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Date someone with potential?

When you meet someone who you think is really great, would you be willing for them to get their life more stable? Perhaps they are in between jobs or recovering from a setback so they are not where you are exactly. Is dating someone potential naive or wise?

I ask because women can sometimes be accused of being too focused on someone’s success. Then if women date someone who is struggling, their judgment is question for dating “losers” or slackers. What is wrong with dating someone who has potential? If they seem to have ambition and plans to achieve their goals, can’t you be supportive?

What do you consider potential?

by Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

213 comments Add your comment

Hazel

October 31st, 2013
8:13 am

yes, of course. A potential person is doing something to get somewhere. Working at Target, getting a college degree and wanting to further the education is potential. This is an example. But yes, you have to ride to arrive as my husband would say

Button

October 31st, 2013
8:36 am

At this age, I wouldn’t be looking for potential, I’ll leave that for the youngins. He has to already ARRIVED!

SlimNu

October 31st, 2013
8:54 am

Good morning folks,

Seven more days until my mountains trip. Whooop whoooop! :-)

Hazel

October 31st, 2013
8:56 am

lol @ Button . i got you..

Button

October 31st, 2013
9:07 am

SlimNu – mountain trip? where?

Hazel – ya heard meh! :lol:

MsAtl

October 31st, 2013
9:08 am

Morning All!

I am on the fence on this one, but falling over on Button’s side. I have done the potential thing. I have stayed at home while my ex went to school, with the promise that when he got his degree, he would support me going back to school. I have refrained from taking classes when we didn’t have enough money for both of us to go, so he could continue. When I realized that it would never be my turn (because he wanted to keep me dependent), I went back to school and didn’t stop until I had my graduate degree. I have played secretary, lawyer, drill sergeant, helped him create and build his business, etc., etc. With the last man I dated, I helped him with his business as well.

And you know what? I am tired! I am at a stage in my life where I do not want to date a Build-A-Bear. You don’t have to be a millionaire, but I want you to have something legit going on where you can support yourself and me too if it comes down to that. That is what I offer and I expect the same in return.
Now, if y’all will excuse me, I am going to drink my coffee because obviously I need it, lol.

Button

October 31st, 2013
9:09 am

Hazel – it really irks me when I heard older ppl say so and so has great potenial. I get it that that person maybe in between jobs or what have you but to sit and wait on some 40ish person to get his/her stuff together is just exhusting. jmo

SlimNu

October 31st, 2013
9:11 am

Button – Pigeon Forge…and we’re having a 70’s party while we’re there and my disco shoes got delivered yesterday. Only thing left to get is my afro wig, some gnarly stockings and some big arse earrings. ;-)

Exiled

October 31st, 2013
9:12 am

Mountains trip?

SlimNu?…if u go missing how are we gon act when u give us such short notice?

Who u going with anyway…New guy?

On topic:

Only females that catch my eye would be rich cougars…55+,fit,nice body,medium built,no kids in the house and that are ready to spoil their catch!

Can’t cheat with poor and thirsty folks living from pay check to pay check but they got inflated and over valued stuff. :lol:

Good morning MIA!

O/T..tried to watch the American series(so called world series..blech!) game and couldn’t last five pitches..too boring.

But Congrats to John Henry & Boston Red Sox!

Button

October 31st, 2013
9:12 am

MsAtl – in paragraph 1 was he your husband? if so, then I don’t look at it as the same as someone you’re dating.

Button

October 31st, 2013
9:15 am

SlimNu- I’ve heard that PF is a nice place to visit. Have fun!

Exiled

October 31st, 2013
9:16 am

MsAtl..u may need post marriage counseling!

…do u realize u are stuck on ur ex hubby?

Mentally…

SlimNu

October 31st, 2013
9:17 am

Ex – Believe me, there are enough folks going that I do not need you as an emergency contact. We have a group of about 50 of us going. ;-)

Button – That’s the plan, thanks!

Exiled

October 31st, 2013
9:18 am

MsAtl?..but u also know that good D on the regular can quickly banish those ex thoughts! :lol:

Exiled

October 31st, 2013
9:19 am

Ok Slim.

just making sure u crossed all ts

Reio

October 31st, 2013
9:22 am

Morning all!

I guess I’ll have a different take on this than others, but then, maybe not. I don’t know. We’ll see.

