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Dating: Full and early disclosure?

Most of us have a few skeletons in our closets. Things we would much rather forget and definitely don’t want to disclose to a romantic interest. When it comes to giving full disclosure in dating, it’s virtually impossible to spill every single thing about your past. It is, however, important to share key pieces of information that the people you date need to know. Like a kid!

That’s right, trying to hide the fact that you have a child is not the way to win someone over. My friend Kelly said the guy she has been seeing for over two months just mentioned his infant daughter. He thought she would “overreact” and read too much into his situation. Whatever that means. I think not mentioning a small baby is a huge red flag.

Do you believe it is important to share certain details with the person you are dating? What should be revealed early on because you think it makes a big difference in a relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

293 comments Add your comment

Lee

October 7th, 2013
7:20 am

First Kelly needs to let that guy go. He was still seeing the baby mama, otherwise why hide it, we ashamed ?!

Things you should reveal: Kids, religion , ever married, how many times divorced,do your kids have the same mama, or dada ….

I think we should take a vote and have 2 sundays and get rid of monday, just a thought…

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
8:36 am

Diva, she needs to drop buddy off at the curb and not look back for not mentioning his kid. Who does that??? You want so bad to hook up that you are ashamed or too shady to mention your kid? That’s almost, if not the first thing that comes out of your mouth when you meet someone. IJS
IMO, having a kid or kids is not considered “skeletons” or something that you’re ashamed of. If you are, you don’t need to be dating, you need to grow up.

The only thing or time to do a “sit down” would be if there’s something current going on that potentially make or break a relationship. Your past life? Not so much.

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
8:41 am

Also, as Diva said “small baby”, that’s not only a red flag, that’s exit stage left. A “small kid” most times means baby mama and baby mama drama. Run girl run!!! He probably didn’t mention cause he’s shady and probably still with the kid’s mom….lolol

Miss Moni

October 7th, 2013
9:09 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Nope, dude hiding the fact that he has an INFANT, let it go and keep it moving!!! Ain’t nobody got time for that!!! My personal rule of thumb, if the guy has a child that is under the age of 3 then 9 times out of 10 he’s still trying to figure out how to co-parent with the child’s mother, unless the mother is deceased.

SlimNu

October 7th, 2013
9:11 am

Oooooh, a small infant child???!!!! Um, thanks but no thanks.

Morning All

MsAtl

October 7th, 2013
9:11 am

Morning All!

Off the bat, I want to know if you have a wife; girlfriend; boyfriend; baby mama, or an active warrant. are you featured on America’s Most Wanted? This guy hid an infant daughter? That is fresh & new, not a 25 year old child. Not cool.

Lee- I second your motion to have 2 Sundays and get rid of Monday.

Leggs

October 7th, 2013
9:15 am

Full and early disclosure should occur if you have a “record,” children, medical problems, a wife/hubby, perhaps a club foot or something like that. Other skeltons are there for a reason. One doesn’t need to know everything that happened in your past even once you become exclusive.

Good morning!

Miss Moni

October 7th, 2013
9:18 am

“One doesn’t need to know everything that happened in your past even once you become exclusive.”

-Leggs My sentiments exactly.

MsAtl

October 7th, 2013
9:29 am

Leggs- Right, I don’t need to give you the rundown from birth. Your “club foot” comment had me laughing. Reminds me of my grandfather-in-law saying he wouldn’t marry a woman because she was slew-footed.

Leggs

October 7th, 2013
9:37 am

I might take slew-footed over pigeon-toed. I’m just talking (lol).

SlimNu

October 7th, 2013
9:39 am

Leggs – I don’t even know what a club-foot is but it sounds hilarious! :lol:

SlimNu

October 7th, 2013
9:45 am

I just googled it…OMG, wow! :shock:

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
9:46 am

Knocked kneed is a deal breaker…lol

Reio

October 7th, 2013
9:52 am

Morning all!

Well, this stankin dimwit that failed to disclose that he is a father needed to be dropped. Not because he is a father, but because he has yet to learn how important it is and how important it is to inform someone that he is seeing of this. Who cares how she will react. You’re a father and one should be proud of that. Also, if he really loves his child/children, he would want to know immediately how this new person in his life feels about it.

All he wanted to do was get into her pants. Plain and simple. Only a stupid, three-timein, free-loading, good for nuthin, skeezin, dried up, irresponsible azz, low down, dirty, filthy, unclean, half-raised, deceiving, cross-eyed, bad breath….jackal, would not disclose this immediately. Not just on the first date, but as early as the first conversation. Push his azz off a cliff now. don’t wait. Move on.

