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Dating: You won’t always connect

I think some people take it for granted that every time they go on a date, the person is going to connect with them and like them. Sometimes things just don’t spark and it is not anyone’s fault because “it is what it is” when it comes to attraction.

Of course, many of us have huge egos and the fact that someone doesn’t like us seems to just bug us so much. Why is that? Why do we believe that every time someone asks us out, it automatically means there is a love connection? I know some women feel as if they don’t even have to put much effort in because they were “asked” out or pursued first. Then they act shocked when they don’t get asked out for a second date.

When someone asks you out or you go on a date, do you expect them to like you so much that their initial attraction to you will automatically start sparking into something deeper?

How do you think we handle rejection in the form of no second dates or “sorry, not interested” responses start happening?

What did you do when someone you were dating decided not to call back?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

232 comments Add your comment

Lee

October 25th, 2013
7:54 am

I never go on a date thinking about love–in my opinion Love should be slow and grow into a deep meaningful bond between two people –in my experience anything rushed or fast ends the same way, its fun while it last but that is not love.

How do you think we handle rejection in the form of no second dates or “sorry, not interested” responses start happening? Take it as a blessing, and think of how much fun you could have with your next date.

Happy Weekend

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2013
8:37 am

Good morning everyone! Today is my Thursday. I’m excited. To answer your questions:

No, I don’t believe that every time someone asks me out there is a love connection. In fact, I pretty much hate that first date. I get so nervous and shy and always feel like I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing, or I probably won’t get a second anyway. I have to constantly remind myself that I have A LOT to offer and a lot going for me (and he probably knows this too).

I’m used to the European way of dating. You’re told straight off to delete their number and it’s not working out. Clean cut, done. It took some getting used to but I like that better than the American way of beating around the bush, avoiding phone calls, or excuses.

When someone asks me out on a date I just take a deep breath before I go and hope for the best. I try not to take rejection personally. This person can’t help it if they don’t like me like that or aren’t attracted to me. It would be nice to meet a plethora of people who DID like me. Instead of a plethora of people who don’t. My pet peeve is falling off the map. I don’t pursue so if I don’t hear from you, you won’t hear from me. An interested man follows up. Much like an interested interviewee/candidate.

If someone doesn’t call me back, oh well. My mom told me a long time ago: Humans reserve the right to change their minds. Maybe he changed his mind, and that’s his prerogative. I don’t have time to convince someone to like me, either you like me and want to be with me or you don’t. The end.

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2013
8:42 am

Lee, you’re right about taking it as a blessing. I remember not getting a call back from this cop I was seeing and felt a little hurt since we got to the second date. Fast forward a few years he was on the news for being a dirty cop. He and his girlfriend were arrested. Count it all joy.

Exiled

October 25th, 2013
8:43 am

I can hunch Anybody if I put my mind to it.

If I want her,I connect.
Merriwether got no hook like mine. Not even Cassius Clay(Ali for the youngins) :lol:

Good Morning MIA.

Happy Friday Y’all!

Exiled

October 25th, 2013
8:45 am

Yes?

So who u like between 2C and Durty..,?

..if u don’t beatbout dabush? :lol;

Say it! :lol:

SlimNu

October 25th, 2013
9:17 am

When someone asks you out or you go on a date, do you expect them to like you so much that their initial attraction to you will automatically start sparking into something deeper?

Well of course I do because I’m just that dayum Grrrrrrrreat!

How do you think we handle rejection in the form of no second dates or “sorry, not interested” responses start happening?

I don’t know about you but I blast them on dont date him girl .com and make up a whole bunch of bs to deter anyone else from going out with him. He’s mine Dayumit!

What did you do when someone you were dating decided not to call back? I left them about 30 voicemails telling him what he missed out on by not calling me back. I also sent pictures that I photoshopped with us together and also morphed a picture of how our kids would look. I had to paint the whole picture for him so he could REALLY see what he missed out on.

