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Dating: Are you overlooking someone?

I loved the film Baggage Claim, even though it was a total chick flick in its purest form. There is something about a young woman looking for love in all the wrong places, only to realize he was there the whole time. It may seem like Hollywood manufactured love stories but I know for a fact that we overlook perfectly good people in our lives. For whatever reason, we don’t see them as potential romantic partners.

I was talking to my friend Roger who believes that everyone should look in their circle of friends and take a closer look. There is probably someone who could be a good match, but for whatever reason we rule them out. For instance, would you steer clear of someone just because they were related to your ex? Do you avoid dating someone because they are close friends with a former fling?

Have you ever imagined that you have already met the person you were “meant to be” with already and don’t even know it?

Do you think it is worthwhile to do a little back tracking or pay closer attention to someone you already know?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

279 comments Add your comment

Lee

October 8th, 2013
7:15 am

Have you ever imagined that you have already met the person you were “meant to be” with already and don’t even know it? No
Do you think it is worthwhile to do a little back tracking or pay closer attention to someone you already know? I do not know that many guys and the ones i know is a No. No thank you

Miss Moni

October 8th, 2013
7:48 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!!

Have you ever imagined that you have already met the person you were “meant to be” with already and don’t even know it? Sure I’ve done this before, however I don’t do it now.

Do you think it is worthwhile to do a little back tracking or pay closer attention to someone you already know? Hmmm, this is a tricky one. . . I’m not a fan of backtracking because usually there’s a very good reason why they were bypassed in the first place.

I don’t deal with family members or friends of an ex no matter how FINE they are, but I’m interested to know how you all feel about that?!?!?

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
7:51 am

Personally, I wouldn’t prescribe to “backtracking” as I believe “looking forward” is always better. I can’t lie, that has a feel of desperation to doing that kind of thing. I could me overthinking, but IMO I’d equate that kind of move to needing money and desperately checking the under the sofa cushions, your pockets, going through your purses, etc etc etc…lol Likely you know nothing is there, but you’re in dire need. However, I do agree with Diva in that oftentimes folks are sitting on or around a really good potential and just never realized. If you can, “in the moment” seize an opportunity of what’s not a likely candidate, I sa go for it. I would agree with “taking a closer look”, but not so much going back to “spring clean” checking for that man or woman you may have missed.

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
7:54 am

Would I steer clear of someone “just because they’re related to an ex?” Ummm, I dunno, I honestly can’t answer. Off the top of my head, I don’t deal with an ex’s family….When I move on, I move on. However, you just never ever know…..it could be a situation where you bump into an ex’s relative and he or she was the sane one in the bunch and he or she asked you out for coffee. I can’t say I would, but I can’t say I wouldn’t.

Miss Moni

October 8th, 2013
8:13 am

Thanks Celisea for your honesty. In some situations you may just never know until you’re actually faced with that type of situation.

SlimNu

October 8th, 2013
8:43 am

There is one guy that I have wondered from time to time what could’ve been. Whew, now that that is over….um, howdy folks! Mertning ;-)

Miss Moni

October 8th, 2013
8:49 am

Common Slim! Don’t give us just a small piece of the story. . . I wanna know what happened, LOL!!! ;-)

Hazel

October 8th, 2013
8:50 am

Even though you are being logical here, it just wouldn’t work for me. If there was something there, I would know it already.My husband once tried to hookup his ex gf with one of his friends. I find it very strange.

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
8:54 am

MM – YW

Now, I’m going for coffee and a bagel or something….

BBL

SlimNu

October 8th, 2013
8:57 am

Moni – I think i’ve mentioned him on here before but I just don’t think I was ready at the time for him. Call me crazy but it was sort of scary to be faced with someone that, seemingly, had all the things I wanted and spoke of wanting those same things.

Miss Moni

October 8th, 2013
9:03 am

-Slim Yes, I remember. . . So what is he doing now???

