accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Why does the friend zone exist?

If you like someone and you are both totally available, how does one person end up in the friend zone? Despite your best efforts and not so subtle hints, you can wind up in the category of “good friend” instead of “person I want to rip the clothes off of” and it happens FAST.

Who benefits most from the friend zone? I ask because a woman I know has been the “emotional support” to this guy she actually is crazy about. He has never shown her an inkling of reciprocity; yet she waits and hopes he will see how great they can be together. He calls her to vent about OTHER women. She is the Mayor of Friend Zone but she would rather be that then not have him in her life. Have you ever been in that situation?

What happens when you find yourself liking someone who only sees you as a friend? Has anyone ever escaped the friend zone and actually made it into hot steamy romance?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

93 comments Add your comment

Lee

October 4th, 2013
7:07 am

Well I just don’t see you in that sexual way. I was a tomboy when i was younger and had plenty of guy friends i would never date them ewwwww. I knew too much about them and none of it was sexy or cute.

She might have the hots for him due to him being the only guy that is paying her any kind of attention.

I am sure many people (i would not say escaped) but realized that they were great together and it was a natural progress to being in a romantic relationship

I thought yesterday was Wednesday so i was so excited to find out today is Friday. oh ya baby two days without going to work.

Single and Happy

October 4th, 2013
7:28 am

Hey all

I’ve been in the friend zone, I’m in the friend zone right now. And have had those that were in my friend zone. Have moved from the friend zone to the relationship zone. The one thing I found out is that a shut mouth never gets feed! If this woman hasn’t told this guy how she feels then why does she think he’s going to know? Now even when I’m in the friend zone it doesn’t stop me from dating other women, life goes on. Time waits for no man!

Exiled

October 4th, 2013
7:42 am

I have been in the friend zone but have not been told the boyfriend stories because she knew,I that my proximity to her was because of my desire to hump her,which I eventually did after being as patient as a hungry lion in the Africa savannah!

I would not be that ‘friend’ that hears stories of her other boyfriends and her escapades with them while harboring intentions to follow their trails to her cootie…I ain’t one of those who actively pursues and likes to devour another’s(competitor’s) vomit! ewwwww :lol:

If u are a guy and don’t mind to wait the friend zone can reap some rewards.

Patience is key! And be Always nice and available.

Dine her when she lonely.

One day…..one day…she gon realize the value of what’s right in front of her! :lol:

That’s what I done! :lol: (the cootie wasn’t even all that,lemme say)

Happy Friday MIA!

Celisea

October 4th, 2013
8:24 am

The dreaded friend zone.

In all my courting (lol), I honestly can’t remember secretly vying or waiting in the wings, hoping for a chance. If I did, I’m not remembering. I mean c’mon who does that anyway, but men??? lolol I kid I kid :) I wouldn’t put myself through watching and hoping from afar. We talked about crushes the other day, but I don’t think that’s the same or can be compared to being friends and hoping and wishing yet can’t act on or say a word.

Now, I’ve had and have guy friends and unless someone wished and hoped from afar, I don’t know anyone relegated to friend zone that desired to be more than that. Now, I’ve gone out over the years with a few and there was something that wasn’t there and in that instant I knew that it would be no more than being cool. And for those, I’ve said “cool, we can be friends”, but really you can’t be friends in those situations IMO, cause if you try to laugh it up or just hang out, they’re gonna take the opportunity when they feel presents and try and take it in the direction you’re not feeling. At that point, it becomes a huge turn off.

Now, I’ve been acquainted with a couple of dudes that I know, given the opportunity they would devour and probably just to prove a point and say “aaaahaaaa”, but I dont’ consider them friends. Like I said acquaintences or folks I know by way of other folks. I called them wolves…lol But again, unless I’m just oblivious, my guy friends are all and have always been friends with desired nothing more as it relates to wanting to have something. Don’t get me wrong, I know even with “guy friends”, would smash if they could, but that’s not the same as a dude wanting to have a try at a relationship from the “friend zone”, that’s just most men.

Anyone remembers Phil Niekro? He was a major player for the Braves. He played in quads and played on the 4th hole (where I was) yesterday.

Miss Moni

October 4th, 2013
8:28 am

GOOD Friday Morning MIA!!! *TGIF* :-D

Friend zone. . . Well, it exists because there are some people that although you get along great as friends, being anything more would probably not work out so much. Sometimes it’s just best to leave well enough alone.

Hazel

October 4th, 2013
8:44 am

Happy Friday! She is not being fair to herself. This could go either way. I hope that she is not putting all of her eggs in this basket either.

Single and Happy

October 4th, 2013
8:48 am

Miss Moni, one of the people that’s had me in the friend zone for some years told me the other night the reasons why she wouldn’t date me, and the odd things about it, they were the same things that attracted me to her. But her final thought was that I would want her to change and that would cause problems.

