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Why does sex change things?

My friend Brooke wants to do a dating do over. She wants to go back in time before she and her guy decided to become intimate. There has been a change in his attitude towards her and she thinks it is because they had sex. He isn’t as attentive or affectionate and he acts kind of distant towards her at times. Now she wonders if they had sex too soon at three months.

Why does sex sometimes change the dynamics in a relationship?

Do you believe that the way men and women view sex in a relationship differs? In a new relationship, how do you know if it is the right time to get physical?

If things change after sex, would you break things off?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

211 comments Add your comment

Raqi

November 6th, 2013
12:18 pm

Reio, answer my question I asked you up thread. How do you deal with a situation when or if the woman you lay beside every night and have been having fairly regular relations with for years CAN’T give it to you for an extended period of time. Do you just be unfaithful to her because your thirst for sex is all that matter to you?

2CPTG©

November 6th, 2013
12:19 pm

No, Rock, I don’t have to have it……but you better believe, if me and my girl feelin it, and I’m feelin beastly, I don’t wanna hear that, “nooo,stop, don’t…..”

MsAtl

November 6th, 2013
12:19 pm

Celisea- I always give the side-eye when folks start saying 97 percent this 85 percent that. Anyone can make up statistics. I am getting to know a person before I become intimate with them and if he does not want to wait, that is his choice, he can leave; but I will not be pressured into sex just to have/keep a man. If a man is the type of person to do that, then that is not the man for me…

Celisea

November 6th, 2013
12:21 pm

Reio, don’t get mad cause what you’re saying don’t fly. It’s just not like that for everyone. It’s like y’all are outright saying our experiences are a fraud cause it’s not what you would have done…had it been you. Well, I’m not you and you’re not me. I don’t and never have operated with a dude pushing me around. I’m all about him taking the lead, but that’s nothing to do with being considerate of one another.

And boo, you wouldn’t have had to haul azz cause Idda pulled up the minute you asked if I’m onboard with premarital sex, your prerequisite for moving to the next step. Naw, Idda been like dude see yaself out. And that would have been based on the blatant disrespect (IMO) of going that and you didn’t even know me.

Raqi

November 6th, 2013
12:22 pm

2Can, I get that. Believe me I do. As long as she too is ready.

Being pressured into doing something you are not ready or comfortable doing all in the name of LOVE does nothing be create resentment and regret.

Raqi

November 6th, 2013
12:24 pm

Celisea, the only to look at Reio and his “had it been me” way of thinking is “Whew I dodged a huge bullet. I am glad he kept it moving”. LOL

Celisea

November 6th, 2013
12:25 pm

MsAtl – Agreed…I’m tossing a side eye to most of the comments today (except the sane ones…lol) We have got folks refuting our lived personal experiences cause it’s nothing they would have done? The entire sect of men are fooling us cause it ain’t how they see it?? We can’t be real cause no way they would have operated under such terms….and surely no other dude can possible be doing other than what they’d do or have done???

Let me tell you (not you MsAtl), there are more sound, sane dudes than what these men have apparently encountered or interacted. IJS

Like I said earlier….DEAD…..over it….done

Celisea

November 6th, 2013
12:26 pm

Raqi – LOLOLOLOL…exactly! Most definitely

MsAtl

November 6th, 2013
12:26 pm

Reio

November 6th, 2013
12:27 pm

Raqi – I thought I did earlier. But I’ll say it again. The relationship has been established, but for unforseen medical reasons(physical or emotional), she can’t. Well, sh!t happens. But the foundation is there, and we HAVE been intimate in the past. No need to cheat. We’ll work it out. She’s not making me wait. Unforeseen sh!t came up, so, we’ll have to wait.

Raqi

November 6th, 2013
12:31 pm

“The relationship has been established…”

Which is the same exact point that you all have been trying to make? An established relationship.

Thanks for proving most of the ladies point.

DuShawn

November 6th, 2013
12:33 pm

Maybe because I’m older now or I’ve had too much sex over the years, but I’m kind of indifferent regarding how long I would wait to get some. You could give it up on the first date or make me wait three months…..or really you can keep your puddy. I’d rather make some money or get some sleep. Both of which have surpassed sex on my priority list. A great meal and expensive cognac are running very close behind. Sex will never change the way I feel about a woman. If she makes it too bothersome, I’ll let her know I’m no longer interested………After all, I could always go home and get some from wifey.  j/k….maybe.

Mrs. SexyCool

November 6th, 2013
12:40 pm

Rock – all is well. I have few things to complain about…other than my employees who work my last nerve.

Mrs. SexyCool

November 6th, 2013
12:43 pm

Du – very mature perspective at 1233p.

Reio

November 6th, 2013
12:57 pm

“We have got folks refuting our lived personal experiences cause it’s nothing they would have done?”

I guess I’ll say this and, maybe get a bit to eat.

You will never read a post of mine that disputes a post of yours. How can I? When I haven’t lived your life? I post from my own personal experiences. Over the years, I have come to realize that 97%(you can agree with this percentage or not) of men will not wait 3 months in a relationship. Like I said earlier, that’s an entire summer. Too long for the average fella. Just sayin.