Button

October 8th, 2013
9:07 am

Do you think it is worthwhile to do a little back tracking or pay closer attention to someone you already know? It could be, I’ve hear/read about ppl reconnecting/reaching out to someone from their past via fb and it worked out. Do what works for you, you’ll never know what’ll become of it, I won’t go as far as to say it’s deparate but more so of keeping your options open.

would you steer clear of someone just because they were related to your ex? depends on how close of a relative they are. Dating is open season and you have to keep your options open and besides you never know where you”ll find love and if it happens to be a relative of your ex well it has happened somewhere in this world. What do you think ppl do in small town USA? it happens.

good morning!

SlimNu

October 8th, 2013
9:10 am

Moni – I have no idea, haven’t spoken to him. :???: I know when we were ‘dating’ he had a lot going on…didn’t have much time from traveling with the job, to other things he had to tend to.

Miss Moni

October 8th, 2013
9:16 am

Hi Button! Yes it does happen in small towns. I’ve seen enough Maury episodes to verify that, LOL!!!

-Slim Oh well if he didn’t have time for you then, don’t worry about what could have been. His lost.

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 8th, 2013
9:26 am

Of course we overlook people that might be “good” for us.

For a myraid of reasons: young mind, vanity, or an emotional state that isn’t ‘prepared’ in the same way we are.

It happened to me more than I can count…on both sides of the coin

Button

October 8th, 2013
9:28 am

Miss Moni- LOL!!! of course some ppl do it to be vindictive but sometimes that’s not the case, sometimes it just happen they connect/have better chemisty.

Button

October 8th, 2013
9:34 am

I would not pass up a chance at love bc I dated his friend. If I connected with the friend on a much deeper level then I would go for it. Shucks you only live once in this body. My personality is go for what you know. Feelings may be hurt on the ex behalf but he would just have to get over it, I don’t belong to him, what we had is over. He didn’t brand me saying “property of____ for ever! lol.

Reio

October 8th, 2013
9:35 am

Morning all!

Well, for me , during my dating years, I really didn’t care who was related to whom. Once I dropped you, you were dropped. Then, when I set my sights on someone else, it didn’t matter how close she was to the previous one. Even sisters. Yes sisters. Now, before any of you start attacking me, let me say this. I’ve never dated sisters, but I would have, if the first one didn’t work out. All it would have taken was for the second one to be willing and for me to have an interest in her. Fortunately, though, it never happened. I can only imagine the anger, anguish, and trepidation something like that would cause. But that was just me. Back then. I have since learned better and realized how hurtful this could be to so many involved. Far too many potential and even emanant problems to arise.

Leggs

October 8th, 2013
9:36 am

“Have you ever imagined that you have already met the person you were “meant to be” with already and don’t even know it?” – Nope.

I’m overlooking two that are very much interested in me. Good enough guys, but (1) has no concept of time and will stand you up in a heartbeat and the other (2) has too many medical issues.

Backtracking isn’t for me. Even my child knows I hate “backtracking” for anything.

Good, good morning!

SlimNu

October 8th, 2013
9:39 am

Oh, i’m not into dating other friends’ exes either….That just seems a bit tacky but thats my personal opinion.

2CPTG©

October 8th, 2013
9:43 am

g’morning…….

this part ~~~~~> Have you ever imagined that you have already met the person you were “meant to be” with already and don’t even know it? …….I’mma wait, she’en signed on this morning yet….

Miss Moni

October 8th, 2013
9:50 am

-Button So you would be OK going to a cookout with the new boo knowing that he is really good friends with your ex and that your ex will be there? Personally, I don’t want to be caught in the middle of a competition of the male ego between friends. They won’t be sitting around swapping stories about me, LOL!!!

Reio

October 8th, 2013
9:52 am

I don’t know that I’ve ever overlooked someone. Cause, if I was seeing someone, I was into her, everybody else could burn, as far as I was concerned. Now, if it didn’t work out, well, let’s just say, everybody else became fair game.

