accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Parents ruin marriage for you?

I had a date with a guy recently that was going pretty well. Somehow we got on the subject of family and he asked me if my parents ever married and if so, were they still married. I told him yes, they just celebrated 47 years of marriage! He told me that I should have a really great perspective on married life because of them.

Unfortunately, he did not have the same experience. He said that his Father never married his mother and could never commit to one woman. He wondered all the time if he was just like his Dad since he has not married yet. He also seemed to worry that his view on marriage would always be distorted. His mother married a couple of times but he never got to see a healthy marriage.

Do you believe that our parents impact our views on relationships and marriage? If you never got to grow up in a home with your parents together, how do you think that shapes your view about marriage?

What if you did grow up in a house with parents who were married but they were miserable?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

230 comments Add your comment

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
8:09 am

First!!

I think how we are reared definitely impacts how we see things and how we live. Either you want to mimick and follow suite, or because of what you saw or experienced, you want to take it in a totally different direction….IMO

Diva, you go girl, your parents being married 47 years. My moms and pops were married 54 yrs, 8 mos…until he departed this life :) :) Anyhoo, I think dude is leaning on what his pops did as an excuse. If anything, he can easily say I won’t be like my dad. I’m going to settle down and do what he could never seem to do. Just my take.

I definitely hold with the standard my dad set. What I saw in him, how he took care of home, loved and put his kids first, loved my mom to his very core, came home every night, didn’t run around, didn’t spend his money on other women….I believe every man can’t do that, but for the ones I deal with, this kind of standard and living on principles are a must!!

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
8:10 am

My parents were married, but my father was physically abusive so my mom divorced him when I was about 4. That gave me a very clear picture that a man should NOT be hitting on a woman and that’s still something that I hold to today.

I am a big believer in marriage, because I was still fortunate enough to see other happily married couples who were making it work and ENJOYED being married. My grandparents were married for over 40 years until my grandfather died. I asked my grandma would she marry again and her response to me was no, she already married the man she loved.

I look at it like this, each person is an individual and allowed to form their own opinions about anything, including marriage. If an adult blames their parents as to why they aren’t married, I’m calling them out on using an EXCUSE!!! Seriously, if what your parents did is affecting you that much, you should really seek therapy and stop blaming them on your negative views on marriage. Expand your horizons and STOP looking at NEGATIVE marriages as your rule of thumb on how marriages should go. If anything, use that as what NOT to do in your own marriage.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
8:12 am

Hi Celisea! I agree, you definitely have to set a standard and uphold it. It’s too many folks going for and dealing with anything, SMH!!!

SlimNu

October 2nd, 2013
8:26 am

Good responses so far…I rest my case :lol:

YesSheIsCute

October 2nd, 2013
8:36 am

Good morning everyone! Yes I think that it does affect you. We are a product of our environment. My dad is a philanderer and my mother is on husband number 4 with a sidepiece. That’s not the type of lifestyle I would like to lead. I don’t want to identify with the serial dating issues they seem to have.

But then I am 30 with no husband, no boyfriend, no kids (except for my foreign exchange daughter). So maybe there is something to it.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
8:50 am

Miss Moni – very well said!

Good morning!

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
9:08 am

Morning all!

Well, my parents were divorced around my second birthday. I don’t remember him being around. He was one of those father’s that felt that he was not obligated to provide for his children. Perhaps that’s why I place such a high value on my family and my responsibilities as a husband and father. My grandfather had a major hand in my upbringing as well.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
9:15 am

My father was a worthless, good for nuthin, three timing, dirty, low down, stankin, womanizing, cheatin, lying, whiskey drankin, wine drankin, drunk, intoxicated, high, skirt chasin, irresponsible, unreliable, untrustworthy, bald headed, thieving, puzzy eatin, first class-premeditated-first degree-dumbazz hooligan. Didn’t effect me in the least.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
9:18 am

Reio – I’m feeling the love you have for your dad.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
9:19 am

morning…..

I grew up in a two parent household, but my ex didn’t……and her Mother ruined her marriage!!!

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
9:20 am

Thanks Button! SN: I really have a taste for some pancakes. . .

kimmie

October 2nd, 2013
9:20 am

Morning All!! Blogging from home, taking a mental day!!!

My parents were married for about 35 years until my mother passed. It was my dad’s 2nd marriage. He lost his first wife to cancer also. I would say my parents marriage was not perfect, they had their issues like most people. There was nothing there that would turn me or my siblings off from marriage though. I liked that they seemed to have a strong partnership. They set an example for us in the life they led. They were both good people. We had other relatives and friends that were in long, and from the outside looking in, successful marriages. My mom always told me you don’t know what’s going on with other people behind their closed doors. She also was very practical when she talked to me about men and relationships and marriage. She never made it out to be this fairy tale. She did always say that if the 2 of you did not get along or had issues while dating, getting married was not going to make things better. I remember one time going to see this dude I was dating long distance. Things did not go well and I came home teary and depressed. My mom told me I was young and beautiful and educated. She said this should be the best time of our lives, we should have been enjoying ourselves and having fun during the courtship phase. If me, and dude were that miserable, maybe we should go our seperate ways. She also said he should have welcomed me with open arms, and not brought the drama that he did. I thought about it and she was right. Lesson was, while everything is not alway gonna be a bed of roses, it definitely should be more good times than bad. She never pressed me about getting married and having a big wedding and all. Her biggest thing was that I chose right, that I found someone that was not only good to me, but someone I could be good to. Someone I not only loved, but LIKED, she emphasized. If you can’t find that, she preferred I stay single. I think she would be very happy with my choice. :)

Hazel

October 2nd, 2013
9:22 am

Yes it does make a difference in how you date. I always looked for something who has similar qualities that of my father ( good qualities), and I did find someone who is almost exactly like my father. I just hope that it stays that way and I don’t see any negative qualities in my husband, that my dad has. I haven’t in the past 6+ years, so far.
@YesSheIsCute , you are very young, and seem to have it together. So why would you say ,what you did? just curious
@MissMoni- I love your positivity. Thats what we need more of on this blog.. uplift, not bring down

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
9:23 am

Awwww Kimmie, your mom gave you some AWESOME advice. Love it!!!

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
9:24 am

Thanks Hazel! :-)

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
9:26 am

Kimmie – Bless your mom. Apparently a truly wonderful woman. She did well. Very well. She IS “very happy with my choice.” And so am I. Indeed.

SlimNu

October 2nd, 2013
9:28 am

Let’s see, my parents were married for about 11 years. So i was young but still old enough to know that things were no longer going to be the same. They are both re-married…on their longest marriages of them all which is #4 for both. My dad has a weird marriage so I cannot even begin to describe it…and my mom’s marriage seems to be just aight. But i know that I do not want to mimick my marriage, if I ever get married, behind either one of theirs. There are things that I would take from them as what to do and what NOT to do. One thing I do know is that my dad has always and will always continue to have a deep love for my mom. He’s openly admitted to his responsibility in the demise of their marriage.

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
9:32 am

Morning All!

