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Do women have to smile all the time?

My buddy Damon Young recently wrote about how he “stopped telling women to smile” because he realized how it can be perceived as street harassment. Ah yes, I wish I had a dollar for every time a random dude on the street decided my face wasn’t happy enough. I’d be a very rich and highly annoyed woman.

The thing about “Hey, why don’t you smile” approach to speaking to women, a lot of men think this is charming. Of course, if women walked around smiling like medicated mental patients, we wouldn’t have to worry about hearing this sort of a thing, right? I honestly don’t ever know how to respond when men say this to me. If I am not smiling, it is probably because I don’t freaking want to and so what’s it to you?? Then I become the rude and bitter female that can’t take a compliment, or something.

So I have to ask, why do men feel the need to see every woman they encounter smile? Why do you feel compelled to ask that she change her entire demeanor and mood so you feel better looking at her? And for debate purposes, why do so many women walk around mean mugging??

Ladies, do you ever get the feeling that you have to be “on” all the time to attract a man?

Guys, have you ever decided not to approach a woman because she had a really unpleasant look on her face? Do you automatically think she is an angry person?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

234 comments Add your comment

Lee

September 25th, 2013
7:08 am

Where to begin: Those that walk around like miss susie sunshine all the time are 99% fake. Us woman think 24 hours a day, we having lists we are making, sex, then we are thinking what we need to do about every problem that is crossed our desk to the kids etc… then we could have cramps and no one smiles with cramps we are in pain!

I can tell you when i do smile I am thinking of something dirty. And just cause i am not smiling does not mean i am miserable most times i am happy –and men do not go around all smiling all the time why do they get the pass?

Tomorrow is my Friday, And it can not come fast enough. :)

Single and Happy

September 25th, 2013
7:39 am

Hello all

Guys, have you ever decided not to approach a woman because she had a really unpleasant look on her face? this doesn’t stop me, because everyone doesn’t walk around with a smile, and I’m one of those people.

Do you automatically think she is an angry person? No.

Miss Moni

September 25th, 2013
8:09 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA! *Today is my Friday at work!* :-D

Honestly, the ONLY time I feel pressure to be ON all the time is from my Mama who really wants me to get married asap. For the record, that kind of pressure is very annoying!

I’m a smiler, you know the happy-go-lucky person who doesn’t get caught up in foolishness and has learned to be an optimist and realist all at the same time, LOL! The thing with me is if I see or hear something that doesn’t sit well with me, 9 times out of 10 it’ll show on my face. I’ve gotten somewhat better with my facial expressions, but now I just call out the foolishness vs. trying to accept it for face value.

Smiling is a personal choice. When it’s genuine you’ll know & when it’s fake you’ll know that as well. In the words of Betty Wright: “You can’t show your teeth to every guy you meet!”

Exiled

September 25th, 2013
8:11 am

Some folks(females) don’t have a naturally sunny personality that shows a smile,others think and stress too much about the failure to land a man,yet others just hate men especially after failing in the man department.

If she Always has a blank face,you better of just skipping,in case you had other ideas.

Why bother?

Good morning MIA!

Exiled

September 25th, 2013
8:19 am

But I also know some perennial fake smilers who are wretched,gossipers,manipulators and annoying if not wicked to the core!

U can never tell with this God’s so called fairer sex! :lol:

Button

September 25th, 2013
8:26 am

I guess it can be annoying and also controlling for a man to tell a complete stranger to smile. What is he saying? She’s not pretty or she’s unpleasant to look at?

In the past I’ve smiled at guys. I may have smiled bc of what he’s wearing whether it’s something nice or something silly. Also a que to let him know it’s okay to approach me. I don’t go around smiling at random men all the time. The business I’m in I have to keep a smile on my face and sometimes it’s hard to turn it off!!! lol

On the other hand, when a guy smiles at me it kind of freaks me out bc not only is he smiling but his eyes are wandering too!! and that is creepy.

Good morning!

YesSheIsCute

September 25th, 2013
8:27 am

I don’t think I’ve ever been approached with this to be honest. And if so, probably as a pick up line not because they are genuinely concerned that the corners of my mouth aren’t turned up.

Usually if I’m in conversation there is always a laugh or smile to be had because I’m just that type of person. Only time I probably have a mean mug on is if I’m thinking about something like an argument or I’m in a rush. Otherwise I have a normal look on my face.

Button

September 25th, 2013
8:39 am

Miss Moni – “You can’t show your teeth to every guy you meet!” glam ma used to say that all the time! lol

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
8:40 am

I’m a funny person. I’m impatient in many areas (traffic, bullcrappery, waiting in line, etc etc etc), but I tend to have a sunny disposition :) Years ago, men in passing would say “smile.” I don’t get that so much now. Now it’s (me saying) “good morning/afternoon, how are you?” Yep, that’s me most of the time!!

