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Dating karma

My friend Carl is convinced all his bad karma is coming back to haunt him now that his daughter is a teenager. He feels that he is about to pay for all those romantic crimes he committed and never apologized. I know many of us can relate to this because we have all done some hurtful things to people in your dating past.

Do you ever think about all those hearts you broke or the people you rejected? Do you think that you made a lasting, negative impact on their lives?

I remember talking to an ex recently and he reminded me of how hurt he was when I ended things and he never truly got over it. Even after he married somebody else and started a family, he has not completely let go. I felt awful and really guilty! I wonder if it is worthwhile to go back and apologize for causing heartache?

Do you think reaching out and trying to make amends is ever a good idea? Do you ever feel bad for some of the things you did?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

153 comments Add your comment

Lee

October 21st, 2013
7:21 am

Carl must of been some kind of SOB that he is fearful that his daughter is going to get his karma. WoW
Not making amends If i let you go you know why and it wasn’t good. Been cursed several times “oh he will be worse than me”, ‘hope the next one beats you” smh So no i will not go apologize for you being a BEEP BEEP.

I never did something that bad to feel bad about.

It mighty cool this AM , hagd everyone

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
8:48 am

I don’t think it makes sense to reach out and apologize. It’s certainly not going to lessen the blow of payback. IMO, doing better and treating people the way you know you should have would seem the best road to take….doing better. However, I do believe you can’t mistreat folks and it’s over with cause you “outgrew” it. It don’t just go away like that…especially when you knew better. We all reap what we sow when we knew to do better and simply chose not to.

I can’t say payback will come by way of a ho-ish man’s daughter, but I believe so…call me a blockhead…lol Most men don’t even come to know the severity of their actions and how they treated women, if ever, until they’re well beyond the game. I believe it happens (to the daughter), because only then can they or will come to know just how their victims felt.

Durty Burd

October 21st, 2013
9:13 am

Goood Mornnning! :)

Carl is probably having control issues with his daughter in regards to dating young boys and because he knows how men act (based on his past) he nows worries about how can he control this situation…You cannot!

For those I did wrong I did apologize for my regretable actions. Therefore, I am free do some some wrong to Celisea…hehehehehe! j/k

SlimNu

October 21st, 2013
9:14 am

Chilly willy this morning, brrrrrrr….

Some folks may take a long awaited apology as you’re reaching out to want to get back with them. Now if you did some really grimy sh !t, then an apology maybe in order but otherwise, just go forward doing better than you USED to do.

Durty Burd

October 21st, 2013
9:15 am

SlimNu have patience I don’t want you to settle for dating a dude who physic is substantially less then what you previous had for 3 yrs. Once the holidays are over we can start dating and you will like this physic… :wink: earmuffintomy export here! hehehehehe!

2CPTG©

October 21st, 2013
9:22 am

morning….

yes, I agree you should apologize (if you’ve done some shady stuff) and make amends, but all that “sins of the father..” stuff, nah….cause karma gon’ bite the culprit, not the offspring.

Hazel

October 21st, 2013
9:33 am

I do belive in Karma but it would not be wise to go back and apologize. I know I hurt a guy’s feelings and I often think about how ugly I was and wish I wasn’t. If I was to go back and apologize, him or his spouse may not appreciate me connecting with them. Safe to keep it moving.

YesSheIsCute

October 21st, 2013
9:35 am

Good morning. I say let bygones be bygones. Forgive yourself and move on. I had an ex reach out to me by adding me on facebook and saying that he had a guilty conscience all these years for the way he treated me and the way things worked out, basically saying he still loved me. Honestly, I could have done without the apology. I told him I was over it and that I’ve moved on from that. Luckily, he’s across the ocean so I don’t have to worry about running into him.

disco

October 21st, 2013
9:41 am

good morning. I don’t necessarily think carl had to have been all that bad to worry about karma. I think it’s more that father’s have a hard time accepting what their daughters are going to be out there doing. lol.

diva – re your ex not getting over you. sounds like game to me. get you feeling some kind of way so he can try to go for one last score. ijs.

SlimNu

October 21st, 2013
9:47 am

Durty – Getting started early this morning I see.