Anyway, my first question to myself would be “Why would she want a date or boyfriend anyway?”
Given the fact that she is between jobs or struggling or in school….if I am where I want to be, or close to it, or already establishd, but she is not. My mentality would be to leave her alone and let her finish what she has started. Assuming she has started something already.
I know it’s true that this kind of relationship can be potentially long lasting(hell, they all are, potentially), but my gut instinct would be to leave her alone. Let her be. Perhaps, down the road, our paths will cross again, when she is more established and has achieved more of her goals. If so, then I would be more inclined to ask her out or talk to her to see where her head is at. But that’s just me.

And let’s just say that I do pursue her, and at some point, she starts to lose focus on her future, and stops striving to get ahead. Then what? What happens now? After we’ve been together for a while. What should I do? Encourage her? Yes. Support her? Yes. But for how long? And why should I have to encourage her anyway? That would be a red flag to me, to hit the road. After wasting her time and mine waiting, hoping, praying, that she will continue striving and be successful. Too many unanswered questions for my taste.
Ultimately, I would want to know what her goals were, but, more importantly, what are her concrete plans for reaching those goals? If she seems to have these things in order, I see no reason to not give her a chance.

The older they are, the less likely that I would give them a chance. At my age, one would have to have already achieved. You need to be set. Independent. Established. If not? Sorry. Bye.

The puzzy has to be good too! For me to wait. Fo Sho!!

MsAtl

October 31st, 2013
9:23 am

Exiled- No I am not stuck on ex-hubby. The questions and scenarios lend themselves to you pulling from your history and experiences. Your history and experiences shape what you will and will not do in the future. That is not being stuck on him.

Celisea

October 31st, 2013
9:34 am

Potential…..all of us had it I would imagine, at some point….eons ago. If you’re still “walking in your potential” past 30, it ain’t potential no mo! Potential moves to developing and development on to becoming a success or something like it…lol I say something like it because IMO, “success” is not necessarily or fully tied to money or some grand position. IMO, successfull is all incompassing.

Naw, I can’t do “potential” nothing at this age. Don’t misunderstand me, I understand sometimes things happen, well into living. Heck I can deal with that over and above you still tryna get your rap career off the ground at 40….IJS And for adversity, that same “potential” you had years ago should have developed into something that now teaches or taught you how to deal. If you formed a good foundation while in your potential, you’ll no doubt come out more than a conqueror. But yeah, and again, miss me with that “got potential” or walking in your potential, and you now have grandkids. That ship done sailed. LOLOLOL Heck, my kid, my nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews all have potential.

Celisea

October 31st, 2013
9:37 am

I’m echoing Diva’s sentiments though on women being danged if they do or danged if they don’t Won’t stand by a bum she thinks she’s better, hangs in there with a bum and she’s a dummy.

Miss Moni

October 31st, 2013
9:38 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Dating someone with potential is dependent on what type of potential they have and what they are currently doing to actually achieve that potential. If you are 35 and have had the potential to be a rapper since you were 18 and still haven’t had a demo or a mixed tape released or played on the radio, then it’s time to MOVE ON!!!

Some people use having potential as an excuse for currently doing absolutely NOTHING with their life. Honestly I believe that having potential at 20 is different than having potential at 30 and 40. When you start climbing the age ladder a person should be more established or at least grounded into a worthwhile career.

We are all a work in progress, however some of us progress a little better than others due to our determination and motivation to just do and be better in life. I’m absolutely NOT interested in dating a BUM (yes they have potential too), heck everyone has potential if the truth be told. I prefer someone who has already realized their potential and are working hard to accomplish another success in their lives. :-)

Miss Moni

October 31st, 2013
9:39 am

“At my age, one would have to have already achieved. You need to be set. Independent. Established. If not? Sorry. Bye.”

-Reio We are seeing eye to eye today!!! :-D

Celisea

October 31st, 2013
9:42 am

I do agree though, that we’re ever evolving and getting better. Still, that’s past “potential.”

Leggs

October 31st, 2013
9:45 am

“What is wrong with dating someone who has potential?” – I see nothing wrong with it. However, what’s important is long it will be before they reach their full potential and what their lofty goals might be. I’m in no position to be with someone completely starting over and struggling. I would hope he had some merit to his worth when I come into the picture.

Like Button said, leave build-a-bear project to the youngins.

Good morning. Uggh, woke up thinking it was Friday.

Reio

October 31st, 2013
9:45 am

Miss Moni – “-Reio We are seeing eye to eye today!!! ”

Don’t we see eye to eye everyday?

