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Ex-files: How do you handle backsliding?

Have you ever had an ex that you just can not seem to stay away from, even though you know you two shouldn’t be together? Do you figure out the reason that you always find your way back to them?

It’s really tricky when your ex has impeccable/awful timing and resurfaces in your life when you are at your most vulnerable. How do you handle backsliding to your ex? What do you do when you are tempted to go back to what is familiar?

Have you ever fell off the ex wagon and got back into a make up and break up routine that never seemed to end? How do you finally break it off for good?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

261 comments Add your comment

Lee

October 30th, 2013
6:48 am

All that back n forth is mentally exhausting , how do you break up for good? do not answer your phone when the fool calls.

Mornin

SlimNu

October 30th, 2013
8:13 am

How to handle backsliding? Um….get a good pair of cleats lol

Button

October 30th, 2013
8:16 am

Have you ever had an ex that you just can not seem to stay away from, even though you know you two shouldn’t be together? my ex keep calling and emailing me making stuff up for me to return his call. I fell for it once by returning his call to see what was the urgency, it was nothing but to see what was going on in my life. Since then I’ve put his name as DNA (do not answer). A few years ago we did the back and forth thing, it never amounted to anything bc we always ended up right back to the reason why we shouldn’t be together.

Good morning!

Miss Moni

October 30th, 2013
8:47 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

I’m not the type to backtrack. However, more than once the ex’s have attempted to get their foot back in the door. There is a real cordial way to tell someone to keep it moving because you have.

SlimNu

October 30th, 2013
9:23 am

WAKE UUUUUUPPPP! :-D

MsAtl

October 30th, 2013
9:26 am

Morning All!

I can’t do on again/off again. When I was married I put my ex out once. When I agreed to let him come back I told him it was his last chance. He didn’t believe me and tried me again, then was shocked when I was like I’M OUT! Like Lee said, it is mentally exhausting and I value my peace.

Miss Moni

October 30th, 2013
9:37 am

-MsAtl Nothing compares to having peace of mind. That is priority #1!!! :-)

2CPTG©

October 30th, 2013
9:44 am

morning….

guess I’m in the monority again….cause I don’ damn sho backslid with my ex’s! At the same time tho, san’t really call them Ex’s (’cept for the ex-wife), cause we weren’t really in relationships….but sometimes you just miss ‘em, and wanna see ‘em again, and hunch;

Celie, hit me up, tnymcky2000@yahoo.com ! we gotta go over your image progress; so far, you’re doing well, just a few small things, tho.

Sassy Me ;-)

October 30th, 2013
9:46 am

Mornting blog :mrgreen:

Have you ever fell off the ex wagon and got back into a make up and break up routine that never seemed to end?

When I’m done, I’m done..no need to re-visit or re-hash anything. Usually when I’m at the break up phase, I’ve checked out of the relationship and am ready to bounce. I’m not very forgiving like that with matters of the heart…so why re-open an old wound.

Reio

October 30th, 2013
9:49 am

Morning All!

Well, I don’t have much to say on this(sorta). I suspect that many of us on this blog will say “Just ignore them or forget about them…..” or words to that effect.

Well, I would share those sentiments. However, I would also add, that this is easier said than done for many people. In my opinion, everything hinges on how much you value yourself, peace, tranquility, and a relatively worry-free existence.

My grandfather told me once(actually more than once), that 99% of all of our problems/troubles stems from our relationships with others. All others. For instance, if the credit card company continues to hit you with late fees because you pay late, it’s primarily, because you entered into a relationship with them(You opened an account with them), secondarily, because you pay late. Don’t open the account? No card, no late payments, no late fee. Simple.

Suppose you need to leave a young child at daycare(Many people do. An absolute necessity for most. Understandable). But after a week or so, your child tells you that the teacher always takes their lunch, and gives it to other kids, leaving them with nothing. You find out that this is true. You complain…..So there is trouble, a problem. Primarily, because you entered into a relationship with the daycare, secondarily, because the daycare was not during its job in making sure that your child gets to eat their lunch, or a lunch provide for them. Don’t enroll your child in daycare? No having their lunch taken. No having to take the issue up with the daycare. Simple.

