my girl, that’s when it goes from conversation to altercation, quick! Furthermore, in this case they were in a movie theater, dark and full of people. I wouldn’t be able to even enjoy the movie knowing somebody wanted to potentially do us harm. Might as well air it out right then and there!

Celisea

November 20th, 2013
9:37 am

most ppl just don’t go popping off for no appearant reason

No, they don’t. So I’ll go with maybe buddy touched her backside (on the sly, of course) while trying to get past him and she couldn’t find an appreciation for that, or maybe she accidentally (as in by mistake) stepped on his toe and he, being the jerk he is didn’t accept her apology, or maybe he tried to holla when her dude wasn’t looking and she rejected him…..

soooo many scenarios we could conjure up :)

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2013
9:41 am

The assumption got pulled in by this statement in divas post.

Not only did her guy not say anything, he implied that she should watch herself with strangers.

Most of divas post leave to much open to interpretation.

Yes that’s understandable.

kimmie

November 20th, 2013
9:43 am

Morning All!

It’s just too much missing from this story to give an educated opinion for me. Especially for THIS crowd, the part where dude says she should “watch” herself around strangers pretty much messes up any arguement Felicia might have for her case. It’s going to immediately put it in some minds that “she started it”. It messes up what could have been a good topic of discussion.

Having said that, folks nowadays are crazy, shooting up theatres and stuff. I expect my man to be assertive and in control of things in a classy way, making sure I am comfortable and safe and seeing to it we are being served fairly. I don’t expect him to go picking fights with every crazy we might come in contact with. If anything, that would put us in MORE danger. Be intelligent about it.

Celisea

November 20th, 2013
9:52 am

Because her guy didn’t say anything shouldn’t imply she started an altercation by popping off at the mouth. Maybe he was a wuss. Maybe he ain’t feeling her enough to defend her honor. Maybe he felt it would be levelheaded in thinking folks are crazy and often don’t need a reason to shoot up the place….even though buddy disrespected her. Maybe what she felt was disrespect, he felt was not.

I only played devil’s advocate cause rather than speaking on the topic, folks just started ragging on Felicia, not having enough of anything to speak to their scenario in particular. Hope she’s not reading. That just places me in the mind that some dudes always automatically assume the worse when it comes to women….IJS

Now, should be men protectors? By all means. From defending your honor to telling you it just ain’t that serious and let’s go :)

2CPTG©

November 20th, 2013
9:53 am

depends on the circumstance, and situation, if I defend a lady’s honor…..and of course, it depends on the lady. I’m not dating a loud mouth, so ain’t gotta worry about that; But if our “space” is clearly being violated, it ain’t about protecting her, it’s about respect, as a man!

Button

November 20th, 2013
9:57 am

Celidea – I hope Felicia is reading so she can chime in and give more details of what happened at the movies.

kimmie

November 20th, 2013
9:57 am

folks just started ragging on Felicia

Cel – Yep, the minute I read thru it I knew what this crowds reaction would be.

Leggs

November 20th, 2013
10:01 am

I’m with you Celisea, no where did it say she popped off at the mouth. Amazing how people automatically assume she started something. What’s missing is why this guy was rude to her. I agree, sometimes you have to know when to walk away, but for the most part, I would want my man/date to protect me. BUT, if I’m starting flack with someone, I best know how to protect myself.

Good morning.

Celisea

November 20th, 2013
10:01 am

Button – That would be nice…lololol At least we wouldn’t have to draw on our own. Too bad Diva don’t come around anymore :(

Kimmie – Mmm hmmm

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2013
10:02 am

While people do say crazy things out of the blue, it would be nice to hear what would make someone threaten someone without being provoked!

Celisea

November 20th, 2013
10:05 am

Leggs – Yes, much is missing

Leggs

November 20th, 2013
10:09 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDYSWISS!!♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

kimmie

November 20th, 2013
10:12 am

Single – Folks are crazy. Just this past Monday, I had a little incident happen on the way to work. There is this side street I go down to get to my building to avoid the traffic on the main road. I got in the right turning lane at the light, but the traffic going thru was flying and I was not about to pull out in that. There were only a few cars, so it wasn’t a long wait. Well, this guy was behind me and guess he expected me to turn out in the street anyway. He didn’t tap, but LAID on his horn. I ignored him and concentrated on what I was doing. I turned, and got in 2 lanes over to the left. Would you believe this dude was still in the far right lane and slowed down, yelling over 2 lanes at me, calling me STUPID!! I glanced over but didn’t look at him directly. He did it for awhile until someone came up behind him. I could hear him clearly thru my window closed and radio on! Obviously he was not that much in a hurry if he felt the need to take time out to chastise me!!

disco

November 20th, 2013
10:12 am

good morning.

lee – like you, my first thought was what was felicia’s role in the exchange. lol.

ex – embarrassing maybe but as a “mouf-popping” woman I’d be equally embarrassed to be that person that never said anything, never stood up for myself and yet was always whining and crying about being hurt or taken advantage of. popping off isn’t always necessarily the problem especially if you are prepared to back up your pop off. ijs.

disco

November 20th, 2013
10:16 am

yes – that’s mild. I was out with a guy and we stopped in some random bar for a drink before parting ways. some redneck hooligan at the pool table made an off-color remark on our way out (yep – read between all the lines in this post). man, old boy I was with didn’t have time to react. I was back at that pool table all up in dude face with the quickness. he hemming and hawing talking about he didn’t say anything. yeah right punk. dude I was with talking about I act like them Houston girls. lol. (we were in san Antonio at the time).

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2013
10:19 am

Kimmie, too many folks have died over stupid stuff like that. I’ve had to check myself with that road rage, you never know what someone has in their lap.

