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Guilty of one month stands?

So I have heard about one night stands before, but apparently one month stands are all the rage now. Do you know what a one month stand is? Basically, it happens when one person wants to hook up but won’t come out and say that. Instead, they go through the motions of starting a new relationship and after about 30 days, they cut ties and move on.

One of my guy friends is guilty of this dating habit and I finally called him out on this pattern he has. He claims that he has good intentions but “these mini-relationships” fizzle out fast, not too long after the orgasm, I imagine. It makes me wonder if there is any real interest in starting something new or do we just convince ourselves that it is something real.

Have you ever been guilty of having one month stands? Have you had a period of time where you have started something up with someone but it keeps fading quickly and you are on to the next?

Why do you think we lose interest so fast? Is it because we prefer the short-term mini-relationships?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

304 comments Add your comment

Lee

November 14th, 2013
7:17 am

Never heard of this. Maybe some never heard of the expression: Don’t start something you cannot finish

Happy Thursday!

YesSheIsCute

November 14th, 2013
8:43 am

Good morning everyone!

This is the first I’m hearing of this. But I guess that is normal during dating (the fire sizzling out quickly), especially the person doesn’t know what they want.

Top 10 Reasons people lose interest quickly?
1. They just want sex
2. They don’t know what they want (but they think they do)
3. Compatibility issues
4. High expectations(expect everything to be like a rom-com/be like an ex)
5. Settling
6. Lame sex
7. The real person is complete opposite of the “representative”
8. Insane amount of unresolved baggage from previous relationships
9. Emotional instability (either one of them)
10. They have ADD

SlimNu

November 14th, 2013
8:46 am

I’m not into the short term mini relationships…wiggety wack. I want long term goodness ;-)

disco

November 14th, 2013
8:51 am

good morning.

yes – kudos for being together enough this early to comprise a list.

slim – you know I love wiggety wack.

one night stand, one month stand, one year stand, life long stand. sounds like they are all stands. ijs.

Button

November 14th, 2013
8:52 am

This is a hit and quit it type of situation.

Good morning!

SlimNu

November 14th, 2013
8:56 am

disco – Well if it’s really wack I’ll throw in WIGGETY WEEEEEEZAAAAAAACK. lol

disco

November 14th, 2013
9:00 am

as for the topic, I’m not going to hate a man (or woman if we have to reverse roles) who gets in it for about a month and then dips? why? because old girl gave it to him and likely because she wanted to. maybe after a month they realized they didn’t really even like each other all that much. it happens. maybe after a month somebody better came along. it happens. maybe after a month they got just enough watering to put the dry spell to rest. who knows?

disco

November 14th, 2013
9:03 am

maybe it was one of life’s great love affairs but it just happened to be short lived. maybe they knew they weren’t made for one another but they had 30 days to make the absolute most of it. maybe they’ll both look back fondly on this month for the rest of their lives. they’ll be making love to their mediocre spouses and remembering that month. lol.

Exiled

November 14th, 2013
9:04 am

Cough cough…the good gals of MIA blog don’t do this…whaeeet,?

One night/month stand?

You know DiVA,sometimes u got take these extreme measures.

Some gals’ sex is like Chinese food..looks and tastes good when u pummel the vjay but the feeling don’t last long enough.

So u bench her….
It is what it is.

Since we be getting into winter soon,expect an influx of 1 to 2 months long deals to be concluded.

It makes sense though…Walmart is upping the price of covers! :lol:

Good morning MIA!

SlimNu

November 14th, 2013
9:05 am

Well sometimes after you get the sexual tension out of the way, it just feels like a deflated balloon. For instance, there could be a man and woman that are good friends but they flirt often. One day they end up messing around and they are left sitting there like, why the hell did we go there. Then they go back to being straight up platonic friends. Once you get that monkey off your back, you can think more clearly

SlimNu

November 14th, 2013
9:09 am

Ex – No one said we don’t or haven’t done it but speaking for me, I don’t seek out month-long stands.

2CPTG©

November 14th, 2013
9:11 am

morning…..

yeah, tis the season for one month stands….but I think I’mma hold out for the one I’ve been pursuing…..

2CPTG©

November 14th, 2013
9:13 am

Slim, can I pick on you today?

disco

November 14th, 2013
9:14 am

a month long stand is just a one night stand that was better than both parties expected. lol. let’s face it, if one or the other wasn’t satisfied they wouldn’t come back for more. I think the real issue is that one or both parties doesn’t see the other as relationship potential. it’s a get some mission and that’s it. it will eventually run it’s course and possibly with no hard feelings.

YesSheIsCute

November 14th, 2013
9:18 am

Serial dating is real, y’all.