My parents were married for more than 30 years until my dad passed. My dad took care of home in making sure we ate (most of the time) but he also took care of her home and her home and her home- you get the point.
I believe that our parents’ marriage or lack thereof can have an effect on us, whether we emulate what we’ve seen or are determined that we do not want to live like that (if it was dysfunctional). I believe that is why I stayed in my marriage as long as I did- because despite what my dad did, my mother was committed to her family and his behavior did not sway her beliefs or her commitment. I held the same standard. However, at some point, I saw that the standard was not necessarily a good one and that I was not a failure by letting go of my marriage; after all, my spouse had let go long before then. I had to change my way of thinking and realize that yes you should try, try again but don’t be a damn fool about it.

kimmie

October 2nd, 2013
9:33 am

I dated a guy in college whose parents seemed to have a decent marriage – until his dad produced a kid outside the marriage. Needless to say, that really put a damper on things and they fought all the time. The dad supposedly broke it off with the sidepiece, but wanted to be there and provide for his kid, which he should have. Every time he had to contact the sidepiece, wife would get upset. The guy said his grandfather had done the same to his grandmother too. He was worried he was going to turn out to be the same.

It’s kinda like people who were abused or saw a parent get abused. Some vow they will never be that way, but others turn out exactly like their parents. It’s what they are used to seeing and think it’s normal. They seem to be programmed to think that way. I never understood it, but it’s one of those mysteries of human behavior. It can be the same with some folks when it comes to marriages. I don’t always think it’s an excuse or crutch. They just have to make a decision that things will be different for them and make the effort to change the cycle. If they don’t, then they must like the lifestyle they have chosen.

kimmie

October 2nd, 2013
9:35 am

Thanks folks, I miss my mom!!

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
9:35 am

The fact that my parent’s marriage ended shortly after I was born may have proven beneficial to me, since he was not around for me to see the foolishness and the filthy, and unclean things he said and did to my mother.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
9:39 am

………”yes you should try, try again but don’t be a damn fool about it.”

Truer words have never been spoken.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
9:47 am

My father would get paid on Friday’s(according to mom), come home, shower, shave, sh!t, and leave very little money(if any) on the table. Oh, by the way, when he came home on payday, he would always have one of his b!tches in the car waiting. Sometimes two b!tches.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
9:50 am

Sunday night was always the second most anticipated day and time of the week for us. You know why? Because that meant, that Monday morning was just an overnight’s sleep away, and then, we could get up go to school and get something to eat. It’s the truth.

kimmie

October 2nd, 2013
9:50 am

The fact that my parent’s marriage ended shortly after I was born may have proven beneficial to me

Reio – Staying together for the kids is not always a good thing!

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
9:51 am

Thanks folks, I miss my mom!!

I joined this club 01/17/06……some days it’s still hard to process….so kimmie I feel ya.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
9:52 am

good morning. here we go. everything we do is because of what our parents did or did not do – NOT. I’m fond of saying “kids don’t take after strangers” but I also know that kids aren’t clones. folks do what they do and become who they are not only because of but also in spite of. decisions and choices made by grown folks are decisions and choices made by grown folks. if you grown and still walking around blaming your parents for something you have bigger issues.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
9:55 am

My parents divorced when I was young, both remarried, I followed the same path they did. Some days I don’t think I want to even do this, it’s too much, marriage and divorce, but I pull myself up and shake off those bad thoughts that run thru my head. I don’t want to get another divorce, I don’t want to bury another husband. Some day’s I just want to be single and other days I’m going thru the motions of planning a wedding. It’s so much to go thru.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
9:55 am

reio – after your first post I thought briefly. what? reio didn’t rip into his pops? but then I kept reading. oh well.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
9:59 am

reio – re 9:47. pops was a bad man. lol.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
10:05 am

-Disco You’re ON it, I suggested in an earlier post that if their parent issues have that much of affect then they should really seek therapy.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
10:06 am

moni – I saw that. I just typed mine before I read any of the posts. had I read yours I would have just co-signed. I get sick of all that blame the parents mess. you might be able to fault them when you are 5 or 15 but when you are 25 and 45 you need to get some business.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
10:08 am

-Disco EXACTLY! Some folks like to make excuses and blame others in an effort to not take responsibility for their own actions.

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
10:15 am

Disco- That is true. I believe that children learn how to handle certain things from their parents and their childhood. However, you are correct- at some point you have to be a grown up and stop blaming your parents for your dysfunction. If you are 35 and still complaining that your parents didn’t hug you enough, learn to hug yourself. Get some therapy and conquer those inner demons because they will F you up for good. No one wants to deal with your childhood issues when you are in your 20’s, 30’s 40’s, etc. At some point, you grow up beyond your childhood.
My son reminded me that I went out of town for 3 days when he was 2. I was like really? Okay, that was the most I was away from you your entire childhood- get over it!!!

Button

October 2nd, 2013
10:20 am

Kimmie – Staying together for the kids is not always a good thing — I would like to add that staying married bc you don’t want another divorce is not always a good thing.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
10:23 am

My mother used to tell my younger brother and I “The only reason you two are here, is cause the screen door was unhooked.” I’ll explain.

Years ago, in front of the back and front doors of a house, there was a screen door. Especially useful during the summer(no air conditioning) to let cooler air in, but keep bugs, flies, and mosquitoes out.

Well, according to mom, a Friday(dad’s payday) rolled around. Dad came home and pulled his usual(9:47 post)Sh!t. They had an argument. As he was leaving, after deciding to leave her no money, she ran to the kitchen to get a butcher’s knife to stab him with. He saw her and began to run. So, she threw it at him. He pushed the unhooked screen door open, ran to the car, and got away. According to mom, had he required another split second to unhook that screen door, he would have died right there, cause the butcher’s knife went through the screen with such force, that it lodged in one of those wooden columns on the front porch, and had to be pried loose, cause it was so deeply imbedded in the wood. This event occurred before my brother and I were conceived. We are the two youngest of the children.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
10:35 am

-Button I know a couple who got married because she was pregnant. Fast forward when the child is 18 and then he wants to part ways (divorce), mind you he’s been cheating throughout the duration of the marriage. She stayed because she claimed she didn’t want another woman benefiting from her husband. They’ve been married 35 years, but I can honestly say I don’t want that kind of marriage either.

YesSheIsCute

October 2nd, 2013
10:40 am

@HazelI feel like their unnecessary dramas and foolishness have affected me in that I’ve learned from them what not to do, what doesn’t work…and have had to figure what does works on my own. I like to think I’m more mature in the way that I see the mechanics and nuances of a functional relationship and that I can make better decisions and not be a serial dater but then I’m not in a relationship so I guess I can’t really say I’m doing so much better than they are can I?

@Msatl you would be surprised the stuff kids do remember

disco

October 2nd, 2013
10:41 am

atl – when he was 2??? who told him? he surely doesn’t remember. lol.

reio – I hope your mom knows that screen door isn’t the ONLY reason y’all are here. lol.

Kimmie

October 2nd, 2013
10:50 am

Disco – I so feel ya, about blaming the parents. Thats why I said either u reject the example & decide to lead a different life or u like the way u have chosen to live. At a point, society dont care that u never got hugged as a child!!lol!!

2C – It has been since 9/10/96 & sometimes it feels like yesterday!

Button – I agree re 10:20.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
10:51 am

I thank God that my father’s tomfoolery and hooliganism had no adverse effect on me. I will say this, however, that after meeting him, after not having seen him since I was two, during my adolescent/teenage years, I realized, rather quickly, that everything bad my mom said about him was true. And the words that I choose to use, to describe him, is a vain attempt, on my part, to be kind and accurate. The bad things aside however, I would have to say that he was quite bright, articulate, perceptive, and extremely quick witted. Huge vocabulary. Well spoken. In addition to being worth less than the grape bubblegum stuck on the bottom of my left shoe.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
10:52 am

I can only remember as far back as 4, and specifically an event. The school my sibs attended (and mom worked at) was taking pictures. I had on a soft pink dress. I remember stepping on a crate for the photographer, but that’s about all I can really remember. I think around the age of 5 is about the time I can look back and recall stuff.