Button

October 8th, 2013
9:56 am

Miss Moni – Yes, why not? it’s a free world and like I said earlier, no brand on me saying the property of _____. Not that I’ve done it but where’s the problem? Again what do you think ppl do in small towns? it happens all the time.

kimmie

October 8th, 2013
10:02 am

Good morning!

Topic – I did this one time, went over my roster of single and available I knew of to see if I was overlooking anyone. I do remember it was during a dry spell, when I was not meeting the kind of men I wanted. A few friends tried setting me up during that time as well. I was not what I would call desperate, just ready to meet someone and get it going. I had not too long just lost my dad after a long illness spanning years and changed jobs, bought my first home and was ready for something real. I had just dumped a few I had just been kicking it with that were not serious. I didn’t find a past friend worth dating and the set-ups did not work out. But not long after I met my now hubs, so it’s all good. It all worked out when and how it was supposed to.

I would not rule out giving others in one’s circle a 2nd or “different” look. I don’t call that backtracking, just going over your options. If it’s one thing I believe in, it’s having options in all aspects of life. It’s really sad when you feel you have none.

Exiled

October 8th, 2013
10:05 am

that everyone should look in their circle of friends and take a closer look

….that made me think about our own blog Disco and her frequent flyer miles routine,looking for her freak on,when she could save all of those miles for the actual exotic honeymoon…and romantic vacations..

Look closer to home Disco!

Diva…this is timely advice! :lol:

2CPTG©

October 8th, 2013
10:11 am

I’m a firm believer that my next wife is gonna come from my circle of female friends…..hell, if we’re cool like that, then what’s wrong with exploring the next level?

Exiled

October 8th, 2013
10:12 am

Durty…the Falcons and the Braves,if they were babes..they wld be easy lays!

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
10:14 am

The Braves and the Falcons gon’ give me a stoke….uuuugghhh Close game, those Falcons

Miss Moni

October 8th, 2013
10:15 am

-Button I get that you’re not branded with the stamp. It’s just that sometimes sticky situations can be avoided, but ultimately it’s a personal choice. Some people in small towns travel somewhere else for dates. Example, the new reality show of those women from a small town in Alaska looking for love, by going to LA. Oh well, whatever floats your boat.

Bluzgirl

October 8th, 2013
10:16 am

Morning folks! I’ve been super busy lately and haven’t been in here. Hope I didn’t miss much!

I backtracked once with The Ex. Knew him about 12 years ago…he was a dog then…should have left him alone this time, but thought he changed and grew up. I got burned.

I have thought before of trying to track down my ex fiancé because he loved me more than anyone ever has. Unfortunately, he hasn’t done anything with his life. Last I heard, he’s still living in his parent’s basement and is a bit of a hermit. Such a shame. He was a good guy, but I’m glad I realized he wasn’t the one for me. I wish he had been…he would have done anything for me. I was just too young and needed to blossom.

I’m having a hard time getting going today. Went to the neighbor’s house last night and before we knew it, it was midnight! I’m so tired today and have to work a concert tonight and won’t get home until after midnight! Ugh!

Miss Moni

October 8th, 2013
10:17 am

“If it’s one thing I believe in, it’s having options in all aspects of life.”

-Kimmie I agree and in the words of Olivia Pope: “I’m never out of options.” :-)

Reio

October 8th, 2013
10:18 am

The only thing I can relate to this to, was an incident with my former sister-in-law, that I shared on this blog before. Only that was not a request on her part for a relationship, but an expression(quite vivid) on her part, to have a physical relationship. I was already married at the time anyway. But had I been single, I suspect that I would not have succumbed to her advances, even at the prospect of a physical relationship with a very desirable(never told her that) woman, as a single man. Much too close. Ex-wife of my brother?, Mother of my nephew? Naw. Much, much too close.