MsAtl

October 31st, 2013
9:48 am

Leggs- No, it’s Thursday Eve. Disappointing, isn’t it?

MsAtl

October 31st, 2013
9:49 am

Duh! Friday Eve

Miss Moni

October 31st, 2013
9:49 am

-Reio Actually, for the most part I suppose we do. . .

“Leave Build-A-Bear projects to the youngins.”

-Button/Leggs That is FUNNY to me, LOL & very TRUE!!!

Exiled

October 31st, 2013
9:59 am

Cel..u setting ur bar too low…

example:

he had a business,and it went bust and now he is working on his next project…the dude is a serial entrepeaneaur.
Probably dude is shacking with a friend because he lost his house that he had put up as collateral to borrow and fund his last move…

sharp dude but his current business has gone under.

would ya..or ould ya not?

see all u ladies focused on where he stay at and his job etc….errthing is just so shallow and vane for u folks.

u just need a ready man with a good j o b and nice car and got his own crib blah blah blah…every fool would want that.

But uall the same folks that say we should care bout a woman’s insides not the outside…

?????????

YesSheIsCute

October 31st, 2013
9:59 am

Good morning everyone! I’m over dating potential. If you have 3 out of 5 things together, or you got things established for the most part, then I can rock with you until you reach your goals.

But if you are still in your mom’s house, on your first year of a four year degree, never had a real job….I really don’t see how you are even in a position to date.

SlimNu

October 31st, 2013
9:59 am

“Leave Build-A-Bear projects to the youngins”

But didn’t even Pinnochio turn into a real boy at some point? :lol:

Leggs

October 31st, 2013
10:03 am

Celisea/SlimNu ~ I watched LHH and although I have a lot to say about those characters, I will say that I have a huge amount of disgust for Peter Gunn (?). I disgusted more with him than I was with rat-face StevieJ. To do what he’s doing on national television is despicable! Oh, and Amina Butterfly is a straight stupid trick! For her to think that tattoo means she’s “Mrs” is beyond my comprehension. Does being stupid ever stop?

Reio ~ that man needs prayer!

kimmie

October 31st, 2013
10:06 am

Happy Halloween Gang!!!

Looks like we are all on the same page with this “potential” thing. If you’re just starting out, cool. Once you get older, all I see is WASTED potential. And yeah Diva, us women are damed if we do & damned if we don’t so may as well do what we damn well please!!LOL!!!

On most topics such as this I think we should put a disclaimer out from the start that we are not talking about folks that have gotten laid off or caught up in the economic crisis. Those are exceptions even though they are happening to more and more people. But to me it just derails the discussion somewhat.

Getting outta here early today! It’s been a horrible week traffic-wise and I am not getting caught up in it this afternoon!!

DuShawn

October 31st, 2013
10:08 am

I’ve been with lawyers, doctors, politicians, leaders of industry, and hood rats. They were all treated equally. My dating philosophy is very simplistic. I’ve always dated women that made me happy. I never gave a dayum about their potential, goals, what they had or didn’t have. Never put that much thought into it. If I enjoyed their company, we hung out.

Reio

October 31st, 2013
10:09 am

“But if you are still in your mom’s house, on your first year of a four year degree, never had a real job….I really don’t see how you are even in a position to date.”

This is how I felt years ago. While in college, I was reluctant to ask women out, for fear that they would look down on me for not having much, or not having done much. It wasn’t a big concern or fear on my part, cause I did date a bit while in school. But I always felt that I was doing her a disservice, because my funds were limited and I had not established myself yet. Even if she were likewise, in college and struggling as well.

Leggs

October 31st, 2013
10:10 am

kimmie ~ and it will be nasty going home this evening. Last year was a nightmare.

kimmie

October 31st, 2013
10:10 am

Exiled take note:

Us women are damed if we do & damned if we don’t so may as well do what we damn well please!!LOL!!!

Leggs

October 31st, 2013
10:11 am

‘But I always felt that I was doing her a disservice, because my funds were limited and I had not established myself yet. Even if she were likewise, in college and struggling as well.”

That’s a crazy statement, but because you are the man that you are I understand. You have to be able to provide for your woman/gf/possible wife.

