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Tempted by the forbidden?

I wish I could tell you that being attracted to wildly inappropriate people is something that goes away.  The reality is that we can’t always help who we are attracted to. The real test comes when you decide what you are going to do about it. We all get tempted but do we give in and wait for the fallout or do we figure out how to make better choices?

A reader wrote in saying that she is tired of being single and is considering “dating” a man who she know is married. Now, he has pursued her relentlessly for months and she has said no, not interested. However, when she feels lonely, rejected by men she is interested in, married guy becomes more appealing!

Dating married people is obviously an exercise in futility, yet many single people do it. Why do you think that is? Personally, I believe it is similar to dating bad boys or crazy chicks, because you think they offer excitement.

Have you ever been tempted to date someone inappropriate like your boss or someone married?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

264 comments Add your comment

Lee

October 1st, 2013
7:13 am

She is going down the wrong road and the outcome will not be good.

Have you ever been tempted to date someone inappropriate like your boss or someone married? No Thank You. the only thing i am tempted by is cake, candy and ice cream –i have a small sweet tooth. :)

Wonderful day ev1

Single and Happy

October 1st, 2013
7:21 am

Have you ever been tempted to date someone inappropriate like your boss or someone married? Define dating married women! I’ve slept with some, but never considered myself in a relationship with any of them.

A reader wrote in saying that she is tired of being single and is considering “dating” a man who she know is married. Now, he has pursued her relentlessly for months and she has said no, not interested. However, when she feels lonely, rejected by men she is interested in, married guy becomes more appealing!
Maybe she needs to find other interest/hobbies, there’s more to life than relationships!

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
8:12 am

Diva, girl let me tell you….. I’m not that perfect woman that’s NEVER been attracted to someone off limits. Naw, I’m not perfect like that. I can say though, I’ve pretty much steered clear of shenanigans though. For years I’ve worked around married men…fine, well paid, goodlooking brothers…..and it’s something else to have to bob and weave to keep clear of this kind of thing. In all honesty, I’ve been attracted to the point of being tempted. Before folks jump on and judge, working in close proximity and spending a great deal of time…everyday…it’s easy to fall into that kind of snare. I know about being pursued relentlessly. But, I did the right thing and walked away. it’s soooo easy to brush up against illicit atrraction. But, I keep my distance without being distant and I keep the lines drawn in the sand.

For the chick in today’s post….keep on the up and up. Nothing good can come from this kind of thing. Whether MOST (not all) will admit it, I’m sure there’s been a time in their lives where there was that attraction that your wanted sooo bad to act on. Well, you can’t live in “that” moment, that’s all it is…a moment. You have to think about the whole if it, the fallout of it all. The reprecussions and the heartbreak that you’ll no doubt experience, so forth and so on. It happens, even to the best of us…. Chile, let me tell you, I had to do mind over matter, prayer, chanting, woo saaahing…all of it…lololol But the moment you decide, naw it ain’t the right thing to do, that’s when you can walk away.

To the chick in today’s post, don’t be dismayed :) Run girl, and don’t look back…lololol

Miss Moni

October 1st, 2013
8:27 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Yep, I’ve been tempted to date someone inappropriate AND I passed. The key to overcoming temptation is to RESIST it!!! ;-)

Miss Moni

October 1st, 2013
8:30 am

Oh yeah, I agree with Celisea, to the reader who is being tempted DON’T deal with the married guy. I look at like this, would you want some single chick dealing with YOUR husband (when you get one)? The Golden Rule is REAL and you definitely reap what you sow, so choose wisely!!!

Hazel

October 1st, 2013
8:38 am

Good morning. Never been tempted by someone married or even a boss. But yes, tempted by a man who was dating someone . But as soon as i found out, I never spoke to him again. Never do something that you would not want happening to you. But I know a girl who used to be my friend, who has gone out on several dates with married men and they all wanted her for one thing and nothing else.

