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Dating: Body type preferences?

Whenever people try to set my friend Mark up on a blind date, he always makes sure to ask about her body type. His preferences are specific and he already thinks that anyone who does not fit that won’t be attractive to him. He believes that being honest about what you find most attractive is not shallow, it is realistic.

It just always bugged me that Mark would literally rule a really lovely person out without one conversation or opportunity to check for chemistry. Do you think that having a body type preference such as height or weight another excuse that singles use not to give someone a chance?

This is just as prevalent in online dating when you select what you want to “filter” out in terms of what you are looking for in a date. Is that actually the smart way to go?

Have you ever noticed that you are attracted to people with a certain body type? Have you really dated based on that specific kind of person? What happens when we leave our “type” and try to leave our comfort zone a little?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

222 comments Add your comment

Lee

October 17th, 2013
7:20 am

I dated all kinds of body types. Not so much looking for the outside as i am the inside .

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
7:56 am

Diva, I with you today….I think it’s shallow. Don’t get me wrong, people like what they like and to some degree, nothing is wrong with that. But when you block out (no doubt) sooo many good potentials cause you looking for a specific certain shape, I think that’s crosses over into being vain and just plain silly, especially when you’re growing up and learn that there’s sooo much more to people than a shape. Tell Mark to keep living, there’s a bunch of stuff “life” itself will have him rethinking…lol Yeah, go for that chick that’s rotten or lazy or trifling (cheater)….she fine though…lololol

I’ve been fortunante in dating dudes that not only have been pretty decent as it relates to principles and class and just overall good dudes, I’ve also been fortunante that most were pretty good looking…IJS I like a “fit”, nice looking (I’on do pretty) dude, over and above and nope, I won’t do big bellied dudes, but I wouldn’t be so simple that I’ll just block folks cause I can’t see the specific shape I prefer. I mean, sit across the table, have a convo, see what it’s all about, before you toss someone that’s probably beautiful on the inside, gon love you to their core, gon give you babies, gon bath you when you’re sick, gon fix you warm meals, gon give you that warm loving home.

I’m not knocking folks liking what they like, cause I’m one that likes what I like, but Mark c’mon, this entire scenario seems a bit extreme.

I think women are more flexible on this subject though, anyway. We want good dudes, not someone so dang pretty he’s blocking you from getting in the mirror, or beating chicks off his ankles, or too pretty to hustle and take care of home…. Naw, got no time fa dat!!

Single & Happy

October 17th, 2013
8:09 am

Hello All

We all have types in the people we like. If you’re not attracted to them then that’s just part of life, everyone is not for everyBODY!

This is just as prevalent in online dating when you select what you want to “filter” out in terms of what you are looking for in a date. Is that actually the smart way to go? yes, if you wouldn’t be attracted to them if you meet them in any other setting why should you take a chance just because it’s online.

And just because a person has a body type doesn’t mean that they’ll put up with a whole bunch of $hyt to keep that type around.

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
8:19 am

I’m not saying “phione” folks are shotty, I’m saying Mark is the extreme and no doubt will end up with a chick rotten to the core cause his “weeding” process is based solely on body type…and that’s all. Diva mentioned nothing about brains, or compassion, or zest for life ALONG with being fine… How does he know what would be attractive if he don’t step out of his box??

But, folks like what they like, no crime there

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
8:20 am

Gotta get out of here and get to work…..

BBL :)

Exiled

October 17th, 2013
8:26 am

Celisea…u contradicting yourself…u don’t like big bellies but in the same vein saying Mark is wrong for liking what he likes..like yourself.

I don’t like Big,two bellied ummm either. Like them tallish,medium(don’t like skinny) and chocolate to dark(not light skinned,he’ll naw!!)

It is what is

Mark has standards and so do I and Celisea(for that matter!) :lol:
(and people with their standards don’t owe nobody an explanation)
Good morning MIA

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
8:27 am

MMeello, my dear you’re right. I like what I like, and frankly I’m guud. I’m not vain or extreme though….I don’t think

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
8:30 am

I think Mark is extreme. I’m just saying meet the person. MMeello, say you like nothing but a 24 inch waist. Well what if you sit down with someone, she’s what 27 or 28 or 29 or 30 even, in the waiste, but you talk and munch a bit, find the convo enlightening….. Or you make a date and things go over well. What? Okay, that’s all I’m saying :)

YesSheIsCute

October 17th, 2013
8:33 am

I don’t think it’s shallow. Attraction plays a big role in two people getting together for various reasons (dating, sex, etc). You like what you like and can’t help it…and shouldn’t apologize for it. Now if you discount someone because they are half an inch too short/too tall or 3lbs over/under a weight range then that’s just going too far and is quite shallow.