Likewise, you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, you hang-out for a while. You break up. Sometime later, one of you wants to get back together. Perhaps you do. Perhaps not. But if you do, problems arise as a result. But, let’s say you don’t break up. Problems arise. You’re still together, but there are conflicts, arguments, disagreements….Your problems arise, primarily, because of your entering into the relationship in the first place, secondarily, because of the inevitable conflicts that will occur during the course of any personal relationship. No boyfriend/girlfriend? No arguments, no heated discussions, no anger, no frustrations….Simple.

I said all this to speak to a larger issue. When it comes to personal relationships, often times we are our own worst enemies. If things don’t work out, Quit. Turn and walk/run away. Don’t look back. It can be tough sometimes. I know. But when the relationship turns sour, it’s always best to leave and don’t revisit it. It almost always ends the same way. Pretty much all of our troubles stem from our relationships with others. Makes sense to me. Relationships, in general, are unavoidable, but if one already knows there is trouble ahead, a detour is the best option. Just sayin.

YesSheIsCute

October 30th, 2013
9:51 am

Good morning everyone! I’m so excited tomorrow is Halloween :) I hope I win in the contest at work.

Anywho, I was backsliding earlier this year with my ex. I figure it was better to deal with him than to go through the whole getting to know someone, finding out if they really are trying to be with me or just wanna “have fun”, are we compatible, etc. I know him, he knows me, I’m comfortable. I got tired of it though. It’s like, I broke up with you for a reason, because this is lame. I wanted something better. Now it’s time to spread my wings, fly and hope my new destination is way better than the point of origin. :)

Once I stopped sleeping with him, that pretty much sealed off contact from his side. Oh well :lol:

YesSheIsCute

October 30th, 2013
9:54 am

Wow Reio. That is really insightful in a basic way.

Leggs

October 30th, 2013
9:56 am

No backsliding for me.

Ex Means: Thanks for the Experience, our time has Expired, you no longer Exist now Exit my life!!!!

Good morning.

MsAtl

October 30th, 2013
9:56 am

MsAtl

October 30th, 2013
9:56 am

Reio- Not much to say?

Button

October 30th, 2013
9:57 am

Reio – where will the child go if not the daycare?
your second paragraph – huh? whether you have a gf/bf you still face having disagreements in life.

MsAtl

October 30th, 2013
9:58 am

YSIC- So what did you decide on costume-wise?

Exiled

October 30th, 2013
10:08 am

Nothing wrong with a hunching backslide!
That is why it is bad strategy for a dude to verbalize the break up…let the chic say it….

Because when u call to ‘check on her’,she gon have that guilty conscience on her (because she the one that broke it off) and allow the house date.

Get ur Trojans ready!!

Good Morning MIA!

Exiled

October 30th, 2013
10:09 am

…that’s he said u established a relationship with the day care.

Durty Burd

October 30th, 2013
10:10 am

Good Morning!

I have slide backwards, forward, and sideways before! :) Sometimes the timing is bad and because careers etc get in the way you try again.Now that has not been the case for me, I have tried before to rekindle a relationship and the net results it did not work.

However, I am very guilty of going back to do some dinner, hangout and hunch or just hunch. :wink:

Ladies how many of you go back and hunch for a couple of months or years?

Reio

October 30th, 2013
10:10 am

To those that commented on my 9:49 post, all I intended to do was relate how practically all of our troubles stem from our relationships with others. To that extent, I was indicating that once we have learned that a relationship is not working, or has not worked in the past, it’s never wise to go back to it and expect things to be different. They may start out that way. Could be kinda nice for a while. But inevitably, the relationship sours again. This was not an attempt to suggest not putting a child into daycare, or not opening a credit card account, or not entering into a personal relationship with someone. I posted what I did only to suggest that one should refrain from re-starting a relationship, if one already knows that it failed in the first place.

YesSheIsCute

October 30th, 2013
10:17 am

@MsAtl I definitely WILL NOT be rocking the chinese takeout. It was ill fitting and I felt like a chubby prostitute with it on. I felt like one of those masseuses that specialize in happy endings. I put that up for another event in the future or possibly my next boyfriend. Whichever comes first :lol:

I decided to go as Nicki Minaj instead. I already bought the multicolored blonde bob wig and watched a makeup tutorial. All I need to get now is a fake butt from party city and I’ve already got an outrageous outfit so I think I should win.