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
8:45 am

Oh, or “why so mean”……use to get that as well. Most times, I was in deep thought or not even aware of the person in front of me. I have been irked though by the comments from men, cause again most times, my mind is totally on something else….not at grinning at you, giving you an opening. I don’t think you owe it to anyone to walk around smiling all the time. Makes me think sum’in ain’t right…lol However, I do believe you radiate from within. And from there, it shows up on your face

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
8:46 am

not “on” grinning at you

Miss Moni

September 25th, 2013
8:51 am

-Button Yes ma’am, that’s definitely GREAT advice!!! :-)

MsAtl

September 25th, 2013
8:59 am

Morning All!

I have been told to smile and asked why I look so mean. Yes, it can be annoying. I do not walk around smiling like the Cheshire cat all the darn time. Sometimes I am deep in thought, sometimes I think of something and smile, my expression varies, Please do not tell me to smile. A simple hello or how are you will usually get a return smile.

Button- Betty Wright!

Button

September 25th, 2013
9:01 am

growing up I used to hear about the smiling wrinkle. crows feet around the eyes and the smile line around the mouth. I use to be scared to smile.

Some ppl have such a beautiful smile while some don’t. I prefer the open lip smile showing those pretty teeth rather than the closed mouth smile and ppl who cover their smile with their hand.

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
9:06 am

Ladies, do you ever get the feeling that you have to be “on” all the time to attract a man?

I think some ladies do. I don’t. I think as you grow and mature, come into understanding that you can just be yourself. IMO it goes back to yesterday’s topic of “representative.”

Miss Moni

September 25th, 2013
9:16 am

-Button And there you have the problem for some people, their teeth aren’t pretty. It still amazes me the amount of working adults who still have jacked up teeth. It’s 2013 and there is wide variety of products to assist a person in getting nice teeth for a beautiful smile. I suppose some folks just don’t want to invest in their mouth. *Shrugs*

2CPTG©

September 25th, 2013
9:27 am

boi, somedays, I tell ya, these topics……

No, I’m not commenting on it….I’m in left field all day today…..

anyways……re: The Strawberry Letter……what grown ass man still wears tidy whities???? big ass Homer Simpson lookin dude…..

Button

September 25th, 2013
9:27 am

Miss Moni – I also wonder that myself. Thankfully my teeth are not jacked up and if it was I would surely go and get them fixed. I guess they look at the risks and the cost and say it’s not worth it.

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
9:32 am

When I heard “underoos” regarding the Strawberry Letter, I changed stations. I did though hear Nephew Tommy’s prank call. I think he went too far. He mentioned or insinuated bringing harm to that dude’s kid. That dude was smooth too, even when his feathers were ruffled.

Miss Moni

September 25th, 2013
9:33 am

-Button As a person that likes to talk & smile, I consider my nice teeth to be an asset. There are some things that should not be optional, LOL!!!

2CPTG©

September 25th, 2013
9:36 am

Celie…..Cutty comin to yo job today at 3:30!!!!!!

2CPTG©

September 25th, 2013
9:37 am

Moni, you do have a beautiful smile…..smile for me, boo!

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
9:39 am

2Can….LOLOLOLOL That name was from some movie. New Jack City, maybe?

Leggs

September 25th, 2013
9:39 am

Sometimes I simply do not feel like smiling. Doesn’t mean I’m upset at anything in particular, rather pondering the many things I need to accomplish in a day or even a week. I’ve been told to smile many, many times. To bare my teeth to you at that moment is a nasty smile. I smile when I want to smile. Heck, I’m always laughing at something.

O/T: I overslept. Woke up at 7:40, rushing, forgot my slip, my necklace and I only have one earring on. Not sure if I lost the other or never put it on. UGH!! But, I do have stockings on for the first time (lol).

MsAtl

September 25th, 2013
9:42 am

2C- That letter had me driving down the highway cracking up! She said dude looks like a big baby.

Celisea- I think Tommy went to far also. You can’t be mentioning folks kids or talking about robbing a bank. “Don’t let the smooth taste foo you.” Lol

Leggs

September 25th, 2013
9:44 am

I missed both the letter and the prank call.

Button

September 25th, 2013
9:48 am

Leggs – slip? as in under skirt/dress? do they still make slips? I remember having to wear them when I was young. I hated to wear slips, esp when it used to show. I always got that tap on my shoulder saying ” your slip showing” :mrgreen:

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
9:50 am

MsAtl – I was thinking the same thing…how you gon prank on crimes?!?!? LOL I did, I bet so many other folks pondered the same.

That was Silky’s saying…..lololol “Don’t let the smooth taste fool you!” I ca-racked up when I heard that. Honestly, I started laughing when ole boy was getting riled and the “man” in him was coming out. He kept cool though!

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
9:52 am

forgot my slip

Funny this statement….I just told the nurse yesterday “soooo happy happy happy to have on a (half) slip today.