Remembering from 2 is….wow!! Fantab!

Button

October 2nd, 2013
10:53 am

MsAtl – not surprising at all. Many folks stay in dead end marriage for one reason or another. I know my dad did/is, he said that’s the only reason he’ hasn’t given in bc he doesn’t want another divorce.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
10:54 am

disco – But, of course. Yes. She was young, naïve, and impressionable. Said that she loved him and wanted it to work. She had already had three girls by him,and felt they needed him as well.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
11:01 am

O/T: I feel like Kimmie and the singing coworker that just works her dern nerves…lol I listening to Jekyll/Hyde right now. Just crazy and retarded. How stupid is it to try and be several folks all at once??? Remember the chick I mentioned last week?

Just uuugh, I want to tell her shut the hell up!!! LOLOLOL But, Imma be a good listener and just nod :)

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
11:01 am

Yes/Disco/Celisea- I suspect that his dad kept that “memory” going. As a rule, I didn’t leave my children. However, when they were 2, 10 & 11, I went with my girlfriend to Alabama to visit her family and take in the civil rights sites. When I returned, the house was clean and the kids were sitting on the sofa, hands folded. Afterward, whenever I said I was going to Walmart, they would all jump up behind me. I later learned that their dad had told them I said I was going to Walmart, (but I was gone for 3 days). They still remind me of the time I went to Walmart and ran away and nothing I have told them can convince them otherwise.
This, I don’t think my son “remembers”, but rather he remembers his dad harping on it. I had been the primary parent and was at first a stay at home mom while dad pretty much got off the hook.

Durty Burd

October 2nd, 2013
11:03 am

Good Morning!

My parents did not marry and it did not affect my view on marriage. I formed my opinions on marriage based upon seeing my relatives having long, strong and content marriages. My problem is these darn women they simply will not leave me alone…j/k…

Kimmie actually made a great statement (unbelieveable) you have to find someone whom you actually like and have some like minded thoughts, ideas and beliefs. I have choosen the opposite too many times, now I seek one who is similiar to me beliefs, ideas and thoughts.

Hazel…MissMoni is Miss positive she has a great outlook on life… :wink:

PBS…Get educated about the Affordable Care Act it could save you some money because based on your income.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
11:03 am

MsAtl – I suspect that his dad kept that “memory” going

This could very well be….I can see this.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
11:06 am

Interesting…….

Good morning!

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
11:07 am

Celisea- I can see it also. Dad was very manipulative. Even now, he continues to try to manipulate the “kids.”

YesSheIsCute

October 2nd, 2013
11:08 am

@Msatl that is so unbelievably messed up. smh.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
11:11 am

my parents married young and divorced young. they both talk about each other to this day. my father calls my momma evil (but heck, my grandmother – my mother’s mother – called my mother evil). my mother calls my father whatever words pop out of her mouth. thing is, my father is that life of the party guy that everybody loves and my mother is that chick that everybody loves to hate. neither of them ever remarried. go figure.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
11:11 am

MsAtl Even now, he continues to try to manipulate the “kids.”

See, I can’t stand this kind of behavior…and from grown folks at that. How do you have time to try and manipulate the kids? How about rechanneling that energy to be a great parent and grow the heck up?? I can’t stand vindictive folks…he’ll get his. The very thing he’s trying to do will backfire. All you need to do is what you’re doing, being a great parent. Kids grow up and they learn and they know.

Durty Burd

October 2nd, 2013
11:13 am

MsAtl….There has to be a movie or book written about your marriage, we will call it the real deal Huxtables…

Reio you are so good with words,when are you going to write a book?

YSIC…Have patience it takes time to find the right one, just make sure you are preparing yourself like MissMoni is…she is ready!

MissMoni..When you get married how would you handle the bills? Do you want your husband to deposit his check into one account? Are you going to pay the bills seperately? How would you propose how the money is handled in your marriage?

Anyone can shared the thoughts..

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
11:13 am

Can’t really get a read on my siblings marriages and how our parents marriage effected them. Each of my three older sisters, and my younger brother have been married and divorced three times. For me, it’s just this one. Go figure.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
11:13 am

manipulation or no manipulation, the average person (adult and child) knows what side their bread is buttered on. lol.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
11:15 am

And that’s why I said, kids grow up and they know…they know who cared for and took care of them. All the manipulation in the world won’t work when they come into understanding.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
11:16 am

DB – my thoughts on marriage/money/bills is that we determine an amount/percentage based on income to contribute to household expenses/family savings/miscellaneous. we each will also continue to have individual money. OR at least I will continue to have individual money. he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to. lol.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
11:20 am

Hi Durty! I intend to discuss with my future husband how we will handle the bills. It will be a decision that both of us agree upon. I’m not delinquent on any bills now as a single mother and I don’t intend to be delinquent on any as a married woman. :-)

I know a couple where the wife has HORRIBLE spending habits and although she is in charge of paying the utilities while her husband pays the rent, she fails to do so on time. They get LATE fees EVERY month for the light bill and she’s delinquent on her car note & car taxes among other things. They did NOT discuss money before they got married and now he’s working 2 jobs to make up for her slack. The thing is, the more money he makes, the more she spends. Oh and WHAT does she spend her money on: clothes, purses & outings with her friends.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
11:21 am

Durty – “Reio you are so good with words,when are you going to write a book?”

Don’t know if you mean this, or, just being facetious. But I’ve been told, over the years, that I should sit down and write a novel or short stories, and that I could probably do well. I don’t know. Fairly content doing what I’m doing now. Perhaps when I retire or sumthin. No idea.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
11:29 am

-Disco I’ve heard from married couples that it’s best to have 1 joint account for bills and then have seperate accounts for spending/saving money.

YesSheIsCute

October 2nd, 2013
11:29 am

Reio it seems like the finer stronger points you inherited. It’s refreshing to see you are completely different character-wise from him

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
11:30 am

MsAtl…who has custody of ur kids?

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
11:31 am

Hello all,

So grown folks want to blame all THEIR life’s relationship problems on their problems parents. Grow up and get a life of your own.

Durty to old and set in my ways to start trying to share now, and probably will marry someone same way, so won’t be sharing any accounts.

Hey Disco, “welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!”

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
11:31 am

Disco I’ve heard from married couples that it’s best to have 1 joint accoun

@MsMoni!..there is no “best” nothing….

u do what suits u and ur situation.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
11:32 am

moni – that’s how I would do it. you see I said “family savings”. we’d each still have personal savings. OR at least I would. lol. I know some take that “become one” to the level that nothing should be separate including money but I’m not on that team.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
11:33 am

hey single!!!!

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
11:34 am

MsATL 2 years old, ask him what were you wearing (LOL)

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
11:40 am

-Ex There is a best for your situation. That’s what I meant, do what works best for your marriage.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
11:40 am

disco – @11:16 right on! my thoughts to the exact!

