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Archive for October, 2013

Dating: Body type preferences?

Whenever people try to set my friend Mark up on a blind date, he always makes sure to ask about her body type. His preferences are specific and he already thinks that anyone who does not fit that won’t be attractive to him. He believes that being honest about what you find most attractive is not shallow, it is realistic.

It just always bugged me that Mark would literally rule a really lovely person out without one conversation or opportunity to check for chemistry. Do you think that having a body type preference such as height or weight another excuse that singles use not to give someone a chance?

This is just as prevalent in online dating when you select what you want to “filter” out in terms of what you are looking for in a date. Is that actually the smart way to go?

Have you ever noticed that you are attracted to people with a certain body type? Have you really dated based on that specific kind of person? What happens when we leave our “type” and try to leave our …

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Do you have to prove your love?

There are times when I think women try to test the men in their lives. Call it insecurity or manipulation, but every now and then women want to be assured that they are loved. In our minds, it takes something tangible or some grand gesture to prove that we truly matter.

Is it fair or rational? Uh NOPE. This does not stop us from doing crazy things and asking for way too much from our guys. My friend Vince said his girlfriend got really upset when he refused to get a tattoo of her on his arm. He has no tattoos and is not interested in getting one. Yet she somehow feels that his refusal to get one for her means he doesn’t love her as much as he claims to. Would you ever get a tattoo for someone if they asked you?

I admit that I have done some pretty stupid things to prove that I loved my guy. I don’t know if it was that whole “love is blind” thing or if I was just caught up. Sometimes when people know they have your heart, they take advantage, though. Has this ever …

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Gut check: Are you conceited?

Everyone should have confidence. Some people take it way too far. You date long enough in this city and you will meet those conceited people. The ones who believe their own hype. They are their own marketing and brand manager; part of their own street team.

Many of us have friends that will keep us humble and grounded. Some of us are self-aware and can tone it down when we need to. How do you know when your conceitedness has become a turn off?

I think one symptom of extreme conceit is those people with a laundry list of requirements for people they want to date. This is especially hilarious and ironic when they don’t reflect the things on their must-have list. How can you be conceited and picky at the same time? It’s easy when you are oblivious!

Do you ever have to check your ego and put things in perspective and context when it comes to dating? Have you ever met someone who is a bit too conceited for your personal taste?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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Relationships: Do we really want someone freaky?

I think everyone desires to have a healthy sex life and consider it important in a relationship. I just wonder when so many claim that they don’t want a “boring” or vanilla partner, are they really sure about the amount of spice they can handle?

I ask because one of my guy friends used to say that a woman’s bedroom skills could make or break the relationship. Then just the other day, he told me that his new woman’s skills “scared” him a bit. Apparently, she did some things that caught him off guard. He refuses to go in to detail (Yes, I am that nosy and so I asked) but suffice it to say he is rethinking his old “woman in the street, freak in the sheets” mantra.

Clearly, as his friend, I ridiculed him relentlessly because this was a classic case of careful what you wish for! What would you do if you were in a relationship with someone who was “too spicy” for your particular taste?

Do you get on their level? Do you ask them to chill on the freaky stuff that make you …

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Relationships: Be jealous!

I am friends with a married couple and they have an ongoing fight I keep getting dragged into. The wife, Linda swears she is not insecure or distrustful of her husband. She says he is a good man and she knows it but sometimes she gets jealous. She thinks it is a “healthy” amount of jealousy.

He says any jealousy is too much. If he has shown he is trustworthy, why does she get jealous when he hangs out with female co-workers at happy hour? Why does she need to always know who he is texting?

I literally run from this debate because I can see both sides of the argument. Linda says if she didn’t have any type of reaction to this sort of thing, he would think she didn’t mind..and she does. Shouldn’t she be honest with him about her jealous feelings?

When do you think being jealous is valid and warranted? Would it bother you if the person you were with never got jealous? Would you think they simply didn’t care about you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in …

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Stupid dating tricks: Video Texts?

