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Wait for chemistry to show up?

What do you do when you are attracted to someone, ask them out, then find there is zero chemistry? Do you think chemistry has to be instant or does it ever show up later?

After going on two dates, Benjamin said he is physically attracted to Sarah but they didn’t really have any chemistry. I wonder if we focus too much on the sparks and chemistry and not enough on compatibility. How important is chemistry to you?

If you met someone and didn’t immediately feel like you two had to that “chemical” connection, do you think it is a good idea to wait for it to happen?

Do you have to want to rip the clothes off someone to date them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

112 comments Add your comment

Lee

November 11th, 2013
6:12 am

Do you have to want to rip the clothes off someone to date them? No but that can be fun.

chemistry ha, first i have to find one who isnt on viagra, disabled, crazy, married pretending they are single, grossly obese , bi-sexual, and a few other things before i can even have a date

Its monday enough said.

Exiled

November 11th, 2013
7:12 am

Do you have to want to rip the clothes off……..to date them??

Kinda,sorta…

Because if it’s for long term,u are going to have a long term association with them…so…

DIVA…there is no argument here.

Morning MIA!!

disco

November 11th, 2013
9:26 am

good morning.

chemisty is great and all but I don’t think it’s a deal breaker. you can like someone and get along very well without their being sparks and fireworks. I say give it a chance. who needs all that excitement anyway? oftentimes it is nothing more than a distraction which prevents you from noticing more important things.

3 comments in 3 hours. there aren’t that many V day sales. y’all need to log on and come on with the come on.

2CPTG©

November 11th, 2013
9:31 am

morning….

I’m ticked that I even have to be here!!!

chemistry? only if I plan on staying for the long haul….then of course we’ll need some kind of common ground.

disco

November 11th, 2013
9:34 am

2C – on a scale of 1-10 just how ticked are you?

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
9:39 am

There at least has to be some level of attraction. Chemistry is like a good tasting pot of stew. It simmers, starts percolating to a boil, the robust aroma surrounds your being, your tastebuds are tingling, the emotion surfaces to the rim of the pot and boils over. You explode with emotions, that’s when you have a match. Let it marinate and that chemistry can last a lifetime.

Good morning.

2CPTG©

November 11th, 2013
9:50 am

disco, 10!!!!!

I’m like, if the banks, and other gov’t buildings are closed, then this office should be closed!

kimmie

November 11th, 2013
10:16 am

Morning All!!

Topic – It doesn’t have to be instant, but it needs to happen rather soon. No waiting 6 months, a year for chemistry to kick it. No attraction is definitely a dealbreaker. Being compatible is not enough to sustain you for the long haul. If it’s not there, it will be like this cloud hanging over you. You will always be in search of something that is supposed to happen naturally.

Hey Disco!!!

disco

November 11th, 2013
10:18 am

2C – I feel ya.

leggs – you put a lot of thought into that chemistry. guess my brain ain’t functioning at that level just yet. I think chemistry and I think science experiment gone horribly wrong. I think chemistry and I think of hair color going wrong. you ever see a chick with greenish color hair? bad chemistry. lol.

disco

November 11th, 2013
10:19 am

hey kimmie!!!!!

by George I think we’ve got enough folks to talk about a little something. yeah!!!!!

kimmie

November 11th, 2013
10:34 am

Disco – I’ve been in a situation before where both of us were perfectly nice and compatible, had a lot in common, got along great,everything looked great on paper. Yeah we did the do. But the chemistry was just not there. It was like we were trying to force it. It’s like we felt we “should” be together. He finally broke it off and said he didn’t “feel about me like he should” after 2 years. He also had met someone else.I had to be honest with myself and recognize that there was just no spark, no chemistry! Dang, it’s almost putting me to sleep just thinking about it!LOL

I promised to never put myself thru that again. It’s not enough that a person is nice. The fire either is there or it isn’t.

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
10:35 am

disco ~ not much thought. Once I typed “a good pot of stew,” I simply visualized it cooking (lol).

Again, a day late, a dollar short. Driving into work I got the notion to play to 8013. I get to my desk and open the email from the lottery telling me of the numbers the night before. 9013 fell midday yesterday. UUGGH!

Celisea

November 11th, 2013
10:37 am

I thought attraction and chemistry was the same or at least related or connected. No? How are you “attracted” sans any chemistry? Maybe I’m misguided. For everytime I’ve been attracted to someone, I could have gone there. I mean I didn’t for reason, but that fiyah was there.

Now are we just talking encountering someone you just wanna smash…..and that’s all? I dunno, I’m having trouble separating the two. For me, no attraction means no chemistry and no chemistry means no attraction.

Celisea

November 11th, 2013
10:37 am

Celisea

November 11th, 2013
10:38 am

I’m off!!! :)

disco

November 11th, 2013
10:41 am

leggs – here’s a lottery story for you. you know I dream numbers all the time. dreamed of my deceased grandmother and my youngest aunt. the number was 555. so I told my mom and my aunt who are in two different states. 555 fell in both states within 2 weeks. meanwhile I still kept having dreams about my grandmother. dreamed the 123 you mentioned on here. then I had a dream where she gave me a purse full of money because I was going on a trip. at that point I figured those 5s must be for me. I sent someone to play the number for me for 10 days. turns out you can only play up for 5 days at a time. anyway, I intended to re-up but didn’t and 555 came out on the 6th day. buzzard luck. lol.