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
8:37 am

Good Thursday Morning MIA! *It’s Friday Eve* :-D

Have you ever noticed that you are attracted to people with a certain body type? Yep, I sure am totally attracted to the basketball player build!!!

What happens when we leave our “type” and try to leave our comfort zone a little? Hmmm, I got uninterested or disappointed.

I believe that it’s totally OK to like what you like! Hey, not everyone eats beets, so why should I go outside of my comfort zone and try beets when I already find them disgusting no matter how you fix them up. Same concept with me dating overweight guys, I’m simply NOT interested.

As Celisea stated, there’s no crime in liking what you like.

SlimNu

October 17th, 2013
8:48 am

Good morning…I’ve dated all different types. ;-)

Button

October 17th, 2013
8:48 am

Question: is Mark fine? is his body tight? is he tall? What I’ve seen is that the people that require a certian body type doesn’t possess that certian body type themselves.

Do you think that having a body type preference such as height or weight another excuse that singles use not to give someone a chance? This is my bff right here, she rules guys out bc they are too short. She’s 5′3 but will rule a guy out if he’s under 6 feet tall. I tell her all the time , the rate she’s going she’s going to be single forever, since the average height of a man is around 5′8. She also want him to have a six pack but she’s far from it herself. All the physical requirements she want in a man she’s not even close to having it herself.

What happens when we leave our “type” and try to leave our comfort zone a little? that’s when you’ll end up meeting someone and falling in love with them, someone you never thought you’d be with.

My body type is healthy, in shape, not big on height but a healthy weight is a plus. I don’t really care for the big gut It doesn’t have to be a six pack but no spare tire. Hair was always optional well except for the comb over and I’ll twinge at the balding guy. My guy is my type, except I never liked the bald faced guys, I hope just for one day he would surprise me and let his facial hair grow out and sport a goatee.

Good morning!

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
8:57 am

-Button So you’re anti comb over, LOL!!!

Exiled

October 17th, 2013
9:04 am

Celisea..u never want to have a lump on ur throat even if she has a nice personality..because that lump will give u the ‘excuse’ when things start to sour.

…and frankly,us dudes can be ugly,short,even be unemployed but still insist on a phoine chic.. :lol:

Button

October 17th, 2013
9:10 am

Miss Moni – I can’t do the comb over tsk tsk tsk LOL

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 17th, 2013
9:11 am

We all have “types” (body, personality, etc).

Where most of the problems occur is being so drawn physically, emotionally, or by this person’s personality that we overlook other shortcomings.

Yes, I’m physically attracted to her, but her attitude is stank… but I’ll overlook it because she’s hot.

The conversation is mentally stimulating, but she’s not my physical type.

I’m for stepping out of the box we create for ourselves to try and experience different things. Even slight adjustments to a “type” brings about an experience with a person that could affect your life positively.

And except for the 3 or so years that I was practicing eugenics with other 6 footers, I’ve dated all shapes, sizes, ethinicities, religious preferences, etc.

Good morning.

Durty Burd

October 17th, 2013
9:14 am

Good Morning!

Exiled you beat me to it, I was going to stop working to go in on Celisea contradition…

I have dated ladies who were taller than me and ladies who were a whole lot shorter me. If I find you fascinating even though you might not be the physical fit that I like we could still date. I am open to dating different types of woman.

O.K. who wants to go out this week? j/k

MissMoni…86 percent of the men in this world is less than 6ft tall so I guess the odds of you sharing just went up…j/k

YesSheIsCute

October 17th, 2013
9:16 am

Button. Good point!

Durty Burd

October 17th, 2013
9:19 am

I do not have a problem with Mark looks request…If depending on where I am mentally about dating if I want to get serious or just date, I would request specifics as well!

Weedem out mannnnnn!

Button that is the mentality of the folks of today, they want to date/married folks that have something they do not have. My new mantra is relationship mismatches does not last nor work.

You out of shape but you want someone in shape..I see it at the gym everday the person who is working out is starting to look at those folks who are working out too…

disco

October 17th, 2013
9:28 am

good morning. shallow or not, it is what it is. I am one that definitely has a preference for a certain body type. I also have certain body types that no amount of persuasion will get me try. I don’t care how nice they are or how good they are on paper.

C – I’m all for stepping out of the box but I understand how body type can be a big box to get out of. lol. there’s just too many of them out there. you might vary a degree or two or three but some folks are a whole 180. I’m with old boy and I ain’t gone be able to do it.

disco

October 17th, 2013
9:34 am

miss moni – basketball player build? you mean like spud webb? j/k.

re not being what you want. that’s not my stance. I’ve always stood by my math reference though of greater than or equal to. no shorts. I bring it, you bring it. lol. and just because I’m short doesn’t mean I can tolerate the short man. the 5’4” dude needs to keep stepping. I’m also not for the thin/frail dude. I cannot/will not weigh more than my man. the little 150 lb dude needs to keep stepping.