Celisea

October 31st, 2013
10:11 am

MMeello – I said life happens and sometimes we encounter adversity. I said nothing about a dude that’s not resilient, don’t have a back up plan, or can’t get his hustle on. I expect that if his business is a bust, he’s already on to his next hustle. I

don’t mean any harm, but it’s beyond me how you always get the negative or take a posts totally left. I didn’t say or imply any of what you wrote. You think we’re dummies don’t you? That’s the motherland rearing? You think we carry dudes and lay under el lamos, can’t recognize when to move or better yet forego? I told you, you think soooo low of us women. But, it’s all good.

I say that with blog love :mrgreen: Lub you still….muah!

SlimNu

October 31st, 2013
10:13 am

Leggs – Stupid was here before the dinosaurs and will remain after we are all gone. lol That Amina chick is the reason things of that nature continue to carry on…the whole mental competition of trying to take someone’s man.

Celisea

October 31st, 2013
10:13 am

Leggs – Imma take a pass on L&HH, NY….too much foolishness

2CPTG©

October 31st, 2013
10:14 am

morning….

dang, for the most part, I kinda agree with y’all ladies……as far as dealing with potentials; however, if depends what my motives are; if I’m seriously looking to settle down, then yes, I would want her to bring more than just utensils to the table; but If I’m seeking to smash, then I’on care what she got going on…..

Celisea

October 31st, 2013
10:14 am

I think we should put a disclaimer out from the start that we are not talking about folks that have gotten laid off or caught up in the economic crisis. Those are exceptions even though they are happening to more and more people

Cosign…..Exactly…..and Thanks!! That’s why I said I can deal with unforeseen events that might sidetrack a person….it happens to us all

Miss Moni

October 31st, 2013
10:14 am

-Slim EXACTLY!!! :-)

-Ex “All you ladies” are NOT focused on the same thing. Looks can be very deceiving, which is why if people just take some time to actually get to know a person they’ll be able to see for themselves.

Real adults plan for the long haul and not just stunt for the here and now:
-Own your car flat out, versus financing a car for 7 years and paying way more interest than you should. OR trading in your almost paid off car for a new car that you can’t afford.
-Invest into a 401K versus getting the NEW pair of Jordans EVERY time they come out.
-Invest into buying your own house/condo versus RENTING somebody else’s house forever.
-Make sure your kids have a college fund.
-Have life insurance so your family isn’t running around, stressed out, taking up collections to bury you when you kick the bucket.

Real mature grown adults, make sure that keeping their life in order is priority #1!

Leggs

October 31st, 2013
10:18 am

Celisea ~ I might have to do the same. Peter Gunn is disgusting. He’s a foolish man, a greedy man, a selfish man, an imbecile!

Exiled

October 31st, 2013
10:22 am

damned if and damned if?

Kimmie..I think that saying is more of a comfortable fall back on for some women.
I dont think there are guarantees as to how it will turn out ofr two wmen who chose two different paths..a project and an established person.

Its just a choice.

Uall women judge each other more harshly than men judge u.

MsAtl

October 31st, 2013
10:23 am

2C- “I would want her to bring more than just utensils to the table;” Lol. that is a very good way to put it!

SlimNu

October 31st, 2013
10:26 am

Us women are damed if we do & damned if we don’t so may as well do what we damn well please!!LOL!!!

:lol: :lol:

kimmie

October 31st, 2013
10:28 am

Cel – You’re welcome, that card seems to get played every time we have a topic like this and somehow that’s suppose to trump and excuse everything!

Moni – Girl, you post said it all – being a mature adult includes planning for a rainy day!

They had a discussion that kinda relates to this on the Bert Show the other day. They were talking about stepping out and taking a chance on a dream even though it might be impractical. They were basically encouraging younger folks to step out on faith and go on and go hiking in India for 3 months or pursue that music career before life’s responsibilities set in and you regret you didn’t at least try. They had folks that called in that went the practical route and are now accountants or teachers or whatever but had a small window when they were younger to pursue a passion and regret now that they didn’t. Cause once you get older and have kids and responsibilities, folks don’t really want to hear about your potential rap career or dream to be a dancer. Bills gotta get paid and kids gotta eat!

Hazel

October 31st, 2013
10:31 am

@Button – Yes, the potential applies to only a certain age group. after that.. I don’t know. The pickings get slimmer and slimmer. For a guy, 40 something…u better have arrived a while back, like u said

Exiled

October 31st, 2013
10:33 am

Cel…damn to ur posts!!

so i ask u a question,u see it as an accusation i laid on u?

I cannot comprehend the thinking…and conclusions u make..but any hoo..its ur brain.