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Are good girls hard to find?

A lot of single women worry about projecting a good girl image. This is especially true if you are a GRIT (girl raised in the south) – because being a lady is practically preached to us the minute we hit puberty. Sometimes, I wonder if women worry too much about image of purity, though.

I argued with my guy friend about this recently because he was complaining about how hard it was to find a “good” and positive woman to date. He said that many women project this image but after getting to know them, they don’t always share his values and morals.

How important is it for men to date women with “wholesome” with a good girl image? It seems that women with a little edge gets attention but how long does that kind of attention really last?

Guys, do you ever question the image of the women you date? Do you wonder if they are who they say they are? Do you think good girls are extinct?

Ladies, do you ever feel pressure to appear demure and innocent as to attract the “right” kind of attention?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

230 comments Add your comment

Single & Happy

November 18th, 2013
5:29 am

Hello everyone

I’ve never really thought about someones image when I’ve “dated” them, but I guess because I really like to try and get to know someone before getting in a relationship, I’m past all that. Also if I like them I don’t care what kind of image they project to others, I’m in a relationship with her, not them!!

Had a great vacation, it was wonderful diving with black folks for a change (yes black people do scuba dive) :-)

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2013
6:15 am

Good morning! I am only here because I signed up for overtime today. Just trying to get these hours in because next week I am off :)

There are plenty of “good” women out there. The term “good” is relative.

Anywho, to answer your questions wise diva:

I can’t speak on behalf of the questions that seem directed towards the men. I’m curious to read what they write.

I don’t want to appear demure and innocent. I want to appear as anything. I just want to be myself and be liked/loved for that. If you feel that I’m demure and innocent and that is what you are going for then great. I am what I am, like it or love it. Sounds like a man that hung up on “demure” and “innocent” has a madonna/whore complex. :arrow:

@SH scuba diving? I’m too scary to do that. Plus I can’t swim. How was it? Where did you scuba dive?

Single & Happy

November 18th, 2013
6:21 am

Yes, Roatan Honduras, you do know more people die everyday going to work than die in a year scuba diving. It’s really one of the safest sports in the world that you can do for a long time with no after effects. you can always learn to swim, they give lessons everywhere. :-)

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2013
6:36 am

@SH my daughter was trying to teach me how to swim at the gym a couple of weeks ago. She’s a good teacher I just wasn’t getting it…

Lee

November 18th, 2013
7:16 am

yessheiscute –There are plenty of “good” women out there. The term “good” is relative.

My grandma stated that good girls do not wear colored underwear, only cotton white if you have any other kind well you are BAD! Bad girls get cancer and go to hell.

Happy Monday!!

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2013
7:44 am

@Lee thank God for our grandmothers and early traumitization :lol: what about hole-y underwear? My grandma scolded me for that but I can’t let go! It means I’m good because no one sees them! #dryspell

Miss Moni

November 18th, 2013
8:43 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Ladies, do you ever feel pressure to appear demure and innocent as to attract the “right” kind of attention? In my younger years, I did feel this pressure. However, once I hit 30 I officially STOPPED caring about what other people thought.

Ultimately you have to live your life for you. If you’re fine with the image that you’re giving off, then go with that! Do you!!!

SlimNu

November 18th, 2013
8:48 am

Are good girls hard to find?

Nope, I’m one of them standing right here waving :-D

Miss Moni

November 18th, 2013
8:54 am

-Slim Ditto!!! :-D

Single & Happy

November 18th, 2013
9:03 am

Hey slim, waving back. Oh wait, you don’t like older men (LOL)

Hey Miss Moni waving at you now (LOL)

Miss Moni

November 18th, 2013
9:08 am

LOL at Single & Happy!!!

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2013
9:08 am

Slim I’m here with you

Button

November 18th, 2013
9:08 am

It seems that women with a little edge gets attention but how long does that kind of attention really last? as soon as the novelty wears off the guy is looking for a good girl to bring home to mama and to marry.

Good morning!

SlimNu

November 18th, 2013
9:14 am

Single – Not being into older men strikes me off the good girl list? lol

Single & Happy

November 18th, 2013
9:16 am

Slim no, you’re still on that list, but I’m not on your list (LOL)

SlimNu

November 18th, 2013
9:19 am

Button – Your 9:08 applies to women also as far as wanting that ‘bad guy’…get’s old when he doesn’t conform to what they want. ;-)

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2013
9:22 am

Where is everybody? ‘Cause I’m about to leave :?