Reio

October 4th, 2013
9:04 am

Morning all!

I can’t recall ever being in or having someone in the friend zone. The only people that might come close to this would be co-workers or acquaintances. I suppose some of my wife’s girlfriends would qualify as well. Although I can’t recall being in the company of them, when it was just the two of us and no others. There have been a few situations where I would go to their homes to fix a computer or laptop or something of that nature, but my wife knew about it beforehand.

Leggs

October 4th, 2013
9:04 am

I chuckled at the subject. It exists because it’s a holding pattern for possibilities. It’s an area where one isn’t quite certain so they’re friends w/o any expectations. However, some stay in the zone permanently and some move to a FWB, some move to an exclusive relationship. The person who wants more but stays in the friend zone hoping is the one with the pained soul.

Good morning!

SlimNu

October 4th, 2013
9:12 am

Um, I can’t really recall me being in the friend zone…but the mind is not as sharp as it used to be. lol I have had guy friends that I just wasn’t into enough to want anything romantic with them. The infamous spark was not there for me.

MsAtl

October 4th, 2013
9:14 am

Morning All!

I have not been put in the friend zone. I would imagine that if I am interested in a man, it would be hard to hear about his exploits with other women. I would let him know how I felt about him.

Guess what? Today is Friday. uh huh!

2CPTG©

October 4th, 2013
9:15 am

the friend zone is the female’s version of being able to get the milk without having to buy the cow….

CoolShadow

October 4th, 2013
9:15 am

Who benefits most from the friend zone?

Between two people, the one who has the lesser affinity for the other because generally the one with the greater affinity will make more of an effort to impress or convince the one with less affinity. ‘Friend zone’ generally has a negative connotation to it and to me it means when you’re digging someone but they’re not feeling you as much but likes the perks that you bring to the table, so they keep you around to receive said perks but maintain an emotional distance to keep you from getting too close. If you mutually assign each to the friend zone, cool, but if the friend zone assignation is asymmetrical, it can be an issue for the one with greater affinity.

What happens when you find yourself liking someone who only sees you as a friend?

You need to let that person know how you feel about them. If they’re receptive to your approach, great; if not, then you need to figure out your next move, whether you decide to appeal your case or move on. If you decide to appeal, that might raise the stakes for the chance to be placed deeper in the friend zone and set up to be played or fall into simp mode.

Reio

October 4th, 2013
9:17 am

I can remember a number of occasions when a co-worker or acquaintance would ask ” So, you telling me you don’t go out at all?, Cause I can’t believe that. All these women round here checking you out and you ain’t doin nuthin?, No way…..” Just trying to see how I would respond. Feeling me out. But I would never lead a woman on, just to jump in the sack with her. Now, if she made the first move, overtly, well, that was a different story.

Celisea

October 4th, 2013
9:23 am

it means when you’re digging someone but they’re not feeling you as much but likes the perks that you bring to the table, so they keep you around to receive said perks but maintain an emotional distance to keep you from getting too close.

Really? Like I said, I’ve never been the friend in the zone or placed a friend in the zone, but from from friends and what folks have discussed, I’ve never heard of perks and stuff happening. I just thought it was always one wanting more and the other didn’t. I’m calling “sucka” for a dude that’s willingly buying, providing and giving stuff away KNOWING she’s not feeling you like that. But, not saying your scenario can’t or hasn’t happened. I just never heard of FZ yet performing like a bf.

If you decide to appeal, that might raise the stakes for the chance to be placed deeper in the friend zone and set up to be played or fall into simp mode

See, this is where dudes go wrong, If you let a chick know how you feel, and she’s not receptive….please please please take it for what it is and either stay comfy in the FZ or move on. But raising the stakes is a turn off, when she’s clearly defined and outlined it’s a no go.

Just having a bit of dialog :)

Single and Happy

October 4th, 2013
9:29 am

Cool shadow, and what perks would those be?? I don’t treat the ones I’m in the friend zone any different that I would treat any other friend.

Celisea

October 4th, 2013
9:31 am

Now take the older dude pulled out all the stops and did the perks, but he clearly knew where I stood. He just believed I would eventually give it…..guess that was the norm for him. Now, he wasn’t in the friend zone, as I was cool with him and dating and hanging out. I just wasn’t gonna smash….unless and until he showed me something other than gifts.

Celisea

October 4th, 2013
9:38 am

Not to be redundant here, but in all seriousness, no way should you be buying stuff in hopes of changing folks’ minds or getting repositioned, nor IMO should you be raising the stakes when folks make it clear where you stand…..IJS That’s a turn off like a mug. When dudes are persistant and you don’t want them to be, they feel like a buggaboo. Just go on about your business and with your life. If you’re still down with seeing where things may go, if she misses her “friend” enough, you just never know. Of couse that would feel like pity, but IJS

Button

October 4th, 2013
9:49 am

She will never know unless she profess her desire for him. I’ve never been in that situation so I can’t even phanthom how it feels. Some ppl have moved out of the friend zone into a relationship once they know how the other person feels. She should give it a shot, you only live once in this body. So go for it.