Leggs

November 14th, 2013
9:18 am

WTH, one month stands?? WD said her guy friend starts out with good intentions, but the “relationship” fizzles out after one month. Naw, that’s his personal time clock he adjusted his tiny weenie to. Within that one month time frame he’s picking away at the relationship purposely finding fault so he can bolt.

This is plum stupid.

Durty, my cash 3 fell in cash 4 last night. It may swing back over to cash 3 (lol).

Good morning.

2CPTG©

November 14th, 2013
9:20 am

Cutie, of course it is…..

disco

November 14th, 2013
9:22 am

2C – how long does one month stand season run?

random – just saw pic of Jennifer hudson’s pixie haircut. can’t say I’m feeling it. as much as I like her and as much as I love the pixie haircut, that haircut and her do not mix. ijs.

Button

November 14th, 2013
9:26 am

one month stands are in no comparison to one night stands. one takes effort, time and some money and LOTS of lies for a period of time while the other is not. jmo

2CPTG©

November 14th, 2013
9:26 am

although I said “one month,” it usuaually lasts from mid Nov til mid Feb…..we gotta get in prior to Thanksgiving, so we can eat good, and right after V-day; or some usually like to call it off prior to V-day….just depends….

MsAtl

November 14th, 2013
9:28 am

Morning All!

I’ve never heard of a one-month stand, no I’ve never been guilty of seeking or having one. To me, a month isn’t even long enough to get to know a man and get all the testing and stuff out of the way, much less have been sexing.

Button

November 14th, 2013
9:29 am

2C- say it aint so! lol

Raqi (Must be Married to a 2520)

November 14th, 2013
9:29 am

Diva, you need a new set of friends. LOL

disco

November 14th, 2013
9:30 am

button – imo, not really. the one night stand is quick, easy, over in one night. the month long stand just drags out longer. it doesn’t have to consist of dating, going out, acting like friends. it can truly be a matter of we are both here in our lives right now, I want some, you want some, I’ll call you or you’ll call me and we’ll make it do what it do. doesn’t have to cost a thing. doesn’t require much planning (unless there is a geographical distance or someone is creeping). it’s not that hard.

2CPTG©

November 14th, 2013
9:31 am

Not me, Button, but look around…..check your facebook timeline, and see how many of girlfriends start talkin bout their new dude….the one they just met last week, and movin in this week, and gon’ be at mama and nem’s for the holidays……

Raqi (Must be Married to a 2520)

November 14th, 2013
9:34 am

MsAtl, exactly. I don’t really see fizzling out after one month when IMO nothing has had a chance to really get started.

If Wise Diva’s friend is bedding these women in less than a month and then going MIA he needs to be called out on what he really is. A W***E.

Celisea

November 14th, 2013
9:34 am

While I’ve never had a one night stand, my guess is that’s it’s impulsive and in the moment. A dude “pretending” to be in it to win it…..til he gets some only to find the thrill fastly slipping is a liar, plainly. Buddy is playing games. Diva, Imma slightly reprimand you (in blog love, of course), for set this up as if…..as if dude really catches feeling and suddenly loose, not knowing what’s going on or what the heck this thing he’s doing is called. Ummmm, he’s a playa….and pretends til he catches the coochie….then he’s out!

You know, you could respect a one night stand over this or even a dude just saying hey, I’m thrill seeker. If you let me catch you, the thrill is gon’ be gone shortly thereafter….lol He should be honest and say to keep him interested, don’t kill the chase. Some dudes are like that. You wanna be caught but their attention span last as long as busting one, sooo you just gotta let them chase you…til they stop …….ha ha ha ha

SlimNu

November 14th, 2013
9:36 am

2C – Depends what ‘Picking on me” consists of…

Celisea

November 14th, 2013
9:38 am

Yep, I’ve encountered more than my fingers and toes, dudes that you can tell gon’ lose feelings quick as soon as you give some. You already know, “bet not give him none.” That be those dudes that pursue you relentlessly too. For me, I’ve been nice, chatted, maybe hung out, but in the back of my mind knew, nuuuuh uh.

Raqi (Must be Married to a 2520)

November 14th, 2013
9:38 am

2Can, I have never heard the before Thanksgiving for the food but I guess some do that. LOL

I do know I have heard of guys getting ghost right before Christmas to avoid having to buy a gift. Any man that does this does the woman he was with a great favor. That is a man not worth having.

Sometimes you don’t have do the weeding out, the trifling will do it for you.

Button

November 14th, 2013
9:38 am

to me that’s a cruel way of dating. to mislead a person into thinking there is something budding when actually it’s not. I bet there have been some harsh reprecussions doing this kind of thing.