SlimNu

October 1st, 2013
8:45 am

I’ve most certainly been attracted to or wondered how it would be to be with someone ‘off limits’….attraction is a natural thing. But like Moni said, just because you feel that way doesn’t mean you have to act upon it. Can you imagine how crazy life would be if everyone just acted on every whim or impulsive idea that they had? I’m always in my head, so-to-speak, and the guilt would kill me to knowingly deal with a married guy. Believe you me, I’ve been approached by many a married dude. One even tried to convince me that no trouble would come of it because he had everything under control on his end….whaTever that meant. I basically told him, I wasn’t in the business of messing up any potential blessings coming my way. Plus I definitely wouldn’t want some thirsty chick trying to get down with my husband if I had one. Folks need to quit being so selfish and inconsiderate. It’s not like there’s only 3 men in the world left for us to fight over….sheesh!

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
8:49 am

But I know a girl who used to be my friend, who has gone out on several dates with married men and they all wanted her for one thing and nothing else.

Well, that’s no biggie. Every man (you date) only wants you for one thing…until and unless you show him otherwise or that there’s more to you than one thing. I mean “getting some” is ALWAYS right there on the forefront. Don’t be mistaken.

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
8:54 am

Like I said, I’m not here to judge or beat up on anybody. When I say I know about being pursued relentlessly, that’s no exaggeration. The main ones to sit in judgement of folks are those dudes that does the pursuing. Sidehoes, jumpoffs, etc etc etc….THEY are the ones, you can’t turn for being in your way. So, yeah it’s wrong, but the blame goes to both parties. Just because men seem to be “on top” in these type scenarios don’t make them guiltless. Let’s not beat-up on just the women.

Button

October 1st, 2013
8:58 am

Have you ever been tempted to date someone inappropriate like your boss or someone married? Nope, not one. He might have looked good and all but to actually date a married man or someone inappropriate like a boss was definitely not in the play with me. I’ve had married men approach me and I would never give into that kind of temptation even on my loneliest of days. It’s not worth it. Some people have that spirit about them that they will get involved with inappropriate ppl even though they know it’s wrong. I’m happy that I don’t have that kind of spirit about me.

Good morning!

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
9:01 am

Let me clarify, the main ones to call women jumpoffs, hoes, etc etc etc are those “married” dudes that think little of women yet up in the game getting their “illicit” on, as much if not more than dudes not married. How you think trick, hoe, jumpoff and you’re married your dang self and out doing the same?? IJS and LOL

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
9:02 am

Let me go to work….with my not so perfect self :mrgreen:

Button

October 1st, 2013
9:04 am

Not every man.

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
9:05 am

Right…every man wants to play footsie? Not! Every man desire intimacy. Better? LOLOLOLOL

I’m gone….Lawd

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
9:13 am

Some people have that spirit about them that they will get involved with inappropriate ppl……….I’m happy that I don’t have that kind of spirit about me.

I’m happy Jesus died on the cross and fixed mine for me.

I couldn’t resist… :mrgreen:

Button

October 1st, 2013
9:14 am

not with every chick.

Leggs

October 1st, 2013
9:14 am

Being tempted by the forbidden is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Many people can’t walk away from it. It screws up their brain waves turning them into walking zombies w/a pulse.

Good morning!

Button

October 1st, 2013
9:15 am

You should have!

MsAtl

October 1st, 2013
9:29 am

Morning All!

Nope- can’t say that I have been tempted to dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight , lol. That’s basically what it is because come daylight and he is back with his wife or you are back at your desk and your boss is back to being your boss.
I think some women “date” married men because they think there is a shortage; others because they just want the sex and money with no obligation; others because they like what they see and don’t care if he’s attached; some believe half a man is better than no man; whatever reason.

Always better to think before you act despite temptations because there is no reset button in life; your actions have consequences…

Leggs

October 1st, 2013
9:32 am

Have you ever been tempted to date someone inappropriate like your boss or someone married? – Nope. All my bosses have been old, unattractive men.