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
9:31 am

I know some women feel as if they don’t even have to put much effort in because they were “asked” out or pursued first. Then they act shocked when they don’t get asked out for a second date.

I’on know why, but this statement don’t sit well with me. You ain’t gotta sit up straight and “act right”, nor do you have to come off as thirsty, nor is there a plethora of things you should be doing to “show that man that you’re grateful he asked you out.” Of course all in my opinion and j/k/b/n/r.

Dude asks you out. You go. Either y’all click or you don’t or there’s potential there. What horse and pony show do you need to perform you know, that “effort” for getting asked out again?? Dude likes you and wants to hang out (i.e. see where things can go), or not. Now, backtracking a bit, I guess one should smile, be polite, energetic and junk (LOL), to show him you appreciate the whole date. I say that with a hint of sarcism cause still, even though I backtracked a bit, no horse and pony show needed. Go in there and have a good time, be yourself.

K…back on topic, you won’t always connect….it happens. It’s life. Move on :) If it was just one date, ummm whatcha stuck for? I mean, IMO that’s sort of par for the course, 50/50 chance, etc etc etc. IMO, nothing wrong with pondering over, “well dang I thought we connected”, but you shouldn’t be hung up. It was just a date, or two.

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
9:34 am

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
9:37 am

How do you think we handle rejection in the form of no second dates or “sorry, not interested” responses start happening?

I don’t know that I’d call it “rejection.” It’s folks’ perogative to have a second date! But to answer, you go on about your day, with your life.

What did you do when someone you were dating decided not to call back?

Went out with someone else that asked :mrgreen:

C’mon Diva!!

Button

October 25th, 2013
9:44 am

When someone asks you out or you go on a date, do you expect them to like you so much that their initial attraction to you will automatically start sparking into something deeper? hecks yeah! other than that, I’d stay home.

What did you do when someone you were dating decided not to call back? I would bust the windows out of his car! call him repeatedly nonstop leaving nasty vm or crying hysterically LOL j/k seriously some folks have done this. I didn’t take it personal if I didn’t like the guy that much, However I did wonder what happened. if I was digging him then I felt a certian kind of way about it, I mean we were dating for christ sake. Some feelings were involved.

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2013
9:51 am

ummm yes, we will connect on a date….because we’ve connected before even going on a date!

you’on believe me…..try me:

tnymcky2000@yahoo.com

DuShawn

October 25th, 2013
9:52 am

“How do you think we handle rejection in the form of no second dates…” First dates….it’s been a while. If I remember correctly, the rejection comes in the form of no first date. I can’t ever remember taking a chick out once and she did not want to go out again. I say this with the utmost humility, but I’m a fun azz date. I’m a charming charismatic guy. I’ve done some truly legendary stuff with women. It’s dayum near impossible not to have a good time hanging out with me. However, I have met a few that I just couldn’t vibe with. I found their personalities boring and their behavior, quite frankly, a little weird. In those instances, I knew there would be no second date…….Unless they were fine as hell. Then I would merely tolerate them till I got the panties or I ran out of patience and just stop calling. In retrospect, the honorable thing to have done would be to let her know that it’s not gonna work out, thank her for her time and wish her well. I had yet to evolve to that level of maturity and nobility back then.

Leggs

October 25th, 2013
9:55 am

“Why do we believe that every time someone asks us out, it automatically means there is a love connection?” – Who believes that? That’s presposterous to think that way. If you do, I can understand your ego being bruised.

When someone asks you out or you go on a date, do you expect them to like you so much that their initial attraction to you will automatically start sparking into something deeper?No. What I do expect is that him asking me out the first time might lead to us possibly having a connection that will lead to something deeper DOWN THE ROAD!

How do you think we handle rejection in the form of no second dates or “sorry, not interested” responses start happening? – For me, if I thought there was a connection only to find out there wasn’t one I’ll get a little bummed. In the next instant, I simply say…NEXT. Obviously, that wasn’t the one for me since I wasn’t the one for him.