Leggs

November 14th, 2013
9:39 am

I’m not into the short term mini relationships…wiggety wack. I want long term goodness

Here’s $5.75. On point. Sorry, but that’s all I have in my wallet.

2CPTG©

November 14th, 2013
9:40 am

Slim…..not picking on you in a bad sense…

disco

November 14th, 2013
9:40 am

as for one night stands. I’ve had one that I can’t tell you how many nights it lasted. lol. it really went on for a couple of years but we were never a couple. just “in between other thing” friends. it was all good (shoot, it even generated a little smile thinking back on it). even now, more than 20 years later I look back on it with no ill will. last I’d heard (and this info is many years old) he’d moved to Atlanta with some chick. lol.

DuShawn

November 14th, 2013
9:40 am

“Have you ever been guilty of having one month stands”
I’ve been guilty of having three minute stands.

“time where you have started something up with someone but it keeps fading quickly”
Yes, but I typically apologize and hope for another erection.

Button

November 14th, 2013
9:41 am

disco – ” they go through the motions of starting a new relationship and after about 30 days, they cut ties and move on.” this is not just hooking up as you described it’s going the whole nine for a short period of time with one agenda in mind, hit and quit.

Raqi (Must be Married to a 2520)

November 14th, 2013
9:41 am

Celisea, you are right. You can pretty much tell the ones that are trying to get in and out. They are the ones that are trying to fast track the “relationship”.

Wait them out and they will soon be gone. POOF!

Raqi (Must be Married to a 2520)

November 14th, 2013
9:42 am

I am standing her laughing out loud because I am responding to comments and my comments are all stuck in moderation.

Raqi (Must be Married to a 2520)

November 14th, 2013
9:44 am

I think Diva’s friend must targeting very young women because one thing that comes with aging is patience. LOL

Button

November 14th, 2013
9:44 am

disco – @9:30 that’s fwb situation lol

2C – lol I’m not on facebook but I do have gfs that does move rather quickly with a guy and within a month it’s over.

disco

November 14th, 2013
9:45 am

button – it’s all a means to an end. like I said earlier, if the party who wasn’t seeking a more permanent relationship got into a physical relationship in the first 30 days then that party really only played themselves. no point being mad at someone for getting over on you. that’s just me talking though.

Leggs

November 14th, 2013
9:45 am

“….the one they just met last week, and movin in this week, and gon’ be at mama and nem’s for the holidays……”

That me laugh because it definitely happens…so sad!

disco

November 14th, 2013
9:48 am

button – perhaps but I’m not one to get hung up on titles. long as somebody gets up and goes home in the morning it’s all good. lol. I never embraced FWB because often times folks aren’t friends. I know I’ve had dudes give me that line “girl we are just friends” and I’ve countered with “do you sleep with all your friends”. it’s semantics. casual sex is casual sex whether it’s one night, one week, one month, a year. if it’s not serious, it’s not a relationship, it’s casual. and guess what? casual is okay if you are okay with it.

Button

November 14th, 2013
9:49 am

disco – ohhh chile you’re smiling all thru that post lol

Reio

November 14th, 2013
9:51 am

Morning all!

This ‘one month stand’ is something new to me. Sounds like its sweeping the country. I don’t know. Not something I would do.

“to me that’s a cruel way of dating. to mislead a person into thinking there is something budding when actually it’s not”

Exactly. This is why I would end relationships so quickly during my dating years. Once I determined that it would not work, I ended it. For her sake as well as mine. I was chastised by friends and family for this, but I knew I was doing the right thing.

I hope yall ain’t been talkin bout me behind my back, since I haven’t been able to check in lately.
Yall proly was. Sayin all kinda sh!t while I wasn’t around.

SlimNu

November 14th, 2013
9:53 am

Leggs – You have me beat, all i have is $5.35 in my purse. lol

disco

November 14th, 2013
9:54 am

button – yep. that was during my hoodrat/project chick days. my cred was upped big time with that move. in some ways I got more props than the real girls of the neighborhood players did. dudes used to have me dole money out to their other chicks. they wouldn’t let their other chicks push their rides but I could. I was bout it back then. (yeah ghetto fab but so what – lol).

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

November 14th, 2013
9:54 am

ooohhh, or the BD that show up and stay through January to get in on that refund check….

those are classic

Button

November 14th, 2013
9:57 am

disco – we’re not on the same page, you’re talking about two consensual adults doing casual schex knowing full well of where they stand with each other but I’m talking about one person misleading another into thinking they are in a relationship when they are not. Telling lies.

Raqi

November 14th, 2013
9:57 am

Wise Diva, will you please free my comments?