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
11:42 am

YSIC – Well, my mother’s father had a great deal to do with my character and outlook on life. As I think about it, everything my father was not, my grandfather was, and everything my father was, my grandfather was not. My father was a cheap, inexpensive, disease carrying….two-legged hyena. My grandfather was kind, loving, gentle, hard-working, and reliable. My father was, again, very smart, bright, articulate, well spoken, huge vocabulary…..My grandfather had a third grade education; But, the smartest man I ever knew.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
11:43 am

-Disco The way you described is actually somewhat of what Steve Harvey suggested. 6 accounts: 1 joint for bills, 1 joint for savings, 1 for wife’s savings, 1 for wife’s spending, 1 for husband’s savings, 1 for husband’s spending.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
11:53 am

Miss Moni – whew that’s a lot of accounts! we decided to do 2 accounts outside of our own we already have established. one account for the house and the other account for savings.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
11:54 am

Miss Moni – I guess that would work better for young married couples that’s just starting out, but for older folk like me, it won’t work.

Durty Burd

October 2nd, 2013
11:54 am

MissMoni..Now that Steve has made some money dude is starting to make some really stupid suggestions…If something happened to someone without their names on those accounts the banks get to keep that money!

How many folks on here have good thru estate planning?

Also ladies would you marry someone who does not make as much money as you do? MissMoni, YSIC, Leggs, Celisea, YSIC, SlimNu, Sassy, BluzGirl, ITL, Button, Disco, and Lee… Did I miss anyone?

Bluzgirl

October 2nd, 2013
11:56 am

Hello all!

My parents are about to celebrate their 40th anniversary. They definitely have their issues, like everyone, but in the end, they are still together and still love each other. I strive to have a relationship similar to theirs. I recognize that I am one of few in my age range to have parents who are still together. Now, if you ask my brother, he thinks my parents have a horrible marriage and blah, blah, blah. It’s like he grew up in a totally different house than I did. He’s been married and divorced and still blames my parents for how he is with relationships. He tries to tell me to blame my parents for my relationship issues. I don’t blame anyone but myself!

If you’re still blaming your parents after 30, you definitely need therapy!!!

disco

October 2nd, 2013
11:56 am

reio – did you ever ask your mother what it is that she loved about your father? he can’t possibly have been all bad.

moni – later for steve Harvey. lol.

Bluzgirl

October 2nd, 2013
11:57 am

Durty – As you all know, I’m good at picking broke men! LOL! Seriously, though, it’s not all about the money for me. I have learned a lesson from my past relationships and will not be with another man who can’t fend for himself, but if he makes less money than I do, I won’t hold that against him.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
11:59 am

durty – that’s a depends question. if dude makes (a tiny little bit) less than me but he gets to keep all of his money maybe I can get with that. however, if he makes more than me BUT he’s paying alimony, child support, insurance premiums, tuition, etc. for other folks and his bring home money is less, I probably won’t be able to do it.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
12:02 pm

Durty – I would. It’s not the money, it’s the man that makes the money :mrgreen:

Durty Burd

October 2nd, 2013
12:03 pm

Disco no one breaks it down like you, real issues that need to be taken into consideration. Don’t get married then start complaining I did not know he had all those support payments…hehehehehe!

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
12:03 pm

(a tiny little bit) roflmao

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
12:05 pm

Whoa! I step into a meeting and miss a whole page…

Durty- You are so on point! However, to the extent that I have children and he is still their father, I do not wish to put all of the sordid details in a book where they will be forever.

Celisea/Exiled- No one has custody. The youngest is 19 and the others are in their 20’s. I had custody of the youngest. He tries to manipulate them with money. He bought our daughter a car to entice her to provide information about me. He would also buy our youngest video games to entice him to provide information since he lived in the home and he tried to get our youngest to install spyware (which he refused to do). I felt like I had to lock up my electronics and my bedroom in my own home. The youngest has admitted that he provided information because he is afraid of his dad.
As recent as last week, I had to tell my oldest son to stay out of it because his dad is trying to use him to get me to help him regain his license by telling the kids that he could help them financially if he had his license.
Dude- You had inappropriate relations with several patients and at least 2 kids by one of them. You don’t EVER need another license!

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
12:07 pm

-Button Well if you added 2 accounts to the ones you already had established, that’s not really that far from 6 is it??? :-)

-Disco You nailed it, if his outgoing money is MORE than what he’s actually making then he really isn’t bringing any money to OUR table. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

-Durty To answer your question, I’ve been there done that with dating a man who makes less than me and I want to try something NEW and date a man who makes MORE than me, LOL! True story!!! :-D

disco

October 2nd, 2013
12:07 pm

single – laugh but you know I meant that. in one of Langston hughes’ simple books, simple’s woman told him to “take over or take off”. that’s the truth right there. lol.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
12:07 pm

MsAtl – WOW…this is why I cut ties when I did. It may have seemed cruel to his boys and his folks at the time, but early on all that foolishness just meant a lifetime of me dealing with it. And y’all my mantra…I don’t do foolishness. I’ll cut ties with the quickness!!!

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
12:08 pm

Durty- I would not have an issue marrying someone who makes less money than me. I would look at the man more so than the money. Now, I would have an issue if he made NO money! Speaking of which, the new wife is complaining that she has to pay me the support payments that the ex did not make when he should have because the ex is not working. As far as I am concerned, she wouldn’t be making the payments if he made them when he was supposed to instead of spending the money on her. Make him get a job!

disco

October 2nd, 2013
12:09 pm

oh. and a brother can’t just make money. I can’t get with the man who has money but acts like he’s scared to spend it. that’s what money is for. ijs. (btw, no one needs to chime in with balance and saving and fiscal responsibility and all that. I get it but that’s not my point with this one).

YesSheIsCute

October 2nd, 2013
12:09 pm

@DB I would marry someone who does not make as much money as me. So long as he has an honest job and is what I need in a life partner I will. I won’t marry someone who is unemployed is what I won’t do. Damn what he makes.

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
12:12 pm

yes Disco, I know you meant it (LOL) and ain’t nothing wrong with that.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
12:17 pm

I won’t marry someone who is unemployed is what I won’t do. Damn what he makes

I know that’s right!!! Legal, on the table, hitting a clock or something. Don’t be coming home with a bundle and you can’t provide me a trail, some man hours, etc etc etc.

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
12:19 pm

Celisea- Oh yes! You need to have some sort of chain of evidence for that cash, lol. You can be a pharmacist but not a street pharmacist.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
12:22 pm

MsAtl – Okaaaay, that is too funny…street pharmacist….lol Mmm hmm, that kind of set up can come and go (and be gone a looong time) with the quickness. I likes (yes likes) my stuff and my boo’s stuff legal, on the up and up, on the forefront…

disco

October 2nd, 2013
12:24 pm

so – no in betweens – who do you marry? unemployed dude or street pharmacist dude? I suppose theoretically unemployed dude can get a job and street pharmacist dude can go straight but on the day you say “I do” which one would it be? me? I’m going with street pharmacist. like erykah badu said “work ain’t honest but it pays the bills”. I’ll be darned if I’m paying them by my daggone self. lol.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
12:27 pm

O/T (and just uuuughh): I’m taking the last required course and danggit, I’m just on segment/chapter 2 and I’ve been reading the last 1.5 hours. Everyone was saying how hard this one is…by the time I get to the end, I’m not sure I will have retained the first part…lol I probably won’t get through this until about 2:00 :shock:

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
12:29 pm

Disco- No you don’t have me sitting here singing Ms. Badu! Lolol. No ma’am! Street pharmacist ain’t gonna have the Bar looking at me like I’m helping him out. I need my license. Not to mention, when he goes to the hoosegow, I’m supposed to ask myself should I wait? I think we already had that discussion.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
12:29 pm

MsAtl..I kinda feel sorry for u and feel terrible for this dude….he is a piece of sh.y.y.t,based on what u said.

