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New is always better syndrome

The last battle a single person has to fight before settling down is combating the “new is always better” syndrome. For women, we tend to romanticize the idea of new romance, new love, new butterflies in the stomach. Once the novelty wears off, you get bored and want to chase that same high that comes from someone “new.”

I think the syndrome manifests differently in men. They want to return to the sexual buffet of single women they believe they can have. The idea of settling down with one sexual partner takes some men a lot of time to get used to. Some never get used to it. I think women grapple with this too, though.

Do you think the new is always better syndrome is easier to get over if you really fall in love? Once you meet “The One”, shouldn’t it feel natural to get over the urge to chase new and better?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

130 comments Add your comment

Lee

October 22nd, 2013
7:06 am

Anything new is exciting. There have been several times i thought i had “the one” and in a relationship i never looked else where.

We are in the Me sociality instant gratification is wanted.

I believe that once a person has a clear understanding of what they want they will seek it out until they get the results they want, the ones always looking do not know what they want so there is no way they could ever be with just one–you know the type been single for 10 years or more never in a relationship but still looking has so many “friends” they have a phone book stored in their phone.

tootles

Single and Happy

October 22nd, 2013
7:15 am

Hey All

Do you think the new is always better syndrome is easier to get over if you really fall in love? Once you meet “The One”, shouldn’t it feel natural to get over the urge to chase new and better? I learned along time ago to look past the newness and try to see the long term effects. Is this someone I would want to spend a long term with, what are the things I can put up with, and what are deal breakers. But all this comes with taking time to get to know someone, instead of rushing in because of infatuation.

Once you meet “The One”, shouldn’t it feel natural to get over the urge to chase new and better? They are all “the one” until $hit hits the fan!!

They want to return to the sexual buffet of single women they believe they can have. Where dey do dat at!! (LOL) I guess the operative word here is “BELIEVE”!!

Miss Moni

October 22nd, 2013
7:45 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA! :-) *At work SLEEPY from watching the TLC Story on VH1*

Once you meet “The One”, shouldn’t it feel natural to get over the urge to chase new and better? For starters you only have to curb the urge IF you’ve actually been out there chasing.

Now I will admit that while NEW is interesting, I’m MORE interested in something that will stand the test of time.

Hazel

October 22nd, 2013
8:25 am

Do you think the new is always better syndrome is easier to get over if you really fall in love? Once you meet “The One”, shouldn’t it feel natural to get over the urge to chase new and better?

Yes, it should. You should not feel like you are missing out. The urge goes away after you are in love. I always wanted to be in the scene because I felt like I would miss out that one person. But after I met my love, I stopped going out. It went from 100% to 0.

Exiled

October 22nd, 2013
8:43 am

Once you meet “The One”, shouldn’t it feel natural to get over the urge to chase new and better?

@Diva..are u unwittingly admitting that U are always chasing the “new”?

anyhoo…speaking for some men at least..”The ONE” is a person,woman…ur lady…when a man gets “The One”…then there is no “NEW” anymore…we done..this is the lady to have babies with,cook u some food,to hunch till death do us part.

Now u may have been referring to New..as in “new pudy”..for men…Being the hunters we are..new pudy is always hovering…etc

We can discuss that on a different thread..another day!

Dont get it twisted! :lol:

good morning MIA!

SlimNu

October 22nd, 2013
8:54 am

Moni – I’m with you on staying up to watch the TLC movie. I wonder how Pebbles feels at that depiction of her getting over on them money-wise.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 22nd, 2013
9:04 am

@Slim

What do you mean “how does Pebbles feel?” Paid.

That lady ain’t never gave a fugg…

SlimNu

October 22nd, 2013
9:07 am

Dan – It’s just so messed up how folks get about money…

SlimNu

October 22nd, 2013
9:11 am

I’m MORE interested in something that will stand the test of time.

Co-sign ;-)

Miss Moni

October 22nd, 2013
9:15 am

-Slim From my understanding, Pebbles is still denying that she stole money from them. She pretty much robbed them blind! However, it was all in their contract that they did not read like they should have BEFORE signing. Pebbles did the sweet talk and they blindly jumped all in. . .

2CPTG©

October 22nd, 2013
9:27 am

morning…

ain’t nuttin like some strange!!!

Pebbles/”Big Red”……you wanna talk to me about your royalties and my books? “my office hours are from….”

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 22nd, 2013
9:38 am

Look, Pepples deal was shadier than most (album royalties paid to the management company first, the number albums it applied to, etc.), but make no mistake, back then – as now – people were getting ganked.

It wasn’t until stories like TLCs started coming out, that folks wised up.

Miss Moni

October 22nd, 2013
9:44 am

-2C That’s it! I called Pebbles a female Ike Turner, she was docking their pay by $5 for mess ups but was ONLY paying them $25 a week, LOL!!!

Miss Moni

October 22nd, 2013
9:46 am

-Dan I sure do hope that artists in this day & age actually READ the FINE print on their contracts BEFORE signing.

I’ve heard that Barry Gordy was the SAME way with his artists at Motown, no joke, getting rich while the artists were BROKE!!!

