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Is dating too businesslike?

I was hanging out at my favorite place for cocktails and I struck up a conversation with a young guy. He was lamenting about his dating life and said he was growing tired of shelling out so much money to spend time with a woman. Of course, I asked him why does he spend money to spend time with women? Then he looked at me as if I had 3 heads and replied, “Because that is what dating is all about, two people entering into an agreement.” Umm, really.. how romantic??

I don’t if women require a cover charge to spend time with them,though. I mean, some women do but making a date feel like some kind of transaction isn’t the way to a solid relationship, in my opinion.

Honestly, I was impressed with the guy that asked me out to volunteer at a food bank. We didn’t spend any money and helped other people. It was literally a win-win date. Do you think there is a way to make dating feel less like some kind of business agreement?

Would you be open to the idea of a “penniless” date? Where would you go and what could you do?

Happy Monday!

by Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

213 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

October 28th, 2013
7:13 am

Hey All

I’ve always thought of “dating” as having fun, and getting to know someone.

What is the agreement, women show up and men pay??

Lee

October 28th, 2013
7:13 am

Would you be open to the idea of a “penniless” date? Where would you go and what could you do? Well there are a bunch of things one can do, hiking, enjoying a drive to _____, going to the park for a free movie or concert that they have, browse the festivals walking around getting to know each others like and dislikes, once i went swimming with a guy had a good time , picnic and im sure there is more things to do for free or at little cost one has to use their imagination …. It doesn’t have to be hard people just make it hard :)

Miss Moni

October 28th, 2013
7:57 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Diva, I actually like your volunteer at the Food Bank date. Was that the very 1st date or had there been previous dates?

Dating is what you make it. I believe that it should be fun, comfortable, relaxing and enjoyable.

Button

October 28th, 2013
8:30 am

I can’t ever remember doing a penniless date. In a dating relationship for me there was always money shelled out. That’s just how it is. Even with house date, there is money spent on something whether it’s alcohol, dessert, going to red box to rent a movie, con doms :lol: or what have you, money is always spent when dating. There’s just no way around it, either party will spend money.

Good morning

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 28th, 2013
8:30 am

Guy: “Hey let’s go volunteer (as a date)”
Girl: “Yeah, how sweet. (and cheap, doesn’t he know who I am?)”
Guy: “let’s have a series of low – cost dates (until I see if you’re worth keeping around)”
Girl: “Okay. (He seems genuinely concerned for others, and cheap as heyal. Ion know if I can mess with a guy that doesn’t treat me like I’m used to/feel as if I’m worth/deserve to be treated.)”

Weeks later…

Guy is feeling girl, girl has consulted with her lonely and unhappy gaggle, girl dumps guy and laments to gaggle “where are all the good men?”

Good morning

Button

October 28th, 2013
9:04 am

Would you be open to the idea of a “penniless” date? yes
Where would you go and what could you do? Since it’s going to be penniless we can’t drive so we’ll walk to the nearest park and play a board/card game or bird/people watching, or read a book to each other. Fly a frisbee/or kite.

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
9:09 am

I would be open to a penniless date as well as an over the top date. There are or should be many sides to a person. IMO, getting to know a person consist of all aspects of dating. The dress-up date, the get physical (as in outdoorsy), the laid back casual date, the home date (i.e. cooking, movies, etc), the ingenious (i.e. penniless) date.

IMO there are many components to a person. A dude that just spends can be perceived as leading with his wallet. A dude that’s frugal can be perceived as cheap. Frankly, I wanna know all sides, as should he. I’m showing all my skills, culinary, my “I got you” skills, so forth and so on.

Yep, definitely just as open to a penniless date, as I am to an over the top or laid back date.

2CPTG©

October 28th, 2013
9:09 am

g’morning…..

penniless dating….sounds good in theory, but y’all know good and well that ain’t gon happen…..and lil buddy in ya story…..’po thang…..tell him the ability to woo chics without going into his pockets is an art that comes with time, and not very many can master it…..but if he needs help…..

tnymcky2000@yahoo.com !

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
9:12 am

Every date though, ain’t gon be penniless….IJS

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 28th, 2013
9:17 am

On topic:

Dating is very much a business transaction.

In exchange for the opportunity to provide services, prospective applicants are assessed based on a number of (varying) qualifications. Among them:

Attractiveness
Atrractiveness
Sensibility (defined as attractive, but humble)
Ambition
Competence (proven over time, though attractive people are thought to be competent without proof)and,
Goal orientation.

Once those qualifications are met, the next step involves other qualifying points, including:

perfomance (self-evident),
attractiveness (to friends for female/and young male)
achievement (what have they done)
goal orientation (what do they plan to do)and
strategic competence (how do they plan to achieve their goals).