I think u need to go live far away from him..but for ur kids.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
12:29 pm

I’m callin’ bullsh!t……

yeah, it looks and sound good on the blog….but let a dude step to y’all and he’s got his stuff together, you ain’t gon give a damn about where the money is coming from…cause a real kingpin ain’t gon be on the streets, he’s gon be insulated from that…..so miss me with the nonsense.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
12:33 pm

It ain’t the money, it’s the man that makes the money. I think Imma have some highschool woodshop class engrave that for me :mrgreen:

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
12:36 pm

2C- If he got his stuff together, where his money is coming from is not an issue because it would be legal (as far as I am concerned).

Exiled- Don’t feel sorry for me. It is what it is. I have made my peace and am happy where I am in my life. He doesn’t live in Georgia any longer and at some point, maybe he will let go of his hatred and find his peace also.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
12:46 pm

MsAtl, the dudes some of y’all referring to are the low level sack pushers…..of course who wants to be associated with those kind….but the real big boys of the game ain’t on the corner….the majority of ‘em are night club owners, strip club owners, or something of the sort….and if he’s really on top of it, he ain’t gon tell you!

YesSheIsCute

October 2nd, 2013
12:51 pm

@2C I cannot allow myself to be susceptible to negative energy/karma because he doesn’t have honest work. It sounds nice but it’s not that serious. I’ve been alone for awhile now…I’ve been doing it on my own since 18. I’m still here so I must be doing ok.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
12:56 pm

Cutie….what if you don’t know??? say you meet a nice, well dressed guy, and from all appearances he looks like he’s on the up and up…..has his own business, and all the trappings of a successful business man….how do you decipher?

disco

October 2nd, 2013
12:57 pm

2C – you setting it up ain’t you? lol. I always said I’d make a great mafia wife. lol.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
12:58 pm

2C – as for how you decipher – that’s a matter of game recognize game. one can be naïve and really not see it OR one can be in denial and pretend not to see it OR one can peep it and just play dumb about it and keep her mouth shut.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
1:00 pm

disco, all I’m saying is that if you don’t know, you don’t know……hell, I think Willie D mentioned it yesterday about the crooks in corp america…..you think they gon’ tell their wives they cheated the pension fnd outta x amount of dollars? You think Bernie Madoff’s wife knew about all of his shenanigans?

Button

October 2nd, 2013
1:04 pm

Mis Moni – close, but not six, actually 4.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
1:19 pm

Durty – I would not marry a man making less money than I do. I’m not all about money either. I’m about attaining weath, heck that’s one of the main reason to marry. Not only does he have to make more money but he has to be finanically invested in his retirement and have an investment portfolio to back it up. When I/we retire I don’t want us to struggle. Relying soley on SS, I want to enjoy my/our retirement in the comfort of a nice nest egg we both stacked.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
1:22 pm

-Button I gotcha, LOL! :-)

Button

October 2nd, 2013
1:41 pm

Miss Moni- plus all those bank fees does add up. Wasteful spending.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
1:45 pm

I’m tickled…I have a dress just like the weather lady on the weather channel. :lol: :lol:

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
1:55 pm

-Button It depends on who you’re banking with. I don’t have monthly bank fees at my bank. :-)

Button

October 2nd, 2013
2:02 pm

Miss Moni – Which bank is that? I do and I don’t like it, paying fees to bank even with credit union. Although it’s not a lot but every dollar adds up.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
2:03 pm

-Button It’s USAA Federal Savings Bank. I agree every dollar does add up.

YesSheIsCute

October 2nd, 2013
2:08 pm

2C I wouldn’t know to be honest. If he tells me he’s in construction though, I probably wouldn’t believe him :lol:

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
2:10 pm

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
2:11 pm

I’m about attaining weath, heck that’s one of the main reason to marry.

Button, this is interesting…..so, all things being equal, you find out his check is less than yours, all bets are off?

disco

October 2nd, 2013
2:13 pm

alrighty then. ain’t nothing popping off up in this came today. anyone got any random topics for discussion. any crazy scenarios? anything you’ve been pondering? we can talk food/clothes/shopping/makeup. hell, I’ll even lurk while y’all talk football and reality tv. lol.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
2:17 pm

disco – ” did you ever ask your mother what it is that she loved about your father? he can’t possibly have been all bad.”

No. Never did. Guess I never really gave a damn. I would imagine that during the dating phase, he displayed, what was more than likely, a keen sense of awareness, high intelligence, and vocabulary. Probably threw a few kind words her way. I suppose she was smitten and thought he was different from the rest. If that’s the case, she was wrong. Regretting her choice forever after.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
2:19 pm

OMG, OMG, OMG….I MADE 100 on the assessment!!!

I was holding my breath when I hit submit… :)

Button

October 2nd, 2013
2:19 pm

2c – it’s called knowing who you marry. I wouldn’t marry a man based on his word about what he has and nor should he marry me based on that either. Have you ever been married?

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
2:19 pm

Even after his terminal diagnosis, some years ago, he was still the dirt bag we all knew him to be.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
2:20 pm

reio – I had to ask. after all, you aren’t an only child. plus, I was brought up on “even a broken clock is right twice a day”. I just can’t imagine that he’s all bad. shrugs.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
2:20 pm

Alright Disco, what did you have for lunch?

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
2:21 pm

I need a drank now…lol

Reio – Still talking about pops, the D-bag?

Button

October 2nd, 2013
2:21 pm

disoo- lol you sound like my neice always wanting to go/do something but want someone else to do all the planning :lol:

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
2:21 pm

yes, Button, I have….and in hindsight, it was the dumbest move I could have ever made in my life……we dated (off and on) for 10 years, and stay married for one!!!

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
2:25 pm

Button..u got a man?

…it should be a lil harder for u to get a man based on your standards unless if u really fly on the outside…at least. :lol:

@disco..,yes,nothing is popping in here..

How bout u give us a run down of the hiccup u faced a couple of weeks ago when u went AWOL..so we can use it as a teachable moment? :lol:

..so much to decipher there.,

??

disco

October 2nd, 2013
2:25 pm

moni – what did I have for lunch? an attitude because all of the no-job having people I was calling weren’t available. they know I be feeling some kind of way. like their life’s purpose is to be there to talk to me on my lunch hour. lol.

button – I just didn’t want to start monopolizing plus I wasn’t sure if anyone was here. in real life, I am the planner.

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
2:25 pm

Celisea- Congrats!

Reio- My son asked me what took me so long to leave his dad “because everyone knew he was an arrogant @$$.” His words, not mine.

Disco- NY & Co has suits on sale and you can pair a coupon. I picked up a plum suit for @ $55.00.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
2:28 pm

401k and an investment portfolio

gal u in another league.. :lol:

disco

October 2nd, 2013
2:28 pm

ex – I met the prettiest little girl (young lady) from the congo region recently. I was about to go into matchmaker mode. my son dated a Sudanese girl that I thought was okay but this congo chick was beautiful.

atl – good looking out. I was just on their website last night putting stuff in my shopping cart (mostly yoga stuff). I’ll let it sit in the cart until the balance is enough to use a coupon. I’ll re-visit tonight.

