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Should women help pay for engagement ring?

There was a recent poll conducted on TheKnot.com that shows women are willing, able, and happy to contribute to the purchase of their own engagement rings. Seriously, why is this a real trend now?

Maybe it’s just me but this doesn’t seem fair. Is the marriage about the love or about the ring? What does it really matter if your partner doesn’t pick out the ring you would have picked out for yourself? What do you think this trend says about how we view money and relationships?

The whole point of getting engaged is that your future partner took a huge step and got a ring that they wanted you to have. Should you really make them feel like their choice wasn’t good enough?

Would you ever consider splitting the cost of an engagement ring?? Do men feel pressure to go out and buy a crazy expensive ring they can’t afford?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

198 comments Add your comment

Exiled

October 3rd, 2013
7:01 am

First!

The ring is a non essential,I say ditch it or if she really wants to flaunt one,let her pay some of the costs.

As a matter of fact,a man gets a window seat into her brain seeing how much value she places on this immaterial stuff.
Maybe time to even drop the Whole thang!

Good morning MIA

Lee

October 3rd, 2013
7:14 am

Mornin,

Exiled I would agree, I think too many people are trying to out-do the ring. What is more important having someone love you or having a rock. ( I know someone who has a 3 ct ring, her husband likes to show off–he cheats on her,she knows it, she stays hoping one day he will just love her, she would give up that ring in a heart beat for him just to stay home, she is very religious and divorce is not an option for her and he knows it smh)

Dont get me wrong if i received a Splendid size of a ring i would not complain, but i would not make it a condition of the marriage.

Duty–Yes I made more money than my X. but not an outstanding amount… I think of it is not what we have now but what are we striving for together for the future.
Ha it getting closer to the weekend. Being Thankful

Lee

October 3rd, 2013
7:26 am

I am not splitting the cost of the ring. That is not happening Lol

Button

October 3rd, 2013
8:11 am

Would you ever consider splitting the cost of an engagement ring?? Nope!

Do men feel pressure to go out and buy a crazy expensive ring they can’t afford? Yes (well some men do) you do know it’s all about the ring right! j/k no seriously. It’s top bragging rights. The larger/expensive/extravagant the ring the more he loves you.

Is this really a trend? I’ve known of a couple of women who have paid not only for the engagement ring but the helped with the costs of the wedding rings. I guess you do what suits you best but I have never bought my any of my rings.

Good morning!

Button

October 3rd, 2013
8:17 am

I ran into a lady in the elevator one day. I was admiring her toe ring. I complimented her on it she said thank you and told me that it was her wedding ring and it was their custom to wear it on the to (the one next to the big toe). That was one beautiful toe ring.

Miss Moni

October 3rd, 2013
8:27 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! *It’s Friday Eve* :-D

Would you ever consider splitting the cost of an engagement ring?? Absolutely NOT!!!!!!

-Button A toe ring??? Wow!!! I suppose a couple is allowed to do what they want. However as for me and my house, we shall wear our wedding rings on our ring finger.

Button

October 3rd, 2013
8:32 am

Miss Moni – it’s their custom. not sure where she was from.

I think most men feel pressured bc of society. They feel that they must spend a boat load of money on an engagement ring. Isn’t it 3 times their yearly salary?

Hazel

October 3rd, 2013
8:38 am

The ring should cost 3 months worth of salary.. or so I heard. This question never occured to me, but like Exiled said..if she really wants something major, then she should pay some of the cost too. Ring should come from the heart, and even if its a tiny tiny diamond.. its from the heart. I am superficial, and I can’t deny that. I had expectations ( which he could fulfill) of a certain size.

Button

October 3rd, 2013
8:39 am

The engagment ring is then put away in a safe box that should be passed down from generation to generation. I pawned my engagement ring.

Celisea

October 3rd, 2013
8:41 am

We’ve already given up the draws….what next?? I kid I kid. I just made a quick store run and no kidding, I heard this same topic on the radio, how some men are asking women to pay for half the price of the ring. Cool, you wanna start out that way? Keeping tabs and doing “half?” Okay, and let’s keep it going. You’ll get half your clothes washed, half the bed made, half your meals cooked, half loved, half handed everything….see where I’m going?

When I see these kind of things trending, it’s refreshing to be in a good place. Too old for tomfoolery (such as half) yet young enough to still enjoy and get a bang out of a man that’s old school enoough to “brang” it and make me feel appreciated and loved.

But hey, whatever floats your boat. Going ring shopping for yourself or picking up half the tab ain’t exactly appealing…but that’s just me.

Button

October 3rd, 2013
8:41 am

Hazel – even if its a tiny tiny diamond.— now you know you will be teased out the door.

Hazel

October 3rd, 2013
8:45 am

I’m serious. I have seen wealthy women wear some very small diamond wedding rings. It shows me that the ring came from hardwork and her man bought it when they were not so wealthy or they are just not superficial. I have a friend who has a small sapphire wedding engagment ring. They now have a succesful law firm but when they got engaged, they were just starting off.