Miss Moni

October 7th, 2013
9:59 am

-Slim A club foot is NOT something that you want to have to deal with. Although in this day and age, it can probably be repaired to look like a normal foot.

Leggs

October 7th, 2013
10:00 am

kimmie ~ do you remember the caller on The Bert Show who told her date that her daughter was her niece even after months of dating. She finally decided to tell him the truth and she didn’t quite understand why he no longer wanted anything to do with her. She continuously missed the obvious…you blatanly lied about something so significant that there cannot be any trust going forward. If you can put your child on the back burner in the hopes of getting with someone who doesn’t want children, something is gravely and pathetically wrong with you.

SlimNu

October 7th, 2013
10:03 am

can probably be repaired to look like a normal foot.

Moni – Something is wrong with me this morning because reading that last line has me cracking up…SO if you’re born with club foot and get it repaired, it’ll still be a club foot made to resemble a normal foot but it won’t really be considered a normal foot? :lol: OMG…I need breakfast or something fast.

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
10:05 am

He thought she would “overreact” and read too much into his situation

This dude is as shady as they come. How do you “read” too much into a new baby and baby mama/baby mama drama?? He already knew he was wrong for tryna hook up when got a “stuff” he needs to deal with.

Let’s say you do have a new kid and upon breaking up, nine months ago your girl was pregnant and y’all didn’t know….at first. If you’re on the up and up, you do the stand up thing and put it out there and let the chips fall where they may. You already know it could be shut down the moment you tell that you have a new baby because any woman in her right mind likely won’t have an appetite for that entire scenario. If you’re on the up and up, you take that chance. If it doesn’t work out or a person doesn’t really want “that” kind of situation, then you move on. Afterall, it’s their perogative to way yea or nay. You raise you baby and be amicable with the kid’s mom. In time, you’ll have the opportunity to find love.

Leggs

October 7th, 2013
10:05 am

‘half-raised, deceiving, cross-eyed, bad breath….jackal” – has me HOLLERING!

Reio

October 7th, 2013
10:05 am

Look, some things in life trumps everything else. Being a parent is right at the top of that list. Anybody that see’s this differently is not worth your time. How dare he not even mention this at the outset. The age of the child, IMO, is irrelevant and immaterial in this instance. Even if the child just started walking four days ago, seems like the sooner he knows how she feels about that, the better for both parties. If that fact is bothersome to her? Oh well.

Leggs

October 7th, 2013
10:12 am

I agree, Reio! It trumps everything.

kimmie

October 7th, 2013
10:14 am

Good morning!

Leggs – I remember that Bert Show episode. That chick was certifiable! In complete denial. And still could not understand why dude didn’t look at her the same way after that charade.

On topic – I had a guy do that to me. I’ve mentioned it here before, dude had a 4 year old daughter that he found out about after he & the mother broke up. He paid child support, but otherwise had nothing to do with the child. His excuse for not mentioning it to me after almost a year of dating – “I never asked”. I told him I should not have had to ask a 35 year old man whether or not he has kids, especially after that length of time dating.

SMH. Kelly is lucky she found out she had a turd early on. Keep it moving.

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
10:19 am

Woo hoooooo….Next Monday is a holiday!!!

Reio

October 7th, 2013
10:23 am

I guess Bert Show is a local thang, huh?

kimmie

October 7th, 2013
10:24 am

Yep Cel, it’s Thanksgiving in Canada that day, according to my calendar!!

Oh yeah, and Columbus day!

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
10:26 am

Kimmi – I didn’t know it was Thanksgiving Day in Canada…lolololol I was thinking “Columbus Day!! “

Leggs

October 7th, 2013
10:27 am

Hrmph, I still have to work, banks are closed tho.

Reio

October 7th, 2013
10:27 am

Something like should not only raise a red flag, but should cause one to terminate the relationship the moment that this information is disclosed, if it was not disclosed during your initial conversation. Dude had nothing but bad intentions.

Miss Moni

October 7th, 2013
10:28 am

-Slim I’m LOL at your 10:03!

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
10:28 am

I’m getting excited. My vacay mostly occurs the latter end of the year. I have Black Friday off, two weeks off at Christmas and a couple more scraggler days that I’m taking here and there between now and the end of the year. I just looooove this time of year.

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
10:29 am

The Government is closed too. Local, State and the Feds

Miss Moni

October 7th, 2013
10:30 am

-Celisea This time of year is great for vacays! Columbus Day, well actually Labor Day starts the Holiday every month season, LOL!!!