YesSheIsCute

October 30th, 2013
10:18 am

@MsAtl but at least my boobs looked good in the dress. Sadly that was the highlight of it….

MsAtl

October 30th, 2013
10:21 am

YSIC- Okay, I am falling out of my chair! A chubby prostitute? Happy endings? Hilarious! Please tell me they don’t really sell fake butts?

O/T- does this meet the definition of irony?
http://detroit.cbslocal.com/2013/10/29/cops-halloween-fantasy-turns-into-reality-as-woman-beats-boyfriend-dressed-as-domestic-violence-victim/

daddy swiss

October 30th, 2013
10:24 am

Reio — So, I guess the Unabomber had no troubles… lol

YesSheIsCute

October 30th, 2013
10:25 am

@MsAtl yeah they do at party city. They sell Nicki Minaj costumes there and so they also sell fake butts…it’s $20 bucks though. I don’t see myself paying for something I will never wear again. Unless I decide to just be ratchet and dress like Nicki Minaj everytime I go to a club. Which is never.

Button

October 30th, 2013
10:29 am

MsAtl

October 30th, 2013
10:29 am

YSIC- Lol. I guess you could get two rubber water bottles and put those in your pants or some of those kids water wings from the dollar store.

kimmie

October 30th, 2013
10:29 am

Hey Peeps!

On topic – I’ve gone back before, but in hindsight, neither of those I would call relationships that had a chance to lead to marriage. In fact, that’s why I initially broke up with both of them. So when I “went back” it was really just for physical and someone to hang out with. When I cut both off completely, neither really understood that I was done. I got what I needed from them at the time and then I moved on to something real. I never went back to guys I was REALLY serious about. Most of those broke it off with me anyway. I was too proud to slide back with them. If I was not good enough to marry, I sure was not going to be the side piece!

Durty Burd

October 30th, 2013
10:29 am

MsAtl…That is too funny!

Who else dressing up for Holloween this year?

YSIC…Chubby prositute and happy ending go together huh! :) I did not know that!

Reio…You speak words of wisdom when the relationship is negative there is not reason to backtrack..

Durty Burd

October 30th, 2013
10:31 am

Leggs…I saw the 213 fall when I was playing the Mega Millions…I have learn my lesson you are the guru of the pick three number. What are you playing now? If I win enough blog drinks on me! :wink:

Leggs

October 30th, 2013
10:35 am

That definitely is ironic, not only that, both wore dumba$$ costumes. Why would anyone want to dress up as an victim of domestic violence. Much like the idiots who dressed up like Trayvon Martin with a black hoodie and bloodstains in the middle of his tee shirt and his best friend dressed up like George Zimmerman? It’s ri di c u l o u s!!!!

YesSheIsCute

October 30th, 2013
10:36 am

@DB LOL no they don’t go together. Those were two disjoint feelings I got from the way I looked in the costume. Seriously I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw women in the massage parlor wearing stuff like that. :?

MsAtl

October 30th, 2013
10:38 am

Leggs- I saw that. I saw another photo where a Black woman was dressed like a slave with a basket of cotton and a noose around her neck while a White man held the other end of the noose. Some things are just beyond Tomfoolery!

Leggs

October 30th, 2013
10:38 am

Durty, you of all people should have hit that number…I did!!! 329 should be falling soon.

Not sure if any of you have noticed, but Cash 4 has had a field day combining 129 (one of my cash 3 #s). I’m glad I caught the 6219 #.

Reio

October 30th, 2013
10:38 am

“So, I guess the Unabomber had no troubles… lol”

Actually, he did (eventually). And his troubles stemmed from his relationships with others (indirectly).
He bought his bombing supplies from others (Business relationship. They eventually traced his purchases). He used the U.S. Postal service to deliver his bombs(Federal government relationship), he actually killed or attempted to kill others(Law enforcement relationship, FBI, ATF, Postal Inspectors)….. So he had troubles due to direct or indirect relationships with others. Primarily, because of these relationships, secondarily, because he was a muthafuggin, sick, twisted, damn fool. Simple.