Button

November 18th, 2013
9:26 am

Miss Moni

November 18th, 2013
9:27 am

-Slim Speaking of girls wanting bad guys. . . I have a really good friend who dumped a good upstanding guy that ALL of us really liked & he treated her like a queen, talking about she just didn’t love him the same way he loved her. Well fast forward and now she’s pregnant by a guy that ALL of us dislike because he’s childish, immature and treats her like crap, BUT she’s head over heels in love with him. We are all like WTHeck!!! The sex CAN’T be that good, but other than that he’s not bringing anything else to the table, SMH!!!

SlimNu

November 18th, 2013
9:27 am

Single – There’s always exceptions and loop holes lolol

MsAtl

November 18th, 2013
9:29 am

Morning All!

“Ladies, do you ever feel pressure to appear demure and innocent as to attract the “right” kind of attention?” No Ma’am! You cannot pretend because you cannot sustain that persona. I am who I am.

Good women are not hard to find; it depends on where you are looking. Good woman here {{waving}} More and more, I see men on FB posting that there are no good women, no supportive women, etc. I call B.S. because I know quite a few of them. You can’t close down the club every weekend and say you can’t find a good woman. I am not saying that good women don’t go to the club, I am saying that they likely are not closing down the club every weekend.

Lee- I am cracking up at your grandmother!

Button

November 18th, 2013
9:31 am

I was taught to sit with my legs closed, talk less listen more, be soft spoken, be lady like, girls don’t do such and such. They don’t wear red, ever! While off in college I ventured off into the wild side only to come back to my roots. I do want to project a good/positive image of myself and yes I do worry about what others think about me and my doings. “if I do this what would ppl say or think” those thoghts have kept me from crossing the lines quite a few times. Esp with today’s advance technology, bad images spread like wild fire doing more harm than good. I can’t even envelop a mindset to not care about what others think. We are judged by the package we present.

Button

November 18th, 2013
9:35 am

Miss Moni – see it’s stuff like that I just can’t wrap my head around. I wonder is it bc she connects with emotionally disconnected guys as a normal with her.

SlimNu

November 18th, 2013
9:36 am

Moni – I’m sure we all know someone with a Bad boy story…but that’s just crazy when you put it in black and white…it’s like, what is the pull towards danger, uncertainty and drama that comes with the bad boy.

Button

November 18th, 2013
9:39 am

I could never get the bad boy persona. Bad boys are BADDDDD! they will hit you, cheat on you, use you…hence forth bad to you/for you. I’d take a good guy over a bad boy any darn day. Good guys only come in last after the women is down being beaten down, trodden down by the bad boys they lastly go find the good guy.

Button

November 18th, 2013
9:41 am

Oops meant after the women is donw with being….

Single & Happy

November 18th, 2013
9:41 am

Slim then I’m back on the list :-D

Button

November 18th, 2013
9:41 am

done…dagggg :)

Miss Moni

November 18th, 2013
9:45 am

-Button/SlimNu Button your theory actually may just be her truth. I just don’t get it. They don’t have a happy medium. They’re either having really good times OR really bad times and so far, the bad has outweighed the good.

Button

November 18th, 2013
9:49 am

Best man holiday was good…all kinds of emotions, I was laughing and crying smh whooo chile. I must see it again but next time I won’t cry.

disco

November 18th, 2013
9:53 am

good morning.

first things first, single – I envy you. not that I have any desire to scuba dive but vacation is vacation. lol.

lee – what? you gotta wear white bloomers? I’m out. lol.

slim – I won’t say I’m standing there waving with you since I won’t claim to be a good girl. I’ll just say I’m “good enough”. lol.

YesSheIsCute

November 18th, 2013
9:54 am

@Button thanks for the review. I saw the previews during 12 Years A Slave and thought it looked funny and interesting. I think we will go see that this weekend.

SlimNu

November 18th, 2013
9:54 am

Moni – Thats usually how it goes but when they come from a bad time and roll into a good time, it’s probably really passionate. So it gives the illusion that the love is as strong as that passionate makeup period. I was watching this show on tv yesterday about this chick that was smitten by this older man. He was treating her soooo good, being really attentive blah blah blah. They end up moving in with each other and he started being very possessive and jealous. She tried to leave him and he tied her up and beat her with extension cords and belts for like 17 days. She got away one day but he followed her and was choking her in the street. Fast forward to him getting arrested…this fool starts calling the girl tell her he loves her, never meant to hurt her and that he needs her to write a letter to the DA office stating it was not him that did that to her. Don’t you know this chick actually does it?!! They played back some of their phone conversations of her telling him she loves and misses him. WTF!

