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Dating: Different approach for other races?

I swore I was not going to watch any more reality tv shows set in Atlanta. I tried so hard to avoid The New Atlanta but my hair stylist forced me to watch! There I am sitting under the hair dryer rolling my eyes at what was about to happen next. Then the really gorgeous blonde dude Tribble, Trouble, or whatever his name is caught my attention.

Actually, it was his looks and what he said that made me perk up. He was trying to compose a text to a young lady he was interested in. Since she was black, he sort of second guessed himself on how to phrase his message. As if a black girl required special handling and lingo.

So I ask you dear readers, do you need a different approach for someone who is a different race? Don’t you run the risk as coming off as a jerk if you suddenly switched up the way you behaved or spoke?

Interestingly enough, white guys have told me that they are unsure of whether or not they should approach women of other races differently.

If you have dated other races, did you ever feel that you have to change up your game?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

145 comments Add your comment

Lee

November 7th, 2013
7:11 am

If you have dated other races, did you ever feel that you have to change up your game? Yes i have dated other races, No i didn’t change a thing. Why, a man is a man, now what really depends is how he/she grew up and have different slags to how they relate to different things but that is anyone of any race. People make it more than it is…

Ex – yes i was in a relationship with not so good lovin, but the 99% of the time he was great, i wasn’t going to throw 99% of great away for 1% …..and many women doing that right now.. think about all those guy now that have viagra back in the day people just lived with it and dealt as best they could.. women didn’t divorce them–be cause of the rest of the time is what love comes from. You only use a small fraction of your time “bumping uglies” …

Today is my Friday :)

Exiled

November 7th, 2013
8:38 am

If you have dated other races, did you ever feel that you have to change up your game?

..umm..im sure like with anything,u have to plan and know exactly how to execute ur plan.

A different race means different ways,mores,culture maybe sometimes,lingo,perceptions and all that good stuff. So, yeah,u need to think bout it..and act accordingly.

..if u a black dude trying to approach a white chic..the good thing bout it is u dont have to worry bout the 3 month abstinate sex rule! :lol: (am i right swissie?)

@Lee..it goes both ways…i cant tell u how many times us dudes encounter ladies with dry…ahem…making it such a painful experience and leaving us in a conundrum..she’s phoine and a good girl but it aint happening good there in the sheets. :lol:

Good morning MIA! (soggy soggy day!..this aint sexual) :lol:

YesSheIsCute

November 7th, 2013
9:05 am

Good morning everyone! My day is not starting out so well but I’m determined to have a positive attitude and hope that we (my attitude and the universe) can keep my wavelength positive.

I’ve dated other races before and am still open to doing it. I don’t feel like I have to relate to them any differently. Guys are guys. But I do like to know if they have dated black women before or not so that I can know if this is Tabula Rasa I’m dealing with (where I would have to school him on some things) or not.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

November 7th, 2013
9:22 am

Ummmm, Ex, the D has never encountered dry…ahem. That sounds like a personal problem.

As for “dating” different races – the D never had to change. More often than not, being Black meant “exotic, new, and a temporary experience.” Everyone was upfront that I wasn’t going home to meet mama and they dang sho wasn’t meeting mine so….it was what it was.

MsAtl

November 7th, 2013
9:39 am

Morning All!

As much as I love Black men, I have to say that at this point, I am open to dating non-Black men. I do not believe that I will have to behave any differently than I do with Black men.

YSIC- Hope your day gets better.

Exiled

November 7th, 2013
9:50 am

That sounds like a personal problem.

@The D..I agree….my conningilus is improving! :lol:

Button

November 7th, 2013
10:04 am

You shouldn’t have to do a different approach when dating outside your race but you should keep in mind the cultural differences and try not to offend the differences. There’s no metamorphosis you have to do. Be yourself and look beyond the skin tone. I date outside my race, it just happens to be that way.

Good morning!