Celisea

October 30th, 2013
10:40 am

No backsliding…not now, nor have been for years now.

In the past? I guess. The kid’s dad and I did so much on again, off again stuff that he’d grown accustom to screwing up, begging, pleading, “just showing up”, assuming that when it ended, it though it was just another one of those times. You know who they say, “when a woman is fed up”, she’s done, out, poof, gone, stick a fork in her. Well, he tried endlessly til my kid was about seven or so, and I guess it finally dawned on him that we were past that on again, off again mess.

Since that time? Nope, no more do overs. As I stated on here before, only once have I doubted making an abrupt move, but I didn’t go back. I dealt with it until that feeling subsided, all the while moving on.

Celisea

October 30th, 2013
10:41 am

2Can – Whatcu want? :)

Leggs

October 30th, 2013
10:41 am

MsAtl ~ I am so glad I didn’t see that one! WHY, WHY, WHY???

Mrs. SexyCool

October 30th, 2013
10:43 am

I remember trying a time or two to go back to an ex. Then I learned better.

Celisea

October 30th, 2013
10:45 am

Sometimes you gotta get out of your own head, when dealing with breakups

Button

October 30th, 2013
10:49 am

Reio – so you’re saying to avoid conflicts one should refrain from having any kind of relationship with anybody whether it be direct or indirect?

Reio

October 30th, 2013
10:57 am

Enter your comments here”so you’re saying to avoid conflicts one should refrain from having any kind of relationship with anybody whether it be direct or indirect?”

Oh, no. Not at all. What I AM saying is conflicts are inevitable. Unavoidable. To that end, and with respect to today’s topic, since conflicts ARE inevitable, one should refrain from revisiting old relationships that have already proven themselves to be unworthy of your further involvement, given past experiences in said relationship. That’s all.

Miss Moni

October 30th, 2013
11:01 am

“Ex Means: Thanks for the Experience, our time has Expired, you no longer Exist now Exit my life!!!!”

-Leggs That’s one of the best definitions of ex that I’ve read, makes perfect sense.

kimmie

October 30th, 2013
11:07 am

Button/Reio – There are people like that, that avoid commitments or relationships – be they romantic, financial, setting down roots of any kind, etc. They sort of drift. They cannot deal with any conflict should anything not work out. Kinda sad really.

A guy my hubs went to high school and college with came to visit the other night, along with his cousin. He had not seen them in years. Nice looking guys, mid 40’s, both have good careers, engineering. Neither can sustain a long term relationship. One has been seeing a lady long-distance for a few years and she finally said she had enough and don’t come back without a ring. He said he loves her, doesn’t want to see anyone else and doesn’t want her to, but he just doesn’t want to get married. He said he doesn’t have a reason. He & cuz both are still hanging out in the clubs and the cuz likes girls in their 20’s. They are always getting themselves in stupid situations, like frat boys. My hubs said the cuz is extremely bitter with the whole world, not just women.

At some point it just ought to get old.

Button

October 30th, 2013
11:15 am

you’re going to have to have some kind of interaction with ppl whether it be direct or indirect. Even standing at the cash register, the person in front or behind you might piss you off, heck the cahier or the bag boy might too. Even a hermit lives to some degree with no interaction with the outside world.

Mrs. SexyCool

October 30th, 2013
11:19 am

kimmie – they are destined to be old dudes in the club. (lol)

Miss Moni

October 30th, 2013
11:23 am

“At some point it just ought to get old.”

-Kimmie Unfortunately though for some people it just doesn’t.

-Mrs.SexyCool The old sugar daddy’s, LOL!!!

Button

October 30th, 2013
11:23 am

daddy swiss

October 30th, 2013
11:25 am

Reio — I guess that’s one way to look at it. Another way would be that because he had no meaningful relationships with other people, he became disconnected from humanity, and ultimately reality, and became a psycho killer. To-may-to, to-mah-to.

I actually get what you’re saying, and agree to an extent. But the solution isn’t always just ditch the relationship. That’s kind of like throwing out the baby with the bathwater.