SlimNu

October 28th, 2013
9:27 am

Morning gang bangers…

Single and Happy

October 28th, 2013
9:39 am

Wow, Dan, maybe I need to re-asses my thoughts on dating, (LOL)

Miss Moni

October 28th, 2013
9:47 am

Leggs

October 28th, 2013
9:51 am

“Because that is what dating is all about, two people entering into an agreement.” – When I hear statements like this, I always think of PoppaG. He firmly believes dating/marriage should be run like a business. There’s a CEO and a CFO!

“I don’t if women require a cover charge to spend time with them,…” – Sure they do. However, the time spent together doesn’t necessarily have rest on how much money you spent. It’s not even about the dollars, but rest assured there is some form of a cover charge.

Did anybody hit the Cash 3 on Friday…321 (box)??

Been on the dang highway since 8:15. Just arrived. I am now extremely sleepy!!

Good morning.

SlimNu

October 28th, 2013
9:52 am

Miss Moni

October 28th, 2013
9:56 am

-Leggs The traffic is one thing I don’t miss about my beloved city, LOL! :-)

SlimNu

October 28th, 2013
9:57 am

O/T: I went to Copeland’s for the first time in search of some good gumbo. I regret to inform you all that my search was a bust. I doubt I ever eat there again since I was not impressed.

Reio

October 28th, 2013
10:08 am

Morning all!

“Would you be open to the idea of a “penniless” date? …”

Fo sho!!

Only problem is, this won’t fly beyond the second date, if you get that far. Look, women expect you to spend some money on them. Plain and simple. Parks, volunterring together, neighborhood cleanups,….is a good way to interact with one another…..But the spending of money, on his part, will have to comence, and comence soon. And will not stop throughout the relationship. Just the way it is. It’ll never change.

MsAtl

October 28th, 2013
10:10 am

Morning All!

Yes, I would be open to the idea of a penniless date. I wouldn’t want ALL of them to be penniless, but I am fine with some. I used to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity with my sons. I think that could be a fun date, as well as the typical like free festivals, picnics, etc.

SlimNu- Gang bangers? Lol

Reio

October 28th, 2013
10:19 am

commence.

This young guy that’s “….lamenting about his dating life and said he was growing tired of shelling out so much money to spend time with a woman…..”, will become an old guy, lamenting about his dating life, if he does not resign himself to the fact that this is the way it is. It’s all part of the dating phase of a relationship. When you do spend money, and it doesn’t have to be a lot, you give yourself a chance with her. Don’t spend money? No way you get other dates with her.

Some things are just true: water is wet, fire is hot, grass is green, black walnut ice cream is better than any other flavor, and men have to spend money on the women they are courting. Simple. Can’t be disputed.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 28th, 2013
10:30 am

Despite the protestations otherwise, society has trained women to feel as if their value is defined in some way by the amount of money that is spent on them.

It’s a form of prostitution (IMO), but I digress.

Only few women at a certain point in their lives (whether via training or experience) finally understand that a man’s time and effort is waaayy more valuable than his money. The two are inextricably tied, and mutually exclusive.

If I don’t care, I don’t spend time. If I don’t care to spend time, I throw money at the ‘problem’. And when I care, I eschew the money I could be making and invest my time into something.

Ultimately, that’s what a lot of men (anecdotally) strive for. A gig/relations that allows me to ‘coast’ 90% of time, so I can spend time on the 10% that interests me.

My thoughts

SlimNu

October 28th, 2013
10:33 am

MsAtl – Yeah, we all attack the topic first thing and by 11 we’ve moved onto something else. lol

2CPTG©

October 28th, 2013
10:36 am

MsAtl, take me out and spend some money on me…..

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
10:42 am

Only few women at a certain point in their lives (whether via training or experience) finally understand that a man’s time and effort is waaayy more valuable than his money. The two are inextricably tied, and mutually exclusive.

While I’ll agree with this statement, there are more than a “few” women that gets this. Only those looking for a sponsor, a comeuppance and for sale is tricking and selling to the highest bidder. They’re the ones impressed over what he drives, what he wears and where he lives. Those of us that “get” the whole effort and spending time, ain’t waiting around for the material. We can drive our own, provide our homes and be baddest, flyest chick….if we wanna. We ain’t gotta “Hercules Hercules” over some dude and his possessions.

There are more than a few that get it.

MsAtl

October 28th, 2013
10:53 am

Celisea- Yes- more than a few!

2C- You, Sir, are hilarious!

SlimNu

October 28th, 2013
10:58 am

Seems like a serious case of the Monday’s today. Snail’s are passing us by

Exiled

October 28th, 2013
10:59 am

9:17
@Dan

On point!!

I’m not sure if ‘portfolio’ size is there but count that in. :lol:

DIVA,what planet are u on,,,surely Atlanta GA is not a location on there.

Happy Monday MIA.

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
10:59 am

I wonder how Purple, blue (remember blue), Simple Man, Blackfoote, are all doing. Oh, what about Kym? For Real? Anybody ever hear from these folks?