I have no desire to not believe that each of you are posting from your own personal experiences. But it is obvious that our collective experiences are vastly different. Even 180 degrees different. But I will go to my grave believing that a large majority of men will not wait 3 months in a relationship. All other things being equal. Jus sayin.

Raqi – Still not sure what point I proved, but, ok. I guess. Sounds like I lost/losing a contest in which I didn’t even know I had entered round here. But I enjoyed it. And would never even comtemplate questioning someone else’s life experiences.

Got a taste for some damn ‘vanilla wafers’ all of a sudden.

kimmie

November 6th, 2013
12:57 pm

Hey Disco!!! I missed you!!! (hope that wasn’t too emotional for ya, LOL)!!!!

Willie Dynamite

November 6th, 2013
1:05 pm

Afternoon all,

Mars and Venus at it again.
I’ll agree with Du and his 12:33. Never was that serious to me and ain’t that serious now.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

November 6th, 2013
1:12 pm

I was rarely pressed for sex, but when I was, it was because I wanted to get closer…confirm the feelings.

But I know dudes – and I think fellas know some too – that there lives were incomplete, out of focus, untenable if they couldn’t get “any”.

These dudes ^^ have: quit school, jobs, friendships, marriages behind that all consuming desire.

Willie Dynamite

November 6th, 2013
1:16 pm

While Not discounting at all what the women here are saying because you can only respect their perspective. Most women can’t fathom waiting when they are ready and being able to do the do. Place a woman in a position where they are denied by a man when they are ready and see what happens. Lets see how many of them body is a temple and all that jazz floats.

Celisea

November 6th, 2013
1:18 pm

Look, there are many things IMO that factors into why folks experiences vastly differs. A person’s upbringing tends to be the biggest differentiator and what that thing that set folks and their experiences apart. The whys, the hows, etc.

As someone said the other day, most men aren’t taught to regard anything about relations or relationships. Most go with what feels good…and that’s all, until they grow up. Whereas with women (some), we are taught (well I was) to value our bodies, don’t just hand it out like free cheese, every dude grinning don’t mean you good, don’t be or live recklessly, be selective, so forth and so on. So I imagine if I wasn’t taught and raise to believe like you was taught and raised to believe, then yeah we gonna be on opposite ends.

Now and again, not saying anyone is wrong for how they’ve done things, but I can say much of what I read just ain’t how I would do it and vice versa. And like you (and others), I’m one that will walk if what a dude brings just ain’t what I desire, require and stand by/on. I don’t agree with dropping a chick or putting pressure cause no sex is exchanged, but if that’s how a person have operated, then I can understand why that person would believe how they believe, or not or can’t grasp something outside of their experiences is actually possible.

I wouldn’t though, want to be that dude that was nothing but a horndog all my life…that would skew up his thinking and outlook big time.

Celisea

November 6th, 2013
1:29 pm

Place a woman in a position where they are denied by a man when they are ready and see what happens. Lets see how many of them body is a temple and all that jazz floats.

We won’t go and cheat with another. We won’t “quit” you. We’ll still be your boo… .

Willie Dynamite

November 6th, 2013
1:32 pm

As Clay Davis would say “shiiiiiiiiiiid”

MsAtl

November 6th, 2013
1:34 pm

Celisea- I will finish your 1:29 with “but you might not get that sandwich tonight, lol”

Willie Dynamite

November 6th, 2013
1:40 pm

Tell you what, your body is a temple i can respect that. Now with that being said put some extra cheese on that sammich. Hahaha

Celisea

November 6th, 2013
1:40 pm

MsAtl – Yeah, there’s a price somewhere…lolol

Celisea

November 6th, 2013
1:43 pm

Sorry, we ain’t like y’all…lolol Extra cheese it is

Willie Dynamite

November 6th, 2013
1:47 pm

Cel- you right, we ain’t like y’all. Maybe not from the blog chicks (and speaking only for myself) its harder to get that sammich than some puddy. Just my experience from back when I didn’t have a sammich maker on payroll. Hahaha

Celisea

November 6th, 2013
1:51 pm

WillieD – Ya don’t say…hahahaha Yeah, sammich making requires a few thangs…IJS That’s easy peasy though…you (not you) do right, you can get the sammich annnd a lil extra cheese

MsAtl

November 6th, 2013
1:53 pm

I’ll even add lettuce and sliced tomatoes.

Willie Dynamite

November 6th, 2013
1:54 pm

Really though I’m getting the sammich AND the puddy. What order is up to you (not you but you know what I mean).

Willie Dynamite

November 6th, 2013
1:58 pm

MsAtl- keep it up, I’m telling you if you come correct by cutting the crust off you might just get an application. Fugg around.

SlimNu

November 6th, 2013
2:01 pm

Howdy folks,

Are we still on topic? Hmmm why does sex change things? Well if I let you get some of this CT then we go together and I do not want anyone else making you bussssss pecans. Consider yourself peed on and marked until I see otherwise. If I was looking for a quick walnut, then i’d just rub one off. I wouldn’t need to have to deal with yo ass and wondering if you’re getting something out of it too.