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
10:31 am

MissMoni – Yes yes, I’ve got a “getaway” on the calendar. I’m hyped!!!

kimmie

October 7th, 2013
10:40 am

I’m actually waiting on one of the blog men to come on and defend Kelly’s date. Come on talking about how women overreact to everything anyway, and it’s none of her business anyway if they are not exclusive.

There. I went on and put it out there for ya!

LOL!!

LorDemi

October 7th, 2013
10:46 am

If you can put your child on the back burner in the hopes of getting with someone who doesn’t want children, something is gravely and pathetically wrong with you.

Hellz Yeah…and Beep is the Topic?!?

Hey Leggy/Slim

singing.. “today is a good day” while pulling ‘Busted 1990 Civic on 22′ into the parking lot

Sup Yoll!

LorDemi

October 7th, 2013
10:48 am

@kimmie…dudes be on here defending lamabrain dude now?

SAY IT AINT SO!!!

LorDemi

October 7th, 2013
10:51 am

I’m getting excited. My vacay mostly occurs the latter end of the year. I have Black Friday off, two weeks off at Christmas and a couple more scraggler days that I’m taking here and there between now and the end of the year. I just looooove this time of year.

You must have 20-30 years with your company…you OLD.

lol, i am clowning

SlimNu

October 7th, 2013
10:51 am

I took off Monday because I originally was trying to go to Orlando. That fell through so I think i’ll make a trip down to Bama to visit my sis and niece. ;-)

Leggs

October 7th, 2013
10:52 am

Hey Demi ~ how have you been?

Reio

October 7th, 2013
10:54 am

I suppose I could come up with all kinds of reasons why Kelly should not be upset that this guy hid this child from her like : “Sheen got nuthin ta do widit.”, “Long as her azz got somebody wanting to git wit her….”, “aughta be glad somebody’s hollin at her”, “Her azz ain’t nineteen like she usta be.”, “Ole boy mignt be a good maintenance man, if she needs it.”, “Hell, he was gonna tell sooner or later…”, or words to that effect, but I won’t. He’s a miserable little weasel, with nothing on his mind but runnin a game on her. This major omission proves it.

disco

October 7th, 2013
10:56 am

good morning.

re who omits a kid? – lots of folks omit kids. first and foremost, one must remember, everyone ain’t out here playing the same game. dude said he thought the kid might limit his chances. poof! eliminate the kid, improve the chances.

personally I’m not for full disclosure and I’m not for early disclosure. some stuff just isn’t your business. I may choose to share but I may choose not to.

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
10:56 am

LorDemi – Here at my company, the number of weeks is based on tenure OR position/rank. If you come in the door as an SVP, you get 5 weeks off the bat. You can’t put two and two together….you digging…lololol

Reio

October 7th, 2013
10:57 am

“… I think i’ll make a trip down to Bama to visit my sis and niece.”

You mean a trip UP to Bama?

dynamic

October 7th, 2013
10:57 am

But how can you be mad at someone if you don’t ask them something that YOU feel is important? The chick on the Bert show had lied, but if the topic/skeleton is never brought up then what?

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
10:58 am

I’m not for full disclosure cause some things just ain’t you business, however a kid is you, a part of you and hiding this no matter the reason you claim you did it gets you the boot and swiftly!!

2CPTG©

October 7th, 2013
10:59 am

morning…

ok, kimmie, I’ll be ya huckleberry…….when should he have revealed the infant? Date 1? 2? When? Is the baby in the home with him? we don’t know, because it wasn’t shared in the letter…..I wouldn’t say that’s a crime of omission, as much as “a need to know” type situation….are they exclusive? What are their plans for the future? So there’s a lot of stuff that goes into play when revealing your resume to a chic…..

kimmie

October 7th, 2013
11:04 am

dynamic – Most folks would say a child, another human being, one’s offspring, is pretty important. It’s one of those things you kinda expect to be volunteered if you plan on seeing someone more than once, I would think.

But what do I know? :shock:

Celisea

October 7th, 2013
11:05 am

LorDemi – You must be at a company where you have to work 15 years to get 2 weeks of vacay?? lololololol

Button

October 7th, 2013
11:05 am

I agree with everthing that has been said. Kelly need to run and fast, not bc he has a child but bc he neglected to say from the beginning that he has a child, an infant at that. The guy is trouble and not forth coming.
I’m all for not blabbling about everything upon first meeting someone when dating but there are a few things that should be a given during first intial conversation when dating and that includes children and marital status.

Did Kelly even ask him if he had any children? That’s usually the first question asked.

Good day!

disco

October 7th, 2013
11:06 am

atl / leggs – I know a chick who was dating a guy who took quite some time to reveal that he had a prosthetic leg. she married him.

reio – is it not too early to be going so hard? dang. lol.