Celisea

November 7th, 2013
10:05 am

YSIC – Are you European or AA? I know you’ve mentioned living overseas

kimmie

November 7th, 2013
10:05 am

Morning All!!

Just came in to say hi. Don’t have anything to offer to the topic really. I would have ventured outside my race if I had not met hubs when I did. If I had, I would have just been myself, not changed lingo or behavior or anything. In fact, I think that would be a bit insulting. For example, don’t assume just because I’m AA that you have to use urban hip-hop lingo to have a conversation with me. The thing I would be most concerned about is respecting real cultural or religious differences. I can respect that all day with friends and people I work and live around. I was not willing to deal with it or convert in my personal life though, which is a big reason why I steered clear.

2CPTG©

November 7th, 2013
10:11 am

morning….

changing up the game for a different race? Not so much now as it used to be; My Generation, GenX, you probably had to switch it up a bit, but my kids’ generation, nah, they’re representing the true melting pot that Uncle Sam claims to be; however, though, demographics play a role in that as well….”Up Top” evolved much faster than us folks down here below the Mason-Dixon; They’re slowly coming around.

YesSheIsCute

November 7th, 2013
10:12 am

@MsAtl thanks… It’s not bad but it’s not a good start.

Button

November 7th, 2013
10:31 am

Kimmie – If I can get a dollar for every Black women that said If I didn’t marry so….I would’ve dated outside my race or at this point I’m opened to…….. Why is that? is it bc it’s a last ditch resort?

Reio

November 7th, 2013
10:32 am

Morning All!

Well, I don’t consider what I did dating women of other races, but, all but one encounters(3 total), occured while serving in the Navy. I guess the military has a different culture. Basically the first two were chance encounters. I was at a party on base and there were many women there. Black , white, Korean, Plilipinas, Latinas…anyway, a guy I knew(white) went over to ask a lady(white) to dance. They danced, they both went to her table to sit. A while later, he comes over and says “Hey, her friends want to know if you were the shy type.” I wasn’t, so I went over to their table, one thing led to another, and I wound up with Roni(Veronica), white chick.

It was a physical relationship. She said that she didn’t trust guys. Been hurt too much and was not ready for a relationship. Too risky. I did meet one of her sisters off base, though. She came to San Diego to visit her and we all went to various places together, for a few days before she left for home(Kentucky).

But I related to her the same way I would have any other woman. We had the Navy in common, so that was the topic of conversation qiute often. Nothing unusual happened. We hung out a while. I was later transferred to the Philippines. And that was that. Sweet lady. Kind. Respectful. Thoughtful. I told her that I thought that she should leave the Navy cause she was capable of much more. She would always laugh at that cause “That’s what my folks are always saying too.” Wonder what happened to Roni.

Button

November 7th, 2013
10:43 am

I never looked at the “race” but the individual. We are all of one race- the human race.

hazel

November 7th, 2013
10:44 am

yes you do have to change your game. I’m from another county and certainly a different culture. I am not used to certain things and prolly won’t respond to a certain type of approach.

hazel

November 7th, 2013
10:44 am

kimmie

November 7th, 2013
10:45 am

Button – At the time I was thinking along those lines, I was open to expanding my dating pool. While I find men of other cultures and races physically attractive, that’s about it. Like I said before, just not willing to deal with cultural & religious differences. That was the biggest factor for me. So if I did step out there, I still would have to find someone whose religion and culture matched closely with mine. A lot more difficult, so yes a last resort. I know it might be irritating to some to here that, but I did what worked for me. My hubs & I have similiar backgrounds and life experiences. Meeting him was like coming home. :)

Button

November 7th, 2013
10:48 am

hazel – if you change your game, how long will you have to keep it up? at some point you’re going to result to default mode then what? you’ve been bamboozled. Dating someone of a different culture is exciting and mind opening. I love it. Some men approach is weak regardless of where they hail from.

kimmie

November 7th, 2013
10:49 am

hear, not here

YesSheIsCute

November 7th, 2013
10:51 am

hazel where are you from? I think it is different relating to someone of a different culture and/or different country of origin, but I don’t think your “game” has to change necessarily. You may just have to be a little more strategic in how you play.