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
2:32 pm

MsAtl – Thanks, hon!! Somethings I’ve done in the past and having job knowledge was a BIG help….collateralization, etc etc etc

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
2:33 pm

-Disco You know I’m cracking up at your response to my lunch question. Now you’re gonna be extra cranky because you didn’t eat, LOL!

disco

October 2nd, 2013
2:36 pm

moni – I ate but it was just something I packed. I was in a “run my mouth” kind of mood and those busters deprived me of my joy.

for instance, a friend of mine recently was going on and on and feeling quite proud of herself for getting the new iphone. meanwhile I’ve been trying to call her for days and can’t get her. apparently iphone and cricket customers don’t mix. ijs.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
2:37 pm

MsAtl…u a lil over 40?

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
2:39 pm

-Disco Now that’s FUNNY. So she has the new iphone but can’t talk to you on it. Personally, I’m not a fan of the iphone. I’m more of a Samsung Galaxy person, don’t see why I should pay all that money for an iphone when I can get another phone that does just as much & more for a lesser price.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
2:39 pm

Disco..maybe u can matchmake that Congolese girl with ur boy.

I am sure she needs the green card! :lol:

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
2:40 pm

Exiled- Yes, I am over 40.

Disco- the coupon codes are- 4483 for $30 off $100; 4482 for $20 off $75 & 4481 for $15 off $50.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
2:42 pm

what’s the hype with the iphones? I will rock my phone until the numbers fall off then I’ll go for the no contract phone. Save some $$. I may even go back to the flip phone. My nephew has an iphone and he’s having so much problems with it.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
2:42 pm

MissMoni…if u can’t afford the IPhone just say so? :lol:

Why All that validation for the samsung if that is what u want.

I want an IPhone and that’s what I got.
No explanation nor diss to another phone to elevate the IPhone! :lol:

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
2:43 pm

Meelo..’that girl is wearing a pretty dress’

MissMoni..’ yeah but her butt is too big!’

:lol:

Bluzgirl

October 2nd, 2013
2:45 pm

I LOVE my iPhone. I’m one who uses it for just about everything, though. Email, FB, internet, phone calls, texts, photos, games. It is worth the money to me because I use it up!

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
2:52 pm

I got a Blackberry for Father’s Day. Still don’t know how to use all the features on it though. It serves my purposes well.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
2:53 pm

-Ex Ha, ha, ha, in the end people get what they like. I was supporting my case as to why I prefer 1 phone over another, not validating just giving supporting evidence. :-D

disco

October 2nd, 2013
2:54 pm

ex – my thing is if you can afford apple then have apple. if you can’t then quit trying to front. my friend was feeling like she came up in the world and now she’s either neglected to pay her bill or has driven more than 10 miles away from home. lol.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
2:54 pm

-Bluzgirl My phone does all that you mentioned. I just never got the fascination of the iphone. My daughter has one, however her father purchased it not me. Oh well, LOL!!!

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
2:57 pm

-Disco/Ex AND why do people stand in line OVERNIGHT to get the newest iphone on the day it comes out??? Is it not the same phone if you order it online or pick it up in the store the next week? LOL!!! Yep, not a fan of standing in long lines, especially overnight.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
2:58 pm

disco….you asked what’s on folks’ mind…..here’s my thoughts….

saving for retirement (yes, this is partly based on Button’s comments)….I can see saving for a rainy day, and all that……but what’s the use of having money when you’re too old to have fun with the money? sorry, but I could care less about being a millionaire in a wheelchair or a retirement home……shiiiid, I’m trynna live now!

Bluzgirl

October 2nd, 2013
3:00 pm

Moni – I started out with the Blackberry, but got sucked into the iPhone eventually. If I had a chance when I switched to check out an Android, I may have gone with that. It was more of a matter of what I saw when I was ready to upgrade and now, it’s what I know! :-)

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:01 pm

@MissMoni..I have never liked the blackberry

@Disco..iPhone is hip..it’s apple.

Ur friend wants to be hip ad well..no fronting there
And a girl can get uppity stuff even if she ain’t got it like that. That’s what boyfriends and chumps are for.

Dontcha agree? :lol: u know that Disco..

Maybe ur friend played a sucker! :lol:

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
3:02 pm

2C- “I could care less about being a millionaire in a wheelchair or a retirement home……shiiiid, I’m trynna live now!” Lol. I hear you. Live now and let Medicare pay your medical bills when you are old?

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
3:04 pm

sorry, but I could care less about being a millionaire in a wheelchair or a retirement home……shiiiid, I’m trynna live now!

I agree…sort of First off you don’t know if you’ll be living that long, thus it will go to your beneficiary. Secondly ain’t but so much whooping it up you can do past a certain age. Lastly, more than likely your caregiver or your kids or your relatives (if they get wind), will blow through it.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:05 pm

MissMoni..now,I ain’t that stupid to stand in line,odd hours in the cold to be first or to get so called deals..thnxgiving etc

One thing I’m not is Cheap and stupid! :lol:

disco

October 2nd, 2013
3:06 pm

ex – I would be all for that if her daggone phone service was working. lol. oh. and this dingbat (she’s my girl and I love her) doesn’t have enough sense to get money. she’s the one letting a dude borrow money and then coming up short on her own rent the next week. she’s the one driving to the beach with a dude in her car but he ain’t even paying gas money. I mentioned we were supposed to go somewhere and she asked if we could go in my car. I blanked on her. you riding some dude around with your mouth closed but can ask to burn out my gas. kick rocks.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
3:13 pm

MsAtl…..kinda….because think about it….by retirement age, what is it, 65, most people’s homes should be paid off, and you’re probably not driving, so there would be no need for a car note; so all you’d have are your residual bills……and I’d like to think, throughout my working years I’d have contributed enough to SS that I’d have a nice lil check comin in…. so yeah, I could make it….

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:13 pm

Social security is gon broke

and a lot of folks are relying on it

2C..being old and broke and waking up to go to work or panhandling/working in publix bagging is miserable also.

Folks are not saving enough.

401k participation is less than 40% of the working population.

That’s why i was laughing at Buttons desire for a man with a 401k and an investment portfolio..

..unless one really digs for that gold! :lol:

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
3:15 pm

2C- I think the age went up to 67. I am trying to enjoy my life while I can. I can’t see myself ziplining 20 plus years from now- might break a hip or something, lol. I still want to live comfortably in later years but realistically could not do everything that I am physically able to do now.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:16 pm

3:13 2C..naw man,save that check :lol;

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:18 pm

Disco..ur friend is a real dingnat!

What city do u live in Disco..
U ain’t gon tell me.. :lol:

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
3:19 pm

Ex, I’m not saying don’t save anything, I’m just saying I’m not the one to live frugally now, just to enjoy a nice retirement later…….as Celie stated, it’s not a given that you’ll even get to retirement….as dude said in Love Jones…..”I want mine now”!!!!

Button

October 2nd, 2013
3:20 pm

2C- 65 is not old! lol

disco

October 2nd, 2013
3:21 pm

ex – she ain’t the only one. I used to try to school her but now I just let her do her thang and shake my head. the other friend who dated the (homeless) guy who lived with his sister and eventually moved him in with her finally got smart and let him go. still, he had a nice, cushy free ride for more than a year. I hope I never get bit by the “man-dumb” bug.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
3:25 pm

no, 65 is not old…….but ye’en bout to sit here and tell me the fun you can have now is same fun you can have at 65! Hell, lord willing I make it to 65, I’m not trynna do nothing but sit down somewhere and chill…..