Miss Moni

October 21st, 2013
9:47 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA! :-)

Ok Diva, I’m LOL at your ex who is now married with a family of his own and STILL holding on to his “hurt” that you caused!

Seriously, as a mature adult you have to forgive and move on. Some people are NEVER going to apologize, but you still have to move forward with your life!

Do you think reaching out and trying to make amends is ever a good idea? Depends on your purpose and motive. . . If you just want to clear your mind then just write a letter & burn it OR pray about it. If you’re trying to rekindle something then just LEAVE IT ALONE!!!

Exiled

October 21st, 2013
10:07 am

he reminded me of how hurt he was when I ended things and he never truly got over it. Even after he married somebody else and started a family, he has not completely let go. I felt awfu

@Diva…u felt awaful..and he got the response he wanted because he wanted sum…doont be;live the bull!

Dating Karma….as if breaking up with a girl is a sin or crime!..another bull…

Only God dispenses punishment and ,sorry to dissappoint some…at his Wisdom…

not because some thirsty,angling but spurned girl wishes it :lol:

Howdee MIA!…

..o/t..kinda chilly this morn…remindes uall to ramp up ur winter partner plans because u may fail to land somebody to rub those legs and twirly feet in the cool,cold of winter…..
I am wishing u luck Slim.. :lol:
u too Disco!..

MsAtl

October 21st, 2013
10:10 am

Morning All!

I believe that the karma would be on the dad, not the daughter. However, the young men dating his daughter may have been (half) raised by men just like him. Hence, his worry.
I think that an apology may be in order if you behaved badly recently. After years have passed, what good does it do? It would look like you are trying to get back with the person or you need something from them.

SlimNu

October 21st, 2013
10:11 am

Ex – Thanks but no luck needed. I think i’m taken care of lol

SlimNu

October 21st, 2013
10:15 am

Ex – Oh yeah, you may want to go ahead and get a head start on those gremlins…i mean feet of yours. I’m sure Queen is not looking forward to having your crusty black ashy toe nails scarring up her legs as you try to soak up her heat this winter. ;-) Be sure to ask for sea salt when you go. No need to thank me. :lol:

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
10:19 am

Sometimes I think folks like to make themselves feel better about the dirt they did by saying “only God can do this that or the other.” Well, tis true, I agree. However ain’t nothing gonna be re-written. The good book says whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap….period. What you dished is what’s coming back. THAT IS God dispensing. :) Watchoutnow

MsAtl

October 21st, 2013
10:24 am

Celisea- Simple fix: DON’T DO DIRT! Sounds easy enough to say if you wouldn’t like it done to you, don’t do it to someone else. But, the reality is, of course, that is not the way folks live. In my view, if you don’t want to be with me or if you do want to be with me but you want to have your Kate and Edith too, just go! Don’t unwittingly make me a part of a threesome, just go! Be real about your ish.

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
10:26 am

I can honestly say, in good conscious, outside of the older dude, I didn’t mistreat anybody. No leading folks on, no playing games, etc etc etc. I tried to make amends with him cause I didn’t want stuff coming back to haunt me. That experience was haunting enough…lol Whew buddy.

And I’m also glad I didn’t allow folks to treat or mistreat me. Wasn’t gonna be no waiting for stuff to get them back for if I felt I was wronged. I was doing the payback…lololol Glad I learned better in that regard as well.

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
10:26 am

MsAtl – Kate and Edith?? LOL Never heard it phrased that way….funny

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
10:27 am

mistreat or misuse…I meant

Exiled

October 21st, 2013
10:29 am

Cel…when womeg get the pipe and they luv it…but the guy withdraws becauuse he doont like it no mo..All women cry…they want more…

and they will say,he did me derty!

How can it be derty if it was consensual?…u want Karma…God’s power to come down heavy on dude?

Now thats wishful thinking…

Exiled

October 21st, 2013
10:31 am

I think i’m taken care of lol

@Slim…thank u for the breaking News! :lol:

Single & Happy

October 21st, 2013
10:32 am

Hello All

Don’t believe in karma or luck, life is what it is, the good and the bad. e As far as divas ex, sounds like he needs to get over and move on with his life. If I didn’t apologize when I did I sure aint going back to apologize years later cause they haven’t gotten over it. And I’m not looking for an apology from anyone, life goes on!