What did you do when someone you were dating decided not to call back?Well, that determination will be made after I made a call to him. Our conversation would definitely indicate whether there was an interest to see each other again or not. I see nothing wrong with calling him after the date the next day if I hadn’t heard from him. Like I said, if the conversation isn’t free flowing and I’d rather sit in the dentist chair than continue talking to him, it’s probably a wrap.

Good morning.

Leggs

October 25th, 2013
9:56 am

“If I remember correctly, the rejection comes in the form of no first date….” – EXACTLY.

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
10:00 am

I don’t think it’s rejection if there’s no connection. Shoot, I’ve been out on dates and was ready to go. Just endured. And I’m sure a dude has said the same about me. Really, I can deal with just about anything….laughing, talking (you) drinking. The only time I’m turned off if dude is disrespectful or a dweeb. Otherwise, even if no “romantic” connection or potential, shoot you’re already there, may as well whoop it up and enjoy.

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
10:02 am

See, this is something mommies need to teach kids about early. Rejection, won’t always be first, can’t be the smartest, so forth and so on. I was always really smart in school. I remember it stinging really bad if I wasn’t first, in first place, scored the highest. Took me a minute to digest you ain’t gon always be a winner…not in that regard. Sometimes “no” yields the balance you need.

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
10:10 am

And there are some dudes out there (in my experience) that always got the panties girl. When you turned them down or wasn’t interested (mainly cause he was a horndog), that turned the pursuit up to relentless.

Remember Kevin, the Kappa? Iyayayaya buddy was on me like white on rice, only though, cause I was that one chick he couldn’t get. :) As bad as I want to go all in, I just knew that it would be nothing but heartbreak. And I knew when it turned from maybe digging me to all out pursuit.

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
10:11 am

I’m hushing here….I feel a narcissist attack coming…lololol

MsAtl

October 25th, 2013
10:13 am

Morning All!

Not every meeting is meant to develop into something and I am okay with that. I actually explained that to the movie guy when we ran into each other last month (he seemed a bit awkward) and he said well you didn’t indicate that you wanted it to go further, so I stopped calling you. Oh! I didn’t realize that every time two people of the opposite sex met, it had to be relationship or nothing. I am actually open to friendship with men even if I have no interest in them relationship-wise. I guess he was looking for his next ex-wife, though. I didn’t take it as rejection, I just took it as we were not looking for the same thing…
Gotta run into a meeting.

DuShawn

October 25th, 2013
10:35 am

It’s a beautiful thing when you meet someone and yall truly hit it off. I mean when yall just vibe effortlessly. I’ve been blessed to have had some extraordinary women in my life. I remember Karen. She was special. Her aura and her smile would light up a room. All my potnahs gave her props. She was that chick! Pretty, fine, smart with a little hood in her. When I pulled her, I was sprung… vacations, shopping sprees, holding hands and kissing in public the whole nine. Once the novelty wore off (i.e. I tapped that azz about 20 times), my feelings began to dissipate. Eventually, we respectfully moved on. Unlike wifey, she put that never ending sprung on a brotha. After our first date, she came back to my house and never left. Literally…..

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2013
10:40 am

@DuShawn that’s an interesting occurence you just mention. Dissipating feelings….

DuShawn

October 25th, 2013
10:52 am

I’m sitting her reminiscing like a mugg. Remember that “NEXT” first album with Butter love and Too Close on it? That had just dropped when Karen and I were dating. To this day, I smile and think of her when I hear it. I was in love with that girl…………for a couple of months.

Reio

October 25th, 2013
11:15 am

Mornin folks!!
Been kind busy lately.

I bet somma yall been talkin bout me behind my back, since I ain’t been round here much lately. That’s ok. Ion care.