Button

November 7th, 2013
10:54 am

Kimmie- I’m not disregarding your decision on who you married, I wanted to know why you felt that dating outside your race was a factor if you didn’t marry your husband? It’s like me saying if I didn’t get married to a man then I would’ve opened up my options to inclulde women.

kimmie

November 7th, 2013
11:01 am

Button – As I said earlier, to expand my dating pool and step out of the box. Doing things the same way was getting me the same result, which was not much. I stepped out of my confort zone and met the man that became my husband as a result. Nothing like your example, which would include changing sexual preference.

Button

November 7th, 2013
11:06 am

Kimmie – you’re not answering the question so I’ll leave it alone.

kimmie

November 7th, 2013
11:10 am

Button – No I’m answering it, you just don’t like the answer!lol But okay.

Reio

November 7th, 2013
11:26 am

Seems to me that people are people. Women are women. Didn’t see anything vastly different from one race to the other. The only problem was that none of these “relationships” moved anywhere. The second encounter I had was, again, a white woman. Mike Proctor(black guy) had a white girlfriend, again, in San Diego, who had other friends, white chicks, that asked him if he would introduce them to some of his guy friends. My name came up. He told me about it and I said yes. I met several, but Kelly was the one that caught my eye. Mike and I were the only ones in the military. Kelly worked at a hospital there, Balboa Hospital, in administration, I think.

She was from Nevada originally, but moved to California with her folks at a young age. Never met her folks. Met all of her close friends, though. We were both quite young, and I never really got the sense that a real relationship was possible cause I knew that I was there for a number of Navy schools, but would wind up getting transferred overseas (Philippines) eventually anyway.

It was obvious that neither of us had a problem with dating other races. And I treated her like I treated black women. We went out a bit more than I would have preferred, but I remember enjoying the time I was with her. Lots of crazy nights down in Tijuana Mexico, which is right across the border. She knew all the hot spots. The do’s and don’ts of Tijuana. She was fun. I do believe that had I not been just passing through, we may have entered into a real lasting relationship. I don’t know. Never really gave a hoot what race a person was. All but three of my “dates” were black women, however.

DuShawn

November 7th, 2013
11:30 am

“Some men approach is weak regardless……”A couple of weeks ago I was at a sports bar watching the game alone and Wifey and her crew came to join me. My lady has a peanut butter complexion. She brought a chocolate one, our buddy Red and her new friend this Asian chick. (Not to be stereotypical, but she owned a few nail salons.) It was a good look at my table. As the night went on the ladies got lit, everybody’s having a good time. I mingled over to the Asian chick and started a private conversation. Jokingly, I mentioned the myth about Asian vaginas having a horizontal split. Baby, got offended like muffugga. “Man…me don’t like dat shid……dat shid no funny!” I apologized and explained that was not my intent. I was just trying to keep her engaged in the fun, because I noticed the other ladies talking amongst themselves a lot. But honestly, I found myself struggling for something to say. Her ethnicity had me initially a little awkward. As the night went on I smooth it out, but I almost blew it. On a side note – that was a Sunday, I missed work the next day and my mom had to take to kids to school. I felt like a horrible parent when the sun came up.

Reio

November 7th, 2013
11:35 am

Du – “Man…me don’t like dat shid……dat shid no funny!”

Did she really talk like that? Or were you paraphrasing?

DuShawn

November 7th, 2013
11:39 am

naw….bruh that’s verbatim. She was cool, but her English was………challenging to understand.

YesSheIsCute

November 7th, 2013
11:39 am

LMAO @ Du’s “man…me don’t like dat shid….dat shid no funny!” HILARITY! :lol:

Leggs

November 7th, 2013
11:40 am

In terms of Tribble trying to contact Africa via text, I didn’t think that was the way to go. Sure, we’re living in a world where everyone texts; however, when needing to talk with someone for the first time or invite them out it should be by voice…pick up the damn phone!