MsAtl

October 21st, 2013
10:34 am

Celisea- I’ve never understood the whole cake and eat it thing. What’s the point of getting cake if you can’t eat it? I would be mad as heck if you gave me a slice of chocolate cake and said don’t touch it, lol.

Exiled- What are you talking about? I guess I need more coffee this morning.

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
10:35 am

Exiled, folks know when they’ve wronged someone. You can get into semantics and split hairs and stuff and take it to technicalities, but the intents behind the actions is where payback comes into play. You can tell a woman (or man for that matter) all you want, but if you set out to do the bait and switch, game a person, blah blah blah, the good thing about payback, it’s still coming for you. It ain’t listening to your mouth, it’s measuring the intents behind the deed done.

Miss Moni

October 21st, 2013
10:36 am

“I would be mad as heck if you gave me a slice of chocolate cake and said don’t touch it, lol.”

-MsAtl Ditto!!! :-)

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
10:36 am

MsAtl – Folks that play games falls back on dissecting having cake and eating it too….just like gaming, folks already know what’s meant.

Exiled

October 21st, 2013
10:36 am

Exiled- What are you talking about?

@MsAtl… :lol: …..were u taken last nite,..u slept good?

MsAtl

October 21st, 2013
10:40 am

Exiled- “were u taken last nite,..u slept good?” Not sure where you’re going with this, but I am tired because I went to an event yesterday and got in last night, so I went to bed late. Tail isn’t the only thing that leave you tired. -_-

Leggs

October 21st, 2013
10:41 am

“…Carl is convinced all his bad karma is coming back to haunt him now that his daughter is a teenager.” – How is that even possible? What Carl is remembering is how he played with women and hope no young punk plays with his daughter. It’s his guilt, has nothing to do with his daughter. Because of it, perhaps he can hip her to “game” when it comes her way or he can sniff out wolf in sheep clothing right out the gate.

Do you ever think about all those hearts you broke or the people you rejected? – I do. Every time I see a J.B. Hunt truck I think of the only person I’ve ever used. He was a sweet man, too goody goody for me, but he treated me nice and I liked him a little. We dated shy of 8 months before I came to my senses. He needed a straight laced woman at that time, and my walk was somewhat crooked.

Do you think that you made a lasting, negative impact on their lives? – I know I hurt him, but not sure of any lasting, negative impact. We all get up and brush ourselves off.

Good morning!

Leggs

October 21st, 2013
10:55 am

MsAtl ~ I was talking to a friend over the weekend saying “you want your cake and eat it too” was one of the dumbest phrases known to mankind. What am I supposed to do with my cake, stare at it???

Leggs

October 21st, 2013
10:56 am

disco ~ I have my party dress on and balloons in my hand…let’s get this party started!!!!

daddy swiss

October 21st, 2013
10:56 am

There’s no such thing as karma. It’s just a function of the human propensity to assign meaning to otherwise completely arbitrary events. Sometimes people do bad things and then have bad things happen to them. Sometimes people do bad things and live it up until the day they die. Sometimes people who’ve never hurt a fly have all kinds of bad things befall them. It happens. If Carl’s daughter is mistreated by some dude(s), it is only because she encountered bad dudes. It has nothing to do with anything Carl did or didn’t do in his dating life. It could have something to do with an inability to model for his daughter what a good dude looks like, but we don’t know Carl, so who knows if he should be concerned?

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
11:01 am

O/T: I’m looking at a video of a dude turning the crank on a machine. He does it for about eight hours a day. Mayne that’s gotta be tiring…being the only one left to keep that big ole machine going. I imagine he needs a rub down or some sort of physical therapy.

disco

October 21st, 2013
11:04 am

slim – that description of ex’s feet was nothing nice. ewww. lol.

atl – ditto on the cake. heck yeah I want to eat my cake. i won’t front either. don’t leave your cake unattended around me. lol.

leggs – party dress? where’s the party?

leggs – did you finish the book? lol.

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
11:06 am

I’m soooooo sleepy today. I’ve been up since about 4 a.m.

disco

October 21st, 2013
11:07 am

swiss – all the good dude modeling in the world won’t help if carl’s daughter just has a hankering for the bad boys. lol.

kimmie

October 21st, 2013
11:10 am

Morning All!!