MsAtl

November 11th, 2013
10:43 am

Morning All!

I would want there to be an attraction if I am going to date someone. It doesn’t have to be the Fourth of July, but at least something…

disco

November 11th, 2013
10:45 am

C – I think of chemistry as more exciting than attraction. I think attraction can be more subtle and chemistry has you bouncing off the walls. granted I understand my view on it isn’t necessarily the right view, it’s just how I think of it. it’s why I say I can do without all the hoopla, bells and whistles of chemistry if everything else is all good.

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
10:48 am

WOW, banker numbers! I certainly can identify. I can stand in front of the tv saying what the next numbers will be once the first number falls. Unreal how I’m either one away or didn’t play that particular day. It really is too expensive to play all day everyday. You know I feel you.

Celisea

November 11th, 2013
10:48 am

Disco – Me too….can do without all the bells and whistles. If your post defines the difference, then I’ll take attraction over chemistry.

disco

November 11th, 2013
10:53 am

leggs – bankers numbers? I don’t understand the term. what’s that? child I hardly ever play numbers. I dream numbers all the time though. I said if my grandma really wants to hook me up she’ll give me those mega millions numbers. lol.

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
10:53 am

O/T: Has nothing to do with article. If you can’t wear skin tight pants like these w/o spanx, then simply don’t wear them. She looks a hot mess in the entire ensemble and her so no sexy pose further adds to her looking foolish. Did she not look in the mirror before going out? Bet the camera man purposely didn’t tell her the spanx imprint is shining through.

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/jackson-kids-murray-leave-country-niece-article-1.1512678

kimmie

November 11th, 2013
10:54 am

I can do without all the hoopla, bells and whistles of chemistry if everything else is all good.

Disco/Cel – You say that until you’ve had to go without it. Then it becomes the elephant in the room. Like MsAtl said, don’t have to be July 4th, but a little something needs to be there……

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
10:55 am

Banker’s numbers are the same 3 digit #. They don’t fall often and the payout is greater.

kimmie

November 11th, 2013
10:58 am

Leggs – First time I heard of banker’s numbers! Learn something new every day!

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
10:59 am

disco ~ if you really want to win Mega, you’ll pay closer attention to the numbers that are given to you in your dreams. Why should your grandma help you if you ain’t helping yourself (lol)? You have the #s, use them.

disco

November 11th, 2013
11:01 am

kimmie – you forget. I’m a chick that’s going without anyway. I’m almost in “beggars can’t be choosers” mode. just this weekend I was clowning about the brother I met in new York with one tooth. he was cool, we kicked it and had a grand old time. maybe I should have been nicer and given him time to fix his tooth. lol. yeah. that’s where I was this weekend. lol.

Celisea

November 11th, 2013
11:03 am

Kimmie, I’m team “all encompassing”….lol. I don’t really believe you can have one without the other. I’m of the belief though that it ain’t gotta be burning. Usually that kinda fiyah fizzles after a good smashing. That’s what I can do without. I like a slow burn anyway. IMO, a more slow laid back start is often lasting. I can do without all that fiyah and heat if that’s all to it. To me though that ain’t chemistry, that’s just wanting to hit it.

I think attraction and chemistry are intertwined.

disco

November 11th, 2013
11:03 am

leggs – I pay attention. I wake up out of my sleep and write numbers down. thing is 9 times out of 10 I pass the numbers on to others. it’s usually a 3 digit or 4 digit number so I assume pick 3 or pick 4. if grams wants me to play mega millions she’s going to have to be real specific. lol.

Celisea

November 11th, 2013
11:05 am

Let me clarify…..there need to be heat, just not burning where you almost can’t stand it. That’s probably gone before it starts……lol

DuShawn

November 11th, 2013
11:17 am

“just not burning where you almost can’t stand it.” I caught that type of chemistry once. A couple of penicillin shots cleared it right up.

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
11:23 am

kimmie

November 11th, 2013
11:26 am

Cel – I’m where you are too. All encompassing, slow burn. No “either/or” with me. Then the thing that’s missing becomes all consuming, at least in my experience. I agree that attraction & chemistry are intertwined too.

The white-hot does not have a chance of sustaining. Neither does the match that never got a chance to burn either. It got dipped in cold water!LOL!!

This topic is a common one, thinking too much emphasis is put on chemistry and sparks and butterflies and such. I actually think not enough attention is payed to times when none is present. I think we all would be surprised at how often that’s an underlying issue when some relationships go sour. From the outside looking in, they seemed like a perfectly nice couple. You might hear thru the grapevine they broke up over something seemingly minor. Really, there were just no fire there. I’ve been there. :(

Disco – Believe me, you’ll end up more irritated with Mr One than you could deal with! You might end up knocking out the one tooth he’s got left!LOL!!