Guy spots girl in Starbucks. He gives her a some pick up line and manages to get the digits. He later texts her a video..something. Not sure what to call it but it got posted online and it went viral. Is it a promo? A trailer? A sex tape invitation?

Since he used Drake’s Hold On, We’re Going Home song while trying to do some weird sexy hand peek-a-boo maneuver, people started an internet meme #DrakeHands. This is what dating has come to now? Not only do we NOT call and have a conversation, we moved beyond texting and now we are at video texts.

What would you do if someone sent you something like this? Would you be impressed? Creeped out?

What is the dumbest pick up line or gesture you have done to get someone’s attention? I once nearly hit a guy on his bike …intentionally. I don’t know WHAT I was thinking but he was going by fast and I couldn’t think of words, so I almost had an accident with him. So awful. Clearly he saw right through that!

Do you think stupid …

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Dating: Dealing with the bait and switch?

Many of my guy friends complain that women have a bad habit of changing things up once they get comfortable. Some “changes” are easier to tolerate than others but in those extreme cases, things can get dicey.

Take for instance, drinking or sex. How do you feel about dating someone who did/did not drink or have sex when you started dating but stopped/started after you were a couple?

I have two friends dealing with this bait and switch dilemma. Liz says she met her guy at church and he supposedly did not smoke or drink. After they got serious, he “suddenly” has a cigar hobby and drinks when he watches the game. Is she wrong to dump him if she believes he did the bait and switch?

My friend Keith told me that he really decided to date his girlfriend exclusively after he realized their sexual chemistry was “out of this world” great. She recently told him that she wants to abstain because of her spiritual journey and he is having a hard time dealing with this kind of change. …

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Dating: Are you overlooking someone?

I loved the film Baggage Claim, even though it was a total chick flick in its purest form. There is something about a young woman looking for love in all the wrong places, only to realize he was there the whole time. It may seem like Hollywood manufactured love stories but I know for a fact that we overlook perfectly good people in our lives. For whatever reason, we don’t see them as potential romantic partners.

I was talking to my friend Roger who believes that everyone should look in their circle of friends and take a closer look. There is probably someone who could be a good match, but for whatever reason we rule them out. For instance, would you steer clear of someone just because they were related to your ex? Do you avoid dating someone because they are close friends with a former fling?

Have you ever imagined that you have already met the person you were “meant to be” with already and don’t even know it?

Do you think it is worthwhile to do a little back tracking …

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Dating: Full and early disclosure?

Most of us have a few skeletons in our closets. Things we would much rather forget and definitely don’t want to disclose to a romantic interest. When it comes to giving full disclosure in dating, it’s virtually impossible to spill every single thing about your past. It is, however, important to share key pieces of information that the people you date need to know. Like a kid!

That’s right, trying to hide the fact that you have a child is not the way to win someone over. My friend Kelly said the guy she has been seeing for over two months just mentioned his infant daughter. He thought she would “overreact” and read too much into his situation. Whatever that means. I think not mentioning a small baby is a huge red flag.

Do you believe it is important to share certain details with the person you are dating? What should be revealed early on because you think it makes a big difference in a relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

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Why does the friend zone exist?

If you like someone and you are both totally available, how does one person end up in the friend zone? Despite your best efforts and not so subtle hints, you can wind up in the category of “good friend” instead of “person I want to rip the clothes off of” and it happens FAST.

Who benefits most from the friend zone? I ask because a woman I know has been the “emotional support” to this guy she actually is crazy about. He has never shown her an inkling of reciprocity; yet she waits and hopes he will see how great they can be together. He calls her to vent about OTHER women. She is the Mayor of Friend Zone but she would rather be that then not have him in her life. Have you ever been in that situation?

What happens when you find yourself liking someone who only sees you as a friend? Has anyone ever escaped the friend zone and actually made it into hot steamy romance?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

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