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
9:37 am

MMeello – Agreed 9:04

disco – I hear ya. I think everyone should go with what they like. No way I’m saying that. However, being that we’re all flawed somewhere, I think it’s okay to see what’s under the hood (not like that!!). See what the person is working with. I mean if what you desire is not there, so much so that you can’t do it (cause I’ve had those too), then don’t. My only point (and stance) is no varying at all, of any sort. I prefer tall, but 5′9″ ish is okay. Something along those lines. I’m not saying do ratchet, “cause she fine.”

Leggs

October 17th, 2013
9:39 am

“Do you think that having a body type preference such as height or weight another excuse that singles use not to give someone a chance?” – Yes, I do. We seem to sabatoge ourselves looking for “the right” person. If you can’t even check for chemistry, then you may have a problem lasting forever! We certainly have our preferences, but to shift so slightly away from some of them may not be deterimental. In fact, one might be pleasantly surprised. I love nice biceps, but men in my dating age usually have flabby arms. I “might” have to give up on that body preference (rofl). It’s not the end of all things.

Give yourself some wiggle room. Could be why Mark is still looking. He’s stuck!

Good morning.

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
9:43 am

-Durty I’ve been known to defy the odds! ;-)

-Disco LOL at the Spud Webb comment. There are some women who actually prefer short men, I’m just not one of them. :-)

disco

October 17th, 2013
9:48 am

leggs – did you finish the book? lol.

moni – there are some women who actually prefer short men (in the other sense of the word). I’m not one of them either. lol.

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
9:49 am

-Leggs Hey!!! Ok, I don’t date guys who smoke anything. Why, I have asthma. I’m not going to enjoy a date with a guy who smells like a smoke stack or who insists on smoking during the drive to the movies. So yeah, I’m weeding him out if he smokes unless he is in the process of getting some help to stop.

Another example, if you live at home with your mama and/or are not currently legally employed then I’m going to keep it moving. I’m not interested in a project and therefore I’m not even going that route. Some stuff people can nip in the bud from Day 1. Other people like to tag along for the additional drama. Live and LEARN.

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
9:50 am

Nice post, Leggs. Well said

Y’all men are funny and NEVER off the job…..

I had a dude to come by yesterday and replace a part on my furnace. Well he had another dude with him that was handing him the tools he needed. I left work early (while y’all was blogging), came home, put on sweats and a tshirtl. He chatted a bit while he worked. He joked that he didn’t smell any food cooking, (sort of poked around) and asked “so what are you gonna fix your boyfriend”, asked where were my kids, complimented my floors (when he first walked in), brazenly said, “I’m 41, how old are you”, so forth and so on, but poking around. The other dude seemed younger and REALLY jumped into the “dating” convo. He wanted my take on what I thought about this , that and the other, would I date outside my race, what’s up with women wanting you to buy drinks for them and their friends…yada yada yada. Anyhoo, they both seemed cool but I ain’t gon lie, I was shoooole hoping neither asked for anything further. lololol Why? Cause I’m booed for one, and cause neither would have been my type, if I were open or looking for someone. One was just outright co cky and the other was seem much more laid back, but had beedy bee facial hair and dreads…lolol Funny thing, when the brash dude walks out, he turns and says, “and paint your toes a bright color…that’s what I like.” The other yelled back from the truck, “what color are they”, he yells “just plain mayne…….MEN DON’T EVER NOT LOOK/SLEEP.

To my favorite blogger, don’t come on here talkin’ bout I think every man wants me…I’m making a point…k?

Button

October 17th, 2013
9:52 am

Miss Moni/disco – what is short to you?

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
9:52 am

-Disco I gotcha & totally understand.

Another example: I don’t care how FINE a man is, if he is a self proclaimed THUG, then once again I’m NOT interested. I don’t find anything attractive about a 30-40something year old thug. Like seriously, get yo life! However there are some women who ONLY want a thug, SMH. . .

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
9:54 am

-Button My height or shorter and I’m 5′4. My preference is at least 5′7 or taller, so when I wear heels I won’t be towering over the guy. :-)

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
9:54 am

The truck was in the drive way and we were on the porch. The dude in the truck was within earshot of the convo….

I know how some folks can be….IJS

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
9:55 am

I like corporate thugs…..I ain’t gon lie :) Now when I say corporate thug, you can’t be commiting crimes and stuff….

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
9:56 am

“beedy bee facial hair and dreads”

-Celisea So far, that’s my laugh for the morning, LOL!!!