Even if Felecia did come on, we still would only be hearing her version which is going to be in her favor. How many times have people played the victim, but when you get the WHOLE story, they are not. We would need to hear his side also. There are usually 3 sides to every story, his side, her side and the truth!

Leggs

November 20th, 2013
10:19 am

kimmie ~ I’m like that, not intimidated on the road. You can honk and honk and honk and I will ignore you. You can yell out your window and I will ignore you. You touch my car, I’m beating the brakes off you (not really), but I will then react.

Leggs

November 20th, 2013
10:21 am

Singel ~ exactly. You never know what’s sitting on someone’s lap.

Leggs

November 20th, 2013
10:25 am

Sorry Single!

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2013
10:26 am

Has anyone had problem trying to post from another device, I tried to use my tablet last week, and would say “awaiting moderation”

disco

November 20th, 2013
10:26 am

I own that I am one road rage having chick. my road rage mainly consists of me cussing up a storm doing some serious name calling and talking about folks’ mommas and stuff. i never blow my horn. I bet the only time my horn is ever used is when I get an inspection. do they test your horn during inspections?

kimmie

November 20th, 2013
10:26 am

Disco/Leggs – Right, if I’m starting something I’m prepared to back it up, fight my own battle.

Single and Happy

November 20th, 2013
10:29 am

Disco, I have told a few people to get off the damn phone. Driving in the fast lane doing 45!!

disco

November 20th, 2013
10:30 am

so men. man-pride aside. how do you really feel about that chick that leaves you out there without any backup? like when you see a movie/show where there is an intruder downstairs and hubs goes to check it out. he tells wifey to stay put. some chicks stay put or hide or something. some chicks grab a bat and be right behind him. which chick you want? lol.

kimmie

November 20th, 2013
10:30 am

Disco – Dang, you sound just like me in that 10:26! I fuss & cuss and that’s how I get it out, but I don’t go blowing the horn. In fact, one day recently I needed to blow it to avoid getting hit & causing an accident and was fiddling around to find it on my car!

Yeah they test the horn during inspections.

Reio

November 20th, 2013
10:31 am

” They were sitting in a movie theater when some jerk said something rude and a little threatening. Not only did her guy not say anything, he implied that she should watch herself with strangers.”

Words? Really? Is that it?
Thinking about leaving the guy over this?
Well, if this is all it takes to get Felicia to think about it, she may as well do it.
Sounds like they both will be better off.

2CPTG©

November 20th, 2013
10:37 am

disco, you prolly already know my answer……I want the chic who in the trenches with me!!!! granted, I’mma take the lead, but just knowing I gotta chic who’ll bust heads alongside me is a turn-on!!!!

Leggs

November 20th, 2013
10:40 am

disco ~ I used to work with a woman who had the worst road rage I’ve ever witnessed. Going to lunch with her always had me SMDH. The teeniest of a driving infraction would set her off. I can cuss, but this woman COULD CUSS! I had to stop riding with her. I felt she was going to take a pipe iron out from the glove compartment at any moment.

Now, one of my best friends (who doesn’t drive) has road rage from the passenger seat. I had to ask her to stop all the fussing many times. I don’t understand passenger road rage!

Reio

November 20th, 2013
10:40 am

“…. which chick you want? lol.”

I want the one that stays put. That way if I go down, she can collect the insurance money, fix the kids up, and buy a 6 bedroom mini-mansion with 2 kitchens, bury my dead azz in an upscale cemetery with a marble headstone, and live the remainder of her days in relative comfort. We all gotta go sometime. Each of us has a final hour approaching.

disco

November 20th, 2013
10:41 am

2C – well, naturally, I didn’t mean to turn you on. lol.

leggs – who used to sing that?

YesSheIsCute

November 20th, 2013
10:44 am

@disco it IS mild but definitely a predictor of non-confrontations to come….
That guy was a punk. Glad you set him straight!

disco

November 20th, 2013
10:44 am

reio – that’s one perspective. still I’d hate for you to just be in a hand to hand match where dude just had the tiniest edge and your woman wouldn’t even try to hit him over the head with a lamp or something. lol. that’s all I’m saying. standing back in the cut with her hands over her eyes hollering “stop hitting him”. lol.

kimmie

November 20th, 2013
10:45 am

Single – Folks on the phone bug me too, but the thing that gets me to no end are chicks applying makeup, especially mascara!! I stopped at Panera Bread one morning to get coffee and this chick stopped behind me in the parking lot, blocking cars from backing out. I thought she was just going to be a second, but that turned into a minute! Finally I honked and she barely moved over just enough for me to back out and get around her. As I passed, I saw what the holdup was – her putting on makeup!! I’m like why didn’t she just pull into a parking spot to do that, why block other cars??? I see chicks flying down the road putting on makeup and doing hair!!!

Exiled

November 20th, 2013
10:46 am

Disco…mouf popping?

If u are a mouf pipping person(there are some loud men jerks too out there), that means u are not reserved. More than likely,a mouf popping person talks..A Lot!

there lies the problem because in talking a lot,sometimes,just sometimes,it’s a case of ‘Open mouf,Closed mind!’…u pop out nonsense or over immaterial stuff.

and if u have classy company(a man),they get embarrassed on ur behalf!

disco

November 20th, 2013
10:46 am

yes – re my bar scenario. Houston dude was cool. he just wasn’t as quick on the draw as I was. he was right there with me though. pool dude was just a buster. lol.

Leggs

November 20th, 2013
10:47 am

That would be Cherelle. I love that song!

Exiled

November 20th, 2013
10:48 am

Popping not pipping

…this thing needs to allow for editing..needs to be an intelligent blog..

Come on Diva!,who owns this shy**t platform? :lol: