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Dating: Body type preferences?

Whenever people try to set my friend Mark up on a blind date, he always makes sure to ask about her body type. His preferences are specific and he already thinks that anyone who does not fit that won’t be attractive to him. He believes that being honest about what you find most attractive is not shallow, it is realistic.

It just always bugged me that Mark would literally rule a really lovely person out without one conversation or opportunity to check for chemistry. Do you think that having a body type preference such as height or weight another excuse that singles use not to give someone a chance?

This is just as prevalent in online dating when you select what you want to “filter” out in terms of what you are looking for in a date. Is that actually the smart way to go?

Have you ever noticed that you are attracted to people with a certain body type? Have you really dated based on that specific kind of person? What happens when we leave our “type” and try to leave our comfort zone a little?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

222 comments Add your comment

disco

October 17th, 2013
11:44 am

moni – I do always say I like Michael ealy. I couldn’t date him but I do give him props.

moni – did you see the movie 15 minutes with robert deniro? two guys came to America from somewhere and called themselves filmmakers. they running around new york with a camcorder videotaping themselves killing people. yep. that thought right there (along with his wedding ring – lol) was enough to keep me from volunteering my services.

shemar moore is easy on the eye but he doesn’t do it for me either.

Willie Dynamite

October 17th, 2013
11:44 am

Afternoon all,
Topic- I never had a pacific (j/k j/k) body type per se. I like and appreciate all the different shapes, sizes, etc etc about Women. I am and always will be attracted to brains. The only deal breaker off the top is a dumb chick. I love to converse so if I can’t be mentally stimulated then I’ll get the heyal on.

Button

October 17th, 2013
11:44 am

Most of my gfs are black and with all the problems they’ve had dating I’ve suggested they give dating outside their race a try, the first thing all of them said was NO I WILL NOT DATE A WHITE MAN!!! lol only thing, I wasn’t even eluding to a white man but other nonblack men.

disco

October 17th, 2013
11:49 am

button – well the thing is (and I don’t speak for all black women of course) we know black men are all that. to feel like we have no options other than to date outside the race almost feels like being forced to settle. it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
11:50 am

Leggs – Did you listen to the Bert Show this morning? They were talking about this woman that posted this picture of herself in workout attire along with her 3 boys ages 3, 2 and 8 months. Her body looks amazing and the caption on the picture says “What’s your excuse?”

Now supposedly she’s getting all this backlash, saying she’s insensitive and a bully and a fat-basher, all kinds of stuff. Kristen on the show was whining and talking about how it was sooo mean and condescending and how now some men are going to expect their wives to look perfect like that after they have 3 babies, yada yada. Bert said he didn’t see what the big deal was and he found it inspiring.

I don’t see the issue either. What do you think?

SlimNu

October 17th, 2013
11:52 am

kimmie – Sounds like a bunch of whinning and excuses. Those that are complaining are just secretly jealous that they do not have that kind of dedication. Since when did being proud of something you’ve accomplished turn into a platform of bullying or fat bashing???!! Folks need to get over themselves, like really and like RHET NOW.

disco

October 17th, 2013
11:53 am

kimmie – well I’ll tell you what I think. sensitive azz people need to get some business. fat people generally know they are fat and yet have the nerve to be upset if someone says so. respect the truth or change the truth. and chicks whining about baby fat need to understand there’s a window on claiming baby fat. how you talking about you carrying pregnancy weight when the baby is 12???

Button

October 17th, 2013
11:54 am

disco – well when you hear “there’s no good black men out here” then the reply is well try nonblack men lol

Kimmie – I read about that article yesterday. The mom is in good shape however, she admitted to be a recovering bulimic so to me she was always skinny/underweight.

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
11:56 am

how you talking about you carrying pregnancy weight when the baby is 12??? :lol: :lol:

Slim/Disco – I agree!!! Good God, folks are getting more wussified by the day!!

disco

October 17th, 2013
11:56 am

I was in the doctor’s office one day and there were two pregnant chicks there. pregnant chick number 1 was super cute. she was teeny, tiny with just a belly. pregnant chick number two was great big all over. she was wearing a big muu muu gown (lol). her ankles, wrists, face were on swole. she was huge. I hated that she had to look across the room at the little skinny pregnant chick. life just isn’t fair. lol.

disco

October 17th, 2013
11:58 am

button – I get it. I do. like I said, though, it’s almost like a slap in the face to have to. it also feels like giving up. generally speaking, in this sense, black women are extremely loyal. a lot of black women I know who dated/married out of the race admit that it was essentially a last resort.

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
11:59 am

Button – Folks just need to quite being so sensitive and expecting people to tip-toe around them and their wittle feelings! Make the best of what you got and if you don’t like it, do something about it, but don’t make everyone else around you miserable!

Button

October 17th, 2013
11:59 am

disco – pregnant chick #2 could have been battling edmna which is a serious condition.

Button

October 17th, 2013
12:00 pm

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
12:00 pm

Disco – It sure would have been a last resort for me had I gone there.