I like your post Swiss. While I do believe what generally goes around comes around, Carl and his past shenanigans have nothing to do with his daughter’s future. What matters is the example he is or isn’t setting for her now and what he is teaching her. Maybe he’s thinking back to the stuff he did and how it would break his heart if anyone did his daughter the same way. Try as he may, he can’t shield his daughter from the world.

As for apologizing, if you didn’t do it back when the transgressions happened, best to keep it stepping. I would not open old wounds that the other person no doubt has moved on from.

Diva, I agree with some of the others. Dude is trying to get one last hurrah on the side. Don’t fall for the okey doke.

MsAtl

October 21st, 2013
11:10 am

Leggs- I know. Who came up with that?

Disco- ” i won’t front either. don’t leave your cake unattended around me. lol.” Well damn, lol. Thanks for the warning.

kimmie

October 21st, 2013
11:13 am

all the good dude modeling in the world won’t help if carl’s daughter just has a hankering for the bad boys. lol.

Hey Disco!! I totally agree!!

disco

October 21st, 2013
11:16 am

atl – I really like cake. lol. you should see the dent I put in a lemon pound cake this weekend. it ain’t nothing nice. lol. speaking of cake, some folks and I were discussing the best thing we ate on a cruise. my pick hands down was some coconut cake I had on a royal caribbean cruise once. it was all that.

daddy swiss

October 21st, 2013
11:17 am

disco — True. But I’d say her chances are better with a positive example from her father than without. Plus, that’s pretty much all he can do.

Leggs

October 21st, 2013
11:20 am

“party dress? where’s the party?

did you finish the book? lol.”

How quickly we forget. You said you will throw me a party when I finish the book.

disco

October 21st, 2013
11:22 am

leggs – lol. hey, the dress threw me off. the kind of parties I throw don’t require party dresses. lol. anyway, glad you FINALLY finished. shoot if I took that long to finish a book I’d be done forgot what I was reading.

SlimNu

October 21st, 2013
11:30 am

Leggs – What book did you just finish up? I’m on an ‘off’ period with books right now. Get’s like that sometimes

Celisea

October 21st, 2013
11:34 am

In all seriousness, I don’t think the wheels are set in motion in aiming for our kids, for our sins committed, however I do believe a person come to terms when their own actions when they see “life” and growing pains awakening with their kids. Me personally? I came to terms a long time ago, before teenage years that my kid might not prescribe to my walk. I’m good with that because it’s her life and hers to make whatever choices she makes, and those choices to live or deal with…..if they’re bad decisions. It’s my job to teach and steer and be the best example I can be. But I don’t feel no kinda way about her growing pains, cause again, I haven’t spent my life abusing and mistreating folks.

Now for all those daddies that were/is hoes, I still believe and stand on, you’ll come to see how those wounded women felt once your daughter have some dude to shatter her heart in a gazillion pieces. Label it how you want, at that point though if you haven’t gotten it, you’ll “get” it then.

disco

October 21st, 2013
11:35 am

slim – she just finished wench. she’s been reading it for 2 years, 4 months 3 weeks and 1 day.

SlimNu

October 21st, 2013
11:40 am

disco – Awww dayum! lol

Anybody seen “12 Years a Slave?

Miss Moni

October 21st, 2013
11:43 am

-Slim Haven’t seen it yet, but it is on my must watch movie list, right behind Best Man Holiday!!! ;-)

Leggs

October 21st, 2013
11:44 am

I always wear dresses to parties. Anyway, like I told 2C last week these slaves mingled with their massas a lot differently but at that dinner they remembered they were still slaves and at the whim of whatever their massas say. I knew Lizzie would lose her status (somewhat special as head wench). I still marvel at their interaction, the wife’s tolerance (not that she had a say in anything much), all that transpired on that plantation. All the characters were interesting and a lot of lessons in that book are still learned today, especially the last thing Lizzie wanted to tell her daughter. “Learn a craft so you’ll have something to barter other than your body!” How she went from head wench, fancy dresses (fancy to a slave) and vacationing with her massa as both slave and mistress to being chained to hindpost lapping up water from a dirty bowl trying to maintain a shred of dignity is the strenght of any slave. Quite a compelling story.