Culturally, we are different, but one common factor we all have is we are human. Treat everyone the same no matter their nationality. A man is a man, and a woman is a woman. Start with that and all else will fall into place. Women want the same thing from a man, respect, love, security, stability. A man wants the same thing from a woman, have his back, support his dreams, respect him, know he’s the man of house, and fix him a sandwich.

Good morning.

YesSheIsCute

November 7th, 2013
11:41 am

I’m over here crying laughing my coworker like I wanna laugh too! :lol:

YesSheIsCute

November 7th, 2013
11:45 am

Hi Leggs! Did you enjoy the movie?

Leggs

November 7th, 2013
11:54 am

YSIC ~ hello. Haven’t seen it yet, my gf chickened out from going with me on Saturday. Not a movie I want to see alone.

Leggs

November 7th, 2013
11:56 am

kimmie ~ hello! I read your answer and liked your answer.

Leggs

November 7th, 2013
11:57 am

O/T: Did any of you hit 710???

hazel

November 7th, 2013
12:00 pm

@Button and YesSheIsCute- My husband is black and I am from south east Asia. I come from a very conservative culture and traditional family. My husband totally changed his “game” to “get” me and still keeps it up. I really don’t know how to explain it, but he is very much so on point then even men from my country. He knew that he had to be a certain way to be accepted and i don’t think thats a bad thing. He is extremely happy in our marriage, and I treat him like a King and he spoiles me like a Queen. It’s give and take

Durty Burd

November 7th, 2013
12:02 pm

Good Afternoon Folks!

I am not sure what you change but you do change something about your approach! For me I have dated outside of my race and will continue to do so.

About 3 yrs ago I worked in an office where we have several folks who were born in different countries. I became friends with 2 beautiful ladies , one from Salvador and the the other from the Dominican Republic. I joined the ladies for lunch and we discussed a variety of topics including sex. One of the ladies mentioned I see you have already made your choice between the 2 of us. Puzzled, I did not know how to respond because both of them were married. NOTTTT!

Button…Why are u pressing Mrs. Kimmie for an answer? That is how she went about the dating process based upon her likes, her wants and experienc. Like we always say on the blog do you and Mrs. Kimmie was going to edo what she deem the best for her…

Durty Burd

November 7th, 2013
12:05 pm

Lucky Leggs did you hit the 710? O.K. what are you playing now. I will become a diligent player because you are on hot streak… :)

Leggs

November 7th, 2013
12:12 pm

I didn’t hit because I was home sick. I’m somewhat feeling 310, but I don’t have a strong feel for that # but I am feeling it.

YesSheIsCute

November 7th, 2013
12:23 pm

@Leggs I’ve never played the numbers. But I’m seriously considering it. How do you play?

Reio

November 7th, 2013
12:28 pm

Ween got no numbers here, cause ween got sh!t in Alabama!!

Leggs

November 7th, 2013
12:32 pm

YSIC ~ you can find directions are on the back of slip. I play $1 straight and a $1 box for the same number. The more you put on the number obviously the more you will win. $1 straight yields you $500. $.50 straight yields you $250. Always play straight and box because numbers usually come out jumbled than the way you played it. Seems lottery does everything to avoid MY # falling straight (lol). I can’t believe I missed 710, but I was sure Durty hit it….NOT!

Bottom line, play numbers that you feel a connection to. That’s what works for me.

Reio

November 7th, 2013
12:33 pm

The third chick of a different race that I dated was also white, they all were. In Virginia, Norfolk. I was at the Laundromat. One of my dryers was near hers. Initially, when she walked in with her basket, our eyes met, I sorta nodded my head, acknowledging her. One of her dryers stopped, and she came over to empty it. As she did, she dropped a sock, but didn’t notice it, so I walked over, picked it up and handed it to her. She thanked me, we struck up a conversation. A chance encounter. Believe it or not, I would go to that Laundromat every weekend and never saw her there before. After, oh, I don’t know, maybe, three weekends of going there after that chance encounter, she comes in again. We started talking again.