Leggs

October 8th, 2013
10:24 am

That definitely is way too close, Reio.

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
10:26 am

And let’s be clear here when we talk about relatives of exes…..

No former “inlaws”, no incest, nothing of the sort….lol When I think in terms of relatives of exes, I’m thinking next to impossible. You know, that one relative head and shoulders above the rest of those clowns. Someone that rarely came around, something of that sort. An almost impossible, but not ruled out situation. Not the folks down the hall or next door, if it’s a family where folks possess the entire street or apartment building and y’all changing up like ya changing drawers….that’s just nasty

So see, my scenario is a “not likely” type situation, but I just feel you never know where the tide is going to carry you, and most times it’s not something you’re on a quest for.

Button

October 8th, 2013
10:26 am

Miss Moni- it’s only a sticky situation when you make it a sticky situation. If I was single, I would def keep my options open to heck with what others think. That’s just how I feel, I can’t go thru life thinking negative when I’m trying to do something I want to have. You’re always going to have your naysayers, whachagonedo? let then direct your path?

kimmie

October 8th, 2013
10:26 am

Moni – When I was typing that, I thought of Olivia!! LOL!!

I tell the kids that all the time, create options for yourself. Don’t be stuck having to settle for anything! Have some choices of colleges to attend, jobs to accept,cars to buy, people to date, etc. Makes life so much more satisfying!!

The man formerly know as DAN - still...Superior

October 8th, 2013
10:26 am

I wish my “ex’s” nothing but the best in luck, life, and love; even if that meant hanging with one of my patna’s.

Why be possessive of someone you’re not with? In that same vein, just because we didn’t get along doesn’t mean her and my patna won’t…

I’m all about misery, er Happy Endings

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
10:27 am

Now……If I were on the market, I wouldn’t be scratching around for “family scraps” of ANY EX, in hopes of a date, a possibility, a lay, so forth and so on. I’m just saying you can never rule out how things happens waaaay down the road in life. You just never know.

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
10:29 am

But, you do have to stay open to all possibities. Everyone here is mature and grown. I think we can all decipher “possibility” from slumming

MsAtl

October 8th, 2013
10:36 am

Morning All!

I have not looked at my inner circle of friends and there are only a couple of males in my inner circle (married to my besties), so that would not be an option for me.
For instance, would you steer clear of someone just because they were related to your ex? Do you avoid dating someone because they are close friends with a former fling? I think I would steer clear.

Leggs

October 8th, 2013
10:36 am

I think we can all decipher “possibility” from slumming

Nicely said! Bluz, keep that sentence in your heart and you will forever move forward.

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
10:38 am

I would live my life…like I normally do. I think if you’re hanging around, still being cool with their folks your chances of moving the fam is greater. Like I said earlier, I have nothing to do with any family members of exes. Don’t wanna talk, hang out, catch up….none of that. If I “happened” upon someone, again, not an inlaw, not a sibling, etc etc etc, I can’t say I’d rule it out. But it wouldn’t be due to an ex. It would be for personal reasons.

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
10:39 am

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
10:39 am

moving “through” the fam….is what I meant

Celisea

October 8th, 2013
10:40 am

Speaking of Olivia Pope…..SCANDAL WAS GUUUUUD, last week!!

Bluzgirl

October 8th, 2013
10:41 am

None of my exes has family who was worth even giving a look to!!!

Leggs

October 8th, 2013
10:41 am

Bluz ~ meaning Mags will always be an afterthought.

Leggs

October 8th, 2013
10:46 am

Scandal was off the meter last week. It’s going to be another excellent season! This season, Harrison’s story is going to get a lot of play, along with Olivia being played by moving into the white house. My thoughts.

Bluzgirl

October 8th, 2013
10:47 am

Leggs – I hear ya! As tempting as it’s been to hook up with Mags again, I just can’t let myself backtrack with him! I would be slumming if I went there and I’m getting too old for that isht!