Miss Moni

October 3rd, 2013
8:45 am

-Button The traditional rule is 1 to 3 month’s salary, not the yearly salary, LOL!!! That would be 1 heck of ring! :-D

Miss Moni

October 3rd, 2013
8:48 am

“Going ring shopping for yourself or picking up half the tab ain’t exactly appealing…but that’s just me.”

-Celisea My sentiments EXACTLY, I’m NOT doing that!!!

Celisea

October 3rd, 2013
8:54 am

Miss Moni – They better ask somebody…lol

Button

October 3rd, 2013
8:59 am

Miss Moni- oh :lol: :lol:

Miss Moni

October 3rd, 2013
9:06 am

I’ll check in later, headed to an appointment.

MsAtl

October 3rd, 2013
9:11 am

Morning All!

No, I would not want to buy my own engagement ring or split the cost. However, I also would not insist on a big honking diamond or 3 months’ salary. I have heard of women going rig shopping with the man or picking it out for him to buy so they can make sure they are “happy with his choice.” If you picked it out, then it is not his choice. The point of the engagement is that you love me enough to want to marry me, I am not going to rake you over the coals because the neighbor’s ring is bigger than mine. Your actions show you love me, not the size of the diamond.
To rope it back to personal, my first wedding set was @ $450 for the entire 3 ring set. Cheap? Yes, but I was in love and very happy with it and wore it proudly for years. My last upgrade was about 4 karats but was given to me while he was involved in affairs with several others, as I found out. I see it as a pretty bauble- nothing more. It has no meaning for me. Yet a new engage (yes I made up a word) would be ecstatic to receive it from her beau.

MsAtl

October 3rd, 2013
9:14 am

*ring and *engagee

2CPTG©

October 3rd, 2013
9:19 am

morning…

nah, I don’t expect my soon to be wife to pay for the engagement ring…..I got that, lil mama.

disco

October 3rd, 2013
9:31 am

good morning.

ex – whatever. if I’m willing/able to buy myself a ring that is better than the ring that my man is willing/able to buy for me then I guess he’s not the man for me.

also, I will never be that chick that buys my own ring. those heffas need to be taken out to pasture. they are making the whole lot of us look bad.

disco

October 3rd, 2013
9:34 am

all that from the heart stuff is good in theory. if dude gives me some ugly, jacked up, busted looking cheap azz ring from his heart I might have to tell him to ask his heart to wear it. gone head with that. lol.

2CPTG©

October 3rd, 2013
9:35 am

disco…..what size yo fangas? been lookin at something I think you’d like……heheheheh

MsAtl

October 3rd, 2013
9:37 am

Disco- Remember, at our age, a man is mature enough to know generally what we like and should be set enough that we don’t get the $450 ring…

kimmie

October 3rd, 2013
9:46 am

Morning All!!

Would you ever consider splitting the cost of an engagement ring?? No. Disco, I agree, neva eva.

Do men feel pressure to go out and buy a crazy expensive ring they can’t afford? – Yes, weak dumb men. Smart men spend within their means.

Should you really make them feel like their choice wasn’t good enough? Anyone with class would not. That’s not love. But there are some that see this trait and still go thru with the wedding. I’m not one that’s hung up on the material. If dude got me a rock the size of Stone Mountain but treated me like dirt at the bottom of his shoe, then what do I really have? Nothing.

If there was just some piece of bling that I just had to have, I would get it – but I would not be talking about it’s my engagement ring and wearing it on that finger. That’s disrespectful. I’d say “oh this is a cocktail ring, a little gift to myself”.

disco

October 3rd, 2013
9:58 am

2C – my ring size is 7 so you should be able to get a good deal. lol.

hey kimmie!!!!

YesSheIsCute

October 3rd, 2013
9:58 am

Good morning everyone! I know that I’m not paying for it, am not contributing to it, nor do I want to help pick it out.

The type of jewelry I like should have been a discussion at some point anyway, I gather if he’s willing to give me that at some point prior to proposing he would have given me jewelry as well. I trust his decision. Surprise me. :)

2CPTG©

October 3rd, 2013
10:01 am

soon y’all, disco gon’ come on here, and be like…….”2C went to Jared’s”!!!!

Reio

October 3rd, 2013
10:03 am

If you really think about it, anything that’s perceived as having value, is just that, PERCEIVED. So, in essence, a ring could be seen as valuable, or, valueless, as a rock from the Grand Canyon. In other words, it’s only as valuable as you think it is. There was a time when things like silk, spices, tulips, cinnamon, salt, jasmine……were considered very valuable. Now, not so much. Hell, even dumbazz Christopher Columbus set sail for the East Indies by heading west, went solely to find spices to bring back to the Spanish crown. A ring is as valuable as you believe it is.

disco

October 3rd, 2013
10:05 am

I went in a jewelry store last night for a watch battery. I was slowly browsing while waiting. I was so glad they were quick and had my battery in while I was still looking at watches and before I got to the rings. I’ve been considering a chocolate diamond purchase as a gift to myself. dude talking about I can keep browsing. I was like I can pay for this battery and be out. temptation is a muthah.

kimmie

October 3rd, 2013
10:10 am

Hey Disco!!!