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
12:01 pm

-Disco I didn’t see that movie, but from what you described I can easily understand your rationale.

-Leggs Shemar Moore doesn’t do it for me either.

“respect the truth or change the truth.”

That statement right there should be a billboard!!!

Button

October 17th, 2013
12:02 pm

Kimmie- some folks will always take it there. She had more positive comments than negative btw. Media will always focus on the negative to get a reaction/promote the story.

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
12:02 pm

-Disco Muu Muu Gown, is that the same as the 1 piece housedress that grandma’s wear?

disco

October 17th, 2013
12:04 pm

button – even so. I’m sure she felt some kind of way looking at little skinny pregnant chick. it’s amazing how some folks are belly only and some folks are all over fat. they often are the ones that have little light weight babies too. go figure.

disco

October 17th, 2013
12:05 pm

moni – I guess. I don’t know what she had on. looked like she was wrapped in a tablecloth or something. lol.

MsAtl

October 17th, 2013
12:08 pm

Kimmie- I saw the poster. I think she looks good, but people have different body types and not everyone can look like her. Some women will always carry a little extra and some women can snap right back. My niece has 5 kids and is small. I was small after the first two and the third threw me into a whole different bracket, lol. I just try to be healthy.
I will never be back to my original weight; at my age 8 pounds 6 oz is sooo unrealistic!

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
12:08 pm

MsAtl

October 17th, 2013
12:12 pm

Btw- I think if her poster was meant to encourage women, she could have approached it from a different angle. It could have been said better, more uplifting.

Leggs

October 17th, 2013
12:15 pm

kimmie ~ I heard a little of it this morning, but saw the segment on GMA. I don’t get the backlash either. Any man who expects his wife to look like that after having 3 babies hopefully had a wife that started out with a banging body like hers. Even if she didn’t, no one should expect their wife to look like another. It’s like men telling us women there’s no prince charming coming for us on a white horse. Stop looking at women you don’t even know and expect miracles to happen in your home. She worked hard at getting her figure back and she did it with 3 young boys. If you were doing the same you wouldn’t be hating on her. Control your weight and stop complaining because others are doing just what you crave to do but are too lazy to do it.

BUNK THAT!

Leggs

October 17th, 2013
12:21 pm

“… It could have been said better, more uplifting.”

MsAtl ~ I looked at her saying it the way she did as trying to honestly motivate people. However, It took an ugly turn. I didn’t think she was flaunting anything just showing that you make your own excuses and you really don’t have to. Just come out and say I’d rather be fat and unhealthy than work out.

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
12:21 pm

Button – Yeah, they were definitely playing up the negative.

MsAtl – That folks have differenty body types is something alot of people just don’t get, for whatever reason. I don’t care how much weight I lose, there will be a point where I look sick, not healthy and fit. And see, I’m a Biggest Loser and a Jillian Michaels fan, so I took her “what’s your excuse?” caption in that kinda “drill sergeant, get up off the couch and man up” way.

Leggs

October 17th, 2013
12:26 pm

Exactly my stance, kimmie, drill sergeant, get up and get moving…NOW!

disco

October 17th, 2013
12:26 pm

leggs – yeah. what you said. lol.

I’m all for uplifting and all that still, folks act like someone owes them some uplifting. if the words you hear aren’t uplifting enough for you, listen to someone else. if the images you see aren’t uplifting enough, look at something else. I fall back on kimmie’s original statement about a bunch of wusses.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 17th, 2013
12:33 pm

@Kimmie

I had this discussion (about the ladies with the kids) with more than a few friends.

The lines were drawn thusly:

Everyone respected her grind (to be in that shape). While some thought is was “focus”…

Others, myself included, called shenanigans.

As anyone with young kids will tell you, they are a handful – little boys especially. They (all kids) get into stuff out of curiosity and need constand supervision from the moment they can move on their own. With three kids – boys at that – under three, there is.no.way. she gets the workout in necessary without help. Be it a nanny, a grandmother, a nieghbor, a relative, or somebody, she has help. Notice I didn’t say husband, because if she’s in the gym at all he’s got to be working.

Fact is, her post was misleading, dishonest, and done with malicious intent.

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
12:34 pm

Leggs – People really do make all kinds of excuses when really 90% of the time it’s about choices and where you put your priorities. For example, a celebrity will have lost alot of weight and come out looking great and everyone is praising them. Then you will read on the blog folks complaining about how they would look good too if only they had the money to hire a personal trainer and nutritionist and cook and be able to buy organic food and etc. That may be true, but what are you doing about it in the meantime? Did anyone put a gun to your head and make you buy that Popeyes 4 piece 3 times a week and supersize your meal at McDonalds when you could have spent that same money on produce they have on sale at Publix or the 10 for 10 veggies they have at Kroger and prepared some healthy meals at home? Did you throw on your sneaks you’ve barely worn out the house and go for a walk down the street after dinner?