Just wondering

Leggs

October 28th, 2013
10:59 am

Exactly, more than a few get it!

Exiled

October 28th, 2013
11:02 am

I liked Button’s house date and con doms need!

Even a car date in the parking lot requires money(con doms)

Reminds me of Ared who refused the parking lot smash in the car because the club dude had no condoms

MsAtl

October 28th, 2013
11:07 am

Exiled- Ummm, it was actually an option???

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
11:07 am

Simple Man and blue use to have blog relations after hours…lol Shoot, Simple Man was that dude that was just sticking…any and everywhere when the blog lights were turned off…lol He seemed nice though :)

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
11:08 am

I dunno, maybe it’s me getting older or just dang getting colder (brrrrrgh), but I LOVE being home with my boo (when my kid is gone), chilling….sometimes! Movies, cooking, laughing, talking :mrgreen:
Sometimes we/he’ll cook and then we’ll go out for dessert.

Miss Moni

October 28th, 2013
11:13 am

-Celisea I’m LOL at you adding sometimes to the end of that lovey dovey sentence!!!

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
11:14 am

Oh and I LOVE Copelands….ummmm All my experiences have been good one. My sister and I took my mom to the location in Kennesaw last year for lunch during the holiday season. I pretty much do the location off Akers Mill.

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
11:16 am

MissMoni – I’m all about chilling and quality time. But everytime we get together ain’t gon be at my spot or yours…lol Nuh uh

Button

October 28th, 2013
11:16 am

Some men need to quit whinning about money! gosh, if you don’t want to spend money that’s your poragative but when it comes to dating it take M-O-N-E-Y. Real men know this, it’s the lil whinning boys who just don’t get it.

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
11:16 am

My Copelands post was suppose to be “yuuummmm.” I left off the Y

Miss Moni

October 28th, 2013
11:19 am

-Celisea I feel you on that. I’m also not a fan of a 1st date at his house. Like seriously, I don’t know you like that!

Button

October 28th, 2013
11:21 am

I went to Copelands once for the Sunday brunch, I wasn’t happy with the menu, not huge selection for non pork eaters. The live music was a nice touch and the mimosa was the debil! :lol:

Celisea

October 28th, 2013
11:21 am

MissMoni – It’s gon be a minute before I make it to a dude’s, or mine for that matter. I always start off “meeting up”, from there it moves to getting picked up. But no, we won’t be at my house or his until I feel comfortable enough. My kid is also a factor in this.

MsAtl

October 28th, 2013
11:23 am

Copeland’s Cheesecake Bistro? I heard the one near Atlantic station closed. I’ve been once and had a good experience.

Moni- I agree- there will be no first date at a man’s house…

kimmie

October 28th, 2013
11:23 am

Hey people!

Rough start today. Leggs, took me 2 hours this morning. I just had to resign myself that I was not getting here anywhere near on time and just take it easy, lest I be #4 of the 3 accidents I had to drive thru!

On topic – Agree with the ladies that more than a few know the real deal about dating and a man’s time & effort. Which is why there is such a strong reaction when a man clearly puts no effort into the process or makes no time for a woman. Eff the money at that point. It’s quite clear where you stand. A lot of men are lazy and expect to be able to throw out money and get maximum return from doing that. Which is why they complain when they shell out big bucks and get no lovin.

Dudes complain when they lead with their wallet and spend money on women nobody put a gun to their heads and told them to spend. These same dudes will be whining if they meet a woman they think is “too independant” and doesn’t “need” them enough.

Dating isn’t complicated, some folks just make it hard.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 28th, 2013
11:26 am

Well ladies,

As usual, you (and your circle of friends) prove to be the exceptions to my (and my circle of friends) actual and ancedotal relationships.

Huzzah

kimmie

October 28th, 2013
11:30 am

Some men need to quit whinning about money!

Button – Amen! It really gets old.

I think the ones that complain are trying to live outside their means, which is dumb. I never could stand a dumb man.

Leggs

October 28th, 2013
11:32 am

kimmie ~ I feel you. It took me an hour and 15 mins to get here. I listened to Nephew Tommy’s Prank Phone calls CD. It truly helped me deal with the traffic jam. Somebody is going punch Tommy square in his nose one day!!

kimmie

October 28th, 2013
11:38 am

Dan – I venture to say that no matter how much is spent, one knows when there is real caring involved. Real effort and quality time is put forth getting to know a person.

Button

October 28th, 2013
11:43 am

When it comes to ppl and their socioeconomic status, they should date within their cirlce. We all have different expectations.

Button

October 28th, 2013
11:44 am

circle not cirlce.

Button

October 28th, 2013
11:48 am

some men want to spend as little to no money as he could but want to get as much touchy feely as possible -Cheapskate
Saying that he’s giving his time that’s something you can’t put a price on – cheapskate.