Hazel – I’ve seen alot of wealthy women with small wedding rings that they got when first starting out. Some just have a gold band. But together they have built an empire and now can have anything they want. The CEO of a major Fortune 500 company I used to work for drove to work in a beat up truck. We all knew who he was and that he had other cars at his disposal if he wanted. No need to floss all the time though. In fact, he was not the first millionaire I knew that did that.

When you really “got it like that” you don’t need to show off. Money can’t by class.

kimmie

October 3rd, 2013
10:12 am

buy, not by.

2CPTG©

October 3rd, 2013
10:12 am

kimmie, Sam Walton was the same way….and we know how valuable his company is!!! shoot, Bill Gates drives a lil hybrid…

2CPTG©

October 3rd, 2013
10:17 am

and here’s the thing kimmie……how many women would give that guy the time of day if they saw him in his beat up pick-up; yet, unbeknownst to them, he’s a multi-millionaire????

Into the Light

October 3rd, 2013
10:17 am

Money can’t buy class…… amen and amen.

Morning, all.

Leggs

October 3rd, 2013
10:21 am

I guess I’m old school on this topic as well. I don’t think I should help pay for my engagement ring. That’s his part. He gets me the ring he can afford to show that he wants to marry me. If the diamond isn’t the size she would hope it to be, then she’s already looking at marriage the wrong way. It’s not about impressing others on the size of my ring. It’s the two of us in this marriage, not my friends/associates. I’m not even going to have a lavish wedding just to impress others. Hell to it ain’t happening.

disco/ITL ~ I had jury duty yesterday and took “Wench” with me. Very good read, haven’t finished it yet, but it’s here on my desk. Don’t know the last time I brought a book to work to read on my lunch hour.

Good morning!

YesSheIsCute

October 3rd, 2013
10:23 am

@2C But if you flip it on its ear, lots of women have given “downtown” guys the time of day….with ZERO rate of return on their investment (deadbeat with no goals or aspirations). It can go either way….

Into the Light

October 3rd, 2013
10:26 am

I’m reading Sugar right now. The first couple of pages really drew me in. I love the author’s writing style; she’s so vivid and honest.

kimmie

October 3rd, 2013
10:28 am

2C – Warren Buffet too!

disco

October 3rd, 2013
10:35 am

leggs – we are going to throw a blog party when you finish reading wench.

itl – sugar definitely leaves you wanting more.

Hazel

October 3rd, 2013
10:35 am

@Kimmie- my point exactly. My husband gets mad at me as I want a new car. He points out all of the cars that his fellow physicians drive, which consist of yaris, dodge etc . you are on point with that!

kimmie

October 3rd, 2013
10:37 am

It can go either way….

2C – What Yes said is right. It depends on how you meet and the circumstances. When I was younger, the main requirement is that a guy HAD a car, transportation. I’ve gone out a few times with guys that had fancy cars, but that’s never been my thing. I have always had a totally different outlook due to my upbringing. Most guys I dated in my younger years were starting out in their careers, so having a fancy car when you’re trying to pay off grad school loans or buy your first little house was not the top priority. We were on the same page with that. Those women I spoke of earlier with the small wedding rings understood that. It would be very apparent to me if a guy had no ambition and that beat up truck was the end of the road for him.

disco

October 3rd, 2013
10:39 am

I dated a grown azz man who drove a little kia sephia. a little beat up kia sephia. granted, I did offer to drive more than I generally offer to drive. lol.

Hazel

October 3rd, 2013
10:40 am

look at Nene Leaks on TV. You know she bought herself that ring. : )

2CPTG©

October 3rd, 2013
10:44 am

Cutie/kimmie; I’m with y’all, it’s a balancing act……and I’ve come to learn, the ones who don’t have to show their money, are the ones that are comfortable enough within themselves to not give a damn……shoot, cause if I see a nice looking young lady, I’mma holla regardless of what I’m driving at that particular moment…..

kimmie

October 3rd, 2013
10:44 am

Hazel – My dad was a physician and still a resident when he & my mom got married. She used to tell me about the car they shared and little apartment.

kimmie

October 3rd, 2013
10:45 am

the ones who don’t have to show their money, are the ones that are comfortable enough within themselves to not give a damn

2C – Amen!!

Leggs

October 3rd, 2013
10:48 am

disco ~ ummm, is that your way of saying it’s taking me forever to finish this book (lol).

2CPTG©

October 3rd, 2013
10:53 am

Leggs…..was he/she guilty?

Hazel

October 3rd, 2013
10:53 am

kimmie-aww, how sweet. Those relationships last longer, as they are based on real love. : ) And I learn what you said from my husband everyday.. about being comfortable in who you are not worry about the society. He keeps me straight