SlimNu

October 17th, 2013
12:34 pm

Speaking of bulemia, did any of you all see the preview for the next Preachers of LA episode where that lady was obviously severely underweight?? OMG!

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
12:37 pm

misleading, dishonest, and done with malicious intent.

:shock:

If that’s the way you take it Dan. I agree, I’m sure she’s had help. But dang.

YesSheIsCute

October 17th, 2013
12:39 pm

@Leggs I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. I was thinking the other day that for some reason it just seems like she belongs here. Like she’s always been here. I remember the day I picked her up from the airport. Since I work for an airline I went past security with a sign a made and some cookies and waited at the gate for her. It was like she was straight out the womb just so unknowing of what’s going on etc. Her english was so broken. Now she’s all “I told that girl at school mom…I was like”

…. and her friends have cars. It’s like she doesn’t need me anymore :(

more relevant to the topic, I just started dating black guys when I got to the states in 2004. So I’m definitely open to dating interracially.

Miss Moni

October 17th, 2013
12:53 pm

-Slim I don’t have the Oxygen channel so I’m unable to watch Preachers of LA. However from the feedback that I’ve been hearing about the show, not sure if I would be a faithful viewer anyway.

Button

October 17th, 2013
12:55 pm

Kimmie – not popeyes 4 piece 4 times a week! lol

Leggs

October 17th, 2013
12:56 pm

Fact is, her post was misleading, dishonest, and done with malicious intent.

How do you know that’s “fact” Dan? I didn’t read the article, but unless she says that and you don’t live in that house, you can’t say anything is fact. I know 3 boys is a handful but she was already small so her body probably bounced back quickly. Not only that, she may have even used her children in her weight training regime. Hell, she could have used the 8 month old as a dumbell. They may all nap at the same time giving her a good 30 mins of workout done everyday! Unless you know for certain, you can’t say what’s fact.

Button

October 17th, 2013
12:56 pm

dag meant 3 times a week.

Leggs

October 17th, 2013
1:00 pm

12:34 ~ YES INDEED! I’m still small, but not as small as I used to be and please believe I’m paying attention. Stop watching yourself in the mirror grow and grow and grow and blame it on “aging” while you constantly suck down those french fries or Sonic burgers.

YSIC ~ ok, I gotcha…you in deed babe! That’s good. You’re certainly invested. Every child should be cared for.

Gotta go help out at a h.s. in the area.

Button

October 17th, 2013
1:00 pm

I don’t see how a photo can be uplifting, who are ppl around all day? When I look around me, I see more ppl in shape than not. I took nothing from her photo other than a mother with 3 kids showing off in a shorts and a bra top.

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
1:01 pm

Button – 3 times or 4, yo butt still getting fat eating it all the time!LOL!!!

Leggs

October 17th, 2013
1:01 pm

Leggs

October 17th, 2013
1:02 pm

Button

October 17th, 2013
1:03 pm

3 boys ages 3, 2 and 8 months. what’s your excuse? some could take it as wanting to space their kids apart instead of having 3 kids within 3 years. There are so many ways to answer her question.

Single & Happy

October 17th, 2013
1:04 pm

Dan, I see women come in the gym all the time with their kids, that’s what the child care facility is there for. So it is possible for those that want to do it.

Exiled

October 17th, 2013
1:05 pm

I just try to be healthy.

But u aint healthy?

@MsATL

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 17th, 2013
1:10 pm

@Leggs

I read the article…

The fact is that it wasn’t until the backlash started coming at her that she admitted her past with bulimia.

And her post was, in summary: ‘I do this all on my own, as a small business owner, with three kids.’

Then the backlash happened and “I’m a stay at home mom, I really only check on my businesses around noon. …”

NBF, but um…if you haven’t read the article, you don’t know what she said

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 17th, 2013
1:13 pm

@S & H

That would refute her statement of “doing it all on my own”

Somebody at sometime is watching those kids. More power to her for trusting them in a place with no fiduciary responsibility to her – or them.

Her kids get snatched, hurt, or otherwise harmed and she’s SOL with the gym…they have no liability. And, depending on the temperment of her kids and the others there, the chances of them getting hurt is in the 85 percent range.

SlimNu

October 17th, 2013
1:14 pm

Moni – It’s definitely interesting to see how this show pans out and get a glimpse into their lives. I like Deitrick Hadden but he seems sort of high strung…short-tempered maybe.

Exiled

October 17th, 2013
1:16 pm

but i dont see anything wrong with the article or the lady unless somebody else is being deceptively defensive about their own weight.

If u post a picture of urself on facebook or any other social media platform,some are gon love it,others hate because they think(whatever u were doing), u were flossing and others are indifferent.

People read subliminal messages thaat are not even there…

and fat people generally…u jes have to look around sometimes before u say anything because they always bounce words against themselves……..

instead of quiting the Mickydee qrter pounder and diet coke.! :lol:

kimmie

October 17th, 2013
1:21 pm

Ex – Agree. I’m just too indifferent to look that deep at it, I guess. I’m also realistic about myself/body and what I’m motivated to do about it.