Not much to say on this topic. Never knew ‘rejection’. Everyone I asked out, said “Yes”. Not braggin. I’m an average fellow, in my opinion. It just never happened, so I don’t know how I would handle that. I suppose that I would just forget about her and move on. I was good at that. Once I saw that there was nothing there for me, relationship wise, I dropped them. Don’t ask me why they never dropped me, cause I don’t know. Just worked out that way. Maybe had I dated more, it would have happened eventually. I don’t know.

Reio

October 25th, 2013
11:17 am

The one day it get to chime in, not many people around. What gives?

DuShawn

October 25th, 2013
11:25 am

is this thing on?

SlimNu

October 25th, 2013
11:28 am

The one day it get to chime in, not many people around. What gives?/em>

Reio – They knew you’d be here so they decided to stay away. lol

Reio

October 25th, 2013
11:30 am

I ALMOST got rejected though. Little girl said ” I bet you’re a playboy. Don’t want nuthin to do with a playboy.”, “What makes you think I’m a playboy?”, ” I don’t know, you just look and act like one. Talkin all nice, and using proper english….Ion know bout you.”, “Well, I’m a one woman man….”, “That’s what they all say.”, “Yes,but that’s what I MEAN. I got no reason to lie.” We continued along this, give and take, conversation till she finally said “Ok, where do you want to go?” We went out a few times, but it never grew. I, at some point, told her that I didn’t see this going anywhere, and told her why. She responded with “Just give it more time, I can change.” Of course, that ended it for me. Don’t change for me, be yourself. It was her personality that didn’t jive with me. That’s all.

Reio

October 25th, 2013
11:32 am

“Reio – They knew you’d be here so they decided to stay away. lol”

Well, I can stay away more often. Don’t want to scare people.

Leggs

October 25th, 2013
11:38 am

If anything, SlimNu is scaring folk. She been on a roll since first post this morning. She’s all the way crunked up!

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 25th, 2013
11:39 am

Rejection is part of the game.

For every 1 that won’t, there are 3 that will.

I know for a fact that I ain’t for everyone. Doesn’t make me strong/them ‘weak’, doesn’t make me ‘better’ or them ‘worse’, just different.

YesSheIsCute

October 25th, 2013
11:43 am

Reio! Nice to see you here again. How nice it must be to have never been rejected. You’re a guy who knows what he wants and didn’t waste time with the maybes, the giving the benefit of the doubts, and also paid very close attention to red flags. I guess if we all did that we could avoid it.

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
11:45 am

Daaang Slim, that was harsh!

SlimNu

October 25th, 2013
11:45 am

Reio – I’m just messing with ya…I lube your stories ;-)

Leggs – The kids these days would say i’m all the way turnt up :lol:

I’m going to see if I can’t run into some gumbo this weekend. ;-)

SlimNu

October 25th, 2013
11:46 am

Celisea – It wasn’t harsh, it was a jokey joke. It’s Friday and all ya’ll need to loosen those ties and control top stockings :lol:

Exiled

October 25th, 2013
11:46 am

Damn…it’s a coffin in here

Dead!

Exiled

October 25th, 2013
11:49 am

Maybe u can smile at that old,toothless dude today since it’s Friday..

ComeOn slim…gift him ur amorous smile.

Reio

October 25th, 2013
11:49 am

YesSheIsCute – Well, I’ve always felt that everyone has feelings. We all need to be respected….. So, I would rather not continue something, when I’ve already realized that it would go nowhere. For her sake, as well as mine. Many were rather nice, kind, ladies, just not for me.

SlimNu

October 25th, 2013
11:50 am

:-D How’s that Ex, big enough for ya?

Leggs

October 25th, 2013
11:50 am

SlimNu ~ I see I’m still behind the cue ball. I thought it was “crunked” up (lolol). I think everyone knew it was a jokey joke. Even her remark was a jokey joke w/o the lol (I think).