SlimNu

October 1st, 2013
9:32 am

I wonder how long it’ll be before we get accused of being upstanding women of the blog….lol

Button

October 1st, 2013
9:35 am

Leggs – what if they were young and very attractive, super fine and approached you? lol

SlimNu

October 1st, 2013
9:36 am

Leggs – I remember my first job I was a cashier at Kroger….the manager was a fairly nice looking black guy and I could tell, if I was down, that he’d have partaken in this forbidden fruit. Forbidden because I was 15/16ish and also because he was married. It gave me the creeps though….

2CPTG©

October 1st, 2013
9:41 am

g’morning……

I’m always tempted…..and to be honest, I’ve bitten a few times….starts out sweet, but the more you chew, the bitterness starts to set in, then you wanna spit that som’bytch out!

SlimNu

October 1st, 2013
9:46 am

SlimNu

October 1st, 2013
9:51 am

Leggs – I almost forgot to tell you, I hooked up the crockpot lasagna last night for dinner today. It was smelling quite nice but of course I won’t know the verdict until I eat later. ;-)

Leggs

October 1st, 2013
9:52 am

Button ~ Knowing me, If I have to be hidden in a relationship, I’m not a happy camper. So, a resounding no!

MsAtl

October 1st, 2013
9:53 am

Leggs- Exactly! If we can’t be out in public or in the daytime, then its a no go. I am not a vampire.

Button

October 1st, 2013
10:03 am

Leggs – right! if you have to hide why even bother.

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
10:05 am

If we can’t be out in public or in the daytime, then its a no go.

The guy that pursued me not only invited me over, he wanted to “do something” nearly everyday. Go out, hang out, go shopping, buy stuff, couple up (with friends), but that wasn’t my thing, neither did it sit well for me. God will getcha for sporting and flaunting around like that so, I told him…fix your marriage or get out! His wife was an exec for a huge engineering company and was gone weeks at a time…she did international travel and training, a six sigma blackbelt and was hardly there. They had no kids. Frankly I think he was lonely. I told him, how about you travel with her sometimes….something, anything to get your mojo back and your marriage on track. Cheating though or having an illicit affair was not the answer.

kimmie

October 1st, 2013
10:11 am

Morning All!!

A reader wrote in saying that she is tired of being single

Well she may as well get used to it then, cause she’s gonna stay that way messing round with mr married. And there really is no such thing as “dating” someone inappropriate. Yall just effing! You might come up for air by going & getting something to eat, but otherwise, you know what time it is!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pure as the driven snow. Yes, I’ve been tempted by an inappropriate situation. I’ve always been scary, so I quickly came to my senses. But I do believe, like Button said, that there are some that just have that spirit about them that they are easily tempted to cross the line. You have to pray for strength if you are low on resistance.

Now, there is nothing anyone could tempt me with that would be worth what I have to lose. Miss me with that!

Some of these married men out here are RELENTLESS! Don’t even begin to get it twisted!

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
10:14 am

When I was asked to be a Sunday School teacher, I was feeling like me? The one thing my pastor helped me to come to understand is that wisdom and knowledge is a mother and certainly nothing to be ashamed of…lol He said the best teachers are the ones that live, learned and experienced. Folks need folks that can relate and deal. No one wants help from a fuddy duddy or lil miss rainbow or someone’s whose legs have never seen sunshine cause their skirt has never been lifted a day in their life…lolol He said the more you teach (in sincerity), the more God will teach you, change you, heal you. Like I’ve said, I’ve not done the slumming in my lifetime and can count on one hand my experiences with men, but I do know it’s a powerful thing when you can teach from within, from your own experience, when you can “feel” where a person is coming from. You definitely can’t raise children if you’ve been living under a rock. I believe God has given me wisdom and knowledge and understanding. And for that, I’ll glady share and help in anyway, anyone seeking a right or better path.