SlimNu

October 22nd, 2013
9:51 am

Moni – The part I thought was super funny was when they went to the lawyers office and found out he was also HER lawyer. :lol: Reminds me of that episode on Husbands of Hollywood.

Celisea

October 22nd, 2013
9:52 am

New what? And that’s the rub with “nu nu”, unless you opened the package yaself, somebody done already sampled. Settle your mind and call it what it is…it’s “different, other than”, but it’s definitely not new. :) Contentment brings on happiness.

Celisea

October 22nd, 2013
9:53 am

MsAtl

October 22nd, 2013
9:55 am

Morning All!

If I am in a relationship, I am not out looking for anything new/better, etc. I am focusing on the relationship I am in. I know some folks that will not let go of one thing until they have something else; wrong answer. If you are always looking for something new then you are not putting your time and attention where it should be- with the relationship you are in. Remember, the grass on the other side may look greener because it is being fertilized with B.S.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 22nd, 2013
9:55 am

@miss moni

Most don’t. And when they do, some don’t understand words like royalties, advances, ‘marketing for the album shall be paid for from sales’, and a whole mess of other stuff.

YesSheIsCute

October 22nd, 2013
9:57 am

Good morning everyone!

Yeah, I believe I’m a serial dater. I like the whole new feeling, the butterflies, the nervousness, the shyness the warm and fuzzy on the inside. I also like the comfort of being in a loving relationship. Sleeping next to someone, waking up with someone, having someone there and being there for someone.

I’ve been in love once before and it seems like that feeling doesn’t fade once I’m in a relationship. But that was a long time ago so I don’t know. I’ll let you know if that is still the case once I’m lucky enough to settle down with someone I’m crazy about.

SlimNu

October 22nd, 2013
9:57 am

They took advantage of the fact that those artists were just excited to have a chance. They probably didnt realize how money or talent they actually brought to the game. However, the managers and record labels did and paid themselves accordingly. The term Starving Artists was born. lolol

Hazel

October 22nd, 2013
10:00 am

I used to be friends with Left Eye’s sister. Before she died, she had bought her mom a house near Stn Mtn. It is an average house in an average neighbourhood. The brother married a sweet lady from honduras whom he met, when he was there with left eye. Money wise, they have to work now because left eye’s abrupt death didn’t give them a choice. The family still does whatever they can to keep Left Eye’s legacy going

Durty Burd

October 22nd, 2013
10:00 am

Good Morning!

Give em cars, drugs,clothes and sex and you will be able to steal from most artists. What is surprising is there are so many folks who will take advantage of folks and think nothing about it!… Where are all the good people at?

If you find the one, then all the trying to get the new, new will go by the wayside. Also when you are ready to build your life with the special someone then you will have enough love and respect not to make selfish decision that can harm the ONE….

SlimNu ….which pil do you want Blue pill or red pill?

Celisea…. I agree contentment does bring on happiness in relationship.

Miss Moni

October 22nd, 2013
10:02 am

-YesSheIsCute I too enjoy being a loving and meaningful relationship, but that’s the catch, it has to be loving and meaningful. I see too many people being with anybody just for the sake of having somebody. I’m not into that, learned the hard way to be more careful about who I choose to date. :-)

Celisea

October 22nd, 2013
10:02 am

Durty?? We agreeing today?? :) :)

YesSheIsCute

October 22nd, 2013
10:02 am

@2c *whimpers in fear* …from 9 to 5

Dag I’m feeling like I should have watched that TLC movie last night. :(

Miss Moni

October 22nd, 2013
10:03 am

“Also when you are ready to build your life with the special someone then you will have enough love and respect not to make selfish decision that can harm the ONE….”

Great point Durty, good morning!!! :-)

YesSheIsCute

October 22nd, 2013
10:04 am

@Miss Moni I totally agree. I meant to say I’ll tell you when I’m in a relationship with someone I’m crazy about, who is crazy about me and we are both compatible. I did the settling thing. Learned my lesson. Not doing it again. Patience and Self-discipline are virtues.

Durty Burd

October 22nd, 2013
10:04 am

There have been several times i thought i had “the one” and in a relationship i never looked else where. Lee do you fall in love very easily?

Durty Burd

October 22nd, 2013
10:06 am

Good Morning MissMoni!

O.K. enough of this agreeing with Celisea and this sappy luv stuff…I need to get back to being Durty Burd 007. lol

Celisea

October 22nd, 2013
10:08 am

It’s okay Durty, you can let your soft side show. We’ll still think you’re a durty burd….lololol

Sassy Me ;-)

October 22nd, 2013
10:13 am

Miss Monie…cosign on your 9:15…Pebbles will never admit to what she did. But it’s a story repeatedly played out in the industry, where “managers” put all of these stipulations in contracts that naive artists sign without reading completely. They blindly followed her and she led them over the fiscal slaughter.

The idea of settling down with one sexual partner takes some men a lot of time to get used to. Some never get used to it. I think women grapple with this too, though.

Just because one is in a relationship, you don’t stop seeing others as desirable/attractive…you’re still human. It’s about the choices made regarding said desire.