Button

November 18th, 2013
9:57 am

Yes – go see it! I won’t do a spoiler alert, but it’s a must see. A Feel good movie. As for 12 years a slave, I’m still wavering on seeing. Maybe I’ll wait for it to hit dvd so I can watch it in the comfort of my home.

disco

November 18th, 2013
9:58 am

re bad boys. someone has to defend them so it might as well be me. my mother used to say “even a broken clock is right twice a day”. lol. just like good is relative, bad is relative. some of the guys in my past that have treated me the absolute best would probably be considered “bad boys”. thing is these so called “good guys” do some of the same dirt. shrugs.

SlimNu

November 18th, 2013
10:01 am

disco – You’re a G…lol

Miss Moni

November 18th, 2013
10:01 am

-Slim See stuff like that leads me to advise those types to seek professional therapy because clearly there are some other underlying issues, SMH!!!

disco

November 18th, 2013
10:02 am

re best man – I enjoyed the movie BUT. lol. you know with me there is always a but. the movie was good but it caused to much reflection. after the first movie you already felt invested in the characters. then to see the progression of their lives you had to sit back and reflect on your own. that was not what I paid (well not what dude paid) $10.50 for. lol.

Button

November 18th, 2013
10:02 am

SlimNu- that tv movie is a lot of women reality. Sad situation when you have your drawls torn off of you and go back to the person that tore it off of you.

SlimNu

November 18th, 2013
10:07 am

Button – That was a true story…you should’ve seen all the bruises, cuts, welts etc on her body. But what ended up happening was his 7yr old daughter was there when he beat the gf…she ended up testifying against him.

Celisea

November 18th, 2013
10:08 am

I was raised being a good girl….and I still believe in that today. What I had to learn over time and over by way of experience was how to relax and not be so staunched. How to give a little. But I don’t knock my upbringings….it gave me the foundation and backbone that I have today. I’ve had dudes say I’m too prudish, too old school, not enough of this or that. Annnnd? I certainly wasn’t gonna hoe myself out just to prove otherwise. For what it’s worth, the things instilled saved me from a world of trouble for the most part. Taught me what I ain’t gotta deal with, when to walk how to smell BS and not getting bamboozled time and time again. Provided me with senses that most men don’t think a woman can possess. Nope I didn’t grow up knowing everything, but that “good girl” upbringing means more than keeping your legs closed, it’s not a image and it certainly don’t imply you’re perfect.

I think we should define “good girl.”

And the worst (as it relates to bad boy)? That dude that scavenges or slums with whom he think is slum worthy…you know feed and roll in the mud with bottom feeders, then tries to protray a stand-up image in front with whom he feel is “good image”worthy. For me, that’s what I consider a bad boy, a scalawag, a poser, a faker, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Not that dude that pushes the envelope or have a slew of women. Shoot, I can respect that, if that’s who you are. It’s God that judges…..bump all that mess on worrying bout what others think. They can’t feed, provide, give life, take life, give you a home eternally etc etc etc Who gives a happy what other folks think? If you’re scum, be the scum you are…lololol If you’re a good dude, be that. But please, don’t be tooting the good dude horn and you ain’t even worth crap….lololol

Reio

November 18th, 2013
10:12 am

Morning all!

“Guys, do you ever question the image of the women you date?”
I didn’t. Don’t recall dating someone with a bad image. I figured I’d find out for myself what she was all about. And I did.

“Do you wonder if they are who they say they are?”
As best that I can remember, none of my dates ever ’said’ that they were anything. Most of them would say the usual “I’m kinda quiet. Don’t get out much.” sort of stuff. A couple of them said that they “Liked to party a bit….” But no one comes to mind as having ever said that “I am this or that”.

” Do you think good girls are extinct?”
No. They’re out there. The problem, as I see it, is that, and I’ve said this on here many times before, women are their own worst enemies. And the biggest problem women have, is other women.