Good morning!

Miss Moni

October 4th, 2013
9:56 am

-Single Hmmm, so how did you take that? It’s amazing how two people can view things in two totally different ways, but that’s what makes us individuals.

Celisea

October 4th, 2013
10:00 am

Button, girrrrl you are sooo right!!! Closed mouths don’t get fed. Now, if he says no to the chick in today’s topic, then hopefully she will keep it moving

kimmie

October 4th, 2013
10:12 am

Morning All!!! Happy End of the Week and the last day!!

Topic – I have been put in the friend zone and put many there myself. In all instances, once the other made their feelings known, it was uncomfortable. It didn’t immediately end the friendship, but it changed it significantly. I was never one to wait around pining for someone forever(not that hard up) and to have some dude around me pining after I’ve told him I’m not feeling him like that is irritating and pitiful.

While it never worked out for me, I have seen it work out quite well with some other friends. So Wise’s friend needs to go on and throw it out there and let the chips fall where they may. Either it will work out or it won’t. Either way, she won’t have to listen to his sob stories anymore, cause if it doesn’t work out, he couldn’t be coming to me with his mess anymore if I were her. She needs to get herself a backbone and some spunk, look cute & let dude know what time it is with her. He probably doesn’t even look at her like that because she’s such a wallflower.

Button

October 4th, 2013
10:28 am

Celisea – Let’s hope so! She’s been a trouper listening to him vent about other women. At least she know what he likes/dislikes in a woman. She should use it to her advantage.

Button

October 4th, 2013
10:42 am

There’s one of two things that may happen if she profess her desire: he feel the same way and they live happily ever after or he rejects her and they never see/hear from each other again and if they do continue to talk it’s going to be akward. OR she can keep her mouth shut and pin for the guy from a far. I say go for the first and deal with the consequences.

kimmie

October 4th, 2013
10:43 am

Dang, where is everyone?

Celisea

October 4th, 2013
10:48 am

Button – Mmmm hmmmm, exactly. And like Kimmie said, toss a lil “sexy” in there, get off that wall and be seen :) And we all know how being a trooper pays off. Shoot a lil tenacity and fortitude goes a long way. You see how MMeello waited and waited and waited….til his payoff…lolololol

Miss Moni

October 4th, 2013
10:48 am

-Kimmie It’s Friday, they may have just taken the day off, LOL!!!

Reio

October 4th, 2013
10:59 am

“See, this is where dudes go wrong, If you let a chick know how you feel, and she’s not receptive….please please please take it for what it is and either stay comfy in the FZ or move on.”

Now, I was fortunate, everyone I asked out, said yes, over the years. Wasn’t better than any other fella, just fortunate. But had I asked, and she said something other than “Yes”, then, I would have been gone. Never asking again.

Exiled

October 4th, 2013
11:03 am

Cool Shadow’s analysis works for my example because I courted,wined and dined this fabulous chic…and she played the game as well..I knew all along..but it was me who was thirsty for the the most….

….this was one of the most expensive smash i have ever had,when it finally happened..then the excitement fizzled just as much… ! :lol:

We still cool people…she married,just like myself..and we still cool even though she is far far away!

Single and Happy

October 4th, 2013
11:13 am

MissMoni, I took it just like you said, we just viewed things differently, I just said okay/

Celisea

October 4th, 2013
11:25 am

In all seriousness, I’m not knocking anyne’s efforts or style in doing what works for them. I could be wrong, but oftentimes, IMO, this sort of thing can play out very different for men, than for woman.
Sometimes it’s a win win and sometimes bust. My only thing is when a person has made it clear, just let it go. That’s when the “feeling” of “ugh” sets in. Usually you can just be cool with , “hey not this time.” On the other hand, there are those times where a dude is persistent and you end up liking him….but for me there’s gotta be a skill or something to that and not the feeling of stalker-ism going on….lol Meaning you don’t see him as a buggaboo so much, but more like, dang, buddy is da man….lol

Also, there’s a big difference in dudes waiting next to never to boo up you versus waiting next to never to smash…..bigggg difference. Somehow, sometimes (not all the times or I’d be lying) you can pick up on a dude just waiting you out. Those are the times when you grin, nod and think within…mmm mmm I can wait longer than you can

kimmie

October 4th, 2013
11:30 am

Cel – U are right about the smash versus boo up. With my friends that worked, it was definitely a boo up, 2 ended up getting married.