Button

October 2nd, 2013
3:25 pm

2C- one has to be a fool to rely solely on SS to get by. Every retired person I know is living on SS and their retirement savings.

As far as will you die before retirement so no need to save is silly. That’s why we are so far behind.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
3:28 pm

2C- lol maybe you but if it’s willed I sure as heck won’t! Shoot my dad is 80 and still driving, working in his garden, very active. Stands up straight, no slouch back either. My auntie still struts her stuff in heels! The list goes on and on in my family on both sides.

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
3:29 pm

2C- At 65, while I may not see myself jumping out of an airplane, I’m also not ready for a rocking chair on the porch.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:29 pm

2C…personally I am oblivious to the existence of secial security…I don’t even check on it that much even tho I get annual statements.

It will be nice to add that lil sum sum to my monthly 401k stack when it comes.

I feel so rich..I can put it on Button right now if I show her my portfolio! :lol:

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
3:29 pm

Button….again, I’m not saying don’t save anything….I’m simply saying I don’t believe in living frugally just to have something for retirement…….and real talk, those folks struggling in their twilight years are prolly the ones who are, or were, living above their means in the first place…..

and No, I’m not relying solely on SS…I’m saying I could!

disco

October 2nd, 2013
3:29 pm

button – you’d be surprised what a person can live on. especially a person who doesn’t have a life history of living “high off the hog”. lol. some folks can live good on $1000 a month while others would be suicidal at the prospect.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
3:31 pm

maybe there’s somethings going on in yalls lives as to why yall are so negative about growing old and savings. maybe yall popping pills everyday, high blood pressure, diabetes, some kind of illness.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
3:31 pm

-Ex Never been a Blackberry or Crackberry fan either, LOL!

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:31 pm

Next time I roll to ur city with my boys,I will let u know

I want all that low hanging fruit to entertain us for the weekend! :lol.

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
3:31 pm

401ks are a for sure thing, don’t believe me ask the folks at Enron, and countless other companies that went under! And since it’s not insured, what you gone do??

2C you won’t be driving at 65?? dang man.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
3:31 pm

atl – I’m ready for a rocking chair on the porch now. shoot. with a side table and a pitcher of something. you wouldn’t be able to tell me nothing as I rocked and sipped in the cool breeze. lol.

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
3:32 pm

I mean not a sure thing.

Miss Moni

October 2nd, 2013
3:32 pm

-Disco Speaking of being suidical due to money: Some of these folks on mandatory furlough because of the government shutdown are suspect. You can easily tell the ones who’ve experienced hard times before vs. the ones who’ve always had a silver spoon in their mouth.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
3:33 pm

Ex….let me let you in on a lil secret bruh……my house is paid for right now! I live rent free….property taxes once a year, and that’s it…..my residual bills are roughly around $500 per month…I can pay all of ‘em with one check! so yes, I’m saving, and also living! hell, if it weren’t for a car note, I could damn near pick up cans and pay my bills…..so again, yes, I could live off SS, and ball out!

Button

October 2nd, 2013
3:33 pm

disco – 1000 a month is NOT enough to live on unless you’re getting food stamps and other supplemental income to go a long with it.

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
3:34 pm

Button- I don’t have an issue with growing old and hopefully I will not be sickly when I do. I am just saying I want to live my life now as well as live comfortably later. I don’t think SS will allow anyone to live comfortably when we reach the age where we can even get it (if it still exists). Heck, If I could stock up food and money now for old age, I would (that’s a hell of an expiration date on that milk).

disco

October 2nd, 2013
3:35 pm

button – folks are living on that and less. and not just folks collecting checks. some folks are working and that’s all they can bring home. trust.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:38 pm

Or that was for disco :lol:

Button

October 2nd, 2013
3:39 pm

MsAtl- I as well, but I know to put money away for retirement as well. It’s not rocket science either. Our ppl is so far behind because of the thinking of live for the “now” mentality.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:40 pm

U real good 2C!

Mortgage is the biggest ticket item

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
3:40 pm

I don’t knock anyone for what they do with their money……you wanna be the fly gram’ma with a diamond studded cane, so be it……I’m gettin mine in now.

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
3:41 pm

Button- Oh definitely! I have a retirement fund. I don’t want to have to rely on anyone to take care of me when I get older.

MsAtl

October 2nd, 2013
3:42 pm

2C- Lol. You walk around with a diamond studded cane and you are not a pimp, expect to get robbed!

Button

October 2nd, 2013
3:42 pm

disco – I’m not blind to the fact that folks are living on less. I bet you a million dollars they don’t want to live that way. Unfortunately that’s how things are.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
3:45 pm

Single..

Ucan diversify ur 401k across investment companies as well…
U can invest in IRA with different companies not just investment classes,types or geographies

Nothing in life is guaranteed

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
3:50 pm

Ex, all 401ks are not the same, it depends on the company you work with.

Nothing in life is guaranteed seriously (LOL) had no Idea.

As for me I probably won’t retire until I’m 70 unless it’s for health reasons. no need of retiring if I can’t enjoy the same quality of life I’m enjoying now, not retiring to sit on the porch, and not waiting till I retire to do the things I want to do in life.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
3:52 pm

Nothing in life is guaranteed

nope.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
3:55 pm

once I polled some friends asking how satisfied they were in general with their lives on a scale of 1-10. the unemployed, broke, low income, do nothing types scored way higher than the better educated, more financially secure. i initially wondered if perhaps the “low end” folks are lying but then I accepted that they have accepted their lives. they cool it’s other folks looking down judging them who aren’t cool. you have a lot of the “goal oriented” folks always hustling and striving to get to that next level. worrying about this and worrying about that. dealing with the day in day out hustle and bustle and job related stresses. more money is more problems and more bills. just another perspective.

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
3:55 pm

when I sit down to rest, it’s gon be well deserved……cause I’mma be done partied my ass off, that ain’t gon be no need to do anything else……

disco

October 2nd, 2013
3:56 pm

by that same token, I’ve also discovered that the “low end” females don’t have nearly as many issues with dating or finding folks to date as chicks on the other end of the spectrum. one recently said to me that she had 3 friends. an old head, a young buck and one her own age. lol. the reasoning for this though (imo) is that almost every man is a come up. lol.

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
3:57 pm

There is one guarantee in life, just as sure as you live you’re gonna die!

Button

October 2nd, 2013
3:57 pm

Not sure what retirement means for anyone else but for me retirement is not about retiring from live but from work.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
3:59 pm

disco – so where do you fit in the equation? your poll?

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
4:04 pm

Single..now u don’t have to put All ur money in your company 401k

You can open other accounts(IRA) or Roth IRA with other companies

Now..if ur 401k company fails then atleast u got some cover…with another company.

It can be done if the money is there to invest in the first place

The biggest problem for most is there is not enough to invest even in one 401k,let alone two or more other investment vehicles

disco

October 2nd, 2013
4:04 pm

button – that conversation was easily a year or more ago. who knows what I said on that particular day. lol. just stating what I recall the trend to be. like I say often, I know plenty of broke folks but they are most certainly not sitting around wallowing in misery and self pity. they are doing just fine. they don’t have much but they don’t need or desire much. I guess it all balances out. after all, one of the keys to happiness is being satisfied with what you have which they seem to be.

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
4:04 pm

Button, so many retire, and because they haven’t done anything else but work, they don’t know what to do with their lives.