(Today is my Friday, whooop whoooop)

Celisea

November 6th, 2013
2:07 pm

Alright now…with that, I’m gone to eat my sammich

MsAtl

November 6th, 2013
2:13 pm

WD- Lol. You just made me think of childhood when I absolutely refused to eat the crust until my aunt whipped my behind!

MsAtl

November 6th, 2013
2:18 pm

Well if this isn’t directly on topic for today…

HELP!!! We have been dating for 2 months. After the 3rd date we had sex….a week ago, we have an amazing connection and a great time together. I haven’t heard from him since the sex. I am crushed…wondering if he is dead or broke all 10 of his fingers. Should I call or move on??? ……Signed…”Staring at the Phone”….

SlimNu

November 6th, 2013
2:18 pm

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

November 6th, 2013
2:22 pm

Well….if he ain’t called, the “connection was lost”

daddy swiss

November 6th, 2013
2:24 pm

Totally off topic rant (sorry, but I’ve gotta vent):

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLYYYYYYYYYYYY F___________________KKKKK!!!!!!!!

Whenever you think you’ve seen the depths of human stupidity — you haven’t. There’s always an even dumber motherf__ker out there somewhere.

So this dumb@$$ in Denmark has been emailing me with stupid questions all week. I finally suggest to him that he sign up for one of my many pre-scheduled 1-on-1 consultations, and sent him a link to the schedule / sign up page.

This stupid motherf__ker actually emails back and tells me he doesn’t know which session to sign up for because he doesn’t know the time difference between his local time and US Eastern Time.

MOTHER F____________________KERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

You’re in luck, dumb@$$! There’s this amazing new invention called “The Internet.” You’re actually using it RIGHT NOW! On it is a magical place called “Google” where you can find out all sorts of useful information — like what F__KING time it is anywhere in the world — without having to ask ME.

Whew. Okay. Feel a little better. Now maybe I can actually respond to this moron without coming across as too condescending…. lol

YesSheIsCute

November 6th, 2013
2:24 pm

@MsAtl Ok…so she only had 3 dates in 2 months with dude?????

Sassy Me

November 6th, 2013
2:26 pm

Well damn SlimNu…tell ‘em how you really feel….nice post.

I’ve lurked all day but the ladies have made some very good points/comments.

we have an amazing connection and a great time together. I haven’t heard from him since the sex.

MsAtl…I wonder how old “Staring at the Phone” is? Sounds like after they “connected”..she got released…and she don’t even know it..

SlimNu

November 6th, 2013
2:31 pm

daddyswiss – OMG, i’m cracking up…..there is a chick in my office that does stupid stuff like that. We’ll all get the SAME email about something and she’ll be the only to read it or NOT read it and ask us questions about it. We’ve gotten to the point were we do not even respond. Now if she keeps saying “huh?” Then we’ll firmly tell her it’s in the email! DUH??!!!

sassy – hehehehe I haven’t read everyone’s comments but I think i came across a few gems. How could I miss out on disco’s rant on emotional mumbo jumbo :lol:

MsAtl

November 6th, 2013
2:34 pm

Swiss- I just fell out! Lol

YSIC- I thought the same thing; 3 dates in 2 months?

Sassy- Exactly! However, she could have easily placed a call to him if she was really wondering…

Sassy Me

November 6th, 2013
2:38 pm

~daddy swiss….WWWWOOOOOOOOSSAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Relax, relate..RELEASE!! Please don’t send a terse email…but we have a person like that here,too…we just pretend to be busy when they come around.

Slim, yes you came across some alright :lol:

Sassy Me

November 6th, 2013
2:41 pm

she could have easily placed a call to him if she was really wondering…

Exactly…

And, as it’s already been mentioned: only 3 dates in 2 months?. Reads like she was in rotation…and not very high in the rotation either. Maybe something has happened to him(life emergency/illness/A WIFE)and he can’t call.

YesSheIsCute

November 6th, 2013
2:42 pm

@MsAtl you know what though? Normally, I would say forget it and keep it moving. If he was interested, I would have heard from him.

daddy swiss

November 6th, 2013
2:43 pm

Breathe in…… breathe out…. breathe in….. breathe out…

Sassy / MsAtl / Slim — What makes it even worse is that I know this f__ker isn’t going to end up buying. It’s always the idiots from the tiny shops with no money that have the dumbest questions.

kimmie

November 6th, 2013
2:50 pm

It’s always the idiots from the tiny shops with no money that have the dumbest questions.

Swiss – Ain’t that the truth, same in everyday life too. Dudes with the tiniest ____ and no money got all the demands!LOL!!

Sorry, just couldn’t resist it!LOL!!!

MsAtl

November 6th, 2013
2:50 pm

YSIC- I would say the same. But as an adult (I am assuming) she could have called him and then depending on what happened, cut her losses and move on. Can you imagine both of them sitting waiting on the other to call? Nobody really got time for that right there.

MsAtl

November 6th, 2013
2:50 pm

Kimmie- well damn! Lol

daddy swiss

November 6th, 2013
2:53 pm

Awwww, look at you, kimmie! Well played, chica. Well played. lol