SlimNu

October 17th, 2013
9:58 am

When you come from dating a person with a super nice body, it really is a shock when the next person’s isn’t….so nice. :shock: lol

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
9:58 am

-Celisea Please give me some more details about what a corporate thug is.

Button

October 17th, 2013
10:01 am

Miss Moni – ok, most consider 5′7 short, heck anything under 5′9 as short.

YesSheIsCute

October 17th, 2013
10:03 am

@DB relationship mismatches do not work. When one person is in the gym, trying to get back into shape, doing vegetarian fasts, watching what they eat and then the other person is just bringing home checkers’ and church’s and having wanton disregard for what the other person is trying to do. It doesn’t work.

Button

October 17th, 2013
10:05 am

Celisea – corporate thug would that mean he’s sporting a hard rock body with tattoos on his neck in chinese and two tear drops under his left eye with a red bandana trowing up crips hand sign?

Button

October 17th, 2013
10:07 am

Celisea – all the while wearing a nice suit and tie with pants kinda sagging?

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
10:07 am

-Button I suppose it depends on how tall the woman is. If I was 5′8 then yes 5′9 would definitely be short to me.

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
10:08 am

MissMoni – Underneath all that hair, I can bet he was a nice looking brother. He seemed pretty cool though, just from the short convo. Almost soft spoken.

MissMoni – I dunno, I just know I dated one. First off, does everything legally….lol I think there’s a range of things….I guess Dresses professionally and can hang in a professional environment, but is in touch with his folks, the hood, not too goodie-too-shoed. Can cop a squat with the best of them, “gets it”, understand the plight of someone tryna make it, tryna come up. Don’t look down on them, but don’t apologize for doing the dang thing. Can get his hustle on if the corporate world fails him…… Chile, I don’t know….lol

Disclaimer: I’M NOT DATING THUGS. I’M NOT LOOKING FOR THUGS. I’M ONLY FUNNING….a bit

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
10:08 am

Button – Nuh uh and nuh uh

disco

October 17th, 2013
10:09 am

moni – I’m with you. I’ve been judged for not giving guys a chance because they lived with someone. I’m not down with you living with your momma or any other relative, having a roommate, none of that. I am willing to accept that there is a difference between living with your momma and your momma living with you. if it’s your momma’s house and she’s still getting around, working and doing stuff – your momma does not live with you. lol. I met a guy recently who revealed around phone call 3 that he lived in an apartment with a roommate. that was the last time we spoke. ijs.

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
10:10 am

Button – You got jokes, I see

Celisea

October 17th, 2013
10:11 am

just bringing home checkers’ and church’s

Not Church’s Chicken…..lolololol

Hazel

October 17th, 2013
10:15 am

no one mentioned ethnicity? or I missed it. I’ve always been attracted to black men. Likes of Boris, Vin Diesel. Physically in shape, good looking, light skin and all. My husband looks a lot like Vin Diesel. He sometimes does get on me about that and calls me superficial. But I couldn’t help what I liked.

Button

October 17th, 2013
10:15 am

Celisea – just j/k with ya. I’m curious what is a corporate thug? I’ve heard that term before but never really know what it means.

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
10:16 am

Morning All!

It just always bugged me that Mark would literally rule a really lovely person out without one conversation or opportunity to check for chemistry. Do you think that having a body type preference such as height or weight another excuse that singles use not to give someone a chance?

On topic – Lovely to YOU Wise Diva. Singles don’t need an “excuse” to not give someone a chance. That’s the beautiful thing about being grown and free. You can do exactly what you want. That was the thing that really bugged me when I was single and getting older. Folks thought I should abandon the notion of actually being attracted to a man and just take whatever came my way because I was not 22 anymore.

Stepping out of ones comfort zone and trying something different is a very personal thing. You have to come to that conclusion on your own. Otherwise you make yourself and the other person you’re trying to force yourself to be with, miserable. It needs to happen naturally. Mark might decide to broaden his horizons and try a different type of lady, OR he might meet someone that’s got 80% of what he wants and can work with the other 20% because he fell in love OR he just might meet someone that is exactly what he’s looking for! It’s his life!

Folks need to stop worrying about who is bypassing who or who is being bypassed.

MsAtl

October 17th, 2013
10:16 am

Morning All!

There are certain types of people you are attracted to but it is possible to go too far. If you have very specific height/weight/color/hair, etc. requirements, then yes, you seem shallow to me. While there needs to be some sort of chemistry, if all I wanted was something nice to look at, I would buy art. I need more than that- conversation, personality, decency, etc.

Button- You are so wrong for your corporate thug description, lol. However, I have seen a man with his suit pants sagging Not a good look!

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
10:17 am

Thanks Celisea for breaking that down, LOL! I do get what you’re saying.