Disco, most of the time those that have always won’t more, that’s why it’s so easy for the Bernie Madoff’s in the world to take all their money. There was this 80 something man that lost his life savings 4 mil and had to go back to work bagging groceries, what the hell you doing trying to invest at age how much do you need??

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
4:07 pm

ex I only said 401ks because that’s what you guys were talking about.

Reio

October 2nd, 2013
4:17 pm

I’ve seen a ton of people retire around my office. And in the beginning, just after retirement, we would see them coming around saying hi to everybody. But over time they all stop coming around, stop calling, stop showing their faces. Kids are gone, no job to go to, no co-workers to converse with, or talk shop with…. They seem lonely and unsure about their next move. I like what Bobby Bowden (Former Florida State head football coach) said when people used to ask him why he didn’t want to retire. He said “Well, I’ve thought about it. And it sounds good and inviting. But there’s a problem with retirement, and that is; After you retire, there’s only major event left.” Hehehe….

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
4:19 pm

what the hell you doing trying to invest at age how much do you need??

pretty much sums it up for me…..what else will I want, or need? “done, done it all, done, done it all…..”

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
4:24 pm

Reio….yep…..look at ‘ol Joe Paterno…..coached well into his 80’s….forced out, and then died within 6 months.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
4:25 pm

Button

October 2nd, 2013
4:25 pm

there’s the flip side, some ppl want to retire but can’t bc of of health insurance. I had a colleague that wanted to retire but couldn’t for that very same reason, he moaned and groaned all day everyday, He finally left the company.

I can’t live my life based on a few names thrown here and there @their reitrement, I know I want to retire in 15 years so I can live that life! the work free life!

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
4:25 pm

Reio, that’s why a lot go back to work, just to have something to do, not to make ends meet. it’s even worse when their spouse isn’t there.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
4:26 pm

reio – I know a guy that when I ask him about retiring he hems and haws. I really think he goes to work so he doesn’t have to spend time with his wife. lol.

Button

October 2nd, 2013
4:27 pm

Joe Paterno – I thought he died bc of all that stress behind the rape allegation. maybe cancer.

disco

October 2nd, 2013
4:27 pm

button – I want to live the retired life now. it’s called finding a daggone husband who will let a sister stay home. where they hang out at? lol.

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
4:27 pm

Button, are you living the life now that you would like to live when you retire?

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
4:28 pm

Button didn’t make any difference what he died from, it was still 6 months after being forced out.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
4:29 pm

2C..Joe died of guilty consciense

Had he lived he clda gon to jail

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
4:29 pm

Disco, could you really sit home everyday and just blog (LOL)

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
4:31 pm

Ex, I’mma have to disagree with you there, bruh…..I think he did his duty, and reported it to his superiors…what they did after that, is on them…..

disco

October 2nd, 2013
4:31 pm

single – I doubt I’d sit home all day everyday. thing is I could do what the heck I wanted to do every single day. eff with who I want to eff with. lol. I could go visit folks in other cities and take trips and not be sweating pto days. work is a means to an end but it’s really for the birds. lol. (said the daggone bird.)

2CPTG©

October 2nd, 2013
4:33 pm

work is a means to an end but it’s really for the birds.

I swear it sounds like wer’re joined at the hip!

Button

October 2nd, 2013
4:33 pm

disco – LOL I know that’s right!

Single – I’m not living the work free life yet.

Exiled – sho nuff! he was the cover up man.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
4:36 pm

In fact,Joe Paterno was a pedophile!

Only one pedophile wld protect another

How could he live a str8 life knowing his assistant was a kid molester

Dude was in in that sh y y t.

He wld been getting beat in the pen right now

That stress and all killed him

Low life!

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
4:37 pm

Dern it, I had a post….. Been swamped today so I can only say this quick statement…

I don’t believe in being frivilous, but I don’t believe in being frugal. The whole purpose of working is to provide for yourself, the things needed to sustain. I still say, IMO (just mine), it’s foolish to lay up and store up for a tomorrow that may never come. I also believe it’s foolish to not be prepared. What I desire first and foremost is to be in my right mind and I pray I’m not incapacitated. If I have neither of those, what’s money to me?? So, I say live and live comfortably….live in the now. Buy the things you desire and need….so long as your money permits. I have a 401K, a savings, two pensions, and a couple of other vehicles I work through.

We have old folks that come to services twice a month from the “old folks home” and it’s such a sad sad state that most live in. Some have sufficient SS but their families go through. Some are dropped there and forsaken. Some are in dire need of life’s bare necessities and don’t have. They come in without shoes, no coats, sometimes they haven’t had a bath. We have a committee at church that try as much as they can to get those folks the things they need. And what’s worse, after the families either spends their money or don’t see about them, the staff take what’s left. My sister give a later a beautiful coat to wear one Sunday. That Monday it was on the back of one of the nurse’s chair. And yes, my sister confronted and took it back. So, I say all that to say it’s good to plan and be prepared, but it’s not wise to prepare for a tomorrow that may never come or a tomorrow you didn’t plan. I’d rather have my right mind and can manuever in my small aged way (Lord willing) than to have tons saved up and can’t do a thing with it or don’t live long enough to enjoy.

Everyone is different and have to do what they feel is the best thing, but for me and a couple of others, I’m living in the now, and having faith to believe that God’s gonna see me through. And if I remember HIM, he’ll remember me.

My mom has 7 children alive in which she raised and didn’t forsake. You think they come to see or see about her? Well, we do it. I manage her money and I try my best to put it where it’s needed….solely on her and her needs. Her physical, medical, so forth and so on and where there’s a shortfall, I take it out of my pocket.

So, I plan for tomorrow, but not to whoop it up. To live comfortably and be able to provide and maintain and be self sufficient.

Night!!

Button

October 2nd, 2013
4:37 pm

disco – that was for you 4:27…

I actually love working, I enjoy my job, what i don’t like is the drive in all that traffic to and from work. and asking for permission to take a day off.

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
4:37 pm

Button, not work free life but are you doing things now, are you waiting until you get to the work free life to do them.

work is a means to an end but it’s really for the birds. which is why I don’t mind working because the ends come along all the time.

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
4:39 pm

2C…naw bro,when an issue like that is reported to u,u are an adult. U don’t report to another adult.

U go str8 to the popo and even u report later to ur superiors and they don’t act,either u take the fall..,quit and u still report it.

His money was more valuable than that kid

This is common sense!

A break in is happening next to my house I don’t call another adult.

Single & Happy

October 2nd, 2013
4:41 pm

Statement made to me on returning to work after my last vacation. “Man I know you hated to come back to work after vacation, I know I do”. My response, it doesn’t bother me to come back to work because I’m looking forward to the next one! which is usually not that far away!

Button

October 2nd, 2013
4:43 pm

Single – surely there are things I can’t do now bc of working. Like living months in another country. Heck I only get 3 weeks a year vacation. Plus I’m really looking into being an expat if it’s willed, moving to a country where my money will stretch for years

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
4:44 pm

Cel says don’t and for tmrw and writes a long post to justify but she got:

2 pensions

1 401k
Saving
Cars(benzes)

House
….yea,look who is talking! :lol:

Exiled

October 2nd, 2013
4:44 pm

Don’t plan too much for tmrw

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
4:46 pm

Mmeello….LOLOLOLOL

I take out what I need. I’m not afraid to spend. I don’t over do it, but I’m not afraid.

You silly….LOL

Celisea

October 2nd, 2013
4:47 pm

Not out of my 401K….MY money

Button

October 2nd, 2013
4:49 pm