The readers write in for advice, and I feel to get help. It serves to benefit if we can advise and steer

Bluzgirl

October 1st, 2013
10:16 am

Morning everyone! I’m feeling a bit sore today cause I fell down yesterday while walking my friend’s dog. Owwwww

For some reason, I’m more attracted to the forbidden fruit…not necessarily married. More like just plain bad for me and emotionally unavailable. I did “date” a guy who was in a relationship long, long ago. He lied to me and told me they were broken up and I believed him, even though all the signs were there that they were still together. They even lived together, but that was supposedly due to financial reasons. Of course, I got burned. My heart was broken. Lesson learned…

Bluzgirl

October 1st, 2013
10:17 am

Now, I can’t get the song “Tempted” by Squeeze out of my head!

kimmie

October 1st, 2013
10:25 am

Bluz – It might sound corny, but I heard a song I like this morning, Toxic by Brittney Spears. It applies to the topic today!

Leggs

October 1st, 2013
10:27 am

SlimNu ~ can’t wait for your verdict.

Bluz ~ stop saying “for some reason.” The reason is YOU. You somehow come across that you can fix these emotionally unavailable men. You feel you can turn them around to be what you want them to be when they see that you are emotionally available to them and you are in their corner. You don’t seem to understand when you’re being used and when you recognize that, you can see clearly those that aren’t good for you. Everyone that takes an interest in you do not have your best interest at hand!

SlimNu

October 1st, 2013
10:31 am

And the Church said…..

Button

October 1st, 2013
10:32 am

whose legs have never seen sunshine cause their skirt has never been lifted a day in their life—he said that!? there are several ways I can take this but I’m going to say this– I thought that would be a good thing being all modest and all, but I guess not according to that preacha!

Bluzgirl

October 1st, 2013
10:33 am

Leggs – Hence the reason I am choosing to be single right now. I do know that it is something within me and I’m still trying to figure out what exactly it is and how to change it…

disco

October 1st, 2013
10:33 am

good morning.

slim – no worries re being accused of being upstanding blog chicks. the blog heathen-ette is back in the house. lol.

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
10:34 am

While I recognize when folks are “picking” and really don’t need to justify or explain, I believe I quoted my pastor to say He said the best teachers are the ones that live, learned and experienced. I then went on speaking from and for myself.

Celisea

October 1st, 2013
10:40 am

there are several ways I can take this

Take it up, down, left, right, in and out…doesn’t matter. I said what I said, it is what it is, I’m good how I am, I love the “heathen” in me…it keeps me in touch with reality. And btw, my legs have a beautiful hue to them :mrgreen:

Leggs

October 1st, 2013
10:41 am

And that’s what matters, Bluz. Glad to hear it, chica!

SlimNu

October 1st, 2013
10:44 am

disco – Whew! thanks goodness…Balance is good ya know. :lol: So we’re all ears (eyes) to read about your scandulous love affairs…do tell. ;-)

SlimNu

October 1st, 2013
10:45 am

Bluz – Do you feel more alive when there is a little more drama going on around you or in your life??? Do you get freaked out when things seem to be too quiet or going too smoothly?

kimmie

October 1st, 2013
10:45 am

Hey Disco!!! Missed ya girl!!

Button

October 1st, 2013
10:45 am

one minute you’re talking bout god/jesus and scriptures trying to be all christian then next you’re a heathen full of the devil…. make up your mind already lol

Button

October 1st, 2013
10:48 am

disco –hey girlie, miss reading you- welcome back!

disco

October 1st, 2013
10:49 am

slim – scandalous? maybe, depends on perspective. love affair? never that. goodness knows in my youth (and why lie? in my not so youth too – lol), boyfriend doesn’t mean jack. I stick by my stance that you are married or you are not married. dating, living together, going together. whatever whatever. fair game is fair game. yeah I was the proud sidepiece a few times. it wasn’t hidden. it wasn’t a secret. it was just me not giving a dang and him not giving a dang and some poor simple woman at home crying about her man spending his time and money on me. as far as I’m concerned, shame on her.

disco

October 1st, 2013
10:50 am

hey kimmie!!!!! you too button.