Reio

September 25th, 2013
9:53 am

Morning all!

I’ve never used this line. Or any other line, for that matter. I’ve had this comment directed towards me numerous times though. It was from women wanting to strike up a conversation. Kinda funny though, when they have said this, I DO start smiling.

2CPTG©

September 25th, 2013
9:53 am

Celie….the name “Cutty” was from “Dead Presidents”…..

Leggs

September 25th, 2013
9:54 am

Button ~ yes ma’am. I still wear slips. Always have, half slips that is.

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
9:55 am

I consider slips underwear/lingerie. They work wonders when it’s cold. But I wear half slips year round. Sometimes camisoles. That small extra layer keeps your behind from being exposed as in “see through” and that extra layers keep you from getting cold in the winter.

2CPTG©

September 25th, 2013
9:56 am

Reio, you’re an ‘ol school cat, what were some of your best pick-up lines?????

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
9:57 am

2Can….thanks. I knew it was from a movie, just couldn’t remember which.

I have a couple of knee length skirts that I don’t wear slips with. I feel nekkid though :)

Miss Moni

September 25th, 2013
9:58 am

Leggs

September 25th, 2013
10:00 am

When I read “Cutty” I immediately thought of Whoopie Goldberg playing Mr. Cutty as a white business man because she didn’t think clients would take her seriously.

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
10:05 am

And then I think Tommy called him on a Saturday/Sunday. You can tell he was calling from the kitchen by the hollow background….lol Now that’s some sho-nuff pranking. I got thangs I’m doing on the weekend. Prank calls wouldn’t be it…lol

kimmie

September 25th, 2013
10:07 am

Good morning!

This topic irritates me to no end. When I’m out, minding my own business, I’m thinking about the things I have to do, are going to do, need to do, whatever. I’m alone in my thoughts. I’ve been told I look mean even when I’ve got just a blank look on my face, though personally I don’t think I look that bad. When I’m at work or around others I’ve learned to be conscious of it and make an effort to look pleasant. As for when I was in the market for “catching a man”, lets just say I know how to get “caught”. I don’t recall any of them telling me they started not to approach me because of my expression, except maybe when I was a teenager. If a grown A man was scared to approach me, oh well, his loss. Certainly not mine, cause I don’t concern myself with other’s insecurities. :wink:

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
10:12 am

I do find that you “have” to smile more in the workplace. I had to come to terms with this…lol I was a mean little something years ago :) Now, it’s easy breezy. I say it alot, but I really believe if a person learns to operate in their true self, much of stuff like this becomes easy. Now, I can smile and speak and be okay with that or I can grin and chat for a few minutes. It’s not so much about being fake, but about going with the flow, finding your niche.

Now come tomorrow, as we have a luncheon and the baseball games later (I said today, it’s tomorrow)….I can’t stand the chick, my contact, at this company. There’s going to be 17 of them there. I won’t shoot the breeze with her…at all. We’ll speak but I usually move on and chat or sit (while eating) with some of the other ladies from the company. And she knows this.

Exiled

September 25th, 2013
10:15 am

I suppose some folks just don’t want to invest in their mouth. *Shrugs*

@MsMoni..some folks do not use their moufs as much and as innovatively as you do! *Shrugs* :lol:

YesSheIsCute

September 25th, 2013
10:18 am

We supposed to wear slips??? :o

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
10:19 am

I was waiting on the best of y’alls pickup lines

2CPTG©

September 25th, 2013
10:19 am

Cutie……are you in here?

Bluzgirl

September 25th, 2013
10:20 am

Morning everyone!

It is very annoying when someone tells you to smile. Maybe I don’t want to! I’m definitely not smiling in the morning! LOL! I do smile a lot and am complimented on my smile often. I have somewhat crooked teeth and have always wanted to get braces, but so many guys have told me to never, ever straighten my teeth because my smile is too cute. :-D

My boss is one of those who has a fake smile and a fake happy voice. Ugh!

Leggs

September 25th, 2013
10:22 am

YSIC ~ I think so, especially if something is see thru.

Celisea

September 25th, 2013
10:24 am

Me too. Keeps the backside from being exposed. I see women all the time in our building, coming and going and you can see EVERYTHING from the right angle.

Miss Moni

September 25th, 2013
10:24 am

-Ex I suppose you are right, LOL!!!

2CPTG©

September 25th, 2013
10:25 am

Celie…….one of my best pick-up lines happened by accident….you know, just being quik witted, and smooth………

I was at the convenience store, behind some folks getting lottery tickets….this fine ass lil mama came in, and went to the lotter spot….so, being quick on the draw, I grabbed one of those slips, and wrote my number down…..gave it to lil mama and said, “here are the winning numbers…..you can’t win, if you don’t play;” winked at her, and walked out……

Bluzgirl

September 25th, 2013
10:25 am

I don’t deal with slips cause I don’t wear skirts! :-)