Sometimes people get bored…and that’s when the addage, “Ain’t nothing wrong with a lil strange once in a while”, comes to mind. Not EVERYone subscribes to this thinking…IJS

SlimNu

October 22nd, 2013
10:14 am

Durty – Um, i’ll pass on either. ;-)

I’m a one man woman…it comes easy for me.

2CPTG©

October 22nd, 2013
10:17 am

I’m a one man woman…it comes easy for me.

:wink:

Robert

October 22nd, 2013
10:18 am

“Once you meet “The One”, shouldn’t it feel natural to get over the urge to chase new and better?”

I can only speak for myself. If Beyonce was my wife I still would have the urge to chase new and better women. Why? Because I love the “thrill” and emotional “high”. I am addicted to beautiful women and I can not resist the urge. Addiction is a serious matter and can affect anyone. Everybody has an addiction (food, sweets, candy, alcohol, drugs, cloths, shoes, men, women, technology, etc.). I am a sex addict. What is your addiction?

Miss Moni

October 22nd, 2013
10:20 am

“I’m a one man woman…it comes easy for me.”

-Slim Ain’t that the truth, a role I know all too well!!! ;-)

kimmie

October 22nd, 2013
10:23 am

Morning Gang!

Topic – If you still chasing after the new, you not ready. And while I think this mindset is more prevalent in the younger set, some folks never really get past it. Age just catches up with them and they can’t pull them like they used to. That’s kinda sad, but works for some I guess.

I think it takes a little more than just meeting the One and falling in love. A lot of folks have that a little twisted if you ask me. Some think they will meet that one and suddenly get an epiphany and never have the desire to look at anyone else again. Only to have that old restlessness creep up later. I think you have to have the mindset before you even meet the one that you are ready to really get to know someone and build a life.

Yes, new is fun and exciting. What comes after the newness can be pretty wonderful too if given a chance.

Peebles jacked those girls and she knows it, that is very well known in the industry. I dvr’d the movie so I can chill and enjoy it later.

kimmie

October 22nd, 2013
10:25 am

I Ain’t Too Proud To Beg
Creep
Diggin on You

TLC is one of my favorite groups. Those girls rocked it. Chili used to work at the makeup counter at Rich’s before they hit it big. My youngest brother used to go by there and talk to her, he had a big crush on her.

kimmie

October 22nd, 2013
10:32 am

Sassy – I was listening to V103 this morning. There was a young lady they had originally picked to be in the group, Crystal, who was on the radio. She said they portrayed her story very wrong and she was peeved, but she does understand movies sometimes take creative license to twist the story. Anyway, on the movie they had her messing up the audition like those folks trying for American Idol. She said the real story is that they met with Pebbles several times and when she, Tboz & Lopez went to sign the contract she asked could she take the contract home and read it over with her mother. Pebbles said absolutely not, so she refused to sign the contract and did not join the group. Smart girl!

Sassy Me ;-)

October 22nd, 2013
10:35 am

Yes, new is fun and exciting. What comes after the newness can be pretty wonderful too if given a chance.

Excellent sentiment kimmie..

Yeah Pebbles jacked those girls for sure…there are TOO many different people saying it for there to not be any credence to the allegations. Lil Mama’s portrayal of Left Eye was ON POINT. At times it was like watching her(Lisa) and not another person…kinda eery. She did a very good job.

Miss Moni

October 22nd, 2013
10:42 am

-Kimmie I was straight JAMMING all last night during the movie!!!

In addition to those you named I’ll add No Scrubs, Dear Lie, Unpretty! I would BLAST the entire Fanmail cd in my college dorm room. :-D

SlimNu

October 22nd, 2013
10:45 am

What is your addiction? Love :oops:

kimmie

October 22nd, 2013
10:47 am

Moni – I like all of them!! I have a TLC greatest hits cd I have worn out. Oh from Fanmail I like Girl Talk!! Supposedly they just released another cd of their top 20 hits and one new song. I will be getting it!

2CPTG©

October 22nd, 2013
10:47 am

Slim……??????

Celisea

October 22nd, 2013
10:52 am

Actually, I thought the movie could have used more seasoned actors…I don’t think they did such a good job. But, I guess if we get into “seasoned” actors, that would be older folks. I guess in order to find actors that closely resembled them during that time, it would have to be younger folks. I thought the storyline wasn’t bad, but the acting was NOT good. It felt scripted.

They played a little of the new song…not bad

Rob? Sex addict? You don’t hang out on those ooochie coochie sites, do you?

MsAtl

October 22nd, 2013
10:53 am

Kimmie- “I think you have to have the mindset before you even meet the one that you are ready to really get to know someone and build a life.
Yes, new is fun and exciting. What comes after the newness can be pretty wonderful too if given a chance.” Great post!

kimmie

October 22nd, 2013
10:53 am

My addictions are chocolate & fashion.

Celisea

October 22nd, 2013
10:55 am

Kimmie – Is that chocolate candy?

Sassy Me ;-)

October 22nd, 2013
10:56 am

My addictions are shoes and accessories…can’t have enough of either.

kimmie

October 22nd, 2013
10:57 am

An ex of mine used to say all men are sex addicts so that’s not a real “condition”! lol!!