Exiled

November 11th, 2013
11:33 am

we kicked it and had a grand old time. maybe I should have been nicer and given him time to fix his tooth. lol.

@Disco..u left dude but after he had paid for what? :lol:

disco

November 11th, 2013
11:35 am

kimmie – you crazy!!! I just had to admit to friends over the weekend that I suppose a brother can get a tooth fixed as opposed to some of the other stuff that some of these jokers have wrong with them. of course, that wasn’t my frame of mind when I was looking at him like “gone somewhere with your one tooth”. lol.

ex – it’s too early. get some business.

kimmie

November 11th, 2013
11:39 am

Disco – Are you exageratting or does he really have only one tooth? Or is it just that he has this one tooth that he really needs to get fixed? You are right, there are proably worse things that could be wrong. But is his messed-up mouth a symptom of other issues? :shock: LOL!!!

disco

November 11th, 2013
11:44 am

kimmie – no lie. dude was missing a front tooth. not a side tooth or a back tooth but the tooth right up in the front of his mouth. it was hard to look at. I was in vacation mode though and so still had a blast. partied, danced, had dinner, the whole nine. a real good time. there was just the issue of “the tooth”. lol. at dinner one night he was asking what I was looking for in a man. I blew off the question but I was thinking “I want for him to have all his teeth”. lol. since it wasn’t any of my business I didn’t question it but I was wondering why dude spent perfectly good money on vacation that he could have been spending on a dentist. lol.

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
11:47 am

“Do you have to want to rip the clothes off someone to date them?” – No, but what a great date that can me. You’re sitting there, your mind is wandering wondering. Your eyes, your body language reveals your thought process, anticipation catapults the date to another level. You want to take your shoe off and play under the table….

SCREECH….wait, where am I???

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
11:49 am

kimmie ~ thanks. I’m sitting here wondering if he only had one tooth or one tooth that needed fixing. Makes a big difference. One toof doesn’t get a second look.

disco

November 11th, 2013
11:51 am

leggs / kimmie – it was hard enough looking at a missing tooth. I don’t think I would have been able to look at an entire bald mouth. just plain gross. ewww!!!!

kimmie

November 11th, 2013
11:55 am

Disco – I’m just shaking my head while reading that. But I guess it’s all priorities. I’ve seen otherwise intelligent people have everything together, but have totally jacked-up teeth!! That actually got to be one of the things I looked for in a guy – nice teeth!!!LOL!! Didn’t need a fancy car as long as he had one, or a 6-figure job, again as long as he had one, but please take care of your mouth!! It can be a complete turnoff!!

Exiled

November 11th, 2013
12:07 pm

Disco…see, u brought dude up….he aint here.

But u talking as if u did not see the missing front tooth before u decided to “kick it and have a grand ole good time”

or maybe u did say to him,”look,i am not comfy with ur missing tooth but we can kick it”..before spending money and having fun…

I am jes aksing Disco…no need for u to feel bad… :lol:

Its not like we dont know u already :lol:

Exiled

November 11th, 2013
12:10 pm

Kimmmie/Leggs..

I am glad u guys see what i see..

Disco is perfectly fine with spending one tooth guys money or diner and dranks but ….

U know what..forget it! :lol:

this is Disco’s MO

Exiled

November 11th, 2013
12:11 pm

disco

November 11th, 2013
12:11 pm

ex – you are asking a question that didn’t need to be asked. I mentioned having met a dude. I mentioned having immediately written dude off as not even being a possible. he was good people. while I judged his missing tooth for dating potential I do not think I am too good to associate with a person just because of a flaw. you, being you, always want to try to take something to a whole nother place and quite frankly, this morning, I didn’t want to play that game with you.

disco

November 11th, 2013
12:12 pm

ex – and at any point in any post did you read where I spent dude’s money or dude spent his money on me? you, sir, are just trying to keep up some mess. pull back, raise up, do something. dang.

Leggs

November 11th, 2013
12:15 pm

Ex ~ I didn’t read where she spent his money. She was simply turned off by his missing tooth but thought him nice enough to hang with, just no chemistry. Did you not pick up on any of that?

Exiled

November 11th, 2013
12:18 pm

ok.Disco….u walk! :lol:

altho i am not gon believe u didnt spend his dime :lol:

disco

November 11th, 2013
12:21 pm

ex – cool. you don’t have to believe but I sure would appreciate if every now and again, just every now and again, you would read a post, comprehend a post and make sure you fully understand a post before responding.

a friend of mine recently starting dating an African guy. I asked her where he was from. all she could say was Africa. smdh but that’s my girl. anyway, apparently he has a friend who wants to be hooked up. my girl said she thought of me and immediately thought against. all I could say was “thank you”. lol.

Exiled

November 11th, 2013
12:30 pm

all she could say was Africa

..i know..the ignorance is rampant..blame that on the white men….

A senegalese man would suit u fine Disco..they are french speaking,soft..too meek..and some of them are so fashion conscious! :lol