There was a hole-in-the-wall burger place next door. She said that she was going to go there after she finished folding her clothes. So I said “I thought about going there too, but it don’t seem like the nicest of places.”, “Oh, it’s ok. Nicer inside than it looks outside. Never had a burger there, but the nachos are great. You outta try it.”, So, i did. We started talking. One thing led to another, over a, maybe, two week period, we went to see ‘No Way Out’ with Tom Costner. Had to borrow a friend’s car cause mine was still in Alabama. The Navy flew me up to Virginia. But we kicked it for a bit. She was from Virginia, but a city away from Norfolk. I can’t remember the name of the town. She seemed overly interested in what my life was like back here in Alabama. “How big is Birmingham? How many brothers and sisters do you have? How long would a drive from here to there take? Is your mother tall like you? What interstate goes thru there?…..Lots and lots of Alabama/family questions. Again, I treated her like any other woman. Didn’t know how to. And even if I did, I wouldn’t. Take me as I am, or not at all. She seemed to laugh a bit too much at things I would say. Don’t know if she was just tryna appease me or she really thought I was funny. Even the non-jokes seemed to make her laugh. I never gave “acting differently” a second thought with her though.

Leggs

November 7th, 2013
12:41 pm

Like you said, Reio, when Mega/Powerball gets high go across state line (lol). Here’s a tip on Mega, they have a new slip with higher #s. Numbers didn’t go past 58 I think, now they’re go into the 70’s (meaning the 5 #s you can pick from before you pick the powerball #). AND, at least two of the five #s are usually in sequence, i.e, 17, 18 or 28, 29, etc. The entire month of October the lottery gave us a prize for those paying attention. 129 (my #1 cash 3 #) fell everywhere in different sequence in Cash 3 and Cash 4.

Hope that makes sense. Like swiss would say, when you start playing you will see your # everywhere (usually on license plates (lol)) because you’re more aware of it.

Reio

November 7th, 2013
12:46 pm

Well, All we know about here is MegaMillions. We are aware of the Cash 3… stuff, but can’t get there to play often, so we have to wait for the Mega jackpot to get high and show up. Never had sh!t here. Probably never will. Too many republican, teabags and teapots runnin thangs.

Durty Burd

November 7th, 2013
12:50 pm

Lucky Leggs, First how are you feeling? I hope you are feeling better.
Funny thing happened that day, the number was on my mind to play at lunch time by I was quickly side track and forgot to play it at noon…

Reio..When I was 18yrs old I worked in this sports/fitness club. This club exclusive and your income at the time had to be in a certain range. We had a diverse work crew. That was my introduction to other races. Also, some of the older ladies who would come to the club in the late hours were very friendly… hehehehehehe! to a 19yrs old maintenance worker…I kept it on the low…

Button

November 7th, 2013
12:51 pm

Kimmie – it wasn’t that I didn’t like your answer, I was looking for something more profound, more detailed of your feelings and how/what changes if any you were considering to take to expand your dating pool. Your comments are so lively and I was looking for a panited picture instead of a blanket answer.

KCMO

November 7th, 2013
12:52 pm

I don’t think race has anything to do with the way you approach a lady but the environment where she was raised in is more important.

Button

November 7th, 2013
12:57 pm

Hazel – gotcha.

Durty – I’m pressuring Kimmie? LOL no I’m not, I asked a question, no pressuring, I don’t have a gun to her head or anything like that lol

Leggs

November 7th, 2013
1:01 pm

Not sure what bug crawled up in me, but it leveled me flat on my back. Feeling better today, but this scratchy throat and hacking cough is quite annoying. Had to give my tickets away to Robert Glaspher’s concert last night.

Durty ~ when you’re being blocked from paying your # for whatever reason, that’s when you will win!