DuShawn

October 25th, 2013
11:51 am

“I know for a fact that I ain’t for everyone. Doesn’t make me strong/them ‘weak’, doesn’t make me ‘better’ or them ‘worse’,……….” I have a slightly different ideology. If you can’t vibe with me….something’s wrong with you. Cause I’m muffuggin great! That may sound a little narcissistic, but it’s actually a self esteem preservation mechanism. When you’re out here trying to get them all, you can expect some defeats. That mantra makes it easier to brush yourself off and get on to the next one.

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
11:53 am

My IPhone 5c is on it’s way!!!

kimmie

October 25th, 2013
11:54 am

Happy Friday Gang!!

On topic – You are not always going to connect. News flash, that is part of dating!!! If you don’t understand that simple concept, you should not try to date.

Cel – That “not putting much effort” thing didn’t sit well with me either. Diva, what is one to do, turn flips and take out a full page ad because dude asked her out? Sounds like the woman is not the only one with an inflated ego in this instance. Maybe the show of disinterest or lack of enthusiasm is a symptom of the lack of connection. One should show good manners and at least say thank you. Beyond that, can’t make something that’s not there there.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Durty Burd

October 25th, 2013
11:56 am

narcissist, egomaniac, attention getter….These words do describe one on the blog,I am not going to say any names (Celisea) but this person were these words proudly…

SlimNu…How about a picture of the CT, that will always get you a 2nd date! hehehehehe!

Heck sometimes I did not even know I was on a date, I took ladies out who I considered friends and maybe they wanted more but at the time I was booed up.Now if the were kinda scandalous (Scandal reference) and I did not deem them boo material, I would sex them up for a minute…

Hey the running with the bull had quite a few folks participating. I saw one picture of some knucklehead petting the bull…

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
11:56 am

Just kidding with ya, Slim! Yeah, it’s all stuffy and uptight. Let’s loosen up and have fun it’s Friday and my iPhone is on the way :mrgreen:

I know, I know, I’m all late and stuff.

Celisea

October 25th, 2013
11:57 am

Kimmie – Beyond that, can’t make something that’s not there there.

Exactly. If you go in just being yourself, that’s all you can do. If that don’t sell, well he or she is just not for you.

2CPTG©

October 25th, 2013
11:58 am

shiiid, I need Swiss’ input right about now….Swiss…help! Need some assistance with this database project….I hate this part of my job….bih, lemme just reset a password and call it a day!

Durty Burd

October 25th, 2013
11:59 am

narcissist, egomaniac, attention getter….These words do describe one on the blog,I am not going to say any names (Celisea) but this person were these words proudly…

SlimNu…How about a picture of the CT, that will always get you a 2nd date! hehehehehe!

Durty Burd

October 25th, 2013
12:01 pm

Good Afternoon!

narcissist, egomaniac, attention getter….These words do describe one on the blog,I am not going to say any names (Celisea) but this person were these words proudly…

SlimNu…How about a picture of the CT, that will always get you a 2nd date! hehehehehe!

Heck sometimes I did not even know I was on a date, I took ladies out who I considered friends and maybe they wanted more but at the time I was booed up.Now if the were kinda scandalous (Scandal reference) and I did not deem them boo material, I would sex them up for a minute…

Hey the running with the bull had quite a few folks participating. I saw one picture of some knucklehead petting the bull…

DuShawn

October 25th, 2013
12:02 pm

Another, self esteem preservation method is the “After She’s Rejected You, Find Something You Don’t Like About Her” technique. When she turns you down, you say to yourself “I didn’t want her any, her left butt cheek is slightly bigger than the right, ole lop sided azz.”

kimmie

October 25th, 2013
12:03 pm

Cel – I have the iPhone 4s and hubs gave me an Otterbox case for it when he gave it to me 2 Christmases ago. I just changed up and got this blinged out case on Amazon for it for $6. It has the Chanel logo on it. I’m acting like I got something brand new, showing it off in the office the other day! Everyone was cracking up on me. I’m in love with it, like I got a new phone!LOL!!