CoolShadow

October 4th, 2013
11:32 am

Single & Happy @ 9:29- sometimes you display boyfriend perks to persons of interests to indicate your capbilities and worthiness. It’s a chance you take and when you realize you’ve been thrust to the friend zone, you should pull back. Not saying pull all stops but show that you’re worthy of her (and vice versa).

Celisea

October 4th, 2013
11:40 am

Kimmie – Funny how you just know….

YesSheIsCute

October 4th, 2013
11:46 am

Good morning everyone! Today is my Thursday so I’m only partly hyped :D

Guys usually try to designate me in the friend zone or the friends-with-benefits zone. Either you like me or you don’t. Now if we both are friends that’s cool. Other than that, I don’t have time to waste, pining away for someone waiting for them to find value in me. :? That friend zone thing is so High School.

Speaking of High School I thought the term “blue balls” died with high school. I couldn’t guys are actually saying this in 30-dom.

Willie Dynamite

October 4th, 2013
11:47 am

Morning all,
Ahh the dreaded friend zone. Who signs up for that. When I think I’m approaching that area with a chick I actually like then I let it be known and deal with the fallout. On the flip side I personally like hanging out and conversing with women so its really not that big a deal. I’ve had straight up convo’s to say hey we are cool and I wouldn’t approach you like that. I’ve also had the Convo that we are cool but if you slip I will bend you over with the quickness. Like I said put it out there and deal with it. Life too short to schedule awkward moments.

Single and Happy

October 4th, 2013
11:49 am

Cool Shadow, what are boyfriend perks?? I’m missing something here. When I go from friend, to boyfriend, the only thing that changes is sex, and gifts, because when I’m in the friend zone that aint happening.

to indicate your capabilities and worthiness I guess this would be the difference, I don’t do that.

disco

October 4th, 2013
11:58 am

good morning/afternoon. here I thought I was missing out and well, I wasn’t missing out.

ex – so you confirmed our theory that most men hang around in the zone hoping to get lucky. a pity. lol.

C – I’m with you. I’m not pining away in the friend zone. if I’m trying to get some, I’m putting that out there. if it doesn’t happen cool but now I know and don’t have to do like ex and hope I get lucky. lol.

MsAtl

October 4th, 2013
12:00 pm

Durty/2C- If this were either of you, don’t say anything! Remember your 5th Amendment right to remain silent, lol.
Disco/Slim- You may wish to check any engagement rings you get from these two.

http://www.ajc.com/news/news/atlantic-station-jewelry-store-robbed-at-gunpoint/nbFbw/

Celisea

October 4th, 2013
12:05 pm

Reio

October 4th, 2013
12:15 pm

Well, from the looks of things, I guess I’m the only guy here who has never had a female friend. If I knew a female, I would never call her up simply because I thought about her. I MAY, if I had her number, call to see how she was doing, following an accident or illness. But never just to chat. I figured that either you’re just an acquaintance, or I’m bending you over. One or the other. Can’t be friends.

I mean, a friend will stop by, or call you up for, say, 10 minutes or so, just to say hi. Women never did this for me, unless we were in a relationship. And I never did this for women, unless we were in a relationship.

Hell, I’ve had guy friends that would call me up and we would hold hours long conversations…women, sports, politics, world religions, poverty, crime, global events….on a consistent basis. Never did this, consistently, with women. Never. I guess it’s my fault. I’m sure I missed out on several friendships with women that could have been long lasting and fulfilling, without us becoming intimate. My loss, unfortunately. I guess.

Miss Moni

October 4th, 2013
12:20 pm

-MsAtl The irony is that we were on this topic yesterday. Things that make you go hmmm, LOL!!!

MsAtl

October 4th, 2013
12:26 pm

Moni- Exactly! That is why I thought it was funny. The thief demanded to be taken to the engagement rings.

Lady~

October 4th, 2013
12:35 pm

Interesting Topic! Happy Friday Crew!!!! :)

Miss Moni

October 4th, 2013
12:38 pm

-MsAtl Wouldn’t it be hilariously funny if it was one of the MIA readers? LOL!!!

Leggs

October 4th, 2013
12:41 pm

If I’m in the friend zone, I’m there because you’re not interested in having a relationship with me. With that being said, there will be no FWB’s, no hanging out no freaking zone! I’m pissed that you don’t like me like I like you so I’m not even gonna be your friend….{sucking on thumb kicking rocks}.

MsAtl

October 4th, 2013
12:43 pm

Leggs- Lol at your tantrum!

Moni- Now I’m waiting for Durty & 2C to check in. {{tapping fingers on desk}}

SlimNu

October 4th, 2013
12:44 pm

Had my interview today and I think it went well…we shall see. Keep ya’lls blog fanga’s crossed for me please ;-)

Lady~

October 4th, 2013
12:45 pm

MsAtl

October 4th, 2013
12:48 pm

Good luck Slim.