Let’s just tell it like it is.
All over the world women are taught to be the passive one when it comes to relationships. Men all over the world are taught to be the aggressor when it comes to relationships. He expresses interest, via a request for her phone number, an invitation to lunch, email address….., she reciprocates, and things go from there.
Well, guess what? Women, because they are female, are automatically at a disadvantage. To increase the likelihood of being shown some interest, they have to tailor their image to something that they know will attract men. And women, you know what will attract men. It depends on the environment, the current acceptable moral standards, what men, in general, are expecting and wanting……you know what this is. You talk. Word gets around.
Here is a prime example. And this is also the problem. One of the biggest reasons why women are expected, by men to “put out”, is not simply because men expect them to “put out”, but because a significant enough number of other women ARE “putting out”, that they have to follow suit and do likewise, or the guy, upon realizing that she is a “good” girl, and won’t “put out”, will just move on. And keep doing so, until he finds one that will “put out”. Of course, once he tires of her, or she, of him, he goes out to find another one that will also “put out”.

I know there will be a significant number of women on here that will say “ Wait! Hold on Reio. Da hell did this ‘Putting out’ sh!t come from all of a sudden? All men aren’t like that.” Which is true. But if it’s not number 1 on their list, it’s 1A for sure. Or, you will say “Well, I was always myself.” Or “I wanted them to be attracted to me, but I would never pretend to be someone I was not to get a man.” Or “I don’t/didn’t really care. They either like/liked me, or they don’t/didn’t…” Which is fine. I would never question any woman for having that attitude. It’s a good one to have, in my opinion. However, there can be no disputing the fact, that, when it comes to relationships, men are in the driver’s seat. It’s up to the women to supply the gas to keep it running. Be it “putting out” or pretending to be someone that you are not, or just being yourself. For the women that are willing to wait and hold out(usually a bit older and more experienced), this tends to be the best long term strategy. THIS group of women tend to win (find a really good fella) more often than not.

Here’s another thing. DAWGS AINT SH!T!!!!!! Yall cross the state line and come to Alabama, expect a major butt whoopin!! Falcons ain’t worth a damn either.
Gonna be out there for Thanksgiving next week. My daughter has planned a big dinner for the family. Suppose to be standing room only, from what I gather, at her home over there in Marietta (wherever the hell that is).

Celisea

November 18th, 2013
10:13 am

“an image”…not a image

MsAtl

November 18th, 2013
10:14 am

Single- I enjoyed scuba diving, but I don’t know if I could do it out in the middle of the ocean off a boat. I think I might panic. Breathing through my mouth just didn’t seem natural and my ears were clogging.

Button- Yes, the movie was good; laugh, cry, laugh, drool, lol

Slim- Now that there is some crazy mess!!!

SlimNu

November 18th, 2013
10:16 am

Reio – You’re in B’ham right or do I have you mixed up with someone else?

disco

November 18th, 2013
10:16 am

atl – re that drool part. does that not make you angry? I always find myself questioning why “hollywood” brothers and “espn” brothers get to look all fine and day to day brothers gotta look all regular. shoot, even the day to day chicks can hit the mall, the hair and nail shop and leave out looking like Hollywood. it just ain’t right. lol.

MsAtl

November 18th, 2013
10:18 am

Disco- “day to day brothers gotta look all regular” — Cracking up!
I tell you, when Morris was shirtless, I swear I broke a Ten commandment and a Deadly Sin. Woosah!

Reio- Marietta is on the other side of Atlanta. Don’t worry, you won’t be in the boondocks.

Celisea

November 18th, 2013
10:21 am

The entire section on Reio’s post of women better put out or else (in other words) is for the weak and the wounded (out in the dating world), both men and women alike. Frankly I’m surprised at your line of thinking, given you’re an older, more seasoned, married man.

And honestly, if you’ve (not you) never experienced the high road (and I’m talking men), I guess it would be inconceivable to believe there are some good dudes that don’t operate that way. Not every dude moves on cause you don’t put out. Some dudes pump their brakes cause it’s refreshing, something they’ve rarely encounted and just what they’ve been looking for. There are some good brothers out there than can recognize, appreciate and take hold on something they rarely encounter. Only those simple dudes come with that “do it or else” mentality.

Miss Moni

November 18th, 2013
10:21 am

-Disco I was going to ask how things went on your “expedition” date. . .

disco

November 18th, 2013
10:22 am

atl – except for mertz (however you spell his name). they need to sprinkle a little bit more Hollywood on him.